LGBTQera |ERA1| (We're Queer)

lunch

Member
Oct 26, 2017
118
Did anyone in here experience any side effects when they started taking Truvada? I've been taking it for like 10 days now and it's been making me so sick 😭
Nausea is a pretty common (although still among <10% of users) side effect, and something doctors often warn you about, along with the possibility of diarrhea. It'll pass after the first month. If you're not already doing so, taking it with food like Manipular suggested should help.
 

Dany

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,213
seattle
Did anyone in here experience any side effects when they started taking Truvada? I've been taking it for like 10 days now and it's been making me so sick 😭
Not really, I take it in the morning after breakfast and it sits well. Honestly it feels like a sugar pill because I don't feel anything from it which is great. But take it with food would help, or with a lot of water so it digests better.
 

Delphine

Member
Mar 30, 2018
759
France
So um, hi, everyone.

I'm a 27 year old dude and this past Sunday, it finally dawned on me that I'm bisexual and have been repressing it for my whole life because of my fears of what it would do to my familial relationships.

When I realized it, I just broke down and started crying in a way I haven't done in years and years. Everything made sense. There's a whole side of me that I've never even entertained or explored.

I've only told a couple of very close friends, most of which are from a long time ago and now live far away. I've only told one friend in person.

So... Yeah. I guess y'all will be seeing me around a bit more.

Hey, welcome around here! And you're not alone, realizing you're bi after years of dismissing it/repressing it because of your family is... ugh, a shared experience here, for sure. I'm still not out to my parents, and I'm not sure I want to anyway.
 

Munti

Member
Oct 26, 2017
377
Hi LGBTQ+-community,

There's something that bothers me a bit, and maybe someone of you have or had similar experiences and has some advices for me.
It is regarding my sexual and romantic orientation. My whole post will maybe sound bit depressive and grim, but that's not what it is about :). Just looking for tips. I just don't know if this fits more in this thread or in the mental-health thread. And I apoligise if this post becomes too long.


Quick background history lesson:
I'm a 28yo man. My social, romantic, sexual past was a huuuge mess (means: it didn't exist). It still is, but I'm more confident now.
I had a rather complicating and very sorrowfully past, and while my peers dealt with love, dating and sexuality, I was somehow in 'survival' mode (I decided to go that path instead finding another solutions, and I acknowledge it was a mistake).
I never did spend a single second of a thought to look after, flirt, have sex or be in a relationship with someone. It was actually unimaginable for me that something like that would happen, and neither was I really interested nor really wanted stuff like that.
Only at 24 I knew that I need something to do and try things out, or else I will turn into a miserable person. At that point I already suspected that I'm gay, but was not really sure, and decided to go with a man (from internet) for the first time on a date (and have sex). The next years I then also met some few men and it became to me clear that I definitely am sexually attracted to men and not women.
Now I'm 28 and had some very few encounters with men. I was never in a relationship and that actually doesn't bother me too much. But I have some conflicted feelings that I adress in the next sections.


Sexuality
As I said before, I'm sexually attracted to men. However, with the encounters I had sex, I really didn't like the sex. From the very first second it begins, my thoughts are somewhere completely else and I can't focus on the act. I'm actually wishing that it is over as soon as possible. Funny thing is that I am much more erected before the sex than during the sex.
It even gets worse: It is known that men are less attracted after the orgasm. But I think to me the effect is much more extreme. After the sex I feel disgusted, have no interested to meet men or have sex for ever, want to leave as fast as possible, I'm kinda frustrated and see dating and sex as a huge waste of time, and much more. This effects stays for hours or until the next day. I know that this is just my brain tricking me into those feelings. But when I know already that I will be in a bad mood after having sex, then I have no desire to have sex to begin with.
At the moment I feel that sex is just super overrated.

What should I do or what do I do wrong? Am I damned to never feel satisfied in bed? Is my sexuality disturbed and malfunctioning? Did I just not meet the correct person yet? Is the porn-consumption the fault? Should I try with a woman even if I'm not attracted? Should I just try until it gets better?


Romantic
Now the romantic part. I never had romantic in my life, so this is all a bit foreign for me. I already mentioned that it doesn't bother me that I'm not in a relationship, but I came at the point of my life where I'm open for this idea.
The thing is, I'm not sure if I'm romantic attracted to men. Men do catch my attention. I see some people and wish do be closer to them, hoping to get in a conversation with them, trying to get their attention to me and so on. But I don't know if that's the same as having romantics feelings.
I would like to have a male partner where I can go out for a beer, hanging around, doings sports activities, gaming and so on (basically a friend). However, I somehow can't imagine to live with a man together.
I can't imagine to share my bed, living everyday toghether, sitting on a bank and cuddling, holding hands, dancing samba and so on with a man. I feel really bad and ashamed that I feel like this and make a separation between men and women, but I don't think that these stuff would be appealing for me to do.

Now on the other hand, I can see myself doing this stuff with a female partner. Actually, just the thought to do this stuff with a woman makes me content. I would just not be sexually attracted to her.
I'm really really dumb because until in the beginning of my 20's I thought that the romantic affection determines your sexual orientation, and not your sexual affection. That's a reason why it took me long to realise&accept that I'm gay.

Also here: What should I do? Should I chase after a relation or rather not? Should I focus on men, women, both, none? Should I just take everything easy and it will solve by itself? Do I stress myself too much? Do I subconsciously fear how others react if I'm with a men together? How can I build a relationship if seemingly romantic and sexuality don't fit?
Is it ok, normal and possible to have a relationship where you do none of couple stuff? Am I just a douche bag that I think that I can't develop romantics feeling for a man? Am I repressing myself without really feeling repressed?


Love
This section is similar to the previous section, but I want to separate them as this one has less to do with orientation, but I feel it is still important to mention. First of all: I love people. I always see the positivity in the people, like to be around people, I am always respectful with my surroundings and can get emotional when other suffers or are happy. However, I'm afraid that I'm not capable to love a person like a couple does.
Honestly, just the thought to share my live with someone scares me and makes me nervous. I'm not really sure if I even want a relationship, or if I just try to avoid it for some psychological reasons. Even though I'm 30 soon, I just feel that I'm not ready yet for that stuff. I'm only sad that I didn't had any sympathy in my teens and beginning of 20's when I really needed that.


End
So this became quite a huge post. With all the conflicted feelings, hundreds of questions are popping up in my head. I would just like to know if there are other people that are dealing with similar conflicted feelings and how they deal with it, respectively if they have advices.
I honestly fear that my behaviour is very abnormal and I'm not quite right in the head. Just knowing that I'm not alone would help me a lot.
 
OP
OP
Sai

Sai

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,324
Chicago
Romantic affection and sexual attraction can be two very different things.

How you feel isn't necessarily 'normal', but you aren't broken or damaged in the head, and none of what you wrote sounds like things that are impossible to work past. Honestly, if it's an option where you live, I think you should seek a professional in your area that you can talk to. There's a lot to unpack there that IMO can't/won't be solved just by us reassuring you that you're okay and that these things take time to move past.
 

Canucked

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,000
Sai's totally right. I been there. few things that jumped out at me,

It even gets worse: It is known that men are less attracted after the orgasm. But I think to me the effect is much more extreme. After the sex I feel disgusted, have no interested to meet men or have sex for ever, want to leave as fast as possible, I'm kinda frustrated and see dating and sex as a huge waste of time, and much more. This effects stays for hours or until the next day. I know that this is just my brain tricking me into those feelings. But when I know already that I will be in a bad mood after having sex, then I have no desire to have sex to begin with.
At the moment I feel that sex is just super overrated.
I was like this at one point, especially if the sex was unsatisfying or if it wasn't someone I was interested in dating. It went away completely when I started talking about it. I'd tell people, I'm not into hanging out after, or that I just wanted to have a quick shower because I like space after. Sometimes if they felt the same way it was actually a relief and we could joke about it. Now I don't feel that way because after sex I just do what I want and my partner does too.

The thing is, I'm not sure if I'm romantic attracted to men. Men do catch my attention. I see some people and wish do be closer to them, hoping to get in a conversation with them, trying to get their attention to me and so on. But I don't know if that's the same as having romantics feelings.
I would like to have a male partner where I can go out for a beer, hanging around, doings sports activities, gaming and so on (basically a friend). However, I somehow can't imagine to live with a man together.
I can't imagine to share my bed, living everyday toghether, sitting on a bank and cuddling, holding hands, dancing samba and so on with a man. I feel really bad and ashamed that I feel like this and make a separation between men and women, but I don't think that these stuff would be appealing for me to do.
I totally get this. I am not a traditional romantic and didn't realize until I was in my 30s that the things you listed were romance for me. It's just that we have a perception that romance is this uplifting specific event and in reality it's just different for everyone. There was a long time that I thought I was Bisexual because I could have sex with anyone and wanted to be friends with dudes but spend alone time with women. But I hit a point where I realized that some of the "friendship" I was craving from men was actually the components of a relationship. But I didn't have many close male friends growing up so I had a hard time recognizing the difference between a male friendship and a male romance.
 

IvorB

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,528
It's not just that, but yeah you're right. I guess I'm just generally scared that liberal or centrist politics doesn't have a very strong or compelling narrative anymore, as evidenced by the resurgence of the right and how challenging it has been to directly confront that, and ~85% of our community apparently being cool with corporate and police presence just makes me think that maybe our community should be better at identifying this as a crisis or what our commitment to our principles should entail. I didn't mean to throw the baby out with the bath water, it just feels like we're getting a pretty loud warning about what our future could be, and it feels like we should be just a little quicker to respond to it. But my anger and the simple way that I expressed it did overtake what was basically supposed to be polemic. But for how much shit pride has been getting this month, it should be clear that it's more important than ever.
Unfortunately people seem to be generally switching off from engagement in politics and activism. It's not just a gay thing. People are too mesmerised by screens and social media to care and also recognising just how powerless we truly are now.

And for all my talk, I didn't go to Pride because I don't feel much gay pride at the moment. Grindr and trying to date is making me kind of hate gay men here actually :(. I hope it's just a London thing and gay guys aren't like this everywhere.
 

Marsy

Member
Dec 4, 2018
92
Unfortunately people seem to be generally switching off from engagement in politics and activism. It's not just a gay thing. People are too mesmerised by screens and social media to care and also recognising just how powerless we truly are now.

And for all my talk, I didn't go to Pride because I don't feel much gay pride at the moment. Grindr and trying to date is making me kind of hate gay men here actually :(. I hope it's just a London thing and gay guys aren't like this everywhere.
That's a Grindr thing. Don't let Grindr affect you like that. Get rid of it. It's not fair to you and certainly not fair to damn every queer person in London over.
 

lenovox1

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,083
That's a Grindr thing. Don't let Grindr affect you like that. Get rid of it. It's not fair to you and certainly not fair to damn every queer person in London over.
Yup. Deleting Grindr can be one of the best things we can do for our self-image and sense of belonging aside from engaging with the community through local Centers and Meetups.
 

beau_beaumont

Member
Nov 12, 2017
412
I’m bi but the only people that know are my wife and you internet strangers. I’ve been working in San Francisco for the last six weeks, and the company I’m working with made a big deal about pride month. They had pride flags everywhere and had a big raffle for tickets to an invite only party after the parade.

I’m from Utah and I was raised LDS, so I may live in one of the most homophobic parts of the country. My dad is very homophobic, doesn’t support same sex marriage, and once claimed to be disgusted when he heard the school district was going to teach about same sex couples in health class. I told him that the Mormon church has started to be more open about having gay members—BYU just hired their first openly gay professor—and I suggested that we might see same sex marriages happening in the temple one day. He said if that happened, he would leave the church.

I try not to get visually upset at some of the stuff he says and sort of joke that he probably should post that stuff on Facebook, but I have honestly never felt so hurt as by some of the things he says.

It’s very scary and kind of crazy, but I have decided that I’m going to come out to my family during pride month next year. My wife said I should let my “bi flag fly” and then I found out that we even have our own flag!

I’m married and faithful and never want to be with another person, but it is a part of me that I’ve been forced to hide away due to shame and embarrassment. And maybe my dad will learn to be a more loving person if he knows the truth.

So does anyone have any suggestions on coming out? I only get one shot so I want to make it count. The only reason I haven’t yet is honestly because of my dad. But he needs to know that what he says has got to stop. I’m excited and a little terrified, but I’ve made up my mind. After all these years, I will he coming out in eleven months.
 

Kater

Member
Oct 25, 2017
625
You could do it any day of the year, honestly.

I came out to parts of my family (grandma, mum and brother) right around the time when Conchita Wurst won the Eurovision Song Contest since that was a time where the topic of same sex love seemed easier to talk about in this country (Austria).

I feel good about choosing to not come out to the whole family. Just the ones that I thought of as important to me, the ones I wanted to keep in contact with.

Who knows, maybe the stars will align for you and something big will happen to make it easier to come out even before the 2020 Pride month.
 

Persephone

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,316
Hmm I kind of think I might be some kinda nonbinary (not really comfortable trying to label myself more specifically than that atm) but I still feel feminine-aligned and don't experience dysphoria. Can't shake the feeling I'm just faking it to feel special which sucks :/
 

zoboomafoo

Member
Oct 27, 2017
117
Hmm I kind of think I might be some kinda nonbinary (not really comfortable trying to label myself more specifically than that atm) but I still feel feminine-aligned and don't experience dysphoria. Can't shake the feeling I'm just faking it to feel special which sucks :/
Hi!

May I suggest taking a look at the Non-Binary OT? You'll see that this feeling of "faking it" and "not being non-binary enough" is very common!

I haven't properly introduced myself there nor here as I am still figuring things out too, but.... hi!! :)
 

Manipular

Member
Oct 27, 2017
468
Detroit, MI
"If we had sex, I'd definitely be the top."

Thank you for guaranteeing that we'll never have sex, then. 🙃 To clarify, I'm vers and have no problem bottoming, it just irks me when guys (especially supposedly "straight" guys) say shit like that, even moreso when the topic wasn't even sex-related and they just come out of the blue with it.

Surely, if you're trying to get me to sleep with you, there are better ways of going about it, no? Surely.
 
OP
OP
Sai

Sai

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,324
Chicago
And maybe my dad will learn to be a more loving person if he knows the truth.
I don't want to rain on your parade, but this isn't something you should count on, especially if your dad is deeply religious. I don't want to say that there are bad reasons to come out, but...this doesn't instill me with confidence, tbh. You should come out for yourself, because being bi is fucking awesome, but don't base how you're going to feel afterwords on if your dad accepts you immediately or not.

You're still bi whether or not you ever even put your hands on another person, and you should still hold pride in your identity, but please don't let your father be the end-all-be-all of that.
 

Marsy

Member
Dec 4, 2018
92
Do any of you play online MMOs? World of Warcraft or Final Fantasy XIV? Mostly WoW here though I haven't played in years. I have 2 level 110s on horde and some 106's on alliance. Just started a trial account for FFXIV.
 

Manipular

Member
Oct 27, 2017
468
Detroit, MI
Do any of you play online MMOs? World of Warcraft or Final Fantasy XIV? Mostly WoW here though I haven't played in years. I have 2 level 110s on horde and some 106's on alliance. Just started a trial account for FFXIV.
I used to play WoW religiously before my guild fell apart. That was near the end of Cataclysm, 2011ish. Haven't played it since then, sadly. I recently purchased The Elder Scrolls Online and it's a bit dense, but still really fun.
 

Creamx

Member
Jun 2, 2019
32
Hey everyone, been posting for about a month here but never showed up here until now ^^

Your gender? Your sexual identity? Don't know, will answer to any pronouns
Your sexual orientation? Gay male
Where Are You From? France
Where Do You Live? Currently, the Paris area
How Old Are you? 21
Favorite Type of Music? i'm eclectic but mostly dance-pop
Profession or Career interest? Graphic design but not sure
Favorite video game(s)? The Sims 2, Life Is Strange: Season 1, Dragon Age series, Diablo II
What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Traveling
 

MasaDrew

Member
Jun 20, 2019
10
Reposting from the dating thread:



Currently experimenting a Sir/Boy dynamic with a guy and enjoying the sexual exploration. Also going on a date tomorrow with a guy that seems to really click with me. Wish me luck!!

I did want to get an opinion on a situation that I was in the middle of this year.

I was talking with someone at the beginning of the year that was moving into town to become a flight attendant. We met on so many wavelengths and he seemed to meet my love languages. Add on to that all the sweet nothings he would tell me and I was ready to let my guard down.

As he was moving down here from NY his best friend was helping him along the way. We had a lot of romantic banter and I jested that I really wanted to kiss him at some point while helping unpack. He was adamant about keeping our connection on the DL and while he apparently told a lot of his friends about me he never told his “best friend”. I let it go.

Over the course of his training we spent every weekend together. As time went on he would lash out and be cold, and would blame it on his stress and depression. He also would bring up how past trauma like the death of his parents like some kind of get of jail card for the way he would treat me sometimes. There were many times where I felt absolutely unwelcome at his place.

Regardless I still played my usual romantic self. Our candor got to calling each other petnames and even confirmed his consent on this. I helped him when he got sick. I was there for him. But also managed it in moderation. He’s a grown ass man afterall 🤣

Upon graduation we had a “talk”. He felt we were moving too fast and we both came to the conclusion that we should be friends. He claimed to still want to talk to each other the same as we were, to still spend time with each other. I was “the guy that was everything he could ask for”...add on to that it really did feel like a non relationship and nobody has time for that.

At that point I figured it would be best to nurture a friendship because I could always use more of those. If something happens down the road cool, but I didn’t have expectations of waiting. Not long afterwards his negative behavior escalated. He would blame it the stress from work and as time went on it would take days for him to get back to me. I didn’t take it personally, however going by social media it became apparent that the way he was acting towards me didnt match the bubbly persona he would give others.

When I brought this up, he dropped me. No discussion, no fight. We just fizzled our completely.

We make time for what and who we want to make time for. So at this point I’m not mad about that. What does hurt though was that while I doubt I’ll get closure from him (don’t need it anyhow) I did receive it from elsewhere. The “best friend” that helped him move is also a mutual friend of mine. Not longer after the move they had a falling out. After all this happen I reached out to him and he told me his side of the story.

They were lovers without putting a label on it because the guy in question didn’t want to commit. He even asked him to move down here with him. I feel a little played and used tbh. It’s a lesson to learn for sure