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LGBTQera |ERA1| (We're Queer)

Tanooki

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,063
Canada
I’m concerned about sexual compatibility with potential partners - I really just don’t enjoy bottoming anal as much as I thought I would. It’s... fine? I still have to get over the initial burst of pain whenever something goes back there and didn’t know if that goes away? If I have to be doing it consistently or not?

I don’t want to be a partner that only ever wants to give oral - fun as it is, it seems less intimate.

For reference, I’ve been using toys mostly just to get a frame of reference before I go out and look silly with someone. Maybe it’s an issue of misjudging how big people actually are
Yeah, it hurts me a lot. There's only one person I've ever bottomed for, and I was in love with him, so there was a lot of passion and emotion that blurred the pain. Even then, I mostly topped because 1. I prefer it, 2. the initial pain is awful.

I read an article recently on the Andrew Christian blog not too long ago about gay myths, and I think you should give it a quick read through. (NSFW link) Especially #2 and 5. You mention that you don't feel oral can be as intimate as penetration, but it definitely can be. You can throw other stuff into it too, you just need to find what it is that gets you going and what you can confidently give a partner. Don't feel compelled to penetrate, regardless if you are a top or bottom.

Like everyone else has said, when you do decide to bottom with a partner, try to get plenty of foreplay in there and really get your mind and body into the mood. When you really want it, the pain flushes away relatively quickly. You may be like me though, where you can only bottom for people that you feel an emotional connection with (not hookups) which is totally acceptable!
 

Manipular

Member
Oct 27, 2017
503
Detroit, MI
I personally haven't felt any pain when bottoming (unless the guy has a monster dick lol) since I first started doing it back when I was a teenager (I'm 25 now, for reference). I'm vers and am pretty 50-50 when it comes to topping and bottoming and was actually worried for a while because lots of people swore it would hurt if I did it often enough and it... never really did?

Everyone's body is different, though, and there's nothing wrong with forgoing penetrative sex.
 

Milo Rambaldi

Member
Nov 11, 2017
3,890
Florida
Honestly we don't even do anal very often and both of us just enjoy the presence of each other. And a lot of oral.

So yeah. Anal is only one of many options - if you're not into it then that's perfectly fine!
 

Thequietone

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,196
It doesn't hurt to bottom for me anymore. Did when I first started but if I have enough lube I'm fine. I imagine being in the mood helps too.
 

daripad

The Fallen
Oct 29, 2017
373
If you're feeling a lot of pain while trying it, try to use as much lube as possible before you give up, lube helps a lot. As another poster said, position is also key, it is easier if you're sitting on the d or missionary.

If you're still not enjoying it, no problem, you can either top or just do other non penetrating stuff. Anal is not the only thing you can do in bed. Just don't try too hard or you might get hurt.
 

Apal_ytos

Member
Oct 29, 2017
160
Greece
I found that using the correct lube also helps a lot. Not every lube works for me, so try different ones to find what fits you best. Also toys always hurt more than the real thing.
 

Ed.

Member
Oct 25, 2017
341
People/articles always say that it's not always about anal sex, but in practice it seems everyone is all about anal sex. You're either a top, bottom, or vers. I have never met a "neither" and it sucks that it's come to this in our community or maybe it's always been like this.
 

Kismet

Banned
Nov 9, 2017
1,432
I've actually dated "no anal" guys before, and it was awesome. Penetration isn't always needed. The body has much more to offer.
 

Milo Rambaldi

Member
Nov 11, 2017
3,890
Florida
People/articles always say that it's not always about anal sex, but in practice it seems everyone is all about anal sex. You're either a top, bottom, or vers. I have never met a "neither" and it sucks that it's come to this in our community or maybe it's always been like this.
I could go the rest of my life without ever doing it again and be 100% satisfied with my life so...
 

Ed.

Member
Oct 25, 2017
341
I could go the rest of my life without ever doing it again and be 100% satisfied with my life so...
I haven't met you, so my streak still stands I guess? Haha.

Assuming you're a "neither", there has to be a few of us around, but it seems like we're really in the minority or I just seem to have weird luck when I meet guys.
 

Milo Rambaldi

Member
Nov 11, 2017
3,890
Florida
I haven't met you, so my streak still stands I guess? Haha.

Assuming you're a "neither", there has to be a few of us around, but it seems like we're really in the minority or I just seem to have weird luck when I meet guys.
I was just pointing it out, lol. I don't understand the obsession with it all especially when there's so many options available!

Since we're all way too far gone into TMI territory I'm a bottom leaning vers if we're putting labels on it but that also has to do with the fact that bottoming hurts my husband so much that he can't do it (even though he really, really, really wants to) so we have to find something that works for us.

I -can- do it and I -can- enjoy it but I also like not having to deal with it and can be satisfied without it so idk. We're all different and "weird" in our own ways. :)
 

MasaDrew

Member
Jun 20, 2019
37
Recently i've been exploring the top side of my versatility. Partly because i've become more confident and also because Atlanta is bottomopolis. I actually had a streak where there was difficulty for me bottoming for a while. Eventually I became friends with a Sir and once it developed sexually I had to learn how to take the damn whiffle bat he hides in his trousers. TBH it was awful at first, but with time I enjoyed it.

But the best part was that since then any dick i've come across I be like:


I can take em!
 

Archmage

Member
Oct 25, 2017
102
Recently i've been exploring the top side of my versatility. Partly because i've become more confident and also because Atlanta is bottomopolis. I actually had a streak where there was difficulty for me bottoming for a while. Eventually I became friends with a Sir and once it developed sexually I had to learn how to take the damn whiffle bat he hides in his trousers. TBH it was awful at first, but with time I enjoyed it.

But the best part was that since then any dick i've come across I be like:


I can take em!
Hello fellow Atlanta gay!
 

Navtra

Member
Jun 23, 2019
62
Hey everyone! So, those last few months have been both an awkward and exciting time for me. My gender identity has been something I struggled with for years, and I finally decided to do something about it and figure out who I'm. It's been and still is a journey, but actively exploring my gender identity and embracing the queerness (to the extent that doesn't get me killed, given where I live..) has been liberating, fun, and exciting. :)

  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? Genderless (He/She/They are all OK) :)
  • Your sexual orientation? Usually strictly into women, but the love of my life is a non-binary and I'm not sure yet if they're just the exception. Not that I think I'll ever need to figure it out. <3
  • Where Are You From? Middle East
  • How Old Are you? 24
  • Favorite Type of Music? Almost everything.
  • Profession or Career interest? Software Development, Game Development.
  • Favorite video game(s)? Zelda BOTW, A few Final Fantasies, KH2FM+, and Vampire Bloodlines.
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? I like books, manga, movies, and TV. I'm just a sucker for a good story. :p
 

AliceAmber

Moderator
May 2, 2018
868
Tampa, Fl
Hey everyone! So, those last few months have been both an awkward and exciting time for me. My gender identity has been something I struggled with for years, and I finally decided to do something about it and figure out who I'm. It's been and still is a journey, but actively exploring my gender identity and embracing the queerness (to the extent that doesn't get me killed, given where I live..) has been liberating, fun, and exciting. :)

  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? Genderless (He/She/They are all OK) :)
  • Your sexual orientation? Usually strictly into women, but the love of my life is a non-binary and I'm not sure yet if they're just the exception. Not that I think I'll ever need to figure it out. <3
  • Where Are You From? Middle East
  • How Old Are you? 24
  • Favorite Type of Music? Almost everything.
  • Profession or Career interest? Software Development, Game Development.
  • Favorite video game(s)? Zelda BOTW, A few Final Fantasies, KH2FM+, and Vampire Bloodlines.
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? I like books, manga, movies, and TV. I'm just a sucker for a good story. :p
Hello fellow non-binary person!!! Just a heads up if you haven't heard we also have a pretty rad non-binary thread too!
 

Milo Rambaldi

Member
Nov 11, 2017
3,890
Florida
I finally made myself work on the spare room and I promised pictures so here you are. Spoilered so not to destroy mobile connections.








I really hate how Facebook compresses images but you get the general idea. There's a pile of stuff I'm selling by the TV and I need to get a futon for gaming / guests but I'm really proud of how it's coming together.

....I should probably get some more shelves too.
 
OP
OP
Sai

Sai

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,690
Chicago
Helloooooo to all our potential new siblings!

And happy bi visibility day to my bi siblings! <3 We're great.
 

milkyway

Member
May 17, 2018
1,248
Are you telling me I missed bi day?! Damn.

(Not sure bi is 100% accurate for me but it's what I publicly identify as at any rate)
 

MasaDrew

Member
Jun 20, 2019
37
As the hourglass of poppers turns, so is the Gays of our Lives.

Doing my best not to fall into the "met a boy I think he's the one!" meme but I spent time with someone over the weekend and I really see the potential of me being taking off the market. We've talked everyday for the past week over the phone, I spent the weekend with him and his two amazingly boofy dogs in Chattanooga. He surprised me with tickets for Tove Lo in February. He's a freaking catch!

We spent a good bit of time hiking and walking the city, talking and feeling each other out. We have similar views, and although not a deal breaker we don't seem to line up when it comes to PDA. He doesn't have any gay friends, doesn't take part in the community up there, and with the ever possible looming threat of hate crimes etc hes very hesitant to hold hands or kiss in public. We got on the conversation after I had kissed/hugged him on the walking bridge, and although he admitted that he felt safe with me and he liked it I could tell it was something that made him slightly uncomfortable.

In the past this definitely would have been a no from me. I'm the kind of guy that wants to exercise his right to express feelings in public, while understanding theres a time and place. But what i've learned about him is that he really likes to understand where other people are coming from. He's happy to tell his side but he wants to learn and if theres a possibility that he's wrong he wants to develop further.

When he talked about the Tove Lo concert he mentioned that the seats were right in front of each other in the balcony. Its the Tabernacle, so the size and distance make it about as intimate as being right next to each other. When he asked me out stated he wanted me to hold him from behind etc throughout the concert. It surprised me. Maybe its his way to say he's trying :D

Edit - The boy done signed us up for an italian dessert cooking class this saturday when he comes in to town.
 
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TeddieBear

Member
Sep 14, 2019
327
Hey everyone,

I wanted to ask if there are any LGBTQ+ or women-respecting trading card game groups/meet-ups in Los Ángeles?

My sister and I are trying to find some TCG locations, shops, people, buy my little Sister feels uncomfortable going due to bad hygiene and all the guys starting at her, especially when she’s the only woman there.
 

Canucked

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,173
Yay! This thread is in spotlight!

I'll repost this in hops of nerd friends.

  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? (Preferred pronouns?) Male
  • Your sexual orientation? Gay (a little bit bi.)
  • Where Are You From? Calgary Canada
  • Where Do You Live? Calgary
  • How Old Are you? 38
  • Favorite Type of Music? pop and dance
  • Profession or Career interest? Human Resources Technology
  • Favorite video game(s)? Chrono Trigger, Super Metroid, Final Fantasy Tactics, the Last of Us
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Kind of OUT OF CONTROL comic collector as some of you have seen.
 
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BooHooBaby

Member
Sep 19, 2019
2
  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? (Preferred pronouns?): Well, I prefer she/her!
  • Your sexual orientation?: I'm pan sexual!
  • Where Are You From?: I was born in New Mexico!
  • Where Do You Live? Texas!
  • How Old Are you? 17
  • Favorite Type of Music? I like all types of music!
  • Profession or Career interest? I really want to be a song writer/singer
  • Favorite video game(s)? I really like Rainbow Six Seige and Guild Wars 2!
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? I like writing and drawing, but chatting with others is super fun for me too!
Hello! I'm new here to era!