LGBTQera |ERA1| (We're Queer)

MasaDrew

Member
Jun 20, 2019
60
Atlanta Eagle and Heretic regularly have underwear/jock nights. As a bigger guy i've done it before, its fun! But for the most part i'm usually too lazy to check stuff in.

There is a bar next to the latter called BJ Roosters that I had never been in to. Went there a few weeks ago with a couple and the atmosphere was genuinely cringy. Twinkish and gymrat gogo dancers not putting ANY energy into their game and a clientele that consisted of 95% over 45. We went just to get a drink but spent an while people watching. Probably wont go again.
 

The Emperor

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,326
Gotten into a grindr hook up phase after a guy broke my heart. Never had a grindr hook up phase but it's been fun lol Actually finding hot guys I wanna have sex with

This guy who kinda broke my heart...it was a weird thing. I wasnt attracted to him the first time I saw him but on an emotional level we clicked at every beat and then my attraction to him was so strong!!! Has this ever happened to any of you?
 

Archmage

Member
Oct 25, 2017
113
Atlanta Eagle and Heretic regularly have underwear/jock nights. As a bigger guy i've done it before, its fun! But for the most part i'm usually too lazy to check stuff in.

There is a bar next to the latter called BJ Roosters that I had never been in to. Went there a few weeks ago with a couple and the atmosphere was genuinely cringy. Twinkish and gymrat gogo dancers not putting ANY energy into their game and a clientele that consisted of 95% over 45. We went just to get a drink but spent an while people watching. Probably wont go again.
Yea, BJ Roosters isn't that good.

Swinging Richards is where to go for a good gay strip club.
 

Marsy

Member
Dec 4, 2018
145
I was wondering what happened to Kismet. I liked looking at his profile pic. Good looking guy.
 

MasaDrew

Member
Jun 20, 2019
60
Yea, BJ Roosters isn't that good.

Swinging Richards is where to go for a good gay strip club.
Yeah BJ was just creepy....and thats coming from someone who had a bartender from Hideaway try to jam his fingers up my ass.

Honestly the Eagle is a bit of a safe space for me. I pretty much know everyone there and it makes me feel social. It feels easy to just go up to strangers and just talk. Heretic could be that place because they have the video game night (or at least had...I don't think my friend Herbe runs it there anymore). Woofs always felt a little uncomfortable to me. It has a friendlier atmosphere but also has this vibe of the popular kids table but with bears.

Won't catch me at Ten, not my crowd. Blakes is a bit better but I'd have to go more often and get to know some regulars.

I've yet to go to Richards. Could be fun, but I also want to go to the Clairmont Lounge for the sheer novelty.
 

VICTORsaurio

Member
Mar 10, 2018
87
First time posting here!

  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? (Preferred pronouns?) Cis Male / Him
  • Your sexual orientation? Gay
  • Where Are You From? Venezuela
  • Where Do You Live? Mexico City
  • How Old Are you? 33
  • Favorite Type of Music? Pop
  • Profession or Career interest? Motion Graphics Designer
  • Favorite video game(s)? Zelda, Mario, Uncharted.
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Listening to music, going to concerts, watching tv series/netflix, going to the movies, worshipping Taylor Swift and the Spice Girls
Since I moved to Mexico city five years ago I don't really have many friends that I can talk to so I thought I'd give this a try.

A couple of days ago I met the most amazing, handsome, loving, kind man... in Miami while I'm here for work related stuff and now I'm torturing myself about it. Like I want so badly for it to lead to something but don't see any way that it will.
 

VICTORsaurio

Member
Mar 10, 2018
87
Did you met him at work? If not, why don't you give it a try?
No, I met him on Scruff, though we weren't looking to hookup, I know it still is not the best place to meet someone for more than casual sex. He's a hardcore gamer (I wonder if he's here too, lol) I would love to give it a try but I don't live here, I go back to Mexico in a couple of weeks, though I come to Miami a few times over the year.

I know I'm just getting ahead of myself anyway but he's made me feel really comfortable when we're together, like everything just clicks.
 

Nigthwizard

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
282
Costa Rica
No, I met him on Scruff, though we weren't looking to hookup, I know it still is not the best place to meet someone for more than casual sex. He's a hardcore gamer (I wonder if he's here too, lol) I would love to give it a try but I don't live here, I go back to Mexico in a couple of weeks, though I come to Miami a few times over the year.

I know I'm just getting ahead of myself anyway but he's made me feel really comfortable when we're together, like everything just clicks.
Why don't you try being friends with him?
Maybe it could lead to something later, and if doesn't work, at least you got a new friend.
 

MainMain

Alt-Account
Banned
Jun 16, 2019
232
Shujin Academy
I guess I'm a bit of an old timer (well I'm 20, so I guess mentally an old timer / boomer / whatever you choose to label me as), but wasn't queer on the same level as f / / / / t? As in, people would usually use queer as a slur to demean LGBTQ+ folks back in the early 2000s (e.g., "That queer h / m / over there..."). What brought queer out of that status of being labeled as a slur into something used to make yourself feel prideful?

Note for mods: Any use of slurs in this post is meant as an example, I don't encourage anyone to use them / support them.
 

Manipular

Member
Oct 27, 2017
532
Detroit, MI
I guess I'm a bit of an old timer (well I'm 20, so I guess mentally an old timer / boomer / whatever you choose to label me as), but wasn't queer on the same level as f / / / / t? As in, people would usually use queer as a slur to demean LGBTQ+ folks back in the early 2000s (e.g., "That queer h / m / over there..."). What brought queer out of that status of being labeled as a slur into something used to make yourself feel prideful?

Note for mods: Any use of slurs in this post is meant as an example, I don't encourage anyone to use them / support them.
I don't know if it was ever quite on the same level as f*g, but it was still widely seen as a slur, yes.

I don't think there was one inciting moment or incident that brought queer out of slur status, really. It was probably a combination of factors. Younger generations of LGBT+ people not having as much connection to the word's past as a slur the way older generations do/did. Reclaiming the word as an act of defiance against bigots and such. Language simply evolving over time (after all, the word "gay" means something very different today than it did about 100 years ago).

Also, it's just easier to use the word "queer" rather than saying/spelling out the full LGBT+ thing every time.
 

MainMain

Alt-Account
Banned
Jun 16, 2019
232
Shujin Academy
I don't know if it was ever quite on the same level as f*g, but it was still widely seen as a slur, yes.

I don't think there was one inciting moment or incident that brought queer out of slur status, really. It was probably a combination of factors. Younger generations of LGBT+ people not having as much connection to the word's past as a slur the way older generations do/did. Reclaiming the word as an act of defiance against bigots and such. Language simply evolving over time (after all, the word "gay" means something very different today than it did about 100 years ago).

Also, it's just easier to use the word "queer" rather than saying/spelling out the full LGBT+ thing every time.
Will the case of the younger generation reclaiming slurs happen with any other of the current slurs, or is this something exclusively seen with the term queer?
 

lokiduck

The Fallen
Mar 27, 2019
2,932
Washington
Speaking as a 29 year old Bi woman, I like and use the term queer because it feels like a good umbrella term all though I also use LGBTQ+ as well (mainly at work). If I know someone doesn't like the term, I respect their wishes, but it's a term I identify with and feel proud of.
 

Manipular

Member
Oct 27, 2017
532
Detroit, MI
Will the case of the younger generation reclaiming slurs happen with any other of the current slurs, or is this something exclusively seen with the term queer?
Hard to say, really. I think it's already happening to an extent.

Take the word f*g, for instance. It's still widely seen as a slur and lots of LGBT-identifying people don't think the word should be used under any circumstances. Others, like myself, might jokingly use it when among gay friends and laugh about it but don't tolerate a random guy on the street calling them that word. Depends on the context.

I also have several lesbian friends who constantly refer to themselves as d*kes but others despise the word. Again, it all depends on the individual and the context.
 

Tanooki

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,207
Canada
Do you guys block people you know personally on Grindr if you aren’t interested in them sexually/romantically? Good majority of my blocked list falls under this category, and because of that I have to remind myself never to mention or use the app in front of said people.
 

Manipular

Member
Oct 27, 2017
532
Detroit, MI
Do you guys block people you know personally on Grindr if you aren’t interested in them sexually/romantically? Good majority of my blocked list falls under this category, and because of that I have to remind myself never to mention or use the app in front of said people.
I had to block this one friend of a friend who kept trying to sleep with me even though he had a girlfriend. He just wouldn't take "no" for an answer.

Beyond that, though, I almost never run into friends I'm not attracted to on apps. If we do run across each other, we'll usually have a laugh and then move on, but as I said, it's pretty rare.
 

Arcana Wiz

Member
Oct 26, 2017
150
I posted the introductions on the old site but because I've never posted here on Era I will do it again.
  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? -Cis Male
  • Your sexual orientation? - Gay, but very rarely I'm attracted to a woman so Bi?
  • Where Are You From? - Brazil
  • How Old Are you? - 24
  • Favorite Type of Music? - Pop, electronic, and whatever is on the top hits
  • Profession or Career interest? -Graduating this Year - Engineering
  • Favorite video game(s)? - JRPGs, Strategy games and Action (DMC)
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming - Reading and now going to the gym
I think this OT the here is much more slower than the old place, most people went for Discord?

And to get an invite i can still PM the people listed on the first post?
 
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Leo

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,217
I had posted the introductions on the old site but because I've never posted here on Era I will do it again.
  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? -Cis Male
  • Your sexual orientation? - Gay, but very rarely I'm attracted to a woman so Bi?
  • Where Are You From? - Brazil
  • How Old Are you? - 24
  • Favorite Type of Music? - Pop, electronic, and whatever is on the top hits
  • Profession or Career interest? -Graduating this Year - Engineering
  • Favorite video game(s)? - JRPGs, Strategy games and Action (DMC)
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming - Reading and now going to the gym
I think this OT the here is much more slower than the old place, most people went for Discord?

And to get an invite i can still PM the people listed on the first post?
Welcome!

Always nice to have other brazilians here.
 

VICTORsaurio

Member
Mar 10, 2018
87
Do you guys block people you know personally on Grindr if you aren’t interested in them sexually/romantically? Good majority of my blocked list falls under this category, and because of that I have to remind myself never to mention or use the app in front of said people.
People who I'm fairly close with I don't mind seeing on the app since I guess we know nothing's gonna happen. People I don't know that well and don't have some sort of romantic interest I do block just to avoid an awkward situation.
 

ChrisEnri

Member
Mar 30, 2019
40
Haven’t posted here in a while, hope everyone is doing great.

So I stopped using grindr cause guys in Mexico City are shallow and that kind of affected the perception I had of myself and decided to go to the gym. It’s been 6 months and I am actually enjoying.

I’m really bad at socializing but there’s this guy I have a crush on and I think he has seen me watching him at the gym, long story short, he approached one day to say hi and has been doing it a lot, lately he has been trying to joke and yesterday he made a joke that according to my friends was flirting but I don’t know if it is cause I’m so bad at this.

Anyway, that’s been my life since last I posted.
 

Psychoward

Member
Nov 7, 2017
24,552
Small little thing but I put the pride flag in my dating profiles the other day.

I'm still not sure exactly what my orientation is but it's been pretty clear it's not straight for years now and I figured I might as well cause anyone I talk to for a decent amount of time I'm gonna open up about my past experiences and my current thoughts so yeah.

:)
 

Tanooki

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,207
Canada
When inviting someone in an open relationship out, should you invite their significant other as well? There’s this guy who is friend of some friends, that I’ve been talking to a bit recently, and we have both made it clear we’d like to hook up eventually. I invited him to a party once before, and said his s/o can come too. He didn’t comment on that, and just said “I will try to come!” I’ve invited him to another party this weekend, but didn’t mention his spouse. Should I? or should I not? I usually just avoid open relationship people, but this guy is too cute lol.
 

VICTORsaurio

Member
Mar 10, 2018
87
When inviting someone in an open relationship out, should you invite their significant other as well? There’s this guy who is friend of some friends, that I’ve been talking to a bit recently, and we have both made it clear we’d like to hook up eventually. I invited him to a party once before, and said his s/o can come too. He didn’t comment on that, and just said “I will try to come!” I’ve invited him to another party this weekend, but didn’t mention his spouse. Should I? or should I not? I usually just avoid open relationship people, but this guy is too cute lol.
I guess it depends on the rules he and his partner have setup but I don't see any problem in asking him out by himself.
 

Tanooki

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,207
Canada
I guess it depends on the rules he and his partner have setup but I don't see any problem in asking him out by himself.
Yeah, I’m trying to figure that out without directly asking. I’m very confident in them doing stuff separate, because his boyfriend never seems to go out with him - but there’s a part of me that still feels like I have to invite both. I guess it’s because if I were in a relationship, open or otherwise, I’d always want my boy there. (or at least I say that now - we’ll see how I actually feel when/if that day comes lol)
 

VICTORsaurio

Member
Mar 10, 2018
87
Yeah, I’m trying to figure that out without directly asking. I’m very confident in them doing stuff separate, because his boyfriend never seems to go out with him - but there’s a part of me that still feels like I have to invite both. I guess it’s because if I were in a relationship, open or otherwise, I’d always want my boy there. (or at least I say that now - we’ll see how I actually feel when/if that day comes lol)
I don't have any experience but I think in open relationships there's no problem seeing other people, as long as the other partner knows about it. Like each one gets to have some fun on the side.

Then there's poliamory where I believe means you could have a full on relationship with more than one people.
 
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MasaDrew

Member
Jun 20, 2019
60
Yeah, I’m trying to figure that out without directly asking. I’m very confident in them doing stuff separate, because his boyfriend never seems to go out with him - but there’s a part of me that still feels like I have to invite both. I guess it’s because if I were in a relationship, open or otherwise, I’d always want my boy there. (or at least I say that now - we’ll see how I actually feel when/if that day comes lol)

If the vibe you're getting is that they play separate then just roll with that. Normally if both parties are included you would have been advised of that by now. If you have any concern that there may be something going on (like the partner being in the dark) and that makes you uncomfortable then you need to communicate that.

Sounds like the dynamic has just been him so far. Roll with that.
 

Tanooki

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,207
Canada
We should all change our avatars to selfies in his honour. (I'm just curious what everyone looks like) 😇
 
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Tanooki

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,207
Canada
I would but I'm unattractive. :(
I use to feel the same way. Taking selfies and sharing them on social media and stuff, actually really helped boost my self-esteem! Even if no one commented on it, just getting more comfortable with seeing myself kinda made me appreciate myself more. If that makes sense?

Not saying you have to post a picture a picture or anything you're not comfortable with, though. Just a suggestion! :) I'm sure you're a lot better looking than you're giving yourself credit for!

Is it okay if we just post selfies in this thread if we don't want to change our avatars?
Of course!
 

Thequietone

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,551
I use to feel the same way. Taking selfies and sharing them on social media and stuff, actually really helped boost my self-esteem! Even if no one commented on it, just getting more comfortable with seeing myself kinda made me appreciate myself more. If that makes sense?

Not saying you have to post a picture a picture or anything you're not comfortable with, though. Just a suggestion! :) I'm sure you're a lot better looking than you're giving yourself credit for!

Of course!
People say I'm cute all the time but it's been awhile since I've been in a relationship or dated. So it feels like people just say it to be nice. I've talked with my therapist about my trust issues with people. I've been hurt too many times in the past so I always think the negative possible reason for a person to be nice to me.
 

MasaDrew

Member
Jun 20, 2019
60

I'll change my avi AND share a grainy selfie! Muahaha

Years of tumblr either desensitized me to posting selfies or raised my self esteem and body image. Haven't decided which yet.

I'm currently playing Sword and just got the Fairy Badge. I haven't played the series since Silver but I'm really enjoying it criticisms aside. The gameplay loop is just too stronk. Also Grimmsnarl and Toxtricity are my precious cinnamon rolls.
 
Nov 27, 2019
84
Apologies in advance for the forthcoming wall of text, this is largely new to me and I'm still figuring things out.
  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? (Preferred pronouns?) I've recently come to the conclusion I'm some variety of non-binary. I go by him/he exclusively IRL, undecided if I would feel any different about it in online interactions, I guess.
  • Your sexual orientation? Attracted to women.
  • Where Are You From? US of A
  • Where Do You Live? Seattle area
  • How Old Are You? Let's just say that for my midlife crisis, I apparently decided I was going to realize I’m non-binary and reconstruct my entire sense of self.
  • Favorite Type of Music? Mostly metal, but a lot of female-fronted pop on my phone as well.
  • Profession or Career Interest? I currently work in the tech sector. I like it well enough.
  • Favorite Video Game(s)? Soulsborne and SRPGs
  • What Are Your Hobbies (Other than gaming)? I read/listen to audiobooks. A lot. Think I go through an average of six a month. I like comics, but rarely actually read them, it seems.
So my entire life I’ve identified as a straight cis male. I unironically like rainbows, unicorns, glitter, and Lisa Frank shit. All my close friends are women, and I’m more comfortable around women than men. For me, that always fell within the bounds of normalcy for a straight cis male. Call it being in touch with my feminine side, call it being secure in my masculinity, whatever. I was a dude, I liked women, therefore the label fit as far as I saw it.

What was not in the bounds of normalcy for me is that sometimes my internal conception of myself doesn’t line up with the physical me. Most of the time this is happening in dreams where I’m a low-femme woman. Big deal, those are just dreams. But sometimes I catch myself thinking of myself in those terms in waking life as well, and I have a hell of a lot harder time dismissing that.

I also sometimes get intensely jealous of women’s bodies, even as I’m attracted to them. I will simultaneously want to be them and, ah, be intimate with them, which is a really strange sensation. This also happens on a nonsexual level where I get envious of a woman’s hair or figure or attire and wish I could have that look.

Those gender-swap selfie image filters that were all the rage a while back really did a number on me, and I would constantly download one of the apps and run the filter on various selfies. It was kind of like viewing that internal conception of myself that I mentioned earlier, only it was no longer just imagination. It was what I might look like as a woman. But then I would go and delete it because it made me feel weird and uncomfortable until I would work up the nerve to download it again.

I want to be clear that I don’t think there is any meaningful degree of dysphoria here. I’m totally comfortable in my body, and while I have these impulses to want to be a woman, I never want to surrender my male identity. I downright, straight up, like being a guy. These are two states that exist concurrently in my head, I’m not going back and forth between genders and don’t feel like I’m living the wrong gender. That made for a lot of cognitive dissonance: I am, with absolute certainty, a straight man. So why would I have these thoughts and feelings? I didn’t have an answer and conscientiously avoided trying to think about it.

I think I’ve been wrestling with this stuff on some level for a very long time. I’ve lurked LGBTQ+/Trans threads for years, though never actively participating. I mean, why would I? I’m a straight cis straight guy, I wouldn't belong there, right? But I was still always caught up in the orbit of any threads about gender, even though I never had a conscious reason. eJawa posted an article in another thread that I found had a lot of truth in it (though I still wouldn’t identify myself as trans) and echoes a lot of feelings I had as a teenager around the same period of time. But still, there was denial. I am a guy, I like women, the rest was maybe just a kink or something.

And this part is really fucking stupid, but Sayonara Wild Hearts kind of upended my whole psyche and sense of self.

This transformation sequence where the player character turns into the Fool—who happens to be very similar to that occasional self-image I would have of myself as a woman (minus the superhero accouterments)—it just… it fucking broke something in me. Hard. I identified so completely and utterly with the character so much that the heartache and longing literally hurt. Plus it’s a game about lesbian sword dancing on the back of motorcycles at 200 mph, so it was already up my alley. So that was the thing that penetrated the shell of denial and at least got me questioning things, though I was at a loss as to how I would describe a gender identity for myself beyond very broad generalities of “non-binary.”

I finally found what I’m almost certain is the answer when I found out that being demiflux was a thing. It recontextualized everything for me and immediately gave a kind of relief for being able to put a name to what I had going on. I identify as a straight guy, but I simultaneously identify as varying degrees of female. Sometimes that degree is neutral or agender leaving me with only the male aspect. Other times it can be fairly strong, but I wouldn't go so far as to say I go full bigender. And maybe if I stop trying to run away from or suppress those feelings I might find out that I’m really am bigender or genderfluid or something, but right now this fits me to a fucking T, regardless of whether or not it is officially recognized as a legitimate gender orientation or whatever.

I am fortunately married to the most loving and understanding woman in the fucking world, and I didn’t hesitate to talk to her about all this beyond making sure to do so while no one else was around because I am absolutely not ready to be out of the closet about this with anyone but her, and may very well never be ready. She was and continues to be incredibly supportive about it, but I never really thought it would be otherwise, because she is an amazing and open-minded person. Bizarrely—and maybe a little spookily—she had spent the commute home that very evening wondering how relationships pan out when one or the other partner comes out as trans and ultimately decided that nothing would change if it happened to us because we’re still us. And it’s true, I’m still me, we’re still us, I just have a better understanding of exactly who I am now.

In a lot of ways, I still feel like I'm intruding here. My counting myself as non-binary seems like a technicality or cheat since I still consider the constant, static aspect of my gender identity of being a cis hetero male, and so am arguably still one foot in the conventional gender binary even as I self-proclaim I’m non-binary. I'm also cognizant of the fact that my own trials and tribulations regarding this have absolutely nothing on those who have been persecuted and marginalized by society for their own sexual and gender identity or suffer physical and emotional distress because of it. I could see people who have struggled with this stuff to a far more significant degree viewing me as a poser, and I would be the last person to disabuse them of that perspective, because even I question whether I can rightfully claim a place there.

So. Yeah. That’s me.

Hi.
 
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