LGBTQera |ERA1| (We're Queer)

Marsy

Member
Dec 4, 2018
177
California bay area with my brother but it's temporary. Like probably until March temporary. I don't make enough to rent on my own and people never even respond when I go through room mate ads. Most people are just telling me good luck and that's it. What'll probably happen is I'll be on the street again and I'll just have to find something for my cat. Sucks but if I survived it once I can do it again. My birthday is soon, what a great birthday present. So glad Im on medication because I don't think I could handle this alone.
Have you tried reaching out to the people at the Billy Defrank Center? Also, how is your cat? What kind of temperament?
 
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Gibbs

Member
Oct 25, 2017
126
West Virginia
Has Inukage updated us on him and his guy? I'm curious!

I swear each year is worse than the last for me. I have to move soon again...and what makes it worst is that I owe a lot in taxes, so much that it's almost half of my savings. No one seems to want to help except this religious person at my job offered her place but I'm afraid even that won't be an option if she finds put I'm part of the LGBTQ+ community. I've been homeless before and while I'd rather find any alternative I guess it won't be all bad...I just hate putting my cat in a shelter because the street is no place for him but he is also very scared of any human that isn't me.
I am so sorry Thequietone. This is heartbreaking. Have you tried reaching out to the IRS to set up a payment plan? I imagine that they would try to work with you if they knew the circumstances. Not all religious people are insane with the LGBTQ community, and I know from experience on this. Perhaps you could have a talk with this person as the offer is incredibly kind and thoughtful.

If you lived on the east coast I would take you in but you're on the opposite coast =(. Have you reached out to LGBTQ organizations to see if they can help? Same with low income housing?
 

Inukage

Member
Oct 25, 2017
173
Down Under
Has Inukage updated us on him and his guy? I'm curious!
Heya Gibbs! Yup, its been so hectic https://www.resetera.com/threads/lgbtqera-era1-were-queer.370/page-138#post-25451667


Me and Francis went on a few holidays in December before his big January surgery, first we went to Queensland to meet his extended family and I took this opportunity to propose to Francis (https://imgur.com/QHCGWQt) where he said YES!!!! (we’ve been planning our wedding since)

Francis went through with his big surgery in January and his results came back and he is now Cancer free and is well on the road to recovery.

It has been a very eventful few months with lots of ups and down and as I previously stated there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, just got to stay positive!

Hope you've been doing well <3
 

IvorB

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,845
California bay area with my brother but it's temporary. Like probably until March temporary. I don't make enough to rent on my own and people never even respond when I go through room mate ads. Most people are just telling me good luck and that's it. What'll probably happen is I'll be on the street again and I'll just have to find something for my cat. Sucks but if I survived it once I can do it again. My birthday is soon, what a great birthday present. So glad Im on medication because I don't think I could handle this alone.
Oh man. I'm so sorry to hear this :(. I hope something comes through for you soon.
 

Gibbs

Member
Oct 25, 2017
126
West Virginia
Heya Gibbs! Yup, its been so hectic https://www.resetera.com/threads/lgbtqera-era1-were-queer.370/page-138#post-25451667


Me and Francis went on a few holidays in December before his big January surgery, first we went to Queensland to meet his extended family and I took this opportunity to propose to Francis (https://imgur.com/QHCGWQt) where he said YES!!!! (we’ve been planning our wedding since)

Francis went through with his big surgery in January and his results came back and he is now Cancer free and is well on the road to recovery.

It has been a very eventful few months with lots of ups and down and as I previously stated there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, just got to stay positive!

Hope you've been doing well <3
Dude I am in such awe right now over this! First off, congratulations on your engagement!! I couldn't be happier for you! Second off, I am so glad he is cancer free! Second chances at life are huge and this is a win, and now you both can start fresh with your soon to be married life. Just breathe, stay positive, and everything will work itself out. =) Gotta have faith.

I'm hanging in there. It's been incredibly rocky but I am working through some stuff. Take care dude and again, congratulations and heres to a long and happy life with Francis <33333
 

Yata

Member
Feb 1, 2019
852
Spain
Got my heart broken for the first time (maybe the last too?).

That sounds too melodramatic, though, I know I will get over this.
 

Gibbs

Member
Oct 25, 2017
126
West Virginia
Got my heart broken for the first time (maybe the last too?).

That sounds too melodramatic, though, I know I will get over this.
I'm sorry you're dealing with your first heart break. As days turn to weeks, months, and years, you'll move on and it will get easier to a sense. Just do whats best for you, and do things that make you happy. Go for a walk, read a book, listen to music. There is no timeline to get over what happened, and don't allow people to force that on you. Mourn, deal with the raw emotions and ultimately you will be ok. My inbox is always open if you need to talk. =)

My first relationship lasted 5 years, and it will be 5 years since he left in September and I haven't gotten over it completely. Granted I've been on one or two dates but I just have no interest, nor do I feel I'll ever have a connection with someone like I did him.
 

Yata

Member
Feb 1, 2019
852
Spain
Bah! Do I need to beat someone up?(๑˃̶͈̀o˂̶͈́๑)

Hope you feel better. It’s a gradual process.
I'm sorry you're dealing with your first heart break. As days turn to weeks, months, and years, you'll move on and it will get easier to a sense. Just do whats best for you, and do things that make you happy. Go for a walk, read a book, listen to music. There is no timeline to get over what happened, and don't allow people to force that on you. Mourn, deal with the raw emotions and ultimately you will be ok. My inbox is always open if you need to talk. =)

My first relationship lasted 5 years, and it will be 5 years since he left in September and I haven't gotten over it completely. Granted I've been on one or two dates but I just have no interest, nor do I feel I'll ever have a connection with someone like I did him.
Thank you both for your kind responses, and I am sorry to hear that Gibbs, that sounds really hard. I think there will always be people out there made just for you, and this is said by a very big weirdo, so I am sure you will find someone sooner or later. And if you don't want to, that's also fine too, it's more important to find happiness on your own.

You shouldn't worry, though, we were never in a relationship and it was 100% my fault things ended up like this.
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Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!
 
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Gibbs

Member
Oct 25, 2017
126
West Virginia
Thank you both for your kind responses, and I am sorry to hear that Gibbs, that sounds really hard. I think there will always be people out there made just for you, and this is said by a very big weirdo, so I am sure you will find someone sooner or later. And if you don't want to, that's also fine too, it's more important to find happiness on your own.

You shouldn't worry, though, we were never in a relationship and it was 100% my fault things ended up like this. [Hidden content] Play stupid games, win stupid prices!
Oh I truly believe that there is someone specifically for one another. I thought I met my guy. We were such a fantastic team, and I loved him more than life itself. I honestly didn't know I could love someone that much. I really miss him and think about him every single day. One day I may meet someone, who knows? Maybe my ex and I will fall back into a healthy space some day and atleast find closure on everything. Until then I just have to live and heal. Life has a crazy way of connecting dots.

Sad thing is that on the dates I have been on, or if I hung out with people, he is still the one person I constantly think about while I'm out, or I would think "Damn, J would love experiencing this!" I think the reality of a lot of it is that I miss my bestfriend.

Relationships are hard, and I think going in with expectations verses reality is what people need to focus on. In your situation, you stated "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" and that speaks to me on many levels with some of the things I had to deal with in my relationship towards the end. Even though things happened, there is always a chance you can fix or make things right, even on a closure level of respect and forgiveness. Though that is for you to ultimately decide if its worth it or not.


Yata Gibbs I hope both of you find someone special if that's what you wish.
One day my goal is to meet a guy and get married. Though at 32 years old, the reality of being alone terrifies me more and more. We'll see.
 

RM8

Member
Oct 28, 2017
4,460
JP
So guys, I had a 10/10 first date that lasted all day long. It's the most fun I've had in a while, we seemingly have a lot in common, and he wants us to go to a museum next Saturday. Things are going okay, right? I honestly don't remember how it feels like to hit it off with a guy, lol. I don't know if he likes me back (it's almost like a rule when I date - only one of us ends up liking the other one :P) but at least he didn't lose interest after our first date, so I'll call it a small victory :P
 

Gibbs

Member
Oct 25, 2017
126
West Virginia
So guys, I had a 10/10 first date that lasted all day long. It's the most fun I've had in a while, we seemingly have a lot in common, and he wants us to go to a museum next Saturday. Things are going okay, right? I honestly don't remember how it feels like to hit it off with a guy, lol. I don't know if he likes me back (it's almost like a rule when I date - only one of us ends up liking the other one :P) but at least he didn't lose interest after our first date, so I'll call it a small victory :P
An all day date sounds like a fantastic sign! When a date goes so effortlessly and you both have a good time is such a win.I definitely think its a good thing considering he wants to see you again and have already made plans!

Take your victory and enjoy the ride. Worse case scenario is that you get a good friend, but in the best case like currently is that you get a boyfriend. Don't overthink and just have fun!
 

Nigthwizard

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
301
Costa Rica
So guys, I had a 10/10 first date that lasted all day long. It's the most fun I've had in a while, we seemingly have a lot in common, and he wants us to go to a museum next Saturday. Things are going okay, right? I honestly don't remember how it feels like to hit it off with a guy, lol. I don't know if he likes me back (it's almost like a rule when I date - only one of us ends up liking the other one :P) but at least he didn't lose interest after our first date, so I'll call it a small victory :P
That sounds incredible, if he wants to see you again right off the bat it's a good sign.
Have fun and go get him
 
May 20, 2018
7,743
Ponds
This is a little embarrassing, but here goes. How does a 24-year old with pretty much no relationship experience begin to dip their toes in the water?

I've been on one Grindr date that didn't go anywhere. I go out to play DDR, D&D nights, and that's about it besides work. So it's not like I'm cooped up at home all the time.
27, bi-curious and zero relationship experience, don't feel bad. You'll find the right person eventually.
 

Wulfric

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,441
27, bi-curious and zero relationship experience, don't feel bad. You'll find the right person eventually.
LOL I'm 29 and I've had very few relationships my whole life, mind you I haven't exactly tried to resolve that. XD
I have an update actually:

I made some new friends at my next furry convention and met up with old ones. Lots of hugs and dinner was had.

Long story short, I have a little experience under my belt now.
 

jeelybeans

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,824
Reading the bleak "Dating Market" thread - https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-‘dating-market’-is-getting-worse.172012/page-6 I can't help but agree. My mental health improves considerably when I delete grindr. But I still keep tinder on in the hopes that I meet someone.

The question is, if I were to eventually delete tinder, what are some ways to meet people? Bars dont really work for me nowadays, everyone goes in groups, people arne't there to meet people they are there for sunday funday or whatever nonsense.

Someone recommended a gay sports league, but I'm really not into competitive sports lol.

I will be going to a gay theater group get together later this month, that should be nice.
 

metalslimer

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
5,864
So I've been dating my current partner for almost a year now and I know it sounds crazy but I've felt since I met him that he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I know I should wait to even start thinking about proposals but we have already decided we already talk about what our future looks like together. Its almost scary in a sense that I worry constantly about something happening to him when I'm not with him.
 

Ed.

Member
Oct 25, 2017
412
Reading the bleak "Dating Market" thread - https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-‘dating-market’-is-getting-worse.172012/page-6 I can't help but agree. My mental health improves considerably when I delete grindr. But I still keep tinder on in the hopes that I meet someone.

The question is, if I were to eventually delete tinder, what are some ways to meet people? Bars dont really work for me nowadays, everyone goes in groups, people arne't there to meet people they are there for sunday funday or whatever nonsense.

Someone recommended a gay sports league, but I'm really not into competitive sports lol.

I will be going to a gay theater group get together later this month, that should be nice.
I'd maybe give the gay sports league a try at least. I know you don't like competitive sports, but there are a lot to choose from that might do it for you. Maybe bowling or something. I tried it, and even though it's a competitive sport, every one was generally pretty laid back about the whole thing and there for the fun instead of just winning. Just something to think about and maybe look into.

Another option is just meetups in general. I went to a gay board game meetup and got to meet people there. Maybe there are movie groups or hiking groups. The theater group already sounds like a great idea.
 

Wulfric

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,441
Reading the bleak "Dating Market" thread - https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-‘dating-market’-is-getting-worse.172012/page-6 I can't help but agree. My mental health improves considerably when I delete grindr. But I still keep tinder on in the hopes that I meet someone.

The question is, if I were to eventually delete tinder, what are some ways to meet people? Bars dont really work for me nowadays, everyone goes in groups, people arne't there to meet people they are there for sunday funday or whatever nonsense.

Someone recommended a gay sports league, but I'm really not into competitive sports lol.

I will be going to a gay theater group get together later this month, that should be nice.
For me, I realized I wasn't going to have much success on apps like Scruff and Growlr.

I started becoming more confident and sociable once I started going to kink "munches". So the attendees already have something in common, but the focus is the bowling/lunch/board game of the month.

A little experience under your belt under your belt. :P
Basically, that's what happened. XD I learned a few things I was into that I didn't know before.
 

TRUE ORDER

Member
Oct 30, 2017
2,958
I'm 29 and never been on a relationship, sometimes I think that something must be wrong with me but then I try to not be so negative lol

We'll find someone at some point, hopefully!!
 

hateradio

Member
Oct 28, 2017
4,502
welcome, nowhere
I'm 29 and never been on a relationship, sometimes I think that something must be wrong with me but then I try to not be so negative lol

We'll find someone at some point, hopefully!!
LOL I'm 29 and I've had very few relationships my whole life, mind you I haven't exactly tried to resolve that. XD
Same boat. Hell, at this point I only identify as LGBTQ for the great free snacks.
Well, if it's any constellation it's okay!

* * *

I'm kinda in an ace-ish point in my life, and I'm dealing with a lot of alienation. Finding friends in person is hard when queer men are always coming at everything from a POV of sex. Being friends with straight men is okay, but they don't really get it either. Womxn friends are hard to come by.

I appreciate the few who have been able to accept my boundaries, but it just becomes so upsetting over time when you try to make new friends. And the same BS comes up.

I'm just so over male aggression, micro-aggression, and entitlement. I don't want to appropriate women's struggles, but I've always empathized. Because you're a man you're only an object to queer men. I feel like I'm being told to smile. It doesn't sound like a bad thing, but it just feels so oppressing when I can't just be who I am.

It's like everyone is so sex positive (which is such a nothing phrase when applied to most guys), yet when I ask people to respect my boundaries -- the fact that I don't want to have sex or talk about it -- they have to dig deeper, as if it's any of their business. That entitlement is what gets me the most.
 
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Sphinx

Member
Nov 29, 2017
1,621
Era, what's your stance regarding the following safe sex topic:

when talking about a serodiscordant monogamous couple, is +undetecable/-onPrep safe enough to get rid of condoms?

Internet (CDC, health sites, etc) seems to think so but I am a bit wary.
 

Sagitario

Member
Oct 26, 2017
762
Well, if it's any constellation it's okay!

* * *

I'm kinda in an ace-ish point in my life, and I'm dealing with a lot of alienation. Finding friends in person is hard when queer men are always coming at everything from a POV of sex. Being friends with straight men is okay, but they don't really get it either. Womxn friends are hard to come by.

I appreciate the few who have been able to accept my boundaries, but it just becomes so upsetting over time when you try to make new friends. And the same BS comes up.

I'm just so over male aggression, micro-aggression, and entitlement. I don't want to appropriate women's struggles, but I've always empathized. Because you're a man you're only an object to queer men. I feel like I'm being told to smile. It doesn't sound like a bad thing, but it just feels so oppressing when I can't just be who I am.

It's like everyone is so sex positive (which is such a nothing phrase when applied to most guys), yet when I ask people to respect my boundaries -- the fact that I don't want to have sex or talk about it -- they have to dig deeper, as if it's any of their business. That entitlement is what gets me the most.


(hug)
 

Aarglefarg

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,338
Era, what's your stance regarding the following safe sex topic:

when talking about a serodiscordant monogamous couple, is +undetecable/-onPrep safe enough to get rid of condoms?

Internet (CDC, health sites, etc) seems to think so but I am a bit wary.
Exclusively about HIV it would be safe. There are more possible issues than HIV though.
 

Terra Torment

Member
Jan 4, 2020
266
Hi, I'm new to ResetERA but I have been out since 2014 as transgender. It's been one hell of a journey for me. Lost my income from my teaching job because Duval County Public Schools wasn't cool with me being trans which made me lose my car. I moved to Chicago but decided to leave teaching. I love it up here but the adjustment was rough. I wound up homeless 3 different times and the various messed up things that have happened have given me PTSD. I'm going back to school while waiting for disability. I have a lot of war stories.

What have other trans women done to improve their voices? I don't think I can afford proper speech therapy, at least not for a while. If you were able to get speech therapy, how did you get it?
 
Oct 27, 2017
767
Era, what's your stance regarding the following safe sex topic:

when talking about a serodiscordant monogamous couple, is +undetecable/-onPrep safe enough to get rid of condoms?

Internet (CDC, health sites, etc) seems to think so but I am a bit wary.
Hey! I work at an HIV-non profit and on different sex ed initiatives, so I'll try to give you my 2 cents on this:

Imo, that would be the safest bet. An undetectable person that lives with HIV will not transmit the virus. So as long as that person is a-ok with their ARV treatment, then they're good to go. If the couple is strictly monogamous, PrEP might not even be needed considering there's no real risk of transmission as long as they're keeping their viral load in undetectable levels (they can discuss this with their doctor, as well).

However, relationships can be flexible or may open, and if you're not 100% sure about the state of your relationship (are you sleeping with other people or not), it's definitely something you need to communicate with each other. In my country, the 2nd largest % of new HIV infections were married straight women. Obviously, one of the biggest risks of undisclosed hook ups, is the possibility of re-infection among people living with HIV (even more so, when some people still believe that people living with HIV can't reinfect with a different strain, which might make them resistant to their own treatment, thus, no longer undetectable).
 

Thequietone

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,671
Sorry for the late replies. Been dealing with a lot.


Have you tried reaching out to the people at the Billy Defrank Center? Also, how is your cat? What kind of temperament?
I'll keep them in mind. He hides and hisses at anyone that isn't me. He'd probably be considered feral if they didn't know better. He's just very anti social but a love bug to me.
I am so sorry Thequietone. This is heartbreaking. Have you tried reaching out to the IRS to set up a payment plan? I imagine that they would try to work with you if they knew the circumstances. Not all religious people are insane with the LGBTQ community, and I know from experience on this. Perhaps you could have a talk with this person as the offer is incredibly kind and thoughtful.

If you lived on the east coast I would take you in but you're on the opposite coast =(. Have you reached out to LGBTQ organizations to see if they can help? Same with low income housing?
Thanks, and long time no see. Right now it's kinda weird. He won't let me go any where with "strangers" so even if someone offered I would be going against his wishes. He hasn't really brought it up again so maybe I'm fine for now? IDK. As for the religious coworker...she likes me but I know enough about her that I know she would be discriminatory to me if she knew. She takes the Bible very literally and won't listen to anyone who tries to explain that that passage wasn't meant to be literal.
Oh man. I'm so sorry to hear this :(. I hope something comes through for you soon.
Thanks. Hopefully things turn out for the best but ever since my suicide attempt things have just been spiraling out of control. Thankfully I still have meds for about 40 days.
 

Marsy

Member
Dec 4, 2018
177
Sorry for the late replies. Been dealing with a lot.


I'll keep them in mind. He hides and hisses at anyone that isn't me. He'd probably be considered feral if they didn't know better. He's just very anti social but a love bug to me.
That's unfortunate about the cat. I wouldn't be able to take him as I have rooms mates.

As for the Billy DeFrank center, I really suggest you go there for help. I know they can help with IRS and housing. The earlier you go the better.

Good to hear you're ok.
 

RM8

Member
Oct 28, 2017
4,460
JP
Reading the bleak "Dating Market" thread - https://www.resetera.com/threads/the-‘dating-market’-is-getting-worse.172012/page-6 I can't help but agree. My mental health improves considerably when I delete grindr. But I still keep tinder on in the hopes that I meet someone.

The question is, if I were to eventually delete tinder, what are some ways to meet people? Bars dont really work for me nowadays, everyone goes in groups, people arne't there to meet people they are there for sunday funday or whatever nonsense.

Someone recommended a gay sports league, but I'm really not into competitive sports lol.

I will be going to a gay theater group get together later this month, that should be nice.
I'm jealous of people living in countries where deleting Grindr (or similar apps) is an option, lol. Especially when you're not into bars / clubbing, it's just impossible to meet gay guys otherwise. I don't even have Tinder here in Japan - straight men use it to find male friends! You'll even see guys with "not looking for gay people" in their profile.

Honestly, though? I haven't had bad experiences with Grindr. I only agree to meet with guys who are looking for friends at first (or friends, period), that's a pretty good filter in my experience.
 

resonance

Member
Oct 28, 2017
82
I spend 90% of my time on Era lurking, but felt like it was the right time to reach out here.
  • Your gender? Your sexual identity? (Preferred pronouns?) Trans woman
  • Your sexual orientation? Bi with strong preference for women
  • Where Are You From? Mid-Atlantic
  • Where Do You Live? Still Mid-Atlantic
  • How Old Are you? 26
  • Favorite Type of Music? Metal
  • Profession or Career interest? Wrapping up my PhD and looking for jobs as a research chemist in industry
  • Favorite video game(s)? Civilization series, Smash Ultimate. I played Smash competitively for a while in my local scene, did fairly well, but fell out of it after a while; I love the game, but not enough to put in the time/effort needed to compete on a regional level.
  • What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Gardening and cooking.
Transition has been a strange process. Self-teaching voice training has been miserable to be honest, and since I work in a rural area, professional resources for that are out of my reach until I graduate and move to a more urban area. I don't feel comfortable presenting female while I still sound like a dude, so I'm not on HRT and only out to a handful of friends and trusted coworkers. My father knows but doesn't take me seriously. Basically all I've done in the year since I realized I was trans is grow my head hair out, bank sperm, laser my facial hair, and dress feminine in private. I've basically accepted that I'll graduate with my birth name on my doctorate, apply for jobs as a man, and then see where I am.

I've been interested in dating for a while but was always too socially anxious to even consider it. Therapy and meds helped with the anxiety, but then discovering my gender identity complicated everything. I could date as a straight man, but what happens if things get more serious? I have no hope of passing as a woman yet, so I definitely don't feel comfortable dating that way. I guess the best course of action is to wait...

I'm not much of a DIscord person (in general I'm more comfortable having conversations in person) but I might pop my head in there at some point and check out the community.
 

MIMIC

Member
Dec 18, 2017
3,731
So I know I'm going to regret posting....but

I'm gay (or bi...but gay seems a lot less complicated, lol). I'm currently 34 and haven't been in a proper relationship in a long ass time. The reason I say I might be bi is because growing up, I legitimately was attracted to girls. And I had a crush on a female friend of mine back in high school and spent a lot of my time scheming ways to be around her. A few years ago, I got jealous when I saw on FB that she was in a relationship. But anyway, as I got older, my attraction to girls faded and my attraction to guys increased.

Fast forward to a few months ago. I had an epiphany, and decided to act on my attraction to guys (sorta pushed to do this after my mom asked if I had a girlfriend for the millionth time). So about a month ago, I went on a date....with a guy. It was the most surreal experience of my entire life. In my head, I just kept repeating, "I'm on a date with a guy. I'm on a date with a guy." I enjoyed the date (or at least did a good job pretending to), but we said our goodbyes and that was that. So that was the first step. Now, I'm seeing this guy who lives in another city. We "met" on a dating app. I say "met" because -- ironically -- we're from the same hometown AND went to the same church as kids. Two gay guys meeting in church. Imagine that! lol

Anyway, I really like him and I think he really likes me. I don't know if he was joking but he said that he didn't think I was actually gay. Now that I think about it, he might have been trying to get me to make a pass at him, but he basically outlined everything "straight" about me. We were talking about something and I think I finally "convinced" him (I think it was porn related, lol). Anyway, I finally got up the courage to make a pass at him (I was slightly drunk, lol) and he was totally receptive...so that felt good. He was giving me every green light but I was just too nervous.

So, I'm trying to get up the courage to tell my family. I start to tear up every time I think about it because it's like walking into the unknown. And at some point, I want to be completely out (like marriage and a kid and whatnot). Which means that at some point. I've got to stop pretending that I'm straight. My friends joke that I have a secret girlfriend that I'm not telling them about. And my other friend keeps trying to set me up with this friend of hers. But I think this one friend of mine may have had a slight suspicion I was gay after she asked if I had a girlfriend....and then after asking if I had a boyfriend. I acted so offended and insulted which in retrospect is one of the most embarrassing and pathetic moments of my life. Then she profusely apologized. Ugh. But I wasn't ready then! Let her ask me now! lol But honestly, it would be so much easier if everyone suspected that I were gay so I wouldn't have to stress about coming out. I just feel like I'm going to be looked at completely different by everyone even though I'm going to be the same person. I mean, I'm 34, unmarried and not in a relationship or even dating (as far as anyone knows because I haven't told anyone about this guy). So on some level, people should suspect something, right? lol

Anyway, I think I'm just going to write a letter to my parents. I got the idea from this gay YouTuber I watch. I get to emotional every time I try to compose it. I'll eventually get it done (hopefully).

So I guess that by posting this to an online community that I frequent (where some people know me), I'm forcing myself -- on some level -- to get used to people knowing that I'm gay. I'm legit scared and I'm even tearing up a bit while writing this post knowing that I'm getting closer and closer to having to hit "post reply." It's that walk into the unknown again. But, I have to start somewhere I guess. Anyway, thanks to all who read this. If you have any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it (I've basically watched every coming out video on YouTube so I'm trying to soak up as much info as I can).
 

RatskyWatsky

Pesky Therizinosaurus
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
9,086
So I know I'm going to regret posting....but

I'm gay (or bi...but gay seems a lot less complicated, lol). I'm currently 34 and haven't been in a proper relationship in a long ass time. The reason I say I might be bi is because growing up, I legitimately was attracted to girls. And I had a crush on a female friend of mine back in high school and spent a lot of my time scheming ways to be around her. A few years ago, I got jealous when I saw on FB that she was in a relationship. But anyway, as I got older, my attraction to girls faded and my attraction to guys increased.

Fast forward to a few months ago. I had an epiphany, and decided to act on my attraction to guys (sorta pushed to do this after my mom asked if I had a girlfriend for the millionth time). So about a month ago, I went on a date....with a guy. It was the most surreal experience of my entire life. In my head, I just kept repeating, "I'm on a date with a guy. I'm on a date with a guy." I enjoyed the date (or at least did a good job pretending to), but we said our goodbyes and that was that. So that was the first step. Now, I'm seeing this guy who lives in another city. We "met" on a dating app. I say "met" because -- ironically -- we're from the same hometown AND went to the same church as kids. Two gay guys meeting in church. Imagine that! lol

Anyway, I really like him and I think he really likes me. I don't know if he was joking but he said that he didn't think I was actually gay. Now that I think about it, he might have been trying to get me to make a pass at him, but he basically outlined everything "straight" about me. We were talking about something and I think I finally "convinced" him (I think it was porn related, lol). Anyway, I finally got up the courage to make a pass at him (I was slightly drunk, lol) and he was totally receptive...so that felt good. He was giving me every green light but I was just too nervous.

So, I'm trying to get up the courage to tell my family. I start to tear up every time I think about it because it's like walking into the unknown. And at some point, I want to be completely out (like marriage and a kid and whatnot). Which means that at some point. I've got to stop pretending that I'm straight. My friends joke that I have a secret girlfriend that I'm not telling them about. And my other friend keeps trying to set me up with this friend of hers. But I think this one friend of mine may have had a slight suspicion I was gay after she asked if I had a girlfriend....and then after asking if I had a boyfriend. I acted so offended and insulted which in retrospect is one of the most embarrassing and pathetic moments of my life. Then she profusely apologized. Ugh. But I wasn't ready then! Let her ask me now! lol But honestly, it would be so much easier if everyone suspected that I were gay so I wouldn't have to stress about coming out. I just feel like I'm going to be looked at completely different by everyone even though I'm going to be the same person. I mean, I'm 34, unmarried and not in a relationship or even dating (as far as anyone knows because I haven't told anyone about this guy). So on some level, people should suspect something, right? lol

Anyway, I think I'm just going to write a letter to my parents. I got the idea from this gay YouTuber I watch. I get to emotional every time I try to compose it. I'll eventually get it done (hopefully).

So I guess that by posting this to an online community that I frequent (where some people know me), I'm forcing myself -- on some level -- to get used to people knowing that I'm gay. I'm legit scared and I'm even tearing up a bit while writing this post knowing that I'm getting closer and closer to having to hit "post reply." It's that walk into the unknown again. But, I have to start somewhere I guess. Anyway, thanks to all who read this. If you have any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it (I've basically watched every coming out video on YouTube so I'm trying to soak up as much info as I can).
:) Welcome :)
 

bad kitty

Member
Sep 7, 2018
470
Babylon fo' sho
🌈 First of all, hello everyone!🌈


So I know I'm going to regret posting....but

I'm gay (or bi...but gay seems a lot less complicated, lol). I'm currently 34 and haven't been in a proper relationship in a long ass time. The reason I say I might be bi is because growing up, I legitimately was attracted to girls. And I had a crush on a female friend of mine back in high school and spent a lot of my time scheming ways to be around her. A few years ago, I got jealous when I saw on FB that she was in a relationship. But anyway, as I got older, my attraction to girls faded and my attraction to guys increased.

Fast forward to a few months ago. I had an epiphany, and decided to act on my attraction to guys (sorta pushed to do this after my mom asked if I had a girlfriend for the millionth time). So about a month ago, I went on a date....with a guy. It was the most surreal experience of my entire life. In my head, I just kept repeating, "I'm on a date with a guy. I'm on a date with a guy." I enjoyed the date (or at least did a good job pretending to), but we said our goodbyes and that was that. So that was the first step. Now, I'm seeing this guy who lives in another city. We "met" on a dating app. I say "met" because -- ironically -- we're from the same hometown AND went to the same church as kids. Two gay guys meeting in church. Imagine that! lol

Anyway, I really like him and I think he really likes me. I don't know if he was joking but he said that he didn't think I was actually gay. Now that I think about it, he might have been trying to get me to make a pass at him, but he basically outlined everything "straight" about me. We were talking about something and I think I finally "convinced" him (I think it was porn related, lol). Anyway, I finally got up the courage to make a pass at him (I was slightly drunk, lol) and he was totally receptive...so that felt good. He was giving me every green light but I was just too nervous.

So, I'm trying to get up the courage to tell my family. I start to tear up every time I think about it because it's like walking into the unknown. And at some point, I want to be completely out (like marriage and a kid and whatnot). Which means that at some point. I've got to stop pretending that I'm straight. My friends joke that I have a secret girlfriend that I'm not telling them about. And my other friend keeps trying to set me up with this friend of hers. But I think this one friend of mine may have had a slight suspicion I was gay after she asked if I had a girlfriend....and then after asking if I had a boyfriend. I acted so offended and insulted which in retrospect is one of the most embarrassing and pathetic moments of my life. Then she profusely apologized. Ugh. But I wasn't ready then! Let her ask me now! lol But honestly, it would be so much easier if everyone suspected that I were gay so I wouldn't have to stress about coming out. I just feel like I'm going to be looked at completely different by everyone even though I'm going to be the same person. I mean, I'm 34, unmarried and not in a relationship or even dating (as far as anyone knows because I haven't told anyone about this guy). So on some level, people should suspect something, right? lol

Anyway, I think I'm just going to write a letter to my parents. I got the idea from this gay YouTuber I watch. I get to emotional every time I try to compose it. I'll eventually get it done (hopefully).

So I guess that by posting this to an online community that I frequent (where some people know me), I'm forcing myself -- on some level -- to get used to people knowing that I'm gay. I'm legit scared and I'm even tearing up a bit while writing this post knowing that I'm getting closer and closer to having to hit "post reply." It's that walk into the unknown again. But, I have to start somewhere I guess. Anyway, thanks to all who read this. If you have any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it (I've basically watched every coming out video on YouTube so I'm trying to soak up as much info as I can).
Coming out is never easy, especially to one's family. It is an act of bravery (unfortunately - I wish it wasn't.. but things are changing and soon, hopefully, coming out to friends and family is not going to go hand in hand with crippling anxiety).

I wanted to say that writing a letter is a good start. After everything is said and done you will feel liberated, like a huge boulder crushing you has been lifted. If your parents don't take it well, try not to be mad at them on the spot, let them process it for a bit. Unless they are very open minded there's usually an initial negative* reaction - it's critical you don't lash out at them if that happens, although you may feel hurt . After digesting the news though, parents should start to come around.

I want to wish you best of luck! 💌

*it's not a given but it is still fairly common unfortunately
 

Nigthwizard

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
301
Costa Rica
So I know I'm going to regret posting....but

I'm gay (or bi...but gay seems a lot less complicated, lol). I'm currently 34 and haven't been in a proper relationship in a long ass time. The reason I say I might be bi is because growing up, I legitimately was attracted to girls. And I had a crush on a female friend of mine back in high school and spent a lot of my time scheming ways to be around her. A few years ago, I got jealous when I saw on FB that she was in a relationship. But anyway, as I got older, my attraction to girls faded and my attraction to guys increased.

Fast forward to a few months ago. I had an epiphany, and decided to act on my attraction to guys (sorta pushed to do this after my mom asked if I had a girlfriend for the millionth time). So about a month ago, I went on a date....with a guy. It was the most surreal experience of my entire life. In my head, I just kept repeating, "I'm on a date with a guy. I'm on a date with a guy." I enjoyed the date (or at least did a good job pretending to), but we said our goodbyes and that was that. So that was the first step. Now, I'm seeing this guy who lives in another city. We "met" on a dating app. I say "met" because -- ironically -- we're from the same hometown AND went to the same church as kids. Two gay guys meeting in church. Imagine that! lol

Anyway, I really like him and I think he really likes me. I don't know if he was joking but he said that he didn't think I was actually gay. Now that I think about it, he might have been trying to get me to make a pass at him, but he basically outlined everything "straight" about me. We were talking about something and I think I finally "convinced" him (I think it was porn related, lol). Anyway, I finally got up the courage to make a pass at him (I was slightly drunk, lol) and he was totally receptive...so that felt good. He was giving me every green light but I was just too nervous.

So, I'm trying to get up the courage to tell my family. I start to tear up every time I think about it because it's like walking into the unknown. And at some point, I want to be completely out (like marriage and a kid and whatnot). Which means that at some point. I've got to stop pretending that I'm straight. My friends joke that I have a secret girlfriend that I'm not telling them about. And my other friend keeps trying to set me up with this friend of hers. But I think this one friend of mine may have had a slight suspicion I was gay after she asked if I had a girlfriend....and then after asking if I had a boyfriend. I acted so offended and insulted which in retrospect is one of the most embarrassing and pathetic moments of my life. Then she profusely apologized. Ugh. But I wasn't ready then! Let her ask me now! lol But honestly, it would be so much easier if everyone suspected that I were gay so I wouldn't have to stress about coming out. I just feel like I'm going to be looked at completely different by everyone even though I'm going to be the same person. I mean, I'm 34, unmarried and not in a relationship or even dating (as far as anyone knows because I haven't told anyone about this guy). So on some level, people should suspect something, right? lol

Anyway, I think I'm just going to write a letter to my parents. I got the idea from this gay YouTuber I watch. I get to emotional every time I try to compose it. I'll eventually get it done (hopefully).

So I guess that by posting this to an online community that I frequent (where some people know me), I'm forcing myself -- on some level -- to get used to people knowing that I'm gay. I'm legit scared and I'm even tearing up a bit while writing this post knowing that I'm getting closer and closer to having to hit "post reply." It's that walk into the unknown again. But, I have to start somewhere I guess. Anyway, thanks to all who read this. If you have any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it (I've basically watched every coming out video on YouTube so I'm trying to soak up as much info as I can).
I don't have much advise to give you, but you should start "coming out" gradually, first be confortable with being gay/bi yourself, then you can tell it to somone else.
I hope this process won't be painful for you, but it's one of the best things you'll ever do. It's liberating to not pretend anymore.
 

MIMIC

Member
Dec 18, 2017
3,731
🌈 First of all, hello everyone!🌈




Coming out is never easy, especially to one's family. It is an act of bravery (unfortunately - I wish it wasn't.. but things are changing and soon, hopefully, coming out to friends and family is not going to go hand in hand with crippling anxiety).

I wanted to say that writing a letter is a good start. After everything is said and done you will feel liberated, like a huge boulder crushing you has been lifted. If your parents don't take it well, try not to be mad at them on the spot, let them process it for a bit. Unless they are very open minded there's usually an initial negative* reaction - it's critical you don't lash out at them if that happens, although you may feel hurt . After digesting the news though, parents should start to come around.

I want to wish you best of luck! 💌

*it's not a given but it is still fairly common unfortunately
Thanks! I don't think I could do it in person. I could probably have a panic attack and pass out, lol. I'm willing to bet that my mom would be more understanding. Frankly, I NEED my mom to accept it. If she didn't, that would absolutely crush me. My dad....I could see him not being OK with it and maybe coming around. But I've mentally prepared myself for the worst case scenario regarding my dad. Just things here and there that sort of give me pause. My dad does occasionally tell me anecdotes about this gay friend that he has (had?) so.....I dunno. But there still lies the possibility that he thinks it's OK for other people but not for anyone in his family.
 

bad kitty

Member
Sep 7, 2018
470
Babylon fo' sho
Thanks! I don't think I could do it in person. I could probably have a panic attack and pass out, lol. I'm willing to bet that my mom would be more understanding. Frankly, I NEED my mom to accept it. If she didn't, that would absolutely crush me. My dad....I could see him not being OK with it and maybe coming around. But I've mentally prepared myself for the worst case scenario regarding my dad. Just things here and there that sort of give me pause. My dad does occasionally tell me anecdotes about this gay friend that he has (had?) so.....I dunno. But there still lies the possibility that he thinks it's OK for other people but not for anyone in his family.
If you and your mom are close and you feel like she would understand and accept it more readily than your dad, you could confide with her first and ask her also to support you in coming out to your dad. In that case, an honest talk between you two might be preferable to a letter. For either option I'd choose the right moment (only you know when you're ready and it's time) and take a leap of faith.

One last thing, your dad having (or having had) a gay friend might be helpful in this situation. It might be hard for him at first to navigate this and his friend could offer a bit of guidance and reassurance.
 

Dany

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,819
seattle
I live in Seattle and still have plans to go to southern Italy for our Honeymoon in may. But it keeps looking more and more unlikely :(
 

pixelation

Member
Oct 26, 2017
3,334
I'd maybe give the gay sports league a try at least. I know you don't like competitive sports, but there are a lot to choose from that might do it for you. Maybe bowling or something. I tried it, and even though it's a competitive sport, every one was generally pretty laid back about the whole thing and there for the fun instead of just winning. Just something to think about and maybe look into.

Another option is just meetups in general. I went to a gay board game meetup and got to meet people there. Maybe there are movie groups or hiking groups. The theater group already sounds like a great idea.
Man, wish I lived in the states. You guys have so many options... gay sports league?, I'd be so down for that.
 

Sagitario

Member
Oct 26, 2017
762
Best of luck with your parents, MIMIC. I hope everything goes well with them (and with the guy you're seeing). Keep us posted, I do love and enjoy [wholesome] coming out stories.



I live in Seattle and still have plans to go to southern Italy for our Honeymoon in may. But it keeps looking more and more unlikely :(
The first 5 cases of the virus (as of today, there are 7) in my country were people that visited Italy, so yeah... I'd definitely avoid airports/cruise ships/traveling if possible. I miss Seattle and I was planning to go this July but I don't think it's happening.