Leo Member Oct 27, 2017 2,302 Mar 10, 2020 #7,201 MIMIC said: So I know I'm going to regret posting....but I'm gay (or bi...but gay seems a lot less complicated, lol). I'm currently 34 and haven't been in a proper relationship in a long ass time. The reason I say I might be bi is because growing up, I legitimately was attracted to girls. And I had a crush on a female friend of mine back in high school and spent a lot of my time scheming ways to be around her. A few years ago, I got jealous when I saw on FB that she was in a relationship. But anyway, as I got older, my attraction to girls faded and my attraction to guys increased. Fast forward to a few months ago. I had an epiphany, and decided to act on my attraction to guys (sorta pushed to do this after my mom asked if I had a girlfriend for the millionth time). So about a month ago, I went on a date....with a guy. It was the most surreal experience of my entire life. In my head, I just kept repeating, "I'm on a date with a guy. I'm on a date with a guy." I enjoyed the date (or at least did a good job pretending to), but we said our goodbyes and that was that. So that was the first step. Now, I'm seeing this guy who lives in another city. We "met" on a dating app. I say "met" because -- ironically -- we're from the same hometown AND went to the same church as kids. Two gay guys meeting in church. Imagine that! lol Anyway, I really like him and I think he really likes me. I don't know if he was joking but he said that he didn't think I was actually gay. Now that I think about it, he might have been trying to get me to make a pass at him, but he basically outlined everything "straight" about me. We were talking about something and I think I finally "convinced" him (I think it was porn related, lol). Anyway, I finally got up the courage to make a pass at him (I was slightly drunk, lol) and he was totally receptive...so that felt good. He was giving me every green light but I was just too nervous. So, I'm trying to get up the courage to tell my family. I start to tear up every time I think about it because it's like walking into the unknown. And at some point, I want to be completely out (like marriage and a kid and whatnot). Which means that at some point. I've got to stop pretending that I'm straight. My friends joke that I have a secret girlfriend that I'm not telling them about. And my other friend keeps trying to set me up with this friend of hers. But I think this one friend of mine may have had a slight suspicion I was gay after she asked if I had a girlfriend....and then after asking if I had a boyfriend. I acted so offended and insulted which in retrospect is one of the most embarrassing and pathetic moments of my life. Then she profusely apologized. Ugh. But I wasn't ready then! Let her ask me now! lol But honestly, it would be so much easier if everyone suspected that I were gay so I wouldn't have to stress about coming out. I just feel like I'm going to be looked at completely different by everyone even though I'm going to be the same person. I mean, I'm 34, unmarried and not in a relationship or even dating (as far as anyone knows because I haven't told anyone about this guy). So on some level, people should suspect something, right? lol Anyway, I think I'm just going to write a letter to my parents. I got the idea from this gay YouTuber I watch. I get to emotional every time I try to compose it. I'll eventually get it done (hopefully). So I guess that by posting this to an online community that I frequent (where some people know me), I'm forcing myself -- on some level -- to get used to people knowing that I'm gay. I'm legit scared and I'm even tearing up a bit while writing this post knowing that I'm getting closer and closer to having to hit "post reply." It's that walk into the unknown again. But, I have to start somewhere I guess. Anyway, thanks to all who read this. If you have any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it (I've basically watched every coming out video on YouTube so I'm trying to soak up as much info as I can). Click to expand... Click to shrink... I might sound harsh, but, honestly, I think this is a bigger deal in your head then in reality. You're 34, sounds independent, and by what you said, most of your acquaintances have considered the possibility that you might be gay, specially your parents. This all contributes to a smooth coming out, and how you're gonna deal with the difficulties (if any) is really only up to you, cause, again, you're adult and independent. It's a very good position to be in, I think you just need to be firm and calm and go on with it. I came out at 18, and that was 11 years ago, it's a different time now. Kids these days come out at 13, 14. You can do this. Good luck!