Hi all - sorry to bug you with this, but I would really love some new perspectives.
I'm bi, but more romantically oriented towards women. I know biphobia and bi-diminishment are serious problems. However, I'm also a cis white male. I find myself equating my queerness, such as it is, with my race and gender: my problems aren't that bad, and don't deserve much time in the spotlight (if any) because of my massive privilege.
It's a white male's world. I'm keenly aware of that, and work hard to help progressives in my life maintain perspective when they describe problems like feeling crappy because a trans person chewed them out for misgendering them. I'll tell them, yes, I get that it was an accident, no, our language doesn't have the words to call out to a stranger who forgot their coffee without using gendered language, yes, it sucks that you had to deal with an emotional slap in the face; but it's incredibly important for people to call out misgendering when it occurs so that cis folk understand how significant a problem cisnormativity is; it's often incredibly triggering and traumatic when it happens to people for a variety of obvious reasons, and while I empathize with you, your repeated attempts to argue that the trans person was in the wrong because you feel they were disrespectful is pretty much the definition of white whine from a cisgender perspective.
That example is a conversation I had with a friend a couple of days ago. That's how I try to maintain my/our perspective when it comes to discussions not sufficiently mindful of white/male/cis privilege.
I only started identifying as bi a little while ago. Previously, I thought of myself as a kinky straight guy. But I increasingly found myself coming out and defending bisexuality in discussions; typically on dates with women, when conversation partners expressed negative opinions towards bisexual men. Those conversations happened often enough that I became comfortable identifying as a bi man. It feels right, and I don't feel like I'm inappropriately co-opting a minority status, or taking up space in the LGBTQ2IA+ community that ought to go to people for whom one of those letters denotes real struggle.
That being said, any time I read about bisexual issues that don't also apply to gay people, it feels like white whine. If one is bi, but appears straight to the world, one's struggles with self-identity or others not taking one's sexuality seriously just feel like they distract from the real, hard, viscous homophobia that we simply don't experience if we're not, or have never been, in same-sex relationships.
And I know that's bullshit. I know that bi-diminishment is wrong, and that the social and personal struggles of bisexual folk are every bit as valid and worthy of discourse as anyone else in the queer community. I know that, but I don't feel it. Talking about bisexual issues to other queer people feels like talking about white issues to people of colour, or cis issues to trans folk.
I think discourse regarding this topic is valid and important to members of the bi community in the same boat as me; but it's also important that we don't take up too much space (or the wrong space) and that people like me are extremely conscientious about when and where we discuss our issues. But I'm aware that this is textbook bi-diminishment, and I apologize to all the proud Bs reading this who see me contributing to that problem.
So I figured I'd ask if anyone had any thoughts. I don't even feel comfortable submitting this post, to be honest, and I want to be very clear that I'm more than fine reading opinions that confirm my gut feeling.
