Hi everyone ! I've been a long time lurker since the days of gaf and finally decided to join the conversation, more so since I'm having some thoughts and need some advice ( so I'm sorry if I'm barging in with a help request ).
I'm turning 22 this month. I'm a college student originally from Tunisia and I'm currently living in Beirut, Lebanon. I identify as homosexual and being gay in the Arab world is extremely tricky. I've lived in the United States as well and can identify the big umbrella issues for LGBTQ+ individuals but the MENA region is excruciating due to the callous powers that oppress gay people. Everything, even the law itself, prevents you from existing and wrecks your life for doing that. As I grew up, I became more comfortable with myself and who I am and found a balance of being out in a selective manner that would allow me to have a fairly normal life without any " repercussions " on my direct affiliates ( family and co.)
Beirut is actually pretty open in terms of LGBTQ individuals, especially if you're a foreigner. Thus, I'm open and didn't really have any problems with that. However, I'm facing an issue of sorts :
I'm putting myself out there but didn't actually date a person yet and many people are pressuring me about this point while I'm sure of what I want. Because of the nature of gay acceptance in the MENA region, the gay population is more " underground " if that makes sense. That means that it's highly unlikely for me to just meet someone in a coffee shop and discover that they're gay and develop from there. I understand that's not how it happens even abroad but this led the community to be centered around Grindr and Tinder and be overly sexualized at that. I actually met many people from Tinder and had pleasant encounters but never felt like it will go anywhere.
Basically, my problem is somehow with how I perceive sexual relationships and dates in general. I really want to love someone and develop a genuine relationship with them in order to be physical with them. The cliched ice cream talks and movie watching of sorts. Everyone that I met is a hook-up magnet and my friends are convinced that I won't be able to find someone unless I " go for it " the first time and maybe someone will stick. I refuse to do that . ( and some of these friends imo are just embracing tolerance without having substance for it, one of them outed me unnecessarily and didn't understand why I was baffled by it, she was even offended that I scolded her for that lol) .
It becomes tricky when some people also link it to internalized homophobia which I hope isn't the case. I'm out and embracing it. I just have certain preferences for relationships that I want to adhere to, especially with the extra caution levels due to where I am.
I apologize if this is too long x) x) Thanks everyone <3