LGBTQera |ERA1| (We're Queer)

[MasaDrew]

RE: Approaching guys. Generally I just take into consideration that in the worst case scenario of rejection Im no worse than before I attempted. I also keep in mind that theres as much of a chance that I dont want to pursue after trying to converse as he may, which evens out the nervousness.

So with the case of working out I may just find a moment to go up and talk about our shared interest, maybe ask for tips. If conversation is warm I branch out. At that point i've more than likely made an acquaintance or more. Getting over the fear of rejection is hard but doable.


Being single but looking for a relationship in the city is a process....frustrating sometimes. I know its not true but sometimes you just can't shake the feeling that half of the community is in an open relationship and the other half doesn't want to commit to anything. It'll happen when it happens, i'll just keep embracing my inner ho til it does.

 

[beau_beaumont]

Lol I also just learned this back in April, hahah. My bosses daughter (13) asked me what the colors were cause she forgot, and I said there wasn't one. She then googled it and proved me wrong!! Haha

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Yeah. I didn't realize it either until pride month at my work and they had all the different flags up on the wall in the break room.

 

[Manipular]

On the topic of dating apps, I haven't touched Grindr on about 2 years now. Scruff is my go-to. I know all the apps have their issues, but even my worst experiences on the other apps would be just an average day on Grindr lol.

YMMV, obviously.

 

[TRUE ORDER]

So I was able to say "Hi" to the guy who caught my eye at the gym, at laaast!!

I know this could sound silly but I've always had an issue with self-confidence, so it was a huge step to do it, even though I used "are you using those wheights" as an excuse lol

 

[Chest Rockwell]

i used grindr recently and a guy sent me a pic of his ass and 4 hours later followed that up with hey

 

[MasaDrew]

On the topic of dating apps, I haven't touched Grindr on about 2 years now. Scruff is my go-to. I know all the apps have their issues, but even my worst experiences on the other apps would be just an average day on Grindr lol.

YMMV, obviously.

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Scruff is my go to as its usually the most active. Ya'd think I'd get more mileage out of Growlr but like Grindr I seem to get more guys that are not my type or creeps. Tinder, OkCupid, and Hinge get a lot of attention too.

So I was able to say "Hi" to the guy who caught my eye at the gym, at laaast!!

I know this could sound silly but I've always had an issue with self-confidence, so it was a huge step to do it, even though I used "are you using those wheights" as an excuse lol

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Baby steps! You're doing great! Soon you'll get them blushing then its a shoe in.

 

[Nigthwizard]

So I was able to say "Hi" to the guy who caught my eye at the gym, at laaast!!

I know this could sound silly but I've always had an issue with self-confidence, so it was a huge step to do it, even though I used "are you using those wheights" as an excuse lol

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Congrats on talking to him, you did great

On the topic of dating apps, I haven't touched Grindr on about 2 years now. Scruff is my go-to. I know all the apps have their issues, but even my worst experiences on the other apps would be just an average day on Grindr lol.

YMMV, obviously.

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I never used grindr, too many creepy guys, I met my boyfriend on growlr
.

 

[TRUE ORDER]

Thanks to both of you!!
I'm glad that I did it, no matter what my mind thinks is always better to not be pessimistic.

He even handed me over the wheights and asked me if I needed the other pair he was using, don't want to make things out of thin air lol but it was a nice gesture.

 

[Pirate Bae]

Happy for you, True Order! Gym love is the best love, lol.

Hi, been lurking for a bit. I identify as bisexual and am in a long term relationship with my gf. We have four cats :)

Nice to meet you all!

 

[IvorB]

So I was able to say "Hi" to the guy who caught my eye at the gym, at laaast!!

I know this could sound silly but I've always had an issue with self-confidence, so it was a huge step to do it, even though I used "are you using those wheights" as an excuse lol

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Congrats, dude. Honestly breaking the conversation barrier is most of the struggle. Now you can have convo, flirt and explore if there is anything there. Cheesy gym lines are totally okay!

 

[Aarglefarg]

Happy for you, True Order! Gym love is the best love, lol.

Hi, been lurking for a bit. I identify as bisexual and am in a long term relationship with my gf. We have four cats :)

Nice to meet you all!

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Welcome. :)

 

[Arcus Felis]

Happy for you, True Order! Gym love is the best love, lol.

Hi, been lurking for a bit. I identify as bisexual and am in a long term relationship with my gf. We have four cats :)

Nice to meet you all!

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Welcome!

... You can not mention you have four cats and not post a single photo of them D: That's just cruel teasing!

 

[Pirate Bae]

Welcome!

... You can not mention you have four cats and not post a single photo of them D: That's just cruel teasing!

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Here's one :)

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[TRUE ORDER]

Happy for you, True Order! Gym love is the best love, lol.

Hi, been lurking for a bit. I identify as bisexual and am in a long term relationship with my gf. We have four cats :)

Nice to meet you all!
Thanks!! I don't even know if he's bi or gay but I'll try to find out lol

Welcome!![

/QUOTE]

Congrats, dude. Honestly breaking the conversation barrier is most of the struggle. Now you can have convo, flirt and explore if there is anything there. Cheesy gym lines are totally okay!

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Thanks!!
I'll have to try and see how it goes, I saw him today but didn't have the chance/guts to say Hi.

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[Kismet]

So I was able to say "Hi" to the guy who caught my eye at the gym, at laaast!!

I know this could sound silly but I've always had an issue with self-confidence, so it was a huge step to do it, even though I used "are you using those wheights" as an excuse lol

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Awesome!!!

I think I've talked to all the handsome guys at my gym. With some I've become gymbuddies. There's one that always wears headphones, though. So it's hard to communicate.

But the day will come.

 

[TRUE ORDER]

Awesome!!!

I think I've talked to all the handsome guys at my gym. With some I've become gymbuddies. There's one that always wears headphones, though. So it's hard to communicate.

But the day will come.

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Thanks!!
The thing is I don't want to seem like a creepy guy or make a move and do it wrong or be somewhat awkward...

Also, it's difficult to know if he would be interested to have a little chat or meeting people like me lol

 

[Kismet]

Just don't force anything. If you see there's no interest, move on and don't pay any attention anymore because you will only disappoint yourself.
I'm a very reserved person, but not shy. But it took a while to get there. I was very shy in my 20's. I just got more confident, but not arrogant. I do get quite a lot of attention, but I just don't care for it most of the time, or don't really pay attention to it. Many guys are like this as well.

Being single has boosted my confidence even further. When I was in a relationship I didn't really pay any attention when someone was flirting. But now, yes. I've dated some very nice and hot guys so far. And I'll keep on doing it. Currently not in the need for a relationship. But let's see which one sticks...

Talking about dating.... One of the guys had one of the biggest dicks I've ever seen. Good thing he was a versa because I'm not sitting on that. I don't like too big.

 

[Canucked]

Here's one :)

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CUUUUTE

 

[Arcus Felis]

Here's one :)

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Aaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww ❤❤❤

 

[Prophet Five]

oh god I kinda forgot about this thread. Hey y'all.

 

[TRUE ORDER]

Pirate Bae's cat looks really cute!!

Just don't force anything. If you see there's no interest, move on and don't pay any attention anymore because you will only disappoint yourself.
I'm a very reserved person, but not shy. But it took a while to get there. I was very shy in my 20's. I just got more confident, but not arrogant. I do get quite a lot of attention, but I just don't care for it most of the time, or don't really pay attention to it. Many guys are like this as well.

Being single has boosted my confidence even further. When I was in a relationship I didn't really pay any attention when someone was flirting. But now, yes. I've dated some very nice and hot guys so far. And I'll keep on doing it. Currently not in the need for a relationship. But let's see which one sticks...

Talking about dating.... One of the guys had one of the biggest dicks I've ever seen. Good thing he was a versa because I'm not sitting on that. I don't like too big.

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Sometimes I think that it would be easier if I just go to him and say that I'm interested in get to know him but that's too difficult lol

I've never been on a relationship so don't know what to say hahahah.

 

[Prophet Five]

so in a weirdly positive Grindr experience: there's this guy on there I've been talking to who's a bit younger than I am (he's 27 and I'm 34) and we've kinda clicked. He was in town visiting his family and lives like 8 hours away but it's been weeks and we're still talking.

He's not my usual "type" being a pretty skinny, jock-ish body but he's nerdy and his personality matches what I like. He swears he finds me attractive for whatever reason so it seems like we're definitely gonna meet up the next time he's in town next month or whatever and hang out.

If I don't chicken out. At this point I don't think I actually will but I also keep asking myself if this is some elaborate long con because I've never actually interacted with a Grindr person in this capacity for this long. Regardless, he's at the very least really nice to look at.

Geez, Chris, get it together.

 

[Ambient80]

Charlotte Pride was great! There was a huge crowd. Everyone seemed to be having a great time, and it was really sunny out (and humid, but it's N.C. in August soooo...)

Was a great first experience at a Pride festival. Now I wanna start going to more!

 

[MasaDrew]

Pirate Bae's cat looks really cute!!


Sometimes I think that it would be easier if I just go to him and say that I'm interested in get to know him but that's too difficult lol

I've never been on a relationship so don't know what to say hahahah.

Click to shrink...

The worst case scenario is you haven't lost anything if he isn't interested. If anything you're building confidence by asking. Don't look at rejection as a way to define yourself, but rather a building block that leads to success. You'll find it easier to talk with guys, giving and receiving compliments and asking them out.

One guy may not be into you but there is ALWAYS another that wants to eat your butt like a cupcake.

so in a weirdly positive Grindr experience: there's this guy on there I've been talking to who's a bit younger than I am (he's 27 and I'm 34) and we've kinda clicked. He was in town visiting his family and lives like 8 hours away but it's been weeks and we're still talking.

He's not my usual "type" being a pretty skinny, jock-ish body but he's nerdy and his personality matches what I like. He swears he finds me attractive for whatever reason so it seems like we're definitely gonna meet up the next time he's in town next month or whatever and hang out.

If I don't chicken out. At this point I don't think I actually will but I also keep asking myself if this is some elaborate long con because I've never actually interacted with a Grindr person in this capacity for this long. Regardless, he's at the very least really nice to look at.

Geez, Chris, get it together.

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Think of it as getting to know someone but have expectations set. Keep having conversations and just enjoy yourself.


As an aside, what helps me with talking to new people or being in crowds is holding to the idea that chances are I may not see most of those people again. It takes a lot of pressure off and allows me to be my usual dorky charmy self. I used to have an issue of caring way too much of what others think of me. It takes time to just...not give a fuck about that. A lot of practice.

I've been single for over a year. Lots of dates and some courting plus a quilt made of everyones red flags and I feel a lot more confident about myself. First dates rarely lead to second and sometimes I feel like a ghost hunter but you have to take it in stride I suppose.

 

[TRUE ORDER]

The worst case scenario is you haven't lost anything if he isn't interested. If anything you're building confidence by asking. Don't look at rejection as a way to define yourself, but rather a building block that leads to success. You'll find it easier to talk with guys, giving and receiving compliments and asking them out.

One guy may not be into you but there is ALWAYS another that wants to eat your butt like a cupcake.

As an aside, what helps me with talking to new people or being in crowds is holding to the idea that chances are I may not see most of those people again. It takes a lot of pressure off and allows me to be my usual dorky charmy self. I used to have an issue of caring way too much of what others think of me. It takes time to just...not give a fuck about that. A lot of practice.

Click to shrink...

Thanks for your words!! I tried to say Hi to him yesterday but we didn't make eye contact so I got insecure and didn't try to do it again even though I was beside him at some point...

Since middle school I've had confidence issues "thanks" to some of my classmates who bullied me... sigh. I really hope it's not to late to advance and don't think negatively.

 

[Blaaaarrggghhh]

Silicon Valley Pride is this weekend. I will definitely be there!

SVPride.com

 

[RatskyWatsky]

Guy on Grindr: Hi

Me: Hey there, how was your day? I just ate Pad Thai and I'm just catching up on season one of The Good Place

Guy on Grindr: *never responds*

bruh you initiated the conversation...

 

[Prophet Five]

Guy on Grindr: Hi

Me: Hey there, how was your day? I just ate Pad Thai and I'm just catching up on season one of The Good Place

Guy on Grindr: *never responds*

bruh you initiated the conversation...

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God this is so obnoxious. I guess they're just casting a net and focusing on whoever responds first.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

God this is so obnoxious. I guess they're just casting a net and focusing on whoever responds first.

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They could at least follow up with a "sorry I met someone else" or something :C

 

[BlueBadger]

They could at least follow up with a "sorry I met someone else" or something :C

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Grindr can be so toxic :/

 

[RatskyWatsky]

Grindr can be so toxic :/

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Right? How hard is it to treat others, even, *gasp*, ones you just want to have sex with, with a basic amount of respect?

 

[Prophet Five]

Right? How hard is it to treat others, even, *gasp*, ones you just want to have sex with, with a basic amount of respect?

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Yeah. It's a cess pit. I opened it today for the first time in like a week and was like ehhh I don't miss this.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

Yeah. It's a cess pit. I opened it today for the first time in like a week and was like ehhh I don't miss this.

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Whatever happened to Kindr? Was that a real thing?

 

[Prophet Five]

Whatever happened to Kindr? Was that a real thing?

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We're those the weird ads you get in your inbox or something from Grindr with tips on how to be nice to each other? I vaguely remember something like that.

But also how sad that you'd have to do that to begin with.

 

[IvorB]

Man, there are so many cute guys where I work right now. Never been anywhere like it. And they all love to flirt too. Blessing and curse really but I'm trying to just enjoy it ha ha. One of them I could look at all day...

Right? How hard is it to treat others, even, *gasp*, ones you just want to have sex with, with a basic amount of respect?

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This is what is what drives me nuts!! When did we get to treating people the way things are on Grindr. It's just so fucking rude.

 

[Kismet]

Guy on Grindr: Hi

Me: Hey there, how was your day? I just ate Pad Thai and I'm just catching up on season one of The Good Place

Guy on Grindr: *never responds*

bruh you initiated the conversation...

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Well, It's grindr. People are there for the "boom boom", not for the "bla bla" :P
I understand someone is not in a chatty mood when they're horny.

Still rude, though.

I prefer Planetromeo. Met some really cool dudes I just chat with. Especially ones who are very far away.

 

[BlueBadger]

Right? How hard is it to treat others, even, *gasp*, ones you just want to have sex with, with a basic amount of respect?

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Whether the intention is to hook up with someone or not, I think people still need to be treated like human beings. I dunno what it is about apps like Grindr that makes people forget that.

 

[Kismet]

I think with Grindr is that it's a bunch of horny strangers together. I personally never used Grindr for long conversations. When someone wasn't my type, I stopped responding after my "I'm doing well too, thanks" response.

I don't want to waste my time there. Especially not with a stranger I'm not interested in. And no one is entitled to get a response.

There are people who kept on greeting me and asking me what I was doing. You think I will respond after I showed no interest before?

 

[Tanooki]

Sorry if this is inappropriate, but I literally don't know where else to ask: do poppers show up on medical exams?

 

[Sai]

If they're testing for it, and you took a couple hits the night before, it might, but I think it's unlikely that they're even looking for that, so it doesn't really matter.

 

[JCX]

Went to Fire Island for the first time a couple weeks ago. I used to be very anti-Fire Island because it does elevate some of the worst parts of the gay community. I went with friends and it truly was great being able to feel so effortlessly gay even compared to how comfortable I feel living open in Brooklyn, it was another level on Fire Island.

I was also worried about getting down on my own body given some of the ridiculously ripped/muscular guys there, but being surrounded by friends and it being such an effortlessly gay place prevented me from going into that body shame spiral.

If you can, I recommend trying to go to some big gay meetup, because it is on another level even from pride events. I'm already planning on Provincetown bear week because this was so fun.

Edit: took a pic in front of the wall everyone takes a pic in front of at Low Tea. It's really not that impressive iRL but when in Rome, right?

 

[Kismet]

Your body looks fine. You look hot

 

[BlueBadger]

I think with Grindr is that it's a bunch of horny strangers together. I personally never used Grindr for long conversations. When someone wasn't my type, I stopped responding after my "I'm doing well too, thanks" response.

I don't want to waste my time there. Especially not with a stranger I'm not interested in. And no one is entitled to get a response.

There are people who kept on greeting me and asking me what I was doing. You think I will respond after I showed no interest before?

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This situation is clearly different than what RatskyWatsky described though, because the person literally reached out and messaged first, and then didn't say anything lol. I get what you're saying, don't get me wrong. I get that Grindr is inherently just like that, but people don't have to think it's okay for the app to be that way and for people to behave the way they do in those interactions.

 

[Prophet Five]

I don't know if anyone else here adores Claire/Bon Appetit like I do but I stan a legend.

 

[DyByHands]

I don't know if anyone else here adores Claire/Bon Appetit like I do but I stan a legend.

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Yes!! Love Claire. The whole crew really.

But Ill take me some Andy anyday.

 

[Phil32]

I'm having trouble finding a means to make friends within the community. I don't know if being bi has anything to do with it, but it gets me down sometimes. It's like trying to fit in and failing at doing so.

 

[Kismet]

I've been dating this guy from Jordan for two weeks now. He's sooooo nice. A bit tooo nice. I usually like the types who sometimes say "No", or are a bit more stubborn. He's also a pretty boy. I usually fall for the more handsome and rougher type.

But he just goes with the flow. So I'm trying to do the same.

One week after we dated he confessed that he's very wealthy. I mean, he arrived with a new Tesla at my place. So I knew he had money. But I don't care for that because I'm financially well off myself and I'm independent.
He lives a bit further away and he's been sending me these expensive gifts. I don't know what to do with them. I'm not for sale, but it feels nice. He's also very artistic. He's currently doing a digital portret of mine.

It's all too nice. And I'm doing my best. But I'm not sure I'm ready to commit yet. I would like to keep him as a friend, to be honest. I'm seeing him again this saturday. I think I'm going to tell him that.

This situation is clearly different than what RatskyWatsky described though, because the person literally reached out and messaged first, and then didn't say anything lol. I get what you're saying, don't get me wrong. I get that Grindr is inherently just like that, but people don't have to think it's okay for the app to be that way and for people to behave the way they do in those interactions.

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Yeah, I understand. It's a different situation. But yeah, it's still Grindr. That's why I rarely use the app...

 

[Masquerader]

Ha, all that talk above of Grindr... AKA "Hey": The App. Had a mighty unpleasant experience with it a few days ago that genuinely put me off it for life. Fortunately, I'm also now dating a guy who legit seems interested in me, which hasn't happened in 2 years or so, which makes me unusually happy by my standards. So yay!

I'm having trouble finding a means to make friends within the community. I don't know if being bi has anything to do with it, but it gets me down sometimes. It's like trying to fit in and failing at doing so.

Click to shrink...

I've always wondered that as well, being Bi myself. It took a while but I EVENTUALLY found more legit good company online than I did in bars and stuff.

 

[Prophet Five]

Ha, all that talk above of Grindr... AKA "Hey": The App. Had a mighty unpleasant experience with it a few days ago that genuinely put me off it for life. Fortunately, I'm also now dating a guy who legit seems interested in me, which hasn't happened in 2 years or so, which makes me unusually happy by my standards. So yay!

Click to shrink...

Are we saying it as "Hey, the story of how no one says more than just one word as an opener" or as "Hey, the story of how a response gets no response" in this context?

Because starting a conversation with a simple "Hey/Hi/Hello" should be acceptable. Especially if the guys who tap you don't even bother to respond to their hint that they even wanted to initiate something. Why even waste any more effort than that when over half of them don't respond?

Once I get a "hey/hi/hello/etc" back then I'll put in some effort to talk to them. And of course after that I'll get a pic of their asshole or a "nudes?" and I slam that block button the way they wish I'd slam them.

 

[Masquerader]

Are we saying it as "Hey, the story of how no one says more than just one word as an opener" or as "Hey, the story of how a response gets no response" in this context?

Because starting a conversation with a simple "Hey/Hi/Hello" should be acceptable. Especially if the guys who tap you don't even bother to respond to their hint that they even wanted to initiate something. Why even waste any more effort than that when over half of them don't respond?

Once I get a "hey/hi/hello/etc" back then I'll put in some effort to talk to them. And of course after that I'll get a pic of their asshole or a "nudes?" and I slam that block button the way they wish I'd slam them.

Click to shrink...

A little from Column A, a little from Column B~ So many people saying Hey and following up with nothing, saying Hey with a blank profile and providing no info and presumably actually expecting a response to grace their lazy asses, people saying Hey followed by inappropriate pictures or info (which still happens with surprising frequency even when I explicitly state I'm only looking for something casual), the people who say Hey in response to me asking and then subsequently providing nothing...

Annnnnddd disregarding all of the above, half of the guys who DO avoid all above pitfalls turn out to be sociopaths. In a just world, I'd respond to all the Heys with nothing else, but usually it foretells a waste of time from my perspective based on my experiences.

Tinder has issues too, but I've had infinitely better experiences with it, especially compared to Grindr. More people on Tinder seem to actually comprehend the basics of human interaction on a basic fundamental level, and know how to not come across as some neurotic foolish idiot.

... Yes, I'm a little bitter~