[T]he 66-year-old star of
Taken is about to recount a disturbing incident from his past, a confession that he's never made before. It will involve how he learnt about the
rape of someone close to him many years ago, how he roamed the streets for a week afterwards carrying with him a cosh and brutal, racist thoughts, and how this taught him that violence and revenge do not work.
It begins as an explanation of how his latest character turns to anger. "There's something primal – God forbid you've ever had a member of your family hurt under criminal conditions," he begins, hesitantly but thoughtfully. "I'll tell you a story. This is true."
It was some time ago. Neeson had just come back from overseas to find out about the rape. "She handled the situation of the rape in the most extraordinary way," Neeson says. "But my immediate reaction was…" There's a pause. "I asked, did she know who it was? No. What colour were they? She said it was a black person.
"I went up and down areas with a cosh, hoping I'd be approached by somebody – I'm ashamed to say that – and I did it for maybe a week, hoping some [Neeson gestures air quotes with his fingers] 'black bastard' would come out of a pub and have a go at me about something, you know? So that I could," another pause, "kill him."
Neeson clearly knows what he's saying, and how shocking it is, how appalling. "It took me a week, maybe a week and a half, to go through that. She would say, 'Where are you going?' and I would say, 'I'm just going out for a walk.' You know? 'What's wrong?' 'No no, nothing's wrong.'"
He deliberately withholds details to protect the identity of the victim. "It was horrible, horrible, when I think back, that I did that," he says. "And I've never admitted that, and I'm saying it to a journalist. God forbid."
"Holy shit," says Tom Bateman, his co-star, who is sitting beside him.
"It's awful," Neeson continues, a tremble in his breath. "But I did learn a lesson from it, when I eventually thought, 'What the fuck are you doing,' you know?"
All three of us know – Neeson, Bateman and I – that this is a distressing admission. "I come from a society – I grew up in Northern Ireland in the Troubles – and, you know, I knew a couple of guys that died on hunger strike, and I had acquaintances who were very caught up in the Troubles, and I understand that need for revenge, but it just leads to more revenge, to more killing and more killing, and Northern Ireland's proof of that. All this stuff that's happening in the world, the violence, is proof of that, you know. But that primal need, I understand."
