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Loneliness - Kurzgesagt

-PXG-

-PXG-

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,186
NJ
I probably shared this video with 40+ people and only 3 responded

:/

It's the story of my life. It's both hilarious and mind numbingly depressing how 1) long this has being going on 2) applies to the topic discussed in the video 3) I continue to do all the "right" things yet nothing happens.

It's like, what the fuck is even the point and what the fuck do I do? I put on a smile because, "that's what you have to do in order to appear to be a well adjusted adult" but I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm angry, bitter and just sick and tired inside.

My attitude is stuck between "fuck everything" but "oh wait, I can't because I have to live, got bills to pay and don't wanna disappoint my parents". That's all that motivates me. Everything can't be "one day" and "maybe". I need results and things to actually happen for a change.
 
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Kyougar

Kyougar

Cute Animal Whisperer
Member
Nov 3, 2017
9,359
I always had social anxiety and never craved social interactions. I was happier alone and got unhappy in social interactions or even just being the point of attention.
I don't feel lonely but in recent years I feel more and more anxiety and fear of the implications of being alone. My biggest fear, being helpless in my apartment and no-one to find me.

I have a buddy for 15 years now and we talk daily over the internet. Other semi-friends were only from my workplace and I found several excuses to not go on social gatherings with them.
 
travisbickle

travisbickle

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,953
Watching this, I do wonder if the hostility online is due to loneliness. I try to be exceptionally positive and non-threatening in my posts but some people are really angry.
 
ODD

ODD

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,225
I am lone AF, but I don't relate with many of these problems. But refusing invitings from others is my motto, haha ha... hah. I'm such a POS... =/
 
Addi

Addi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,244
I had alread heard the stat about loneliness being as dangerous as smoking a pack a day, but how does that work exactly?
Is it purely psychosomatic where the feeling of loneliness fucks up the hormone system (higher cortisol production, lower testosterone etc.) or
is it also that loneliness/depression is likely to give you an unhealthy lifestyle (less excesise, more junk food etc.)?
 
Tezz

Tezz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,269
Addi said:
I had already heard the stat about loneliness being as dangerous as smoking a pack a day, but how does that work exactly?
Is it purely psychosomatic where the feeling of loneliness fucks up the hormone system (higher cortisol production, lower testosterone etc.) or
is it also that loneliness/depression is likely to give you an unhealthy lifestyle (less exercise, more junk food etc.)?
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This is the study Kurzgesagt cites. I don't have access though.
 
danmaku

danmaku

Member
Nov 5, 2017
3,233
It's weird, this video popped up in my recommended queue on youtube, even if I never watched anything psychology-related, and now I see this thread. Is google trying to tell me something? Can't watch it right now, but I will.
 
mbpm

mbpm

Member
Oct 25, 2017
23,618
Half the time I dislike being with other peple, half the time I need them. Can't live with them or without *shrug*
 
Tezz

Tezz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,269
danmaku said:
It's weird, this video popped up in my recommended queue on youtube, even if I never watched anything psychology-related, and now I see this thread. Is google trying to tell me something? Can't watch it right now, but I will.
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Well, it also happens to be number 1 on trending. But you should watch it.

EDIT: Or number 11, but what's the difference? The point is it's up there!
 
Auberji

Auberji

Member
Oct 25, 2017
685
Yeah, I get it. I watched this the other night and I think the part that really stuck with me was the withdrawal from social activity part - I hadn't really thought about it, so when I was feeling super low mood all that sorta stuff started to make more sense. I definitely avoid even my friends when I feel worse.
 
BennyWhatever

BennyWhatever

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,798
US
Kurzgesagt is the greatest channel on YouTube. I learned so much from them.

My wife and I moved away from our hometown around this time last year and it's been an uphill battle to consciously find ways to prevent loneliness. I started taking singing lessons so that I'd have something to work towards and do on Thursdays. We both joined a running group. She joined a hiking group. It's a really big effort to combat it and you can't ever slip or else you get in the spiral.
 
Mendrox

Mendrox

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
9,439
stilfigur said:
My week has been stressful as shit, and it's mostly because I have (or rather feel like I have) no one to talk to about problems, so I let them bounce around in my head, inevitably leading to catastrophizing and helplessness. Doesn't matter how much I know about how my mind works and what strategies to use—once it's in the zone it's hard to get a foot in rationality-wise. I've always been lonely, but this week in particular has been particularly efficient in reminding me. (No, not because of Valentine's Day.) This video nicely sums it all up.
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Hey! You and me, but I am different in that I just don't talk about me. I don't know why. I listen to others problems all the time though and a friend of mine even told me a few days ago that I never talk to her about my problems and stuff.
 
MysteryQuesadilla

MysteryQuesadilla

Member
Nov 1, 2017
1,020
Thanks for posting, OP. This describes pretty much how I've felt now for years. I actually did attend a table top game session on Sunday and felt a little better.
 
thesoapster

thesoapster

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,909
MD, USA
-PXG- said:
I probably shared this video with 40+ people and only 3 responded

:/

It's the story of my life. It's both hilarious and mind numbingly depressing how 1) long this has being going on 2) applies to the topic discussed in the video 3) I continue to do all the "right" things yet nothing happens.

It's like, what the fuck is even the point and what the fuck do I do? I put on a smile because, "that's what you have to do in order to appear to be a well adjusted adult" but I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm angry, bitter and just sick and tired inside.

My attitude is stuck between "fuck everything" but "oh wait, I can't because I have to live, got bills to pay and don't wanna disappoint my parents". That's all that motivates me. Everything can't be "one day" and "maybe". I need results and things to actually happen for a change.
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This is difficult. At my lower points I definitely can empathize. I don't have the parental factor, though.
I do happy hour once a month (I actually organize) with my work group, and then I see my best friend once every couple of weeks on average. There's nothing else outside of that, so in-between these 2-4 social gatherings in a month are periods of loneliness.
I've tried a variety of Meetup groups with more or less the same result - unrelatable people, often significantly older than me. I live in a small-ish town and know a lot of people. Everything else seems to have their own thing going on. To be honest, it feels like many people are spending time with their significant others. So it seems like an "out" might be to get into a relationship. But at the same time that really seems like the wrong reason to seek out a relationship (even though I want one). That's also been a complete dead end.
 
Rhomega

Rhomega

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,640
Arizona
I can't say I feel lonely, but I do relate to what it was saying about intentions. I hate getting phone calls, texts, and knocks on the door because I'm afraid that someone's coming to be mad at me about something. It just makes me want to be more alone.
 

Deleted member 41520

Banned
Mar 29, 2018
7,078
Plum said:
Outside of my one 'friend' (who is really more the guy I sit next to during class) and my family I haven't spoken informally to anyone in weeks. If it weren't for the daily calls with my Mum I could potentially go days without saying a single word to anyone in any capacity. I know that only I can get myself out of this hole but any time I try the defensiveness and the laziness kicks in and I'm back at square one. It doesn't help that my self-image is so low that I can't even take a photo of myself for Grindr lol

Having practically my entire childhood life be filled with rejection and loneliness means I've kind of gotten used to it. There's only so many times you can see 'friends' plan something behind your back (or in front of you), not reach out or simply not talk to you anymore before you just get numb to it. Though sometimes the loneliness can really 'spike' and it just leaves me feeling absolutely horrible; I see a friend group doing something fun on Facebook or a couple in a loving relationship and I just wonder what the hell's wrong with me that I can't experience that myself. It's even worse knowing that it's a legitimate health hazard.

What the video doesn't really touch upon is the societal implications of loneliness which does make sense considering the channel takes a more scientific stance on what it covers. One implication is that I honestly think a lot of the 'alt-right's' power (amongst other groups such as Incels, MGTOWs, etc) comes from how it offers a place for lonely young white men to feel 'part' of a group. I've been on that side of the fence before (though never to an extreme, and I got out of it before I ever had the chance to vote on anything) and it's very, very easy to fall in with those sorts of groups because, unlike the left, acceptance comes by default instead of through a long list of actions/circumstances one must hold.
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Even if you're used to it, remember what the video says - it's super bad for your health. Just as bad as being obese or smoking heavily. Take care of yourself!

Your last paragraph is really interesting. This video was not focused on groups/bodies that bring people into the fold/the social impact, so it's not surprising they didn't bring it up. However I love what you say about acceptance being a default with groups like that. It's sort of like a cult approach. You're pulled into the fold at high-momentum with it taken that you're completely on board with everything. Unlikes the socialism and left-leaning politic which is a tightrope of doing the right thing.

Oaklight said:
This is a great video. It's interesting that loneliness is a biological mechanism to make you crave social interaction and to seek out relationships in order to increase survival chance. I know this is true because that raw biological impulse strikes me randomly from time to time for seemingly no reason at all. It is really annoying to be honest.

Consciously, I don't care that I spend most of my time alone, but my body says otherwise. The best solution is to somehow retrain the body to stop feeling sad when you have little social contact. That impulse to be social was useful during our hunger gatherer days, but is mostly just a hindrance now, at least when it comes to the personal life.
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I don't think we can "retrain" that until we understand the mechanisms of the human brain and our genes better. We are programmed to be like that - if you're not like that then it's absolutely a deficit in terms of neuronormacy.

What you're suggesting is that we alter our genome or intervene in how our brains work/develop to "correct" this. It's not something we can "retrain" at all. It's not behavioural, it's biological/evolutionary
 
-PXG-

-PXG-

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,186
NJ
thesoapster said:
This is difficult. At my lower points I definitely can empathize. I don't have the parental factor, though.
I do happy hour once a month (I actually organize) with my work group, and then I see my best friend once every couple of weeks on average. There's nothing else outside of that, so in-between these 2-4 social gatherings in a month are periods of loneliness.
I've tried a variety of Meetup groups with more or less the same result - unrelatable people, often significantly older than me. I live in a small-ish town and know a lot of people. Everything else seems to have their own thing going on. To be honest, it feels like many people are spending time with their significant others. So it seems like an "out" might be to get into a relationship. But at the same time that really seems like the wrong reason to seek out a relationship (even though I want one). That's also been a complete dead end.
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I shared this video with my father. He really liked it. We both share one piece of criticism is that their solution is pretty self actuated. So basically, you just have to motivate yourself and keep plugging, which is, unfortunately, exhausting especially when you consistently don't see meaningful results.

Another thing I wish they touched on are the flaws and adverse effects of collectivism. They talk about how Western minded individualism is one cause of of loneliness. However, one could definitely argue that Eastern philosophy has its own issues. Just look at Japanese hikikomori.
 
Spinluck

Spinluck

â–˛ Legend â–˛
Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
28,480
Chicago
Fantastic video.

Moving to Chicago soon and the anxiety of only having a single family friend up there has been killing me.
 
Tezz

Tezz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,269
-PXG- said:
We both share one piece of criticism is that their solution is pretty self actuated. So basically, you just have to motivate yourself and keep plugging, which is, unfortunately, exhausting especially when you consistently don't see meaningful results.
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Yeah, this stuck out to me as well. The solutions were "fix it yourself" and if it gets really bad, "seek out a service that isn't cheap".
 
-PXG-

-PXG-

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,186
NJ
Tezz said:
Yeah, this stuck out to me as well. The solutions were "fix it yourself" and if it gets really bad, "seek out a service that isn't cheap".
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To be fair, the underlying message is that compassion and a collective effort to provide affordable and free healthcare, will ultimately help us all and allow us to move forward as a whole.
 
Taco_Human

Taco_Human

Member
Jan 6, 2018
4,237
MA
Story of my life goddamn. I have to give myself credit because I'm a really doing stuff the video says to improve. I never looked it up for that specifically so it's good to know at least.
 
Sadire

Sadire

â–˛ Legend â–˛
Member
Oct 31, 2017
1,346
I feel like I needed this in some way or another.

But the avoiding social situations thing.. I avoid people when I'm irritable precisely because I know that I'm not fun when I'm like that.
Thinking about it, I'll probably review that behaviour when I have the chance.
 
danmaku

danmaku

Member
Nov 5, 2017
3,233
Tezz said:
Yeah, this stuck out to me as well. The solutions were "fix it yourself" and if it gets really bad, "seek out a service that isn't cheap".
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You can't expect to get help from a 15 minute YT video, this is more about raising awareness about the problem and pointing out some literature on the subject.

Anyway, pretty good video. The part about pushing people away is very relatable, even though in my case I don't feel it comes from anxiety but lack of interest. It's as if I already decided that most people have nothing to tell me and I have nothing to tell them, so what's the point? I know it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it's so hard to break it.
 
Tezz

Tezz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,269
danmaku said:
You can't expect to get help from a 15 minute YT video, this is more about raising awareness about the problem and pointing out some literature on the subject.
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Actually, I rewatched the video and it does mention potentially considering loneliness a public health crisis. That's what I was looking for. So I take it back.

Neo C. said:
I can be wrong, but I think the core team of Kurzgesagt is in Europe.
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Yes, I'm pretty sure you're correct. Is therapy covered in countries with free healthcare?
 
TheBeardedOne

TheBeardedOne

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
22,189
Derry
Somebody was talking about this at class today, and blared it in the caf, but I didn't watch it. Will have to soon.

I hate being lonely. They say it's one of the bigger killers out there and I believe it. It's awful.
 
diakyu

diakyu

Member
Dec 15, 2018
17,539
This is a wonderful channel and I've seen a crap ton of the videos. This video really hit it out of the park, some of it was eerily on the nose about some of the things I know I do.
 
Imperial Bishop

Imperial Bishop

Member
Oct 26, 2017
35,589
I really needed to see this video even though it hurts to come to terms with my own loneliness. I've been this way for years and it has eaten away at my productivity and social connections.
 
Wackamole

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,935
Good animation. I mean, great style and well done, As well as the content.
I guess i do feel lonely quite often.
 
Nekyrrev

Nekyrrev

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,123
Top quality content, as always with this channel. I must say I don't feel lonely in my life, I have great people around me. And still, this video made me very emotional.
It made me want to care more about the ones that might feel lonely.

I plan on supporting them on patreon soon, they are a blessing.
 
Scarecrow

Scarecrow

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
3,519
I can't imagine internet addiction is helping. It's like the fast food of social interaction. Fluff that doesn't give the body what it really needs.
 
Taki

Taki

Attempt to circumvent a ban with an alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
5,308
I feel very lonely at home but never lonely when I'm traveling solo, oddly enough.
 
Neo C.

Neo C.

Member
Nov 9, 2017
3,004
Metal B said:
It's a German production. That's why there is also a German video of all videos.
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Not all, but thanks to the cooperation with TV producers they now can push their German side more than ever. :)
Also the guys for the soundtrack (Epic Mountain Music) are also from Germany, right?
 
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