The people directly affected by these attitudes can't go on living their lives being told they need to be patient for some bigot to learn some basic fucking empathy. They didn't sign up to be someone else's guide to basic emotional growth.Maybe some clarification of my specific situation will help you understand where I'm coming from better.
I was raised in Dayton in conservative Christian private schools by a conservative Christian family with "traditional family values," and I believed in them.
I am ashamed of the actions I took during that time in my life. Non-white people made me nervous when I was a kid, even into high school. I was heavy into guns and gun culture, and wanted to go shooting with my Dad every weekend. I was stuck in that echo chamber, eating up every word. My mother had been cowed to the point that she was afraid to speak up. I thought gun control was a government conspiracy, designed to funnel us all into a box and make us into slaves.
Then I went to college.
I was called out all the time, and I had friends that were becoming more liberal calling me out on my bullshit. At first I was angry, but over time I started to see the real truth of the matter. I started to understand that yes, there is a gun problem in America. Racism does exist, and oh my god I am a racist. Immigrants are NOT the cause of our problems after all. The evidence to me was overwhelming.
I was a bad person, and I was complicit.
It took me literal years to change my behaviors, and my thought patterns. If I had just been cut off, I'd still be in that alt-right hellscape, yelling into the echo chamber about how fragile my whiteness is. When I sit down with my Dad and talk to him about this stuff, I'm trying to get him out of the echo chamber. I do not go to family events, because I've become somewhat of a "black sheep" for having "communist brainwashing" driven into my head by a "socialist college."
I helped my Mom realize that she needed to divorce my Dad finally, too. Quite a bit of that is because of how nasty he had gotten over Trump and his politics. She's thriving without him, and she gets most of my support. I see my Dad maybe once a month, and there's always an argument and a debate, but I can see it slowly wearing him down. He sent me a text today asking me to help him understand Incels, because he'd never heard of them before. I can't just let my Dad slip back into that echo chamber and keep spewing hate.
If these people wanna cut these assholes loose, they have every justification in doing so.
If you want to keep hoping someone in your family can change, god be with you. But that's your family. You can't expect someone who already has to endure this shit all their lives to care any more about one hate-monger vs. the next. It's fucking exhausting.