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Mental Health ERA |OT| You are not Alone

#1

This thread is for Reseters and lurkers coping with mental health issues, broadly defined. This thread is for supporting them and discussing these issues. Please have compassion and patience with others and yourselves in this thread.

If you are thinking of hurting yourself, please get help right away! Go to the hospital emergency department - if you are thinking of ending your own life, it is a medical emergency. If you need help figuring out where to go, a suicide hotline can help.

Mental Health Era Discord

A support community that discuss hobbies and their day to days but touches on practical advice for anyone who feels they may be having a difficult time with their mental health, dealing with depression, mood disorders or struggles, often touching on distress tolerance skills, coping strategies, advice and experiences with social assistance programs, etc. We are not professionals, but offer informal peer support pulling from our own experiences and journeys similar to the Mental Health thread and try to be there as an extra resource for anyone who feels they may need it.

Due to the nature of the discord and the comfort of our members we do keep invites private, so If you'd like to join please contact jacob.armitage, Ketkat, or ListeningGarden or just post in the thread that you're interested.


US National Suicide Hotlines: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Hotlines by state

Canada http://ospn.ca/
and the Mental Health Helpline - http://www.mentalhealthhelpline.ca/

https://www.ontario.ca/page/get-medical-advice-telehealth-ontario

1-866-797-0000

UK Samaritans Charity 08457 90 90 90*
Northern Ireland Lifeline: 0808 808 8000

Australia LifeLine 13 11 14
New Zealand Crisis Contacts

Crisis centers by country.

The Trevor Project 866 488 7386
"providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth"

Veterans Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255 PRESS 1

“I still see my hands coming off the railing,” he said. As he crossed the chord in flight, Baldwin recalls, “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”


Places to find help

US
NAMI

UK
SANE

EU
EUFAMI

(Information above has been lovingly stolen from the NeoGAF Mental Health Community Thread)

This thread is for the discussion of the day-to-day lives of people living with mental illness, with loved ones who may have mental illness, or anyone who wants to discuss mental illness in general. You can use it to vent, use it to ask for help, or even share stories of recovery! Feel free to use this as a safe space for any thoughts or feelings you may be going through.

Please feel free to contact me if you are going through a tough time - I have been through the mental health ringer myself for over 20 years, and I would be more than happy to listen to whatever is going on in anyone's lives.

As well, here is a post below explaining on how best to post certain sensitive content:

Kerkat said:
Hey everyone, let's have a discussion about some of the content that's been happening in the thread!

Some of us who read this thread, including those of us in the discord, have noticed that certain content seems to be predominant in this thread. Posts about self-harm, suicide, sexual assault, addiction, are all topics that can hit a sore spot for people who have gone through them recently or are currently dealing with those feelings right now. There is absolutely nothing wrong with posting about those experiences here and looking for advice on them, however we do want this thread to be in a state where everyone can get the help they need without anything triggering any past experiences or exacerbating any current feelings.

We think that it would be beneficial for everyone in the thread if people started to label their own posts with trigger warnings that they feel are appropriate as well as having people who respond to them put them in trigger warnings as well. The best system in place on the forum for doing this would be the spoiler tag system, since you can accurately label what's inside of the spoiler and give fair warning. If you are concerned about people not responding to you because you're putting it in there, please don't be. While we're always looking for ways to get more people to help out in here, in the meantime, we will still be reading and responding to every post in here, whether its in spoiler tags or not.

For those of you who don't know how to use the spoiler tag system, there are essentially two ways to go about it. You can click this button, and then click spoiler from the drop-down :



Which will then prompt you to type in a title and then you just type your post within the tags like normal.


If you'd like to just use the tag system on its own without doing that, then this is an example of how to set up a spoiler tag using the above message.

[///SPOILER="Trigger Warning : Self-Harm"]This is an example of how this will look[/SPOILER]

Just remove the three /// at the start of that for the correct formatting
I leave you this image, of which I think describes the path to recovery for anyone with mental illness very well:

 
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Oct 25, 2017
247
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#3
Oh goodness, So glad to see this thread back. I have been dealing with depression and really bad anxiety for 2 years (since my nephew passed from liver cancer, basically). On Zoloft 50mg, and Ambien 10mg for my insomnia.
 
Oct 25, 2017
917
0
Utlimecia's Castle
#5
Today I almost gave in to some really bad thoughts. I changed my major pretty late so I will be in college for six years (I'm on my 5th year) and I was really feeling like a loser because of it since a lot of my coworkers (who are younger than me) will be graduating next semester or next fall. I really just had to talk myself out it, tell myself all that matters is getting the degree, and not worry about what other people are doing. It's still hard some times but I've really come a long way from where I was last year (nearly suicidal).
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,265
0
UK
#6
Good to see this back. I'm mentally ok at the moment but, every now and then, it's really helpful to have a place to vent when my issues start to flare up again. Depression, anxiety and PTSD are a bitch.

Take care, peeps.
 
Oct 25, 2017
270
0
#9
Thanks for posting this, Sadsic. I'm in the process of switching from busbar to zoloft and man, the nausea the first week was unreal. This is my first time taking zoloft but I've heard good things about it, and the side effects are starting to lessen now. Haven't really noticed an effect on my anxiety yet but it's early days.
 
Oct 25, 2017
879
0
Pacific Northwest
#10
Thank god, I'm glad to see this community back.

Hope everyone here is doing OK, as well as those from the old Mental Health OT.

Been on Paxil and Buspar for a little bit, and seeing a therapist who seems very nice so far. Hoping to have some improvement.

Here to offer my support to anyone who needs it!
 
Oct 25, 2017
389
0
Australia
#12
Glad to see this thread here.

I'll be honest I did not realise it excisted on the previous forum. I wish I had.
I think you will see me around here a bit unfortunately. Days are difficult, but Imma plodding along.
 
Oct 25, 2017
306
0
canada
#14
Thanks for the post, Sadsic. I think it might be one of the most important OTs around, personally.

I deal with PTSD, OCD, anxiety and depression, myself. It's not great.

Happy(ish) days ahead, everyone.
 
Oct 25, 2017
247
0
#15
Thanks for posting this, Sadsic. I'm in the process of switching from busbar to zoloft and man, the nausea the first week was unreal. This is my first time taking zoloft but I've heard good things about it, and the side effects are starting to lessen now. Haven't really noticed an effect on my anxiety yet but it's early days.
I've been on Zoloft, and think I need to change. IT did seem to stop my panic attacks, but I often feel lethargic, unmotivated, sad, anxious, and just about everything else. And I've developed severely reclusive habits. BUT, I was prescribed by a regular doctor, so I probably need to get properly prescribed.

In regards to side effects,I had severe nausea and numb hands for the first couple weeks, but that stuff has long since been gone. Thankfully.

To kind of rant about myself, I'm 26 now (as of the 17th), but still live with my dad. Lost my mom to ALS when I was 13, and I believe that is a strong contributing factor to my issues. I think the other things, while still very bad, I have handled better. But when my mom passed, all of my school grades deteriorated, until graduation. I also literally missed half the school year from 7th grade to 12th. Always had days where I was just uber down in the dumps. Skipped out on college (I want a Bachelors in SOMETHING at some point).
 
Oct 25, 2017
81
0
#16
Bipolar 1, reporting in. Currently on 300mg Welbutrin and slowly weaning off Lamotrigine. I'm recovering from a pretty bad depressive episode which lasted about two months, quite a bit longer than my usual. At least a little cartridge filled with concentrated joy called Mario Odyssey arrives in 2 days, which can't hurt the process. Having this new forum helps as well, I honestly felt...disorientated when Gaf went down.

I have had the joy of 15 years of experience with being bipolar so if anyone ever needs anything, let me know.
 
Oct 25, 2017
226
0
#17
Glad this is back up. Never posted in here before but some of the advice given has been helpful for depression.
 
Oct 25, 2017
306
0
canada
#18
Bipolar 1, reporting in. Currently on 300mg Welbutrin and slowly weaning off Lamotrigine. I'm recovering from a pretty bad depressive episode which lasted about two months, quite a bit longer than my usual. At least a little cartridge filled with concentrated joy called Mario Odyssey arrives in 2 days, which can't hurt the process. Having this new forum helps as well, I honestly felt...disorientated when Gaf went down.

I have had the joy of 15 years of experience with being bipolar so if anyone ever needs anything, let me know.
How did the Lamotrigine work for you? My doc added it to my lot and I had to stop two weeks in. My hair was falling out :/
 
Oct 25, 2017
58
0
#19
Ahh, pleasantly surprised to see someone beat me to making this thread. Welcome to the old faces, and the new. Would you guys be interested in a Discord server, if I set one up?
 
Oct 25, 2017
738
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#20
I didn't post in the thread back at the old place, but the recent events have made me realize I probably should have. Mirtazapine 45mg & CBT.
 
Oct 25, 2017
81
0
#21
How did the Lamotrigine work for you? My doc added it to my lot and I had to stop two weeks in. My hair was falling out :/
That sucks. It actually worked okayish for a while, but in the end it didn't do enough to combat my depressive episodes, just the manic ones.

Finding the right meds is a bitch, the side-effect lottery especially, but it's worth it for the shot of finding something that really works. Or so I keep telling myself.
 
Oct 25, 2017
310
0
#23
This thread exists? This is so awesome and important. Hope you all are hanging in there <3

I don't take meds, am autistic and have depression. It's... under control, but it sucks. I think I've been getting some autistic burnout lately, it's getting harder to function. Thank goodness my parents are willing to put up with me in their house.
 

Pau

Self-Appointed Godmother of Bruce Wayne's Children
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
1,350
0
#24
Today I almost gave in to some really bad thoughts. I changed my major pretty late so I will be in college for six years (I'm on my 5th year) and I was really feeling like a loser because of it since a lot of my coworkers (who are younger than me) will be graduating next semester or next fall. I really just had to talk myself out it, tell myself all that matters is getting the degree, and not worry about what other people are doing. It's still hard some times but I've really come a long way from where I was last year (nearly suicidal).
I graduated later than my peers so I get it. But at the end of the day, you are getting a degree for yourself - either to enrich yourself intellectually, prepare to support yourself financially, etc. You aren't in competition with anyone else. As the years go by the fact that you took two years more than others in your age group will matter less and less if it ever even mattered at all.
 
Oct 25, 2017
908
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#25
I’m just going to lay it all out I suppose. I am tired of my life and there is no possible way to change it. Don’t have enough money or anything to do it. Frankly I know I’m not going to have a good future anyways. So Ive been selling off my gaming collection and donating my books Japanese language textbooks music etc so my family don’t have to spend time getting rid of my junk when I am gone. I used to have dreams but at this age I now they won’t come true. I’ve failed and I take responsibility of it all. Best thing I can do for myself is to end it. Recently a friend of a friend committed suicide. I only met him a couple of times but the thought has now stuck with me. Like I can do it too and really there isn’t anyone to stop me except me.
 
Oct 25, 2017
306
0
canada
#26
That sucks. It actually worked okayish for a while, but in the end it didn't do enough to combat my depressive episodes, just the manic ones.

Finding the right meds is a bitch, the side-effect lottery especially, but it's worth it for the shot of finding something that really works. Or so I keep telling myself.
Happy it didn’t steal your hair, too. Apparently it’s a fairly common side effect, but not even listed as one when you look up info on it. I didn’t find it did much for my anxiety anyway.

And yeah. Cipralex has been working great for several years, but now I think I just lucked out. Hate that there’s no way to know how something is going to effect you til you’re already half buggered.
 
Oct 25, 2017
549
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#28
This whole situation really escalated my anxiety. I haven't felt ok since the news broke. I guess I was really attached to the community. I hope this place works out, and I hope Mental Health Era is OK.
 
#29
I overdosed on seroquel about a week ago. I took 3000mg. I ended up in the ER and couldn't speak for a few days. But I did learn that I had a large number of people that cared about me. Idk, sometimes you just feel like you have nothing left to live for. I was wrong. It's been a rough month. I had a friend die, and I have three different legal battles going with disability, sexual assault, and housing discrimination. Sometimes you just get worn out.
 
Oct 25, 2017
58
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#30
Just finishing things up on the Discord server here. Going for a lil nap, and will edit this post with the invite link when I'm about (since I'm the only one manning it atm) In the mean time, feel free to add me on there, and I'll send the link to you as soon as I see it.

Edit: I'm back, and it's pretty much ready. Just need people to start joining now! Will leave the invite link below. Quote to reveal.

You need to reply to this in order to see this content.
 
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Oct 25, 2017
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#31
I was stood up tonight. For the second time in 2 weeks... Not good. Almost just had a panic attack and now I have to take an Ambien because I'm wound up.

Being kind of ugly makes shit hard lol
 
Oct 25, 2017
882
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24
Maryland
#33
Hey sadsic, I'm really glad to see both you and this thread on here. I doubt you remember me but I still play the EP of yours that I bought in 2012 when I'm in the car sometimes.

I've talked about my mental health struggles with this community in the past, but I don't think I was in any of the OTs in recent years. I'm currently in my first semester of grad school and things have been really rough emotionally. Since I'm taking fewer classes than I did in an average undergrad semester, the overall volume of work isn't that high and I feel like it shouldn't be giving me this many issues. But honestly thinking about school starts me in a downward emotional spiral most of the time, which makes studying a somewhat daunting prospect.

Trying to look at things objectively, I know that I'm in a much more functional place than I was a year or two ago (my second inpatient hospitalization was in January 2016). I'm really glad that I got out of my retail job since it had started to feel like a trap that I worried I wouldn't be able to get out of, and it didn't pay a living wage anyway. But I also kinda feel like I'm taking a gamble here and that if I break down and end up in the hospital again during grad school, I'm not gonna be able to finish and then there's all that money down the drain/debt looming over me and I don't really have another backup plan after this. But OTOH my family has been pretty understanding (and TBH somewhat inured to this by now) and I know that my mind has a tendency to jump to doomsday scenarios, so I'm trying not to let that get the better of me.

Er, anyway, thanks again for getting this up and running. I just joined Discord for the first time because of the events of this past weekend so I'd love to join the server when that's functional.
 

Nullify

Banned
Member
Oct 25, 2017
13
0
#34
I was sooo worried about mental health gaf when I saw the thread get privated off. I was glad to see it came back, but also this thread too.
 
Oct 25, 2017
389
0
Australia
#35
I’m just going to lay it all out I suppose.
I recognize a lot of those feelings man. I still battle with some of them. If you would ever like somebody to talk too hit me up and we can sort something out. Talking helps. Cliche but true unfortunately. Take a deep breathe, people love you and are here for you.
 
Oct 25, 2017
551
0
#36
Glad this community made the move as well. Had a bit of a rough patch lately and it feels like I’m near to bursting with how my concentration isn’t there at all and how I lost my appetite again. Also harmed myself again, with blades, by drinking too much and other nonsense.
 
Oct 25, 2017
81
0
#37
Happy it didn’t steal your hair, too. Apparently it’s a fairly common side effect, but not even listed as one when you look up info on it. I didn’t find it did much for my anxiety anyway.

And yeah. Cipralex has been working great for several years, but now I think I just lucked out. Hate that there’s no way to know how something is going to effect you til you’re already half buggered.
Yeah there's a lot of luck involved, that and a competent therapist/practitioner. The worst part is that having side-effects is actually a good indicator that something might to work because it shows it has an effect on your system. Having to chose between physical and mental well-being is really tough.

I've been using quetiapine when needed (and lorazepam in case of emergency) for my generalized anxiety, it does a pretty good job of calming down racing thoughts and hyper-awareness at the cost of drowsiness, which seems to be pretty much inevitable with those types of meds. It's also great for when I'm having trouble falling asleep.
 
Oct 25, 2017
81
0
#40
I’m just going to lay it all out I suppose. I am tired of my life and there is no possible way to change it. Don’t have enough money or anything to do it. Frankly I know I’m not going to have a good future anyways. So Ive been selling off my gaming collection and donating my books Japanese language textbooks music etc so my family don’t have to spend time getting rid of my junk when I am gone. I used to have dreams but at this age I now they won’t come true. I’ve failed and I take responsibility of it all. Best thing I can do for myself is to end it. Recently a friend of a friend committed suicide. I only met him a couple of times but the thought has now stuck with me. Like I can do it too and really there isn’t anyone to stop me except me.
I've been there. A family friend recently committed suicide and one of the first emotions I felt was envy. Let me tell you this, though: he left a wave of grief behind among his family and friends. I've had suicidal tendencies since I was a teenager, and one of the things that kept me from going through with it was that I knew what effect it would have on the people who love me. They have been there for me throughout the years and I just couldn't and still can't repay their efforts like that.

Having said that, you can't live just for other people. The best advice is the most common one you've heard many times before: get help any way you can. Go to therapy, look up support groups, call a hotline, anything. Don't stop until you've found something that feels right. It really, really helps. Remember that depression is your brain fucking with you. You are not your depression. Don't do something irreversible because of a chemical imbalance. Getting on the right medication is your best bet, but there are other, proven ways to help give those imbalances the middle finger. If you're a creative person, try to channel your feelings through art. Working out is a sure-fire way to add some much needed endorphin to your system. The latter might be a hassle to get going but has incredible benefits in the long run. I've been committed to a mental health facility before and have seen first hand what those things (in combination with therapy) can do for people, and it's pretty amazing. Focus on the present, take things one day at a time, and know that many people have been where you are and have gotten through it, but that (unfortunately) is the only way out: through, which means you have to work on it.

I know these may seem like a bunch of tired platitudes, especially if you're tired yourself. The last thing I'll say is this: stop getting rid of your stuff. You're already actively working towards a goal, but it's the wrong one. Focus that energy on getting better, starting with step one: get help.

Take care and know that we're here for you.
 
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jacob.armitage

And that went well, so I'm compelled
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
3,222
0
#41
I will say given ResetEra's current heat, it may be best to not post anything too personal until things die down just to be very safe.
 
Oct 25, 2017
153
0
#42
I was planning to stop by when I saw this thread and say how happy I am that you guys made it over here but then turns out something relevant has happened to me today I’d need to get out there.

My girlfriend has been low recently but I had no idea just how bad until today. She was crying this morning but wouldn’t tell me why so I tried my best to console her before I had to go to work. Then at work I’m messaging her trying to find out what’s going on and she starts saying stuff like she thinks everything would be better if she ended her life and eventually I’d move on and get a much better girlfriend than her…

So I left work and sprinted back to my apartment, panicking because she’d stopped responding to me and found her sat down with her head looming out of our 14th story window. I immediately ran over and pulled her away and then we both broke down in tears. Spent the next few hours trying to go through some of the stuff therapists said to me back when I was depressed years ago. We made a list of all the good and bad things in her life and talked about how to add more good and mitigate and manage the bad stuff (most of which is temporary or fixable). She’s just had too much stress recently from sick family, shitty friends and the insane workload of her masters degree.

So after that I felt like I’d gotten through to her a bit so asked if she still wants to kill herself and was shocked when she said that she still did. I wanted to do it for years myself and the thing that finally shook me out of it was seeing my mum’s reaction to a foolish suicide attempt I once made. I was hoping seeing how upset I was today might have the same affect on her but…nope. Then she started saying she really wanted to be alone and if I didn’t go back to work she was gonna leave (without knowing where she would go) so I made her promise not to do anything while I was at work and went back to finish my shift. Which in hindsight was a terrible decision because I’ve just come home and she’s not here. Apparently she is sitting in a park and refusing to tell me which one.

Fuck man, feel like I’m gonna burst out crying any second. I’m really ill today and not in the best frame of mind to deal with this, but she won't to talk to anyone else about it. Pleading with her to come back and stay with me or at her dorm in university for the night. Time to go on an advice reading binge I guess. I know it’s not rational but hard not to feel like a shitty boyfriend. I been through all the same emotions myself and feel like I should know how to help but nothing I’ve said so far seems to have helped at all.
 
#43
I was planning to stop by when I saw this thread and say how happy I am that you guys made it over here but then turns out something relevant has happened to me today I’d need to get out there.

My girlfriend has been low recently but I had no idea just how bad until today. She was crying this morning but wouldn’t tell me why so I tried my best to console her before I had to go to work. Then at work I’m messaging her trying to find out what’s going on and she starts saying stuff like she thinks everything would be better if she ended her life and eventually I’d move on and get a much better girlfriend than her…

So I left work and sprinted back to my apartment, panicking because she’d stopped responding to me and found her sat down with her head looming out of our 14th story window. I immediately ran over and pulled her away and then we both broke down in tears. Spent the next few hours trying to go through some of the stuff therapists said to me back when I was depressed years ago. We made a list of all the good and bad things in her life and talked about how to add more good and mitigate and manage the bad stuff (most of which is temporary or fixable). She’s just had too much stress recently from sick family, shitty friends and the insane workload of her masters degree.

So after that I felt like I’d gotten through to her a bit so asked if she still wants to kill herself and was shocked when she said that she still did. I wanted to do it for years myself and the thing that finally shook me out of it was seeing my mum’s reaction to a foolish suicide attempt I once made. I was hoping seeing how upset I was today might have the same affect on her but…nope. Then she started saying she really wanted to be alone and if I didn’t go back to work she was gonna leave (without knowing where she would go) so I made her promise not to do anything while I was at work and went back to finish my shift. Which in hindsight was a terrible decision because I’ve just come home and she’s not here. Apparently she is sitting in a park and refusing to tell me which one.

Fuck man, feel like I’m gonna burst out crying any second. I’m really ill today and not in the best frame of mind to deal with this, but she won't to talk to anyone else about it. Pleading with her to come back and stay with me or at her dorm in university for the night. Time to go on an advice reading binge I guess. I know it’s not rational but hard not to feel like a shitty boyfriend. I been through all the same emotions myself and feel like I should know how to help but nothing I’ve said so far seems to have helped at all.
Does she have family or friends nearby you can contact who she might not run off or immediately deflect? Somebody that can, if nothing else, be there with her while you can’t be?
 
Oct 25, 2017
153
0
#44
Does she have family or friends nearby you can contact who she might not run off or immediately deflect? Somebody that can, if nothing else, be there with her while you can’t be?
She has a couple of friends I think would be supportive but she doesn't want to talk them about it for now at least. Think she'd be understandably pissed if I contacted them on her behalf so hopefully it won't come to that.

She's back home now and feeling a little better, so relieved right now.
 
#45
She has a couple of friends I think would be supportive but she doesn't want to talk them about it for now at least. Think she'd be understandably pissed if I contacted them on her behalf so hopefully it won't come to that.

She's back home now and feeling a little better, so relieved right now.
That’s good to hear. Nothing worse than feeling like nothing matters and being utterly alone. Bad combination. :/
 
Oct 26, 2017
575
0
London, UK
#46
Heya.

I think I posted in the GAF thread once or twice but not much. Anyhoo...I have Dyslexia and Dyspraxia, but also have struggled with depression for a good few years now - and ye, was suicidal at one point although thankfully that's not at the front of my thoughts anymore.

This might sound like the most selfish/dumb stuff in the world so please bear with me, because I don't really mean it like that....but recently I've been struggling. A lot. So much. As my time at Uni enters its final year, I've started to think about life beyond Uni, friendships beyond Uni and normal stuff like that. After Uni when we've all done a bit of work etc in the evening, groups will get together on Discord and we'll chat and play various games.

It's all fun but tbh I politely bail if they play League (don't play MOBAs and have 0 idea what they're talking about) and it gets too busy (I'm deaf in one ear so making out what lots of people say or just being heard becomes a struggle. I tend to be quiet. Unless i'm drunk)...but to be honest, there are a few of my closest friends - who are genuinely nice, kind and caring - who I just enjoy being with. Like we don't have to talk about anything in particular, i just feel better about myself when I get to talk to them or hang out. Two weeks or so ago, I went off Discord after our usual time and went to bed and the crushing wave of depression came back, hit me like a freight train. I lay on my bed for hours, crying and telling myself that I'm a burden to them and no one really hangs out, at least person to person (because our wider group contains some pretty abrasive people), and just generally feeling hopeless, alone, waste of space and it'd be easier if I was gone.

Eventually I noticed two of my friends were online, one who works at an eSports Bar and another who I used to play DnD with for a bit who was just very nice when we talked etc. I pm'd them and told them about my issues, my depression and so on. I was...terrified at how they'd react because both were nice people but we were friends because of our Uni group (eSports Bar), or because we had a mutual friend (DnD)...thankfully both were extremely kind and understanding and we arranged to meet up. Both times were genuinely wonderful, I had a great time at the bar and probably drunk more than I'd had to drink in any one night before and just generally learnt alot about each other and I felt much more at ease with them. Some of the stuff we talked about made me internally feel like "Yeah, I can trust them and I will always have their back. I'd hate it if I let them down" and you know what I mean.

Same thing for DnD Person, but we went to a Chinese place in Shepard's Bush. Had a nice time, talked a lot, same outcome really. Both times they were the ones to say "I had a great time, we should hang out again!"...which was quite a confidence booster, because even if I didn't have all these issues I am basically Mr Self Doubt. Then I had a massive argument with a long-time best friend after it turned out they were what I can only describe as an insidious sexist. That...knocked me for six because, well losing your absolute best friend feels like a rug out from under you feet. Even if it was my decision.

Fast forward a week or so and...things have been fine, in a way. I have hung out with one other person I told and part of me feels like these 3 people I've connected to are really good friends, nice people I can trust and internally it makes me pretty over the moon to feel like we're friends now rather than proxy friends. In many respects I am very lucky, and I look forward to further meetups (eSports friend is helping my dye my hair next week, and I'm going to a Korean resturant with DnD friend because she's a huuuuge Korean food/kpop fan) and so on.

Yet. The agony remains. I know I have a lot to be happy for, but I am struggling so much to get out of this rut. I just...can't help myself. I need to find ways to cope with it because, depression talking or otherwise, I don't want to be an imposition on them and I absolutely do not want to lose their friendships. It's genuinely precious to me. I'm not really sure what I'm posting for in a way, I just think I need to vent a little.

I have started to take selfies (not a selfie person but hey, when in Rome) to try and commemorate the good times and that way I have something to look back on when I'm not doing too well. And it works. Sometimes, but I just don't know how to cope with this.

Wew, sorry for a massive post. Didn't mean to it's just...when you gotta vent, you gotta vent.

Thanks
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,017
0
GTA (Toronto)
#47
Relieved to see a Mental Health thread here already. I plan on being way more active in this thread than the other place. I've got a new name here too. Greetings to you all and I hope I can be as much of a support to some of you as I'm sure you will be for me.
 
Oct 25, 2017
299
0
25
twitter.com
#48
Would it be alright if I talked about problems I have with my autism in this thread? It’s not really a mental illness, but it fits in more appropriately than it would anywhere else.
 

crj

Member
Oct 25, 2017
39
0
#49
Would it be alright if I talked about problems I have with my autism in this thread? It’s not really a mental illness, but it fits in more appropriately than it would anywhere else.
Absolutely. Mental health affects us all, I've found this to be a very safe space to talk things through.
 
Oct 25, 2017
19
0
#50
Hi all. I have PTSD, G.A.D. and 99% Bipolar. My doctor(s) have been treating it as clinical depression since 2013 but its only gotten worse and worse since. They finally thought to try mood stabilizers and it ended up giving me energy I hadnt had in YEARS. Was on Lamotrigine 300MG a day but I continued to rapid cycle so he has decided to just stop refilling it. I ran out Friday night and I dont see the doctor until the 31st. Each day that passes I get more tired and just this general feeling of hopelessness along with mind racing/fast talking...its so weird. My aunt died on the 15th and her funeral was on Tuesday. I had to see it on Facetime as Im like 480 miles away but it still just...this all sucks and Im sorry for venting. My boyfriend tries to be there for me as well as my friends but its hard to explain how one can be alone and still technically have people there for you. Since my mothers death in 2012, I have really been glorifying death in my head and fancy the day I just dont have to put up with any of it anymore. It got so bad last year, it was a solid 10 months of such a deep depression, I had made plans on my mothers birthday for a very frustrated and defeated action.

My doctor wants to put me on lithium and/or depakote. Does anyone have any experience with those medications? Im reading they can have some really nasty side effects. I have a strong family history of organ failure issues and dont want to go into organ failure playing ring around the bipolar medications.

Note: I currently dont have any plans to self harm myself.