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Mental Health ERA |OT| You are not Alone

Feb 19, 2018
995
0
it would be nice to disappear unfortunately there is no way out of this life but dying.
Have you tried seeing a therapist/psychiatrist yet?

My only advice to you is enjoy what you have in life we all gonna die eventually.
Try to exercise and meditate also shift try to stop thinking at all. Whenever im negative episode I try to stop thinking it helps me a lot through my worst times.
 
Oct 25, 2017
908
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Have you tried seeing a therapist/psychiatrist yet?

My only advice to you is enjoy what you have in life we all gonna die eventually.
Try to exercise and meditate also shift try to stop thinking at all. Whenever im negative episode I try to stop thinking it helps me a lot through my worst times.
ive tried therapy and exercise. and they both dont work. Therapist cannot change the world or anything. all they can do is listen to my issues and i lose more money. my body sucks really. i cannot lose weight even i dont eat for a year. there is no point in living when your dreams are dead and you see others having their dreams come true. i think i have lived long enough. i just want to pass away in my sleep if i can. i dont see why some people have to suffer and fail over and over again and cannot even take their own life in a humane peaceful way. im a loser i lose all the time. i get it and accept it. i just want to die and let it end.
 
Feb 19, 2018
995
0
ive tried therapy and exercise. and they both dont work. Therapist cannot change the world or anything. all they can do is listen to my issues and i lose more money. my body sucks really. i cannot lose weight even i dont eat for a year. there is no point in living when your dreams are dead and you see others having their dreams come true. i think i have lived long enough. i just want to pass away in my sleep if i can. i dont see why some people have to suffer and fail over and over again and cannot even take their own life in a humane peaceful way. im a loser i lose all the time. i get it and accept it. i just want to die and let it end.
Have faith life is good trust yourself.
 
Oct 26, 2017
2,111
0
Saw a doctor the other day to up my meds. He asked what kinda side-effects I had when I started them and I said honestly it was a bit like having lots of class As. They were like, 'I have no idea what that's like'. Asked what kinda things stop me from killing myself and I said I wanna see how Hunter x Hunter finishes and he said he didn't know what that was. Most unrelatable GP ever.
 
Oct 27, 2017
689
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My mental health is all over the place lately. Sometimes I feel better than I've ever felt in my life, other times I feel like death. When I have faith that it's all going to work out, I feel great, but when I lose that faith I feel fucking terrible.

Meditation is the main thing that keeps me going at this point. Sometimes it works like magic; I'll be miserable, meditate for just three minutes and feel like the world is my oyster for several hours. Other times it just doesn't do much. In any case, I'd recommend the book 10% Happier to others here. Or if you want a lighter read, "Anxiety as an Ally", which is written by Giant Bomb's Dan Ryckert. The latter is actually the book that got me to start meditating.

Stay strong everyone. Mental illness is hell but we're all going to reach heaven someday. :-)
 
Nov 2, 2018
57
0
Me and my ex are seeing a neuro pyschologist for our 4 years old since he has problems with agressivity and sometimes it is out of control. Well, after a few visits, she pointed that I probably have adhd and my son as well and it could be the problem, erm okay, I guess.

Now last week I almost set the house on fire because I turned the oven on while using the instant pot on it and it caught on fire. I had no reason whatsoever to use the oven, so now I decided to go see a dr. and know if I had adhd for sure and what can be done about it since lately Im not really in my head at all.

Most places do this in 4 visits and it costs between 600 to 1000$ but Ive found a place and you fill out forms and see a specialist for about 30 minutes and it costs 200$. As anyone here ever been diagnosed like that? That fast? I'm afraid and am very nervous about all of this.
 
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Oct 27, 2017
1,264
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It’s strange. I think I just identified one of the key culprits in my depression - it’s fear of abandonment. I have an amazing family and a core group of friends that I love, but if I’m left to my own thoughts for too long, I worry that I’m being left behind. I’m constantly searching for that “perfect” woman who I think won’t leave me behind. It’s pathetic, yet I’m happy to come to terms with that.

Instead of taking chances and exploring new things, I isolate myself and my true emotions because of the fear of opening up to new people. I’m a guilty introvert who has faked being an extrovert for so long.

This is a weird crossroad in my life, but also kind of exciting? Idk lol, life is strange.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,252
0
ive tried therapy and exercise. and they both dont work. Therapist cannot change the world or anything. all they can do is listen to my issues and i lose more money. my body sucks really. i cannot lose weight even i dont eat for a year. there is no point in living when your dreams are dead and you see others having their dreams come true. i think i have lived long enough. i just want to pass away in my sleep if i can. i dont see why some people have to suffer and fail over and over again and cannot even take their own life in a humane peaceful way. im a loser i lose all the time. i get it and accept it. i just want to die and let it end.
Yagyu, you have to really give those things a chance before they can work. You know that if you exercise and eat healthy that you will lose weight. You have to challenge those negative thoughts that are getting you stuck in this cycle. When you're having these thoughts where it all feels pointless, and you can't see a possible way to improve, think about the way you word these things. You say in your own words "i cannot lose weight" and if we think about that for a second, we know that isn't true. It's okay to vent about this kind of thing, but I think it's helpful to go back and look at the things we write afterwards because it allows us to see our thought process a little more clearly, which can be difficult to do in the moment.

And when you're talking about harming yourself, can you please put it in a trigger warning like I've just done?
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,287
0
Does anyone have any good guides on how to find a therapist in the USA? I need something my insurance covers, but I have absolutely no clue how to look. Just searching google for something as important as a therapist seems like a bad idea.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,252
0
Hi folks. I just want to rant about end of semester presentations.

The end of the semester is stressful enough, and you add that bullshit on top? I had a nervous breakdown this afternoon because I had another one of those fucking things. I understand the academic value of forcing presentations, but there has to be a better time to do them then the end of the semester. Are you trying to recreate the stress of working a full-time job? Because at least you get paid to put up with that shit.
Yeah, that was always a bit weird when I was in college too. It would make more sense to spread them out over time, or have it sometime between the midterm and the finals, but they always just seemed to line up right when you need to be studying the most. If you feel like you're getting overwhelmed with anxiety, then I'd really recommend trying out one of these breathing exercises :





My mental health is all over the place lately. Sometimes I feel better than I've ever felt in my life, other times I feel like death. When I have faith that it's all going to work out, I feel great, but when I lose that faith I feel fucking terrible.

Meditation is the main thing that keeps me going at this point. Sometimes it works like magic; I'll be miserable, meditate for just three minutes and feel like the world is my oyster for several hours. Other times it just doesn't do much. In any case, I'd recommend the book 10% Happier to others here. Or if you want a lighter read, "Anxiety as an Ally", which is written by Giant Bomb's Dan Ryckert. The latter is actually the book that got me to start meditating.

Stay strong everyone. Mental illness is hell but we're all going to reach heaven someday. :-)
Hey Mango, thank you for the book recommendations, I'll definitely check them out. It sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on things, but have you tried branching out into any other coping mechanisms beyond meditation for when it's not helping?

It’s strange. I think I just identified one of the key culprits in my depression - it’s fear of abandonment. I have an amazing family and a core group of friends that I love, but if I’m left to my own thoughts for too long, I worry that I’m being left behind. I’m constantly searching for that “perfect” woman who I think won’t leave me behind. It’s pathetic, yet I’m happy to come to terms with that.

Instead of taking chances and exploring new things, I isolate myself and my true emotions because of the fear of opening up to new people. I’m a guilty introvert who has faked being an extrovert for so long.

This is a weird crossroad in my life, but also kind of exciting? Idk lol, life is strange.
It's understandable to be worried about having the people around us leave us behind. And there's certainly nothing wrong with being an introvert either. But, I think it's important to think about the flaws in that logic. Could you look through this link and see if you recognize any of the thought patterns you have when you're thinking about this? https://www.klearminds.com/blog/cognitive-distortions-thinking-errors-can-cbt-help/
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,252
0
Does anyone have any good guides on how to find a therapist in the USA? I need something my insurance covers, but I have absolutely no clue how to look. Just searching google for something as important as a therapist seems like a bad idea.
Yeah, there actually are some options you can look into online. The two that I would recommend are these :

www.Openpathcollective.org ($49 one time fee, $30 - $50 per session)
www.psychologytoday.com

I would really recommend either one, but Psychologytoday is the one that a lot of people end up using just because it allows you a lot more flexibility in finding someone who will work for you. It should show you all the information you need, but I would really recommend that you look at the specialties that a therapist has when deciding who to go for, if you have that option. If you're not sure whether or not any of these people take your insurance, whether it's through these sites or a therapist you find elsewhere, just feel free to ask. They will definitely let you know if they take it.
 
Oct 27, 2017
689
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Hey Mango, thank you for the book recommendations, I'll definitely check them out. It sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on things, but have you tried branching out into any other coping mechanisms beyond meditation for when it's not helping?
Hi Ketkat. My other coping mechanisms used to be browsing the internet and listening to podcasts, but those tend to make me waste time and feel regret later, and lately they're not making me feel better anyway. Maybe I'll try those breathing techniques you posted.
 

ryseing

Bought courtside tickets just to read a book.
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,297
0
North Carolina
Yeah, that was always a bit weird when I was in college too. It would make more sense to spread them out over time, or have it sometime between the midterm and the finals, but they always just seemed to line up right when you need to be studying the most. If you feel like you're getting overwhelmed with anxiety, then I'd really recommend trying out one of these breathing exercises :
Thank you for the exercises :). Actually taking a break from other classwork right now so I appreciate it and will try them out.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,536
0
29
Canada
Can you try and think back to what you were doing that night that might have led to that episode? Did this ever come up with your therapist while you were talking to them?
I haven't seen my therapist or psychiatrist in over a month, same with my doctor. They all seemed to have bailed on me.
I was waiting on calls from all of them but oh well, that's how my life goes. People never stick around for long...
I'll call again this week.

I remember bringing it up to my therapist when I was there and she brushed it off.
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,048
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I need some guidance, I have an appointment next week with my psychologist but just need to vent. I am happily married to the woman of my dreams for almost a year and a half. When we first got married it was a little rocky. I'm not good with change and even though it was a great change I was stressed and had constant anxiety. This left me to not have a desire to have sex for a month etc. I didnt tell her this because I didnt want to hurt her feelings. She was obviously mad wondering what was wrong with me etc. Flash forward to now, I am a heater generally. i get warm really fast, when things are heating up in the bedroom I get really warm and sometimes this triggers my anxiety and I obviously am in the fight or flight response and then cant concentrate and lose my erection. I have had this in the back of my head bothering me for the past 3 weeks and distanced myself from her a little because I didnt want it to happen again. Lo and behold we try to get close and I start to panic because I'm worried and thinking about her reaction if I fail etc. and nothing happens. I told her the reason why and I understand she is upset and mad etc. But I just dont know what to do. I am getting some CBT next week to help me combat the thoughts in my head etc I was just wondering if anyone else experienced this or has any advice for me. Its slowly wearing me down and I just wana be "ok" again
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,047
0
Has anyone tried prozac? My doc wants to try that for my anxiety and my depression. I'm on duloxetine (cymbalta) right now and have been for a few years but it's just not working.

Even with the duloxetine my phq-9 was 22 and my gad-7 was 15.
 
Jan 12, 2018
153
0
Hey everyone, I'm having one of my little weird moments of positivity, and I want to use it to the fullest.

I know I don't post in this thread often. And I haven't been a part of the Discord for months...

But I'm silently invested in this community, and everyone who participates in it. I'm really rooting for everyone here, and even if it seems outlandish to say, I really care about everyone in this thread. One way or the other, I'm sure we can all empathize with each other in certain ways. And honestly? Empathy is an incredibly valuable trait, and it's what can make a good person.

And KetKat, I said this before, but you're seriously a big pillar of this community. Thank you, and everyone else in this thread, for posting here.

My suicidal thoughts are becoming more frequent, but luckily I've never really gone through with anything. I often don't think of the repercussions, I just really wish things were over sometimes. And I think there is an important fact hidden there to keep in mind. I don't want to hurt anyone around me, or stop living altogether...I just really, really wish I could stop feeling this way. I have an appointment scheduled with a psychiatrist in January in order to see if medication will be able to help me achieve this in any way. I'm extremely wary of medication in general, but if it can help me and the people I care about I want to give it a try. I just have a lot of anxiety regarding meds...

Other than that, I can't do much more other than keep it up every single day, and push myself as much as I can. Even if that's sometimes shockingly little...



Having said this, could anyone share how medication has affected them? And in what ways is it noticeable? I usually get extremely uneasy anytime I have to swallow something as simple as light painkillers. So it makes me worried.
 
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Nov 2, 2018
57
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Me and my ex are seeing a neuro pyschologist for our 4 years old since he has problems with agressivity and sometimes it is out of control. Well, after a few visits, she pointed that I probably have adhd and my son as well and it could be the problem, erm okay, I guess.

Now last week I almost set the house on fire because I turned the oven on while using the instant pot on it and it caught on fire. I had no reason whatsoever to use the oven, so now I decided to go see a dr. and know if I had adhd for sure and what can be done about it since lately Im not really in my head at all.

Most places do this in 4 visits and it costs between 600 to 1000$ but Ive found a place and you fill out forms and see a specialist for about 30 minutes and it costs 200$. As anyone here ever been diagnosed like that? That fast? I'm afraid and am very nervous about all of this.
Well I'll reply to myself since it went unnoticed and it might help someone.

So I went today and after filling a questionnaire and talking with the Dr. for about 30 minutes, I'm now trying Concerta.

Will see how it goes, I really don't like the fact that it's this easy to be diagnosed with such a thing as ADHD and I'm very worried and stressed about it.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,536
0
29
Canada
Having said this, could anyone share how medication has affected them? And in what ways is it noticeable? I usually get extremely uneasy anytime I have to swallow something as simple as light painkillers. So it makes me worried.
The first two weeks are really rough but if the meds are right for you it'll settle in and you'll start to feel better.

I am still seeing which meds are good for me, Cipralex (Lexapro) didn't do much for me even at the max dosage (20mg). (Diagnosed severe depression, gen anxiety and PTSD)
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,264
0
It's understandable to be worried about having the people around us leave us behind. And there's certainly nothing wrong with being an introvert either. But, I think it's important to think about the flaws in that logic. Could you look through this link and see if you recognize any of the thought patterns you have when you're thinking about this? https://www.klearminds.com/blog/cognitive-distortions-thinking-errors-can-cbt-help/
Thanks for the post. Going through these, I can certainly say that I've been guilty of having all of these thoughts patterns. The "mind reading" one especially really hit home.

I just really overthink everything.
 
Jan 12, 2018
153
0
The first two weeks are really rough but if the meds are right for you it'll settle in and you'll start to feel better.

I am still seeing which meds are good for me, Cipralex (Lexapro) didn't do much for me even at the max dosage (20mg). (Diagnosed severe depression, gen anxiety and PTSD)
Thanks for the reply, that first bit sounds kind of terrifying.

I have a huge fear of medicine and almost everything medical related due to a couple of traumatic events. Just talking about it can make me anxious, and in the worst possible cases it makes my whole body tense and a lot of my nerves start feeling...constrictive? I kind of get the chills in the worst possible way. It makes me very uneasy. It's a weird phobia because, for example, seeing blood does nothing to me, but generally talking about it usually sets me off badly.

My immediate family also doesn't want me on it. Depression heavily runs in my family, and I'm currently the only one not really medicated. I get advised against it, and scared off of it. My mother actually said I'd make her unhappy if I did.

I...also kind of like drinking, and I know medication and alcohol doesn't mesh well.
 

jacob.armitage

And that went well, so I'm compelled
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
3,222
0
Having said this, could anyone share how medication has affected them? And in what ways is it noticeable? I usually get extremely uneasy anytime I have to swallow something as simple as light painkillers. So it makes me worried.
The worst I ever had was some mild lightheadedness when adjusting to new medications. Similar to stan_marsh I did also have to try a few different types of medications and dosages until I found a set that really worked for me, and I never found SSRI's to be very effective and ended up prescribed a different type of antidepressant, though I've seen plenty of people react really positively to them. It's best just to keep an open mind, and know that it's OK if you find you may have to try a few different medications before you find something that works for you.
Has anyone tried prozac? My doc wants to try that for my anxiety and my depression. I'm on duloxetine (cymbalta) right now and have been for a few years but it's just not working.

Even with the duloxetine my phq-9 was 22 and my gad-7 was 15.
I don't have any firsthand experience with prozac, but if you find your current medication to be ineffective it's probably best to pursue other options and give it a try.
I need some guidance, I have an appointment next week with my psychologist but just need to vent. I am happily married to the woman of my dreams for almost a year and a half. When we first got married it was a little rocky. I'm not good with change and even though it was a great change I was stressed and had constant anxiety. This left me to not have a desire to have sex for a month etc. I didnt tell her this because I didnt want to hurt her feelings. She was obviously mad wondering what was wrong with me etc. Flash forward to now, I am a heater generally. i get warm really fast, when things are heating up in the bedroom I get really warm and sometimes this triggers my anxiety and I obviously am in the fight or flight response and then cant concentrate and lose my erection. I have had this in the back of my head bothering me for the past 3 weeks and distanced myself from her a little because I didnt want it to happen again. Lo and behold we try to get close and I start to panic because I'm worried and thinking about her reaction if I fail etc. and nothing happens. I told her the reason why and I understand she is upset and mad etc. But I just dont know what to do. I am getting some CBT next week to help me combat the thoughts in my head etc I was just wondering if anyone else experienced this or has any advice for me. Its slowly wearing me down and I just wana be "ok" again
It sounds like you're taking a great step here with seeing your psychologist, and I would talk this it out with them as i'm sure you've planned. I know if it were me experiencing these difficulties i'd probably try to have a very frank and open conversation with my wife about why i'm experiencing these issue and the anxieties that go along with that. It sounds like you've recently approached the subject, but being more open about it may help take the pressure of you, and help her understand the situation better.
 
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Oct 27, 2017
1,264
0
I think one of my greatest fears (possibly unfounded) of going to see a psychiatrist is the medicine putting me in a "zombie-like" trance. I'm hyper emotional now, but at least it feels like I'm living - just not happily.

Had a bad experience a few years back when my PCP prescribed anxiety meds and they basically put me in a trance for months. I guess the key here is to just analyze the symptoms and keep in contact with the doctor.
 
Nov 2, 2018
57
0
2nd day on concerta now, I feel so relaxed and peaceful so far, something I think I never felt before, unless after drowning 6-8 beers.

I got a lot of things done in the house today, pretty amazing. The only problem is I dont have any appetite. My stomach tells me I need to eat since it hurts and I eat a little something but I'm not hungry at all. That could also be a good thing, I have a good 30 lbs I need to lose that I gained since the divorce lol
 
Jan 6, 2018
1,857
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I need some guidance, I have an appointment next week with my psychologist but just need to vent. I am happily married to the woman of my dreams for almost a year and a half. When we first got married it was a little rocky. I'm not good with change and even though it was a great change I was stressed and had constant anxiety. This left me to not have a desire to have sex for a month etc. I didnt tell her this because I didnt want to hurt her feelings. She was obviously mad wondering what was wrong with me etc. Flash forward to now, I am a heater generally. i get warm really fast, when things are heating up in the bedroom I get really warm and sometimes this triggers my anxiety and I obviously am in the fight or flight response and then cant concentrate and lose my erection. I have had this in the back of my head bothering me for the past 3 weeks and distanced myself from her a little because I didnt want it to happen again. Lo and behold we try to get close and I start to panic because I'm worried and thinking about her reaction if I fail etc. and nothing happens. I told her the reason why and I understand she is upset and mad etc. But I just dont know what to do. I am getting some CBT next week to help me combat the thoughts in my head etc I was just wondering if anyone else experienced this or has any advice for me. Its slowly wearing me down and I just wana be "ok" again
Firstly congratulations. Being married to your dream girl is a wonderful thing (or so I have been told, still single)

Now onto your situation. TRUST Your Wife. Part of being married is that you are a team. You will hurt her far more by putting distance between you trying to spare her then you will letting her in on your innermost thoughts even if they are negative. She agreed to be with you for life. She’s ready and willing to go on this journey with you.

As for more specificly getting over anxiety in the bedroom. No idea. I would suggest trying to role play a fantasy or two. It’s possible acting as a character will give you distance from your own insecurities. Other then that work on your other sexual skills. You can give her what she wants with other parts of your body ie hands and mouth. Practice using them
 
Feb 19, 2018
995
0
2nd day on concerta now, I feel so relaxed and peaceful so far, something I think I never felt before, unless after drowning 6-8 beers.

I got a lot of things done in the house today, pretty amazing. The only problem is I dont have any appetite. My stomach tells me I need to eat since it hurts and I eat a little something but I'm not hungry at all. That could also be a good thing, I have a good 30 lbs I need to lose that I gained since the divorce lol
Its normal thing thats why you got to eat as much as you can before taking them even tho you want to lose weight still isn't healthy to have empty stomach especially while on meds.
 
Nov 2, 2018
57
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Its normal thing thats why you got to eat as much as you can before taking them even tho you want to lose weight still isn't healthy to have empty stomach especially while on meds.
The anxiety was definitely the factor on why I gained so much weight. I'd eat for no reason at all, I wasnt even hungry. Sometimes before going to bed I'd stuff myself just because.
 
Feb 19, 2018
995
0
The anxiety was definitely the factor on why I gained so much weight. I'd eat for no reason at all, I wasnt even hungry. Sometimes before going to bed I'd stuff myself just because.
Yeah just careful dont starve yourself to death when I was on meds I would go weeks not hungry I just eat so I can survive. I literally started seeing my cage bones I lost so much weight even tho there wasn't much to begin with.

The only time I become hungry is when I stop taking them for a while.
 
Nov 2, 2018
57
0
Yeah just careful dont starve yourself to death when I was on meds I would go weeks not hungry I just eat so I can survive. I literally started seeing my cage bones I lost so much weight even tho there wasn't much to begin with.

The only time I become hungry is when I stop taking them for a while.
No chance that happens to me, even in months. I was at 170lbs 4 years ago, I'm now at 220lbs. My bones wont be showing for a while heh
I force myself to eat at meals time, a very very small portion compared to what I normally eat, but I do eat.

Thanks for the concerns and help :)
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,252
0
I haven't seen my therapist or psychiatrist in over a month, same with my doctor. They all seemed to have bailed on me.
I was waiting on calls from all of them but oh well, that's how my life goes. People never stick around for long...
I'll call again this week.

I remember bringing it up to my therapist when I was there and she brushed it off.
I think that calling them again is a really good idea. And I think it would be a good idea to bring that up again. It's just something that they should be able to help you figure out some strong coping mechanisms for.

I need some guidance, I have an appointment next week with my psychologist but just need to vent. I am happily married to the woman of my dreams for almost a year and a half. When we first got married it was a little rocky. I'm not good with change and even though it was a great change I was stressed and had constant anxiety. This left me to not have a desire to have sex for a month etc. I didnt tell her this because I didnt want to hurt her feelings. She was obviously mad wondering what was wrong with me etc. Flash forward to now, I am a heater generally. i get warm really fast, when things are heating up in the bedroom I get really warm and sometimes this triggers my anxiety and I obviously am in the fight or flight response and then cant concentrate and lose my erection. I have had this in the back of my head bothering me for the past 3 weeks and distanced myself from her a little because I didnt want it to happen again. Lo and behold we try to get close and I start to panic because I'm worried and thinking about her reaction if I fail etc. and nothing happens. I told her the reason why and I understand she is upset and mad etc. But I just dont know what to do. I am getting some CBT next week to help me combat the thoughts in my head etc I was just wondering if anyone else experienced this or has any advice for me. Its slowly wearing me down and I just wana be "ok" again
Talking to a psychologist next week is a great idea JK. They can help you figure out some steps that you can take long-term on this. CBT will do wonders for helping you to challenge those thoughts too.

You know your wife best, and you know how she feels about all of this, but if I was in her position, I would want you to be honest with me about how you're feeling or when you feel like that anxiety is getting in the way. If something is bothering my girlfriend, then I want to be there to support her through it no matter what, and I'm sure that your wife feels the same. It can be hard to open up about that kind of thing, but I just feel that putting distance between you is just going to leave her wondering what's going on.



I think one of my greatest fears (possibly unfounded) of going to see a psychiatrist is the medicine putting me in a "zombie-like" trance. I'm hyper emotional now, but at least it feels like I'm living - just not happily.

Had a bad experience a few years back when my PCP prescribed anxiety meds and they basically put me in a trance for months. I guess the key here is to just analyze the symptoms and keep in contact with the doctor.
That's a pretty understandable fear to have Gavin, but you definitely have the right mindset. There's a chance that you can find some medications that won't have any side effects like that for you, and I think that doing your best to find that under the guidance of your doctor is really smart. Good luck and I hope you can manage to find some that work for you!
 
Yesterday I just suddenly broke down into tears. Then I felt peaceful and ready to die. Then I wanted to cut so bad.

I don't know what caused it.

I did write about this sort of traumatic memory.

I also have been crushed by finals week.

I talked to a friend but I feel so bad for asking her for help.

I'm afraid this will happen again and I'll néed help again but usually what happens is it happens. I have so few friends that I use up their patience.


I've also started thinking about relationships again and that always makes me want to cut, as the only time I've really been with someone was after a suicide attempt. The only time people care is when I'm sick.

I have this low self image I talked with my father about. My mother was the same way. She would never believe she was attractive no matter how many times people told her she was.

So I'm not good with relationships due to whatever that is.
 
Today's been really tough. I'm miserable, have no energy and no desire to really do anything. I haven't enjoyed what I've tried (reading, watching TV, interacting with people). I'm mad at my past self and even present self for not making a better life for myself, not looking after my teeth and creating such a massive rut, but I don't have the energy to do much more.
 
Yesterday I just suddenly broke down into tears. Then I felt peaceful and ready to die. Then I wanted to cut so bad.

I don't know what caused it.

I did write about this sort of traumatic memory.

I also have been crushed by finals week.

I talked to a friend but I feel so bad for asking her for help.

I'm afraid this will happen again and I'll néed help again. Well actually that always happens.I have so few friends that I use up their patience.


I've also started thinking about relationships again and that always makes me want to cut, as the only time I've really been with someone was after a suicide attempt. The only time people care is when I'm sick.

I have this low self image I talked with my father about. My mother was the same way. She would never believe she was attractive no matter how many times people told her she was.

So I'm not good with relationships due to whatever that is.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,536
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Canada
Today's been really tough. I'm miserable, have no energy and no desire to really do anything. I haven't enjoyed what I've tried (reading, watching TV, interacting with people). I'm mad at my past self and even present self for not making a better life for myself, not looking after my teeth and creating such a massive rut, but I don't have the energy to do much more.
Me too...literally everything above me too *sigh*
I bleed every night because of an impacted tooth that should be removed but luckily there's no pain. Couple cavities too.
Oh I have been losing some feeling in my right foot too, my left knee is wonky as well. I think the years of intense Muay Thai in my teenage years are catching up to me. Doesn't help that I have done nothing in the past forever to keep in shape.
I eat shit and redbulls everyday :/ weed+ redbull is the only thing that helps me sleep a few hours. Just a few though.

I have no energy to do anything, my dog forces me out the house two times a day for 15 min or so. Other than that I barely leave the apt.
My girlfriend has been acting a bit off lately...I know she's unhappy..I'll go days without saying anything even if she's in front of me. I get these fucking extreme moods and just can't get any words out of my mouth.

Reality or whatever I'm in, is becoming, this...nothing. I've lost touch with world and frankly, I feel I'm too far away to ever feel it again.
I feel like everyone is behind glass, all I see through is blur.

This is not even the tip of the iceburg, I don't want to type anymore. Just want to disappear.
 
Oct 25, 2017
282
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Just curious. Is there an active group of people dealing with schizophrenia in this thread by chance?

I say that as a person who has been with a partner for 13 years who suffers from it :) I guess I'd just like to talk about it for my own health, ya know.

She actually deals with a whole host of other issues. Schizophrenia just cropped up in the last year, so it's a whole new world of things to work through
 
Oct 25, 2017
282
0
Me too...literally everything above me too *sigh*
I bleed every night because of an impacted tooth that should be removed but luckily there's no pain. Couple cavities too.
Oh I have been losing some feeling in my right foot too, my left knee is wonky as well. I think the years of intense Muay Thai in my teenage years are catching up to me. Doesn't help that I have done nothing in the past forever to keep in shape.
I eat shit and redbulls everyday :/ weed+ redbull is the only thing that helps me sleep a few hours. Just a few though.

I have no energy to do anything, my dog forces me out the house two times a day for 15 min or so. Other than that I barely leave the apt.
My girlfriend has been acting a bit off lately...I know she's unhappy..I'll go days without saying anything even if she's in front of me. I get these fucking extreme moods and just can't get any words out of my mouth.

Reality or whatever I'm in, is becoming, this...nothing. I've lost touch with world and frankly, I feel I'm too far away to ever feel it again.
I feel like everyone is behind glass, all I see through is blur.

This is not even the tip of the iceburg, I don't want to type anymore. Just want to disappear.
What if you showed this post to your girlfriend? What would happen?

I'm assuming you'd be hesitant, and if so, why? I think you should.
 
Oct 30, 2017
987
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I think I finally understand what it’s like to have depression.

I feel like I’m in a huge rut, and I feel like I know some potential ways to dig myself out, but I can’t muster up the willpower to do so. My life legitimately feels aimless, and I honestly struggle to find enjoyment if anything. I’m a fairly happy go lucky person, and I feel like I’ve heard “is everything okay?” from pretty much every life. At first, it was like “uhhh... yes... why?” but it’s becoming pretty clear that I look as miserable as I feel.

I can’t concentrate on things. I feel like I’m in autopilot at work just waiting for the day to end - and I’m not entirely sure why I’m so eager for the day to end - because it’s not like I’m excited about anything I do at home. I can’t bring myself to go out and do anything. I’m having some unbelievably difficult times sleeping lately. I’ve been stress eating for a while now, and I’ve put on a lot of the weight I had worked so hard to lose (I had dropped down from 351 to 180 back in 2010 or so, and maintained it until recently), and I’m afraid to know how much I’ve fallen off the wagon. I get so unbelievably anxious and fidgety in public now. I struggle to have conversations with people. I’m also unbelievably emotional. I cry so damn easily these days...

It’s frustrating because I realize that there’s a problem, and I’m self aware enough to know that there’s some things I can change in my life to probably rectify what I’m feeling in a big way... but I just can’t pull the trigger.
 
Oct 25, 2017
282
0
I think I finally understand what it’s like to have depression.

I feel like I’m in a huge rut, and I feel like I know some potential ways to dig myself out, but I can’t muster up the willpower to do so. My life legitimately feels aimless, and I honestly struggle to find enjoyment if anything. I’m a fairly happy go lucky person, and I feel like I’ve heard “is everything okay?” from pretty much every life. At first, it was like “uhhh... yes... why?” but it’s becoming pretty clear that I look as miserable as I feel.

I can’t concentrate on things. I feel like I’m in autopilot at work just waiting for the day to end - and I’m not entirely sure why I’m so eager for the day to end - because it’s not like I’m excited about anything I do at home. I can’t bring myself to go out and do anything. I’m having some unbelievably difficult times sleeping lately. I’ve been stress eating for a while now, and I’ve put on a lot of the weight I had worked so hard to lose (I had dropped down from 351 to 180 back in 2010 or so, and maintained it until recently), and I’m afraid to know how much I’ve fallen off the wagon. I get so unbelievably anxious and fidgety in public now. I struggle to have conversations with people. I’m also unbelievably emotional. I cry so damn easily these days...

It’s frustrating because I realize that there’s a problem, and I’m self aware enough to know that there’s some things I can change in my life to probably rectify what I’m feeling in a big way... but I just can’t pull the trigger.
Pulling the trigger may be the best thing you ever do. There are reasons why you haven't, probably- unsure of where to start, self doubt, or something else entirely.

Can you pin it on something? Your post shows a lot of self-awareness. If you can identify that, even vaguely, you can rely on others to help give you guidance or make a plan, that way pulling the trigger becomes an easy thing to do.
 
Oct 30, 2017
987
0
Pulling the trigger may be the best thing you ever do. There are reasons why you haven't, probably- unsure of where to start, self doubt, or something else entirely.

Can you pin it on something? Your post shows a lot of self-awareness. If you can identify that, even vaguely, you can rely on others to help give you guidance or make a plan, that way pulling the trigger becomes an easy thing to do.
I know exactly what’s wrong, and it’s intrinsically tied to my current relationship.

Just to give a bit of background but I’ve been with my current girlfriend for three years now. She’s a former Jehovah's Witness, and had been a devoted one prior to meeting me for pretty much her whole life. For those who aren’t familiar with the religion, I would classify it as an Abrahamic based Scientology. Followers are forced to only associate themselves with other JWs, if you break any of the faith’s rules – including dating someone outside of the religion or having sexual relations out of wedlock – you can and will be disfellowshipped (kicked out of the religion). My girlfriend was disfellowshipped because of her relationship with me. The most fucked up thing about the religion is that all active JWs are basically urged to shun those who are disfellowshipped, regardless of whether they’re a close friend or family member. Imagine that your entire life is built around this religion, including everyone you consider family or a friend, and that your relationship with them or lack thereof is contingent on you being a part of the church. To make a long story short, her family and friends refuse to associate themselves with her.

The other thing about my girlfriend is that she’s been susceptible to clinical depression and anxiety her whole life, and obviously these recent events in her life haven’t exactly been good for that. I’m not against dating people with Mental Health issues, and I was able to be strong and supportive for a long time. But I have an extremely stressful job as a Child Warfare Social Worker. It’s the type of job with high rates of burnout, and where a strong work / home life balance is key to remaining sane. I was able to do that throughout my career, but unfortunately, my life as of late has been dealing with the horrors of child warfare during the day and then attempting to be an emotional rock for someone dealing with severe clinical depression and anxiety. I had little to no time for myself, and my mental psyche has just continued to deteriorate. I love this girl like no other, but at the same time, I find myself growing to resent her – which I obviously don’t want. Her mental health issues aren’t going unchecked, and she has taken professional steps to address them, but it hasn’t proven to be as fruitful as we had hoped. I’m no longer capable of being emotionally or mentally strong for her, and it has created a toxic situation where we’re just dragging each other deeper and deeper into despair.

Even though I know it’s the best thing to do for me, and I hope that it’ll be good for her in the long run, I can’t bring myself to break it off. I urged her to give a middle finger to the religion. I urged her to move in with, and live a life of sin in the eyes of her family’s / friend’s religion. I feel so unbelievably responsible for putting her in the dark place she finds herself in now, and knowing that she has been suicidal in the past, I simply can’t pull the trigger on something that I feel could plunge her deeper into depression. I feel like I’m at a tolerable level of depression if that makes any sense. I mean I do feel absolutely miserable, but I’m still functional. Deep down I fear that my breaking up with her will be a devastating catalyst that sinks her mentally, and if anything were to happen to her stemming from that, I feel like it would knock me down to a place I’d struggle to get out of.

I have also become a recluse and have slowly been shutting myself off from my family and friends. I guess I fear causing them to foster feelings of resentment towards me, as I’ve developed for my girlfriend. I don’t want to burden them. For a while I was able to visibly mask how I was feeling inside, but as my ability to do so has lessened and lessened, so has my willingness to present myself to them. I have a real nasty tendency to make decisions for other people and to overthink situations, and I know I should give my friends and the family the opportunity to help me, but I can’t shake my fears.

So basically, I feel like I have a pretty good handle on what elements within my life have pushed me to this state. I also have a good idea on some steps I could take to begin the healing process. As I said before, I just can’t bring myself to pull the trigger. One of my biggest faults, and it’s probably the reason I went into Social Work, is that I have a tendency to always put other people before myself. I simply can’t bring myself to potentially hurt someone else as a means of helping myself ☹
 
Oct 25, 2017
908
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Wish i could disappear from this life. if i say it enough times can it come true. sigh. Maybe its my area but meetup.com is pretty bad for me. To find a meetup gay group you have to be a successful professional between the ages of 18-30 and look good. I'm a complete failure i know it. I think my only hope to find some happiness is in reincarnation. maybe if i end this life and start a new one my luck would be much better. things i would like to do in life are so far away from me, there is no point in trying and seeing myself fail over and over. never been in a relationship in my life. i am such a failure. things do not get better for people like me.