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Mental Health Era |OT2| Community and Understanding

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,501
#1


This thread is for Resetera members and lurkers coping with mental health issues, broadly defined. This thread is for supporting them and discussing these issues. Please have compassion and patience with others and yourselves in this thread.


If you are thinking of hurting yourself, please get help right away! Please call one of the crisis lines listed below or go to your nearest hospital and let them know how you’re feeling. There are trained professionals who care about you and want to help you through this.


Discord

A support community that discuss hobbies and their day to days but touches on practical advice for anyone who feels they may be having a difficult time with their mental health, dealing with depression, mood disorders or struggles, often touching on distress tolerance skills, coping strategies, advice and experiences with social assistance programs, etc. We are not professionals, but offer informal peer support pulling from our own experiences and journeys similar to the Mental Health thread and try to be there as an extra resource for anyone who feels they may need it.


Due to the nature of the discord and the comfort of our members we do keep invites private, so If you'd like to join please contact ColdSun, jacob.armitage, Ketkat, or ListeningGarden or just post in the thread that you're interested.


Who we are

We are a group of people who are here to listen to you and offer help however we can. We are not trained professionals, and we certainly aren’t a substitute for talking to one, but a lot of us have been through what you’re going through right now and we can understand how difficult it is. We are here for you anytime you need a place to talk or a shoulder to cry on.


How can I help?

If you see someone who is struggling in the thread but you just aren’t quite sure how to offer help to them, it’s important to keep in mind just two things. Listen and don’t invalidate how they’re feeling. We care about each other in this thread a great deal, and just listening to someone can go an incredibly long way towards making them feel better.


When should I call a crisis line?

If you are experiencing feelings of suicidal ideation or self-harm, then you should absolutely call a crisis line. If you can recognize the warning signs of what leads to those feelings in yourself, and you’re noticing those warnings signs start to creep up, you should call them as well. However, despite the name, they aren’t just there for people in crisis, and if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you, or are in need of finding local resources, there are people who will listen to you and help how you can.


I’m struggling, but I don’t know where to start. Where do I begin?

If you’re struggling to find the right words to say, I would recommend trying to follow this 3-point guide :

1) Description of your issues(the more detail the better).

2) What actions are you taking or planning to take? Or if you can't take actions, what difficulties are you having?

3) Specific things you'd like help/advice on. Ask questions.


Hide Tags

Hide tags can be useful if you want to share with those of us in the thread but not to people outside of it. If you use a hide tag, the only people who will be able to see what's inside of the tag are people who have posted in the thread already. This can add another layer of privacy if you feel that you need it.

If you'd like to use the hide tags then, then you will need to use the following format with the * removed : [*hide] This is what I would like to hide [/hide]

They look like this to people outside of the thread :




Trigger Warnings

There are some messages that pop up that are clearly for venting, but the way that they're phrased can be potentially harmful towards others or trigger certain feelings that they struggle to avoid. I know that when we're in the heat of the moment, it can be hard to recognize what should be said or what shouldn't be said, but these are some examples of things to avoid :


  • Talking about explicit methods or plans on how you want to die

  • Glorifying the deaths of others including but not limited to past members

  • Describing in detail any abuse that you have faced

  • Describing methods of self-harm in detail

  • Discussing any alcohol or substance abuse
These are just some examples, but in general, these are issues that have to be handled with care. We are not professionals and we aren't trained to handle all of this. We are just regular people who want to support you, but it's important that we make some changes involving issues like these for the health of the thread and our community.


First and foremost, if you feel that you are suffering from suicidal ideation or thoughts of self-harm, please call a crisis line in your area. We are not a substitute for professional help. If you don't feel that you can reach out to them for whatever reason and still want to talk about it, then we’re going to ask that you put them inside of a trigger warning. Ideally, we want to identify the feelings behind what's making you feel this way instead of being in the loop that those feelings can cause, but I understand that can be hard to recognize in the moment, so just please keep these two things in mind for now.


The goal of this is not to silence anyone who is reaching out for help. It's still possible to talk about these issues, we just have to be mindful of how we go about it.


If you are posting about something and you aren't sure whether or not it needs a trigger warning or not, it's best to err on the side of caution. It's absolutely still okay to talk about these things, and no post in here is going to go ignored because they're inside of those tags. They will just allow people to tackle the issues that they feel they can handle at that time.


Here's how to go about setting up a Trigger Warning :


For those of you who don't know how to use the spoiler tag system, there are essentially two ways to go about it. You can click the little flag button when creating a post which will then prompt you to type in a title and then you just type your post within the tags like normal.

If you'd like to just use the tag system on its own without doing that, then this is an example of how to set up a spoiler tag using the above message.



[///SPOILER="Trigger Warning : Self-Harm"]This is an example of how this will look[/SPOILER]


Just remove the three /// at the start of that for the correct formatting, and it will look like this.


This is an example of how this will look



|OT1| by sadsic
https://www.resetera.com/threads/mental-health-era-ot-you-are-not-alone.408/
 
Last edited:
OP
OP
Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,501
#2
Resources
(If you have any you would like to see here, please let me know)


Anxiety - The family of anxiety disorders include generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder and agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is the most common and is characterised by persistent, excessive worrying about everyday events and activities which the person finds difficult to control.

https://adaa.org/tips

https://www.heysigmund.com/dealing-with-anxiety-anxious-mind-calm/
https://thiswayup.org.au/how-do-you-feel/worried/

Breathing Exercises - Breathing exercises are useful for when you feel anxiety or panic coming on strongly and need a method to calm down. They are most useful when used in conjunction with other coping mechanisms, but taking the time to breathe can really help.

http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/455888/26924003/1458405625530/3+anxiety+breathing+techniques.jpg?token=0h4JvINrRaiDTyQ3OJhUp/d5Fy8=

https://cdn.doyouyoga.com/wp/2016/12/giphy.gif


Depression - Depression is a disorder that is evidenced by excessive sadness, loss of interest in enjoyable things, and low motivation.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/coping-with-depression.htm

https://thiswayup.org.au/how-do-you-feel/sad/


Mindfulness - Mindfulness is about paying attention in a particular way – on purpose, in the present moment and without judgment with the goal of helping you focus and create a space between our feelings and the actions we use to respond to them.

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/benefits-of-mindfulness/

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/mindfulness-exercises-techniques-activities/



Negative Thoughts - Negative thinking is a thought process where people tend to find the worst in everything, or reduce their expectations by considering the worst possible scenarios. This approach can allay disappointment in some situations; but, negative thinking tends to manifest into a pattern that can cause tremendous stress, worry, or sadness over time

https://www.klearminds.com/blog/cognitive-distortions-thinking-errors-can-cbt-help/

http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/negative-thinking-patterns.htm
http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/thought-review-thought-record.htm


Self Esteem/Self-Worth - Self-esteem is used to describe a person's overall sense of self-worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/raising-low-self-esteem/


Therapists

(USA)

www.Openpathcollective.org ($49 one time fee, $30 - $50 per session)

www.psychologytoday.com

Podcasts

Hilarious World of Depression (https://www.apmpodcasts.org/thwod/)

A show about clinical depression...with laughs? Well, yeah. Depression is an incredibly common and isolating disease experienced by millions, yet often stigmatized by society. The Hilarious World of Depression is a series of frank, moving, and, yes, funny conversations with top comedians who have dealt with this disease, hosted by veteran humorist and public radio host John Moe. Join guests such as Maria Bamford, Paul F. Tompkins, Andy Richter, and Jen Kirkman to learn how they’ve dealt with depression and managed to laugh along the way. If you have not met the disease personally, it’s almost certain that someone you know has, whether it’s a friend, family member, colleague, or neighbor. Depression is a vicious cycle of solitude and stigma that leaves people miserable and sometimes dead. Frankly, we’re not going to put up with that anymore. The Hilarious World of Depression is not medical treatment and should not be seen as a substitute for therapy or medication. But it is a chance to gain some insight, have a few laughs, and realize that people with depression are not alone and that together, we can all feel a bit better.

The Mental Health Happy Hour (https://mentalpod.com/)

The Mental Illness Happy Hour is a weekly online podcast that interviews comedians, artists, friends, and the occasional doctor. Each episode explores mental illness, trauma, addiction and negative thinking.

My Three Shrinks (http://mythreeshrinks.com/)

My Three Shrinks is a podcast by three psychiatrists, each with a different perspective.

Dinah is a private practice psychiatrist who does psychotherapy.

ClinkShrink is a forensic psychiatrist who practices in a correctional setting.

Roy is a consultation-liaison psychiatrist who practices in a general hospital doing consults on medically-admitted patients and also in the emergency department.

The podcast comes out as often as we can do them, which is usually somewhere between weekly and monthly. We do try to have specific topics, but are pretty free-wheeling, even rambling, as we discuss topics related to psychiatry, medicine, health care, practice issues, ethics, weather, bad hair, ducks, etc. We tend to be on the sarcastic and humorous side, and we spout bad puns for sport.


Apps

Calm
Calm is an app that is designed for helping guide the user through mindfulness, meditation, as well as containing breathing exercises and stories to help you feel asleep.

Calm Harm
Calm Harm is an award-winning app developed for teenage mental health charity stem4 by Dr Nihara Krause, Consultant Clinical Psychologist, using the basic principles of an evidence-based therapy called Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT).

Calm Harm provides tasks to help you resist or manage the urge to self-harm. You can make it private by setting a password, and personalise the app if you so wish. You will be able to track your progress and notice change.

Please note the app is an aid in treatment but does not replace it.

Headspace
Headspace is an app dedicated to guiding you through meditation and practicing mindfulness to help you train your ability to be present and engage in the here and now.

Books



10% Happier by Dan Harris
After having a nationally televised panic attack, Dan Harris knew he had to make some changes. A lifelong nonbeliever, he found himself on a bizarre adventure involving a disgraced pastor, a mysterious self-help guru, and a gaggle of brain scientists. Eventually, Harris realized that the source of his problems was the very thing he always thought was his greatest asset: the incessant, insatiable voice in his head, which had propelled him through the ranks of a hypercompetitive business, but had also led him to make the profoundly stupid decisions that provoked his on-air freak-out.

Eventually Harris stumbled upon an effective way to rein in that voice, something he always assumed to be either impossible or useless: meditation, a tool that research suggests can do everything from lower your blood pressure to essentially rewire your brain. 10% Happier takes readers on a ride from the outer reaches of neuroscience to the inner sanctum of network news to the bizarre fringes of America’s spiritual scene, and leaves them with a takeaway that could actually change their lives.

Anxiety as an Ally by Dan Ryckert
After experiencing his first panic attack on New Year's Day of 2003, Dan Ryckert began a 12-year process of learning how to channel panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder until they became driving forces in his life. Using anxiety as his ally, he was able to land dream jobs within the video game industry and vastly improve the quality of his personal life.














Hotlines

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal ideation or self-harm, then please call one of the hotlines listed below. These are trained professionals that can help you find local resources as well as get you the help that you need.


US National Suicide Hotlines: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Hotlines by state


Canada http://ospn.ca/

and the Mental Health Helpline - http://www.mentalhealthhelpline.ca/


https://www.ontario.ca/page/get-medical-advice-telehealth-ontario


1-866-797-0000


UK Samaritans Charity 08457 90 90 90*

Northern Ireland Lifeline: 0808 808 8000


Australia LifeLine 13 11 14

New Zealand Crisis Contacts


Crisis centers by country.


The Trevor Project 866 488 7386

"providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth"


Veterans Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255 PRESS 1


“I still see my hands coming off the railing,” he said. As he crossed the chord in flight, Baldwin recalls, “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”



Places to find help


US

NAMI


UK

SANE


EU

EUFAMI
 
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Oct 30, 2017
627
#8
We broke up last night. I figured it was going to happen soon but I had faith i still had time to fix our relationship. I’m not overthinking and full of anxiety anymore, we left in good terms, I’m just sad It couldn’t work out. I grew so used to waking up and texting her in the morning and during the day and then at night talking to her, and going out with her every weekend, and seeing it all go away pains me a lot. She was my first serious relationship and the only girl I really wanted to know when I first saw her. I was afraid of loosing her because I know that if I did I wouldn’t be able to find someone else because I don’t go out, i hardly socialize, and it’s going to be harder now that I’m alone and, Yes I have friends but, they don’t hang out in social places either, they don’t go to drink casually or anything.

Right now i don’t feel depressed or anything, just sad... really sad.... and I guess that sadness is making me feel like shit cause it’s got my stomach in a knot, got no appetite or anything. I don’t know what to do, I’m slowly falling back to how I used to be...

And I don’t want to, I don’t want to be alone
 
Oct 25, 2017
339
#9
Tagging this thread for when I need to use it. I was looking at the Noonday Demon book in the thread and it links to the Night Falls book again.
 
OP
OP
Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,501
#10
Tagging this thread for when I need to use it. I was looking at the Noonday Demon book in the thread and it links to the Night Falls book again.
It should be fixed now, thanks for pointing that out!

We broke up last night. I figured it was going to happen soon but I had faith i still had time to fix our relationship. I’m not overthinking and full of anxiety anymore, we left in good terms, I’m just sad It couldn’t work out. I grew so used to waking up and texting her in the morning and during the day and then at night talking to her, and going out with her every weekend, and seeing it all go away pains me a lot. She was my first serious relationship and the only girl I really wanted to know when I first saw her. I was afraid of loosing her because I know that if I did I wouldn’t be able to find someone else because I don’t go out, i hardly socialize, and it’s going to be harder now that I’m alone and, Yes I have friends but, they don’t hang out in social places either, they don’t go to drink casually or anything.

Right now i don’t feel depressed or anything, just sad... really sad.... and I guess that sadness is making me feel like shit cause it’s got my stomach in a knot, got no appetite or anything. I don’t know what to do, I’m slowly falling back to how I used to be...

And I don’t want to, I don’t want to be alone
I'm so sorry to hear that happened sage. It's okay to feel sad and lonely right now. It's really hard to go through a break up, and we're here for you if you need us. Take some time over the next few days to just self-care. Make sure you're still taking care of yourself hygiene wise/exercise and just take some time to do something that you usually like to do whether that's watching a movie/playing games, or trying to get something going with your friends.
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,734
Canada
#11
I'm done everyone. I'm fucking done.
I appreciate everyone who tried to help but I'm just a broken piece of shit that will never be able to function properly in society.

I hope everyone makes it through their struggle.
Bye.
 
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The Woods

And stood awhile in thought
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
3,579
#12
I'm done everyone. I'm fucking done.
I appreciate everyone who tried to help but I'm just a broken piece of shit that will never be able to function properly in society.

I hope everyone makes it through their struggle.
Bye.
Talk to us about what's going on Stan, just what's behind these feelings right now.
 
Nov 14, 2017
8,453
#13
Im reading The mindful way through depression and has been very interesting i think this one will be of great help to everyone im trying to help me and my mom to escape this depression it has been long enough i don't want to repeat the last three months ever again.
I'm done everyone. I'm fucking done.
I appreciate everyone who tried to help but I'm just a broken piece of shit that will never be able to function properly in society.

I hope everyone makes it through their struggle.
Bye.
Hope you stay here with us please there is always a sunny day ahead.don't worry about society you are worthy of hapiness and peace as everyone
 
Oct 28, 2017
1,383
#14
I'm done everyone. I'm fucking done.
I appreciate everyone who tried to help but I'm just a broken piece of shit that will never be able to function properly in society.

I hope everyone makes it through their struggle.
Bye.
Please message me when you see this and let me know you're okay. You've done alot for me and I want both of us to make it. We're distant and I can't pull you out but you're not in this alone. Weather you like it or not you got some idiot that cares about you.

Edit: I need to vent for myself because I can't keep it in I'm sorry. You matter and what I wrote is still entirely true.

I lost my drive again. I have someone whose been amazing to me and spending time with me and it's been wonderful but I keep thinking about the abuse from my family. I wanted to draw, write, and cook and I ended up dropping everything and doing nothing this weekend. I can't get better here, I can't get better because my home sucks everything from me.

How do I hold onto that drive? I really want to make a difference but I keep going to the dark places and losing all my progress. I have therapy again Wednesday, to be honest I'm really scared to go back. He was amazing but it took a lot out of me, and mentally I've been healing from being that open. I know in pathetic, I can do it here in a forum easy enough lol

But yeah how do you keep pushing forward? I keep dropping everything and then I beat myself up and don't try again. I really want the energy to do it there's so much I want to want to do. I need away from screen, I need to move but I'm so trapped by my depression and darkness. Like it's funny too, my gym membership collasped too because my bank account was shutdown (old account no story there) I'm so scared of talking to people I don't think I'll ever go back to the gym. My diets shit again, I wanted to cook but I can't even clean the dishes. Literally every goal I wanted to change I've fallen back on, I need real advice.

But again the good news is the company, even if it's just in online form, makes me forget things are so dark. I've had joy this weekend. It's only dark when I'm alone again, although I'm always tired if that makes sense
 
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Oct 25, 2017
1,065
in hell
#15
I think if i kill myself i will get to live the life i wish to live. everything is recycled so maybe reincarnation does exist. i get to be reborn in a cute guy who gets to date and fall in love instead of being a fat ugly guy that no one wants. i think i will stab myself in the heart. its probably the most humane. my heart is wasted so why not kill it
 
#16
Had some pretty severe attacks today because my boss came by this morning and told me we were having my year end review at the end of my shift today. Full blown panic attacks all day, no access to my xanax, and he flakes out (for the second time) to leave early. FML.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,065
in hell
#17
i wish i could find a book or something to help me end this life. i know being without isnt going to help but when i have never had a boyfriend i my decades of life i can only surmise that i am ugly and worthless. i hate my life right now and i cannot change it unless i jump in front of a train, however i do not want to traumatize someone. maybe if i do it in a hospital bathroom they might know what to do with the body after i am gone
 
Oct 26, 2017
5,292
Florida
#18
Hello, beautiful human beings and ever-growing survivors of life. *Calls for group hug*

Currently in the process of getting a job in a new city (Chicago). Got accepted into a great 17-week program there that should get my career kickstarted once I am done and will look great on my resume. Having the typical anxiety over it all, but that's a normal reaction for me, there is too much here at stake but I feel really good about things for a change. Only really scary thing is that I do not know a single fucking person in Chicago :lol. But I am hoping to attend Meet Ups and put myself out there to see what happens. I am currently doing well at work, but money is really tight and I am trying not to stress. My parents oddly enough are extremely supportive which felt odd to me. For some reason, I am a lot more closed off from them than I should be, no matter where I was in life they never counted to me out, yet I act like I do not have them in my corner. Something I need to work on.

Also, one of my closest friends offered to help me with the relocation financially, but it feels so weird to accept that kind of help. He is well off financially, and I really feel like I would be taking advantage of him in some way if I accept the help. Has anyone ever accepted this kind of help from a friend before? He seems to generally want to help but I do not know if this is my ego or if I am just not used to getting help. Anyway, a day at a time, ain't no time like the present.


I'm always here to talk, feel free to PM and I'll listen.

i read through a self help book and it really doesnt help me at all.
What book did you read? I find a lot of books do not help unless they are really good and have tools that are immediately applicable in practice to our every day thinking and way of living. I often take a little time after reading every chapter in a book to reflect on what I read. When you go through a book, try to go with tamed expectations. I think they can be great tools if we use them correctly. It is easy to fall into the self-help trap (these books sell the most for a reason) where we constantly look for fix after fix to accommodate what is sometimes a short-term fix until the next big book (and then each book has to be better than the last at doing this). I think it's great that you're reading, try mixing in some fictional stuff in there as well. Good to at least see you trying this out Yagyujubei.
 
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Nov 16, 2017
2,020
#19
Well I've developed a fun new stress/anxiety twitch. I can't stop thinking about what my mouth and tongue does when I'm at rest. Where does my tongue rest in my mouth, do I rest my teeth together or do they sit slightly ajar.

It's driving me insane. It stops me from sleeping, the tension in my jaw is giving me a headache, my thoughts won't stop ruminating. My younger brother has ocd and has told me the best thing to do is focus on the thoughts until my brain tires off thinking about them. I feel so stressed that I can't relax.
 
Oct 28, 2017
1,383
#20
Saw my therapist again and he's great. I have homework even to figure out my goals and what my values are. But second time seeing him I'm still shaken. I feel so tired, so fucking sick. I want to sleep in bed forever, existing is so fucking terrifying.
Well I've developed a fun new stress/anxiety twitch. I can't stop thinking about what my mouth and tongue does when I'm at rest. Where does my tongue rest in my mouth, do I rest my teeth together or do they sit slightly ajar.

It's driving me insane. It stops me from sleeping, the tension in my jaw is giving me a headache, my thoughts won't stop ruminating. My younger brother has ocd and has told me the best thing to do is focus on the thoughts until my brain tires off thinking about them. I feel so stressed that I can't relax.
That sounds awful, ive had similar problems before with thoughts like this, I won't share so you don't have more on your plate but my heart is out to you.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,065
in hell
#21
Life is awful least for me. Just finished watching about 10 videos of a gay Korean couple online. I wish i could have met someone at that age. I have to realize its not for me i guess. if i kill myself i can at least be happy that other gay guys get to find someone who loves them. i dont need to continue this existence. if others in this world can find some love and happiness then why should i exist in it. being alive feels like a black mark on this world. whatever forces that govern this world like fate knows i do not belong here. At work, at home and even know i feel a pit of pain in my chest as if it wants me to stab myself there over and over. i should give in. i'll never grow old with someone or have children in this life. the only goal and dream i have now is to kill myself. dreams of having a life falling in love being a normal person doesnt exist for me.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,666
#22
Life is awful least for me. Just finished watching about 10 videos of a gay Korean couple online. I wish i could have met someone at that age. I have to realize its not for me i guess. if i kill myself i can at least be happy that other gay guys get to find someone who loves them. i dont need to continue this existence. if others in this world can find some love and happiness then why should i exist in it. being alive feels like a black mark on this world. whatever forces that govern this world like fate knows i do not belong here. At work, at home and even know i feel a pit of pain in my chest as if it wants me to stab myself there over and over. i should give in. i'll never grow old with someone or have children in this life. the only goal and dream i have now is to kill myself. dreams of having a life falling in love being a normal person doesnt exist for me.
Wait for mind uploading. They’ll be able to edit you and your avatar/android.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind_uploading
Recently scientist successfully build robot from brain map of Worm . In this process they first build digital version of worm’s brain and then upload that into computer . Then they download that data into a new robot , so that robot is now working based on uploaded worm’s brain . Actually brain works on electrical signal and by combining all these signal it is possible to make digital format of brain and thus we can upload it into computer. There are almost 302 Neuron in worm’s brain and each neuron have around 7000 interconnection among them. Scientist has been made a solid model of worm’s neuron and based on its neural network structure forms a artificial Robot . This project is called
https://arvrjourney.com/immortality-technology-a-tour-to-mind-uploading-6fbab89409b2
 
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Oct 28, 2017
1,383
#23
I'm so tired today, I really wish I didn't exist. I'm making life worse for everyone, I'm hurting everyone. I can't do anything right, there's nothing I can do that's actually positive. Even doing charity work I dropped perfectly good food, I wasted their time. Im wasting everyone's time, and it's my fault. Now there's 3 people I think that died because of me in some small way. I couldn't help them, I fail everyone. I'm just so fucking stupid, i deserved everything I got from growing up.

I deserved worse actually because I wasn't good enough. There are real people that deserve help and I'm wasting time from everyone because I can never be anything. I want a hug so fucking bad. I never had unconditional love there was always a catch to it because I wasn't worth that. My dad left me, my mom probably killed herself to get away from me.

And to the rest of my family I'm a joke or something to control, a tool. But I'm a shitty tool because I can't do anything right. It's funny therapy was supposed to help and he's doing a great job but it hurts so fucking bad. I have to look someone in the eyes and say how fucked I am.

I have the urge to cut again, I'll use ice for now but I think I'm ultimately going to time in. I'm not suicidal, I don't want to burden anyone with my death. And I know I'll make it someday but that's so far and right now I don't think I can. I don't deserve it my sins are too great. God I wish I had a mom, like at any point.

I'm not gonna post here for awhile I take up too much space I'm sorry. I hope everyone else pulls through I love you all.
 
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Jombie

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
4,201
Alabama
#24
I quit taking my medication, and I'm not going to be able to see my doctor anymore. It sucks because I was supposed to have couseling this month. I've been exhausted lately. I started a new shift and I have to be up every morning, and I feel worse today when I've had sleep. Headaches and stomach cramps have bothered me consistently. Situation at my job is shit and adds to my depression.
 

Emmert

The Fallen
Oct 23, 2018
418
#26
I've lost years of my life to depression that I'll never get back and I don't think I'll be "cured" anytime soon. My life is fucked.
 
Jan 6, 2019
606
#27
I find myself spiraling deeper and deeper into a hole of depression and occasionally (but more and more frequent) suicidal thoughts.

A friend of my cousin died today, succumbed to her injuries from a car crash 2 days prior. I didn't even know her myself yet I found myself crying over it, her birthday was 6 days ago and her daughter had just turned 1 two days before that. By all accounts seemed like a lovely, kind person who didn't deserve to die so young and leave behind a daughter who will now grow up not knowing her mother. It kinda fucked with me not gonna lie, and I found myself wondering why not someone like me instead? And everytime I see something fucked up happening like this those thoughts get stronger and stronger.

Fucked up part of it all is I'm majoring in Psychology, yet even knowing how my mind works doesn't help me stop it.
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,700
#28
Also, one of my closest friends offered to help me with the relocation financially, but it feels so weird to accept that kind of help. He is well off financially, and I really feel like I would be taking advantage of him in some way if I accept the help. Has anyone ever accepted this kind of help from a friend before? He seems to generally want to help but I do not know if this is my ego or if I am just not used to getting help. Anyway, a day at a time, ain't no time like the present.
The people who care about you want to help. Let them.
 
Oct 26, 2017
4,162
California
#29
I’m away from home for a three day weekend thing (Genesis, the Smash tournament) and I accidentally left my antidepressants at home. I haven’t gone three days without taking this thing since I started, I don’t know what’s gonna happen.

Called my doctor to see if they could send a prescription to a local pharmacy here, if nothing else than just for a couple days, they said they would look into it and they never got back to me and now their office is closed.
 
#32
Warning: useless venting follows. I'd advise not reading. I just wanted to type this out for whatever reason.

Every day I continue to keep my promise of sobriety, I end up regretting it. It's just the same shit day in and day out without even the tiny pleasure of getting wasted. Going to class, fumbling my way through the material, going to work, coming home, and just waiting for it to start all over again. It's no wonder that I'm alone. No wonder that the only use I have is listening to other people complain about their problems. I'm fucking boring. Almost unnaturally so. I have nothing in my life. No value to give other people. I've been a social outcast for my whole life, but I may as well have been in a fucking coma for the entirety of my adolescence for all the life experiences I've gotten. No new friends, no relationships, almost no progression in any respect. I don't think there's any coming back from where I am. Hell, even if there is, I'll always be miles behind my peers. I'll always be a freak. I'm not unique. I'm not special. I'm not some diamond in the rough that will shine if only I can find the right people. I'm an abject inferior to everyone around me. Other people may as well be a different species from whatever the fuck I'm supposed to be. If I wasn't such a coward, I'd have already killed myself. I've already tested my weight against the doorframe. Seems like my belt should hold me. I won't do it though, I never do. I don't know how many more of these pathetic attention-seeking bitch-rants I can post before I eventually take the plunge.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,666
#33
Warning: useless venting follows. I'd advise not reading. I just wanted to type this out for whatever reason.

Every day I continue to keep my promise of sobriety, I end up regretting it. It's just the same shit day in and day out without even the tiny pleasure of getting wasted. Going to class, fumbling my way through the material, going to work, coming home, and just waiting for it to start all over again. It's no wonder that I'm alone. No wonder that the only use I have is listening to other people complain about their problems. I'm fucking boring. Almost unnaturally so. I have nothing in my life. No value to give other people. I've been a social outcast for my whole life, but I may as well have been in a fucking coma for the entirety of my adolescence for all the life experiences I've gotten. No new friends, no relationships, almost no progression in any respect. I don't think there's any coming back from where I am. Hell, even if there is, I'll always be miles behind my peers. I'll always be a freak. I'm not unique. I'm not special. I'm not some diamond in the rough that will shine if only I can find the right people. I'm an abject inferior to everyone around me. Other people may as well be a different species from whatever the fuck I'm supposed to be. If I wasn't such a coward, I'd have already killed myself. I've already tested my weight against the doorframe. Seems like my belt should hold me. I won't do it though, I never do. I don't know how many more of these pathetic attention-seeking bitch-rants I can post before I eventually take the plunge.
You’re being too harsh on yourself. Everyone has worth. You can always improve. Especially if you live long enough for implants.
 
Oct 27, 2017
458
#34
I'm drowning and I am getting tired of fighting it. My job is laying me off at the end of March and I have no promise of finding another job to replace it. I'll have to break my lease and move back in with my mom..... I'd rather just blink out of existence than do that.
 
Oct 27, 2017
745
#35
Yay, new thread. :-)

I can vouch for the top two book recommendations. My dad was always recommending self-help books to me from a very young age, but they never did shit for me. Frankly I found them kind of corny. But "Anxiety as an Ally" and "10% Happier" were pretty instrumental for me.

I'm continuing to do well, for what it's worth, but I still like checking in here from time to time.
 

The Woods

And stood awhile in thought
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
3,579
#36
I'm not gonna post here for awhile I take up too much space I'm sorry. I hope everyone else pulls through I love you all.
You're welcome to post as much as you like Evil Monkey DTT. I'm glad to read that you're practising some harm reduction and know that it's OK to feel crummy sometimes and that you won't always feel that way, and you know that. I'll write a little more in the coming days, i'm a bit weary myself after a long few days but at least wanted to say this. Stay strong :).
I'm drowning and I am getting tired of fighting it. My job is laying me off at the end of March and I have no promise of finding another job to replace it. I'll have to break my lease and move back in with my mom..... I'd rather just blink out of existence than do that.
It can definitely be tough to face uncertainty and the timing isn't great. I know you'd mentioned that they may be able to transfer you to work with apple tech support, and previously you'd mentioned a friend who works in another call centre who may be able to help out, is that still an option? You do have some time to search for other work either way and you know you have a home and safety as a fall back even if the situation isn't ideal. You'll be OK.
I know you're trying to be positive with these suggestions Half a Moon and we really appreciate you engaging but these more existential ideas that you like to post about may do more harm than good in this community, please try to keep things a bit more grounded. Thank you.
 
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Oct 25, 2017
910
Pacific Northwest
#37
The fact that I’m just a week into my job and already exhausted makes me feel so pathetic. So many people out there who put in the grind every day in jobs much more taxing than mine, and I can’t even handle getting up in the morning. A year or two ago a full-time job in the industry I’m in would’ve been all I wanted, but now I daydream about crawling into my bed and never coming out.

My coworkers are nice, and supportive, and the work would normally be interesting, but as I am now, I’m struggling to keep up even a semblance of functionality. I can tell that my misery already shows through the cracks, and I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna last. Every day feels like a coin toss as to whether I’m going to have a breakdown and just quit.

If I can’t handle this job I don’t know how I’m going to handle surviving on my own. I feel so weak and helpless, like a lamb in a world full of wolves. It seems like a matter of time until I end up as just another sad statistic.
 

Jombie

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
4,201
Alabama
#38
I've come to the decision that if there's not some type of positive life change in the next 3-5 years, I'm going to start planning to take my own life. I'm just too tired and already feel like I'm living on borrowed time.
 
Oct 28, 2017
1,383
#39
I pray none of you ever get PTSD or cptsd because the flashbacks are the worst. You keep reliving the same trama over and over and with my Cptsd plus my family pushing my mother's death to be my fault I'm still living that abuse. So until I'm actually out I have to look family dead in the eye fully aware what they did to me and continue to do to me. And I keep making new discoveries about that trama that make it more and more disgusting

Flash backs arent a joke and I wish to god we could take back the term "triggered" because I have real fucking triggers. Triggers that fuck with me, triggers that alter my state of being but I gotta see some fucking edgelords making fun of my fucking trama, not personally I know it just pisses me off.

I keep finding shit in my dead mom's room and the shit she stole from me and some of the implications I can't even write here. All the while my living family continues to bully me and continues to use my triggers for their own tools. Just fuck, fuck them and fuck my fucking head

You're welcome to post as much as you like Evil Monkey DTT. I'm glad to read that you're practising some harm reduction and know that it's OK to feel crummy sometimes and that you won't always feel that way, and you know that. I'll write a little more in the coming days, i'm a bit weary myself after a long few days but at least wanted to say this. Stay strong :).
i just want to say thank you. You are a lovely human being and I appreciate the kind words.
 
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Oct 25, 2018
334
#41
I've been making good progress in therapy, and one of the tasks this time is to tackle going to the gym and exercising there (she told me I could stay 3 minutes or 5, I don't have a set time). It just feels scary,, it's already hard for me to go out (agoraphobia from a panic/anxiety disorder) and exercising outside feels like an actual panic attack because of the adrenaline. She told me that if I couldn't do it it was OK and we would see the reasons next session but.. if I don't do it I feel like I'm garbage.
 
Dec 17, 2017
912
London
#43
I desperately need therapy but the waiting list is 8-10 months and I can’t afford a private therapist.

It feels like there’s no help available and it’s making me feel hopeless.
 
OP
OP
Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,501
#45
I desperately need therapy but the waiting list is 8-10 months and I can’t afford a private therapist.

It feels like there’s no help available and it’s making me feel hopeless.
Hey Fright Zone. Being stuck on a waiting list for therapy is always a bit of a pain. While we're certainly not a substitute for professional help, we're here for you if you want to talk about anything.

I'm so done with life bruh. It ain't getting better.
Hi there platypus. Would you like to talk to us about what's going on?
 
Nov 27, 2017
943
Melbourne, Florida
#46
Warning: useless venting follows. I'd advise not reading. I just wanted to type this out for whatever reason.

Every day I continue to keep my promise of sobriety, I end up regretting it. It's just the same shit day in and day out without even the tiny pleasure of getting wasted. Going to class, fumbling my way through the material, going to work, coming home, and just waiting for it to start all over again. It's no wonder that I'm alone. No wonder that the only use I have is listening to other people complain about their problems. I'm fucking boring. Almost unnaturally so. I have nothing in my life. No value to give other people. I've been a social outcast for my whole life, but I may as well have been in a fucking coma for the entirety of my adolescence for all the life experiences I've gotten. No new friends, no relationships, almost no progression in any respect. I don't think there's any coming back from where I am. Hell, even if there is, I'll always be miles behind my peers. I'll always be a freak. I'm not unique. I'm not special. I'm not some diamond in the rough that will shine if only I can find the right people. I'm an abject inferior to everyone around me. Other people may as well be a different species from whatever the fuck I'm supposed to be. If I wasn't such a coward, I'd have already killed myself. I've already tested my weight against the doorframe. Seems like my belt should hold me. I won't do it though, I never do. I don't know how many more of these pathetic attention-seeking bitch-rants I can post before I eventually take the plunge.
A thought for you....I can relate in a sense with this. Seems very likely your environment is creating the product of your circumstances. It might be scary, but what about a left turn of sorts? Get yourself out of the rut. Ask yourself what you really enjoy, or what you've wanted to do, who you want to see, etc....and make that left turn and do it. I think even the most hopeless of people at the bottom of whatever the deepest of that imaginable bottom is, could probably think of an answer to that self question. It doesn't need to be existential either. Just do it.

Change is scary, and sometimes for good reason. But probably most things in your life that you can reflect on and think positively on resulted in some change happening. However big, or small. My thoughts Coyote, is that the biggest thing you need is change. My advice, start small. Even small can sometime seem large. But do that change of whatever magnitude towards something out of your comfort zone. Your mind, body & soul have been yearning for something different.

We're not all perfect fits in this jigsaw puzzle called LIFE. Some are...good for them. I'll never understand it. But for every one of them, there's two or three of you and me. You're not alone, and you don't need to put the pressure on yourself to feel as though you have to fit amongst your peers. Take some time and quench the need that CoyoteSpitfire really feels deep down inside (his/herSELF!)....and not what or how you think others perceive you or think you should act. Life's too short for that. You are your own person, and a beautiful person....because we all are. Sometimes we just need to be shown that. Sometimes we get distracted. Sometimes society pulls us in other directions. Sometimes we forget. Go find yourself Coyote.
 

The Woods

And stood awhile in thought
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
3,579
#47
I desperately need therapy but the waiting list is 8-10 months and I can’t afford a private therapist.

It feels like there’s no help available and it’s making me feel hopeless.
I had to do a similar wait a few years back. Thankfully it went by a lot quicker than I thought and I was able to find some open support groups that helped in that period. Definitely do put yourself on that wait list but talk to a social worker, case manager, or whomever local you can about local resources that may be available to you.
 
Oct 26, 2017
2,052
#48
I had the worst hour of my life today. I went to my first job interview since starting transition. It's been almost two years since I started taking hormones. The interviewer called me a tranny and insinuated we were always causing drama over every little thing. Obviously that led to asking me if I would cause drama if no one bothered to call me by my name. She referred to me as a man the whole time. She said that the manager at the place she was sending me to might just deadname me because they don't care and that the coworkers would probably make fun of me, but she wouldn't really do anything about it. I put on a brave face and said I'd do the job anyway, I figure who am I to ask for better? This is my life now. This is how it will be. No one will respect me, I'll never fit in, and I'll never pass enough to avoid it. I should just get used to it. I finally broke down after filling out the paper work while waiting for the person for awhile to pick it up, and decided I couldn't do it. I'd rather die. She gave me snark about wasting her precious paper and now I'm a wreck. It's not like I interviewed well, I did terrible and made every mistake. It was humiliating in every way possible. I was only offered the job because they'll hire literally anyone.

I keep crying randomly. I'm falling apart. I'm too stupid, too ugly, too incapable. There's nothing for me to offer and no life to look forward to. I have another interview on Friday at a different place and I'm mortified. I keep getting told that there's a friendly place somewhere out there but I don't know how many of these kinds of interviews I can take before it's just not worth it anymore. I just want the pain to end.
 

Yata

Member
Feb 1, 2019
265
Spain
#49
My mood and actions are so random that it's frustrating. I´ve doubted so many times if I am mentally ill even if I've been diagnosed and fully know some of the stuff that's been happening with me is not fine or healthy. A simple haircut can solve all my problems for a week and a single sentence can make me fall into a wreck for a month. I've always liked to believe I had control over my emotions, but I think I'm emotionally unstable and I don't know how to solve it.