Dude, it's not your time yet.
I'm sorry to hear that you're in a career that is causing you so much stress Sirenja. I've had a little bit of experience working in a call center for a not great company myself in the past, and it was eating me up every day that I went there until the day that I left. While I ultimately couldn't handle that job, what helped me to last as long as I did was to find something productive to work towards outside of work and something that I could see the results on. In my case, I chose to start studying for IT certifications by using books and leaning modules so I could see that I was making progress towards something better. I know that this kind of question is easier said than answered, but if there was anything else that you could be doing for a career, what would you like it to be?I work on the 11th floor and frequently think about just getting up and jumping out of the window to end this misery. I´m in a callcenter with about 15 ppl on the floor and every time someone sells a product to a customer you´re supposed to ring a bell near your computer (a bright *new* idea to increase sales from our team lead) and I physically flinch every fucking time someone hits that stupid bell. I´m only 33 and don´t know how to get out of this hell - I feel completely worthless...
Hey Oni, thank you for taking the time to share this with us. I understand where you're coming from where you mention that you keep making the same mistakes and wonder if you really feel bad because of it. The truth is, changing who we are and the way that we react to things that stress us out is never as simple as we want it to be and it's all too easy to fall back into old habits in the heat of the moment. That does not mean that you don't feel bad about the things that you've done or are doing, or that you don't want to be better, but that you're human and it takes a lot of time and effort to internalize a healthier way to cope with those feelings.Been having it extra rough lately. Would really appreciate someone to respond and talk to me.
Ever since our stupid mistake two months ago, we've been so incredibly unstable. Our old host rarely come out front anymore, we thought they were dead but they came back after a bit. We've been lashing out at others and ourselves. A few weeks ago we thought an old friend was subtweeting us, so we lashed out in DMs. Which was dumb. Even if they were subtweeting us, it was for bad things that we did, so we deserved it. They had a breakdown because of us and that hit us really hard. They seem to be fine now.
Yesterday we saw one of our friends interacting with one of the former friends who cut us out for our abusive behavior, and that triggered our old host really bad. Which is ridiculous cause we're the ones who did bad things, what right do we have to be upset, especially about innocent people being friends with each other?!
So we went and sent DMs to a few people who cut us out but hadn't blocked us for some reason, requesting they block us, albeit with some rather self flagellating language. One of them thought we were trying to guilt trip them and publicized our DM, which led to basically all of our remaining friends on that social media platform blocking us.
We've deleted the app for that website and are trying not to go back. It's clearly not healthy for us in the slightest. But many of us are becoming increasingly suicidal, saying that because we've hurt people we have no right to live and other such things. We're also becoming more and more concerned - we know our behavior is messed up and wrong, and we hate that we act like this, but we can't seem to stop?? If we really felt bad, wouldn't we be stopping the behavior? We feel completely out of control and it sucks and we want it to stop. It's feeling more and more like we're just irredeemable, abusive pieces of shit and we'll always be this way. What right does someone like that have to live? Some of our thoughts, we don't even know why people see them as bad tbh, which makes it worse.For example, someone in headspace keeps suggesting we livestream us killing ourselves and make sure the friends we hurt see it, because they hate us and therefore it would make them happy to see us die. We've been told that they would likely be very upset by this, but we honestly don't understand how?
I dunno. I guess I need someone to talk to. My therapist seems to think that because I'm aware of most of my issues, it should be easy for me to fix my behavior, but it's... just not. It's not easy at all. Once I get emotional, it's like I lose all control, and my memory afterwards is so fuzzy that I can't figure out any warning signs I can use to tell myself to back up and give myself time to cool off.
Honestly that does help a lot. Behavior can't change overnight, especially when the behavior comes up when I become emotional and lose self control. It's going to take a lot of practice to change my behavior, even if I hate it. I need to keep reminding myself of that.Hey Oni, thank you for taking the time to share this with us. I understand where you're coming from where you mention that you keep making the same mistakes and wonder if you really feel bad because of it. The truth is, changing who we are and the way that we react to things that stress us out is never as simple as we want it to be and it's all too easy to fall back into old habits in the heat of the moment. That does not mean that you don't feel bad about the things that you've done or are doing, or that you don't want to be better, but that you're human and it takes a lot of time and effort to internalize a healthier way to cope with those feelings.
I'm glad to hear that you're already talking with a therapist, but there's definitely a difference between being able to notice a problem and finding the solution, especially when it involves ourselves. Would you be willing to tell us about some of the coping mechanisms that you've tried to calm yourself down when you're feeling too emotional?
Thanks for replying, it's hard to enjoy things knowing I'm screwed in a couple months (living off credit cards right now and just putting on more debt only paying the min balance) and getting hired this unstable is hard, I have no luck with any applications or I'll bomb interviews horribly.Dude, it's not your time yet.
The Surge 2 will be out soon.
Hope I assume right that you are waiting for it, because I know you from the OT of the first game.
Need to see your positives vibes in the new OT when it's there :)
It's funny, I don't now much about you, but you left a positive mark somewhere in my brain, just from a few posts of yours that I was reading here and there. Sometimes I randomly wonder if you are still alright, because I too know about the dark places that our brain can throw us into.
As long as you have moments of enjoyment, no matter how small or short, it's still super worth it. Hope you feel a little better right now.
I'd let the meds do their thing and then talk to your psychiatrist about the effects next appointment. If nothing else I'mglad to hear youre in a good frame of mind. ^_^So I've been on antidepressants for year and a half, trying to deal with depression and anxiety built up from all the shit that happened in my life.
Tried Prozac, Wellbutrin, Venlafaxine and now I'm on Duloxetine. Prozac seemed to work a bit for a couple of months, Wellbutrin haven't had any effect and Venlafaxine made me feel like coming down from speed.
Now I'm taking Duloxetine for about a month and my frame of mind seems to be in a better condition, but I'm still unmotivated and it's quite hard for me to do anything. Should I suggest my psychiatrist to change my meds again or should I wait for Duloxetine to kick in? My dose is 90 mg.
Well, I'd say it's manageable. The thing is I utterly lack motivation, but I desperately need to push my life forward in terms of work and family life. The added anxiety makes it even harder.
I wish i knew more to help with this. I'm rooting for you but im sorry I'm not to helpful. Worth talking to your psychiatrist though, hopefully they can helpWell, I'd say it's manageable. The thing is I utterly lack motivation, but I desperately need to push my life forward in terms of work and family life. The added anxiety makes it even harder.
All the meds I've taken have the most effect on the brain's serotonin balance. Maybe I lack dopamine? Would make sense after almost 4 years of abusing the fuck of meth, amph and an occasional pinch of coke.
Go and see a therapist/psychologist/career advisor, no need to fight with yourself.The fear of the future and the fear of having no company wanting to hire me after having a one year gap is killing me. I constantly think about it, at this rate I'm simply going to reject the scholarship.
I'm too scared to do anything. I'm fucking tired.
EDIT: Maybe I should just stick to being a meh guy with no fucking direction and just working on this shit because my degree says so. Fuck all of this, I'm tired.
There's no philosophy to taking Xanax. If you're starting to feel uneasy/on the brink of a panic attack, just take one .25 pill.So my doctor prescribed xanax. My therapist is asking that I no longer allow negative thoughts. This has helped a bit.
Still sometimes at night I have these intense panic attacks where nothing I tell myself overcomes the feeling of dread.
Should I try taking the xanax to help me sleep?
Would it be okay to take a. 25 pill then?
No one has given me any great advice on how to take it, like when, except just before a panic attack.
I seem to be having those at night.
I'm 25 and lemme say this... we're still very young. Very few people at our age has figured out who they are and what they want in life. I don't let society and people guilt trip me for figuring things out at 25. Its easier said than done because society tends to act like 18-25 are glory years when its not true.
That's the thing I learned today. I don't have to throw away the anger, because I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready to outgrow it, or move on, or anything. I'm gonna carry it and that's okay, because the rest of my life isn't defined by that time wasted.I'm 25 and lemme say this... we're still very young. Very few people at our age has figured out who they are and what they want in life. I don't let society and people guilt trip me for figuring things out at 25. Its easier said than done because society tends to act like 18-25 are glory years when its not true.
Heck, I still feel 18 lol
I like what you're saying but I ain't liking the "wasted" part. Everything you go through is a growing experience... especially the bad and rough times. You're still very young. You can always pursue your dreams and goals right now. Develop a easy schedule and jump for it.
I'm sure there will be a time where I look back on it and laugh, but for now I'm okay calling it wasted. The important thing for me is that I acknowledge it without wallowing it in anymore until I'm ready to let it go.I like what you're saying but I ain't liking the "wasted" part. Everything you go through is a growing experience... especially the bad and rough times. You're still very young. You can always pursue your dreams and goals right now. Develop a easy schedule and jump for it.
Hi friend before anything first I want to say I'm glad to see you posting here. Theres no worse feeling then not being seen and having everything bottled up. I like to relate my experiences to people here and while I dont know what you're going through and can never pretend to I do know the state of mind before am attempt.Why can't I kill myself? I have tried so many times but never go through with it and I wish I could. I know tomorrow is just going to be more emotional pain, and I'm at my limit with this shit. Tried hanging myself just a few moments ago using 2 scarfs tied togeather. I just stood there with it wrapped around my neck while sobbing. Since that did not work I took my moms alcohol bottle and just attempted to drink all of it. Tastes like shit honestly, so I couldn't drink as much as I wanted. Hoped it would help kill myself, as maybe id feel tipsy while standing on the chair, but the rope freaking broke, and I just stopped after that. Like, I can't even cut myself and I've tried, but like I can't draw any blood, so it's all just annoying. I am having an incredibly hard time dealing with this pain inside me, and it's just been going on for months. I do not understand why I want to live, but it seems I do and I hate it. Please just let me die. Why can't I die? You know, all I wanted was to just be happy, but it seems like this unattainable thing that is out of my reach. Of course, life is not fair and I know that. Some people get to be happy and others don't. Guess I don't. Oh well...whatever.
I'm interested in an interview invite if it's okay with everyone.Hi friend before anything first I want to say I'm glad to see you posting here. Theres no worse feeling then not being seen and having everything bottled up. I like to relate my experiences to people here and while I dont know what you're going through and can never pretend to I do know the state of mind before am attempt.
So also had more attempts then I can count. I've done the wrist cutting, i had a purposeful car accident, I've literally bought a gun and then pawned it off which is something not even the closest people in my life know I've ever done.
I have borderline personality and c-ptsd so I tend to lose alot of friends or over react to things often. Usually before the attempt I think it's like a combo of "I dont deserve to live " and "I can finally stop the damn pain".
When you're in that headspace you feel truly alone, at least for me I keep wanting help i might have a cry for attention but I'm also scared of the same attention. I still have problems with it, almost had an attempt literally a week ago but I'm getting better through therapy and being an annoying prick on this site lol.
If you want to talk you can message me, hell join our discord we got some good people in there. With the discord you dont even have to talk, you're welcome to lurk until youve warmed to the pool so to sprak. But whats important I'm trying to say is you're seen, I dont know you or you're story but I want you okay and i really dont want you hurt.
Yeah the server folders are a godsend. I didn't know how much I needed it until it was there.