Mental Health Era |OT2| Community and Understanding

The Woods

The way out is through
Administrator
Oct 25, 2017
4,026
I went to the appointment and they put me into Integrated Care Pathway wait list, which seems to be a combination of meds+CBT+group therapy.
I wonder what medication they'll choose since Cipralex (Lexapro) didn't work for me and just made me numb.
I found doing a combination of those to really be great for me. You have to try, you know the saying 'you get out of it what you put in', well that's fairly true of CBT, DBT or group therapy.

Cipralex didn't work for me either, and I had a long journey of trying different medications with my psychiatrist. At times, it felt incredibly frustrating, fruitless even, but once we found a combination of things that really worked, it really all became worth it. Medications can help, give you that small boost, or that extra bit of emotional stability, or reduction in anxiety, etc. They're not the only path forward, but work with your doctor, try to find what works for you.

I'm starting my new group program next week (well, retaking it actually), and I'd love to hear how yours go when you do start up.

It's always nice to hear from you, stan.
Take care.
It's been a while since I've posted here about myself, but today was one of those days. I feel like fucking trash, I feel worthless. My physical appearance is just disgusting, and I just hate everything about myself. I do not understand what even got me to think like this, but it makes sense. I just don't matter in the bigger picture of things.
You have a lot of worth, and you do matter.

Sometimes those bad thoughts just creep up and take over, have you ever looked into practising a bit of mindfulness? It can really help in these moments. Just bringing your thoughts to the present, not worrying about any big picture stuff, and being kind to yourself. There is a fairly good guide here, https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/. I'm also happy to talk more about it with you if you like, and what I do that's helpful to practice a bit of mindfulness every day.

I'd also talk to your doctor about these feelings, if you have that option, and just bring them up to speed. See if they have any recommendations or even therapy options like CBT/DBT, or taking a course on mindfulness
 
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mrtastee

Member
Oct 29, 2017
577
I've severely regressed having time really bring home the reality that my brother is dead and gone.

I have just been through so much trauma in my life, I'm just tired and defeated. I don't want to die, but I also don't want to exist sometimes
 
Oct 27, 2017
288
I just dont know how much longer i can cope work from sun up to midnight and still not finishing....just depressing. i wonder if im just not up to the task.
 

Yaboosh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,131
After depression and anxiety for 20+ years, i finally have an appointment for a psychiatrist. My wife overheard me saying some not so nice things to myself one morning which basically forced my hand, which I’m glad for. Still terrified of medication though.
 

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,462
Canada
I've severely regressed having time really bring home the reality that my brother is dead and gone.

I have just been through so much trauma in my life, I'm just tired and defeated. I don't want to die, but I also don't want to exist sometimes
Me too, since my mom died four years ago I haven't spoken to my family and have gone even more downhill.

I don't know what to say other than I empathize with you.
 

mrtastee

Member
Oct 29, 2017
577
Me too, since my mom died four years ago I haven't spoken to my family and have gone even more downhill.

I don't know what to say other than I empathize with you.
Do you have a therapist? I strongly encourage you to. Also, markmanson.net.
I appreciate that though. It's just really tough. I wish you all the best in your struggle my friend.
 

Kevers

The Fallen
Oct 29, 2017
7,464
Syracuse, NY
Hey Kevers, I'm glad that you're still with us. This does not come off as a drive-by of any kind, and you should always feel welcome to post in here whenever you need to talk or vent about anything. We might not always have the quickest replies, but we are here for you and we care about you.

Suicidal thoughts are incredibly difficult to deal with, and it's perfectly normal to feel more depressed and anxious after an attempt. It can be a bit of a shock to the system that those thoughts have taken hold in such a grave way, but that does not mean that they aren't manageable or that you can't bounce back from this. It's okay to take your time in finding a career that will work for you, and it's okay to need a breather or a moment to recharge as well. It's difficult for us to not compare our lives to other people, but it's important to take a step back and realize that everyone is going through life at their own pace and you aren't able to see all the details of someone's life even if you're close with them.

Often when we're depressed, the issues in our own lives are magnified greatly while we tend to idealize what other people have. We can't know who among our friends and family is suffering from anxiety or depression all the time, and we can't know about the struggles that they're facing right now. By focusing on these idealized versions of the people that we interact with, it can make our situations feel even worse than they already did. I don't say all of this to diminish what you're going through, but to try and stress that you are not alone. A lot of us have been where you are now, and we want to see you beat back those thoughts and flourish.

I'm sure the hospital went over this with you some, but I would really recommend reaching out to a therapist if you feel that you can. They can help provide you with some coping mechanisms to handle those thoughts and feelings as they are emerging. We can help you try and find one as well if you'd like!
Thank you, I really appreciate it. It’s very slow going but I’m slowly getting over what I did. I feel pretty good then get a quick flash of what I did and it starts messing with me again. I’m currently seeing a friend of my aunt and uncle until I can get in with a psychologist which will be about 2-3 months for a new patient. I was also prescribed buspar for my anxiety but the side effects were absolutely awful and he switched me over to Clonidine which I’m hoping will help.
 

TaySan

Member
Dec 10, 2018
5,334
My father agreed to lower my rent. I'm so relieved i can finally start saving a little money and hopefully next year i can pay off my car and phone and i will really start saving money and hopefully be able to move out and live on my own again.

Feelsgoodman.jpeg
 

HououinKyouma

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,144
As someone who wants to pursue getting some help (I have really bad anxiety), would you all recommend starting off with a psychiatrist or therapist? Maybe both? I have no idea where to start.
 

AliceAmber

Moderator
May 2, 2018
819
Tampa, Fl
One of my close friends got Baker Acted this weekend. She's been given a new diagnosis of PTSD so hopefully this helps. Hoping to visit her as soon as I can.
 
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Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,029
One of my close friends got Baker Acted this weekend. She's been given a new diagnosis of PTSD so hopefully this helps. Hoping to visit her as soon as I can.
I'm really sorry to hear that Alice. It's never a good feeling when someone needs that level of intervention, but I hope that the new diagnosis will help her to understand why she feels the way that she does and start working towards the road to recovery. I think it's a really great idea for you to visit her, and I know that she'll appreciate it. She might be a bit ashamed, or extra awkward when you first see her, but just letting her know that you're there for her and willing to support her will go a long way towards helping her recover.

You're a great friend Alice, and she's lucky to have you!
 

AliceAmber

Moderator
May 2, 2018
819
Tampa, Fl
Aww *blush blush* Thanks Ketkat! This is her second time this year, really hoping for good results. I just wish I could bring books or something, but it's not allowed.

This same friend also has a history of self-cutting. The subject comes up often. It's even why she was sent to the hospital, she harmed herself just dangerously enough that her councilor thought it was the best option. The first time she was baker acted someone caught her at school, and called the police. I just never really know what to do in regards to the subject I'm always at a loss. I don't want to shame her. Any advice in genral about helping a loved one who does this would be fantastic.
 
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Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,029
Aww *blush blush* Thanks Ketkat! This is her second time this year, really hoping for good results. I just wish I could bring books or something, but it's not allowed.

This same friend also has a history of self-cutting. The subject comes up often. It's even why she was sent to the hospital, she harmed herself just dangerously enough that her councilor thought it was the best option. The first time she was baker acted someone caught her at school, and called the police. I just never really know what to do in regards to the subject I'm always at a loss. I don't want to shame her. Any advice in genral about helping a loved one who does this would be fantastic.
Yeaaah, it's unfortunate that you can't take anything to her in there as I imagine that she's incredibly bored just sitting around for all that time, but that's why a visit like yours will have all the more impact on it's own.

You definitely have the right idea in wanting to avoid shaming her, because any great feelings of shame that she might feel surrounding this can only make it harder to reach out. I used to self-harm myself, and although cutting was not my method, the reason for doing it was largely because of tumultuous feelings within myself that I could not find any release for. By self-harming, I was able to externalize some of that internal pain and feel relief if for even a moment. I usually felt much worse a couple minutes after, so I struggled to find coping mechanisms that worked for me.

The most important step that I think anyone who sees a loved one self-harming is to just let them know that you're available to help and listen to them whenever they want to talk. You don't have to talk about self-harm, or the feelings behind it even, but just talking about your day or something that you both enjoy can help ground them back in reality and keep them out of their head. If the conversation is hitting on the topic of self-harm or why they feel the need to do this, the key is to remain as non-judgmental as possible and to try and encourage that they use other coping mechanisms. I know it might seem a bit odd as well, but you probably want to avoid having them make any promises to not self-harm in the future. If they break that promise, they may feel like they can't come to you and as unhealthy as it is, it is a coping mechanism and it won't be easy for them to break the habits that have already formed.

Also, I would imagine that the hospital will go over this some, but if you want to pass on any resources to your friend, I would recommend that you look into these :



The first link is an app that works on most phones that will walk someone through some steps in an attempt to calm them down and prevent them from hurting themself. While the second one is a large list of methods that are used to distract from the dangerous consequences of self-harm. For instance, squeezing ice cubes is in there, and while that still creates feelings of pain in the body, it's a lot less likely that someone could go too far by doing that.

It's a pretty large list of possible replacements for self-harm, and there's a good chance that not all of them are going to work right away or even at all for your friend. It's all about finding the right coping mechanism that works for her, and ideally the hospital will help her get on the right track!

If you have any other specific questions or just want to know more about the feelings behind it or anything at all, please feel free to ask. That's just kind of a general overview and some resources that are nice to have in your back pocket in case of an emergency.
 
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Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,029
Thank you! Supposedly shes tried out the entire list but perhaps itll be worth revisiting after her new meds.
Hopefully! The main thing that she needs to keep in mind when trying out new coping mechanisms is that they might feel cheesy or ineffective at first, but by continually using them time and time again, it can slowly develop into a more effective coping mechanism. Meds are always great for helping with that too. Good luck with your visit! I hope it goes well!

We'll always be here if you have questions
 

Yagyujubei

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,258
in hell
Wonder if there is an afterlife or are we reborn into another life. When someone dies we as a society like to say that person is in a better place, so why shouldn't i go a better place than where i am now.
 

Monkey DTT

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
2,361
USA West Virginia
Kinda been back and forth, had a surprisingly nice birthday which I was dreading this year. This weekend I kind of collapsed a bit, did almost nothing Sunday just laid in bed and watched anime. I have therapy today which hopefully will be good.

My mental state is wanting to drop everything though, everything is too much of a bother and I'll never find a job or an apartment. Idk why I'm bothering when I'm as stupid as I am is kind of how I feel right now.

I'm just kind of beating myself up for failing at something I havent attempted yet. I'm not in the best headspace, I'm trying to looking at pictures of fashion or styles to change my appearance when I leave but everything i look at feels wrong or I'm unworthy it. I'm not in crisis, self harms been low but I'm not very useful


As someone who wants to pursue getting some help (I have really bad anxiety), would you all recommend starting off with a psychiatrist or therapist? Maybe both? I have no idea where to start.
I would start with a therapist as they may be able to help with techniques and recommend someone for psychiatry.
 

AliceAmber

Moderator
May 2, 2018
819
Tampa, Fl
Kinda been back and forth, had a surprisingly nice birthday which I was dreading this year. This weekend I kind of collapsed a bit, did almost nothing Sunday just laid in bed and watched anime. I have therapy today which hopefully will be good.

My mental state is wanting to drop everything though, everything is too much of a bother and I'll never find a job or an apartment. Idk why I'm bothering when I'm as stupid as I am is kind of how I feel right now.

I'm just kind of beating myself up for failing at something I havent attempted yet. I'm not in the best headspace, I'm trying to looking at pictures of fashion or styles to change my appearance when I leave but everything i look at feels wrong or I'm unworthy it. I'm not in crisis, self harms been low but I'm not very useful



I would start with a therapist as they may be able to help with techniques and recommend someone for psychiatry.
You are SO worthy of those clothes. Whatever you want to wear, you are going to rock. Dressing up, even when I don't have any plans really helps my self-esteem. And even browsing and saving outfit ideas on pinterests helps a little on no spoons days.
 

OniLinkPlus

Member
Oct 25, 2017
574
The university approved my early move in!!! Without telling me!! I can move in at any time! My homelessness crisis is over oh thank goodness. I'm flapping extra hard right now
 

Monkey DTT

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
2,361
USA West Virginia
You are SO worthy of those clothes. Whatever you want to wear, you are going to rock. Dressing up, even when I don't have any plans really helps my self-esteem. And even browsing and saving outfit ideas on pinterests helps a little on no spoons days.
When my partner is visiting one of the things we plan to do us go out somewhere and just try on clothes. Everytime i wore something outside of what was purchased for me I always received judgement or backlash so idk what would if anything would be good for me.

I'll totally check out pinterest though, might help with some ideas and i appreciate the kind words ^_^

Edit: Starting tomorrow I have to get one item from a grocery store and have someone check me out. It's supposed to help me feel my sense of agency, how I'm allowed to ask or need things even if it goes against my anxiety.... damn it this scares the shit out of me
 
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Lady Murasaki

Scary Shiny Glasses
Member
Oct 25, 2017
579
Hey Murasaki, thank you for taking the time to open up about this. I'm really sorry to hear that you have been struggling with suicidal thoughts and that you lost your dream job. A lot of the thoughts and feelings that you're expressing are familiar to me as well, and it can be overwhelming trying to tackle that tangle all at once. It's okay to feel lost, and it's okay to feel anxious at times, but when it's getting to the point that you feel that you can't move forward, it's okay to rely on others for help. You are not a burden, and you aren't a weirdo, or anything else like that. You're a good friend to a lot of people on this site, and I know a lot of people missed having you around while you were on break.

I've worked for one of those crisis lifelines for a bit, and if you're having suicidal thoughts at all or just need a place to talk, then it's okay to call them too. At least, it is here in the USA, I'm not too sure how other countries handle it but I would imagine it's very similar. They want to be able to help you before you make an attempt, and suicidal ideation is often the first step in that. I can understand the distrust of psychologists and your family based on your own past experiences, but I would really recommend trying to shift the focus on what you can change in your life. I know that it's not that simple, and things that we can't affect will always impact us in some way, but taking steps towards our own personal goals can improve our lives and hopefully diminish that impact a bit.

I think that you're being far too harsh with yourself here as well. You aren't ungrateful just because you have your health, food, and a roof over your head. These feelings of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation are real, and it takes a monumental amount of strength to continue to push through them day after day. It's understandable to be tired or even overwhelmed as they gnaw at you. But, I know that you can make it through this and we're here for you every step of the way.

You mention here that you feel too scared or apathetic to finish your degree. Would you be willing to tell us a little more about that? What are you scared of happening if you go back to school?
Thank you so much for your reply, Ketkat. I apologize for taking so long to answer, sometimes when something seems important to me (like engaging in this thread) I tend to push it away and procrastinate a lot. But here I am again! :)

Your question about ''What are you scared of'' stayed on my mind for several days after I read it here. At first, I was surprised, because even though the fear is there, I couldn't pinpoint exactly the cause. What I was scared of. Why I procrastinate everything that is important to get a better life while I'm unhappy with the state of mine right now. I kept thinking about it all these days, and I think I know now. I'm afraid of failing.

You see, the theme I picked for my dissertation is a bit hard to develop and even though I was approved with good grades in the first phase, my professor isn't the most reliable ever and he is a bit hard to deal. And I think deep down I'm too proud to start working in something ''easy'' like my colleagues did (and they already graduated). So I keep procrastinating, months on end. It doesn't make sense, though. Not doing stuff for the fear of failure leads to actual failure.

I got better these last two weeks though. Not having suicidal thoughts for a while and yesterday I kinda had a breakthrough about the negative bias I apply to absolutely everything. Thinking the grass is always greener on the other side, even though I almost never have that kind of envy that wishes others harm because good things are happening to them. I'm usually genuinely happy for them and hating my own life at the same time. Or thinking everything good is phony and fake, like the opposite of rose-tinted glasses. Like seeing a ugly view of the Pyramids of Giza and thinking the world is disgusting and pointless, while I ignore all the beauty and glory it carries. Also feeling bad emotions intensively and being numb to everything good that happened to me. I was hired into a high profile company? Lol, it doesn't matter, it was sheer luck and I'm an imposter anyway. I was fired without any blame, just due to my contract expiring? It was my fault for being a failure and a disgusting piece of trash that didn't work hard enough.

The good thing is that I finally saw my negative bias in everything isn't ''the hidden truth''. I always KNEW, people that loved me are saying this to me for ages, but it finally... Snapped. Like a switch. I think the worst thing about being told you are smart is that it's very hard to admit your perceptions are WRONG, especially when associated with obsessive perfectionism and self-hatred like in my case. I believe everything good others say about themselves and everything bad people ever said to me. But finally, I think I might be onto something that can lead to positive change.

I will just start doing the small tasks and see where this goes. And thanks once more for this space.
 

AliceAmber

Moderator
May 2, 2018
819
Tampa, Fl
Talked to my friend on the phone. She wasn't very talkative so I kinda just quickly changed subjects every 30 seconds so I probably sounded SUPER awkward. But I tried. Will probably try to call again tomorrow.
 

EvilChameleon

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,747
Youngstown, Ohio
Finally admitted to my doctor that I feel like the episodic tension headaches I get are a result of anxiety that has been around since the middle of 2016. Hopefully with the medicine he prescribed, I can finally shake not only the anxiety, but the tension headaches.
 

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Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,029
Thank you so much for your reply, Ketkat. I apologize for taking so long to answer, sometimes when something seems important to me (like engaging in this thread) I tend to push it away and procrastinate a lot. But here I am again! :)

Your question about ''What are you scared of'' stayed on my mind for several days after I read it here. At first, I was surprised, because even though the fear is there, I couldn't pinpoint exactly the cause. What I was scared of. Why I procrastinate everything that is important to get a better life while I'm unhappy with the state of mine right now. I kept thinking about it all these days, and I think I know now. I'm afraid of failing.

You see, the theme I picked for my dissertation is a bit hard to develop and even though I was approved with good grades in the first phase, my professor isn't the most reliable ever and he is a bit hard to deal. And I think deep down I'm too proud to start working in something ''easy'' like my colleagues did (and they already graduated). So I keep procrastinating, months on end. It doesn't make sense, though. Not doing stuff for the fear of failure leads to actual failure.

I got better these last two weeks though. Not having suicidal thoughts for a while and yesterday I kinda had a breakthrough about the negative bias I apply to absolutely everything. Thinking the grass is always greener on the other side, even though I almost never have that kind of envy that wishes others harm because good things are happening to them. I'm usually genuinely happy for them and hating my own life at the same time. Or thinking everything good is phony and fake, like the opposite of rose-tinted glasses. Like seeing a ugly view of the Pyramids of Giza and thinking the world is disgusting and pointless, while I ignore all the beauty and glory it carries. Also feeling bad emotions intensively and being numb to everything good that happened to me. I was hired into a high profile company? Lol, it doesn't matter, it was sheer luck and I'm an imposter anyway. I was fired without any blame, just due to my contract expiring? It was my fault for being a failure and a disgusting piece of trash that didn't work hard enough.

The good thing is that I finally saw my negative bias in everything isn't ''the hidden truth''. I always KNEW, people that loved me are saying this to me for ages, but it finally... Snapped. Like a switch. I think the worst thing about being told you are smart is that it's very hard to admit your perceptions are WRONG, especially when associated with obsessive perfectionism and self-hatred like in my case. I believe everything good others say about themselves and everything bad people ever said to me. But finally, I think I might be onto something that can lead to positive change.

I will just start doing the small tasks and see where this goes. And thanks once more for this space.
It's definitely no problem to take your time responding to anything in this thread or in general. I often struggle with taking the necessary time to truly understand where my own feelings are coming from, and it's a trait that I admire in people.

I think that being able to recognize where that fear is stemming from is an incredible first step towards pushing back against it, and having concrete steps to move past those negative preconceptions is even better. A lot of us are able to relate to that fear of failure that you've had in the past, and it's all too easy to get caught up in that fear and be unable to move forward in any way. You should be proud of making the progress that you already have, and will continue to make from here on. Not only in your journey through mental health, but through your schooling as well. It's incredibly impressive to make it as far as you have and I would love to hear about your dissertation or any topics that interest you that you might swap it to.

A lot of the situations that you've described and the way that you frame them are what are typically called 'Cognitive Distortions' or 'Negative Thinking' where largely whenever you see a situation that could impact your life, it's twisted in some way into a negative. Some people do this as a way to allay disappointment by reducing their expectations, but it creates this self-fulfilling prophecy that you've recognized where not doing stuff for fear of failure leads to actual failure. When these thoughts have become a regular routine for your mind to play around with, it can be difficult to push back against them and keep them gone, and if you ever feel that you're struggling to do that, I would recommend trying out CBT.

These resources below will outline the various types of negative thinking out there, and some small examples on how to push back against them. If these don't work for you, then that's okay and we'll still be here to help you any time that you need help or just want to vent. This space will always be available for you, no matter what.

https://www.klearminds.com/blog/cognitive-distortions-thinking-errors-can-cbt-help/

http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/negative-thinking-patterns.htm
http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/thought-review-thought-record.htm

Talked to my friend on the phone. She wasn't very talkative so I kinda just quickly changed subjects every 30 seconds so I probably sounded SUPER awkward. But I tried. Will probably try to call again tomorrow.
Its definitely okay to sound awkward when you're talking to someone in that position, I think most of us would! I imagine she was feeling a lot of the same feelings which is why she wasn't very talkative, but I know that she appreciated the call and you taking the time to reach out to her. I know I said it before, but it's true. You really are a great friend to her and she's lucky to have you looking out for her!
 

Monkey DTT

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
2,361
USA West Virginia
Yesterday i had a very dark episode, i almost attempted to get myself banned and break relationships to isolate myself. I'm holding onto a lot, even when i think I'm sharing everything I'm not there's layers i won't let myself feel or allow. I have a long way to go but I think i get etika when he kept trying to ruin his life.

Sometimes it feels like having agency or failing by your own hand instead of letting life let you down feels like the only option. I'm still a mess, i feel okay now but its not where i want to be. I also learned i have had a problem where I'm really needing to talk to someone but I'm so afraid of being seen and it tends to throw myself into those spirals.

Not really a point just that's where i am, I'm still sitting on a lot i don't wish to share.... Which I hate that i can't fully do even to my own therapist. I need to learn to talk to people and seek that. Only thing that got me out was talking 1 and 1. Damn irony is I can't be fully open until I'm at my absolute limit
 

AliceAmber

Moderator
May 2, 2018
819
Tampa, Fl
Thought I'd give an update. My friend, let's call her "L", got out of the hospital yesterday. Last night I get a text right around midnight asking if she could stay the night, and that she didn't want to be alone. It was a surprise, but not really a problem. We didn't even hang out, really she literally just wanted to sleep at my place. Only real downside is that I'm sleepy at work today.

Another friend, let's call her "T" thinks that L is being manipulative. I'm not really sure I agree. I need to look out for my own mental health, I agree. But not wanting to be alone after such an experience is understandable. I feel T is just being protective of me. And we've both gone through some stuff with a very toxic person in the past. I should also add that I'm currently in my first few weeks of sobriety, so that might be adding to things.

I'm not sharing all of the details, obviously. But I'm curious to hear if you all have any thoughts/suggestions. Am I overextending myself?
 

OniLinkPlus

Member
Oct 25, 2017
574
Thought I'd give an update. My friend, let's call her "L", got out of the hospital yesterday. Last night I get a text right around midnight asking if she could stay the night, and that she didn't want to be alone. It was a surprise, but not really a problem. We didn't even hang out, really she literally just wanted to sleep at my place. Only real downside is that I'm sleepy at work today.

Another friend, let's call her "T" thinks that L is being manipulative. I'm not really sure I agree. I need to look out for my own mental health, I agree. But not wanting to be alone after such an experience is understandable. I feel T is just being protective of me. And we've both gone through some stuff with a very toxic person in the past. I should also add that I'm currently in my first few weeks of sobriety, so that might be adding to things.

I'm not sharing all of the details, obviously. But I'm curious to hear if you all have any thoughts/suggestions. Am I overextending myself?
Absolutely take care of yourself, but I don't think L is being manipulative. L has been through a lot lately, and being alone is definitely not the ideal situation. I had a stay in the psych ward in June, and there is nothing that would have helped me afterwards more than friends to stay with and make me feel wanted. Being there for her is the best thing you can do, but you shouldn't do that at the expense of your own health.

Congrats on sobriety! :D That sounds like it could be a huge stressor as well, so... just remember to take care of yourself too?
 
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Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,029
Thought I'd give an update. My friend, let's call her "L", got out of the hospital yesterday. Last night I get a text right around midnight asking if she could stay the night, and that she didn't want to be alone. It was a surprise, but not really a problem. We didn't even hang out, really she literally just wanted to sleep at my place. Only real downside is that I'm sleepy at work today.

Another friend, let's call her "T" thinks that L is being manipulative. I'm not really sure I agree. I need to look out for my own mental health, I agree. But not wanting to be alone after such an experience is understandable. I feel T is just being protective of me. And we've both gone through some stuff with a very toxic person in the past. I should also add that I'm currently in my first few weeks of sobriety, so that might be adding to things.

I'm not sharing all of the details, obviously. But I'm curious to hear if you all have any thoughts/suggestions. Am I overextending myself?
Based on this information on it's own, I don't think I would agree that she is being manipulative. This was her first night alone since her self-harm went too far, and she may have felt uncomfortable in that loneliness or felt like she couldn't trust herself right away and wanted someone she could rely on nearby just in case. It's really hard to say, but I imagine she's exhausted and just needs a bit of time to get back to normal.

And congrats on the sobriety! I know that can be really difficult to maintain, but I'm sure you can do it! It is important to take care of your own health, and you should not feel like you 'have' to provide that space for her if you don't feel that you can. If you feel that you're overextending yourself, then you should acknowledge that as you know yourself and your own mental health better than anyone. It's wonderful to want to be there for friends who are having a hard time, but please take care of yourself as well!


Also, I want to point these out since the timer expired and they're up for grabs still. I haven't played the first game yet, but Psychonauts is an incredibly fun platformer that tackles mental health and disorders through the backdrop of a spy that dives into people's minds. It's one of my favorite games of all time, and I would seriously recommend that anyone who is somewhat interested jump on this giveaway as it's really worth it! Thank you for offering these Rosebud!
 

JaeCryo

Member
Nov 6, 2017
5,387
Thought I'd give an update. My friend, let's call her "L", got out of the hospital yesterday. Last night I get a text right around midnight asking if she could stay the night, and that she didn't want to be alone. It was a surprise, but not really a problem. We didn't even hang out, really she literally just wanted to sleep at my place. Only real downside is that I'm sleepy at work today.

Another friend, let's call her "T" thinks that L is being manipulative. I'm not really sure I agree. I need to look out for my own mental health, I agree. But not wanting to be alone after such an experience is understandable. I feel T is just being protective of me. And we've both gone through some stuff with a very toxic person in the past. I should also add that I'm currently in my first few weeks of sobriety, so that might be adding to things.

I'm not sharing all of the details, obviously. But I'm curious to hear if you all have any thoughts/suggestions. Am I overextending myself?
Seems fine to me in the context of just that situation. Ive been on both sides of that before and just sleeping for a night isn't asking for too much.

And congrats on the sobriety, the hardest part is behind you.
 

Protoman200X

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
2,973
N. Vancouver, BC, Canada
I always feel like I'm just background noise. There's a looming dread of me coming to terms that there's nothing special about me, and that I'm always falling behind in life. Everyone tells me I should be proud of who I am, and that I'm more than what I feel.

But I feel a sense of emptiness. I don't know what to do. :(
 

Monkey DTT

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
2,361
USA West Virginia
I always feel like I'm just background noise. There's a looming dread of me coming to terms that there's nothing special about me,and that I'm always falling behind in life. Everyone tells me I should be proud of who I am, and that I'm more than what I feel.

But I feel a sense of emptiness. I don't know what to do. :(
God if I feel this post so hard right now. I wish i had advice but im really struggling with the self-identity thing too. I hope you get some foundation you do matter even if you don't feel that way. But even if i don't have actual advice know at least you aren't alone.
 
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stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,462
Canada
I always feel like I'm just background noise. There's a looming dread of me coming to terms that there's nothing special about me, and that I'm always falling behind in life. Everyone tells me I should be proud of who I am, and that I'm more than what I feel.

But I feel a sense of emptiness. I don't know what to do. :(
Me too...

I want to just not wake up. Just die in my sleep.
 

bawjaws

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,211
Yesterday i had a very dark episode, i almost attempted to get myself banned and break relationships to isolate myself. I'm holding onto a lot, even when i think I'm sharing everything I'm not there's layers i won't let myself feel or allow. I have a long way to go but I think i get etika when he kept trying to ruin his life.

Sometimes it feels like having agency or failing by your own hand instead of letting life let you down feels like the only option. I'm still a mess, i feel okay now but its not where i want to be. I also learned i have had a problem where I'm really needing to talk to someone but I'm so afraid of being seen and it tends to throw myself into those spirals.

Not really a point just that's where i am, I'm still sitting on a lot i don't wish to share.... Which I hate that i can't fully do even to my own therapist. I need to learn to talk to people and seek that. Only thing that got me out was talking 1 and 1. Damn irony is I can't be fully open until I'm at my absolute limit
Hey buddy, just wanted to check in on you and see how you're getting on. Sounds like you're having a rough time right now, so hang in there. All of us in this thread are here if you need to talk, so please don't isolate yourself.
 

The Woods

The way out is through
Administrator
Oct 25, 2017
4,026
God if I feel this post so hard right now. I wish i had advice but im really struggling with the self-identity thing too. I hope you get some foundation you do matter even if you don't feel that way. But even if i don't have actual advice know at least you aren't alone.

Edit: im done im sorry i gave everyone so much trouble
You didn't give any of us any trouble, come and talk. I've sent you a PM.
 
OP
OP
Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,029
God if I feel this post so hard right now. I wish i had advice but im really struggling with the self-identity thing too. I hope you get some foundation you do matter even if you don't feel that way. But even if i don't have actual advice know at least you aren't alone.

Edit: im done im sorry i gave everyone so much trouble
I agree with The Woods, you haven't been any trouble at all. If anything, I've always enjoyed having you around here in the thread and the discord and I think you're incredible with the way that you try and help others while tackling your own problems. I know that it's hard to fight back against those feelings that are eating away at you right now, but we're always here for you
 

Monkey DTT

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
2,361
USA West Virginia
I agree with The Woods, you haven't been any trouble at all. If anything, I've always enjoyed having you around here in the thread and the discord and I think you're incredible with the way that you try and help others while tackling your own problems. I know that it's hard to fight back against those feelings that are eating away at you right now, but we're always here for you
I very much appreciate that
 

Djkhaled

Member
Oct 28, 2017
419
Well.... shit, I am pretty suicidal right now, I don't feel like anyone loves me, why would they? I have BPD, OCD, Complex PTSD, Aspergers, Anxiety disorder, Emetophobia an eating disorder and Depression...... who could love that? I'm 26 on a disability pension, i havent left my house since march. I am dangerously underweight. My girlfriend claims she loves me, maybe she does, but I dont believe anyone loves me. I wanted to kill myself last night but my BPD made me scared that she would leave me if I somehow failed because it would be too stressful for her to stay with me, so I forced myself to sleep so I stopped with the urges to kill myself.

I was abused by both my parents, my mother still mentally abuses me, but everyone in my family is in denial about it, one of my sisters used to agree that we were abused while my other sister always lived in denial, but as they got older they got closer to my mother and shes turned them into thinking it was in their head, no they are all obsessed with QAnon shit on facebook.

I live in a small aboriginal community in Australia, I am 8 hours away from a major city, there are no mental health services where I am, all I want to do is move but my gf wont move with me because of money issues, she also was sexually assaulted by her step-father when she was 15 and she wont get help, what happened fucks with her every day, i can tell its always playing on her mind, I cant force her to get help but, man, its not fair, I see a psych for my issues over skype and I hide how im feeling from her so she doesnt get stressed about my issues. But she doesnt try and do anything to help her problems so we go days where shes depressed and wont talk and I just have to hide how I am so i dont make it worse. its not fair that i try to get help and she will think of any excuse to not get help.

Does anyone know how I can beg her to get help? I have told her I will pay for it, I have said it the nicest way possible but theres always an excuse. It honestly is undoing my progress I make with my psych. It also doesnt help that she is the only one that knows I am diagnosed with BPD so she holds that over me by telling me I obsess over her and dont think rationally. She told me "ill get help when we move, i dont want to do it over skype" but told me she refuses to move for at least another 16 months so we can save, so 16 fucking months without her getting help.... its all a delaying tactic.

And I need to see a doctor, I am fairly certain I am having seizures but I dont want to be hospitalised. they treat mental health patients so badly in rural areas here whenever ive been admitted. I am so scared of being admitted I see my psych using a fake address so they can't involuntarily have me committed.

I know this was all rambling shit and i get if no one replies, but i needed to vent and hope someone cares about me, even if it is online and i dont know them.
 

Djkhaled

Member
Oct 28, 2017
419
Actually, you know what, I think I may just be done with being on this planet. I might just do it while im home alone.
 

GnarlyGunk

Member
Aug 7, 2019
68
I have an issue... regarding self harm.

I was introduced to cutting by an ex boyfriend because I saw the scars on his wrists and got curious as to what it could be. I never knew anyone who cut themselves so when he asked me to guess, my first guess wasn’t going to be that he cut himself. He explained to me the relief he gets from standing in front of the mirror and seeing blood drip and for the longest I didn’t know what he meant.

after the relationship ended, I resorted to self harm as a solution to how I’m feeling. It was my resort when I got sexually assaulted by a best friend whom I’ve trusted for 6 years, early last year and I’ve recently gotten back into cutting due to mental & emotional stress from my relationship and my job.

my current boyfriend is doing the utmost in trying to get me to find alternatives to cutting, but his only suggestion is for me to talk things out but it’s never that easy. My manager at work suggested I try weed or alcohol and I tried weed & the second time around I got a really bad high and ended up cutting myself while intoxicated. (I used to smoke before so no I’m not fully new to the idea of weed)

my question at the end of all this is that my boyfriend would love for me to talk to him when I want to self harm, whether it‘d be cutting or now, punching furniture to where my knuckles are bruised. but I can never talk to him because it’s harder for me to since he doesn’t know why inflicting pain upon myself is my outlet. I can’t exactly put my finger on it myself, and maybe hopefully those who have self harmed in the past can help me help others understand why I choose that route to go down instead of just talking to someone.

Usually when I cut, I do it for two reasons:
- I’m emotionally overwhelmed and can’t stop crying so I cut to focus on the pain and it helps stop the tears
-I can’t cry and cutting helps me release the tears

our plan is for me to go to therapy come October but I fear that because of my last two Unhappy experiences with therapy, I will just stop going and my relationship will deteriorate because I can’t mentally fix myself ...

If anyone wants to reach out in detail through message, that’s more than ok. 😓