Mental Health Era |OT2| Community and Understanding

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,362
Canada
im unfortunately still alive


i'm doing about a litre of whiskey every couple days and i can get it to one litre a day i can numb myself enough to probably just jump off a building or bridge and skip the rope
 
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MisterLuffy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
247
So I just found out yesterday that the store I work at will soon close at July. I kind of knew this was coming due to other stores closing in other areas, it was just a matter of when. I'm not angry since it's going to force me to look else where for a job and I've been wanting to leave that place for a while. I'm just angry that I have been lazy and unproductive on days where I could actually study. I haven't been studying coding because I lack determination and strive to seek knowledge. I can't get myself interested in programming. If I can't seek knowledge on programming due to laziness and lack of motivation, then how am I going to get a decent job? I hate myself for being lazy, unproductive, and having low self-esteem.
 

Kokonoe

The Fallen
Oct 26, 2017
7,323
im unfortunately still alive


i'm doing about a litre of whiskey every couple days and i can get it to one litre a day i can numb myself enough to probably just jump off a building or bridge and skip the rope
That's good you're still alive. Keep on living! You're awesome!
 

Evil Monkey DTT

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
1,770
USA West Virginia
You’re not pathetic, worthless, or stupid. Clumsy maybe but nothing else.
Lol not literally dropping things although i am clumsy. I stopped drawing and exercising and i keep beating myself up which makes it harder to go back. I can't turn off the damn switch and be nicer to myself. I started drawing so I could learn to be kind to myself and now I've set it down so long I keep beating myself up for not making improvements. It's a cycle that just snowballs me. Thank you for your kind words.

I wish I had advice for us. Just want you to know I feel exactly the same way, so you are not alone.
If I could hug you I would. Fuck this pain of ours
 

The Woods

ache for a spill
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
3,676
It's nice to hear from you stan_marsh.
Lol not literally dropping things although i am clumsy. I stopped drawing and exercising and i keep beating myself up which makes it harder to go back. I can't turn off the damn switch and be nicer to myself. I started drawing so I could learn to be kind to myself and now I've set it down so long I keep beating myself up for not making improvements. It's a cycle that just snowballs me. Thank you for your kind words.
It's tough, it took me a long time to learn to be kinder and more gentle with myself and I have moments I still feel like i'm not making progress, just treating water, or generally worthless, but i'm getting better at challenging them. It's a skill. Though a tough cycle to get trapped in, for sure.
So I just found out yesterday that the store I work at will soon close at July. I kind of knew this was coming due to other stores closing in other areas, it was just a matter of when. I'm not angry since it's going to force me to look else where for a job and I've been wanting to leave that place for a while. I'm just angry that I have been lazy and unproductive on days where I could actually study. I haven't been studying coding because I lack determination and strive to seek knowledge. I can't get myself interested in programming. If I can't seek knowledge on programming due to laziness and lack of motivation, then how am I going to get a decent job? I hate myself for being lazy, unproductive, and having low self-esteem.
I'm sorry to hear about you losing this job, I know you've always really disliked it, but sometimes that comfort and stability a job offers is nice and can keep us in a crummy job longer than it probably should. I was going to ask if programming is really for you, as you've spoken about it for awhile and don't seem to be too passionate about it, but I think a better question would be have you spoken to a doctor about the difficulty you're having, or ever discussed medications with a doctor/psychiatrist? Don't worry about answering that if it's too personal, but given everything you've shared with us I think it would be a beneficial conversation to have, as it sounds like the little boost and emotional balance that medications may provide could give you a little bit of help in taking other steps towards improving things. It's not a fix, but can be a tool, and if therapy, counselling, or even group programs are available to you, i'd look into and pursue those. It sounds like cognitive behavioural therapy (or CBT) specifically may be quite helpful.
 
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Astral

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,177
Lol not literally dropping things although i am clumsy. I stopped drawing and exercising and i keep beating myself up which makes it harder to go back. I can't turn off the damn switch and be nicer to myself. I started drawing so I could learn to be kind to myself and now I've set it down so long I keep beating myself up for not making improvements. It's a cycle that just snowballs me. Thank you for your kind words.


If I could hug you I would. Fuck this pain of ours
Oh not literally lmao. I’ve had some really bad days where I would literally drop and spill shit frequently and feel absolutely terrible and useless for it so I thought it was a similar case lol. Have you tried picking those two things up slowly? Maybe start with one first, like draw a single picture one day. Then another the next day, etc. just to see how you feel afterwards. I imagine it’s kinda to pick it all back up all at once after dropping it but it could be easier to slowly and gradually pick up the pieces. Before you know it, the mess may be gone. You might make another one but at least you’ll know that it doesn’t have to be permanent.
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,538
London
Even though I want to be a web dev in future I'm just going to quit my CS course and try applying somewhere else. A change of environment might do me good. The loneliness literally hurts, I have 0 friends and seemingly, nobody is interested in talking to me much so I don't think there's any point in trying. I try contributing stuff to conversations and I get sidelined every time. It's like I don't exist. I'm just gonna be a quitter my whole life, aren't I? I'm 26 and have never held a job for longer than a year. I'm a pathetic loser. Have therapy on Wednesday let's see what they say. Ironically at my last job my social life was BETTER than it is now, like what the fuck. I didn't enjoy it nor was I happy or particularly close with anyone but we kinda bonded over mutual complaints about how crummy the place was. Turns out it took merely 3 months to again destroy any sense that I'm making any kind of progress.
 
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HououinKyouma

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,917
Man, this year....

Starting abruptly in late January, I've been dealing with some extreme pain. My doctor can't figure out what's wrong and I'm losing more and more hope with each day (really hope one of these tests can find something).

I've already been dealing with (hidden) depression and anxiety, having apartment problems, and now I'm even having some serious problems at work. It's just becoming so hard to balance everything. It's like some vicious cycle that I can't seem to break out of.

About 10 minutes ago I was just bringing in a case of water - and I absolutely lost it. I started balling my eyes out; more-so than I ever have before. I think everything just caught up to me at once. Life is a blur right now.

I'm trying to be positive, telling myself to worry only about what I can control, but it's just so damn tough. Really can't wait for the end of winter.
 

Wilsongt

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,318
I guess it should be a little concerning that lately when I start to feel depressed, that I begin to think that maybe I should get my affairs in order because my mind just immediately goes to wishing I were dead.

Ah well.
 

Yagyujubei

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,124
in hell
I have been thinking that reincarnation is my best and only bet. Being the way I am now I am not going far in life. And when you look at nature everything recycles. Birth life death. An endless circle. If one life ends another begins. Maybe in my next life I’ll fall in love, I’ll be able to be good at someone. I won’t have a soul sucking job. I might be intelligent and an interesting person that someone might want to be with. I know that it’s a roll of the dice and I could be worse off than I am.

A friend of a friend of mine got married to his boyfriend last week. Yeah I am happy for them but I realized how shit I am as a human being. My friend made me download coffee and bagel which I used for a week and I know I am definitely not right for anyone there. Seems like everyone is getting a masters or PHD and around 20 years old.

Suicide is an ugly word. It shouldn’t be. Sometimes people like me shouldn’t exist. Mentally it’s quite unfair to live a life that one is forced to live.

I kind of picture what my next life would be but I know it probably won’t be that way. I’ve been reading and watching videos on reincarnation. Knowing my luck I will fail in my attempt and be back here.

I wrote a list of stuff I will miss and stuff that pains me in life. Sucks to like anyone who doesn’t want you at all but that’s the way I am made. I’m the awful guy.
 

Evil Monkey DTT

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
1,770
USA West Virginia
It's tough, it took me a long time to learn to be kinder and more gentle with myself and I have moments I still feel like i'm not making progress, just treating water, or generally worthless, but i'm getting better at challenging them. It's a skill. Though a tough cycle to get trapped in, for sure.
It's going against every instinct and impulse I have, I feel like an imposter for trying even. I'm glad to hear through practice you've done it though, that its possible to pull through. Like yeah moments will always be there, I'm not expecting miracles. Truthfully I keep wondering if even can get better or if i deserve to, but again it's the same all consuming shit. I think truthfully I went really be able to start until I'm out of here because I'm still under abusive family... but I'm tryin.

Oh not literally lmao. I’ve had some really bad days where I would literally drop and spill shit frequently and feel absolutely terrible and useless for it so I thought it was a similar case lol. Have you tried picking those two things up slowly? Maybe start with one first, like draw a single picture one day. Then another the next day, etc. just to see how you feel afterwards. I imagine it’s kinda to pick it all back up all at once after dropping it but it could be easier to slowly and gradually pick up the pieces. Before you know it, the mess may be gone. You might make another one but at least you’ll know that it doesn’t have to be permanent.
Friend I will say I fully know what you mean with being clumsy, when I served food to the homeless I ended up dropping an entire meal and spilling it on the floor. Lol, no one was mad but that was donated food, I ended up reimbursing them so no harm no foul. But I get these like, random jolts that make me knock over shit or drop something, I've never told a doctor because it's rare enough I dont remember too but like I completely feel you

That's also probably really good advice, maybe I need to try smaller and just focus on one thing. I'm gonna give that a shot.

im unfortunately still alive


i'm doing about a litre of whiskey every couple days and i can get it to one litre a day i can numb myself enough to probably just jump off a building or bridge and skip the rope
I dont have a lot to say but stan you are actively in my mind and I'm rooting for you. Any time you want to talk or rant or whatever message me, I'll always appreciate what you let me do.
 

higemaru

Member
Nov 30, 2017
1,276
So, I just learned about rejection sensitive dysphoria and how it ties into ADHD. Looking through it, I really feel like this is what has been affecting me my whole life and not anything else that has been suggested. It would really explain why my depression and anxiety are so temperamental and not as extreme as other cases, but specifically triggered by certain things.

I’m not officially diagnosed with anything, but I’m going to see my therapist in a week to ask him about it. Is rejection sensitive dysphoria a widely known or accepted phenomenon? I don’t want to walk in and be like “I have this quack diagnosis that I think sounds really accurate”
 

SweetVermouth

Member
Mar 5, 2018
3,343
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

I've had a really bad time the last 2 days. Does anyone have a solution for calming yourself down? I'm panicking and I try to forget about it by drinking and I know I shouldn't maybe but I can't stand this. Convincing yourself that it's gonna be alright only takes you so far...
 

MisterLuffy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
247
I'm sorry to hear about you losing this job, I know you've always really disliked it, but sometimes that comfort and stability a job offers is nice and can keep us in a crummy job longer than it probably should. I was going to ask if programming is really for you, as you've spoken about it for awhile and don't seem to be too passionate about it, but I think a better question would be have you spoken to a doctor about the difficulty you're having, or ever discussed medications with a doctor/psychiatrist? Don't worry about answering that if it's too personal, but given everything you've shared with us I think it would be a beneficial conversation to have, as it sounds like the little boost and emotional balance that medications may provide could give you a little bit of help in taking other steps towards improving things. It's not a fix, but can be a tool, and if therapy, counselling, or even group programs are available to you, i'd look into and pursue those. It sounds like cognitive behavioural therapy (or CBT) specifically may be quite helpful.
I don't think programming is for me, answering coding questions takes me a while to figure out. Most of the time I gave up because it was hard. What sucks is that I had to answer three questions, each under 15 minutes, in my technical interview for the app academy course that I wanted to enroll in. Unfortunately, I didn't answer all of them. Then they gave me homework to do in order to be ready for another techical interview. It was just as hard or even harder than the technical interview questions. So I had to look up for answers and turn it in because of the due date. I get a call from one of the app academy lady telling me that I didn't do so well. Which I expected, then felt defeated. This was a year or two years ago? I don't remember. When I was at college, a friend of mine showed me the office where they had counseling. This was back in 2014. That was at the time when I was depressed. At one point during counseling, the couselor suggested me to take medication for my depression. But I said I no. I've been going there for about 3-4 years whenever I have the time. Now I don't go to any therapies, counseling, or any other programs. I like to keep this to myself, to be honest.
 

Spinluck

Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
5,990
Florida
Hey everyone, vent if you need to vent. I have been having a tough time lately but it feels like no one really wants to sit down and listen to anything I have to say... Or maybe I just have a lot to say and no time.

Anyway, I'll post more about it later, I just feel overwhelmed, which sucks because I actually have a lot I going for me right now. And I am fighting not to sink back into that downward spiral.
 
Oct 25, 2017
872
A thousand begging your pardons from the fine folk here as I know the subject matter here and this particular affliction do not always correlate, but a well regarded colleague whom I deal with regularly is a victim of semi-regular seizures, is there a similar OT here where I can talk to and ask questions of people with these ailments?

Thank you in advance.
 

kowhai

Member
Oct 27, 2017
119
Aotearoa New Zealand
Is anyone still awake.

I need someone to speak to. Got to that stage where all I can think of is offing myself. Took too many pills as well.

TBH I'm a bit of a wreck.
 

The Woods

ache for a spill
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
3,676
Is anyone still awake.

I need someone to speak to. Got to that stage where all I can think of is offing myself. Took too many pills as well.

TBH I'm a bit of a wreck.
If you ever feel like you're having a difficult time or in or even reaching an emotional crisis i'd always urge you to call a crisis line (or text line, they are available in some regions too!). It doesn't have to be specifically when you are feeling like you might be a danger to yourself, but even used to prevent reaching that point. You can find a list of numbers for New Zealand here, https://www.health.govt.nz/your-health/services-and-support/health-care-services/mental-health-services/crisis-assessment-teams. I hope you're feeling better today, and you're welcome to share and let us know what's going on.
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,538
London
Loneliness whilst surrounded by people is worse than actually being alone. It's the kind of hell where you see other people enjoying themselves and talking to each other, and realizing you don't belong. That you will never fit in.
 

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,362
Canada
when you try to get professional help and nobody fucking cares

giving myself a few months max

once the money goes, i'm done

there's no hope for me...
 

RoyalJCC

Member
Oct 27, 2017
302
My head is a mess. I don’t feel happy, i’m either sad or numb. I’m not living, i just don’t feel like it most of the times. I have no passions, i give up easily, i’m not ok. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why do I feel like crying often even though my life is ok? Everything is ok, why do I feel like this? I feel frustrated, i just want to live a day where I don’t feel like this.
 

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,362
Canada
My head is a mess. I don’t feel happy, i’m either sad or numb. I’m not living, i just don’t feel like it most of the times. I have no passions, i give up easily, i’m not ok. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why do I feel like crying often even though my life is ok? Everything is ok, why do I feel like this? I feel frustrated, i just want to live a day where I don’t feel like this.
me too ...

the weed and liquor are getting less and less effective too
 
OP
OP
Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,620
If it isn't too much trouble, I'd appreciate it if anyone could get back to me on the posts I made earlier in the thread.
The crisis lines are capable of calling the police on you, but they'll only do it in extreme situations where there are no other alternatives. There are people who meet every single one of those criteria, and don't have the police called on them even if they're completely honest about how they feel. They're there to work with you and help you figure out what steps you can take from where you are, and I really wouldn't recommend holding back on anything or else you might not get the proper help that you need. Please keep in mind that they are there to help you, and they always are. They aren't going to be looking to make things more difficult or stressful for you if they can help it.
 

kowhai

Member
Oct 27, 2017
119
Aotearoa New Zealand
Thank you for the supportive messages I got.

I feel that I am out of the danger zone. I've left a message with mental health services and hopefully my social worker will get in contact with me.
 

Tezz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,203
California, U.S.
Has anyone here played Zoe Quinn's Depression Quest? Because today I experienced one of the scenes in reality. I had a dental appointment, and was recommended a night guard because I've apparently been grinding my teeth due to stress. It felt bizarre hearing the dentist explain the problem. I was speechless for several seconds after she asked if I'd been doing anything stressful lately. I immediately recalled the scenario from the game, and couldn't stop thinking it. It didn't feel real.

The crisis lines are capable of calling the police on you, but they'll only do it in extreme situations where there are no other alternatives. There are people who meet every single one of those criteria, and don't have the police called on them even if they're completely honest about how they feel. They're there to work with you and help you figure out what steps you can take from where you are, and I really wouldn't recommend holding back on anything or else you might not get the proper help that you need. Please keep in mind that they are there to help you, and they always are. They aren't going to be looking to make things more difficult or stressful for you if they can help it.
Thank you very much for responding.

I ended up purchasing a VPN subscription after all, so I feel a lot less afraid of making contact.
 

wandering

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,012
Pacific Northwest
I don’t want to touch that stuff because I know what it might do to me. I need to keep my head clean during these times, as hard as it is... i have to.

But i admit i feel tempted. I’m just tired of feeling like this.
As someone who’s been down that route; don’t. You have the right idea by steering clear of such substances.

If I could rewind time to before I began drinking, even if it meant I’d still be jobless and directionless, I would.
 

Sub Boss

Member
Nov 14, 2017
9,963
good wishes to everyone.
I have a small doubt, recently when i start talk about depression (i try a little because im not used to outside therapy, i heard a lot the same phrase 'everybody always feels the same' and its starting to bother me, it comes from well intentioned people but also from others that have it but express themselves in very negative ways, like my mom says it and believes everyone feels as bad as her but i know its not true she still doesn't want to get any treatment and expresses her emotions in negative ways.or simply they say that to you and expect to get over it and its not that simple, feels a bit demeaning imo
Anyways i was wondering if someone has heard that phrase and what you think about it, maybe there is something im not seeing :^(
 

Evil Monkey DTT

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
1,770
USA West Virginia
This ones kinda weird, I have a bad virus. So I'm having alot of flashbacks of when my mom took care of me when I was sick. Now she didnt take care of me for over like, 16years of my life because she fell apart when I was like 12ish, not sure my timelines all fucked up.

But this is the first time I've been sick since she died, so even of she were here I'd be taking care of her, like no one unconditionally gives a shit. My time limit of leaving this apartment is the end of the month, no where near close. I'm actually too sick to hate myself I'm just missing her, who she used to be. I'm officially alone now, when I'm sick I'm not going to be taken care of I just have to survive.

And it's weird I've never had that for such a long time, I'm missing what I haven't had most of my life but it's all I think right now. I dont really have a point I'm just rambling. Rambling helps me think. Theres so many mountains I have to move both internally and external and I'm doing it alone. It's scary, not saying no one cares about me but ultimately I have to do this on my own.

I have to save up enough money on my own, understand how to function fully own my own, recover from my abuse on my own (yes I'm in therapy but it costs me alot of money and therapy alone isn't enough), I have debt to pay off on my own, I will not have any support in any of this. And on week where I'm sick I have to get my medicine, pay for my med Express visit, and have food eaten and continue all my responsibilities.

To anyone else this is normal, this is obvious and hell maybe it is but the thing where everything happened all at once. My mom died right when I started working on my trauma, when my grandmother dies (90 years old with cancer and emotionally abused me) I will be in my brother's basement with a job that pays me about 1200 a month (fees of insurance and retirement are taken out of my payments, plus taxes), plus student loan and car insurance fees plus life disasters that keep costing me money.... it's a fucking lot of pressure.

Half the time, hell more then half the time in having emotional flash backs which almost completely prevent me from doing anything productive and my self hatred sprials never cease, theres so much I have to do and I'm so weak.

I'm too sick to beat myself up and maybe that's why I can just look at the big picture and see what I have to do. I have alot of other thoughts I just can't share publically but I'm just.... I dont even know. Again thanks for letting me post here it does hell me to just get this out, hopefully one day I'll be one of people here that helps others but truthfully I'm just not very useful these days.
 

MathLx

Member
Oct 27, 2017
76
Hi. Me again.

I'm not feeling well at all.

I was doing a lot better for a while, then I heard some people talking about me behind my back.

I was deep into my depression a while ago, and I had difficulty maintaining healthy friendships. I often used what happened in my life to victimize myself, and even sometimes to manipulate my friends. I am not proud about that.

I've been in therapy for the past 7 months. I've made some progress. I have not used what happened to me like I used to before. I have healthy friendships.

But those people were talking about me as if I was still the same way as I was before. All the hard work I put into getting better didn't matter to them. What's even worse, they're saying that I did things that I didn't do. It's so easy to put the blame for something that happened on someone who can't defend himself.

And that hit me hard. It's like no matter how hard I work to get better, people don't care. I made mistakes and my mistakes now define me in their eyes.
 

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,362
Canada
i hate myself

such a waste of space and time I am

hopefully dead soon

I think I found a way to get the tools I need to end this misery
 
Jan 4, 2019
24
i hate myself

such a waste of space and time I am

hopefully dead soon

I think I found a way to get the tools I need to end this misery
I’m sorry you feel so low. You said you’d try to getting help for a few months and you need to try and do that. It sucks, it hurts, but you’ve started trying, might as well go as long as possible with a treatment.

Just hold on, keep going. Everybody here.
 
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SugarDave

Member
Oct 26, 2017
890
I'm finding myself tempted to start drinking. It's not something I've ever done with any kind of regularity, I'm 25 and probably only been drunk below 30 times (that might even be a generous figure), but as a reserved person I've always loved feeling my inhibitions get smashed and I'm beginning to feel like I need that sensation even when I don't have company at this point.

Being self-conscious about my parents obviously noticing and commenting on it is likely the only reason I haven't already gone ahead with it.
 

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,362
Canada
what sad peice of shit

imagien i had one real life friend to talk to. i wish but i dont desebre anyone im trash.
sometimes i wish i woul just get bannef rom here so mods can do me a favor.

this is all ia have and oncei get bannedi would probaky kill myself, dont be like me

you're stronger than me. im stepping stone. use me as an example of what not to be
 

Hazardous

Member
Oct 25, 2017
83
Kind of new to this so here goes. Over the last week someone who I considered one of my best friends tragically passed away, and I'm just having a hard time coping. We talked via text or voice almost every single day for as long as I can remember. I've been getting intense waves of pain for the last 24 hours and I cannot stop crying. I lost my Dad in a freak accident a year and a half ago and as much as that still hurts, he at least got to live his full life (he was 75 when he passed). My friend was the same age as me (26) and the thought of all his potential and love being lost to time is just destroying me right now. We used to joke about him always being a step ahead of me in life (his birthday is a few months ahead of mine) and every second that passes by now is another second that I become his age, until finally I pass him and start to become older than he ever will be. I feel guilty even being alive. Every breath I take hurts. He was here one second, and now he's gone. I just don't know what to do. I keep checking his Discord (his computer is still on) and sending messages to him because I can't accept that he's gone. I don't know how I'm going to get past this. I don't even know why I'm typing this because there is no cure for this kind of pain. I guess it's some vain attempt to understand and digest what happened. I don't know where to go from here.

EDIT: Was convinced to help make a thread in his memory. Gives a good understanding as to what kind of person he was not just to me but for so many others. https://www.resetera.com/threads/guardian-down-beloved-destinyera-sherpa-lucidmomentum-passes-away.104631/
 
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Shanaynay

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,219
I was already in a funk these past two weeks and then my gf of 3 years cheated on me
Ouch...hang in there buddy.

I'm finding myself tempted to start drinking. It's not something I've ever done with any kind of regularity, I'm 25 and probably only been drunk below 30 times (that might even be a generous figure), but as a reserved person I've always loved feeling my inhibitions get smashed and I'm beginning to feel like I need that sensation even when I don't have company at this point.

Being self-conscious about my parents obviously noticing and commenting on it is likely the only reason I haven't already gone ahead with it.
Don't start, I'm not in your shoes but I've a feeling if you got addicted to this it may end up bringing more problems than it would solve them.

what sad peice of shit

imagien i had one real life friend to talk to. i wish but i dont desebre anyone im trash.
sometimes i wish i woul just get bannef rom here so mods can do me a favor.

this is all ia have and oncei get bannedi would probaky kill myself, dont be like me

you're stronger than me. im stepping stone. use me as an example of what not to be
I'll use you as a stepping stone to get to you and lightly tap you on the back so you can keep fighting and hang in there, my Canadian brethren.

And to everyone else...please stay strong.

Hazardous : My condolences...I haven't been put in this situation but talking about it here and there should, hopefully, help you cope with it it's pretty obvious it won't stop hurting for quite a while and it's something you have to be ready to deal with. I'm sure there're many who went through the same ordeal...and could help you in these tough times ahead. Just keep your head together and if you feel any doubt or have to share anything don't hesitate to do so here.
 

Hjod

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
2,748
Behind my desk.
Kind of new to this so here goes. Over the last week someone who I considered one of my best friends tragically passed away, and I'm just having a hard time coping. We talked via text or voice almost every single day for as long as I can remember. I've been getting intense waves of pain for the last 24 hours and I cannot stop crying. I lost my Dad in a freak accident a year and a half ago and as much as that still hurts, he at least got to live his full life (he was 75 when he passed). My friend was the same age as me (26) and the thought of all his potential and love being lost to time is just destroying me right now. We used to joke about him always being a step ahead of me in life (his birthday is a few months ahead of mine) and every second that passes by now is another second that I become his age, until finally I pass him and start to become older than he ever will be. I feel guilty even being alive. Every breath I take hurts. He was here one second, and now he's gone. I just don't know what to do. I keep checking his Discord (his computer is still on) and sending messages to him because I can't accept that he's gone. I don't know how I'm going to get past this. I don't even know why I'm typing this because there is no cure for this kind of pain. I guess it's some vain attempt to understand and digest what happened. I don't know where to go from here.
It's going to be hard, but let yourself grieve, cry, be sad. Give it the time it needs, it's going to hurt for a long time friend, but you have to let your mind and body grieve. Talk with someone if you have to, keep sending him messages, there is nothing wrong with being sad, it's natural when tragic stuff like this happens.

If you need to talk anytime, send me a PM and I'll answer as soon as I can. Stay strong!
 

Yagyujubei

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,124
in hell
Would be nice to take a pill and be straight. sucks to have a crush on the new guy in the office. if anyone know of any good gay conversion therapies please dm me.
 

Yata

Member
Feb 1, 2019
408
Spain
Last week has been rough. Feel emptier than usual.

Thinking about asking in my next appointment next week for another psychiatrist. Want to start taking antidepressants but deeply afraid of becoming a pill-junkie at such a young age. I know most people have it rougher than me, though.
 

Eatin' Olives

Member
Oct 29, 2017
4,215
I've been feeling much better the past few months (after I finally managed to internalize to stop obsessing over dumb shit I can't control), but now I'm worried about whether or not it may be a bad idea to stop seeing my therapist. I just don't really feel like I need it anymore? It's been around 5 months of seeing her and I've learned a lot but the co-pay is expensive given my budget and I could definitely save that money.