Mental Health Era |OT2| Community and Understanding

Shanaynay

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,219
I've been feeling much better the past few months (after I finally managed to internalize to stop obsessing over dumb shit I can't control), but now I'm worried about whether or not it may be a bad idea to stop seeing my therapist. I just don't really feel like I need it anymore? It's been around 5 months of seeing her and I've learned a lot but the co-pay is expensive given my budget and I could definitely save that money.
To be on the safe side you could see them one last time and ask if it would be ok to stop seeing them.
 

LastLightLegacy

Avenger
Mar 10, 2019
25
I've suffered from schizophrenia for the past 11 years now. Audible, visual and even tactile hallucinations... I just wanted to say, hang in there if your going through something similar. It gets better. The first 4 years were terrible, and years 4-6 were the worst, After that, everything became slightly more bearable. Now I'm at the point where it doesn't even affect me anymore despite experiencing it all still. Trust me, I know you may feel weak or powerless (that goes with any medical condition), but you are stronger than you realize!

I said I wasn't completely out of the woods, and I'm not... but i'm almost back to living a normal life again.
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
2,719
Update time.

So for those who were following the last thread you will have seen parts of my journey over the last year so so. This post is just that conversation continued.

So... 4days ago I made the decision to essentially blow up my current lifestyle/living situation. Quit my job, bought a car and plan on driving out of town tomorrow. Of course I could and probably should have left today but I’m big on procrastination and also I promised a girl that I’d see her before I left town.

Of course said girl is also my roommate and the reason I am leaving town and to be honest I’m a chicken and don’t really want to see her in person. I’ve known her for about four months now we sort of dated for 2+ months without ever defining things as that (well actually that’s slightly up for debate but not overly important) So now I’m hiding out on top of a hill overlooking town waiting for a txt message that probably won’t come.

In short we fell in love but things are very complicated. I want more from her then she is able to give right now, she needs some space to work things out (which is fine). She is also the type of girl that has lots of guy friends all of whom want to bang her and that she’s spending time with a lot of these guy friends that she has willingly admitted to wanting/being willing to sleep with is something that I’m not handling very well.

She says I never messed up anything but all I know is that two weeks ago we were inseparable, then I had a neurotic moment said something hurtful and things have never been the same since and she’s been prioritising her other friendships. While that’s been happening I’ve been going a bit crazy and trying not to be toxic, had a mildly toxic moment 4 days ago and decided that leaving was for the best.

How is this related to Mental Health? Well for me turns out being in love has been a huge antidote against my worst impulses, having someone who I thought would love me no matter what was the most freeing thing in the world. So much of my depression is tied to feelings of self and worthlessness so the idea that you will never be worthless because you will always matter to at least one person who knows your every flaw is incredibly powerful.

I’m going to miss that, but the road is great for the lonely so I’m going to go travel for a while and see where I wind up.

Thanks for listening ERA
 

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,362
Canada
just let me fucking go to a doctor, give me a pill that will kill me.
assuming work keeps this slow, I'll be out a job end of year and forced to do what I have to do anyway

working cashier in 2019 im fucked online is destroying all businesses
 

Evil Monkey DTT

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
1,770
USA West Virginia
I'm sick of them fucking with my head, I'm sick of it. I get fucking triggered and I'm a fucking joke and I can't help it damn it. Fucking grandmother knows my brother wants to sell the furniture from my mom and literally hand rights signs im supposed to put around the apartment to claim her territory, and my brother is coming tomorrow to get the furniture to sell it.

So fucking everyone is mad at me for fucking existing and I'm panicking and everyone is making fun of me or trying to guilt me and my head fucking hurts. I'm a fucking fool and a tool to everyone god fucking damnit.

Edit: it actually went better than expected and I'm okay. I'm going to have to practice grey rocking but to be honest even though I struggle I think I'm actually getting stronger. Knock on wood but right now I do think I'm gonna be okay as long as I keep pushing to leave this state
 
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SugarDave

Member
Oct 26, 2017
890
It's becoming increasingly clear to me (although I really should have figured this out already) that anxiety is the far greater problem for me over the depression. When the former flares up it definitely makes the latter worse but outside of the occasional deep dive, I feel like I can manage the depression most days, and small activities like walking the dog are probably helping stave it off by getting me out of the house. The anxiety seems to be the biggest issue; I'm putting effort into all of these job applications and even allow myself to get excited by the prospect of hearing back, but in the event that I do, I immediately start looking for any possible way out of the situation. I'm supposed to have this group assessment tomorrow and I just keep telling myself to skip it for any reason that my brain can come up with.

I can't stand it.

I think I may need to return to a GP.
 

Phil32

Member
Oct 28, 2017
2,825
I'm going to stop talking about my issues. No one cares, and I don't care anymore. Fuck all of this. I'm done.
 

mrtastee

Member
Oct 29, 2017
439
I wish my brother didn't kill himself.
I've never felt this hopeless in my life.
I would have pleaded to just wait it out, wait out the struggle and the pain. To accept help.
It gets better, that's the best thing about the world we live in, things always change, you just need to go along with it and humble yourself as much as possible.
I miss him. It broke me and I don't want to get better a lot of the time.


I have to take a really good job in the same state where he died now and I just don't want to do it. I don't want to face anything, I just stubbornly want him back.
 

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,362
Canada
I'm going to stop talking about my issues. No one cares, and I don't care anymore. Fuck all of this. I'm done.
same, I have people who PM me to check up but the people who should be there IRL helping me get med (doctor and CAMH) don't give a fucking shit

i think my boss is giving me the sign I am getting fired soon.

that can only mean suicide is next.

i don't belong on this earth
 

mrtastee

Member
Oct 29, 2017
439
same, I have people who PM me to check up but the people who should be there IRL helping me get med (doctor and CAMH) don't give a fucking shit

i think my boss is giving me the sign I am getting fired soon.

that can only mean suicide is next.

i don't belong on this earth
Please look up distress tolerance techniques. They work. I know they work because it worked for me and my life was utter hell before learning them. These are tools that help.

Buy a DBT workbook on Amazon, its worth trying out, dont end your life, you can do it.
 

The Woods

ache for a spill
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
3,676
I'm going to stop talking about my issues. No one cares, and I don't care anymore. Fuck all of this. I'm done.
I care, Phil32. Lots of us do. I'd really like it if you kept sharing. I know not every post in here always gets a reply, but every post is always read and is heard, and many of us try our best to interact with everyone when we can. It's a difficult thing to balance our own mental health while also supporting others, i'm very happy to do it, as I know others are too, but know that just because some of us may be a bit quiet and are practising our own self-care, doesn't mean we're not here, reading about everyone else, and keeping you in our thoughts.

I'd love to hear more about how you've been doing :). I did catch the previous post before you edited it out, and I think you and I are in a bit of a similar boat lately.
Please look up distress tolerance techniques. They work. I know they work because it worked for me and my life was utter hell before learning them. These are tools that help.

Buy a DBT workbook on Amazon, its worth trying out, dont end your life, you can do it.
I found DBT work groups to be one of the most helpful programs for me to take in Mental Health. There are certainly lots of other great programs, and we all will respond differently to different works, and our journeys won't quite be the same, but i'd recommend DBT to most people.

And thanks you for keeping us updated jdstorm.
 

onlySpicySalsa

Avenger
May 29, 2018
263
Hey guys,
I need some help right now.
What is the US Suicide Number right now?
I will explain my situation later on but I need to calm down first.
Thanks.
 
OP
OP
Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,620
It's becoming increasingly clear to me (although I really should have figured this out already) that anxiety is the far greater problem for me over the depression. When the former flares up it definitely makes the latter worse but outside of the occasional deep dive, I feel like I can manage the depression most days, and small activities like walking the dog are probably helping stave it off by getting me out of the house. The anxiety seems to be the biggest issue; I'm putting effort into all of these job applications and even allow myself to get excited by the prospect of hearing back, but in the event that I do, I immediately start looking for any possible way out of the situation. I'm supposed to have this group assessment tomorrow and I just keep telling myself to skip it for any reason that my brain can come up with.

I can't stand it.

I think I may need to return to a GP.
Hey Dave, thank you for sharing this with us. I can definitely relate to a lot of the feelings of anxiety that you're going through, and I'm currently in the middle of hunting for a job myself so I know how much more difficult having anxiety can make that. Anxiety can manifest in quite a lot of different ways when it comes to approaching a job interview, what kind of thoughts do you usually have when you're trying to call them back or go to an interview?
 

SugarDave

Member
Oct 26, 2017
890
Hey Dave, thank you for sharing this with us. I can definitely relate to a lot of the feelings of anxiety that you're going through, and I'm currently in the middle of hunting for a job myself so I know how much more difficult having anxiety can make that. Anxiety can manifest in quite a lot of different ways when it comes to approaching a job interview, what kind of thoughts do you usually have when you're trying to call them back or go to an interview?
Well, I hate talking on the phone in general so that certainly doesn't help. I'm not sure if that's rooted in my employment history of contact centre roles or if it's just a personality thing but I almost have a fight or flight response when my phone rings. On the occasion I actually answer or call somebody back, the living room is laid out in such a fashion that I constantly pace around the coffee and dining tables in the shape of a number 8, and I involuntarily start holding my breath while the other person speaks meaning I need to become consciously aware of managing when I exhale. That's just the physical reaction I have with phone calls, but with interviews it's the mental battle of overcoming the thought that I'll inevitably do something to make myself look stupid. Sometimes it's not so much a specific thought like that but a general feeling of unease and since I'm a timorous person by nature, regardless of any mental health issues, my instincts tell me to remain in my comfort zone. All this in spite of the fact that most interviews I've had were fine and I know that most people don't care, or indeed don't even notice, when you make yourself look a tit.

Good luck with your own job search, by the way. :)
 

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,362
Canada
never mind. shouldnt have said anything.
I read it all...i honestly don't know what to say but I empathize with alot of what you said
everyday is a struggle to not hurt myself or just fuck off and leave everything..

keep posting

im sorry i cant help more i can barely keep myself together...im fucing drunk as fuck right now seems to be the only thing that numbs the pain
 
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MisterLuffy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
247
Today sucks, two guys came in to the store and stole a stack of levi jeans. They were right behind me and I didn't notice them at all. I hate this job, I dread the day that I have to work in another retail store. I don't want to work at retail stores or restaurants of any kind. My brothers and my cousins are doing their best by applying jobs based on their fields. Even though I have applied for software engineer positions, it's useless since I have no desire to learn of what's required for the job. I haven't been doing any projects nor research. I don't know what I want to do, I just don't want to work at a retail store again. I'm not happy with myself, wasted 4 years of college on a major that never clicked with me. I don't feel angry at this moment, but I'm disappointed with myself. I could do better, but I lack effort and motivation. I know I can't compare myself with others who are struggling a lot around the world, its just sucks to be me.
 

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,362
Canada
Today sucks, two guys came in to the store and stole a stack of levi jeans. They were right behind me and I didn't notice them at all. I hate this job, I dread the day that I have to work in another retail store. I don't want to work at retail stores or restaurants of any kind. My brothers and my cousins are doing their best by applying jobs based on their fields. Even though I have applied for software engineer positions, it's useless since I have no desire to learn of what's required for the job. I haven't been doing any projects nor research. I don't know what I want to do, I just don't want to work at a retail store again. I'm not happy with myself, wasted 4 years of college on a major that never clicked with me. I don't feel angry at this moment, but I'm disappointed with myself. I could do better, but I lack effort and motivation. I know I can't compare myself with others who are struggling a lot around the world, its just sucks to be me.
hey, working retail for a living here. if i miss two days im fucked for bills. im 30 in may
this shit is literally killing me

i hate that i fucked up TWO chances in college. Child and Youth work and Journalism (in fucking 2009 too, I could have gotten my foot in the start of twitter/insta boom but no im a fucking failure)

im tired of just getting by, im tired of livingg literally fucking day by day. im broke making minimum wage

i literally plan things out with no more than two weeks into the future.
i pre order and game and instantly tell myself "wonder if ill be alive to be play this" because honestly i nveer know when i am just going jump off a bridge and end this shit

i cant have a normal conversation with anyone, i'm so smart yet so dumb the only thing i am good at is being a piece of shit

i try to have conversations with people on here even via PM but i forget things, even their names . my brain is broken i try SO HARD. i tried being in Discord, i tried talking to people in real life. they look at me like im an idiot or something. i forget what they said in the previous sentence when they start the next.

im convinced im just broken

a could have been

and soon another suicide statistic

back to drinking and smoking weed until i pass the fuck out wish i could sleep forever
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
2,719
So... turns out I’m not doing so good. Actually that’s a lie. I’m doing awful, just awful. I miss my life that I just blew up, I miss my fake friends that would at least pretend to be nice to me.

I’m so lonely I installed Tinder and mostly I’m just swiping left wishing I had actual friends. Wishing I was still dating my best friend, just wishing I wasn’t alone and that I didn’t hate myself. Yet that’s all I can feel right now. Just numbness, bitterness and self loathing
 

MisterLuffy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
247
hey, working retail for a living here. if i miss two days im fucked for bills. im 30 in may
this shit is literally killing me

i hate that i fucked up TWO chances in college. Child and Youth work and Journalism (in fucking 2009 too, I could have gotten my foot in the start of twitter/insta boom but no im a fucking failure)

im tired of just getting by, im tired of livingg literally fucking day by day. im broke making minimum wage

i literally plan things out with no more than two weeks into the future.
i pre order and game and instantly tell myself "wonder if ill be alive to be play this" because honestly i nveer know when i am just going jump off a bridge and end this shit

i cant have a normal conversation with anyone, i'm so smart yet so dumb the only thing i am good at is being a piece of shit

i try to have conversations with people on here even via PM but i forget things, even their names . my brain is broken i try SO HARD. i tried being in Discord, i tried talking to people in real life. they look at me like im an idiot or something. i forget what they said in the previous sentence when they start the next.

im convinced im just broken

a could have been

and soon another suicide statistic

back to drinking and smoking weed until i pass the fuck out wish i could sleep forever
I'm in my late 20s and living with my family. I only work three days. If I had to rent an apartment that's expensive, I would have to open more days to work or, worse, get a second job which I don't want that to happen. I forget people's names too sometimes that I ask for their names again, but it's embarrassing to ask when you, for example, worked with them for a while. I do make mistakes at work which I took it pretty hard even though I need to understand that everyone makes mistakes. I love playing video games since its to get away from problems I currently have. Hang in there, man. I wish you the best, and please don't end your life.
 

onlySpicySalsa

Avenger
May 29, 2018
263
Today sucks, two guys came in to the store and stole a stack of levi jeans. They were right behind me and I didn't notice them at all. I hate this job, I dread the day that I have to work in another retail store. I don't want to work at retail stores or restaurants of any kind. My brothers and my cousins are doing their best by applying jobs based on their fields. Even though I have applied for software engineer positions, it's useless since I have no desire to learn of what's required for the job. I haven't been doing any projects nor research. I don't know what I want to do, I just don't want to work at a retail store again. I'm not happy with myself, wasted 4 years of college on a major that never clicked with me. I don't feel angry at this moment, but I'm disappointed with myself. I could do better, but I lack effort and motivation. I know I can't compare myself with others who are struggling a lot around the world, its just sucks to be me.
I know exactly how you feel. I am in the same situation but I majorly fucked up, like I am gonna become a second class citizen soon.(wont have access to federal assistance of any kind).
I am terrified of my future employment possibilities, retaliations, and I have no health insurance, so I am fucking on edge right.
I am not going to post my problem yet until it concludes but I am terrified right now.

The negligence of my mental health has come back to haunt me and I have to now accept the consequences (it is cruel but I also feel relieve to finally acknowledge that something is wrong with me). I need time to heal from this and try to live a happy life. No more holding myself up to an absurdly high standard and only do what I am capable of doing.
I know that I don't post a lot in ERA but I think I will start (and make some friends) and even though we don't know each other just know that I care about you all.
Thank you all so much for being here.
 

Phil32

Member
Oct 28, 2017
2,825
I care, Phil32. Lots of us do. I'd really like it if you kept sharing. I know not every post in here always gets a reply, but every post is always read and is heard, and many of us try our best to interact with everyone when we can. It's a difficult thing to balance our own mental health while also supporting others, i'm very happy to do it, as I know others are too, but know that just because some of us may be a bit quiet and are practising our own self-care, doesn't mean we're not here, reading about everyone else, and keeping you in our thoughts.

I'd love to hear more about how you've been doing :). I did catch the previous post before you edited it out, and I think you and I are in a bit of a similar boat lately.
Oh, I know. I was just in my emotional mind at the time, and I apologize for my previous post about no one caring. I know people do care, but I was just in a really bad state of mind. I appreciate this post regardless, and I appreciate Andrew Korenchkin asking me what was up, too. I apologize for not responding until now. Nevertheless, the past week was hard. I slept during odd hours, I played video games all night while not being productive anywhere else. I lost my therapist due to my own self-sabotage (not going, distance was too far, didn't like to park on the street, didn't want to go twice a week--once for group and once for individual therapy, etc.). I hadn't worked out in two weeks due to my depression, mania symptoms--and not the what I call the occasionally "good kind of mania" (which isn't a phrase I should, but it is high productivity and creativity--still unhealthy, though).

However, I've been more productive. I've gotten social again and hung out with a supportive friend while he was doing meal prep for the week. I want to go back to the gym this week to resume my workouts. I have also posted more to my blog, which is doing well enough for how much work I put into it. Things weren't all bad, and things are improving. As many can probably relate to, I just focus on the negative and end up in a spiral when I get into a bad state of mind. I think about my failings, the friends I've pushed away, the relationships I've never had, body image issues that stem from my anorexic days, and my low self-esteem and confidence from years of being told negative things from people throughout my early schooling years.
 

Sillution

Member
Oct 25, 2017
848
So I’ve tried two different anti depressants recently, Prozac and Paxil. Prozac while not as terrible was leaving a crappy side effect and Paxil kept making me want to end myself. So as of right now I haven’t been taking either one for the past week. Am I just stuck trying new meds till one clicks and works out where it doesn’t affect me anywhere?

Also being incredibly lonely lately and stressed out beyond belief hasn’t been helping my depression.
 

Phil32

Member
Oct 28, 2017
2,825
hey, working retail for a living here. if i miss two days im fucked for bills. im 30 in may
this shit is literally killing me

i hate that i fucked up TWO chances in college. Child and Youth work and Journalism (in fucking 2009 too, I could have gotten my foot in the start of twitter/insta boom but no im a fucking failure)

im tired of just getting by, im tired of livingg literally fucking day by day. im broke making minimum wage

i literally plan things out with no more than two weeks into the future.
i pre order and game and instantly tell myself "wonder if ill be alive to be play this" because honestly i nveer know when i am just going jump off a bridge and end this shit

i cant have a normal conversation with anyone, i'm so smart yet so dumb the only thing i am good at is being a piece of shit

i try to have conversations with people on here even via PM but i forget things, even their names . my brain is broken i try SO HARD. i tried being in Discord, i tried talking to people in real life. they look at me like im an idiot or something. i forget what they said in the previous sentence when they start the next.

im convinced im just broken

a could have been

and soon another suicide statistic

back to drinking and smoking weed until i pass the fuck out wish i could sleep forever
Hey stan. I can empathize with the college stuff. It took me many years to graduate--started in 2004, bipolar kicked in in 2006, finally graduated in 2017--and I have nothing to show for it except a pile of student loan debt and harassing phone calls for the one debt I don't have cleared from doing my final semester without any financial aid assistance whatsoever. I don't even have a job right now because I self-sabotage and am self-destructive.

At any rate, and I don't know if this will help you at all, but I enjoy your presence on the forums. It's great having you around, and I'm here if you ever want to vent about stuff to. If I don't respond quickly, it's not due to being disinterested or anything like that. I might be working through my own stuff or just away from the site. I tried to do Discord, too, but I guess it wasn't for me.
 

Z-Beat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,213
hey, working retail for a living here. if i miss two days im fucked for bills. im 30 in may
this shit is literally killing me

i hate that i fucked up TWO chances in college. Child and Youth work and Journalism (in fucking 2009 too, I could have gotten my foot in the start of twitter/insta boom but no im a fucking failure)

im tired of just getting by, im tired of livingg literally fucking day by day. im broke making minimum wage

i literally plan things out with no more than two weeks into the future.
i pre order and game and instantly tell myself "wonder if ill be alive to be play this" because honestly i nveer know when i am just going jump off a bridge and end this shit

i cant have a normal conversation with anyone, i'm so smart yet so dumb the only thing i am good at is being a piece of shit

i try to have conversations with people on here even via PM but i forget things, even their names . my brain is broken i try SO HARD. i tried being in Discord, i tried talking to people in real life. they look at me like im an idiot or something. i forget what they said in the previous sentence when they start the next.

im convinced im just broken

a could have been

and soon another suicide statistic

back to drinking and smoking weed until i pass the fuck out wish i could sleep forever
I know that feeling of feeling like you missed a chance. It's the life equivalent of being gridlocked in traffic. It feels terrible until you get to where you want to be. Looking off to a distant goal can make it worse, so I usually try to work on things in my immediate timeframe in the meantime. The smaller goals help me feel like I'm moving forward. I hope this helps you too. Don't give up.
 

Hey

Member
Feb 19, 2018
2,217
So I’ve tried two different anti depressants recently, Prozac and Paxil. Prozac while not as terrible was leaving a crappy side effect and Paxil kept making me want to end myself. So as of right now I haven’t been taking either one for the past week. Am I just stuck trying new meds till one clicks and works out where it doesn’t affect me anywhere?

Also being incredibly lonely lately and stressed out beyond belief hasn’t been helping my depression.
I have been alone for the past 3 months I learned how to handle it. Gym, classes ,sleep,eat sleep. I get panic attacks sometimes feels like I'm going crazy since I rarely talk to anyone but rarely happens compared to before when I was medications panic attacks becomes 100× worse. Tho I wanna get back to medications I just can't socialize without them no matter what and I'm already bored of my daily routine. Will try them for few month see how it works then if not I guess will have to deal with it.
 

Yagyujubei

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,124
in hell
maybe life is like a video game. after spending 100s of hours on it you built your character with exp and powerful weapons then you die lose your game save and have to start from scratch. reincarnation must be like that i think. if i end my life now i just start back from the beginning with nothing and live a different life. maybe i might find i have a talent and maybe fall in love and marry. i know the saying the grass isnt always greener, but maybe in the next life i might find some sort of happiness. i guess i should be happy i dont have children. i dont want to pass on my faults and this world to them.
 

flare

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
639
Hey everyone, I hope that you're all doing okay. So this past weekend was harrowing... My brother lives in another city a few hours away, finishing up his undergrad (he's got a couple months left). He's been dealing with anxiety and depression for many years, but he's had them largely under control for the past few years - without the use of any medications.

For the last couple months he's been, on a weekly basis, smoking marijuana since it became legal to help cope with the stress (in working and studying full-time). This Saturday he took a couple hits with a friend and came home normal until a fairly normal trip turned incredibly bad. He called crying saying he was hearing a voice of himself that felt like another person and other hallucinations. Me and my sister left immediately after getting a friend of his near him to make his way there and keep him company (and we kept him on the line).

It was so surreal, I've never seen anyone like this before... I have some idea of what to do when it comes to physical injuries or passing out, but with this I was completely helpless. Thankfully, my sister works as a therapist for substance abuse cases and she was able to help him somewhat. We took him to emergency at a hospital and they got him in fairly quickly. Involuntary shakes, struggling with getting words out (he said the other 'person' didn't want him to say whatever he needed to), moments where he seemed unlike himself, and heavy breathing were just a few of the things that happened. I tried to keep him distracted talking about movies, games, stories so he could focus on me rather than whatever was happening in his head.

Eventually, after his blood tests came back clean, we got transferred to Psychiatric Emergency where his condition flared up and down (they gave him olanzapine a couple times to calm him down). A psychiatrist had a talk with him few hours after after which he seemed a lot calmer (he was worried he might have developed Schizophrenia and was probably compounding the anxiety with whatever was happening). We all discussed that this was likely a result of cannabis-induced-psychosis (looking up resources, I'm still not completely sure what it is - the last couple days are a blur), and that he would just need time, proper sleep and diet to recover. After notifying his profs and deferring the midterms he had this week, we brought him home with us, to be among family as he recovers (he was prescribed three additional olanzapine tablets that we've given him at night to sleep better). He's much better now as the anxiety of upcoming school assignments and midterms is delayed, plus he likes it here a lot more than where he's studying.

I guess, the point of all this was to kinda get it off my chest first. Second, I know he won't ever forget this - he already regrets that he even did cannabis, but I wonder how psychosis is with time? If his anxiety gets bad in the future, is it possible for the psychosis to reoccur? Or is possible that somethings could trigger it? If anyone has more resources I'd really appreciate it.

Wish you all the best!
 

HamsterDude

Banned
Oct 29, 2017
122
oh man I came here to vent about the same stuff I've been venting about the past two or three times I posted on here (it really bothers me) but yeah I see you guys's problems and I wish I had something great to say to help ya all out.

I'm gonna vent about my problem but I don't mean to take attention away from the posters above that I wish I had good advice to give them all.

Ok so I hate that my dream uh... well.. I mean .. it sucks a lot. I started project ~March Comes in Like a Hamster~ where I was posting daily development logs of the online game I was working on in the BYOND engine where players can make their own hamster character and fly airships and

once again all I got was hate messages of people saying to stay away from me and that I make them feel unsafe and that I got banned from all of the Hamtaro Discords,

and its all because of the guy that for 15 years has always made everyone hate me and like him instead. Two ladies that were my ex-girlfriend even told me that after he convinced them to stop liking me and be with him for awhile, he was a huge pervert to them and one of them told me that he seems to just get in the way of peoples' happiness and relationships.

I always got bullied in school. When I finally made a friend, a cool tomboy from a local anime/manga store, I introduced her to the guy that makes everyone hate me and like him instead for 15 years, and in less than a week he asked her sexual questions about masturbating. She told me it made her shake in fear offline, and when she saw me again at my ex-girlfriend's birthday party when I was dating my ex-girlfriend, she hid under the table the entire time and I was afraid it was because of that. She told me its best to find new friends. I wish he didn't start asking her sexual questions within a week that I introduced her to him. And my crush told me that she video chatted with him and he kept saying that he gets horny looking at her breasts.

Its all a set up!! My entire life got destroyed from him.. I wrote on Reddit about how I feel bad that people online make fun of people with autism, and once AGAIN someone on a new account copy and pasted a message that a different account wrote on a reddit post to me 13 days beforehand. I think its the guy that got me banned on the Hamtaro Discord that told me that he has "10 or 20 alts" and he said he can change his ip address and that he's always going to be around harassing me. I got his first 3 reddit accounts banned, but he keeps making new accounts and telling people to stay away from me.

Its all from the screenshots that the person I look up to posted. She said she was sorry for the past and I said no I'm the one that's sorry. I asked her if I could make a doujin about past her and past me (I later told her I change my mind and that I care about being friends with her present self and I don't really care about the past much, later on) and she told me that she's "Honored" that I asked her first before making it and that she personally thinks its a great idea. I told her that I would only show her it and that its completly optional if she looks at it.

I didn't know she would post screenshots of the doujin on her public Twitter account and show everyone it, and only after I originally made it be a comic about me and her as hamsters hanging out at a festival. She told me she "wasn't able to view it" which I assume meant she very thorouhgly looked through the entire comic but it was hard to see because her hamster character has yellow fur so I used a lot of yellow coloring pencils so it was really hard to see it well, but I wasn't sure what she meant. I didn't know she'd post a screenshot of my private message with my username on it, on her public Twitter and say that she has no idea what I'm talking about when I referred to the comic later on and she said that I'm "just...being....Delusional."

It all started when the guy that makes everyone hate me and like him instead for 15 years said "You know your ex-girlfriend? I told her that you drink beer on weekend nights and that you occasionally smoke weed and to stay the HELL away from you." I was sick at this point of him always constantly making everyone I like hate me and like him instead, so of course I immediately went to message her on Tumblr in year 2016. She responded back and we talked back and forth as friends for around a year and a half or two years.

The guy that makes everyone hate me and like him instead for 15 years, after saying many sexual jokes to her to me and also making sexual jokes about me when we play online games "because its funny watching me mess up in online games when he says it," even though he told me before that he just "uses me to play video games with" and he makes me unparty with him in towns in Final Fantasy 11 because he told me that he's too embarassed to let people know that we're friends,

He complained that "my girls" don't talk to him much and that 'my girls' are all wacky. He complained about that like two or three times (definetly three but I'm being generous.) I yelled at him, saying that they AREN'T "mine" and it doesn't matter at all to me what gender they are; they're people.

Later, when the person that I look up to a lot stopped talking to me and was suddenly blocking me a lot, and I wasn't sure why. She said it was because I was sending her over 500 direct messages a day (I was very jealous that she was Discord friends and Skype friends with the guy that makes everyone hate me and like him instead for 15 years who is my best friend I've ever had, I even wrote a poem before about how he's a huge jerk but he's like the only friend I had) and she only had a certain type of direct message available where it only let you type a small limited about of characters, so I had to send like 21+ messages just to say something that would normally be one message so that's why. Plus my crush literally sends me over 150 offline Steam messages a day. Plus my ex-girlfriend literally sent me so many swapnotes on 3DS I hit the 3,000 note limit quickly. So I know that friends usually send eachother tons of messages every day (if they aren't casual Discord friends like I kept asking her to be.) so that didn't make sense to me and I figure it was the guy that makes everyone hate me and like him instead for 15 years to not like me.

So two months later when talking to my best friend, the guy that makes everyone hate me and like him instead for 15 years, I tried to sound mean/rudeish like he always sounds to me and said "That kamen rider bish doesn't seem to talk to anyone unless they watch Kamen Rider too."

I wish she talked to me about what was bothering her instead of to him and to her public Twitter account (while including screenshots of my private messages to her with my username in it.) If you went into my tumblr account, you would see that at the same month that she was posting screenshots of my private messages with my online username on it on her public Twitter, she told me in Tumblr private messages that she "doesn't hate me" and she literally wrote "stop worrying that I hate you."

She eventually said "Don't you see...? I'm starting to hate you. It bothers me when you talk to me. Please stop." And I did.

Around 8 months later, I once again had three more nightmares of her and the guy that makes everyone hate me and like him instead for 15 years, hanging out together and me asking if I can come along and he told me that I can as long as I don't speak at all. In the car they laughed about Mega Man and I made a comment about Mega Man and he immediately turned back and said "DAMN IT, [HamsterDude,] I TOLD YOU we'd only bring you along if you shut your mouth!!"

So I checked her Twitter and that's when I saw for the first time that she has been posting over 10 different screenshots of my private messages to her, with my online username in it, on her public Twitter while calling me a "creepy stalker dude."

The very first screenshot she posted? It was a screenshot that the guy that makes everyone hate me and like him instead for 15 years sent her, of me making the whole "That kamen rider bish doesn't seem to talk to anyone unless they like that Kamen Rider show" and she wrote on that twitter post that it means that I am going around trying as hard as I can to make all of her friends hate her. And people commented saying how horrible I am and telling her that she should change her brand name but that'd be horrible to do just because of me. After that she kept posting screenshots of me.

My friend talked to her, and he showed me a screenshot of her sending him screenshots of me while saying "Let's see what other fun screenshots I have of [HamsterDude]..." and she kept sending him screenshots of my private messages to her.

And she wrote on her Twitter and her girlfriend too that I'm slandaring her to her friends. I don't remember slandering her!!!

And then her girlfriend suddenly messaged me out of the blue on Tumblr saying that she keeps reading all of my Reddit posts and social media posts and doesn't like that I've been talking about this (even though I did not at all reveal who it is that I am talking about, I kept their identities anonymous) and she told me to "Die." and that she wishes I was dead and she told me to "get it through my head" that I'm "the bad guy" and she copied and pasted the phrases "You're a terrible person." and "You're a bad person." to me a bunch of times.

Her girlfriend told me twice that I can "vent to her as much as I want to, as long as I leave her girlfriend alone."

I didn't want to bother her girlfriend, but I kept feeling bad so like two or 3 months later I finally messaged her girlfriend to vent about this, and I later noticed that the person that I look up to posted on her Twitter "THE CREEPY STALKER DUDE IS SAYING REALLY WEIRD STUFF ABOUT ME TO MY GIRLFRIEND AND TIS MAKES ME VERY, VERY ANGRY!!!!!!!"

But her girlfriend was the one that messaged me first and I only said stuff to her because her gf literally told me twice that I can "vent to her as much as I want to, as long as I leave [the person that I looked up to a lot that posted the screenshots of me] alone."

Ok so now every time that I get over this I can't because the troll/hater that got me banned from the Hamtaro Discords and other fandom discords and mental health discords and he keeps replying to all of my reddit posts, even when I make an alt account he finds it and links people to my main account and stuff.

And the stuff they said on Reddit isn't true. They said I sent a sex story to someone that is a minor or a young teen. The person that posted the screenshots of me is literally 27 years old. I first met her over 15 years ago at a Hamtaro message board and we were both admins there but anyways. And I asked the lady after she couldn't see the comic, "does a doujin mean a hentai comic or story?? I just watched a Gintama anime episode called How to Hide your Porno Mags and Shinpatchi had this lewd manga that he kept calling a doujin and idk what it means and I don't trust wikipedia I wanna hear from you what it is." I asked a Discord and I took screenshots too but people on Discord told me that a doujin means "amateur porno story."

I FORCED myself to watch a porno and wrote her a sex story based on the horrible porno I watched (if you look at my browser history, you'd see that I really did..er..well I can't get into detail about it here, its too inappropriate.) and I wrote the person that I look up to a few sex stories based on the porno that I FORCED myself to watch just for her, because maybe the reason why she was blocking me over and over again without telling me why (this is before she finally told me to stop bothering her and I stopped contacting her besides the 12 page google document two and a half years ago) and that's the doujin that she posted a screenshot of on her public Twitter account with my online username in it. She said it's not out of context like I say it is. It is!!! She did not even include the part where I said that I HATE sexual stuff but I FORCED myself to watch a porno to try to make her a doujin about me and her since I took a risk and thought maybe the reason she was blocking me so much was because she remembered when we first talked again on Tumblr in year 2016 and I asked her if I could make a doujin about me and her and that she does not have to look at it at all and that I would only show her and only her it, and she responded to it saying that she's "honored" that I asked her beforehand and that she thinks its a great idea and,

like I keep saying over and over to everyone that talks to me about this I'M SO SICK OF TALKING ABOUT THIS, I REALLY AM, THIS ALL HAPPENED two and a half years ago,

but every time I post a YouTube video it gets over 22 thumbs downs and people replying saying that I'm "worst than Chris-chan" and on Reddit the troll/hater keeps posting on new accounts over and over again every time I make a thread that literally has nothing to do at all with any of this at all, they respond to my Reddit threads telling people to stay away from me and they bring up all of this up except they get the details wrong and say that I sent sex stories to a minor or young teenager and stalk them and all of this stuff (no, the person is 27 or 28 years old and I only did it after she gave me her consent to make a doujin about her and I literally asked her at least 11 times if a doujin means something sexual but she never responded to that question at all when writing back to my 500+ messages, she said I wrote too much and she can't read through it all and she never ended up answering that, and when she was blocking me I cried offline because it meant a lot that she said she's sorry about the past and I am too and I thought we were finally legit friends and I was desperate for her to be my casual Discord friend and I thought maybe there's like a 5% the reason she's blocking me over and over again without telling me why at all [until she finally told me that she's starting to hate me and that I'm bothering her and I did stop contacting her since then] is because she's waiting for me to make a good doujin about me and her like I asked her about in 2016 and she said its a great idea and that she's honored that I asked her first before making it, and

I WISH THE HATERS WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE

I had a huge mental break down on my website where I was posting daily development logs on my game because when I was finally working on my game, I was getting hate messages from the trolls/haters non-stop for 6 days straight non-stop in the morning, evening, and at night. No one told me they liked that I was working on an online game about online players flying airships as hamsters either. Instead if was people saying "stay away from me, he makes everyone feel unsafe and he was banned from the Hamtaro community because we digged into this person's twitter account and we saw her screenshots of him" but her screenshots really are out of context and I just wish she took down the screenshots of me from her Twitter.

Literally literally literally just etetjuoetiu *GIFs of Fry from Futurama freaking out* I HATE TALKING ABOUT THIS, but the haters/trolls literally kept bringing it up with every reddit post I made, I made a reddit post saying I was playing Team Fortress 2 and someone wrote that "if your child has autism, you aren't doing the right thing unless you burn your children alive in an oven and a gnome gives you a new child" they said in the 4chan TF2 server. I felt bad and posted on Reddit about it with a screenshot with my covering the usernames up with black paint. And in that thread, that's when like I said earlier on the hater/troll copy and pasted a message that another new account said 13 days beforehand about stay away from me because .. well I already said twice already.

I had a huge breakdown on my site about how I just wanted ~March to Come in like a Hamster~ which means working on my online hamster game every day, but my pscyhologist keeps telling me to give up on it or else the haters/trolls will keep coming after me and finally he told me it looks like he can't make me give up on it because ALL I WANT TO DO is make hamster games because I really love Hamtaro a lot and I want to make Hamtaro-inspired games,

but the haters keep writing on every thread I make on Reddit including my two other alt accounts all of that stuff about me but its out-of-context and I wish the person deleted the screenshots of my private messages to her that have my online username in it that are on her public Twitter that the hater/troll linked to the Hamtaro Discords and to other places I go to and

I have changed since then.

Also I forgot to mention that back when I was messaging her, I lived at my parents house and my dad started getting me 12 pack of beer for the first time and that was literally when I started drinking beer for the first time in my life. I started sending her crazyass messages that were very bad and telling her that its a "drunk message" and sending her lots of what I told her are "drunk messages." and now her girlfriend always tells me that she has "more than enough proof that I'm nothing but a drunk alcoholic." Ever since I moved out, I've very rarely been drinking. That was just back when I was first drinking and my dad kept telling me I was being out-of-control with drinking back then and such. But I'm different now and I go on walks and have a job and I'm independent now. Yet the haters keep thinking that I'm the same as I was in the past.

I'm SO DEPRESSED because all I want to do is make ~March Come in Like a Hamster~ as in post daily development logs of the online game I was working on about online players making their own hamster character and building clubhouses in trees and flying around on airships picking other players up, but all that happened was that I was getting hate messages for 6 days straight and people telling others to stay away from me.
 

Tezz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,203
California, U.S.
I can't do it. I have a VPN and a false zip code, but I can't force my finger to click the "start chat" button. It feels like trying to force myself to touch a live wire expecting to be shocked.

EDIT: I finally pressed it.
 
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Tezz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,203
California, U.S.
Something went wrong. I had to restart and I'm at the back of the queue again. I don't think I want to wait another 40 minutes.

Edit: It happened again. I'll try one more time.

Edit: Just one more time...
 
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OP
OP
Ketkat

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,620
Something went wrong. I had to restart and I'm at the back of the queue again. I don't think I want to wait another 40 minutes.

Edit: It happened again. I'll try one more time.

Edit: Just one more time...
Hey Tezz, I'm sorry to hear that you were having trouble with the chat lines. Would you like to talk about what's going on?
 

OniLinkPlus

Member
Oct 25, 2017
392
Therapist SUCKED. They were transphobic and conflated gender with sexual attraction, and they refused to believe that we might be DID/OSDD because it's "too rare". It's like 1 in 50 people according to the DSM! Not that rare! But when we started talking about endogenic systems (basically, non-trauma induced plurality), they nodded and said "yeah that sounds possible and reasonable". Which is amazing cause normally traumagenic systems are the ones people are more likely to believe exists. Holy crap we felt so invalidated. At least it was free through insurance?
 

Sillution

Member
Oct 25, 2017
848
Therapist SUCKED. They were transphobic and conflated gender with sexual attraction, and they refused to believe that we might be DID/OSDD because it's "too rare". It's like 1 in 50 people according to the DSM! Not that rare! But when we started talking about endogenic systems (basically, non-trauma induced plurality), they nodded and said "yeah that sounds possible and reasonable". Which is amazing cause normally traumagenic systems are the ones people are more likely to believe exists. Holy crap we felt so invalidated. At least it was free through insurance?
That is incredibly terrible to hear even therapists can be transphobic. I am so sorry you had to deal with that during your visit.
 

Evil Monkey DTT

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
1,770
USA West Virginia
Therapist SUCKED. They were transphobic and conflated gender with sexual attraction, and they refused to believe that we might be DID/OSDD because it's "too rare". It's like 1 in 50 people according to the DSM! Not that rare! But when we started talking about endogenic systems (basically, non-trauma induced plurality), they nodded and said "yeah that sounds possible and reasonable". Which is amazing cause normally traumagenic systems are the ones people are more likely to believe exists. Holy crap we felt so invalidated. At least it was free through insurance?
Holy shit, in the one place you're at your most vulnerable. My hearts out to you that's awful
 

RoyalJCC

Member
Oct 27, 2017
302
I don't want to bother anyone with my problems, but I just don't know what feel. I'm so damn conflicted.

Don't know whom to talk to.
 
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jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
2,719
So... I’m not doing ok. In fact I’m doing awful. I suppose it had been a long time coming but yesterday I broke, spent like an hour just crying in my car, yelling at the universe and asking anyone or anything for help.

I act like I’m this tough/cool wandering loner type but really I’m not, I’m sensitive and love hugs and more then anything else just want someone to value me enough not to let me push them away. Of course that hasn’t happened yet and why would it, people just want to use me they don’t actually give a shit and even the ones that are nice.

It’s just that everything hurts right now, but it’s oscillating between pain and numbness. I don’t know what I want or need right now, just that I need help
 

HamsterDude

Banned
Oct 29, 2017
122
I hope that you can find the help that you need, jdstorm!

Arrrrrrgh, I really hope that someone can help or say anything about my situation!!!! I walked around and I seemed to make everyone feel nervous and awkward.

I went to a self-advocacy group and everyone shaked my hand and told me I'm brave for getting out of bed every day and

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH CURSS THIS WOBBY TABLE MY MOM GAVE ME EVERYTHING KEEPS FALLING OFF and they gave me a box full of Nintendo DS iSpy games that my brother's ex-girlfriend bought for my Niece that aren't mine and I still don't have my Pokemon Go hat or gloves or a heavy jacket, instead they keep giving me boxes of junk that I don't want.

I WAS SOBER WHEN I WROTE THAT MESSAGE I HAVE BEEN SOBER EVER SINCE I MOVED OUT I KNOW I POSTED About why I'm depressed like 4 times on here but I REALLY WANT SOMEONE ON HERE TO PLS RESPOND TO ME I mentioned ResetEra two other places and they made fun of me and told me to go to 4chan instead but I did and just saw weird anime porn as always and instantly "noped" out. I'm really loyal to this place, I lurked back in the NeoGAF days before it ended up the creator was a scummy person and anyways.

I FEEL SO DEPRESSED ABOUT THIS!!!! I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANTED ~March to Come In like a Hamster~ to happen but then .. Well I already explained it like two or three times in my last post and I REALLY hope someone talks to me about this because I have literally no friends and

finally I unblocked the guy that makes everyone hate me and like him instead for 15 years to talk to him about this even though I had him blocked for two and a half years, but it says he's blocked me on Discord. I didn't want to talk to him about this anyways. And everyone calls me out as an attention whore and I vented about this on a mental health discord yesterday and they said someone is "Rawr XDing" and I didn't know what they meant and then I asked who is rawr XDing and then they said "you are." and then someone asked for Dank Memes on the autism mental health discord so I mentioned the Super Oddish stuff I came up with from my old fangames and then someone said "I'm just going to continue to lurk forever now." after I said that so I guess I scared anyone from talking on the autism mental health discord when all I was trying to do was respond to the guy asking for dank memes and

I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANT HELP!!!!

I WAS WORKING ON DAILY DEVELOPMENT LOGS ON ~March Comes In like a Hamster~ on my website EVERY DAY but then got attacked every morning, evening, and night by the trolls for 6 days in a row and had a mental break down on the ~March Comes In Like A Hamster~ site and

finally I had beer today because everyone keeps asking if I drink beer and I tell them I haven't been drinking beer for 3 or 4 days but no one ever believes me and

I REALLY NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! With the stuff that I wrote in the last post even though I wrote about it 3 other times before, I died and became a zombie ever since this happened two and a half years ago and I hate that when I finally got over it and posted screenshots (with the usernames tooken out) on Reddit on an alternative name of people making fun of people with autism saying they should be cooked in an oven and burned alive and I wrote that it makes me very sad that they wrote that on the 4chan Team Fortress 2 server I go on, and someone again replied linking to my main account and mentioning the out-of-context screenshots of my private messages to someone that they posted on their public Twitter account that also got me banned from both Hamtaro Discords, well

IDK BUT I REALLY NEED HELP I REALLY NEED HELP I REALLY NEED HELP and I don't trust resetera and tumblr and stuff they always attack me on there linking to livejournal and forum posts I made literally over 10 years ago and saying I make them feel "unsafe" and

IDK I hope someone on Resetera responds to the last post I made on here or the other mental health posts I made on here but its ok if not I just could really use the help from a Resetera'er.

I just finished watching 4 HunterxHunter episodes and some JoJo and Megalo Box episodes to catch up on Toonami and stuff and I just want help from ResetEra the one place that I lurk every day for new news and discussions but its ok if not and I always make people feel awkward and nervous.

I still remember when my brother invited me to a bonfire and I didn't say anything and when we got back, my brother's ex-girlfriend said "I HOPE YOU REALIZE you made EVERYONE AT THE BONFIRE feel EXTREMLY nervous and awkward!!!!!" and when my brother's ex-girlfriend came stumbling down the stairs with a nearly empty bottle of whisky and said "In your brother's eyes and mine, we both think that you're more immature and younger than your 3 year old niece." And my dad who literally drinks over 3 cups of scotch every night and burps like Barney from the Simpsons every single day, always says "Remember????" to me and keeps saying stuff to me like telling me about expiration dates and other obvious stuff and my brother's ex-girlfriend said "I'm going to get my hair dyed Aqua ... Do you know what color Aqua is???" But I do know what color that is and everyone thinks I'm dumb and I make everyone feel so nervous and awkward and that's because I'm a nervous and awkward person.

I went to the self-advocacy group and people shook my hand and said that I'm very brave for being so courageous and that it inspires them and people tell my dad that I'm such a gentlemen and they're proud of me. I don't want to be like what the person that posted the out-of-context screenshots of my private messages to her on her public Twitter say I am and everytime I get over it the troll/hater that said he "has 10 or 20 alt accounts" and can keep changing his ip address and he says he's going to keep harassing me, says I am.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh please give me advice but its perfectly ok if not its just that I always lurk on resetera and I want to make YouTube videos showing others the intelligent discussions people have here and I admire ResetEra a lot but its ok if not. I love you guys and I hope that you're having a nice day!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH I have no one to talk to so I tried to talk to my ex-best friend, the guy that makes everyone hate me and like him instead for 15 years who once again says he just "uses" me to play video games with and he tells me to unparty with him in online towns because he says he's "embarassed" to let people know that we're friends, and he makes sexual jokes about people we know to me, and when I introduce him to my friends he always sexualizes them and says its "funny watching me react when he makes sexual jokes about them," and whenever I messaged him he'd yell at me in caps saying he's either masturbating to my little pony hentai or having furry sex in Second Life no lie, and yet he talks to all of these people I know that he says he has a crush on and he doesn't seem to talk that way to them and

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH I feel so BAD!!!!! But yeah, have a nice day!

It will be ok... Please don't worry... You can have the courage to push through!!! If you're not a loser like me that should literally just kill himself now to make everyone happier and feel less nervous and awkward, it will be ok!!

Edit: Sorry, I may have gone a little bit overboard here. V_V;;
 
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ty_hot

Member
Dec 14, 2017
2,805
HamsterDude , stay away from the 15 years best friend and 4chan. Are you seeing a therapist? There is always someone to talk to, dont forget that.

OniLinkPlus that sucks. Isn't there a way you can find another therapist that is used to work with LGBT? Maybe ask around and you might find someone that can understand and respect you as you should be.
 

HamsterDude

Banned
Oct 29, 2017
122
HamsterDude , stay away from the 15 years best friend and 4chan. Are you seeing a therapist? There is always someone to talk to, dont forget that.
Yeah, and he ticked me off when I told him what was bothering me, then he just stared at me for like 5 seconds and said ".....And what do you want me to say to that?" I fired him a little while ago and am trying a new one, though. Thanks for responding ^^.
 

jdstorm

Member
Jan 6, 2018
2,719
Yeah, and he ticked me off when I told him what was bothering me, then he just stared at me for like 5 seconds and said ".....And what do you want me to say to that?" I fired him a little while ago and am trying a new one, though. Thanks for responding ^^.
Thanks for the encouragement. It meant a lot. Ps putting an @ at the start of the name like HamsterDude lets a person know you are responding.

I know it’s hard but you need to keep the toxic people cut out of your life. Don’t go back, they may be comfortable and familiar but they are a malevolent force who wish you harm. You are fighting hard enough and are doing well, you don’t need to waste time with people who don’t need to be part of your journey anymore
 

stan_marsh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,362
Canada
I envy you all that can even type out your feelings.
I am too far gone..

I just cut myself or hit myself because I can't put anything into words.

Whatever I'll be dead soon.

I will kill myself via
plastic bag + something to make me pass out + jump off building.

Just waiting until I get fired or decide to walk out.