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My Co-Worker says she's not Racist...

BlackFyre

BlackFyre

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,430
So there's an older Caucasian lady at work who gives her 2 cents on everything. We have a lot of women on our team and they are constantly talking about which male celebrity is hot etc...

I have noticed that this woman (let's call her Nancy) seems to never find non-caucasian people attractive.

Last year when the girls were talking about Crazy Rich Asian and the discussion centered around Henry Golding, Nancy said she didnt find him attractive at all.

I'm a straight guy but I'm not blind. To me Henry Golding is a good looking guy, asian or not, who cares.

So on friday, we are waiting for a meeting to begin and 2 of the younger girls start discussing an Indian movie called Ek Villain. The star of the movie is Sidarth Malhotra and they're gushing over this guy.
Nancy of course chimes in and asks to see a picture of this guy. One of them pulls out their phone and googles an image.
Nancy's reaction was: "Really? That's considered hot? I'd take Brad Pitt any day"
She noticed their reaction and says:
"I'm not racist. He's just not attractive."

This comment made me think hard about this lady. She tends to speak only to the caucasian guys on the team - old and young. With guys and girls of color she's short, rude and impatient.

Am I reading too much into this or does this sound like a subtle case of racism that someone is trying to stay under HR's radar.

Pic of this hideous mother$#%

Sid-wall.jpg
 
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Dali

Dali

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,184
I've never had to state or felt the need to state "I'm not racist" in my entire life.

Not finding other ethnicities attractive doesn't make you racist. Not treating other ethnicities with equal respect does.
 
Izzard

Izzard

Banned
Sep 21, 2018
4,606
Why don't you speak to other people she knows rather than a forum who doesn't know anything about her other than she's got the hots for Brad Pitt?
 

Deleted member 8861

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
10,564
Beauty standards generally favor Caucasian people (and Asian women I think?) so I think it'd be understandable if someone adopted those norms for their own baselines on beauty.
 
DiipuSurotu

DiipuSurotu

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
53,148
She sounds annoying, but as long as it doesn't impact work what I'm reading in the OP is kind of a non-issue IMO
 
Seirith

Seirith

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,311
Different people find different things attractive. I don't really find Brad Pitt attractive but I also don't find Henry Golding or Sidarth Malhotra attractive either, has nothing to do with race, they just aren't attractive to me.

If she is short/rude with non white people maybe she is racist but maybe she personally doesn't get along with those non white coworkers for another you don't know about?
 
Doc Kelso

Doc Kelso

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,157
NYC
It's not racist to not find an individual person attraction so long as said lack of attraction isn't attributed to their race. So in the example you gave, no. She was not racist for saying she did not find that man attractive.

As an example.
Racist: I don't think Idris Elba is hot because he's black.
Not racist: I don't think Idris Elba is hot for <any reason that doesn't have to do with him being black>.

You get close to incel-level thinking when you start to wonder if someone is racist because they aren't attracted to someone that isn't white. "They don't think I'm attractive because I'm asian..."
 
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LewieP

LewieP

Member
Oct 26, 2017
18,099
Sounds kinda racist but she probably doesn't see it as such.

I guess a follow up question would be to ask if there are any non-white celebrities that she does think are attractive.

Golding and Malhotra are dreamboats.

Could be that she doesn't approve of inter-racial relationships (which would be racist) or just generally thinks less of other races (which would be racist), but I don't really think the behaviour you've described would be grounds for any professional consequences.
 
plagiarize

plagiarize

It's not a loop. It's a spiral.
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
27,559
Cape Cod, MA
The only good test I've found for things like this is to see what happens when they find out someone they think is attractive isn't white. See if they find Duane Johnson or someone similar attractive and see if they know he's not black.
 
Joni

Joni

Member
Oct 27, 2017
19,508
Henry Golding isn't attractive, I'd read a lot more into how she treats people as you mention.
 
OP
OP
BlackFyre

BlackFyre

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,430
Tidus9000 said:
Was this as unprompted as you make it seem? because if so that's pretty racist that her mind jumped there.
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She seemed startled by the girls' "sure, whatever, lady" reaction and immediately responded with that. Who says "I'm not racist" in a meeting with 8 people at work with superiors and subordinates around you?
 
shadowkat

shadowkat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,903
I don't find Henry Golding attractive but I also have never found Brad Pitt attractive. It's not necessarily racist that she doesn't find him attractive but the "I'm not racist" bit is questionable.
 
Serif

Serif

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
3,794
The Doomed One said:
I thought using the word Caucasian is not allowed because it's racist


So I find it hilarious that OP os complaining about racism while being racist himself.
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Uh, no. For one, the article talks about how Caucasian was used in 'theories' of scientific racism to refer to White people as being a 'pure' race, so it's not even a word that's used against white people, and in the United States 'Caucasian' is still used to refer to white people. The OP is not being racist, lmao.
 
OP
OP
BlackFyre

BlackFyre

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,430
DiipuSurotu said:
She sounds annoying, but as long as it doesn't impact work what I'm reading in the OP is kind of a non-issue IMO
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This is what I'm trying to get at, and the point of this thread? If in my mind I label her as a racist, I don't how how it will impact my working relationship with her.

That's why I was asking if I'm reading too much into it.
 
TheMango55

TheMango55

Banned
Nov 1, 2017
5,788
I find "He's not as hot as Brad Pitt" to be a weird qualification to whether someone is attractive.

Like, fine the guy doesn't look as good as Pitt did in Troy, but nobody does.
 
The Doomed One

The Doomed One

Member
Nov 28, 2017
589
sunnpeace said:
Uh, no. For one, the article talks about how Caucasian was used in 'theories' of scientific racism to refer to White people as being a 'pure' race, so it's not even a word that's used against white people, and in the United States 'Caucasian' is still used to refer to white people. The OP is not being racist, lmao.
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That is only one of the articles, there are dozens on the same subject.
So, you're saying Americans cannot be racist because they use a racist word, but they are allowed to call other people racist just for not finding a specific Asian person attractive.
Insane.
 

cnorwood

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
3,345
People on this site will disagree with me but if you have racial preferences for attractiveness and dont find some races attractive at all you are probably some sort of racist
 
Serif

Serif

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
3,794
The Doomed One said:
That is only one of the articles, there are dozens on the same subject.
So, you're saying Americans cannot be racist because they use a racist word, but they are allowed to call other people racist just for not finding a specific Asian person attractive.
Insane.
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You're making a bunch of flying assumptions that have nothing to do with what I said.
 
NinjaScooter

NinjaScooter

Member
Oct 25, 2017
54,169
I would just stop talking to her about who she finds attractive, and anything non work related for that matter.
 
OP
OP
BlackFyre

BlackFyre

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,430
Royce said:
OP, go ask her this. I'm really curious as to who she'd name (if anyone).
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I already know.

Orlando Bloom, Brad Pitt, Chris Evans are the only ones I know for sure as I've heard her comment on them.

I've never heard her say anything good or bad about black males, only indian and asian guys.
 
Lebron

Lebron

Member
Oct 30, 2017
3,578
Stop talking to her. She sounds boring and uninteresting, regardless if she's a racist or not.
 
Serif

Serif

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
3,794
The Doomed One said:
So, the same as OP made a bunch of flying assumptions about his co-worker and decided to share that on the internet.
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Dude, I just said he wasn't racist for using the word 'Caucasian'. Without further context I have no idea if the lady in the post is racist or is defending her attraction preferences with awkward language. It just seems like you're trying to 'gotcha' the OP by pointing out that he used a common word in the US to refer to white people that literally no one is offended by. Out of all the reasons to point out why America is racist, using the word Caucasian is not one of them, lmao.
 
Wok

Wok

Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
3,258
France
BlackFyre said:
I have noticed that this woman (let's call her Nancy) seems to never find non-caucasian people attractive.
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What about Caucasian people?

BlackFyre said:
Nancy's reaction was: "Really? That's considered hot? I'd take Brad Pitt any day"
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The only example which you give is Brad Pitt, whom many people would find attractive.

Without any other example, it might just be that Nancy is a fan of Brad Pitt, and that she does not find any other people attractive (relatively to Brad Pitt).

Could you list all the people whom Nancy considers attractive?
 
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Futureman

Futureman

Member
Oct 26, 2017
9,405
I never get involved with stupid office drama like this. I would just ignore this lady and only talk to her if it were work related.
 

Deleted member 59339

User Requested Account Closure
Banned
Aug 19, 2019
2,840
Whether she's racist or not, I'm kinda creeped out by you keeping a mental index of who this woman finds attractive, with examples going back to last year, and then making a thread about it to talk about her. That's some weird behavior on your part.
 
Dali

Dali

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,184
crimzonflame said:
Yes it does.
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No it doesn't. If you find comfort in and are attracted to people that look like yourself then that doesn't mean you feel any race is superior to any other. That in itself is not why I think this lady is suspect. It's her jumping to "I'm not racist" and apparently being disrespectful to the non-white people at work.
 
FreeMufasa

FreeMufasa

Banned
Oct 31, 2017
1,375
I don't really take it as racist in itself but it usually comes with a few others gems like I don't listen to hip hop and calling some parts of town 'dirty' from there you just gotta connect the dots.

NinjaScooter said:
I would just stop talking to her about who she finds attractive, and anything non work related for that matter.
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This. As a straight dude I don't get why youre in them conversations in the first place
 
Surakian

Surakian

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
10,875
cnorwood said:
People on this site will disagree with me but if you have racial preferences for attractiveness and dont find some races attractive at all you are probably some sort of racist
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I agree with this. There are preferences and then there is a clear and unsettling prejudice against people of color.

Like if somebody finds Brad Pitt handsome but then similar features exhibited on actors of color = unattractive to this woman, she might be employing subconscious racial biases.

The fact that she said "I'm not racist" without being prompted or asked is a really telling sign that on some level she knows that her preferences for only white men and dislike of people of color are racially driven.

The fact that she acts mean and terse to people of color in the workplace is a huge red flag, though.

You have a right to speak your concerns to HR, too. Just tell them that you feel uncomfortable working with her due to certain personal things she's said in the workplace.
 
McScroggz

McScroggz

The Fallen
Jan 11, 2018
5,973
This is an interesting question. If somebody only finds people of their race attractive isn't that a sign of something deeper? The person may not hold any racist beliefs or anything, so calling them racist might be too blunt or abrasive, but it IS something.

And specifically for your example, when she's seen many examples including the ethnic guys that get somewhat close to general white guy hotness and their features and what they are wearing isn't emphasizing anything ethnically or culturally different, then it's fair to say she probably only finds white guys attractive.

And it's a shame because there are so many different beautiful women out there. I would be missing out if I only liked the white girls.
 
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Snake Eater

Snake Eater

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
11,385
What am I missing? The guy is good looking but he's not someone I'd think was even an actor

People can have their own opinions on looks
 
Delphine

Delphine

Fen'Harel Enansal
Administrator
Mar 30, 2018
3,658
France
Yeah, this is very likely old timey racist shenanigans at play here.

Although, it should be noted that I don't find any of the people mentioned in OP attractive to me either (Brad Pitt included). They are however, definitely beautiful and pretty people fitting the beauty standard, I'm just not attracted to them. However, give me Danny Pudi, Naveen Andrews, Taye Diggs or Gong Yoo and I'm game.
 
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