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My date ordered a $50 lobster and steak combo on our first meal. I'm kind of torn..

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MajulaDream

MajulaDream

Member
Oct 25, 2017
755
This was right after I had ordered an $18 Halibut..So yeah. I didn't say anything to her as I wanted to be polite, but ouch that's a punch to my wallet.

Tonight was our first dinner together and she didn't offer to help pay the bill either. To be fair she did offer me a piece, and also it is Valentines and I am the one who asked her out. She was excited about going out too..

I'm torn on why the sticker shock is bugging me, I keep thinking about it. I feel like the date was fun and she is incredible in a lot of ways and I find her attractive.. but I'm kinda feeling put off a bit too about it...

update: I paid for the bill. My concern isn't that I paid. I'm glad to do something nice for her.
My concern is I feel she wasn't considerate at all, and it is weighing on my mind. I'm sorting out my feelings right now. I find her attractive in many ways, but that was a big turn off :/
 
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Sly Chimera

Sly Chimera

Alt Account
Banned
Oct 29, 2017
1,643
User banned (3 days): Demeaning, misogynistic post and a history of similar behavior.
Did she offer you a piece of that ass though.
 

Loomies

Member
Oct 27, 2017
460
Why not go to a fast food place then. You should have known that before going to a mid-level restaurant. This reminds me of that Atlanta episode
 

Cybersai

Banned
Jan 8, 2018
11,631
It sounds to me like she might always do this. If she orders the most expensive meal the second date, she's probably not worth keeping.
 

Deleted member 35217

User requested account closure
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Dec 3, 2017
1,347
Bro you asked her out on Valentine's Day let her get the surf and turf. Take her to BK if you want to be a cheap ass.
 
Skel1ingt0n

Skel1ingt0n

Member
Oct 28, 2017
8,716
As someone who has dated women in all kinds of financial brackets before meeting my wife, I wouldn't look into it too much. It certainly stings if cash is tight, and yes, it may be a little inconsiderate to choose something more than twice the cost of yours (I hope she wouldn't do this, say, during a lunch interview with a potential employer). But, on the flip side - like you said - you asked her out, it's Valentine's Day, and it seems you both had a great time. Let's say she comes from money or makes great money in her career, and is used to a $50 meal for dinner. Maybe she treats going out as a "splurge" and in the rare cases she does go out, she gets what she wants. My point is: you can't assume she's taking you for a ride or being greedy - she very well may have ordered what she'd normally get, and just didn't put any more thought into it than that.

I'd argue it would feel worse if you guys were seriously dating and she knew your finances might be tight and did it anyway. But on a first date? I'd focus on the fact you had a good time and I would hope that you get another chance to spend time with her. Maybe in a few more dates, this can be a funny story you both share while you enjoy a Big Mac and some Netflix/Youtube videos at your place :)
 
Kotto

Kotto

CEO of Traphouse Networks
Member
Nov 3, 2017
4,466
She better be giving you Grade A attention and affection if you are willing to pay that. That's absurd on the first date.

You say she was excited though, so it should've been worth it.
 
CountAntonio

CountAntonio

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Oct 25, 2017
21,700
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BubbaKrumpz

BubbaKrumpz

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
3,400
Yay Area
Drop with the quickness. She ordering 50 bucks worth of food on a valentines date? Nah fam, that shit gonna go up and up. Before you know it she's gonna be preg0 and youre stuck feeding her Cheetos for the rest of your life.
 
BeeDog

BeeDog

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,549
Suck it up this time, and be a bit more up front the next time if you have any additional dates. Can't relate to how $50 can turn your world upside down.
 
Galkinator

Galkinator

Chicken Chaser
Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,944
Yeah, that's shitty.
I don't care what y'all are going to say, taking advantage of the dumb social rule that men pay on date #1 and ordering the most expensive dish(3 times as expensive as the OPs dish, wtf?) is stretching it and a really lame thing to do.
I would tread lightly with this girl.
 
ShortNasty

ShortNasty

Member
Dec 15, 2017
1,008
This shit ain't rocket science. Figure out how to communicate your discomfort to them. Otherwise must make sure you get the financials sorted out before hand next time. If you get pushback on it, then clearly this individual is not interested in meeting you a bit closer to your comfort level. In which case, they can be discarded and you can move on.
 
WascallyWabbit

WascallyWabbit

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,397
Skel1ingt0n said:
As someone who has dated women in all kinds of financial brackets before meeting my wife, I wouldn't look into it too much. It certainly stings if cash is tight, and yes, it may be a little inconsiderate to choose something more than twice the cost of yours (I hope she wouldn't do this, say, during a lunch interview with a potential employer). But, on the flip side - like you said - you asked her out, it's Valentine's Day, and it seems you both had a great time. Let's say she comes from money or makes great money in her career, and is used to a $50 meal for dinner. Maybe she treats going out as a "splurge" and in the rare cases she does go out, she gets what she wants. My point is: you can't assume she's taking you for a ride or being greedy - she very well may have ordered what she'd normally get, and just didn't put any more thought into it than that.

I'd argue it would feel worse if you guys were seriously dating and she knew your finances might be tight and did it anyway. But on a first date? I'd focus on the fact you had a good time and I would hope that you get another chance to spend time with her. Maybe in a few more dates, this can be a funny story you both share while you enjoy a Big Mac and some Netflix/Youtube videos at your place :)
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Smart answer
 

Timothy

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
110
Uh... yeah most people are going to say forgive her etc. But that's .... weird and shows she has little awareness. Maybe she didn't properly check the price or something?

Either way just be cautious next time with her as a person.
 
ahdurian

ahdurian

Member
Oct 25, 2017
928
so you asked her out on a date...and then on Valentines...
I don't see any rationale from your point why she should be paying even a portion
 

Deleted member 15326

User requested account closure
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Oct 27, 2017
4,219
Depending on your financials, being ready to drop 100+ on a first date is well within the realm of possibility

and you ate b
 

Marvelous

Member
Nov 3, 2017
347
If you invited her out with the intent to pay for dinner, then you should own up to that. If you wanted her to chip in with the bill, you should have suggested it. I'm guessing you didn't because you might feel that to be looked down upon.

If that type of equality is an important factor to you, then you should take it into consideration whether it's worth dating someone who doesn't agree with you when you do bring it up. I get it is typical courtesy to probably not order the most expensive thing on the menu at someone else's dime, but Valentine's Day is one of the biggest date holidays of the year. You can take a little bit of hit to the wallet for such a special occasion, and if you can't, then you shouldn't be taking a date somewhere you can't afford. If you disagree with her actions, you can take that into account whether you agree with her character as someone you're going to continue to date. It's up to you to decide what makes you happier.
 
Alice

Alice

Banned
Nov 2, 2017
5,867
Well... Did you enjoy the date, and do you like her?

If not, you could always have asked the waiter to split the bill. :P

But yeah, as others were saying, welcome to the risks of having a date on Valentine's Day with someone you don't know.
 
Plywood

Plywood

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Oct 25, 2017
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Alternatively, why not just live alone? Think of the savings.
 

Timothy

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
110
No wait I change my mind. She's probably no more than casual material. She didn't even offer. Fuck that.
 
BobLoblaw

BobLoblaw

This Guy Helps
Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,288
This meal's a drop in the bucket if it turns out to be a meaningful relationship. Perspective, man.
 
Kain-Nosgoth

Kain-Nosgoth

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,532
Switzerland
obviously, since you invited her, it's logical that you pay...

but i find it weird that she didn't offered to pay a bit or simply ordered something cheaper... you know, be considerate?

If someone invite me to the restaurent most of the time i will split... and if they really want to pay, i won't take something too expensive, at the very least i would ask if it's okay

But it's the first date so it's too quick to judge yet
 
Felt

Felt

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
3,210
Lol whatever cheapo. You invite someone, you pay. No matter their gender. If they offer to split that's nice but not expected.

Hopefully she will pay on the next date.
 

Deleted member 24550

Ac
Banned
Oct 29, 2017
2,398
Getting lobster on Valentine's for fifty bucks actually sounds like quite a deal. Over here all the prices skyrocket to something ridiculous.

But yeah going on your first date, dude pays and you choose the lobster, that sets off all of my golddigger alarms.
 
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