My father wants me to meet this girl...

[Brawly Likes to Brawl]

Or should I go on a date and do or say things that might turn her off? My boyfriend doesn't want me to go on a date with her.

Click to shrink...

No, this is a sitcom-tier idea. You best options seem to either tell your father you don't want to date her or tell the truth about your sexuality. And I would only choose the latter if you live far from him or are otherwise certain that his reaction won't escalate to violence. It's not an easy choice and I feel terrible that you're in this position.

 

[Nephtis]

Either tell your dad or simply decline the meetup. Do not just tell the girl - that's just going to cause problems.

 

[Ensorcell]

You're 35 and based on your description living away from your father. It's time you lived your life for you, not your father. Continuing the charade is only delaying the inevitable.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

Why take that risk with a stranger maybe she will be made she got set up on a date with a gay man and tell everyone out if spite bad advice

Op needs to grow up and either tell his father he is gay or tell him no im not going on a date the op os making this situation worse by entertaining the notion

Click to shrink...

I believe fundamentally that everybody should be out and everybody deserves to be honest about who they are. I think it is tragic that anyone has to hide who they are from anyone, especially their family. But the truth is sometimes it is easier to pick and choose who you are out to, even when it causes these kinds of sitcom-worthy situations.

Navigating that network is very individual. I also think they should tell their father. But if Kismet doesn't feel like it's possible to be honest with their dad I want to respect that. I am not out to my father either.

 

[lorddarkflare]

Lie to him and keep the peace.

DO NOT date this woman.

I know that others are suggesting that you come out as a way to relieve the pressure, but only you have enough information to make that decision.

With that off the table, lying is the only thing I can suggest. Eventually you will wear him down.

 

[ManEater]

From what you say, coming out doesn't seem like the best option, if it were you probably would've done it already.
Dating her isn't obviously an option, so you'll have to either just say no, or make up an excuse and lie.
It's a shame stuff like this still happens in 2019... we'll all get there one day.

 

[Jam]

How did your mom and her sisters react when you came out to them? How do they feel about you now?

 

[Red Liquorice]

It's probably time for your dad to join the 20th Century,. You're not responsible for his opinions, it's your life. Religion is not an excuse. If your mom knows, he probably already does too, he's just in denial.

 

[TheBaldwin]

At rh bare minimum, dont tell the girl your gay, and just say too your dad your not interested

Only you understand you and your dads situation, but has others have said, i do think you need to find a way to tell him. Because even if you find a way to avoid this girl, he'll probably just keep pressuring you and finding more and strain your relationship.

 

[Deleted member 1248]

Is there some kind of physical danger from your family finding out you're gay? If not, you gotta come out eventually and just live your life.

If there is danger, I guess just go out on the date and make up some shallow excuse for not liking her like she's got sharp knees or her eyes are too far apart or something.

 

[btkadams]

You absolutely cannot go on a date with the girl and try to make it awful. She's a person too and shouldn't have her time wasted like that.

This is all between you and your father. I was thinking you could maybe be honest with him if your mother already knows and accepts it, but I understand everyone's situation is different.

It just seems like you're probably in a good place with your orientation at your age and with having a boyfriend, so maybe it's time to cut BS out of your life. It might be very hard though.

Whatever you do, keep it between you and your father and don't involve this girl. Even if you tell her your gay and she totally understands and everything wraps up well....what do you do with the next girl? It's not going to stop if you handle it that way.

 

[Son Lamar]

I believe fundamentally that everybody should be out and everybody deserves to be honest about who they are. I think it is tragic that anyone has to hide who they are from anyone, especially their family. But the truth is sometimes it is easier to pick and choose who you are out to, even when it causes these kinds of sitcom-worthy situations.

Navigating that network is very individual. I also think they should tell their father. But if Kismet doesn't feel like it's possible to be honest with their dad I want to respect that. I am not out to my father either.

Click to shrink...

Youre missing my point telling a stranger would be way worse than him telling his dad, at leadt with his father he has a general idea of what will happen with a stranger you dont kmow prehaps one of her friends will mention it and she will let it slip he's gay then bam whole community knows

So again op needs to tell his father he wont go out with her ahd just deal with yhe argument or fess up to the fact he's gay live your truth king lol


And i totally get what your saying by the way i always say make sure you have your shit together before you go against family norms such as coming out or dropping their religion alwats hope for the best but prepared for worst


Op is 35 with a job abd his own ish he good come out and cut him off if he cant accept that bad

 

[Kaswa101]

Go on the date and make it the worst date ever.

Click to shrink...

This is terrible advice.

 

[GravaGravity]

Could work out well, maybe she has a girlfriend she's keeping secret from her family!

Through zany schemes and heartfelt conversations you could work together to get your families to accept your love.

I call dibs on the film rights.

 

[Deleted member 16876]

What would he do if you told him you are not interested in marriage?

 

[Miles X]

Come out as asexual to your father.

 

[Truant]

What's the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen if you come out to your dad? That is, based how you know them, not in general.

 

[fanboi]

What's the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen if you come out to your dad? That is, based how you know them, not in general.

Click to shrink...

Disowned by the family? Harassed?

EDIT: Oh, I thought it was rethorical :P

Yeah op, what is the worst thing that can happen?

 

[Deleted member 4783]

The best way to deal with this situation is to tell your father.

 

[Wackamole]

That's rough man.
I feel bad that many gay people have to live in a society / country / world where they can't be who they are and have to even fear for their life.
It's inhumane and it's criminal.
I also don't think arranged marriages are in any way healthy.

Best of luck man. If you have the idea that your parents could be cool with you being gay, tell them. Don't ruin her life to keep yours a secret.

 

[Deleted member 4783]

Disowned by the family? Harassed?

EDIT: Oh, I thought it was rethorical :P

Yeah op, what is the worst thing that can happen?

Click to shrink...

These things can happen. It kind of happened to a friend of mine.
His father was Opus Dei (like extremist Catholics) and ex navy captain, and when my friend told him he was gay, the father lost a screw and "disowned" him. But, after a few months and a lot of talks, his father came of as accepting of him.

They are more united than ever. One of the things he told me was "I'd rather be disowned by my father than live closeted".

 

[Landy828]

If coming out isn't an option, just be stern with him.

"Dad, I'm not interested in looking for a relationship at this time. I'm also not interested in anyone in my family trying to connect me to someone else. I will not entertain, and do not want, any further romantic recommendations from anyone in the family or elsewhere. I appreciate you respecting my choice going forward, and no longer want to discuss this subject any further.

Respectably,

(your name here, or call him and tell him something similar)"

Something along that line :)

 

[The_hypocrite]

Click bait title. OP knows what he needs to do, but doesn't wanna.

 

[red731]

"This Albanian family is very interested in me"

Click to shrink...

Bruh

 

[Kismet]

I'm not coming out to my dad.

He's very old fashioned and orthodox. He even has said that all gay men should be executed. Even my mother tells me I should not tell him otherwise he will blame her family. My father is a religious, selfrighteous non-conformist with a tad of narcisstic personality disorder.

I love him. But only because he's my father. Otherwise I would never be in touch with such people.

My sister reacted very indifferent. She doesn't care I'm gay - I'm still her best friend. We love each other a lot. My mom had issues in the beginning, but it's getting better. She even met my boyfriend and she finds him nice and handsome. But I didn't like it when she said that it's a shame we're gay, because many girls are interested in us. I don't find it shameful at all. I would never want to change myself. But she understands now more and more.

I also have two brothers. The older one had a hard time accepting it in the beginning. Even adviced me to continue dating women, because maybe I could eventually fall in love with one...
But I asked him to start dating men, because he might fall in love with one eventually as well...
He still has trouble with my sexuality, but doesn't treat me bad. But I've noticed that we're not talking to each other as much as before.
My youngest brother is a sweetheart. He said he always knew I was from "the other side" lol

But my father is a big no. I'm never going to come out to him. He's very unreasonable. I know him.

Bruh

Click to shrink...

I don't understand. But I'm Albanian myself. My folk is still very traditional.

 

[NTGYK]

Had an acquaintance go through something similar.

He just pretended to have erectile dysfunction. His family never bothered him about marriage again, lol

Click to shrink...

This is actually not a bad idea

Tell him your boy doesn't work at all and he'll never bring it up again

 

[Radd Redd]

I am shocked all your family knows but your father. When he finds out it's gonna be ww3.

 

[ArgyleReptile]

How bad is the fit and how long will he have it? Telling him you're not interested seems to be the best bet, if only a temporary reprieve.

This is a tough situation though. I hope it works out for you.

 

[Aeriscloud]

Well, from your last post then the only answer is to decline. Going on a date with this girl would be wrong.

 

[DustyVonErich]

Dude, just tell your dad no. And whatever happens, happens.

Don't play childish games with this girl. That's not fair to her. Intentionally ruin her date? C'mon, OP. That's weak.

 

[AliceAmber]

I'm sorry OP, this sounds like just a horrible situation. I wish I had some advice. I hope you're able to find a peaceful solution.

 

[Ducarmel]

Your a grown man OP!

Don't bother meeting the girl and let your family know assuming it's safe to tell them.

 

[Thrill_house]

Your 35. Christ man tell your father, he will get over it(or won't) then carry on with your life.

 

[Deleted member 4452]

Please don't waste the girl's time

 

[Thorrgal]

Don't tell your dad you're gay and obviously don't tell the girl, because she'll tell everyone.

What I would do is tell them your a grown man and you rather find girls your way. Is what I tell them (I'm not gay but I'm single).

That's it. You can tell him whatever story you want afterwards, you can pretend you find someone and then it doesn't work out, and then another one, and another one, you can tell him you're in love with a married woman, you can just tell him nothing more, etc.

Edit: Or you can just tell him you're not interested in forming a family

 

[Alavard]

Click bait title. OP knows what he needs to do, but doesn't wanna.

Click to shrink...

What an absolutely disgusting response to the fears of an LGBT+ in being closeted.

 

[DeaconKnowledge]

What a twist!

 

[M.Bluth]

I'm not coming out to my dad.

He's very old fashioned and orthodox. He even has said that all gay men should be executed. Even my mother tells me I should not tell him otherwise he will blame her family. My father is a religious, selfrighteous non-conformist with a tad of narcisstic personality disorder.

I love him. But only because he's my father. Otherwise I would never be in touch with such people.

My sister reacted very indifferent. She doesn't care I'm gay - I'm still her best friend. We love each other a lot. My mom had issues in the beginning, but it's getting better. She even met my boyfriend and she finds him nice and handsome. But I didn't like it when she said that it's a shame we're gay, because many girls are interested in us. I don't find it shameful at all. I would never want to change myself. But she understands now more and more.

I also have two brothers. The older one had a hard time accepting it in the beginning. Even adviced me to continue dating women, because maybe I could eventually fall in love with one...
But I asked him to start dating men, because he might fall in love with one eventually as well...
He still has trouble with my sexuality, but doesn't treat me bad. But I've noticed that we're not talking to each other as much as before.
My youngest brother is a sweetheart. He said he always knew I was from "the other side" lol

But my father is a big no. I'm never going to come out to him. He's very unreasonable. I know him.



I don't understand. But I'm Albanian myself. My folk is still very traditional.

Click to shrink...

So you already know how he'll react if you came out. And if you don't want to completely cut him out of your life, you can't come out to him.
But here's the thing. You don't need to. Just tell him you appreciate it, but you're not interested in having these "recommendations" and that it's your personal business when and to whom you'll marry.

 

[molnizzle]

You're 34 years old, just tell your father no. If his grown ass wants to have a fit, that's not your problem.

 

[kyle mechlachlan]

You want to find some magic solution to this problem and you may luck yourself into a solution that avoids the confrontation...... but honestly eventually your dad will find out. Something will slip or he'll just wise up to it. People aren't *that* dumb and oblivious forever.

 

[MAN_FLANNEL]

Man, I wish my family would set me up on dates lol.

 

[Deleted member 30544]

I don't think you should continue lying to your father. You should come clean and receive a piece of mind yourself. My two cents.

 

[Thorrgal]

You want to find some magic solution to this problem and you may luck yourself into a solution that avoids the confrontation...... but honestly eventually your dad will find out. Something will slip or he'll just wise up to it. People aren't *that* dumb and oblivious forever.

Click to shrink...

That's not true and it also a horrible advice

You guys don't understand how this people can be. It would break the family up

 

[Sykdom]

Tell him you don't want to be tied down and want to be a player your whole life. Maybe tell him you don't believe in the institution of Marriage? Or you don't want to give up half your stuff?

There's a lot of bullshit you can toss out there.

 

[GymWolf86]

What a fucked up situation you are in.

Don't tell the girl that you are gay or fake date her, both terribles idea.

Maybe tell your father that your work is too heavy and you don't have time for girls right now, or maybe that you are a little light on money for a stable girlfriend.


It will not resolve the situation in the long run but is probably the last suspect thing you can say without ringing any alarm bell.
I don't have enough data on your personal situation to advise a confession to your father, sometimes lies are the better things to maintein peace. (I don't know if this is the case, this is something that only you know)

(Sorry for my english)

 

[Poltergust]

If coming out is not an option, then the only way to avoid this happening again in the future is to sternly reject your father trying to influence your love life in any way.

That said... he's going to find out eventually. You're 35; if he finds your "lack" of a partner at such an age to be concerning enough he may start questioning your mother or anyone else in the family. Even if they don't tell him anything he may still be able to read through their expressions and whatnot. I recommend preparing for that inevitability if you plan to keep this secret going on.

 

[BennyBeGoode]

I was in a simliar situation. I never wanted to tell my dad that I was gay. He grew up as a muslim and converted to christianity when he met my mom. He later found out about me because my brother told him. He called me and just asked, why I didn't tell him sooner. I was surprised how well he took it. Of course, everyone takes it differently.

 

[I Don't Like]

He's going to find out eventually.

 

[Yoshimitsu126]

Not experienced in this or gay but don't tell a stranger you don't know versus your dad.

 

[kyle mechlachlan]

That's not true and it also a horrible advice

You guys don't understand how this people can be. It would break the family up

Click to shrink...

doesn't seem like much of a family to me. but then again i'm coming from the perspective that family isn't something that inherently should be protected or shielded. if it can't withstand something this, it doesn't deserve to remain intact. the OP has a boyfriend, are they out to their parents? if so, seems like a perfectly valid new family to me.