-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
My kids (5 & 3) keep calling me & my wife by our first names. Thoughts?
- Thread starter Deleted member 44129
- Start date
Pretty typical phase kids go through. My 10 year old is extremely respectful but occasionally calls me Dave, which always cracks us both up.
I don't think I'd always want him to call me that, but not sure I'd care either. He's a happy kid and I'm a happy dad. Nothing else matters much.
I don't think I'd always want him to call me that, but not sure I'd care either. He's a happy kid and I'm a happy dad. Nothing else matters much.
I mean, there is a difference between "yes sir" and/or "yes ma'am" and "Mom/Mommy" and "Dad/Daddy."
Have a stepson who is 9 and 2 biological daughters, 2 1/2 and 9 months. The 2 1/2 year old juggles between daddy and my real name, but she hears her mother and brother call me that on a daily basis so I don't dwell too much on it.
OP
OP
I don't know why I didn't think to include this earlier...
Imagine me at a family gathering at my parent's house. So in the house are my 2 parents, my 2 kids, and my wife. I have 3 siblings. Those siblings bring a further 3 kids under the age of 7. Each sibling brings a partner. That's a noisy, happy room of 15 people with a couple of drinks inside each adult. I'm trying to get my dad's attention. "Dad!" "Dad!", "hey Dad!". It's just blending into the cacophany. I finally have an idea and shout "Jeff!" and he finally turns to me and goes "yeah?....Wait, why did you call me jeff?". I reply "It got your attention"...... I was 40 at the time.
Maybe I just answered my own question.
Imagine me at a family gathering at my parent's house. So in the house are my 2 parents, my 2 kids, and my wife. I have 3 siblings. Those siblings bring a further 3 kids under the age of 7. Each sibling brings a partner. That's a noisy, happy room of 15 people with a couple of drinks inside each adult. I'm trying to get my dad's attention. "Dad!" "Dad!", "hey Dad!". It's just blending into the cacophany. I finally have an idea and shout "Jeff!" and he finally turns to me and goes "yeah?....Wait, why did you call me jeff?". I reply "It got your attention"...... I was 40 at the time.
Maybe I just answered my own question.
That such a strange attitude to have towards your kid. You treat them like pets or soldiers.
OP
OP
Lol. Well, he's not bringing home women and smoking pot.
Hey OP, if your wife and you decide you don't want it to happen anymore, the fix is pretty simple.
Basically, do not respond to any comments, requests, etc when they use your actual names, and only give attention when they use mom/dad (or whatever you prefer). As long as both of you are consistent with it, their behaviors should change pretty quickly (especially since they're young). You can also provide richer attention when they use your preferred name.
As far as thoughts, it's really up to you. If none of their other behaviors seem off towards their parents, seems innocent enough.
Basically, do not respond to any comments, requests, etc when they use your actual names, and only give attention when they use mom/dad (or whatever you prefer). As long as both of you are consistent with it, their behaviors should change pretty quickly (especially since they're young). You can also provide richer attention when they use your preferred name.
As far as thoughts, it's really up to you. If none of their other behaviors seem off towards their parents, seems innocent enough.
It's not going to end well for us lol, but I agree. The thought of calling my dad by his first name is super weird. I wouldn't want my kids to call me by my first name either
If the OP is ok with it, then the only thing to be concerned about is that they recognize "dad" "father" "mom" "mother". If something comes up and they are asked, "What's your dads' name?", they should be able to identify that properly. My kids were raised from the start with the words "dad" and "mom", as was I. I still call my dad, dad, and my mom, mom. Tia Kathy, Tio Herb, etc.
Personally, I find the whole thing pointless. My parents initially wanted me to say "mom/dad" but gave up eventually
Well, if you aren't sure then what do they call their grandparents? What do you call your parents? What does your wife call her parents? If bet it's "Grandma, Mom, Dad" or a variation.
I'd reflect that so it doesn't sound disrespectful in family gatherings.
I'd reflect that so it doesn't sound disrespectful in family gatherings.
You just have to keep teaching them this isn't ok. It's fun at first and that's where it starts. Just got to kill the habbit.
OP
OP
It's all good. We're good. I'm finding that parenting as a whole has been this delicate balance of taking some bits of how I was raised (a little strict, loving, but no nonsense and with the occasional smack on the arse), with how I would IDEALLY like to raise my kids. The smack on the arse has gone. No physical punishment in my house, but there has to be understanding and make them feel like I'm a peer.... But a peer who sometimes tells you it's time to get shoes on and go to school who they take seriously.
The name thing was a curious thing I never expected. Thought it was interesting to discuss.
Sorry, why is it not ok? Looking forward to hearing your explanation.
OP
OP
Wouldn't fly with me. As it has been said, we are not peers and it's seen as a sign of disrespect towards your parents, even if a parent may not consider it disrespectful themselves. My kids and I have an incredibly loving relationship, but I'm their parent, not their best friend. It's totally cool though if you are ok with it. People can let their kids call them whatever makes them happy.
On that note, my wife and I call each other by our actual names in front of our kids all the time, but when talking to our children we refer to each other as mama and daddy. We've yet to be called anything else yet, luckily.
On that note, my wife and I call each other by our actual names in front of our kids all the time, but when talking to our children we refer to each other as mama and daddy. We've yet to be called anything else yet, luckily.
Did the same to my parents and looking back I find it weird.
My daughter is 6 and calls me dad. I like that.
My daughter is 6 and calls me dad. I like that.
If children aren't subordinates, then what even is a subordinate?
OP it's your job to raise these kids to be good people. That will be way more difficult if they don't respect you and see you as a peer or a friend. I'd shut it down, quickly.
I also can't imagine calling aunts and uncles by their first names. Super disrespectful.
Respect is an important skill to learn. It may be ok if they call you by your first name but not other adults/authority figures.
This
There is a respect that needs to be taught for elders and those in authority. It allows the children ro be receptive to learning from the mistakes of the past.
Without a sense of that respect they possibly will assume that their naive ideas are as good as yours when in reality it will take years for them to be wise enough to learn those lessons.
Thats why there is a gradual graduation to adulthood.
I still call all of my Aunts Uncles etc by their family title regardless of their age. It is a sign of respect that I pay for their time on earth and their wisdom.
Granted Im old-school but think there is a benefit to it that is being forgotten by some with a side effect of a lack of respect in general ror others.
No acceptable. They think they cute but you're their parents not their friends. I'd check that nonsense in a age appropriate way. Explain that's not acceptable and provide age appropriate consequence until they get the picture.
OP
OP
Oh, this makes a good point. It's kind of progressive now, but what about when they're teenagers, addressing me in a way that sounds like a precocious little shit giving a fantastic step-dad a terrible time?
and it'll be too late by then, since they'll have had it ingrained in their heads since they were young.
It seems like it would make their demands less charming, and more like overly demanding roommates.
"I pooped my pants. Clean it up, Jeff."
"Karen, I spilled fruit loops and milk on the floor, so...."
"Steven, I'm not going to clean my room, and you can't make me!"
Once they're teenagers, all cuteness and novelty of them arguing with you and calling you by your first name will wear off pretty quickly.
"I pooped my pants. Clean it up, Jeff."
"Karen, I spilled fruit loops and milk on the floor, so...."
"Steven, I'm not going to clean my room, and you can't make me!"
Once they're teenagers, all cuteness and novelty of them arguing with you and calling you by your first name will wear off pretty quickly.
Separation from what? Absolute madness...
Why would it? Teachers introduce themselves as Mr. or Ms. last name.
I personally wouldn't be into it, but if you're okay with it then that's all that matters. Once they're older if you wanted to go by first name basis to me that would make a lot more sense even though for me I can't fathom the idea of calling my parents by their first names at any age.
I think there is something to the idea of titles creating a certain type of dynamic and understanding when they're young that can be helpful for establishing boundaries and rules.
I think there is something to the idea of titles creating a certain type of dynamic and understanding when they're young that can be helpful for establishing boundaries and rules.
My friend and I thought it would be funny to do that in high school and it annoyed my dad. I feel bad about it now.
A subordinate is someone who works for you. At worst it is someone who is inferior to you.
