My Sister got beaten up by her Husband - What can i do? (See Staff Post)

JuanLatino

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,149
Sry im Era im shaking right now, and i don't know what do right now, so i thought i would post it there to calm a little down.....

My Sister has married 4 years ago...Her Husband was problematic since the start...very demanding and agressive. We tried to help her several times...i talked to her a lot and adviced her to leave him, but she refuses and goes to hime back every time. She says she loves him, and cannot live without him. He promised every time that he would learn from his mistakes and become a better man.

one hour ago i got a call from my mom, she was crying and told me that my sister (who has a 4 month old child by now) was beaten up by her husband, her face is extremely swollen, she has a blue/red eye and can't see with the left one.
they callled the police and im waiting on a update right now

since im in another town i cannot go to her...my whole body is shaking, i don't what to do to calm me down. Im scared for my sister, im scared for her future and even after this she would go back to him....

Her Husband has left the home after beating her up and we don't know where he is


Sorry this tread might the stupid, since i know that you can't help me. I just need something to vent off
 

Messi

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,614
Let the police handle it. Do not do anything stupid. Try and make sure she doesn't go back.
 

Stephen Home

Member
Dec 17, 2018
698
I am a only child. But if I have a sister and if my sister wants me to do something I would go beat up her husband.
 

Hjod

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
3,350
Behind my desk.
Be there for your sister, let the cops handle it. Just support your sister in any way possible.

I am a only child. But if I have a sister and if my sister wants me to do something I would go beat up her husband.
No, don't even think about this, your sister is already feeling bad, how do you think she would feel if you would end up in jail over this as well?
 

MilesQ

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,330
Call the cops, even if your sister won't file a report you can still get them involved and they'll be aware of what's going on.

It's clearly time for an intervention from the entire family. She needs to know that domestic violence only escalates and she could end up dead at his hands.
 

wads

Member
Oct 27, 2017
378
She should go to the police before he kills her. Keep trying to get her to go and be supportive.

Never mind, I see I missed the cops have been called.
 

AegonSnake

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
5,175
That’s terrible man. Just be there for her. They did good calling the cops. Now all you can do is provide her support. Don't try to seek revenge. It's actually what makes some women hide abuse from their family because they are worried what their brothers and fathers would do.
 

Messi

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,614
Do not under any circumstances attack the husband. That will only make this way worse.
 
Oct 27, 2017
7,466
You definitely shouldn't take a bat to his legs. That would be wrong. Call the police whether she likes it or not. She may claim to love him now, but guess how much she'll love him if he's actually forced to address his violent tendencies. And if he can't, you just might save your sister's life.
 

Kuro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,631
It would take every ounce of my will power to not break both of the husband's arms.

Let the police handle it. Take care of your sis.
 

S-Wind

Member
Nov 4, 2017
788
My kneejerk reaction: have you seen The Godfather?


Better advice: Document everything, get the police involved, and support your sister
 

QuantumZebra

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,889
Let the police handle it. Do not do anything stupid. Try and make sure she doesn't go back.
This.

As easy as it would be to say "beat his ass" - just go after him tenaciously in every civil and legal manner possible. Support your sister but don't let a Stockholm Syndrome situation prevent him from being brought to justice.
 
Oct 27, 2017
250
Let the police handle it. Support your sister. Get a locksmith out to change the house locks if you can convince your sister.
 

Wolven Hammer

Member
Feb 26, 2018
911
Los Angeles, California
Dude's now a fugitive it seems. That's good as he's fucked.

As for your sis, give her comfort and drill it into her head that the husband is a coward who will keep beating her as long as she is with him. You can't hold back on telling her straight up. If he was always bad and she hasn't left him yet then you gotta step your argumentative game up.

I had a relative go through almost the same thing. You have to make him look as bad as possible and her reasonably foolish if she plans on forgiving him. Bring up the kid's well being. Good luck.
 

Sonicbug

Member
Oct 26, 2017
488
Is her child safe as well?

Just be there for her, stress to her that the situation is unsalvageable and that isn't love. That's no environment to raise a child in. Try to get her into a support group, get a restraining order.
 
Oct 27, 2017
11,859
Seattle
Sry im Era im shaking right now, and i don't know what do right now, so i thought i would post it there to calm a little down.....

My Sister has married 4 years ago...Her Husband was problematic since the start...very demanding and agressive. We tried to help her several times...i talked to her a lot and adviced her to leave him, but she refuses and goes to hime back every time. She says she loves him, and cannot live without him. He promised every time that he would learn from his mistakes and become a better man.

one hour ago i got a call from my mom, she was crying and told me that my sister (who has a 4 month old child by now) was beaten up by her husband, her face is extremely swollen, she has a blue/red eye and can't see with the left one.
they callled the police and im waiting on a update right now

since im in another town i cannot go to her...my whole body is shaking, i don't what to do to calm me down. Im scared for my sister, im scared for her future and even after this she would go back to him....

Her Husband has left the home after beating her up and we don't know where he is


Sorry this tread might the stupid, since i know that you can't help me. I just need something to vent off
Call the police man.

Edit: let the police handle this man. If CPS tries to take the child, can either you or your mom take custody?
 
Oct 25, 2017
6,129
England
Just get her and her child somewhere safe. Take them to your house if you can or to your parents if you can't. If she's hurt badly, take her to the hospital. It's better to be safe.

Don't worry about the husband. If he comes back looking for trouble, you can deal with him then.
 

PaJeppy

Banned
Nov 8, 2017
1,094
Hopefully someone can convince her to press charges + restraining order. Your sister need to think of her child.

Also, kudos for not driving back immediately and looking for the guy yourself. I don't have such willpower.
 
OP
OP
JuanLatino

JuanLatino

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,149
the police is at her home now, they are searching for the husband right now. He won't be allowed to come near my sister for atleast 10 days. I told my parents to take her home with the child. I will take a train and in a few hours and go there aswell.

After seeing the photo of my sis my blood was boiling and im honest to you guys, i don't think i could control myself if i was with her right now. i try to calm down now, take the train and support my sis and hopefully she finally realizes what an awful monster he is and takes legal charges against him
 

Frodo

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
958
Offer support. If you can't be there, maybe help her get someone to help take care of the baby, etc. Make sure she has a place to stay so she doesn't have to go back to the same house he's in. Do not seek any further involvment with the husband. Let the police handle it.
 

Noodle

Member
Aug 22, 2018
1,245
Research the process for filing restraining orders, divorce, women's shelters, etc for your state so that it's as easy as possible for your sister the next day.
 

Hjod

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
3,350
Behind my desk.
the police is at her home now, they are searching for the husband right now. He won't be allowed to come near my sister for atleast 10 days. I told my parents to take her home with the child. I will take a train and in a few hours and go there aswell.

After seeing the photo of my sis my blood was boiling and im honest to you guys, i don't think i could control myself if i was with her right now. i try to calm down now, take the train and support my sis and hopefully she finally realizes what an awful monster he is and takes legal charges against him
You're doing everything right, focus on your sister and let the police focus on him.
 

Heromanz

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,806
User Banned (1 week): Advocating Violence; History of similar infractions
Get a bat my brother
And
 

SugarNoodles

Member
Nov 3, 2017
7,386
Portland, OR
Unfortunately your ability to help your sister is pretty much up to her. If she doesn’t want to remove him from her life and press charges, there’s not a whole lot you can do.

Be there to support her, but you might need to have some tough talks with her soon about her responsibility to her child, who is very close to growing up with an abusive, piece of shit father.

She’s going to need therapy, and lots of it.
 
Oct 25, 2017
6,129
England
After seeing the photo of my sis my blood was boiling and im honest to you guys, i don't think i could control myself if i was with her right now. i try to calm down now, take the train and support my sis and hopefully she finally realizes what an awful monster he is and takes legal charges against him
Don't let her see that. That desire for revenge you've got going on is just macho bullshit you need to get out of your system. The last thing she needs right now is to be worrying about you on top of everything else. Take your time, calm your nerves and just be there for her.

She doesn't need a guy itching for a fight, she needs her brother.
 
OP
OP
JuanLatino

JuanLatino

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,149
thanks for replies and advices - im going to take a walk now and smoke a cigarette. i can't sit in my room, still shaking
 

Yasuke

Member
Oct 25, 2017
12,014
User Banned (1 week): Advocating violence; numerous previous infractions
You can beat that nigga’s ass, for starters. You need help hiding a body?

I’m only halfway kidding. People like that deserve to get beat down. At minimum.
 

Namtab

Member
Oct 27, 2017
751
Support your sister and make sure she does suffer for low self esteem. Women with low self esteem rarely leave an abusive husband.
 
Mar 9, 2018
2,599
Be there for her, listen to her, talk to her, ask her how she's feeling. Invite her to spend time with you and other people that aren't the abuser. Let her know that she's cared for.

Domestic violence is very difficult to disentangle. Any violence directed at the husband would just make things 100 x worse, both for you and her. All it will likely accomplish is put you in prison, hurting those close to you and hurting your sister. And that's assuming, by the way, that the violent husband doesn't hurt you in a serious way, too. Violence is not an option in this situation if you truly want to improve the situation.

It will not make her snap out of it either. That's a complicated process and you need to be patient, unfortunately. I hope that this incident can be the catalyst for ending the relationship -- sometimes, they are. But you have to keep in mind that even after this, she might still stay with the husband. You just need to be there for her and make sure you're checking up on her.

I don't think you mentioned this, but often in these cases, people end up giving ultimatums to try to coerce the abuse victim into leaving the relationship for their own good. I understand the frustration and the desire to "force" her to safety, but it doesn't work that way. It is up to the victim to do that and any attempt to force the issue frequently backfires and entrenches the bond with the abuser. Abusers like this thrive on disconnecting the victim from their family. And for the victim, it's all the more difficult to make that jump to separate themselves if their relationship with their family/friends worsens. I wish you the best, please keep safe and I hope things get better for your sister.
 
Oct 25, 2017
6,129
England
Unfortunately your ability to help your sister is pretty much up to her. If she doesn’t want to remove him from her life and press charges, there’s not a whole lot you can do.
That's not true at all. If your sister is in a bad relationship with an abusive boyfriend and she can't let go of him, you convince him that it's best for both of them if he leaves. If you're persuasive enough you won't even need to resort to violence, which is for the best. You don't want to ever do that unless you absolutely have no choice or the boyfriend hits her in front of you.

If he's stupid enough to do that then, yes, he's totally dead.
 

Starbuck

Member
Oct 26, 2017
205
I’m a former prosecutor who has prosecuted many DV cases. Talk to your sister. Tell her to cooperate with the police and victims advocates that will contact her. And for the love of God tell her to show up to grand jury.

That's not true at all. If your sister is in a bad relationship with an abusive boyfriend and she can't let go of him, you convince him that it's best for both of them if he leaves. If you're persuasive enough you won't even need to resort to violence, which is for the best. You don't want to ever do that unless you absolutely have no choice or the boyfriend hits her in front of you.

If he's stupid enough to do that then, yes, he's totally dead.
This is the worst advice in the thread. No guy that beats his SO is going to listen to the brother. If you do anything. I don’t care what your reason is. We WILL charge you.
 
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Chrome Hyena

Member
Oct 30, 2017
2,534
I cant tell you what to do OP. But make him regret touching your sister. People saying call the cops etc.? Let me tell you what happened to my cousin who called the cops and got a restraining order. She got hit in the face with a 2 by 4, broken face and almost lost an eye. She was in the hospital for a week as she was knocked unconscious. Bd to this day suffers from migraines.

Restaining orders are not proactive because when dude violates them he probably no longer gives a fuck about the police. My cousin did leave him after that, but even then he was on the run from the cops and still contacted her and tried to show up. It took some of my other cousins who are not angels to set him straight. He is now in jail but she no longer ever feels safe.
 

Orin_linwe

Member
Nov 26, 2017
669
Malmoe, Sweden.
Locate your sister, talk to her, offer to help her sort out things she might not be able to handle right now (emotionally).

If possible, make her understand that your apartment/house is a safe-haven if she needs it, and has no other way to go; that she can always come and sleep on your couch (if nothing else).

It probably doesn't hurt to also file a police-report; either independently of your sister, or together, when you meet (in case some details of her report wasn't initially documented ).

You're not going to be in trouble for "unnecessarily bothering" local police with a formal, additional report, and even if it's ultimately discarded, it might help you sort your feelings by putting into words the exact, very tumultuous feelings you're currently experiencing.

Anyone who urges you to seek out your sister's husband and "deal with the problem as a man" are embarrassing morons who don't care about you or your sister's situation.
 
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