New Research Shows a Vast Majority of Cis People Won't Date Trans People

[Robin]

https://www.them.us/story/cis-trans-dating

Considering the discrimination trans people face on a daily basis, it comes as no surprise that trans people are overlooked when it comes to dating. Two Canadian researchers recently asked almost 1000 cisgender folks if they would date a trans person in a new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. This is the first study to ever attempt to quantify the extent of trans discrimination when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships.

958 participants (all but seven cisgender, ranging in age from 18 to 81, with an average age of 26) were asked to indicate which genders they would consider dating. The options included cisgender man, cisgender woman, trans man, trans woman, or genderqueer, and participants could select as many genders as they wanted.

Only 12% of all participants selected "trans woman" and/or "trans man."

Those who would consider dating a trans person didn't differ in race/ethnicity, but were somewhat older, more likely to hold a university degree, and, unsurprisingly, less likely to be religious than those who would not date a trans person. But some of the most striking differences were in regards to participants' gender and sexual orientation.

Virtually all heterosexuals excluded trans folks from their dating pool: only 1.8% of straight women and 3.3% of straight men chose a trans person of either binary gender. But most non-heterosexuals weren't down for dating a trans person either, with only 11.5% of gay men and 29% of lesbians being trans-inclusive in their dating preferences. Bisexual/queer/nonbinary participants (these were all combined into one group) were most open to having a trans partner, but even among them, almost half (48%) did not select either 'trans man' or 'trans woman.'

Click to shrink...

This is pretty outrageous and does a lot to show how much work we still have ahead of us if we want transpeople to be accepted in an actually substantive way.

EDIT:

"It's because transpeople can't have biological children"

But most non-heterosexuals weren't down for dating a trans person either, with only 11.5% of gay men and 29% of lesbians being trans-inclusive in their dating preferences. Bisexual/queer/nonbinary participants (these were all combined into one group) were most open to having a trans partner, but even among them, almost half (48%) did not select either 'trans man' or 'trans woman.'

Click to shrink...

 

[Redhead On Moped]

Honestly, it doesn't surprise me. I think the 2 major factors, even with people that have nothing against transpeople are the following.

1. Being able to reproduce, for lack of better terms "naturally", with interlocking parts. This is very important to some people.
2. Religious restrictions.

Your link saying that the less religious would be more open to this kinda goes along with my best guess. Again, religious reasons are a major factor for some people. Either way, I think we have a long way to go.

 

[SneakersSO]

I wouldn't equate sexual preference to social acceptance. I have absolutely nothing against transpeople; I want them to have every major freedom & right a person can have. However, for my own personal sexual preference, I wouldn't want to date someone who was.

At a certain point, an individual's persons sexual preference is theirs to do with as they please while also not being labelled a transphobe or what-have-you.

 

[GamerJM]

Well I'm not one of them. Almost half of the people I've dated have been trans.

Spoiler

But I might not be cis so....

 

[Cantaim]

That's a shame though I'm not surprised. I'm one of the only people I know in my social circles that has ever talked about willingly dating someone who is transgender.

 

[Yasuke]

I think equating social acceptance to how many people want to date them may not be very productive.

At least, I wouldn't assume someone is prejudiced against trans people because they prefer not to date them. I know this is a topic that gets broached a lot, but I maintain that that isn't transphobic.

 

[Dakkon]

.

 

[SugarNoodles]

I give this thread less than 30 minutes before mods have to close it.

 

[xbhaskarx]

I wouldn't equate sexual preference to social acceptance. I have absolutely nothing against transpeople; I want them to have every major freedom & right a person can have. However, for my own personal sexual preference, I wouldn't want to date someone who was.

At a certain point, an individual's persons sexual preference is theirs to do with as they please while also not being labelled a transphobe or what-have-you.

Click to shrink...

.

 

[Redhead On Moped]

Well I'm not one of them. Almost half of the people I've dated have been trans.

Spoiler

But I might not be cis so....

Click to shrink...

Even if you end up realizing

Spoiler

you are not cis

, there are still, according to OP's link, still a surprisingly low number of queer individuals overall who would date a trans person too. It's kinda concerning.

I give this thread less than 30 minutes before mods have to close it.

Click to shrink...

A moderator opened the thread to being with. Just be civil and discuss and share.

 

[Robin]

Well I'm not one of them. Almost half of the people I've dated have been trans.

Spoiler

But I might not be cis so....

Click to shrink...

I've actually only dated other transpeople. I'd be happy to date a cisperson, but it's never happened organically that way. The only cis people who have ever propositioned me IRL were not aware I'm trans and most of them were unsavory characters.

 

[Deleted member 42221]

I knew this deep down. Quite frankly, most of my relationships have been with people who treated me, and trans people in general, like a depraved fetish they don't want people to know about. People have deadnamed me while climaxing multiple times. Relationships just make me feel exploited - like a fuckdoll with a dick.

Quite frankly I'm afraid of getting murdered or raped in any relationship.

I'm made to feel like a subhuman abomination in relationships.

 

[Typhonsentra]

It will be interesting to see if in the futuresocial norms regarding dating transgender people willchange in the waysaying you wouldn't date a black person is viewed today. I get the impression this is something LGBT activists would like to fight for, but it is too far outside the Overton Window at this juncture.

 

[Dook's Revenge]

The rankings make sense imo.

 

[Doctoglethorpe]

You can't correlate social acceptance with sexual preference, otherwise everyone that isn't pansexual is a bigot towards somebody.

 

[Mush]

Well, we're not too far off trans people being able to reproduce, unless I'm totally misinformed? I'd cite that as perhaps the only reason why I wouldn't consider being in a serious relationship with someone who was trans.

Probably won't happen in my lifetime though.

 

[SlothmanAllen]

That doesn't surprise me at all, but I don't think your ever going to get wide spread support for dating. That doesn't mean social acceptance won't happen though.

 

[Thatonedice1]

Being a Straight Cis male I have to say I would be open to giving a trans partner a shot though I want to have kids in the future so I doubt it would work long term. I can imagine it being the topic of much debate. I live in the south with a very socially conservative family so that would be a area of stress.

 

[Aang's_Bae]

Honestly, it doesn't surprise me. I think the 2 major factors, even with people that have nothing against transpeople are the following.

1. Being able to reproduce, for lack of better terms "naturally", with interlocking parts. This is very important to some people.
2. Religious restrictions.

Your link saying that the less religious would be more open to this kinda goes along with my best guess. Again, religious reasons are a major factor for some people. Either way, I think we have a long way to go.

Click to shrink...

You should probably replace genitalia preference for number 1. A lot more people are ok with not having kids or adopting than touching their non-preferred genitalia.

 

[Yasuke]

Gotta admit, I don't get the "well, I want kids argument"; I always found that a bit of a weird defense. How many people are you interviewing mid-date about their ability to reproduce? Not being able to bear children isn't just a trans thing, after all. I guess I find it hard to believe a lot of the people who claim that as their reasoning would actually leave a relationship with a cis person if they ended up not being able to reproduce.

 

[Deleted member 18568]

Yeah it's pretty disingenuous to call personal sexual preference "discrimination".

 

[RedMercury]

You can't correlate social acceptance with sexual preference, otherwise everyone that isn't pansexual is a bigot towards somebody.

Click to shrink...

Or, I mean, being closed-minded is wrong and don't do that

 

[Redhead On Moped]

Gotta admit, I don't get the "well, I want kids argument"; I always found that a bit of a weird defense. How many people are you interviewing mid-date about their ability to reproduce? Not being able to bear children isn't just a trans thing, after all. I guess I find it hard to believe a lot of the people who claim that as their reasoning would actually leave a relationship with a cis person if they ended up not being able to reproduce.

Click to shrink...

Well, some people don't date people who they wouldn't settle down with eventually to begin with. If the person who is finding a date wants to eventually have kids, then it's also possible they wouldn't want to invest time in a person that could never fulfill that part of their goal. Keep in mind some of these people wouldn't just not invest in transpeople, but sterile cis people too.

It's certainly constricting, yet technically valid. At the very least, I can vouch for this mindset being common at least around my parts.

 

[sphagnum]

Gotta admit, I don't get the "well, I want kids argument"; I always found that a bit of a weird defense. How many people are you interviewing mid-date about their ability to reproduce? Not being able to bear children isn't just a trans thing, after all. I guess I find it hard to believe a lot of the people who claim that as their reasoning would actually leave a relationship with a cis person if they ended up not being able to reproduce.

Click to shrink...

It's an instinctive drive. It can be overcome, sure, but for a lot of people they really want a little clone.

 

[Brakke]

You can't correlate social acceptance with sexual preference, otherwise everyone that isn't pansexual is a bigot towards somebody.

Click to shrink...

it's not entirely clear why the implication should disprove the premise here

 

[SugarNoodles]

It's an instinctive drive. It can be overcome, sure, but for a lot of people they really want a little clone.

Click to shrink...

This is really ridiculous unless you're actually implying that most people would break it off with someone upon finding out that they're sterile or cant have children for health related reasons.

 

[TheWickedSoul]

I wouldn't date a trans person but be friends? Sure. Trans people should have all rights everyone else has and they shouldn't be discriminated for who they are.

 

[Pancracio17]

You should probably replace genitalia preference for number 1. A lot more people are ok with not having kids or adopting than touching their non-preferred genitalia.

Click to shrink...

I dont think you should replace it, just add a 3rd point. Some people def want kids.

 

[RedMercury]

Yeah it's pretty disingenuous to call personal sexual preference "discrimination".

Click to shrink...

When a minority class who has historically been treated badly and have never been given a fair chance just wants to be treated the same as everyone else it's disingenuous and not discrimination? Hm

This thread is going to be a shitshow, but I hope it's still here when I wake up tomorrow

 

[Siggy-P]

Is this reffering to pre or post op?

Cus if it's pre-op the unfortunate reality is that, no matter how socially accepting someone is, if they don't like a particular type of genital they're not likely to make an exception.

 

[Redhead On Moped]

This is really ridiculous unless you're actually implying that most people would break it off with someone upon finding out that they're sterile or cant have children for health related reasons.

Click to shrink...

My ex-roommate ended his relationship with girlfriend of 4 years due to finding out she was sterile. Having his own child was just that important to him.

 

[Yasuke]

Or, I mean, being closed-minded is wrong and don't do that

Click to shrink...

I don't think me not being sexually attracted to someone is me being closed minded.

At a certain point, people just like who they like.

Well, some people don't date people who they wouldn't settle down with eventually to begin with. If the person who is finding a date wants to eventually have kids, then it's also possible they wouldn't want to invest time in a person that could never fulfill that part of their goal. Keep in mind some of these people wouldn't just not invest in transpeople, but sterile cis people too.

It's certainly constricting, yet technically valid. At the very least, I can vouch for this mindset being common at least around my parts.

Click to shrink...

It's an instinctive drive. It can be overcome, sure, but for a lot of people they really want a little clone.

Click to shrink...

Not saying it's not a thing; I just doubt it's the thing, if that makes sense.

 

[samoyed]

Ultimately, it is cis people drawing a, currently, hard line between trans women and cis women (or trans and cis men), which belies the support of trans-ness.

"I'll treat you as your self-identified sex/gender up until matters of the bedroom, where you'll never be the same as a cis woman/man to me."

 

[Mush]

It's an instinctive drive. It can be overcome, sure, but for a lot of people they really want a little clone.

Click to shrink...

It's more like knowing the option is there if you were to take it.

 

[Son Lamar]

I think equating social acceptance to how many people want to date them may not be very productive.

At least, I wouldn't assume someone is prejudiced against trans people because they prefer not to date them. I know this is a topic that gets broached a lot, but I maintain that that isn't transphobic.

Click to shrink...

I agree but I'm bais I feel the same way I wouldn't date a trans person but I'd fully support a friend in doing so etc
For me it comes down to I won't kids etc simple as that tbh

But I always say you never who you might love

 

[AHA-Lambda]

I wouldn't equate sexual preference to social acceptance. I have absolutely nothing against transpeople; I want them to have every major freedom & right a person can have. However, for my own personal sexual preference, I wouldn't want to date someone who was.

At a certain point, an individual's persons sexual preference is theirs to do with as they please while also not being labelled a transphobe or what-have-you.

Click to shrink...

This.
It doesn't personally bother me but I get why it would be a thing for many.

 

[Aang's_Bae]

I dont think you should replace it, just add a 3rd point. Some people def want kids.

Click to shrink...

Yes but many of those same people would be willing to work around it with a cis partner over trans one. Donor eggs, sperm, and surrogates are a thriving part of the fertility industry for a reason. This doesn't even include adoption into the mix.

 

[Bakercat]

As a straight male I would try to date, but if it didn't feel right then I would explain and apologize. I have nothing against trans people, I just wouldn't know my sexual preference unless I was in that situation of dating. I'd rather know upfront though instead of learning later in the relationship as well.

 

[TacomaSCDisaster]

You can't correlate social acceptance with sexual preference, otherwise everyone that isn't pansexual is a bigot towards somebody.

Click to shrink...

This.

My sexual preference can be described in one simple phrase: I find the penis gross and unattractive. I don't care if it belongs to a man or a woman, it is a turn off. I wouldn't be able to date someone who has one, and that is simply a matter of personal preference.

 

[FUME5]

Accepting someone socially and being sexually attracted to them are vastly different things.

 

[Deleted member 176]

I dont think you should replace it, just add a 3rd point. Some people def want kids.

Click to shrink...

I think it may be a bigger factor than the other two though, definitely more than religion. Bisexual people had the highest acceptance for a reason. Everyone else, gay or straight, is thinking about genetalia.

 

[MegaManTrigger]

"This is the first study to ever attempt to quantify the extent of trans discrimination when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships."

I feel like this is an incredibly loaded statement to make with a study that might not be the best at measuring romantic/sexual discrimination. With something like sexual preference, it's extremely hard to say whether discrimination is taking place because you're dealing with people's sexual tastes. People having certain tastes doesn't always mean that they're discriminating (ex. you cross that line if you say "ew, I don't want to fuck black people because they're ugly and inferior").

Gotta admit, I don't get the "well, I want kids argument"; I always found that a bit of a weird defense. How many people are you interviewing mid-date about their ability to reproduce? Not being able to bear children isn't just a trans thing, after all. I guess I find it hard to believe a lot of the people who claim that as their reasoning would actually leave a relationship with a cis person if they ended up not being able to reproduce.

Click to shrink...

No one literally asks about the ability to reproduce mid-date (frankly, that would be awkward), but you'll hear questions like "do you see yourself having kids?/would you want to raise a family?" That sort of thing, to serve as a general baseline for their ability and motivation to reproduce. Additionally, for as much as the image of the traditional family has broken down over the decades, sometimes people want that kind of structure. You can't blame them for wanting that.

 

[Chumley]

Gotta admit, I don't get the "well, I want kids argument"; I always found that a bit of a weird defense. How many people are you interviewing mid-date about their ability to reproduce? Not being able to bear children isn't just a trans thing, after all. I guess I find it hard to believe a lot of the people who claim that as their reasoning would actually leave a relationship with a cis person if they ended up not being able to reproduce.

Click to shrink...

Having children is very important for some people. It's not my place or yours to tell them they're wrong for wanting that out of their life.

 

[The Archon]

I wouldn't equate sexual preference to social acceptance. I have absolutely nothing against transpeople; I want them to have every major freedom & right a person can have. However, for my own personal sexual preference, I wouldn't want to date someone who was.

At a certain point, an individual's persons sexual preference is theirs to do with as they please while also not being labelled a transphobe or what-have-you.

Click to shrink...

This is something important to distinguish.

I don't have a problem with people that choose to make the change and I treat them as equals. But the prospect of dating, marrying, etc one who did the change isn't for me.

 

[Yasuke]

When a minority class who has historically been treated badly and have never been given a fair chance just wants to be treated the same as everyone else it's disingenuous and not discrimination? Hm

Click to shrink...

I mean, that's not what they're saying.

No one in here thinks trans people shouldn't be afforded the same rights and treatment as everyone else.

 

[SneakersSO]

Not saying it's not a thing; I just doubt it's the thing, if that makes sense.

Click to shrink...

I do agree with what you're implying - that certain people just aren't into dating a transperson & are using the reproductive excuse to cover up their true intention. There are absolutely people who will cut off a relationship the moment they discover they can't have kids with their partner, that much is true.

 

[RedMercury]

I don't think me not being sexually attracted to someone is me being closed minded.

At a certain point, people just like who they like.

Click to shrink...

People's minds are closed because of a bigoted society telling them that some things are desirable and some are not. Nobody is born thinking "I would never date a black person" for instance but a ton of people would probably say that. And if you are cognizant of that you can choose to work at reprogramming yourself to not be closed-minded. Most people won't do the work because their prejudices are ingrained in them and they don't want to do the work to change.

mean, that's not what they're saying.

No one in here thinks trans people shouldn't be afforded the same rights and treatment as everyone else.

Click to shrink...

Then why argue against the interests of trans people by calling it disingenuous and putting "discrimination" in quotes?

 

[excelsiorlef]

ITT people trip over each other to be the loudest to proclaim that they won't date trans people.

 

[leenbzoold]

An Individuals choice with whom to engage in intimacy with and with whom not to engage in intimacy with must never be judged, no matter how "stupid" the stated reason might seem to you.

 

[Deleted member 2945]

getting into strange territory where we're shaming people for not wanting to consent here.