Its this. Married couples are a package deal and this is understood.
Not invited to a party my wife was invited to? Implied invited or nah?
- Thread starter Timeaisis
- Start date
What if the host is close to some of the other SOs and invited just the close ones because of their relationship? When you're close to a couple, you don't just invite half of them with the other is implied.
This is a passive aggressive response. Literally the thing people are calling you out on in this thread.
I get that you didn't want to spend a night trying to make small talk with strangers who don't interest you, but blaming other people for your obvious social anxiety - 'they didn't invite me by name! they don't care about me!' - doesn't excuse you.
Yeah I can see that. But I’d probably avoid it anyways just in case. Good point though actually.
OP
OP
I don’t understand how it’s my responsibility to try to interpret other people’s intent. It’s literally as simple as extending an invite or not. They did not, I interpreted how I did. If they didn’t want me second guessing and actually wanted me there, then fuckin say so.
Excuse me from what anyway? You think I did something wrong here? Lol.
Did your wife want you to go? Because that's really the only thing that mattered.
Ah man you didn't want to go that's fine, but now your wife has to endure everyone asking her where you're at and why you're not there. I doubt she can say you stayed home playing a video game because that looks bad on her in that setting. So now she'll have to make up a lie that sounds acceptable like you're sick or whatever. Which is fine but she will have to repeat that lie multiple times during the night and be judged by everyone there.
We all have that responsibility at all times. It's part of being social. We have to make the effort to understand each other, and when one isn't sure in the circumstance you outlined one should always assume they are welcome.
In terms of excusing you, I mean excusing you from attending an event that, from the information you and only you have provided, most people here say you were invited to as well. Even the fact that another attendee asked as to your whereabouts indicates there was an exception amongst them that you would be present.
OP
OP
She didn’t really seem to have a strong opinion one way or another. She knew I felt weird about it. If she definitely wanted me there I would have 100% went.
I would add that even if the hosts secretly would've preferred that the OP's wife come alone, OP is still her spouse and it's a partner-friendly event. The invitation was absolutely implied regardless of whatever the hosts might have preferred deep down.
Also, it's best not to over-analyze this shit. Especially if you're not the most social person. It'll drive you nuts.
How formal was this party? Were actual invites sent or just verbal?
I ask because when I organise parties and invite people from work I don't separately invite their partners as its implied. Where I'm friends with both though I might shoot them both a message checking they are coming.
I really feel like you've read this wrong and don't understand why your wife didn't clarify your invite.
I thought it was implied that when someone is invited to a party their SO is also invited.
You come as insufferable OP so you probably played into their game.
You come as insufferable OP so you probably played into their game.
His wife said he was invited. She clearly wanted him to go. The OP had a disagreement with his wife and decided to post on a gamer forum for validation, and it's going about as well as anyone could expect.
If I invited someone to a party and they had a SO, they'd totally be welcome to come.
But if I found out someone's SO fostered such a petty stance from not being explicitly invited to a party with coworkers (insignificant event), I'd probably be sure to not invite them intentionally in the future.
If I overread every situation like this, I'd be exhausted. Holy shit.
But if I found out someone's SO fostered such a petty stance from not being explicitly invited to a party with coworkers (insignificant event), I'd probably be sure to not invite them intentionally in the future.
If I overread every situation like this, I'd be exhausted. Holy shit.
People need to lay off the OP. He made a choice and explained his thought process. Nothing bad happened, jeez.
how crazy would it be if this were NOT the case?
"Jim brought his wife?! What the fuck!"
... but he asked? Clearly he cared enough about our thoughts to create a thread about it.
I'm going to guess OP suffers from some form of social anxiety... Apologies if I'm wrong, but being described as a "quiet person" who would prefer to be at home than a social event and is overthinking small minutia like that, then trying to justify their thoughts and actions externally...
Source: I have social anxieties and I have done this on many occasions. Being mindful helps to a degree, but you can't easily logic away emotional responses.
(it's really easy to feel slighted by people you barely know if you're inherently suspicious/anxious of them to begin with)
Facts. If you invite my wife to a party I'm going to be up in that bitch unless it's a girl's only thing. Cold day in hell where I stay home because I wasn't explicitly invited. If they're offended I showed up then I'd have to question their intentions and why my wife would want to hang with them in the first place.
OP
OP
I am insufferable thanks.
Dude fuck you for consistently assuming how things went down with my wife and antagonizing me. She’s back, we talked about it. She’s going to clarify with the host next time this happens. We are good. Get the fuck out of this thread.
Then why did you bother with this thread?
Clarify with the host LOL
Great post. This bit in particular is incredibly apt. A guy I knew casually used to invite my girlfriend to social events without explicitly inviting me. I'm pretty introverted, and very prone to over-analysis, so I assumed the guy was trying to hit on her. I wasn't insecure about my girlfriend reciprocating, but it definitely bugged me that he had the balls. My girlfriend, on the other hand, insisted I was overthinking it and that my invitation was implied, so I always accompanied her. A couple years later, after we broke up (I had to move countries for grad school), he came out of the closet and revealed that he had been quietly in a relationship with another one of our mutual friends for years.
Was a good learning lesson for me in terms of not overthinking insignificant social gestures. Even if he had been trying to swoop in, who cares? Part of growing up is learning to rise above that shit.
The host would be weird if they didn't want you going.
You shouldn't haven't even questioned it.
You shouldn't haven't even questioned it.
So you'd go just out of jealousy and trust issues? That's kinda gross
OP
OP
Like I said I was curious about THEIR (the hosts) intent. Yes she should’ve clarified but didn’t.
I'd go because that's the normal thing to do. I've been married for 15 years. Thanks for assigning that bullshit to me. How's your relationship going?
I mean, you posted here asking for the opinion of this forum. People said you were being passive aggressive, and you responded by being passive aggressive. Now you're being openly hostile when you're not getting the validation you asked for.
As you don't care for my view, I will leave your thread. However, I would invite you to consider why so many posters here pointed out you were being passive aggressive and socially awkward. But hey why is it your responsibility to interpret other people's intent?
I'll fuck off now.
Unless it’s otherwise stated or it’s a markedly non-partner-friendly event like a bachelor/ette party then yea, you’re basically always invited. Getting bent out of shape because a person who barely knows you didn’t explicitly invite you is weird.
OP
OP
I wanted to hear both sides of the invited or not argument. I don’t want to hear what people think is their interpretation of me and my wife’s relationship, which in my mind has nothing to do with the original question. You keep bringing that up though.
Then you should have just said that instead of the "cold day in hell" controlling bullshit and jumping into the questionable intentions.
But it is questionable. It's very rude and abnormal to explicitly or implicitly not invite someone's spouse to a social event with other partners without good reason. If my significant other is invited to something and decides to bring me only to have the host act bothered by my presence, I would rightly wonder what the fuck was wrong with them. I would also be offended if my spouse sided with the host in such an instance. That's not really how a healthy, supportive relationship works. If the tables were turned and someone did that to my wife, it would probably be the last time I ever spoke to that person.
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Between the host not explicitly inviting you and now knowing they did not asking where you were (while also explicitly inviting other SOs) I’m going to side with the host didn’t care to have you there.
I think it might depend on the where you live. SO are rarely invited to work parties here in Iceland unless the companies host the event or pay in part for it. At small parties with 5 to 30 people, work and friend, nobody I know or have worked with would bring their SO without asking in advance if it's allowed.
That's generally true in the US as well, but OP's situation just sounds like a normal party at someone's house.
Exactly! Here where i live, it's quite rude to show up if you're not invited, even at a "normal" party. Surely when the host want to invite someone who is married, it's quite implied(And even them, the invite would say both names or something like Mrs. Someone and family)or the host will say in the invite that both are are welcome. But if you invite only one person, it would be quite strange and rude to him to bring someone like his/her girl|boy/friend. I'm in quite surprised to see lot of Era posters saying that they would come along with their SO when only one of them were invited.
If your wife says it's OK, then it's OK.
Go if you want, your have nothing to prove to them just enjoy the food and drink and try and enjoy it, if you don't at least you don't have to clean the dishes.
Go if you want, your have nothing to prove to them just enjoy the food and drink and try and enjoy it, if you don't at least you don't have to clean the dishes.
Yeah that's usual true of an official work party/event but this just sounds like a party that was thrown by a work colleague not an actual work party.
When myself and my wife throw a party and we invite people from work we aren't posting out invites, it's just an email, WhatsApp, messenger invite saying we're having a getting together and we'd love to see you there.
Sure he did, but people could refrain from name calling and insulting someone for asking an honest question.
When you invite someone to a party, their significant other is always implied to also be welcome. The other person you mentioned was probably explicitly invited since they're actually also friends with the host, and not just coming as a plus one.
I feel like it’s implied. And if my SO said you’re definitely invited, even if it wasn’t explicit, that’d be enough for me.
Having said that a girl I’m seeing was invited to a party next weekend and the host explicitly mentioned me when inviting her. Different people do it differently I gues
Having said that a girl I’m seeing was invited to a party next weekend and the host explicitly mentioned me when inviting her. Different people do it differently I gues
Yep. If the staff party was purely staff only they would say that.
Once I didn’t show up to the naming of a child where I was supposed to be a godparent because I thought the party was a joke and the baby wasn’t real.
The baby very much did exist. I mean, it was a 50-50 chance of it existing or not and I was unlucky.
OP don’t feel bad. I think you are a little bit hurt by not getting invited. But Sekiro >>>>> party. Next time, set your own feelings aside and go to the party. Don’t be overly quiet, ask people questions and pretend to be interested by following them up with even more questions. Make sure your wife has a good time. And make breakfast for her tomorrow.
The baby very much did exist. I mean, it was a 50-50 chance of it existing or not and I was unlucky.
OP don’t feel bad. I think you are a little bit hurt by not getting invited. But Sekiro >>>>> party. Next time, set your own feelings aside and go to the party. Don’t be overly quiet, ask people questions and pretend to be interested by following them up with even more questions. Make sure your wife has a good time. And make breakfast for her tomorrow.