NYPD on Twitter: "We regret to inform that Desmond Amofah aka Etika has been found deceased." (See guidelines before posting)

Erimriv

Member
Oct 30, 2017
44
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.

-----

I had hoped to make this post sooner but was unable to. This rips through me, feels incredibly close to home and heartbreaking. I'm not sure how much I'll share but some of this stuff is only known by singular people in my personal life, but it could be important for members here right now. It might be rambling in parts but hopefully some might relate to elements of it.

I'll start by echoing a post of mine in an Etika thread before this:

Which sounds harsh, but hopefully everyone can now understand the severity with which we're talking. There should be no tolerance for it, it's disgusting and it costs lives.

I have been both the person suffering, and have tried to help others who suffer.

If you're any age and can relate to Etika's last video, general desperation or find yourself apart from the world drifting – it gets better. It can, it will, it does.

I wish I could show you how far down the well I was, so you understood the tears with which this ink is mixed. I've been to the top of multi-story car parks and stood on the edge, I've sat under trees in the forest crying wondering which I might hang from soon. Every week I drive over a bridge well-known for suicides and every time I do there's still a glint within me that asks if the world would be better if I did. I don't think it ever leaves you, but now I have a list of things that pop up when I think that, reasons to stay alive. Some days that list is shorter than others, but it's always there now and a number of those items are strong enough to where I don't have to worry any more. Which is why it is so important to me that you understand that it can get better, because there were many times where I didn't have that list in the road until now.

During my time at secondary school (ages 11-16) I was both sexually abused at the start, and I was bullied on a daily basis for close to four of the years. My offense was that I was born with ginger hair and needed glasses. Mix that with being pretty shy and coming off the back of everything sexual abuse brings, and I was a prime vector of attack. We're talking being spat on, kicked between the legs, pushed down flights of metal stairs, poled on the bus, punched, kicked, whatever. Every day of school, for years. Several occasions I was threatened with knives. Nothing happened to the bullies because "boys will be boys" and because it wasn't racially motivated.

So I grew up with an irreconcilable level of self-hatred, shame, guilt and a strong perception that the issue was me. After all, I was being broken on a daily basis purely for features of my body I was unable to change. It wasn't immediate, it wasn't overnight but with time that settled and it settled deep. I became an incredible liar and – as with many people suffering from depression – managed to perfect the wearing of masks. Every day I went home and smiled at my parents, said all was fine before going upstairs and breaking down into the pillows. Occasionally I couldn't make it to the bedroom before that, and my parents would see a crack of what was happening. I'd summarily dismiss it as being solely whatever had managed to escape at the time, before going upstairs and wondering how I could get a gun in the UK to put to my head.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Which is another thing: suicide isn't taken seriously until it's committed to.

Unsuccessful suicide attempts are well known as being disregarded as attention seeking (for which I'll let the irony escape for now) but there's a further subset to where if you've only considered it but taken no action toward it then you really aren't being serious. Which needs to be challenged. Thinking of ending your own life isn't a simple one. People might want to die but few want to die in agony. This is about not living, not dying itself. If you jump from a bridge you risk tearing your body apart but surviving and living life crippled with zero ability. Pills are simple but seem horrific in their action except when coupled with alcohol, but again – you read too many stories about people surviving and coming too in the hospital having fucked their organs. A jump off of a tall building seems like the best way to go but the duration of the fall means you could regret it and be unable to reverse the decision, the same is true of hanging and bleeding out. A gun seems like the easy solution but then how do you find out how to do it well, because if you botch that then you're back with the above. Trains are the immediate solution but then you're impacting another, random, person with your already-waste-of-space life. I have spent a lot of time considering these things in the past.

This is what suicidal thoughts entertain, and it turns out that the human body is quite resilient. That dying is scary even when suicidal and that it's not a case of walking into the local supermarket and picking up the cheapest "erase me" kit. If you're not taking suicidal thoughts seriously before they become actions, then you need to change your mentality. There is no bar that people have to hit before they're "actually suicidal", and any of those barriers could crumble if a signfiicant additional blow is dealt to them in life.

Depression is your mind working against you

Why didn't they seek help? Why did they refuse help? Why did they just push people away that were trying to help? All of these show a massive ignorance towards what depression is like, and that's ok. We need to educate people, and mental illness is a conversation that has long been taboo. So ignorance is expected, but you have to be able to put aside your affront and recognise it's nothing compared to the inner turmoil the person is going through. Depression isn't logical and trying to approach it like it is won't help. When someone can't conceive their own self worth it's near impossible to believe that others can. Depression is your mind telling you that you deserve to feel this way. Depression is your mind telling you that help can only ever be temporary because you're the problem. Depression is your mind telling you to jump, because it's the only way to ensure nothing continues. It is your mind doubting every solution and labouring every negative, it is you telling you to kill yourself. It is the insidious trickery that forces you to live under that weight.

Thankfully I learned to break from it, and you can too. Councilling helps. Talking to people completely disconnected from your life helps.

When I was 16 I placed a bet with my friend at the time for £10 that I wouldn't live until 30. I couldn't see it. I was scraping by day by day purely for others and I couldn't conceive of a happy life so far into the future. It wasn't even dramatic, it was just a certainty to me.

Now I'm two months into being 30, and it's not been an easy road but I have that list and I love it. I have reasons to live outside of dependencies, I have things I love about life. I want to see, I want to travel, I want to experience. I'm in a good job, with a loving partner, in our own home. I live in a beautiful part of the country. We're getting a dog this year, and plan to get married and have children.

However none of that is what turned it around. I am not alive because of my SO (though she has been instrumental in her support of things I've shared). I am not alive because of my job. I am not alive because I have a nice house and money. These are all reasons I enjoy life, but they aren't what saved me. I am what saved me, and you are what will save you. Every day is a win. Every breath is a win. Every time you push those thoughts down enough to continue, it's a win. Every time you crack a little off the shell to let people know how you feel, is a win.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Perspective is what allows you to win, and it's what depression robs you of.

Talk to people who know nothing about you. Tell them. Be kind to yourself. Death is final and not going anywhere, so pushing through another day to see what it brings is an overwhelming success. Keep doing that and you will climb out of that well. Even if it seems like there's no footholds, they will come. You'll never lose the memory of being in it, but it's that that will give you the strength to resist it whenever it whispers to you. You just need to keep winning long enough to realise that you and that voice inside your head are not the same, and that you are the greater of the two.

Not everyone gets to that stage though.

Every time I think about this I cry. Every time I talk about it my voice cracks. Every time I feel an immense hole in my heart. It's been 13 years and I can still feel the warmth of the blood on my hands. This is about an incredible woman I once knew, who we'll call Amy here. Amy had been my friend for years and had supported me throughout. Though I could never appreciate it at the time, and only later gained the perspective to do so fully, she was instrumental in my own survival. She was gentle and warm person but prone to the 'bad lads'. She was also extremely attractive which meant the bad lads went for her, and it meant a ridiculous amount in her acknowledgement of me at the time. She came from an abusive home and was truly a diamond in the rough, so she empathised with a lot of the hurt I was going through and never shied away from spending time with me when her peers would reject me.

Over the years she grew less confident and more timid. She was raped by a boyfriend, abused by another and constantly found herself only in relationships where she was little more than a plaque to her partner. I helped where I could but she withdrew signficantly over time. She started to self-harm, drink excessively and other things that numbed her pain. It killed me to see, but it was impossible to break when I lived miles away and she kept going home to an environment that wasn't safe and detrimental to her health.

One day at 9:37pm I received a text message. I'll never forget the words:

I'm scared. I'm alone. I've messed up. I don't know what to do :( help.

She didn't reply to the next one and I knew this wasn't a joke. I threw myself down the stairs and into the car and drove as fast as I could to where she was staying. No answer on the front door, so I hopped the fence and ran to the back which was open. I called out her name, nothing. I ran upstairs and I saw it. Red drips on the landing, red smears on the walls. I went into the bathroom and there she was. Unnaturally white, blood everywhere and crumpled on the floor. I took off my shirt and jumper and did what I could to wrap her arms and stem the flow but I knew fucking zero about first aid. I held her, I screamed out into the street, I softly brushed her hair as she faded slumped against me, waiting for the ambulance. I couldn't save her.

I adored her. I still do. She would have been 30 like me this year, and she would have been the most amazing woman. She would have been the most loving mother, and she could have done so much good for the world.

She can't though, and it tears through me. I know that many people she reached out to for help didn't take it seriously, and I had to stand next to many at the funeral. She was mocked for it, she was called weak and an attention seeker. She was none of them.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

So I literally beg of anyone to never hand-wave people that are coming out as being suicidal. Berid yourself of any personal bar of "seriousness" that a person has to hit before you take suggestions of suicide seriously, and make sure that every single one of your friends knows that you're there for them. Not in an unspoken way, say that shit to them. Tell them that if they ever feel down that you're there to talk to, regardless of how small or large it might be.

Suicide is still such a hush-subject that people – myself included – still can't openly talk about it even when we're not considering it, because of the baggage it brings. I can't tell anyone in my life chunks of the above currently. It would scare them, because they don't understand mental illness and have thankfully never suffered from it. Today I have to tone down the depression I experienced for the comfort of others, as were I to tell anyone close to me that I once very much considered ending my life it would immediately apply a veneer of instabilty that is neither accurate nor warranted.

This is not healthy. We must become much, much more accepting of suicide as a topic of conversation and as something people deal with. Otherwise we're all awkward on it until another person dies, and that's a horrific way to keep a conversation active. People need to start challenging their own preconceptions about it, need to start realising that suicidal people are people and that in each case you have an opportunity to help and an opportunity to harm.

It doesn't matter if it's a mocking comment on a forum that another depressed user might read or otherwise, it has an impact. It affects the way we, as a whole, treat suicide and it affects the avenues of help people have to survive using. If you find yourself willing to gamble over the life and death of people in misery, purely to throw a meme or a joke in, then you seriously need to reflect on that for a bit.
Im glad to be a resetera member just to read this kind of post. Brave you and brave message! Encouraging. Im dealing with depression, I have medical supervision and getting better. Thank you for this.
 
Nov 13, 2017
4,501

Bunga

Member
Oct 29, 2017
547
While I don't know if subscriber-only streams are the answer (that would limit a channel's growth, although it is a nice incentive to subscribe), I do think that some kind of feature where comments from only people who are paying to subscribe to you are visible to you and others during your stream.
Streamers and their mods can put channels into sub-only mode at any point they like as far as I'm aware. So those who have not subscribed cannot chat. Some streamers have this on by default, I think Shroud might even be one of them but I may be wrong on that. It's used mostly by streamers who have people chatting shit in their channel and they use it to shut it down quickly without mass banning or they simply have too big a viewership to feel that they can actually communicate with it as the chat moves too fast.
 

The BLJ

Member
Feb 2, 2019
254
France
Personally I would hope people making these kinds of posts would offer actual suggestions for what they think is a more appropriate or improved response to make the forum better for everyone, but I guess it's easier to make flip comments than it is to try to solve a problem.
Don't retroactively ban people (and especially not retroactive bans that mean nothing - only one month?), but embrace the spirit of forgiveness that Era specifically lacks and just have better guidelines and rules from now on.
Handing out bans like candy because people made a grave error of judgment is not the way to go. Frankly, I think that knowing that the guy they were shitting on just recently ended up really killing himself is punishment enough for most people. And the problem of Era is that "cancel culture" and mob mentality are abnormally common and encouraged, not that not enough people are getting banned for being twats.
Of course I am not saying that moderation needs to be lax and soft. But I see too many people who get banned while they're in the middle of making a point, or people who get banned for a minor thing but who don't have a high post count, or people who get dogpiled on for unimportant things by the whole thread while the mods watch.
Don't hand out bans as the first option so often. Maybe look into an user's recent post history to see whether their behavior or arguments are consistent (if they're not, maybe something's going on). Don't let insults fly by so easily as well - sometimes personal attacks get a free pass and sometimes they get an instant warning or even ban, what's the issue here? And have a moderation team that is accessible. How many people get PM'd by a moderator if they're acting strange? Why is it impossible to have any contact with the moderation if one is banned? I don't know, I feel like permabans are handed out way too easily. Getting a "strict" response from either the forum, the moderators, or both, is the issue here, in my opinion. But maybe I'm too much of an utopian here...

Changing topic, because I don't want to make a post solely about stupid Internet forum drama.
I feel so immensely sad for Etika, man. I've said it earlier in the thread but I've been there too - I've tried to jump off a bridge, and that was not my first suicide attempt either. He felt too much pain from all sides and found this to be the only way out. He actually went ahead, acknowledged everything his life was, acknowledged the gravity of what suicide would mean, and still jumped. Now he's a lifeless corpse, there's nothing left of him as far as we are concerned. Poor, poor Etika... He is gone now, and we are left, but by not helping him, we killed him. Or rather, we let his torments take hold of him, instead of giving him even the smallest drop of water we could. Hopefully this raises awareness of mental health, but either way Etika is dead. We're guilty (I don't mean Era in particular but all the forums that didn't take him that seriously), because we saw it as a game. A public figure does X and we either respond with appallment or fucking idiotic memes. But people are not games, they are as complex and difficult to handle as you or I, and the way social media has simplified and caricatured human interactions has been killing many people, slower or faster.
 

RageBawt

Member
Oct 27, 2017
338
While I don't know if subscriber-only streams are the answer (that would limit a channel's growth, although it is a nice incentive to subscribe), I do think that some kind of feature where comments from only people who are paying to subscribe to you are visible to you and others during your stream.
Sub only chat has been available for a very long time.
 

Lamptramp

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,324
Gera, Germany
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.

-----

I had hoped to make this post sooner but was unable to. This rips through me, feels incredibly close to home and heartbreaking. I'm not sure how much I'll share but some of this stuff is only known by singular people in my personal life, but it could be important for members here right now. It might be rambling in parts but hopefully some might relate to elements of it.

I'll start by echoing a post of mine in an Etika thread before this:

Which sounds harsh, but hopefully everyone can now understand the severity with which we're talking. There should be no tolerance for it, it's disgusting and it costs lives.

I have been both the person suffering, and have tried to help others who suffer.

If you're any age and can relate to Etika's last video, general desperation or find yourself apart from the world drifting – it gets better. It can, it will, it does.

I wish I could show you how far down the well I was, so you understood the tears with which this ink is mixed. I've been to the top of multi-story car parks and stood on the edge, I've sat under trees in the forest crying wondering which I might hang from soon. Every week I drive over a bridge well-known for suicides and every time I do there's still a glint within me that asks if the world would be better if I did. I don't think it ever leaves you, but now I have a list of things that pop up when I think that, reasons to stay alive. Some days that list is shorter than others, but it's always there now and a number of those items are strong enough to where I don't have to worry any more. Which is why it is so important to me that you understand that it can get better, because there were many times where I didn't have that list in the road until now.

During my time at secondary school (ages 11-16) I was both sexually abused at the start, and I was bullied on a daily basis for close to four of the years. My offense was that I was born with ginger hair and needed glasses. Mix that with being pretty shy and coming off the back of everything sexual abuse brings, and I was a prime vector of attack. We're talking being spat on, kicked between the legs, pushed down flights of metal stairs, poled on the bus, punched, kicked, whatever. Every day of school, for years. Several occasions I was threatened with knives. Nothing happened to the bullies because "boys will be boys" and because it wasn't racially motivated.

So I grew up with an irreconcilable level of self-hatred, shame, guilt and a strong perception that the issue was me. After all, I was being broken on a daily basis purely for features of my body I was unable to change. It wasn't immediate, it wasn't overnight but with time that settled and it settled deep. I became an incredible liar and – as with many people suffering from depression – managed to perfect the wearing of masks. Every day I went home and smiled at my parents, said all was fine before going upstairs and breaking down into the pillows. Occasionally I couldn't make it to the bedroom before that, and my parents would see a crack of what was happening. I'd summarily dismiss it as being solely whatever had managed to escape at the time, before going upstairs and wondering how I could get a gun in the UK to put to my head.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Which is another thing: suicide isn't taken seriously until it's committed to.

Unsuccessful suicide attempts are well known as being disregarded as attention seeking (for which I'll let the irony escape for now) but there's a further subset to where if you've only considered it but taken no action toward it then you really aren't being serious. Which needs to be challenged. Thinking of ending your own life isn't a simple one. People might want to die but few want to die in agony. This is about not living, not dying itself. If you jump from a bridge you risk tearing your body apart but surviving and living life crippled with zero ability. Pills are simple but seem horrific in their action except when coupled with alcohol, but again – you read too many stories about people surviving and coming too in the hospital having fucked their organs. A jump off of a tall building seems like the best way to go but the duration of the fall means you could regret it and be unable to reverse the decision, the same is true of hanging and bleeding out. A gun seems like the easy solution but then how do you find out how to do it well, because if you botch that then you're back with the above. Trains are the immediate solution but then you're impacting another, random, person with your already-waste-of-space life. I have spent a lot of time considering these things in the past.

This is what suicidal thoughts entertain, and it turns out that the human body is quite resilient. That dying is scary even when suicidal and that it's not a case of walking into the local supermarket and picking up the cheapest "erase me" kit. If you're not taking suicidal thoughts seriously before they become actions, then you need to change your mentality. There is no bar that people have to hit before they're "actually suicidal", and any of those barriers could crumble if a signfiicant additional blow is dealt to them in life.

Depression is your mind working against you

Why didn't they seek help? Why did they refuse help? Why did they just push people away that were trying to help? All of these show a massive ignorance towards what depression is like, and that's ok. We need to educate people, and mental illness is a conversation that has long been taboo. So ignorance is expected, but you have to be able to put aside your affront and recognise it's nothing compared to the inner turmoil the person is going through. Depression isn't logical and trying to approach it like it is won't help. When someone can't conceive their own self worth it's near impossible to believe that others can. Depression is your mind telling you that you deserve to feel this way. Depression is your mind telling you that help can only ever be temporary because you're the problem. Depression is your mind telling you to jump, because it's the only way to ensure nothing continues. It is your mind doubting every solution and labouring every negative, it is you telling you to kill yourself. It is the insidious trickery that forces you to live under that weight.

Thankfully I learned to break from it, and you can too. Councilling helps. Talking to people completely disconnected from your life helps.

When I was 16 I placed a bet with my friend at the time for £10 that I wouldn't live until 30. I couldn't see it. I was scraping by day by day purely for others and I couldn't conceive of a happy life so far into the future. It wasn't even dramatic, it was just a certainty to me.

Now I'm two months into being 30, and it's not been an easy road but I have that list and I love it. I have reasons to live outside of dependencies, I have things I love about life. I want to see, I want to travel, I want to experience. I'm in a good job, with a loving partner, in our own home. I live in a beautiful part of the country. We're getting a dog this year, and plan to get married and have children.

However none of that is what turned it around. I am not alive because of my SO (though she has been instrumental in her support of things I've shared). I am not alive because of my job. I am not alive because I have a nice house and money. These are all reasons I enjoy life, but they aren't what saved me. I am what saved me, and you are what will save you. Every day is a win. Every breath is a win. Every time you push those thoughts down enough to continue, it's a win. Every time you crack a little off the shell to let people know how you feel, is a win.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Perspective is what allows you to win, and it's what depression robs you of.

Talk to people who know nothing about you. Tell them. Be kind to yourself. Death is final and not going anywhere, so pushing through another day to see what it brings is an overwhelming success. Keep doing that and you will climb out of that well. Even if it seems like there's no footholds, they will come. You'll never lose the memory of being in it, but it's that that will give you the strength to resist it whenever it whispers to you. You just need to keep winning long enough to realise that you and that voice inside your head are not the same, and that you are the greater of the two.

Not everyone gets to that stage though.

Every time I think about this I cry. Every time I talk about it my voice cracks. Every time I feel an immense hole in my heart. It's been 13 years and I can still feel the warmth of the blood on my hands. This is about an incredible woman I once knew, who we'll call Amy here. Amy had been my friend for years and had supported me throughout. Though I could never appreciate it at the time, and only later gained the perspective to do so fully, she was instrumental in my own survival. She was gentle and warm person but prone to the 'bad lads'. She was also extremely attractive which meant the bad lads went for her, and it meant a ridiculous amount in her acknowledgement of me at the time. She came from an abusive home and was truly a diamond in the rough, so she empathised with a lot of the hurt I was going through and never shied away from spending time with me when her peers would reject me.

Over the years she grew less confident and more timid. She was raped by a boyfriend, abused by another and constantly found herself only in relationships where she was little more than a plaque to her partner. I helped where I could but she withdrew signficantly over time. She started to self-harm, drink excessively and other things that numbed her pain. It killed me to see, but it was impossible to break when I lived miles away and she kept going home to an environment that wasn't safe and detrimental to her health.

One day at 9:37pm I received a text message. I'll never forget the words:

I'm scared. I'm alone. I've messed up. I don't know what to do :( help.

She didn't reply to the next one and I knew this wasn't a joke. I threw myself down the stairs and into the car and drove as fast as I could to where she was staying. No answer on the front door, so I hopped the fence and ran to the back which was open. I called out her name, nothing. I ran upstairs and I saw it. Red drips on the landing, red smears on the walls. I went into the bathroom and there she was. Unnaturally white, blood everywhere and crumpled on the floor. I took off my shirt and jumper and did what I could to wrap her arms and stem the flow but I knew fucking zero about first aid. I held her, I screamed out into the street, I softly brushed her hair as she faded slumped against me, waiting for the ambulance. I couldn't save her.

I adored her. I still do. She would have been 30 like me this year, and she would have been the most amazing woman. She would have been the most loving mother, and she could have done so much good for the world.

She can't though, and it tears through me. I know that many people she reached out to for help didn't take it seriously, and I had to stand next to many at the funeral. She was mocked for it, she was called weak and an attention seeker. She was none of them.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

So I literally beg of anyone to never hand-wave people that are coming out as being suicidal. Berid yourself of any personal bar of "seriousness" that a person has to hit before you take suggestions of suicide seriously, and make sure that every single one of your friends knows that you're there for them. Not in an unspoken way, say that shit to them. Tell them that if they ever feel down that you're there to talk to, regardless of how small or large it might be.

Suicide is still such a hush-subject that people – myself included – still can't openly talk about it even when we're not considering it, because of the baggage it brings. I can't tell anyone in my life chunks of the above currently. It would scare them, because they don't understand mental illness and have thankfully never suffered from it. Today I have to tone down the depression I experienced for the comfort of others, as were I to tell anyone close to me that I once very much considered ending my life it would immediately apply a veneer of instabilty that is neither accurate nor warranted.

This is not healthy. We must become much, much more accepting of suicide as a topic of conversation and as something people deal with. Otherwise we're all awkward on it until another person dies, and that's a horrific way to keep a conversation active. People need to start challenging their own preconceptions about it, need to start realising that suicidal people are people and that in each case you have an opportunity to help and an opportunity to harm.

It doesn't matter if it's a mocking comment on a forum that another depressed user might read or otherwise, it has an impact. It affects the way we, as a whole, treat suicide and it affects the avenues of help people have to survive using. If you find yourself willing to gamble over the life and death of people in misery, purely to throw a meme or a joke in, then you seriously need to reflect on that for a bit.

A frank, moving and saddening post, huge thanks and respect for sharing Kyuuji. I know only too well some of which you speak.
I've tried to type a hundred things here Kyuuji, trying to find that "something" something right to help you, me and others and I find myself unable. Just, thanks for sharing.
Love to everyone touched by whats happened or who struggle themselves, we are not alone, you are not alone & every day it gets better.
 

pokéfan

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,621
This is making me sad and depressed every time I see this thread or Etika’s name elsewhere, not only a life has been lost, we have lost one of the greatest entertainers and a incredible person. His hype was something to behold and would bring happiness to anyone watching him.
 

Apeach

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,510
In hindsight, him punching the cop was obviously him trying to commit suicide. He denied it afterwards, but it was pretty clear what he was going for. I wish the system would've done something about it. He needed help badly. I have no idea how he got off the hook for that.
 

Rendering...

Member
Oct 30, 2017
7,608
This is so sad. Everyone deserves support for their mental health struggles. Society is so far from where it needs to be on these issues.
 

ElOdyssey

Member
Oct 30, 2017
530
I honestly still can't believe this happened. I re-watched his "suicide note" video and choked up when he started saying he will be missing out on some anime and seeing some kids growing up.
Rest in peace Etika, I hope this leads to at least some assholes thinking about mental health, but I doubt it.


My favorite reaction from him, character or not, dude had a passion for Nintendo.
When he said "is this the timeline we are in!?" when they revealed Ridley made me sad.
 

Kyuuji

Member
Nov 8, 2017
5,418
UK
This entire thread is moving, I wish Etika were here to see it and see the stories he's inspired people to share from his pain. A massive tragedy, and whenever I watch a video of him it's all I can think as to what a loss it is.

Thank you for sharing this. I relate to it a lot.
You’re right, people need to stop shaming suicidal thoughts or people and saying “well, it’s not serious until you ACTUALLY try to take your own life.” That just leads to suicidal people becoming more isolated and more tempted and shamed by their thoughts.
Exactly that. It affirms some need for validation for your thoughts. People think self-harm just lands out of nowhere but it's directly bolstered by this sentiment. Thoughts are not enough, action is needed. Then when action is performed, it is mocked and derided for not actually trying to kill yourself, for not being a serious attempt. When you get to that point, it should be a surprise for noone what avenue is left.

Incredible post Kyuuji, thank you for sharing and I am sorry for your loss. Even after all this time I can imagine it is very difficult to go back to that time mentally, so again thank you.
You are one of my favorite posters on here, I hope you are aware of how much of a valued member of this community you are.
Well, this went straight to the heart lol. Thank you Chaz, crypto days are fond times and you taking the time to say this means a lot.
A frank, moving and saddening post, huge thanks and respect for sharing Kyuuji. I know only too well some of which you speak.
I've tried to type a hundred things here Kyuuji, trying to find that "something" something right to help you, me and others and I find myself unable. Just, thanks for sharing.
Love to everyone touched by whats happened or who struggle themselves, we are not alone, you are not alone & every day it gets better.
Which means more than you could ever have typed. Thank you Lampy, you wonderful friend – you've put smiles on my face before and I appreciate you. I hope that you can resolve, or have resolved, some of the things you're shouldering. If you ever need to unbind, just let me know.

WordsintheWater Bunga dred airbagged_
Thank you, the words of support mean a lot. Many here have faced worse and shared stories in the thread, without them I wouldn't have been able to post anything.
 

Kyuuji

Member
Nov 8, 2017
5,418
UK
Im glad to be a resetera member just to read this kind of post. Brave you and brave message! Encouraging. Im dealing with depression, I have medical supervision and getting better. Thank you for this.
Thank you. I'm so happy you're getting better and sought help. Cherish that, honour it and be proud of yourself. You can do it, I can tell just from the way you're handling it now. Never lose sight of the miles you've travelled if you have have a dip. If reaching out would ever help, don't hesitate.
 

Spinluck

Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
6,527
Florida
Lots of men die never really showing their true selves, think about that.

They die wearing a mask. A mask of masculinity.

It's the biggest plight guys face today and unironically only guys can really fix it.
 

Jessie

Member
Oct 27, 2017
7,368
This still feels so unreal to me. Whenever I see the headlines I just go blank, like I’m being lied to.

I think it’s the fact that people have been joking and gossiping about this for three months that really brings it home. We knew how it was going to end. It’s sickening.
 

Hjod

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
3,004
Behind my desk.
I am humbled by all the strong people in this thread opening up. I'll never no the pain you feel, and I don't know anything about depression. But if anyone needs someone to talk to never hesitate to PM me.

You're all needed, and loved.
 

threi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10
Ontario, Canada
I was banned in the other thread for wrongfully blurting out that etika wasn't worthy of empathy since all I could think about was the negative reports of the things he said and did. In fact, that was all I was exposed to when it came to him. I didn't watch his content and didn't follow his struggles. The way I knew of him was from sources that were trying to tear him down, and well that easily became my opinion too since many things I read were upsetting to me.

He never seemed mentally ill though from the distance I was seeing him at. I just saw him as excruciatingly immature to the point where I thought he was a stunted Youtuber looking for any attention and not aware of how he was impacting others in his worse moments. And also as nothing more than a character he plays known as "etika" .... which made it hard to see him as the actual person, Desmond, that was burning himself to the ground as a cry for help. So many of us made this mistake and I really wish I could have seen through him to know he was actually a good guy going through an inner struggle.

Hearing about his death was very sad and I regret the negative feelings I had towards him when he was alive. I knew little about him, but social media makes it that you know just enough about the person to hate them if nothing else. I'm really sorry I fell into that cycle of thinking with etika, who needed help and ended up being taken by such negativity. But I'm going to be better towards others in these situations, I just hope his suicide reached others to change them in the same.
Thank you for this. Owning up to your mistakes is the best outcome for everybody in the future.
 

Kyzer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,729
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.

-----

I had hoped to make this post sooner but was unable to. This rips through me, feels incredibly close to home and heartbreaking. I'm not sure how much I'll share but some of this stuff is only known by singular people in my personal life, but it could be important for members here right now. It might be rambling in parts but hopefully some might relate to elements of it.

I'll start by echoing a post of mine in an Etika thread before this:

Which sounds harsh, but hopefully everyone can now understand the severity with which we're talking. There should be no tolerance for it, it's disgusting and it costs lives.

I have been both the person suffering, and have tried to help others who suffer.

If you're any age and can relate to Etika's last video, general desperation or find yourself apart from the world drifting – it gets better. It can, it will, it does.

I wish I could show you how far down the well I was, so you understood the tears with which this ink is mixed. I've been to the top of multi-story car parks and stood on the edge, I've sat under trees in the forest crying wondering which I might hang from soon. Every week I drive over a bridge well-known for suicides and every time I do there's still a glint within me that asks if the world would be better if I did. I don't think it ever leaves you, but now I have a list of things that pop up when I think that, reasons to stay alive. Some days that list is shorter than others, but it's always there now and a number of those items are strong enough to where I don't have to worry any more. Which is why it is so important to me that you understand that it can get better, because there were many times where I didn't have that list in the road until now.

During my time at secondary school (ages 11-16) I was both sexually abused at the start, and I was bullied on a daily basis for close to four of the years. My offense was that I was born with ginger hair and needed glasses. Mix that with being pretty shy and coming off the back of everything sexual abuse brings, and I was a prime vector of attack. We're talking being spat on, kicked between the legs, pushed down flights of metal stairs, poled on the bus, punched, kicked, whatever. Every day of school, for years. Several occasions I was threatened with knives. Nothing happened to the bullies because "boys will be boys" and because it wasn't racially motivated.

So I grew up with an irreconcilable level of self-hatred, shame, guilt and a strong perception that the issue was me. After all, I was being broken on a daily basis purely for features of my body I was unable to change. It wasn't immediate, it wasn't overnight but with time that settled and it settled deep. I became an incredible liar and – as with many people suffering from depression – managed to perfect the wearing of masks. Every day I went home and smiled at my parents, said all was fine before going upstairs and breaking down into the pillows. Occasionally I couldn't make it to the bedroom before that, and my parents would see a crack of what was happening. I'd summarily dismiss it as being solely whatever had managed to escape at the time, before going upstairs and wondering how I could get a gun in the UK to put to my head.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Which is another thing: suicide isn't taken seriously until it's committed to.

Unsuccessful suicide attempts are well known as being disregarded as attention seeking (for which I'll let the irony escape for now) but there's a further subset to where if you've only considered it but taken no action toward it then you really aren't being serious. Which needs to be challenged. Thinking of ending your own life isn't a simple one. People might want to die but few want to die in agony. This is about not living, not dying itself. If you jump from a bridge you risk tearing your body apart but surviving and living life crippled with zero ability. Pills are simple but seem horrific in their action except when coupled with alcohol, but again – you read too many stories about people surviving and coming too in the hospital having fucked their organs. A jump off of a tall building seems like the best way to go but the duration of the fall means you could regret it and be unable to reverse the decision, the same is true of hanging and bleeding out. A gun seems like the easy solution but then how do you find out how to do it well, because if you botch that then you're back with the above. Trains are the immediate solution but then you're impacting another, random, person with your already-waste-of-space life. I have spent a lot of time considering these things in the past.

This is what suicidal thoughts entertain, and it turns out that the human body is quite resilient. That dying is scary even when suicidal and that it's not a case of walking into the local supermarket and picking up the cheapest "erase me" kit. If you're not taking suicidal thoughts seriously before they become actions, then you need to change your mentality. There is no bar that people have to hit before they're "actually suicidal", and any of those barriers could crumble if a signfiicant additional blow is dealt to them in life.

Depression is your mind working against you

Why didn't they seek help? Why did they refuse help? Why did they just push people away that were trying to help? All of these show a massive ignorance towards what depression is like, and that's ok. We need to educate people, and mental illness is a conversation that has long been taboo. So ignorance is expected, but you have to be able to put aside your affront and recognise it's nothing compared to the inner turmoil the person is going through. Depression isn't logical and trying to approach it like it is won't help. When someone can't conceive their own self worth it's near impossible to believe that others can. Depression is your mind telling you that you deserve to feel this way. Depression is your mind telling you that help can only ever be temporary because you're the problem. Depression is your mind telling you to jump, because it's the only way to ensure nothing continues. It is your mind doubting every solution and labouring every negative, it is you telling you to kill yourself. It is the insidious trickery that forces you to live under that weight.

Thankfully I learned to break from it, and you can too. Councilling helps. Talking to people completely disconnected from your life helps.

When I was 16 I placed a bet with my friend at the time for £10 that I wouldn't live until 30. I couldn't see it. I was scraping by day by day purely for others and I couldn't conceive of a happy life so far into the future. It wasn't even dramatic, it was just a certainty to me.

Now I'm two months into being 30, and it's not been an easy road but I have that list and I love it. I have reasons to live outside of dependencies, I have things I love about life. I want to see, I want to travel, I want to experience. I'm in a good job, with a loving partner, in our own home. I live in a beautiful part of the country. We're getting a dog this year, and plan to get married and have children.

However none of that is what turned it around. I am not alive because of my SO (though she has been instrumental in her support of things I've shared). I am not alive because of my job. I am not alive because I have a nice house and money. These are all reasons I enjoy life, but they aren't what saved me. I am what saved me, and you are what will save you. Every day is a win. Every breath is a win. Every time you push those thoughts down enough to continue, it's a win. Every time you crack a little off the shell to let people know how you feel, is a win.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

Perspective is what allows you to win, and it's what depression robs you of.

Talk to people who know nothing about you. Tell them. Be kind to yourself. Death is final and not going anywhere, so pushing through another day to see what it brings is an overwhelming success. Keep doing that and you will climb out of that well. Even if it seems like there's no footholds, they will come. You'll never lose the memory of being in it, but it's that that will give you the strength to resist it whenever it whispers to you. You just need to keep winning long enough to realise that you and that voice inside your head are not the same, and that you are the greater of the two.

Not everyone gets to that stage though.

Every time I think about this I cry. Every time I talk about it my voice cracks. Every time I feel an immense hole in my heart. It's been 13 years and I can still feel the warmth of the blood on my hands. This is about an incredible woman I once knew, who we'll call Amy here. Amy had been my friend for years and had supported me throughout. Though I could never appreciate it at the time, and only later gained the perspective to do so fully, she was instrumental in my own survival. She was gentle and warm person but prone to the 'bad lads'. She was also extremely attractive which meant the bad lads went for her, and it meant a ridiculous amount in her acknowledgement of me at the time. She came from an abusive home and was truly a diamond in the rough, so she empathised with a lot of the hurt I was going through and never shied away from spending time with me when her peers would reject me.

Over the years she grew less confident and more timid. She was raped by a boyfriend, abused by another and constantly found herself only in relationships where she was little more than a plaque to her partner. I helped where I could but she withdrew signficantly over time. She started to self-harm, drink excessively and other things that numbed her pain. It killed me to see, but it was impossible to break when I lived miles away and she kept going home to an environment that wasn't safe and detrimental to her health.

One day at 9:37pm I received a text message. I'll never forget the words:

I'm scared. I'm alone. I've messed up. I don't know what to do :( help.

She didn't reply to the next one and I knew this wasn't a joke. I threw myself down the stairs and into the car and drove as fast as I could to where she was staying. No answer on the front door, so I hopped the fence and ran to the back which was open. I called out her name, nothing. I ran upstairs and I saw it. Red drips on the landing, red smears on the walls. I went into the bathroom and there she was. Unnaturally white, blood everywhere and crumpled on the floor. I took off my shirt and jumper and did what I could to wrap her arms and stem the flow but I knew fucking zero about first aid. I held her, I screamed out into the street, I softly brushed her hair as she faded slumped against me, waiting for the ambulance. I couldn't save her.

I adored her. I still do. She would have been 30 like me this year, and she would have been the most amazing woman. She would have been the most loving mother, and she could have done so much good for the world.

She can't though, and it tears through me. I know that many people she reached out to for help didn't take it seriously, and I had to stand next to many at the funeral. She was mocked for it, she was called weak and an attention seeker. She was none of them.

---------
Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, rape, detailing of wounds.
---------

So I literally beg of anyone to never hand-wave people that are coming out as being suicidal. Berid yourself of any personal bar of "seriousness" that a person has to hit before you take suggestions of suicide seriously, and make sure that every single one of your friends knows that you're there for them. Not in an unspoken way, say that shit to them. Tell them that if they ever feel down that you're there to talk to, regardless of how small or large it might be.

Suicide is still such a hush-subject that people – myself included – still can't openly talk about it even when we're not considering it, because of the baggage it brings. I can't tell anyone in my life chunks of the above currently. It would scare them, because they don't understand mental illness and have thankfully never suffered from it. Today I have to tone down the depression I experienced for the comfort of others, as were I to tell anyone close to me that I once very much considered ending my life it would immediately apply a veneer of instabilty that is neither accurate nor warranted.

This is not healthy. We must become much, much more accepting of suicide as a topic of conversation and as something people deal with. Otherwise we're all awkward on it until another person dies, and that's a horrific way to keep a conversation active. People need to start challenging their own preconceptions about it, need to start realising that suicidal people are people and that in each case you have an opportunity to help and an opportunity to harm.

It doesn't matter if it's a mocking comment on a forum that another depressed user might read or otherwise, it has an impact. It affects the way we, as a whole, treat suicide and it affects the avenues of help people have to survive using. If you find yourself willing to gamble over the life and death of people in misery, purely to throw a meme or a joke in, then you seriously need to reflect on that for a bit.
Thank you for this post Kyu, it definitely gave me some much needed insight. Hope you're doing well.
 

Yerba_Sutra

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,311
Appalachia
They both seem to be a full circle that's soaked in performative wokeness that never really... helps anything.
Yeah. They both seem based in the idea that anything disagreeable should be met with cultural annihilation without question no matter how honest and simple the "mistake" being targeted.
I'm having a hard time with this commentary then because I am exposed to "outrage culture" used largely in the form of anti-SJW dogwhistling or misrepresenting concerned people wanting to have a discussion as being hysterical, so this naturally raises a few red flags in my head. Which isn't to say the people posting in that last thread were in the right - it's definitely an example of a trend that needs to be addressed, and reading it when it was linked to me a few days ago sunk my heart and I am 100% in support of the bans - but maybe we ought not adopt that kind of language in our critique, particularly since there are handfuls of bad actors who are eager to use it as an in to undermine the rest of this community who just want their voices heard. It is very hard, knowing what I know about outside groups' focus on Era, to see this kind of commentary and feel comfortable standing up alongside it, against those who I may agree with on a certain level but who I also might feel are going too far. I have had enough experience doing that on other forums only to realize I was contributing to a lowkey harassment campaign or silencing attempt to not want to take that risk any more. These are simply things to keep in mind.

Kyuuji reading your post brought me to tears. I know all too well those little inconveniences which prevent today from being The Day. The biggest one for me is knowing everyone is going to discuss it to no end when really (when I feel this way, I've been doing good lately) I just want to make a clean escape when it's time. Ironic, since the family gossip and improper rationalizing is partially why I feel the desire to escape in the first place.

This shit's so tough. On both ends. I've seen numerous friends go down treacherous paths due to mental illness, and there's always that point where it's obvious they've gone beyond where anyone knows how to get through to them. And you try so hard.... but they just smile and continue on as if it's as ordinary as going out for groceries.

It's really hard to remember that it gets better. Especially when it feels like the getting better is only within us, and everything around us keeps seeming to go to shit.
 

airbagged_

Member
Jan 21, 2019
1,300
Charleston, SC
I'm having a hard time with this commentary then because I am exposed to "outrage culture" used largely in the form of anti-SJW dogwhistling or misrepresenting concerned people wanting to have a discussion as being hysterical, so this naturally raises a few red flags in my head. Which isn't to say the people posting in that last thread were in the right - it's definitely an example of a trend that needs to be addressed, and reading it when it was linked to me a few days ago sunk my heart and I am 100% in support of the bans - but maybe we ought not adopt that kind of language in our critique, particularly since there are handfuls of bad actors who are eager to use it as an in to undermine the rest of this community who just want their voices heard. It is very hard, knowing what I know about outside groups' focus on Era, to see this kind of commentary and feel comfortable standing up alongside it, against those who I may agree with on a certain level but who I also might feel are going too far. I have had enough experience doing that on other forums only to realize I was contributing to a lowkey harassment campaign or silencing attempt to not want to take that risk any more. These are simply things to keep in mind.
I totally agree with you and while my response came off abrasive, I feel like there's been a lot of bad faith with people using that guise of being a good/civil person to brigade on those who made real mistakes. There's a clear difference between a measured response and "this person is going to go through a purity test just because I disagree with them." Didn't mean to derail the thread or anything, I kept my opinions to myself on the previous Etika threads because I truly didn't know what was going on and didn't want to dogpile.
 

Wispmetas

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
2,481
I love that people are sharing the best moments from his streams and photos. But to me it just feels strange and sad to watch them now. I can't watch it anymore.

I just wish he could have seen this ammount of love instead of those clown memes and such... not pointing fingers, its human nature after all I guess, we only give the proper value to things after they are gone.

Damn, this sucks.
 

Yerba_Sutra

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,311
Appalachia
I totally agree with you and while my response came off abrasive, I feel like there's been a lot of bad faith with people using that guise of being a good/civil person to brigade on those who made real mistakes. There's a clear difference between a measured response and "this person is going to go through a purity test just because I disagree with them." Didn't mean to derail the thread or anything, I kept my opinions to myself on the previous Etika threads because I truly didn't know what was going on and didn't want to dogpile.
Absolutely. Since he lost his YouTube channel I didn't have the stomach to read past the OP in most Etika threads. I think the last one I opened (until someone brought his I'm Sorry video thread up to me) was the first time he had an incident with the police. I can't even remember which specific instance that one was. But the nature of the discussion was already inappropriate and I couldn't do it.

EDIT: my phone often doesn't work properly on Era so I hit send too soon. Apologies:

I can see that there have been people who go too far when someone makes a mistake. And it's important that we call that out. But again, it's very hard when the other side of that discussion often reads like a GAF raid party.

Tbh that is emblematic of most discourse around here - threads about hot topics regularly devolve into a dichotomous framing and you will be shuffled onto a side regardless of if you agree with either. Words get put in mouths, generalizations get made, Era is both too progressive and not progressive enough. And those sides usually have nothing to do with the groups who are being affected by the topic. Their voices get drowned out.
 
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Lamptramp

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,324
Gera, Germany
Which means more than you could ever have typed. Thank you Lampy, you wonderful friend – you've put smiles on my face before and I appreciate you. I hope that you can resolve, or have resolved, some of the things you're shouldering. If you ever need to unbind, just let me know.
I will do, and same to you. You know how it is, the tendrils are there especially with self doubt and trying to be open. I couldn't even imagine I would ever dream about a future for so long. I have a wife and 2 wonderful Daughters who can delight me in such ways. It's good, its hard too but easier, every day a little easier.
Sorry I struggled just as much to pen this, especially since your reply made me cry :D I've enjoyed every interaction we've had here so far and I truly look forward to many more, and I can't wait to hear how your children have delighted you.
 
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stupei

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,683
Dude had a lot to say and got banned (now rescinded, fair enough) almost straight away because of a buzz phrase. It's an unhelpful one for sure, but it being like a red rag to a bull and worthy of a straight up ban? Not for me. People are allowed to be hurt, to not like the phrase, entirely understandable. But that kind of outright dismissing everything and being hostile because of problematic things is why the original etika thread was such a mess in the first place.
It's sort of a complicated subject. With a lot of topics that people are sensitive to there are certain words which are certainly very hurtful; but when it comes to mental illness and particularly people who are currently feeling vulnerable and suicidal certain words and triggers can be genuinely dangerous. I'm glad the mods were willing to reconsider when they decided the user was here to discuss in good faith, but I would honestly rather a small handful of people get wrongfully banned rather than people say things that could potentially result in people being very dangerously hurt and have that go unchecked.

I don't think it's because it's problematic, but rather that when it comes to the topic of mental health things that are problematic are also potentially dangerous.

I was banned in the other thread for wrongfully blurting out that etika wasn't worthy of empathy since all I could think about was the negative reports of the things he said and did. In fact, that was all I was exposed to when it came to him. I didn't watch his content and didn't follow his struggles. The way I knew of him was from sources that were trying to tear him down, and well that easily became my opinion too since many things I read were upsetting to me.

He never seemed mentally ill though from the distance I was seeing him at. I just saw him as excruciatingly immature to the point where I thought he was a stunted Youtuber looking for any attention and not aware of how he was impacting others in his worse moments. And also as nothing more than a character he plays known as "etika" .... which made it hard to see him as the actual person, Desmond, that was burning himself to the ground as a cry for help. So many of us made this mistake and I really wish I could have seen through him to know he was actually a good guy going through an inner struggle.

Hearing about his death was very sad and I regret the negative feelings I had towards him when he was alive. I knew little about him, but social media makes it that you know just enough about the person to hate them if nothing else. I'm really sorry I fell into that cycle of thinking with etika, who needed help and ended up being taken by such negativity. But I'm going to be better towards others in these situations, I just hope his suicide reached others to change them in the same.
I really hope one good thing this could lead to is a lot more people reevaluating like this. Thank you.
 

Neiteio

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,053
Lots of men die never really showing their true selves, think about that.

They die wearing a mask. A mask of masculinity.

It's the biggest plight guys face today and unironically only guys can really fix it.
Guys screw up each other's minds by pushing the bogus narrative that you gotta be "tough," you gotta be "cool," etc.

Just... be kind to others, first and foremost. And beyond that, be yourself. Don't march to anyone's beat but your own.

This includes being vulnerable. Honestly, it's a sign of strength to be able to show one's feelings on the outside.

If manhood is "strength," then maybe true strength should be seen as being yourself and being kind to others.

As for Etika's passing, if any good comes of it, hopefully it's that we realize a true progressive strives to see humanity in all.
 

K.Jack

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,226
Dark Space
I can understand that everybody has a different story, but what are the contributing factors? Maybe you are right, and i can not understand it because i don't feel that way. Yes the hurt and pain is there, but i process and coop with it differently. Is it then will or willpower, or no self worth?
What you don't understand is that people have no control over their brain chemistry. See there is such a thing as irrational depression.

It's what makes people who seem to "have it all" be miserable wrecks. And it's a nightmare because your logical centers completely understand that you shouldn't be feeling as bad as you are. But you just are. There is no escaping it.

Yes a hard life can make a person depressed and damaged. It's natural. But healthy minded people such as yourself don't understand the silent killer type of depression that is just bad luck of the genetic draw.

I wake up every day knowing that no improvement of my life situation will make me feel better in that way, and the pills only go so far. The prospect of living this way for decades is a mountain of dead weight and darkness upon on my shoulders. I'll stop now, but do you get what I'm saying? There are no bootstraps for me to pull.

Staying alive for other's sake is difficult. That is why some can't keep going. But that doesn't make them weak, or cowards. The people dealing with depression and mental illness are the strongest people you'll ever come across, I promise you. The willpower it takes to deal with what those around you don't want to believe exists could move mountains.

I appreciate you wanting to know, because it's a hard thing to understand. You know the sky is blue but to me it's purple. I am glad you are ignorant tbh, because I don't wish the struggle and suffering on anyone.
 

Spinluck

Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
6,527
Florida
Guys screw up each other's minds by pushing the bogus narrative that you gotta be "tough," you gotta be "cool," etc.

Just... be kind to others, first and foremost. And beyond that, be yourself. Don't march to anyone's beat but your own.

This includes being vulnerable. Honestly, it's a sign of strength to be able to show one's feelings on the outside.

If manhood is "strength," then maybe true strength should be seen as being yourself and being kind to others.

As for Etika's passing, if any good comes of it, hopefully it's that we realize a true progressive strives to see humanity in all.
It's not easy to come to terms with at all. But we can take this steps to get somewhere better than where we were before. I know I have, this Etika situation had me doing some introspection.
 

Dekuman

Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,063
I kind of wish people were kinder on Etika related topics when he was still alive. Felt very much like people didn't care/didn't have much to say about him whenever a thread came up.

Pretty sure someone accused him and a bunch of other youtubers for acting on-camera in one of the directs last year. It's great to see all the 'in remembrance' of and etika reaction compilations, but we saw very little positivity or appreciation of it when he was alive.

I doubt what we said or did here mattered to him, but there's a good chance he was aware of this place and people said some of the rudeset and most dismissive things about him just because he's a big youtuber focused on FE, Smash and reaction vids . And this was before his public meltdown earlier this year.
 

Maverick14

Member
Feb 16, 2019
14
How does my saying "Your well-intentioned choice of action is counterproductive to the goal we'd all like to achieve" "reek of intolerance toward mods" as you put it? How are you seeing any iota of intolerance in there at all, let alone it "reeking" of it?
Because that is not the bit that reeks of intolerance. This is:

" but the answer to this toxicity is not to appease people looking for more bans, but to encourage civility and course correction and forgiveness. The emphasis you guys put on punishing wrongdoers is exactly how we end up with a community that treats Wrongdoer Etika the way they did. Your "solution" to the community is the exact opposite of what it should be, and is counterproductive."

1. Encouraging civility in a way that achieves civility is incredibly difficult in this medium...the job of a mod is really hard and it deserves to be acknowledged. Your tone suggests an inherent failing when the reality is just how difficult it is.

2. You accuse them of fanning the flames of the intolerance that contributed to someone's suicide because their control systems emphasise punishment..to the point of partially holding them responsible by association. Aside from being an enormous leap that fails to acknowledge that most if not all discussion forums have to contend with poisonous discourse because of the inherent nature of the medium..how do you think a moderator reading that after already posting anguished reflections would feel?
 

SonicXtreme

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,252
watched a ton of etika on YT while i was goin to bed last night. such a bummer man.

i had to save a sibling from a suicide attempt a few years ago. they downed hundreds of pills and shot out an email-will; didn't say they did anything, but i knew, and was hours away. by chance (i rarely check emails as i get them, ESPECIALLY if i'm driving), i looked down and saw the from address, and immediately opened it and scrambled to get ahold of someone; i got ahole of a nearby relative who got there, and got the cops/landlord to break in and retrieve them, in a coma, to eventually be lifeflighted to the nearest hospital , where i drove down to spend a few days by their side until they finally was able to wake up and come out of it. they're still alive and enjoying things in life to this day, still with troubles, but still happy to be alive. i wish the same could've happened to etika with his 'i'm sorry' video, but never give up on people, especially when they start not acting like themselves, it could be when they need someone the most.
 
Oct 27, 2017
9,471
Rest in peace Etika, I hope this leads to at least some assholes thinking about mental health, but I doubt it.


My favorite reaction from him, character or not, dude had a passion for Nintendo.
I really wanted to see the kind of dude Etika would've become years down the line. He was such a energetic, joyful dude. I remember watching his Attack on Titan tribute game as my first experience with him. I was watching Season 1 as well and was insanely hyped about the series. Seeing another black dude get hyped about the series like that was kinda like having a friend into the same shit as me. I really didn't have much of that in high school. I also struggle with mental health issues as well, so a big part of me was pulling for him to get through it because, in my mind, seeing another black anime/video game nerd get through that shit... was proof that it was possible. That it was real...and conquerable. That someone like me could do it. And, while I have never attempted suicide and have no desire to do so at all in the present or the future, it saddens me to dude who is a lot like me end it all like that. A part of me is gonna watch Attack on Titan with him in mind. A story of hope against all odds. A story with characters who have had their lives destroyed but still work towards a better future. I think everyone can take something from that.
 

Yerba_Sutra

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,311
Appalachia
Anyone know if there are any Joycon Boyz shirts for sale anywhere where the money will go to a decent human/cause? That was Etika's thing and not something he was repping for someone else, right?
 

SalvaPot

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,993
So, quick question.

I run an anime store, but I also run a service when I bring stuff to México. A client just asked me to get this shirt for him: https://etikaworldnetwork.myshopify.com/products/rip-etika-joycon-boyz-premium-short-sleeve-unisex-t-shirt


My client loved Etika and I'm sure this is part of his grieving, that is fine, but I can't help but feel weird about it. This feels weird.

So my question is: Is the money going to Etika's family or some part of the money goes to a charity to help people with depression and suicidal tendencies?

Thank you.
 

Yerba_Sutra

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,311
Appalachia
So, quick question.

I run an anime store, but I also run a service when I bring stuff to México. A client just asked me to get this shirt for him: https://etikaworldnetwork.myshopify.com/products/rip-etika-joycon-boyz-premium-short-sleeve-unisex-t-shirt


My client loved Etika and I'm sure this is part of his grieving, that is fine, but I can't help but feel weird about it. This feels weird.

So my question is: Is the money going to Etika's family or some part of the money goes to a charity to help people with depression and suicidal tendencies?

Thank you.
Thanks for bringing this up because it might be exactly what I'm looking for. The site at least states:

This website will commit 100% of its profits towards NAMI, the National Association of Mental Illness, in Desmond's name. #JOYCONBOYZFOREVER.

For more details on how profits will be spent please visit the main website: https://etikaworldnetwork.com/ or feel free to contact BLOCKHEAD GAMING: [email protected]
 

Books

Banned
Feb 4, 2019
1,965
This reminds a little of the throw away attitude we treat child actors once they've reach the end of their shelf life. They're shunned by everyone and the occasional update (usually something bad) is just another opportunity for the peanut gallery to cast stones.

I can't imagine what it's like to grow up where your every move is scrutinized, but I started to hold my tongue better when given a chance to talk negatively about any person in the spotlight.