Older women giving young men unsolicited compliments (See Staff Post)

Jokab

Member
Oct 28, 2017
767
This is a thing that I've been experiencing for a good while now. Older women give me, often sexual, compliments and comments in discomforting ways.

A concrete example from yesterday. I was at the doctor and a nurse was taking over the rest of the treatment. When she came in she blurted out "ohh what a good-looking young man, it will be nice to treat you" and then added a "mmm" kind of under her breath. Creepy.

This is not an uncommon occurrence, neither from strangers like this nurse nor from people I know like co-workers. Older women in my team will grab my arm when standing next to me talking and one put her hand on my leg when sitting.

I find this behavior very uncomfortable and I feel like it's way more accepted and often laughed off among most people, compared to the same being done to young women. I realize the balance of power is not the same, but I find it odd how accepted it is to e.g. call a young guy hot in a professional setting and no one bats an eye. When I've told others about this I've been told to "be a man" and "just accept the compliment" or that I'm humble bragging.

Any other guys experiencing this a lot? How do you handle it?
 

Vern

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,514
Yep older ladies always are calling me handsome and pinching my cheeks and talking about how big and grown up I am.
 

Mr Swine

The Fallen
Oct 26, 2017
2,591
Sweden
Never experienced that but that is because I’m not attractive enough for the opposite sex. But that sounds like sexual harassment
 

Sesha

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,137
I haven't experienced it from older women. I'd find it uncomfortable and inappropriate, though. Same for any person. I'd rather people wait until they knew me better and perhaps until we both flirt on some level before dishing out comments or trying to touch me.

Echoing the comments that uninvited touching like that is unequivocally sexual harassment and not okay under any circumstances.
 

Acorn

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,972
Scotland
Yeah I get the handsome stuff, I don't mind gives me a boost. Just wish they were 30 years younger ha
 

halcyjon

Member
Mar 22, 2018
89
Ireland
I look young for my age and older women (40+) sometimes mistake my youthfulness for handsomeness. It's a little strange but flattering more than anything.
 

Izzard

Member
Sep 21, 2018
1,474
I get this. No idea why though, as I’m butterz. There’s a woman at work who insists on a kiss every shift, and also grabs my bum on the odd occasion. I tend to laugh it off as I get on with her really well. Some people are like that, and they’ll all be gone in natural time of things.

My experience with this kind of thing is that it’s dismissed more often than not as a joke. I was being stalked, though not intensely, by a guy who I declined when he asked me out. Was going on for a little while, and it was pretty annoying tbh. I found most people I’d mention it to made jokes about it, with just one person taking it seriously.
 

Solar Puffin

Member
Oct 8, 2018
3,786
Sydney
I understand why it might make one uncomfortable, but I'm so starved for compliments that it makes me a tad jealous of you.
But yeah, it's def sexual harassment, maybe speak up? A lot of women have been conditioned to think men are horndogs 24/7 and they may not realize that they are making you uncomfortable.
Or maybe they do know and just don't care. Older people can be really entitled.
 

julian

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,840
Let her have her little fantasy. She’ll be dead soon.

Edit: thread appears to have turned into a graveyard, so just in case I’ll post my actual thoughts from later in the thread here.
 
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darz1

Member
Dec 18, 2017
2,491
As you noted there is a power imbalance that favors men in society so I usually just let them make their comments because i dont feel threatened.

Touching however is not ok.

The comments also wouldnt be ok coming from a superior at work because there is a power imbalance there working the opposite way
 
Oct 25, 2017
9,719
Let them know that it's not OK and tell their work superiors about it if possible. If somebody puts hands on you uninvited, you have a right to defend yourself.
 

flook

Member
Oct 28, 2017
278
Doesn't happen these days but I did have to ask a couple of older women to please stop touching me when I first started my current job. It didn't go down well. I also got sacked from one of my first jobs for refusing the obvious sexual advances from my bosses wife. Still gives me the creeps thinking about it to this day.
 

Tokyo_Funk

Member
Dec 10, 2018
2,846
When I was 21 I was working as a chef in a Greek/Italian restaurant and there was a group of women aged between 35-50 who were having a bucks night. One of the waitstaff said they wanted to "Speak to the chef". I came over to the table and they complimented the food, which was fine, then they asked if I wanted to eat them and I should "Get under the table". I politely told them I was working, some of them waited and ambushed me as I finished my shift and wanted me to "come dancing" and "come for a fuck". I had a partner at the time and I had to say something.

I was at the shopping mall near me 2 weeks ago and one of the ladies who was in late 40s early 50s suggested I come and "lick her sugar" if I wanted some for my coffee. No thanks.
 

Grug

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,785
So I just had surgery recently, and suffered from acute urinary retention afterwards which required me to wear a catheter bag for a week or so. I’m 38.

Yesterday I had it taken out and the nurse (right as she grabbed my junk) said something along the lines of “I’ve gotta say, this is much more enjoyable for me than the older guys I normally have to deal with”.

I laughed, because it was funny and eased the awkwardness. But afterwards it did occur to me how not cool it would be if the genders were reversed. I get that gender power dynamics are a thing but you really don’t have any power when someone is pulling a tube out of your urethra.
 

Adventureracing

The Fallen
Nov 7, 2017
2,878
I’m a young male nurse and I get his on a daily basis often multiple times. Some of it’s a bit embarrassing actually.
 

Deleted member 34385

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 26, 2017
459
I like it. as a man i dont often receive compliments often and these things help me boost my confidence a little. on the other hand, TOUCHING YOU IS NOT OK IN ANY WAY IF YOU DO NOT APPROVE IT!.
 

NameUser

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,396
The touching is inappropriate I'd tell them to stop. But the calling you handsome isn't really that big of a deal. I'd try not to let that bother you because if you look good, people will comment. I've seen older women say that to younger ones too.

If you're hot--embrace it! Just don't let them touch you.

But if you walk around like, "I don't want anyone to ever acknowledge my good looks," then people will think you have a stick up your ass. I'm not saying you should tolerate gross, sexual comments. But someone calling you handsome shouldn't bother you.
 
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bad kitty

Member
Sep 7, 2018
366
Babylon
User Banned (2 Weeks): Excusing sexual harassment
Yep older ladies always are calling me handsome and pinching my cheeks and talking about how big and grown up I am.
🤣🤣

"come to auntie let her see how much you grew up"

Mod Edit: Image removed.

Let them know that it's not OK and tell their work superiors about it if possible. If somebody puts hands on you uninvited, you have a right to defend yourself.

yes, def tell on that nurse to her superiors that she called you a handsome young man, she must pay!!
 
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SuperBanana

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,815
I've had it a few times. I liked it. I've had a couple women grope and caress me out of no where. I wasn't upset over it but I wasn't a fan of that.
 
Dec 5, 2018
611
Bethesda, North Wales
I’ve got the hair of a late 90’s Florida death metal singer, as in its poker straight and reaches near enough my waist.

I get more compliments on my hair than anything else, especially from women 50+ and that was an order of magnitude more common when I visit family in America, I’ve had so many people stop me to talk about my hair, ask if it was real, touch it etc.

It’s kinda cool, I like it honestly! However, if what’s happening to you makes you feel uncomfortable say so, not saying something when you are uncomfortable only hurts you
 

tommy7154

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
5,370
I get it sometimes (I have no idea why) and if its just a quick comment then whatever I can laugh it off or say thanks and move on. One woman I work with gave me a compliment and then said she would keep going but she better not say it at work. So that felt good because I never get compliments.

There was this lady I worked with though that would give people back rubs and it was super awkward. Don't do that shit. A comment here and there is fine (to me) but don't touch.
 

Shugga

Member
Oct 25, 2017
20,788
When I was 21 I was working as a chef in a Greek/Italian restaurant and there was a group of women aged between 35-50 who were having a bucks night. One of the waitstaff said they wanted to "Speak to the chef". I came over to the table and they complimented the food, which was fine, then they asked if I wanted to eat them and I should "Get under the table". I politely told them I was working, some of them waited and ambushed me as I finished my shift and wanted me to "come dancing" and "come for a fuck". I had a partner at the time and I had to say something.

I was at the shopping mall near me 2 weeks ago and one of the ladies who was in late 40s early 50s suggested I come and "lick her sugar" if I wanted some for my coffee. No thanks.
Holy shit talk about thirst
 

Rael

Member
Oct 26, 2017
589
Compliments are usually fine for me, but once a lady grabbed my butt and told me that she could tell I'm working out. That was way over the line.
I'm definitely not the most handsome guy so I assume it gets much worse
 

ishan

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,192
I mean if it bugs you youre within your rights to be annoyed by it. Also to tell them to avoid it politely at first and if it gets too much pointedly.

The only time its happened with me is this girl who kept getting all touchy feeley while I wasnt into it. Didnt pay it much heed till she started grabbing my ass often then I just avoided her for a while and just walked away anytime I saw her etc. A while later she got the point and doesnt do it anymore so no overall harm done as far as im concerned.
 

TAJ

Member
Oct 28, 2017
6,149
No strange woman has ever complimented me on anything. I received my first almost-compliment I was 33. She wanted to know if my eye color was real.
 

mangopositive

The Fallen
Oct 28, 2017
842
Heh... I'm 42 and I've been married for 15 years. I welcome any and all unsolicited compliments and innuendo. Probably a "beggars and choosers" thing.
 

Mr. Giggles

Member
Oct 31, 2017
684
I had it happen to me too, a coworker was telling me how she hasnt been laid in years and giving me weird looks.... she was an old lady too so I was trying not to cringe in her face
 

phonicjoy

Member
Jun 19, 2018
2,404
I've had women grabbing my ass. Even when it's someone attractive, it's always awkward.
 
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Ducarmel

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,115
Once in a while I'll get a comment and ask to smile if I have a serious mood coming from me. It feels like harmeless flirting and a way to cut the tension of meeting a stranger. I doubt these women expect anything more than a flirty comment back.

I do want to clarify I have never got any r rated comments or been touched inappropriately
 

siteseer

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,272
ps4, pc
i was just out of university and hanging out with a friend at a bar when i was approached by an older woman who asked me to dance. i awkwardly declined. thing is this woman, another female, and their male friend were kind of known around the bar and club scene in our small city, they liked to dress up as a group, always stylishly, and sometimes as characters like a pilot and flight stewardess or cruise ship captain and crew, etc. my friend and i had a good laugh about it because she knew of this group as well and told me after the fact that she would've liked to have known what their deal was had i gotten to know them.
 

Oreiller

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,245
Oh my god, yes. It happened to me in a music festival once, these two 50yo were talking about me as if I was a piece of meat and one of them tried to grab my ass. They were absolutely plastered but I still felt really unconfortable.
 

Wombat_Lover

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Jan 20, 2019
527
Also, there's nothing wrong dating an older woman. I'm currently in a 9 yr relationship with a chick 14/15yrs older than me. Right now I'm 32 and she is almost 47.
 

Grug

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,785
Without wanting to resort to cliches about “OMG double standards”, I note the OP said it made him genuinely uncomfortable and asked for advice.

If a woman posted a similar sentiment here, anyone accusing her of a humble brag would almost certainly (and rightfully) get their butt virtually kicked.
 
Oct 26, 2017
2,516
I feel like there has to be a difference depending on what both people are okay with. If you're joking around in a mutual friendship, you can do things that would be inappropriate elsewhere. Getting comments from "strangers" might be acceptable if they don't bother you but they should also stop if you say so.

Aka think before you speak/act.