Older women giving young men unsolicited compliments (See Staff Post)

Nov 16, 2017
958
Not to that level, and there's never been any touching.

Once, I walked into work around the same time as a few 50 plus ladies I've known for a few years but don't have much interaction with. I had to endure an awkward the elevator ride up several floors to compliments and comments about how my shoes were nice, I'm a such a nice young man, how "I've grown into a good looking man" and "no longer looked like a boy" like when I first started here. I've also heard that my wife must be taking care good care of me/feeding me well more than a couple times too.

I guess I was a skinny kid at 24 and looked younger than my age. I chalked it up to culture (we're all black) and age, but I was caught off guard and only managed to smile, laugh nervously, and say thanks.
 
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Nov 17, 2017
4,916
I don't know what I expected reading through this thread but it's incredible how many people's response to OP saying he feels uncomfortable by this are giving responses like "I love dating older women!"

Like, holy shit, imagine if the genders were reversed and people were saying "I really like dating older men/dads so I love when this happens." Do you people not even understand what you're saying here?

How old we talking here? I've found that women in their 40s are down if you make a move.
Uhh...

I find this behavior very uncomfortable
Why exactly is this your response to OP? He's clearly not comfortable with this, why would he make a move?
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,394
Miami, FL
The most egregious and uncomfortable instance of this that I experienced was when I was training a new hire in my previous position at work. This older woman kept complimenting me, grabbed me around the arm on two occasions while walking to the meeting room where I was training her, and tried to get close and touch me while I was sitting next her training her. It was unwanted and it made me feel extremely grossed out - I felt like a piece of meat that was ready to prey upon. After the first two days I made it obvious that she should stop and she did improve her behavior. She left the company within 2 weeks so I never had to see her again at work.

That whole thing happened back in 2011, I think. A couple months again I saw her at Walmart for the first time since then and my heart skipped a beat. I immediately felt that gross feeling all over again. Nothing happened though as I went about paying for my groceries but seeing her made me flashback and it did not feel great. The whole experience has really given me perspective.

Edit: Forgot to address the OP's questions. OP, I would do something about that behavior through body language and verbally as well. Easier said than done of course. One is always afraid of rocking the boat at work when it comes to sensitive issues such as this.
 
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Oct 30, 2017
1,903
Once I thought I had a group of women cat call me when I was jogging past a cafe. I went back around the block and sure enough they were because the one statement I remember is " I wanna piece of that chocolate." That made me slightly uncomfortable (On the bright side I did meet my current GF out of that group). I also had a woman tell me when I was in uniform that my uniform made her wanna see my dick. Which I thought was hilarious.


I generally feel like women put up with so much shit if a few want to blow off steam and say stuff like that to me I can deal with it.
 
Jan 12, 2018
292
While it is great when people are in a position that they feel they can speak up to stop the unwanted behavior, it's not their responsibility to put themselves at risk. Its the responsibility of the creeper to not creep. Some of the posts in here telling men to just tell these women to stop are edging into victim-blamey territory. Whether its a freeze reflex or fear of social or work-related repercussions, not responding does not make you responsible for being harassed. That is all on the person who decided to harass you.
 
Oct 26, 2017
3,105
Clemson, SC
Funny seeing this, my fiancee literally told me yesterday that all the female teachers at her school were sending a picture around of a male officer that just started there.

They were referring to him as the "Hot Cop" and "The Eye-candy". There were like 30+ women in the group. I immediately said, would you..or any of them be ok with this if all the male teachers/faculty were taking pictures of the "hot new student teacher" or "Miss Eye-candy"?? She said "Definitely not!" She went on to say that she just ignored the group and didn't add anyone to the conversation or pass the picture around.

One woman in the group ended up getting onto them, and like half the women went off on her.

I was surprised by how "public" they were with it..I mean it was top level Administration down to one of the lunch ladies.
 
Bunch of fucking idiots are really showing their arses in this thread, making light out of OP's experience.
Fuck you lot.


I've had something like this happen but never with an older woman, it was a classmate during a trip. It's a shit feeling.
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,102
I got it quite a lot when I was younger due to a job I had delivering and hanging paintings to rich people. It was amazing the things that would be said to me during the day by lonely housewives. I usually enjoyed it myself as it was a huge confidence boost. It more often than not was usually playful as well.

One of them became quite bad however. It was like a bad movie. A women wound up stalking me at my job and after a month or so of harassment her husband almost shot me with a handgun as he claimed I was trespassing on their property even though it was his crazy wife who kept purchasing paintings so I could come hang them. Shit was crazy. Truth be told if she was better looking I probably would have seriously considered things. She was just average, twice my age at least, and at the time I had a truly beautiful girlfriend.
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,167
If you read the thread you'll see that some people have been fired for bringing this stuff up. It's not that easy. Also you will likely get called a pussy/not a man/it's all fun and games/etc etc.
Yeah, just look at like half the posts in this thread itself...
 
I had a supervisor who was into younger men that clearly had a thing for me. She is about 15 years older than me and was going through a divorce when I was on her team about 10 years ago. She was low key about it when I worked for her, so I thought I was imagining it. She became more direct when I transferred to a different department, and now when I bump into her she asks if I'm single in different ways and compliments my appearance. I only see her once or twice a year, so it doesn't happen often. I've never reported it because it never happened while I was reporting to her or at work, just when I've seen her around town.
 

Zoe

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,764
Funny seeing this, my fiancee literally told me yesterday that all the female teachers at her school were sending a picture around of a male officer that just started there.

They were referring to him as the "Hot Cop" and "The Eye-candy". There were like 30+ women in the group. I immediately said, would you..or any of them be ok with this if all the male teachers/faculty were taking pictures of the "hot new student teacher" or "Miss Eye-candy"?? She said "Definitely not!" She went on to say that she just ignored the group and didn't add anyone to the conversation or pass the picture around.

One woman in the group ended up getting onto them, and like half the women went off on her.

I was surprised by how "public" they were with it..I mean it was top level Administration down to one of the lunch ladies.
Education is the worst. We had the around-30 CEO of a vendor giving a demonstration to admin (so nearly all older women), and they kept throwing comments at him throughout the day. Each time he turned bright red, and that probably just spurred them on.
 
Oct 27, 2017
6,943
I've never had this problem but on several occasions I've experienced women make weird comments about my toddler son while out with him.

"Can you be my boyfriend?"
"I'll wait and come back for you in 18 years"
"I want to take you home and make you my BF"
"Hey sexy!"
 
Oct 26, 2017
2,250
I can't imagine they wouldn't respect your wishes not to do it if you told them not to. Society hasn't really pointed this out as an issue so they probably don't see it as one by default.
 

Git

Member
Oct 26, 2017
2,404
I can't imagine they wouldn't respect your wishes not to do it if you told them not to. Society hasn't really pointed this out as an issue so they probably don't see it as one by default.
In my experience telling them to fuck off does nothing.
 
Nov 8, 2017
3,187
Ohio
I was a server at a small pub and once got my ass smacked by an older woman during a party.
I've never had this problem but on several occasions I've experienced women make weird comments about my toddler son while out with him.

"Can you be my boyfriend?"
"I'll wait and come back for you in 18 years"
"I want to take you home and make you my BF"
"Hey sexy!"
Wait, they're calling your toddler sexy and asking him to be their boyfriend? That's kinda weird.
 
Oct 26, 2017
2,250
I was a server at a small pub and once got my ass smacked by an older woman during a party.


Wait, they're calling your toddler sexy and asking him to be their boyfriend? That's kinda weird.
That boyfriend thing seems to be almost standard practice in Scotland. Hear it all the time.
 
Nov 11, 2017
1,240
Florida
when I worked at Gamestop older women (and maybe not not even that old, like 40 and up) would comment about how cute I was and my hair color/cut. And often times they'd just put their hand on my head and ruffle my hair. It was super uncomfortable but the fear of "don't piss off the customer" kept me from telling them to stop or reporting it as uncomfortable or whatever.

Plus, I have a distinct feeling my DM would have been like "lol it's not that bad" or "you're gay - that shouldn't bother you." so yeah. Don't touch people without permission.
 

Vern

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,979
Downplaying sexual harassment is never acceptable.
I don’t know if you don’t get the joke or what but I didn’t downplay the OPs sexual harassment problem, I didn’t even make any comment on it at all. If you want me to make it clear for you, that was a joke about grannies and aunties seeing you at the holidays and commenting on you growing up, the joke was that that I’m clueless, not about sexual harassment. Also to make it clear, I do not support or condone anyone being sexually harassed. Hope that helps.
 
Nov 16, 2017
958
I've never had this problem but on several occasions I've experienced women make weird comments about my toddler son while out with him.

"Can you be my boyfriend?"
"I'll wait and come back for you in 18 years"
"I want to take you home and make you my BF"
"Hey sexy!"
This brings back a memory from when I was a teenager (I'm guessing somewhere around 15).

I remember picking a game/snacks or whatever from the local convenience store/movie rental place and when it was time to pay, a cashier I'd never seen before told me that I should come find her when I'm older/turn 18. She was fine and had to be at least 18, so I felt like the man, honestly.
 
Nov 15, 2017
2,874
I've had this happen my entire adult life and it's always uncomfortable for me but it's something i've learned to accept when it comes to working with older women.
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,256
Yeah I get the handsome stuff, I don't mind gives me a boost. Just wish they were 30 years younger ha
Yea I mean I have the 40+ cougars at work whistle and joke from time to time.

As much as I'd like to say it's rude and a double standard... I like it.

However - I feel that as men we are typically not complimented (or even recognized) for our looks unless we're just Brad Pitt levels of handsome ... whereas pretty much any woman anywhere can and will be hit on by some dude.

So we end up a wee bit more starved for attention (thus why I'm probably ok with it, as opposed to if women were just staring at me 24/7 and trying to ask me out all the time).
 
Oct 25, 2017
2,375
I once got my ass pinched by a woman as I was walking down the street. At first I thought it was someone trying to pickpocket me, so I turned around ready to get into a fight, but then I saw it was a woman and didn't know how to react. I just gave her a dirty look and moved on.

I felt kind of helpless to be honest.
 
Oct 29, 2017
2,083
This hasn't been uncommon for me, both verbal and physical advances, but I generally try to respond positively. I'm glad that people feel comfortable enough with me to pursue those sort of interactions. Of course, anyone who is asked to stop should stop.

I don't think the rule should be "no touching or flirting allowed," that's pushing us closer to becoming robots. Instead, people should feel empowered to gently engage in those behaviors with the person they're attracted to, while also having the sense to back off if that person declines. This is the ideal future, where consent is paramount and both the predators and the Puritans become extreme minorities.
 
Oct 27, 2017
1,241
Denver, CO
User banned (1 week): excusing sexual harassment, ignoring mod-post
This feels like a stealth brag thread. Do you really need advice on how to receive a compliment about your being so good looking, OP? If it makes you uncomfortable, say something. Otherwise, just accept the compliment and go on with your day.
 
Oct 25, 2017
12,700
I don't think the rule should be "no touching or flirting allowed," that's pushing us closer to becoming robots. Instead, people should feel empowered to gently engage in those behaviors with the person they're attracted to, while also having the sense to back off if that person declines. This is the ideal future, where consent is paramount and both the predators and the Puritans become extreme minorities.
Yeah nah.
 
Oct 27, 2017
6,906
This feels like a stealth brag thread. Do you really need advice on how to receive a compliment about your being so good looking, OP? If it makes you uncomfortable, say something. Otherwise, just accept the compliment and go on with your day.
Someone did not read the mod warning

Also this is really disgusting thing to say.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,136
This feels like a stealth brag thread. Do you really need advice on how to receive a compliment about your being so good looking, OP? If it makes you uncomfortable, say something. Otherwise, just accept the compliment and go on with your day.
Really? I mean there is even a staff note about this crap.
 
Nov 17, 2017
4,916
This feels like a stealth brag thread. Do you really need advice on how to receive a compliment about your being so good looking, OP? If it makes you uncomfortable, say something. Otherwise, just accept the compliment and go on with your day.
Didn't even take a few seconds to read to OP or the Staff Post, huh?
 

onyx

Member
Dec 25, 2017
126
I experienced this when I was younger. My old sister had friends that are 8 years older than them and they would always flirt with me, smack my butt, or kiss me. That happened from about age 9 to 15. Much older women would also compliment me, put their arm around me, or rub my shoulders. I didn't mind my sister's friends but I found the older women creepy.

What I found stranger were the women who tried to hook me up with their younger daughters that were not even close to my age. It's very awkward when a 7 year old at the school I was volunteering at is going around telling everyone that I'm their 12 year old sister's boyfriend. It's even worse when their mother calls me son-in-law.
 
Nov 20, 2017
1,670
I encounter this sporadically, usually when shopping. I had a woman who must have been in her 80's go out of her way to accost me, grab and squeeze my arm really hard, and say something to the effect of "watch out or you might run over me" with some very clear sexual overtones. I muttered "please stop touching me" and broke away as fast as I could. I wasn't even being the least bit inconsiderate, she slowed down to a complete stop and blocked my path with her friend, and I stopped and waited for them to get out of the way. I was already walking very slowly before this happened.

I felt really gross about it afterwards. If I were to lay hands on anyone like that, I would fully expect the hammer to come down on me.
 
Oct 27, 2017
10,086
This is blatant sexual harassment, particularly the sexual comments and unwanted touching. Highly inappropriate. Some of the more mild comments probably don't rise to that standard, but any sort of mentions of sexual behavior or the kind of touching you are describing (rubbing your arms or thighs) are absolutely sexual harassment and out of line.

Pretty gross to see people dismissing this sort of harassment. Someone touching you or making sexual comments to you without your consent is not "just a compliment".
 
Nov 17, 2017
4,916
This hasn't been uncommon for me, both verbal and physical advances, but I generally try to respond positively. I'm glad that people feel comfortable enough with me to pursue those sort of interactions. Of course, anyone who is asked to stop should stop.

I don't think the rule should be "no touching or flirting allowed," that's pushing us closer to becoming robots. Instead, people should feel empowered to gently engage in those behaviors with the person they're attracted to, while also having the sense to back off if that person declines. This is the ideal future, where consent is paramount and both the predators and the Puritans become extreme minorities.
I don't think we're at any sort of risk of becoming robots who are unable to engage in flirting. Plenty of people are able to flirt and show their interest in each other without a problem. I think it's pretty clear in context when that shit is not welcome and you shouldn't do it. Like with OP's example with the nurse, if you're a nurse and you want to hit on your patient with a sexual comment... maybe don't?
 
Oct 29, 2017
2,083
Nah to what? Consent?

I don't think we're at any sort of risk of becoming robots who are unable to engage in flirting. Plenty of people are able to flirt and show their interest in each other without a problem. I think it's pretty clear in context when that shit is not welcome and you shouldn't do it. Like with OP's example with the nurse, if you're a nurse and you want to hit on your patient with a sexual comment... maybe don't?
Totally. My point is that it should be a matter of social awareness and context rather than rigid policy, which we seem to agree on.
 

i-hate-u

Banned
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,951
What's so hard about not talking flirtatiously, touching, hitting on, or making any inappropriate comments in towards strangers?

What the hell is wrong with people and why can't they mind their own business?
 

tommyz2kool

Banned
Member
Dec 13, 2017
646
User Banned (2 Weeks): Excusing sexual harassment over multiple posts
This falls under the category of random annoying things I have to deal with such as someone turning slow af at an intersection when they have the green arrow.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,374
I'm 31, living in a small town with a lot of older women(been here since I was 27) and I get this sort of attention from time to time. I usually try not to overthink it but in some cases it is unwelcome, yes.
 
Nov 17, 2017
4,916
Nah to what? Consent?


Totally. My point is that it should be a matter of social awareness and context rather than rigid policy, which we seem to agree on.
I guess I'm confused here because you seem concerned about an issue that doesn't really exist. The thread is about when it's done without consent and is inappropriate due to several factors, not normal and acceptable flirting which you seemed to imply was in danger of being wiped out in your post.
 
Sep 14, 2018
382
This hasn't been uncommon for me, both verbal and physical advances, but I generally try to respond positively. I'm glad that people feel comfortable enough with me to pursue those sort of interactions. Of course, anyone who is asked to stop should stop.

I don't think the rule should be "no touching or flirting allowed," that's pushing us closer to becoming robots. Instead, people should feel empowered to gently engage in those behaviors with the person they're attracted to, while also having the sense to back off if that person declines. This is the ideal future, where consent is paramount and both the predators and the Puritans become extreme minorities.
Well your ideal future doesn't seem to take into consideration power imbalances in these behaviors. As if "declining" was the answer to people in a position of power relative to the person they're harrasing "touching or flirting" with them. Not to mention retaliation, pressure to stay quiet etc.

And predators = puritans? get help.