Older women giving young men unsolicited compliments (See Staff Post)

[pants]

They are just working hard to subvert typical gender roles, and you should be too!

(Ugh, yeah, its the worst feeling after being aggressively hit on and understanding what women put up with on a daily basis - after some weird experiences I just wanted to issue a blanket apology to everyone everywhere I ever thought might have enjoyed the attention)

 

[shnurgleton]

This has happened to me before with women who are like my mothers age so I just chalk it up to some sort of motherly reflex

Oh, and, uh, women therapists reassuring me that I am not disgustingly ugly and am in fact relatively good looking because I have some definite body image problems

 

[VISION]

I work in nursing homes and I'm so desensitized to this that I don't even notice it anymore

 

[I Am Captain America]

 

[Zoc]

I think objectively, saucy words and a little touching are harmless. The issue is when an entire culture becomes centered around only one sex, ie men, doing it (and going much much further) and the opposite sex being silenced and and sabotaged if they even mention it.

So the behavior described here is basically harmless I think. Even mild touching/patting.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

I had a caterer at a work party hit on me pretty hard. She was an older woman, I'm in my 20s, she must have been in her late 40s/early 50s. At first, it just seemed like she was being nice but then she actually left her station to come and talk to me. Then she eventually just straight up said I was cute. I almost didn't believe it so I asked "what?" and another caterer who was with her was like "she's saying you're attractive." She was also about the same age. I just awkwardly laughed and said thanks then walked away.

I definitely was made uncomfortable by it but I just figured I'm not supposed to be bothered by it and should take it as a compliment and a weird, funny story to tell people. So I shrugged it off by this thread reminded me of it. In retrospect, it was a very unprofessional thing for her to do. I still almost feel like I don't have a right to say it made me uncomfortable because women deal with much worse, more often at the same time I should be able to talk about this without dismissing what women face. I think men should be able to express these things though without being ridiculed or told they shouldn't be bothered by it.

This is something people don't take seriously because it's assumed that all men are extremely horny all the time or have big egos and would love any advance on them or a compliment no matter where it's coming from or how it's made. That and the idea that men are supposed to be tough and not be bothered by anything.

Also, there's nothing wrong dating an older woman. I'm currently in a 9 yr relationship with a chick 14/15yrs older than me. Right now I'm 32 and she is almost 47.

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I don't believe OP said there was anything wrong with dating older woman?

Congratulations on the potential GILF sex, OP.

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Imagine if OP was a woman talking about men doing this to them and you said "Congrats on the potential dad sex, OP."

 

[Deleted member 5334]

I kinda wanna admit something that, to this day, still enrages me a bit. This happened to me on my first year of High School, but I wanna say I experienced a little bit of this in Middle School, just to to the same degree.

I was sexually harassed by my male peers. Verbally and physically. Because they thought it'd be funny to touch me in sexual manners and get a laugh out of it, because a lot of people assumed I was gay (as I was struggling with my sexuality back then). Either way, I'd react, and freak out about it a lot.

My mom actually tried to talk with the police that were stationed at the High School (even back in 2004-05, this was a thing in my area) about this and among other issues. And when the whole thing about me being sexually harassed by my peers was brought up? Police basically told my mom, outright "If your son was a girl, we could do something".

Given the way society still views about men being sexually harassed and assaulted, this still infuriates me as it did back then, today. Seriously, man or woman, sexual harassment, assault, etc., is NOT okay.

EDIT: Also, I absolutely have to say some of the comments in this thread are really making me upset. This is NOT okay, people. At all.

 

[Deleted member 2809]

I think objectively, saucy words and a little touching are harmless. The issue is when an entire culture becomes centered around only one sex, ie men, doing it (and going much much further) and the opposite sex being silenced and and sabotaged if they even mention it.

So the behavior described here is basically harmless I think. Even mild touching/patting.

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Nah it's just inappropriate.

 

[Bakercat]

Im into milfs, so id enjoy it alot. However, if you dont feel comfortable, then its not okay. I would find a higher up to one of the women who keep doing it and report it.

 

[jumpsnax]

This is a good problem. Please do not complain.

 

[Deleted member 2809]

This is a good problem. Please do not complain.

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Fuck you.

 

[Turin]

There was an older woman I worked with repeatedly making annoying comments about my dick through the walkie when I worked at Lowe's.

Didn't report her but gave the cold shoulder for a while and she knocked it off.

 

[Oreiller]

I kinda wanna admit something that, to this day, still enrages me a bit. This happened to me on my first year of High School, but I wanna say I experienced a little bit of this in Middle School, just to to the same degree.

I was sexually harassed by my male peers. Verbally and physically. Because they thought it'd be funny to touch me in sexual manners and get a laugh out of it, because a lot of people assumed I was gay (as I was struggling with my sexuality back then). Either way, I'd react, and freak out about it a lot.

My mom actually tried to talk with the police that were stationed at the High School (even back in 2004-05, this was a thing in my area) about this and among other issues. And when the whole thing about me being sexually harassed by my peers was brought up? Police basically told my mom, outright "If your son was a girl, we could do something".

Given the way society still views about men being sexually harassed and assaulted, this still infuriates me as it did back then, today. Seriously, man or woman, sexual harassment, assault, etc., is NOT okay.

EDIT: Also, I absolutely have to say some of the comments in this thread are really making me upset. This is NOT okay, people. At all.

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Man, that's awful. Worst thing is that doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

 

[NoName999]

Why do I have a feeling that some of you guys think this is like some kind scenario in a porno or something?

 

[astro]

I don't feel harassed by it or anything, but it does make me feel uncomfortable and a bit gross.

A compliment is nice, but if you're going to oogle like the OP presents it keep it to yourself.

 

[Fulminator]

it doesn't bother me

if it bothers you though you should say something

 

[Grug]

I kinda wanna admit something that, to this day, still enrages me a bit. This happened to me on my first year of High School, but I wanna say I experienced a little bit of this in Middle School, just to to the same degree.

I was sexually harassed by my male peers. Verbally and physically. Because they thought it'd be funny to touch me in sexual manners and get a laugh out of it, because a lot of people assumed I was gay (as I was struggling with my sexuality back then). Either way, I'd react, and freak out about it a lot.

My mom actually tried to talk with the police that were stationed at the High School (even back in 2004-05, this was a thing in my area) about this and among other issues. And when the whole thing about me being sexually harassed by my peers was brought up? Police basically told my mom, outright "If your son was a girl, we could do something".

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That is just totally shitty man. I'm really sorry you had to go through all that. And to then be so let down by the adults who were meant to have your back.

 

[leafcutter]

Happens to me pretty frequently since I work with the public. It's ALWAYS older women. Like 50+. Usually I find it kind of flattering, but yeah there's been some creepy ones. I guess there's a line somewhere between "your beard is so handsome" and "oh no, you got married? Better guard your sperm." Sounds like you know when someone is crossing your line of comfort, and you don't have to put up with it. Ask them to stop, and file with HR if they don't.

 

[Goat Mimicry]

I always hated going to my dad's work on Saturday mornings because some of the nurses would keep looking at me for far too long and calling me cute or handsome. They were at least in their 50s and I was a teenager so it's not like they were hitting on me, but I still wish they would have left me alone.

You should at ask your coworkers not to touch you if you're up to it, OP. That's textbook sexual harassment and if they ignore you then HR would be able to do something about it.

 

[JealousKenny]

How old we talking here? I've found that women in their 40s are down if you make a move.

 

[StrangeRoboMemory]

I guess there's a line somewhere between "your beard is so handsome" and "oh no, you got married? Better guard your sperm."

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What....did someone actually say this to you?

 

[Prine]

I get this, doesnt bother me though. Seem to be fixated on me when im stretching my hamstrings at the gym. Mostly late 40s to 50s. (im in my 30s)

 

[Shadybiz]

Happens to me occasionally. I'm pushing 40, so I just take it as a compliment and move on. However, it's absolutely understandable that it could make some people uncomfortable, especially if it's in a workplace situation.

 

[Piston]

It happens to me sometimes. I know what you mean.

Some will grab my arm or just be physically touchy in general.

The most common thing I've noticed though is that they will first mention how handsome I am and then mention something about their daughter/granddaughter and how she is probably close in age to me and how amazing she is.

The physical touches make me uncomfortable but the other stuff I find funny because it happens like clockwork.

 

[The_hypocrite]

Guess i'm ugly then :(

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Humble brag/lookism thread

OP too hot for the grannies!!!

In all seriousness, if it's unwanted/makes you uncomfortable it definitely is not acceptable. Tell them to stop it.

 

[Torpedo Vegas]

Only time they speak to me is if they need furniture moved. I'm a human mule.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

This should not need to be said: This is a thread about somebody's experience receiving unwanted sexual attention that makes them uncomfortable. Please treat the topic with respect or do not post.

 

[BasilZero]

It happens to me sometimes. I know what you mean.

Some will grab my arm or just be physically touchy in general.

The most common thing I've noticed though is that they will first mention how handsome I am and then mention something about their daughter/granddaughter and how she is probably close in age to me and how amazing she is.

The physical touches make me uncomfortable but the other stuff I find funny because it happens like clockwork.

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I was approached like that when I was working 10 years ago in retail and it was by a customer who I was helping trying to find the correct batteries...

They mentioned how they had three daughters who want to get married and the customer asked if I was single.

I said I was taken (even though I wasn't at the time lol)

Most awkward encounter I had with a customer at a retail setting lol

 

[Deleted member 8741]

Years ago I was at a job I'd worked at for years. A new woman was hired and was incredibly odd in her 50s. I was in my late 20s. She had made some odd comments a few times in passing about how nice I looked, what I was eating and how fit I was, etc.

One day in the coffee room she was making some weird small talk and started scratching my lower back. She just came up behind me with me even realizing she was there. I was super weirded out and just walked out. She was actually let go a few weeks later for some unrelated stuff, but I can't believe how weird that was still.

 

[Creation_Scapes]

Edited didn't see the mods post earlier.

Never heard of this problem before but can tell it's actually a much bigger deal than I had originally thought.

 

[Deleted member 8741]

Stealth brag thread.

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Stop with this shit.

 

[vypek]

This should not need to be said: This is a thread about somebody's experience receiving unwanted sexual attention that makes them uncomfortable. Please treat the topic with respect or do not post.

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I imagine you'll still see inappropriate comments being made in this thread after this post. Could you add a note in the thread title to read the staff post? Maybe that will help reduce those kinds of posts

 

[Creation_Scapes]

Stop with this shit.

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My bad I just see this type of stuff happen way to much. Hopefully this is actually true and he really is concerned.

 

[Zhukov]

I once fetched a chair for a woman who was at least 70 (I was about 27 at the time).

She responded by telling me, "You're very handsome and I would have been very happy to take you home".

(For the record, I am not remotely handsome. I can maybe scrape average on a good day.)

I was like, "Umm... thanks?" I then departed with considerable haste.

 

[Kyle Cross]

I personally haven't experienced it as I'm not attractive, but I absolutely have been around it happening with other men who are attractive and yeah, it's a problem. Once saw it happen between two co-workers of mine, him a tall and well built 20-year-old, and she a woman in her 60's. We worked at a grocery store, and one day she just straight up squeezed his ass as he was stocking shelves and he certainly didn't like it. She then went and told his girlfriend, who also worked there, what a good catch she got. Just, wtf...

 

[Deleted member 12224]

I've gotten this, in the form of comments, in a couple professional workplaces from superiors.

I internally chuckle at the absurdity of it and take it to mean I'm viewed favorably.

But that's just one individual's experience.

 

[Jokab]

My bad I just see this type of stuff happen way to much. Hopefully this is actually true and he really is concerned.

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Why would I lie about this? Come on man

 

[supernormal]

I get this a lot at work from all ages but older women definitely get more of a comedic reaction from other people. Like literally yesterday while at work I stopped by my old coworkers' office who I hadn't visited since we all got moved around. One of people there was older lady who's not part of the group, though I've worked with her before. She was excited to see me, to the point where I extended my hand to greet her and she held on to my hand for a while, complimenting me and ultimately kissed my hand. Who the fuck does that. Of course no one batted an eye in an office full of people. The issue is absolutely not taken seriously at all.

If you don't wanna make a big deal out it, one thing that's worked before for me is actually mentioning it, even jokingly, to the other female coworkers in your group. They'll put her in check quick.

 

[Deleted member 8741]

Certain comments don't bother me. But grabbing and touching can be really hard and awkward. I'm 6'2 and a youngish, it's hard when that stuff happens to be taken seriously. Most people laugh it off if you share your discomfort and tell you to deal with it.

I recognize compared to many others it's not as bad. My wife is a really cute nurse anesthetist and she gets comments and advances daily. Still doesn't mean im comfortable with my situations.

 

[Creation_Scapes]

Why would I lie about this? Come on man

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Sorry you genuinely had such a bad experience, I personally have never heard about this before. But looking at other posts I see this actually is a problem and should be addressed.

 

[VariantX]

I do notice that older women in my experience are way more touchy-feely than they should be. I'm refilling the case at work and I suddenly feel a pinch on my ass out of nowhere and I think im being bitten or something and i freak out a little. I turn around and this lady was right behind me grinning. Was kind of weirded out for the rest of the day.

 

[Creation_Scapes]

I do notice that older women in my experience are way more touchy-feely than they should be. I'm refilling the case at work and I suddenly feel a pinch on my ass out of nowhere and I think im being bitten or something and i freak out a little. I turn around and this lady was right behind me grinning.

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WTF that's definitely not ok. Did you say anything?

 

[leafcutter]

What....did someone actually say this to you?

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Yeaaah. She (60+ years old) was a regular patron at my work, and had been making comments for months. The typical old lady thirst comments, you're so handsome, tall drink of water, etc. Then when I got married and she noticed my wedding ring for the first time, that was what she said. Super fucking creepy. I asked wtf she was talking about and she basically said not to have kids until I was sure I'm ready... but what a weird way to say that.

 

[Mulciber]

I've definitely gotten this in these settings, but usually just in the form of compliments. I brush them off, but I can't help but think about how inappropriate they'd be with the genders reversed. I have a few standouts though that are definitely worse. There were times when I was very uncomfortable, but toxic masculinity was like "Just be man" in my head.

There was also a thing with a high school teacher, but I don't feel the need to tell that story here. Nothing actually happened, but it took me a few years to even realize it was fucked up, and it made me realize how easy it is for students to get taken advantage of.

 

[Deleted member 5334]

You know, kinda going back to this thread, after seeing some of the responses in here, this reminds me of a tweet thread about how a man was drugged and raped by a woman, and she even stole some of his stuff afterwards. To make matters worse, the article skirts around using certain terminology (sexual assault/raped, drugged (though used "spiked"), and it's infuriating). Here's the tweet:



Read the comments under and it is just absolutely disgusting. Seriously, people. We really need to do better about this stuff.

 

[Budi]

It's not like I get a lot of attention and compliments to begin with, so it hasn't been a problem really. It probably would feel like a problem if it happened way more. There was this notably older lady at work who is quite flirty and I also heard that she had been complimenting me at our cafeteria when I wasn't around. Overall it was all good natured fun and I went along with it, I don't think she was looking for anyone to fuck. So the "flirting" was mutual.

Though many many years ago, I think I was around 20 (maybe few years over) at the time, woman who was about the same age made me very uncomfortable. She slipped her hand under my beanie to fondle my hair, I knew she was interested in me even before that but I wasn't interested in her at all so I hadn't sent any "signals". I don't mind flirting or touching my arm/shoulder etc. But that was bit much, I guess what made it even more uncomfortable that in a way she was touching me under my "clothes". Even though it was just a hat, it made it feel like bigger "violation" of my personal space. She wasn't the only to fondle/touch my hair without my permission, friend's girlfriend also did it but I didn't mind. I took it just as a compliment and it felt nice (bit awkward at first, since I've been quite averse for touch), probably because she wasn't trying to hit on me and just liked my hair. We hadn't even met many times before it and her boyfriend was also present.

And OP you are absolutely right, when it happens to men it's not taken as seriously as when it happens to women. It's same with violence really, but that's for another topic. That nurse story you shared is extremely inappropriate.

 

[Tokyo_Funk]

WTF that's definitely not ok. Did you say anything?

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I have had this happen to me 3 times in my life, and every time it happened HR went out of their way to cover it up and get me fired when I put in a complaint.
1st time at a restaurant I had a lady put her hands down my pants
2nd time a grab on the ass at another restaurant
3rd time working for the tax office, got my ass grabbed then my leg burned with a lighter for pushing back some ugly bush pigs advances. Once I complained HR blamed me for everything and told me men can't be sexually abused.

 

[Soliloquy of a Dogge]

Cougars are people too.

 

[Creation_Scapes]

I have had this happen to me 3 times in my life, and every time it happened HR went out of their way to cover it up and get me fired when I put in a complaint.
1st time at a restaurant I had a lady put her hands down my pants
2nd time a grab on the ass at another restaurant
3rd time working for the tax office, got my ass grabbed then my leg burned with a lighter for pushing back some ugly bush pigs advances. Once I complained HR blamed me for everything and told me men can't be sexually abused.

Click to shrink...

Fuck this world. Hearing stuff like this scares the shit outta me. Sorry to hear about this :(

 

[pizoxuat]

I hear a from a lot of guys that thy don't get enough compliments and that effects their self-esteem, so I do try to hand out compliments to the men I know. But I also don't want to be the creepy older woman that makes someone feel uncomfortable (and I am genuinely not hitting on them) so I try to be careful about how I do it. I wish more people would take into account how a comment is going to be received instead of just throwing it out there.

And butt pinching is right out! The worst!