Yeah, we're unfortunately not as much of a big happy family as we should be. Combine that with the way app design sort of encourages an inpersonal approach to interacting with others and you've got a storm brewing.
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Online dating as a POC kinda sucks
- Thread starter jwk94
- Start date
Yeah more diverse places in US would be easier, but here in the UK it doesn't matter. I live in a town that is 90% white, fuck I have only seen more than 10 black people at once watching BP and family meet ups. But like I said earlier, we get the black skin fetish way too much here
As a tall , lightskinned Black man, I can attest to this. Heightism and Colorism are just as pervasive.
Uh, but aren't you Mexican too? Unless I misunderstood you, couldn't you still bring your kids to your abuelita's house for enchiladas? I don't really see how them having a mother of another race would prevent you from having them live your culture.
Have you ever thought about why that might be? Not just from white women to black men but between many different races. I think it's a topic people don't like to dig into because it's uncomfortable. It reveals some of the ingrained prejudices you have based on culture, race, history, etc.
And we're perpetuating it by accepting that it's something that can't change. Of course it's not easy. Never said it was. It's not going to erase racism in a night. But it's better than nothing.
I'm can't relate. No uh seriously.
As a black guy at least in my experience , who's culture is kind of built around how their culture is stolen from them... I don't understand why you can't just communicate your culture to another people. I'm not saying my peoples experience makes me more receptive to other cultures or somethin. But I dunno, while I can't literally be in your shoes all your life, I can understand when you tell me about it. And i'm sure others could to
Eh, not really. Over the last month more than half of my matches on Tinder have been English/European
I do live in London though.
I can definitely see this being true in a more reserved interaction, but have some difficulty accepting it if flirting is going on. Like, if you are giving and getting innuendos, or exchanging physical contact, shouldn't that be a good sign that the person won't later be revealed as a racist?
Even if that is not the case, being outside should still increase your chance of finding a compatible partner.
i am, but having my wife being Mexican helps even more without the chance of losing it. My grandma is not doing very well, but my wife's grandma is doing great and we go over there a lot. Same with my parents and her parents.
You're at a disadvantage, but it's definitely not impossible. I've met some pretty great white gals through online dating as a black guy, one of which was a two year relationship. The hit rate is higher with black women of course, and you can also aim higher in the looks department. If I'm honest, finding quality black women is so much easier that it's really just been my preference of late.
I think there are more productive and long lasting ways to change it than calling people who only date a certain race or exclude a certain race racist, but that's just me.
I concur as a taller gay Asian man who is often perceived as mixed with either Latino or white (I'm full Asian). It's amazing how many more people hit me up when I don't include my race as opposed to having it show as Asian.
Like I explained before, it's a culture that's hard to talk about. You have to live it from the everyday life as an Latino to growing up with a extremely tight knit family. That's a bond you can't just explain. People can understand, nod their heads and all that jazz, but it's not the same. Not the same when I can take a quick flight to Chihuahua to visit relatives and show my kids the Mexican way of life. How a family bond is so tight that it's rarely broken.
How about a culturally-Mexican person who happens to be of a different ethnicity?
I have cousins who were born in Mexico, live in Mexico, speak chilango Spanish, eat tlacoyos and enfrijoladas - but are ethnically Japanese.
That seems incredibly arbitrary and as a black guy I don't require everyone I date to have gone through "The struggle " but you do you my dudes.
The fact that PoC have to make a site specifically for them is a problem worth complaining about in and of itself.
Bruh, as an African American man in touch with his history and culture, I completely understand.
Yeah lol. I mean I could understand if black women were also ignoring you, but these guys are only whining about white women not wanting them. Wtf?
Just saying.
Never said it was the ultimate solution to changing people's views on race but why shouldn't people do all we can do? It's pretty simple too. If someone you know expresses those kind of views call them out on it. I have and the person definitely reevaluated their views.
I suppose it would help more. I just kind of got the vibe that if your children were mixed race they somehow would be less welcome into the family.
Or the fact that being de facto locked out of a large percent of the dating pool kinda sucks
thanks man, it's good for someone who understands where I come from.
Where the fuck do y'all live, the 1950s? Y'all can't be in anybody's city or ever been near a college campus if you think white girls generally are only attracted to white guys... You sound like you only live around other white people
User warned for using racist terminology
yep, it's true for every race. just see how oriental asians act around black men. growing up in pakistan, there was a huge demand for fair skin women and nearly all the movie and tv stars were fair skin men and women. this is a country with 70% brown skin to dark skin people. i saw my own aunts berate and just dismiss other women and men and boys because they were dark skinned. there were Nivea ads touting its power to turn brown skin women white. entire songs written for fair skin women. it was hilarious in a way.
so when i see these threads wondering why white women dont find people of color attractive, i go back to how other races feel the same about brown and black people. you cant force someone to be attracted to people they arent attracted to.
I'd just like to clarify that I wasn't only for an interracial relationship, I had little luck with anyone.
Well, that's not true. Everyone is welcome in our family, no matter what color they are. I just chose to date and marry within my culture.
This is where I'm at now. I'll still give anyone a chance, but I don't actively pursue non-black women.
All the people (men and women) that have referred to online dating as a cesspool and yet I had to scroll through so many people arguing that it wasn't. It's like you mothafuckers got stock in one of these sites or something lol.
Yeah OP, it sucks and I wish I could filter out people who only dated inside their race. That should be an option for sure.
Yeah OP, it sucks and I wish I could filter out people who only dated inside their race. That should be an option for sure.
User banned (1 week): racist and misogynistic generalization. Accumulated infractions for several sexist and offensive posts.
hard to get rid of crazy
Some black dudes are weird about that and I've always found it low key embarrassing when I come across it.
You should move to a city with more diversity perhaps then...if that is an option I mean. Where do you live btw?
Curious--have any black men here dated an asian woman? I'm an equal opportunity guy, but I just don't even bother to message them. Got this thing in my head that hit rate would be zero.
Oddly enough I've never actually dated a hispanic woman either. I haven't actively pursued, but I've sent enough messages to where I'm kind of shocked at how bad my hit rate has been with them.
Oddly enough I've never actually dated a hispanic woman either. I haven't actively pursued, but I've sent enough messages to where I'm kind of shocked at how bad my hit rate has been with them.
Deciding you don't want to date someone because of individual traits (or even base level attractiveness) isn't the same thing as not wanting to date someone because of their race. Saying you don't date people shorter than you has to do with individual ideals of attraction. Saying you don't date black people is a problem because it often doesn't have to do with attraction. It has more to do with "fear my racist parents will disown me" or "stereotypically racist imagery that makes x race look unattractive will mean dating someone among said race will lose me social clout among my friends".
Short people or people without a college degree or unemployed people exist across all races. It's a case by case thing. However nobody is fundamentally unattracted to people just because of race - it's often a series of stereotypes and external societal factors that lead to people saying they "don't date x race".
Is any of this really necessary? Strawman arguments really don't help further discussion. Just because a black man dates a white women doesn't mean he's chasing a "forbidden fruit." I'm curious as to why you think that.
Do you think that maybe the reason people are mainly citing white women is because that's where they usually see "I don't date ___ race?" I don't think there are many black women with "I don't date black men" on their profiles unless you've seen a bunch somewhere? So of course they wouldn't be brought up. I also think it comes down to the fact that depending on where you live, your dating pool diversity wise might be skewed heavily. I know when I was on Tinder and OKCupid, I mostly saw white women. Of course there were black women there too but it's not like every black women is gonna swipe right on you as default for just being black. If you aren't a person that would never date someone outside of your own race and you actually would date people of any race, it's only natural that you'd be frustrated that a percentage of the people you're interested in are turning you down based on your race. It doesn't mean you are only interested in dating white people.
Yeah, I feel like OKCupid in particular REALLY lets you get granular with that stuff in an unsettling way
Really? You were complying that in your city they were "basic" earlier on...
Uh it's a pretty legitimate gripe that the majority race in the country won't even look at you in that way because of the color of your skin, maybe don't frame that as "crying about it"? Why should black people have to go to their own dating sites to be given a fair shake?
I've been accused before as a lightskinned Black man of preferring lightskinned Black women by darker skinned Black women before. LOL.
I mean I'm in college so it's not an option, Knoxville, TN is white as fuck man
....what
How so?
I was gonna reply to litebrite but this is a better response than anything I was gonna write.