ParentERA |OT| What To Expect When You’re Not Sleeping

Deleted member 8860 · Feb 2, 2018

MrLuchador said:
What's the PBS Kids and Nick Jr app like for video content about colours? He likes to watch those videos and say what the colour is as they appear - again it's often trains and cars being painted a colour.

There's at least one video I can think of about colors in the Nick Jr. app. Both the Nick Jr. app and the PBS Kids Games app have some coloring activities as well.

Before we switched over to these apps, our little one was all about Peppa Pig and Daniel Tiger (and five little monkeys from any source). The apps have expanded the characters/shows that are consumed, which has both benefits and drawbacks, but at least we don't have to worry about low-quality/questionable material on YT/YT Kids showing up as suggestions.

doof_warrior · Feb 2, 2018

super late here, haven't been back to the thread since before my kid was born haha
i'm officially joining the new dad club.
he's a little over a month and fucking huge
11lb 5oz and 2ft long on his 1 month dr's visit
kid eats more than i do

Rob · Feb 2, 2018

Congratulations!

Hollywood Duo · Feb 3, 2018

Congrats mattp, it's crazy how quickly they grow at that age.

Deleted member 25600 · Feb 4, 2018

Anno said:
How did everyone here wind up naming their kid(s)? And is it normal for your partner to hate literally every name? The one we found that we both liked she now is wavering on because she found one person somewhere on a baby name site who said that was her name and people occasionally mispronounce it lol. I was hoping this was behind us.

My wife and I could only agree on a single name for our son. If we have another son we're fucked.

If we have a daughter, we might come to an agreement on a single name.

doof_warrior · Feb 4, 2018

just do what we did, name your kids after lord of the rings characters (sam)

water_tempo · Feb 6, 2018

theaface said:
Sounds very normal and she is still quite young, so don't worry. If she's not genuinely hungry, I'd suggest offering her water from a bottle - she may gradually learn that it's not worth getting up for if there's no milk.

I'm personally not a huge fan of letting them cry it out for extended periods of time; as you'll be awake and stressed the whole time it's happening, and they'll feel a bit abandoned. Our son was terrible for settling in the evening - he would fall asleep in our arms no problem, but kick off as soon as you tried to put him down. We used a method of controlled crying which worked absolute wonders. This is the method in full:

Thanks for this post. That method you posted helped steer us in the right directino. My kid goes to sleep really well on her own. She also sleeps in our room, so I found it is tougher to do the shorter intervals in that setting during the middle of the night.

We found a slight variation on this in a book at the library that has a little bit of a longer interval. We also realized that our daughter might still have some night feeding associations, which is maybe why she wakes up often. Even without a night feeding, she is definitely getting enough food so she shouldn't need to wake up as much.

Ultimately, the last few nights were both harder and better at the same time. She is waking up more often, but puts herself back to sleep the majority of the time. It is tough having her in the room with us, because she will wake up and cry for a few minutes and then fall silent while my wife and I tense up waiting for another cry to come. It will get better soon, though, I am sure. Then it will be on to the next thing. It helps that kids are super adorable. It makes the more difficult things easier to bear.

Jive Turkey · Feb 7, 2018

Anno said:
How did everyone here wind up naming their kid(s)? And is it normal for your partner to hate literally every name? The one we found that we both liked she now is wavering on because she found one person somewhere on a baby name site who said that was her name and people occasionally mispronounce it lol. I was hoping this was behind us.

My wife did this to me too. She wanted Cecilia if we had a girl since it was a family name that she loved. I was resistant since I had a friend in high school who, the last time I saw her, was mid-gangbang at a party. Not really an image I would want to associate with my own daughter. So we compromised with Cecily. It's the British version of the same name and just different enough that my mind wouldn't automatically go someplace I didn't want. Then, my dad had to go and make a dumb joke about Cecily sounding vaguely similar to "cesspool" and that was enough to turn my wife off on that. Ugh.

Fortunately, we had a son.

Deleted member 1627 · Feb 7, 2018

Jive Turkey said:
My wife did this to me too. She wanted Cecilia if we had a girl since it was a family name that she loved. I was resistant since I had a friend in high school who, the last time I saw her, was mid-gangbang at a party. Not really an image I would want to associate with my own daughter. So we compromised with Cecily. It's the British version of the same name and just different enough that my mind wouldn't automatically go someplace I didn't want. Then, my dad had to go and make a dumb joke about Cecily sounding vaguely similar to "cesspool" and that was enough to turn my wife off on that. Ugh.

Fortunately, we had a son.

Amazing XD

Yoshi · Feb 8, 2018

We are currently awaiting our first child (son, it was luckily quite easy to settle on a name, for a daughter we would have had some more difficulty), but as it looks right now, due to preeclampsia, he will likely be born early. At the beginning of the week the doctors said at most three weeks (if we are lucky), then they lowered their estimate to a few days (if we are lucky), but now it is "back" at two weeks (if we are lucky) until they need to get him out - tomorrow it will be the start of the 28th week. So naturally, we are quite worried for our son, because it probably is not easy to be born that early. We just hope the doctors do a good job with him. So far, he is developing fine, no growth stunt so far.

I am a bitt worried that the hospital is keeping my wife quite short on food throughout her stay though; she's been to the hospital for two weeks now and lost about one kg of weight. Usually, that's not much to worry about, but in the best case scenario she will remain there for two additional weeks until the child is born, then probably ~2 additional weeks of healing and she's not exactly in need of a weight loss and the likely c-section will probably be stressful for her body.

Anyway we are excited for our son. Does anyone have any experience or hints when it comes to helping a preemie start into life well?

Jive Turkey · Feb 8, 2018

guYoshi said:
We are currently awaiting our first child (son, it was luckily quite easy to settle on a name, for a daughter we would have had some more difficulty), but as it looks right now, due to preeclampsia, he will likely be born early. At the beginning of the week the doctors said at most three weeks (if we are lucky), then they lowered their estimate to a few days (if we are lucky), but now it is "back" at two weeks (if we are lucky) until they need to get him out - tomorrow it will be the start of the 28th week. So naturally, we are quite worried for our son, because it probably is not easy to be born that early. We just hope the doctors do a good job with him. So far, he is developing fine, no growth stunt so far.

I am a bitt worried that the hospital is keeping my wife quite short on food throughout her stay though; she's been to the hospital for two weeks now and lost about one kg of weight. Usually, that's not much to worry about, but in the best case scenario she will remain there for two additional weeks until the child is born, then probably ~2 additional weeks of healing and she's not exactly in need of a weight loss and the likely c-section will probably be stressful for her body.

Anyway we are excited for our son. Does anyone have any experience or hints when it comes to helping a preemie start into life well?

I went through something pretty similar nearly 4 years ago. 27 weeks in, my wife and I went in for a routine check up and her doctor noticed her badly swollen feet. Doctors ran some tests and 24 hours later they called her in from work saying she needed to be admitted immediately. Turned out she had developed HELLP syndrome which, depending on who you ask, is a type of preeclampsia or is just similar symptom-wise. Internally, I was a wreck but she acted like it was no big deal, she felt fine. She was kept in the hospital for nearly a week before her doctors made the decision to deliver at 27 weeks, 6 days.

The operation went well, our son was born and he was a real trooper about it all. My wife was dismissed two or three days later but we pretty much lived at the hospital for the next five weeks. We spent so much time in the NICU and pediatric wards that my phone still thinks I work there. The big hurdles for my son were learning how to eat without choking, and simply gaining weight. Eventually he was released from the hospital three weeks before he was supposed to be born.

We've had some additional medical challenges over the last three years, but none of it stems from being born premature. Listen to the doctors and just take it one day at a time.

Yoshi · Feb 12, 2018

Thank you Jive Turkey, very appreciated. Yesterday, our son was born at night and so far (at least, yesterday evening), both him and my wife were fine. I will certainly be very strict in following the doctor's orders.

RDreamer · Feb 12, 2018

I'll be joining you all pretty soon! We just got back word that the genetic tests turned out fine, so we were able to officially announce things to family and friends that weren't already in the know. We also found out we'll be having a boy. My wife's at 12 weeks pregnant so far, so a long ways to go. August 26 is the due date which is crazy because that was my sister's exact date with her first child, too.

We also have a name pretty well picked out. We had it basically from the first pregnancy that didn't 'stick' and still like it. If it was a girl we were wavering between two names but didn't quite like how popular they apparently are. With boys it was harder finding one it seems, but we've got one with no real qualms (except not being a big fan of the shortened version).

You don't really realize how many people in life you dislike until trying to name a child...

Power Shot · Feb 12, 2018

RDreamer said:
You don't really realize how many people in life you dislike until trying to name a child...

Try being a college professor. Luckily, I've never taught anyone who has my son's name.

Crib training began over the weekend. My son is six months old and having none of it. He spends about forty minutes screaming for us until he finally passes out, and usually takes about an hour long nap. He does, however, seem to sleep pretty nicely at night. He only woke up once last night at 3 AM to scream for fifteen minutes.

The crib training is bringing something else out of him too- sleep pooping. He never did this before we crib trained.

RDreamer · Feb 12, 2018

Power Shot said:
Try being a college professor. Luckily, I've never taught anyone who has my son's name.

My wife is a college professor.

The name we're probably settling on is Arthur. I'm not certain I've ever met an Arthur in real life and she said she had one distant colleague at one point with the name and no students she can remember.

Jive Turkey · Feb 12, 2018

Yoshi said:
Thank you Jive Turkey, very appreciated. Yesterday, our son was born at night and so far (at least, yesterday evening), both him and my wife were fine. I will certainly be very strict in following the doctor's orders.

I'm glad to hear everybody is doing well! Congratulations!

RDreamer said:
My wife is a college professor.

The name we're probably settling on is Arthur. I'm not certain I've ever met an Arthur in real life and she said she had one distant colleague at one point with the name and no students she can remember.

That's a great name. Classic, strong, but not terribly common anymore so while your son will be in class with three kids named Brecken Kale, he'll actually have a unique name.

Anno · Feb 12, 2018

Finally have the baby's room complete minus a few Pooh-themed accessories that are still on the way. Putting together the crib was a pain, but it's comforting to know that if the baby somehow decided to show up tomorrow it would have everything ready to go when it got home.

RDreamer · Feb 12, 2018

Jive Turkey said:
That's a great name. Classic, strong, but not terribly common anymore so while your son will be in class with three kids named Brecken Kale, he'll actually have a unique name.

Yeah, it's similar to my own name in that regard. Pretty well known but not terribly common apparently. I like Arthur because it has "art" in it, sounds like author, and has a bit of a connection to my last name which means "kings" in another language. He'll be our tiny king Arthur.

I work in a place that gets in a ton of kids and young adults and man there's a wave of like Caden and Jadens coming on fast.

Our girl names we were thinking of were Lilianna and Nora, but those were a bit more popular than my wife would like.

Rob · Feb 12, 2018

Yeah, the ex basically picked the name; Logan Grayson. I can't complain he's Wolverine Batman. Although finding kids clothes with Wolverine is a pain.

RDreamer · Feb 12, 2018

Rob said:
Yeah, the ex basically picked the name; Logan Grayson. I can't complain he's Wolverine Batman. Although finding kids clothes with Wolverine is a pain.

That's a fucking rad name.

Tbm24 · Feb 13, 2018

Hey ParentERA, coming on you looking for advice. My daughter turns 8 months old tomorrow. She's amazing and I couldn't be happier. My wife on the other hand is having a really rough time. Make no mistake, she loves our daughter to bits, and that's the crux of the problem I think. She's been having a super rough time balance being a mother and working. She managed to convince her job to allow her to work from home for the first year. That's been a great benefit as we have very few family anywhere remotely near us for help. Closest is her mother who works 9-5. My wife is also very emotionally sensitive let's call it and dealing with a depression since the tail end of the pregnancy and kicked into high gear with postpartum.

I had 3 month leave when my daughter was born which was lucky. But, we also fucked up because we gave her attention constantly. At this point my daughter, at least when she's alone with my wife, will cry her head off if she's not being held or has my wife's attention. My wife can't handle hearing her cry anymore. My wife is losing it at this point dealing with her job and raising the baby while now that she's teething. I work in downtown Manhattan with 0 options for working from home. Just this year I've taken 5 pto days to give her a break because not a week goes by where I get texts with her melting down. I feel useless to her when I'm at work. I can't do shit and it's driving me mad. Today I'm currently rushing home because she's melting down again and there's nothing else I can think of doing but rushing home. It's to the point where everything was more or less just fine and around 1pm I get messages with her freaking out and breaking down.

I've sought advice before from friends and family and they all point to daycare daycare daycare. I've looked and we can't afford the cost with rent and car note on top of costs of living. I even looked into 2 days of day care only to come up with a minimum of $600 a month. $900-1000 for a full.5 day week which just makes the value proposition of taking the 2 days for $600 shit but I'd fucking do it to the detriment of myself. She was a hard no on it due to anxiety she gets from just the idea of having such a large financial burden on top of it all. She tried to work from home to avoid day care and so she could raise our daughter while I'm at work. It's not working out and short of daycare I don't know what I can do to help.

Hollywood Duo · Feb 13, 2018

Tbm24 said:
Hey ParentERA, coming on you looking for advice. My daughter turns 8 months old tomorrow. She's amazing and I couldn't be happier. My wife on the other hand is having a really rough time. Make no mistake, she loves our daughter to bits, and that's the crux of the problem I think. She's been having a super rough time balance being a mother and working. She managed to convince her job to allow her to work from home for the first year. That's been a great benefit as we have very few family anywhere remotely near us for help. Closest is her mother who works 9-5. My wife is also very emotionally sensitive let's call it and dealing with a depression since the tail end of the pregnancy and kicked into high gear with postpartum.

I had 3 month leave when my daughter was born which was lucky. But, we also fucked up because we gave her attention constantly. At this point my daughter, at least when she's alone with my wife, will cry her head off if she's not being held or has my wife's attention. My wife can't handle hearing her cry anymore. My wife is losing it at this point dealing with her job and raising the baby while now that she's teething. I work in downtown Manhattan with 0 options for working from home. Just this year I've taken 5 pto days to give her a break because not a week goes by where I get texts with her melting down. I feel useless to her when I'm at work. I can't do shit and it's driving me mad. Today I'm currently rushing home because she's melting down again and there's nothing else I can think of doing but rushing home. It's to the point where everything was more or less just fine and around 1pm I get messages with her freaking out and breaking down.

I've sought advice before from friends and family and they all point to daycare daycare daycare. I've looked and we can't afford the cost with rent and car note on top of costs of living. I even looked into 2 days of day care only to come up with a minimum of $600 a month. $900-1000 for a full.5 day week which just makes the value proposition of taking the 2 days for $600 shit but I'd fucking do it to the detriment of myself. She was a hard no on it due to anxiety she gets from just the idea of having such a large financial burden on top of it all. She tried to work from home to avoid day care and so she could raise our daughter while I'm at work. It's not working out and short of daycare I don't know what I can do to help.

Tough situation. Have you looked in to getting an au pair?

Tbm24 · Feb 13, 2018

Hollywood Duo said:
Tough situation. Have you looked in to getting an au pair?

The thought occurred to me when I came across it in my search for alternatives. We don't have the space accommodate one. Like most young New Yorkers without a hookup, we're paying a pretty penny for a small 1 bedroom.

Deleted member 8860 · Feb 13, 2018

Hollywood Duo said:
Tough situation. Have you looked in to getting an au pair?

If daycare ($600-1000/month) is too expensive, an au pair is going to be out of the question, no?

That said, I don't think there are any easy solutions for OP. You/your wife can't work full time while simultaneously caring for a <2 year old (and even that age is a stretch unless you want the kid watching TV all day). Do you qualify for any city/local care services (e.g., NYC ACS's EarlyLearn program)?

Hollywood Duo · Feb 13, 2018

Tbm24 said:
The thought occurred to me when I came across it in my search for alternatives. We don't have the space accommodate one. Like most young New Yorkers without a hookup, we're paying a pretty penny for a small 1 bedroom.

Yeah, that sucks. Good luck with finding a solution.

Fable · Feb 13, 2018

Is your daughter sleeping through the night? Does your wife breastfeed? Has she seen anyone about the depression?

I honestly don't know what I can say that you probably haven't already researched. I know I'm at my worst when I haven't gotten enough sleep, but if she's breastfeeding and the baby is waking up at night that makes things harder. Maybe a doctor can help her with the anxiety and depression. Babies cry, they can't be held all the time and by 8 months they should be somewhat mobile and working their way up to walking, which they can't do if theyre constantly held. I'm sure your wife knows that, which is probably adding to her anxiety and depression. She can't stand hearing her daughter cry so she picks her up, then knows that in the long term she's just making things worse.
My advice is talk to a pediatrician for advice on how to handle the crying. Talk to a doctor about the depression. I hope you guys are able to figure something out.

Hollywood Duo · Feb 14, 2018

Petes getting his first haircut this afternoon. Any tips for getting him acclimated?

Panic Freak · Feb 14, 2018

Hey all, just joining this community with a participation post. I have three kids, one three year old and a pair of 5 month olds. The twins are finally beginning to sleep through the night but there was a period of about three to four months where they would be up at alternating times for hours at a time. We're going through diapers at an astonishing rate and my little boy is doing his best to blow out every single outfit he owns.

Fable · Feb 14, 2018

Hollywood Duo said:
Petes getting his first haircut this afternoon. Any tips for getting him acclimated?

With my daughter I took her when I got my hair cut and then we just got hers trimmed a little. I went first so she got to see what was going to happen, and then hers was over quickly. We went back a few weeks later and got more cut but she was prepared for what was going to happen so she did really good.

Deleted member 25600 · Feb 14, 2018

My son is 11 months old now and is once again waking at 2AM like clockwork and will not sleep unless he's in our arms or in our bed. Even when we think he's in a deep sleep, the second we start to lower him into his cot his eyes shoot open and he looks at us with such disbelief as if to say "How DARE you!". Then he cries and moans until we pick him up and he immediately closes his eyes again.....the little shit.

But last night I beat him at his game. When he woke I dosed myself up with caffeine and outlasted him. Sat up with him and watched TV until he was so tired he couldnt resist when I put him back in his cot. Gave my wife a full night of sleep again. She does not sleep well if he's in our bed.

Podge293 · Feb 14, 2018

Why does nobody warn you baby boys can get an ......seriously such a weird sight, didn't know what the hell was going on ha

Hidden behind a spoiler quote cuz it's too weird ha

Fable · Feb 14, 2018

Podge293 said:
Why does nobody warn you baby boys can get an ......seriously such a weird sight, didn't know what the hell was going on ha

Hidden behind a spoiler quote cuz it's too weird ha

I had no idea this could happen either, I thought I wouldn't have to deal with it till puberty. So far have not experienced but yeah...

Septimus Prime · Feb 14, 2018

Podge293 said:
Why does nobody warn you baby boys can get an ......seriously such a weird sight, didn't know what the hell was going on ha

Hidden behind a spoiler quote cuz it's too weird ha

It's counter-intuitive, but it's actually relaxed in that state. It's the flaccid state that's actually tense.

H.Protagonist · Feb 15, 2018

Tbm24 said:
Hey ParentERA, coming on you looking for advice. My daughter turns 8 months old tomorrow. She's amazing and I couldn't be happier. My wife on the other hand is having a really rough time. Make no mistake, she loves our daughter to bits, and that's the crux of the problem I think. She's been having a super rough time balance being a mother and working. She managed to convince her job to allow her to work from home for the first year. That's been a great benefit as we have very few family anywhere remotely near us for help. Closest is her mother who works 9-5. My wife is also very emotionally sensitive let's call it and dealing with a depression since the tail end of the pregnancy and kicked into high gear with postpartum.

I had 3 month leave when my daughter was born which was lucky. But, we also fucked up because we gave her attention constantly. At this point my daughter, at least when she's alone with my wife, will cry her head off if she's not being held or has my wife's attention. My wife can't handle hearing her cry anymore. My wife is losing it at this point dealing with her job and raising the baby while now that she's teething. I work in downtown Manhattan with 0 options for working from home. Just this year I've taken 5 pto days to give her a break because not a week goes by where I get texts with her melting down. I feel useless to her when I'm at work. I can't do shit and it's driving me mad. Today I'm currently rushing home because she's melting down again and there's nothing else I can think of doing but rushing home. It's to the point where everything was more or less just fine and around 1pm I get messages with her freaking out and breaking down.

I've sought advice before from friends and family and they all point to daycare daycare daycare. I've looked and we can't afford the cost with rent and car note on top of costs of living. I even looked into 2 days of day care only to come up with a minimum of $600 a month. $900-1000 for a full.5 day week which just makes the value proposition of taking the 2 days for $600 shit but I'd fucking do it to the detriment of myself. She was a hard no on it due to anxiety she gets from just the idea of having such a large financial burden on top of it all. She tried to work from home to avoid day care and so she could raise our daughter while I'm at work. It's not working out and short of daycare I don't know what I can do to help.

Tbm, how about just getting a regular sitter to watch your daughter for 3-4hrs/day during the week so that your wife can focus and have some non-crying time? Lots of older folks have free time and fairly cheap rates, or you could even enlist a college kid for some part-time work (maybe put up an ad suggesting childcare majors, etc. get a preferred baby rate). It wouldn't bankrupt you like childcare/daycare and it might be enough to get her over this rough patch. As a mom who also worked from home, I completely empathize with the strain and stresses of never having time to focus on your own work, much less free time. Even just a few hours a day/week of her own time would do wonders for her mental state.

Skiptastic · Feb 15, 2018

Oh my gosh, the past month has been rough.

We JUST got our two month old to start sleeping through the night...when our 2.5 year old started struggling and having to be checked on multiple times.

We thought "maybe we move him to a big bed instead of his crib and that'll make things better"....but no. It hasn't :(.

So now we pretty much get two or three go backs to get him back to sleep, and end up sleeping from 11 PM to wake up (4:30 am for me ugh.)

We are definitely spoiled when it comes to sleep because our first boy slept so well for so long, and even now, he really does try to sleep. But spoiled or not, it's a struggle.

Sorry to those who have had it worse but I just wanted to bitch to somebody, ya know?

Wish us luck this weekend, because we're having our first overnight guests....yay!

H.Protagonist · Feb 16, 2018

I don't suppose anyone has/had low weight gain issues with their babies? It's really starting to do my head in. As part of the system here in the UK, you have your baby weighed a couple of times after birth by health visitors to see how they're doing along a growth chart. Emma started on 50th percentile line and gained really well in the first couple of weeks but has since just gone completely flat. Her 'arc' is more like a rainbow and she's dropped to the 9th percentile at this point (10 weeks). They keep having me come in week after week to weigh her and for the last few weeks I've done everything I can to up my supply and make sure she's full (pumping, fenugreek pills, teas, lactation shakes, eating oatmeal till I feel sick, tried topping her up with pumped milk, formula, etc.) and when I went in today to have her weighed after all of that...she'd gained nothing. Not even an ounce.

She seems perfectly healthy in all other respects (we've had 3 evaluations now). There's no tongue tie, no latch issues, she's like a hulk during tummy time, alert, happy/smiling, doesn't act as if she's hungry, etc. It's incredibly frustrating, especially on such shitty sleep. I just don't have the energy to keep doing the 2 mile hike to the clinic every week on top of everything else. They want me to eat more and pump 6x(!) a day now, but it's a struggle to even pump twice a day with a very active 2 year old, 2-3 hrs of sleep a night in pieces, keeping everyone fed and the house from falling into complete squalor. Anyway, I'm mostly just venting. She's currently a medical mystery, apparently, but the health visitors keep riding me and it's stressing me out. Next visit is to the big hospital. Yay...

Skiptastic said:
Oh my gosh, the past month has been rough.

We JUST got our two month old to start sleeping through the night...when our 2.5 year old started struggling and having to be checked on multiple times.

We thought "maybe we move him to a big bed instead of his crib and that'll make things better"....but no. It hasn't :(.

So now we pretty much get two or three go backs to get him back to sleep, and end up sleeping from 11 PM to wake up (4:30 am for me ugh.)

We are definitely spoiled when it comes to sleep because our first boy slept so well for so long, and even now, he really does try to sleep. But spoiled or not, it's a struggle.

Sorry to those who have had it worse but I just wanted to bitch to somebody, ya know?

Wish us luck this weekend, because we're having our first overnight guests....yay!

I'm super jealous of your kid sleeping through the night so soon, but I feel ya on the toddler. I'm scared to switch over from the crib for that very reason. Sorry you guys are having such a rough patch with the sleep. It's def hard to go back to crap after full nights again. Fingers crossed for your guest visit.

Fable · Feb 16, 2018

H.Protagonist said:
I don't suppose anyone has/had low weight gain issues with their babies? It's really starting to do my head in. As part of the system here in the UK, you have your baby weighed a couple of times after birth by health visitors to see how they're doing along a growth chart. Emma started on 50th percentile line and gained really well in the first couple of weeks but has since just gone completely flat. Her 'arc' is more like a rainbow and she's dropped to the 9th percentile at this point (10 weeks). They keep having me come in week after week to weigh her and for the last few weeks I've done everything I can to up my supply and make sure she's full (pumping, fenugreek pills, teas, lactation shakes, eating oatmeal till I feel sick, tried topping her up with pumped milk, formula, etc.) and when I went in today to have her weighed after all of that...she'd gained nothing. Not even an ounce.

She seems perfectly healthy in all other respects (we've had 3 evaluations now). There's no tongue tie, no latch issues, she's like a hulk during tummy time, alert, happy/smiling, doesn't act as if she's hungry, etc. It's incredibly frustrating, especially on such shitty sleep. I just don't have the energy to keep doing the 2 mile hike to the clinic every week on top of everything else. They want me to eat more and pump 6x(!) a day now, but it's a struggle to even pump twice a day with a very active 2 year old, 2-3 hrs of sleep a night in pieces, keeping everyone fed and the house from falling into complete squalor. Anyway, I'm mostly just venting. She's currently a medical mystery, apparently, but the health visitors keep riding me and it's stressing me out. Next visit is to the big hospital. Yay...

*Hugs* forget about the house, it can become a landfill right now. Just focus on you and the babies.
If you're exclusively breasfeeding and working from home, why are they having you pump? It sounds like she's feeding often enough to keep your milk supply up. Charlotte definitely had a bit of a rainbow but she ended up holding steady at the 20th percentile, they never had me coming in weekly so I didn't see the weeks she didn't gain weight or even when, I'm sure, she dropped lower than that.
You're doing great, managing two young children by yourself while the SO is lucky enough to go to work each day and escape is hard. Especially when you aren't getting enough sleep.
Have you tried eating nuts? I ate so many with Henry in those first few weeks that I made myself sick (had no idea too many nuts could actually hurt you) still all that fat I'm sure my milk was a milkshake. If you need to boost supply, oats and protein are good for that. I've got a recipe for some no bake cookies that work pretty well and are super yummy, especially if you're tired of straight up oatmeal.
If you need to vent again we're here.
Also, if Emma isn't acting hungry and is otherwise healthy try not to let them stress you out. Its very possible she has a growth spurt and laughs in their faces when she jumps back up to a percentile they're happier with.

water_tempo · Feb 16, 2018

Tbm24 said:
Hey ParentERA, coming on you looking for advice. My daughter turns 8 months old tomorrow. She's amazing and I couldn't be happier. My wife on the other hand is having a really rough time. Make no mistake, she loves our daughter to bits, and that's the crux of the problem I think. She's been having a super rough time balance being a mother and working. She managed to convince her job to allow her to work from home for the first year. That's been a great benefit as we have very few family anywhere remotely near us for help. Closest is her mother who works 9-5. My wife is also very emotionally sensitive let's call it and dealing with a depression since the tail end of the pregnancy and kicked into high gear with postpartum.

I had 3 month leave when my daughter was born which was lucky. But, we also fucked up because we gave her attention constantly. At this point my daughter, at least when she's alone with my wife, will cry her head off if she's not being held or has my wife's attention. My wife can't handle hearing her cry anymore. My wife is losing it at this point dealing with her job and raising the baby while now that she's teething. I work in downtown Manhattan with 0 options for working from home. Just this year I've taken 5 pto days to give her a break because not a week goes by where I get texts with her melting down. I feel useless to her when I'm at work. I can't do shit and it's driving me mad. Today I'm currently rushing home because she's melting down again and there's nothing else I can think of doing but rushing home. It's to the point where everything was more or less just fine and around 1pm I get messages with her freaking out and breaking down.

I've sought advice before from friends and family and they all point to daycare daycare daycare. I've looked and we can't afford the cost with rent and car note on top of costs of living. I even looked into 2 days of day care only to come up with a minimum of $600 a month. $900-1000 for a full.5 day week which just makes the value proposition of taking the 2 days for $600 shit but I'd fucking do it to the detriment of myself. She was a hard no on it due to anxiety she gets from just the idea of having such a large financial burden on top of it all. She tried to work from home to avoid day care and so she could raise our daughter while I'm at work. It's not working out and short of daycare I don't know what I can do to help.

I don't think you should beat yourself up over giving your baby a lot of attention the first 3 months. That probably didn't contribute to the baby crying now. I don't have too much advice that is helpful, other than hang in there. I agree with the other poster that your wife should talk to someone about the potential postpartum depression and get diagnosed/help if she wants it. I also like the other idea of just getting a part-time sitter to give your wife a little bit of a break. My wife broke down the other night when our baby woke up for like the 800th time. She was just pulled so thin and she needed a break. It is good you were able to take a couple of days to try and help out. I am sure your wife appreciates that.

I'm sure your daughter is healthy, but since you didn't specifically mention it, is she doing well at her checkups? Has the medical provider given any advice on the crying?

H.Protagonist said:
I don't suppose anyone has/had low weight gain issues with their babies? It's really starting to do my head in. As part of the system here in the UK, you have your baby weighed a couple of times after birth by health visitors to see how they're doing along a growth chart. Emma started on 50th percentile line and gained really well in the first couple of weeks but has since just gone completely flat. Her 'arc' is more like a rainbow and she's dropped to the 9th percentile at this point (10 weeks). They keep having me come in week after week to weigh her and for the last few weeks I've done everything I can to up my supply and make sure she's full (pumping, fenugreek pills, teas, lactation shakes, eating oatmeal till I feel sick, tried topping her up with pumped milk, formula, etc.) and when I went in today to have her weighed after all of that...she'd gained nothing. Not even an ounce.

She seems perfectly healthy in all other respects (we've had 3 evaluations now). There's no tongue tie, no latch issues, she's like a hulk during tummy time, alert, happy/smiling, doesn't act as if she's hungry, etc. It's incredibly frustrating, especially on such shitty sleep. I just don't have the energy to keep doing the 2 mile hike to the clinic every week on top of everything else. They want me to eat more and pump 6x(!) a day now, but it's a struggle to even pump twice a day with a very active 2 year old, 2-3 hrs of sleep a night in pieces, keeping everyone fed and the house from falling into complete squalor. Anyway, I'm mostly just venting. She's currently a medical mystery, apparently, but the health visitors keep riding me and it's stressing me out. Next visit is to the big hospital. Yay...

We kind of had that issue after our kid was born. She lost some weight in the first week and then just didn't gain any weight for almost 2 months. We had plenty of appointments with the doctor and the lactation consultant, but never could pinpoint an issue. Is your baby still having plenty of wet diapers? Ultimately, our doctor said that because our baby was having a large number of wet diapers (and wasn't diabetic or anything like that) she was probably fine and her weight would pick up eventually. After 8 weeks, she was still holding even, so we started supplementing her feedings. My wife would breast feed and then I would give the baby a bottle. We did that for a couple of weeks and the baby started putting on weight. We only did that for maybe 4 weeks, and since then everything has been fine with her weight. The doctor told us to expect our baby to not even be on the weight growth chart for the first year, but she is in the 60th for her weight now. She was just a long skinny baby for a while. I hope things work out though. I know how stressful this can be and it is not fun. Have they had you do a weigh-in, feed her, then weigh her immediately after to try and measure how much she is getting in a feeding?

Violence Jack · Feb 16, 2018

Does anyone have any tips for flying with a 4 1/2 month old? We're planning on holding him during the flight, bought a cheap stroller for going through the airports, and we've been told to have him suck on a pacifier during take off and landing for the ear-popping issue. Anything else I'm missing?

Rob · Feb 16, 2018

We just have Logan a lime and he loved it. He immediately bit down on it and wouldn't let go. Guess he loves savory stuff.

Septimus Prime · Feb 16, 2018

H.Protagonist said:
I don't suppose anyone has/had low weight gain issues with their babies? It's really starting to do my head in. As part of the system here in the UK, you have your baby weighed a couple of times after birth by health visitors to see how they're doing along a growth chart. Emma started on 50th percentile line and gained really well in the first couple of weeks but has since just gone completely flat. Her 'arc' is more like a rainbow and she's dropped to the 9th percentile at this point (10 weeks). They keep having me come in week after week to weigh her and for the last few weeks I've done everything I can to up my supply and make sure she's full (pumping, fenugreek pills, teas, lactation shakes, eating oatmeal till I feel sick, tried topping her up with pumped milk, formula, etc.) and when I went in today to have her weighed after all of that...she'd gained nothing. Not even an ounce.

She seems perfectly healthy in all other respects (we've had 3 evaluations now). There's no tongue tie, no latch issues, she's like a hulk during tummy time, alert, happy/smiling, doesn't act as if she's hungry, etc. It's incredibly frustrating, especially on such shitty sleep. I just don't have the energy to keep doing the 2 mile hike to the clinic every week on top of everything else. They want me to eat more and pump 6x(!) a day now, but it's a struggle to even pump twice a day with a very active 2 year old, 2-3 hrs of sleep a night in pieces, keeping everyone fed and the house from falling into complete squalor. Anyway, I'm mostly just venting. She's currently a medical mystery, apparently, but the health visitors keep riding me and it's stressing me out. Next visit is to the big hospital. Yay...

Have you considered formula supplementation?

Fable · Feb 17, 2018

She said she has done that

Septimus Prime · Feb 17, 2018

My bad.

Dr_LawyerCop · Feb 19, 2018

Hello, ParentGAF. My wife and I are expecting our first child in June. My parents bought us the ridiculously expensive car seat/stroller travel system we wanted, but I think because of its availability on amazon they got us grey instead of black like my wife wanted. Well we've returned it and now I'm looking at buying the black version. It's being sold through amazon warehouse as like-new opened box for much cheaper than it cost new. It's not available "new". Reading the description, it sounds like it might just have damaged packaging, but the product itself is new. Is this correct and should I make this purchase? I understand you never want to buy a used car seat, but this doesn't sound "used".

doof_warrior · Feb 19, 2018

i'd say, unless you can be absolutely certain its not really "used", you should just get the new one in a color that they have in stock. since its "free" anyway
i'd be too paranoid about the seat haha

Deleted member 4212 · Feb 20, 2018

Are people okay with public breastfeeding in America? I remember reading some controversy about it but it was a long time ago. If you cover up with a blanket, is it okay in most situations?

Hollywood Duo · Feb 20, 2018

Aquavelvaman said:
Are people okay with public breastfeeding in America? I remember reading some controversy about it but it was a long time ago. If you cover up with a blanket, is it okay in most situations?

Mostly ok. My wife never had issues and she didn't even use a coverup just found a quiet area.

doof_warrior · Feb 20, 2018

we've only been out a few times so far where she had to feed, but my wife hasn't had any issues feeding with her coverup.

Fable · Feb 20, 2018

I tended to try and nurse in my car. My son wasn't used to a coverup and would just pull it off and I didn't see why he had to suffer from it. Most of the time I had no issues but I did have a couple men who would stare and one came up to the window and tapped the glass and grinned at me. It was really uncomfortable. It's honestly going to depend on where you are, I think.

Tbm24 · Feb 20, 2018

Just wanted to give an update on my situation. First by saying I appreciate the comments and advice. My wife has been doing better. Rushing home that day was the right call and I ended up taking the day after off as well. It's safe to say that day was her breaking point. It was a lose lose lose situation all around for her that day because after everything she ended up feeling ultra depressed worrying she scarred our daughter and made her hate her. She's aware she's depressed and has a therapist, has had one for years since her assault. It just only does so much. I have looked into the idea of a nanny type person for hours at a time as it's the most economical(thanks for the suggestion H.Protagonist). The tricky part here is now getting my wife to agree and be comfortable with it, our living space is a small one bedroom, and I mean NYC small. It's a hard sell but working on it.

There's is light at the end of the tunnel here though. As I mentioned she's doing a lot better and is much more aware of what she's actually feeling than prior. That day I rushed home she snapped and broke some non essential things to get some relief. Not what I would have preferred clearly but I can't judge her, really can't imagine what she's dealing with and just watching it all hasn't drained me. So I think that day really cracked whatever was clouding her and it's been much better since. Now I'm not naive, how long will that last if nothing changes? As luck would have it, this whole thing has made me late more often than not to work because it's fucking hard to leave your wife and child at home knowing she's already given up before the days began and is going to be miserable. I've found myself losing track of time just trying something, anything to help. Only to leave knowing I didn't accomplish shit, if anything just made it worse because she's aware I'm going to be late. My manager ended up giving me a call(he's based in Texas) to talk to me about my lateness and how it's become a real problem.

Now I don't know others experience with their superiors but I work for a very large Fortune 500 and my managers have always been.....cold let's say about life happenings. My current manager however is a fucking rock star. I couldn't avoid talking about the issues at home with my wife and child. He ended up being super supportive and gave me the option to take a 4 day 10 hour schedule as opposed to 5 day 8 hour week. Was genuinely tough to hold back tears because I actually felt like I could do something. An extra day at home would fucking do so much for my wife. I told my wife and she was jumping out of her chair. This doesn't fix the issue but it's definitely giving us something new to work with and hope to improve the situation. Planning on having her head into the office an extra day on those days to get out and be a human. I think it'll give her back something she's lost since the later months of pregnancy until now.

This ended up being longer than I expected but I really appreciate having a place to get this out somewhere. Talking to others, particularly family with an old school mentality seem to have a hard time understanding the emotional and physical toll that childbearing and raising takes on mothers.

Also water_tempo, besides being super attached to us(wife in particular), my daughter is as healthy as they come. She just recently turned 8 months and is tall for her age. She's way too strong for her age too, this morning she stood on her own for a solid 2 seconds before an elegant fall on her bum. Every time I take her in for a check up I'm always told she's a mini athlete already. She had a potential heart murmur scare 3 months in and I took her to a specialist. Ended up being told her heart couldn't be more perfect. So besides teething, the only thing I can imagine bothers her is being unable to do certain things because her body is still learning. We're letting her roam the living room with makeshift gates setup and she thinks she's on baby ninja warrior. I give her a solid two weeks before she walks on her own like it's no big deal. The minute she realizes she can do something with her body(like hold herself up with one hand on anything she can get that hand on to), she's been having a ball.

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