ParentERA |OT| What To Expect When You’re Not Sleeping

Nephtes

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,298
Yesterday was 1 month for our newborn, and she celebrated by projectile pooping all over her changing table and the wall while I was changing her bleary eyed at 5AM before I went to work. Shit was literally running down the wall! Fun times!
I knew there was a reason we didn't set up a changing table in the baby room and opted instead for a changing pad in the bathroom with tile walls and floors that can be hosed down... You confirmed it to be the right choice. 👍
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,705
Our 9 month old has been insanely good to us for poop/pee incidents. He's really only peed a handful of times while changing and only once off the table he was currently on, and that was day 2 in the hospital. He's obviously had some diaper blowouts but honestly nothing too terrible that a quick dip in the bath doesn't fix. Yesterday he did poop in the tub but we caught it instantly so no biggie.

Here's hoping it stays that way.
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,695
Yesterday was 1 month for our newborn, and she celebrated by projectile pooping all over her changing table and the wall while I was changing her bleary eyed at 5AM before I went to work. Shit was literally running down the wall! Fun times!
Hey I've been there!

Our 9 month old has been insanely good to us for poop/pee incidents. He's really only peed a handful of times while changing and only once off the table he was currently on, and that was day 2 in the hospital. He's obviously had some diaper blowouts but honestly nothing too terrible that a quick dip in the bath doesn't fix. Yesterday he did poop in the tub but we caught it instantly so no biggie.

Here's hoping it stays that way.
Our 10 mos old has yet to poop in the tub. I hope she never does because there's nothing better than pooping in the tub.
 

GG-Duo

Member
Oct 27, 2017
357
Kick them out and tell them when they can come back.



Yeah we intended to use one, but ended up co-sleeping a lot instead. Ours was more than large enough for her (something like this). Some people probably use sleep sacks, swaddling the arms.
Do you use a co-sleeper? I’m super afraid of SIDS.
Also our newborn seems to hate being swaddled. She constantly pushes her arms and legs through.
 

CrudeDiatribe

Member
Oct 25, 2017
698
Eastern Canada
Do you use a co-sleeper? I’m super afraid of SIDS.
I think you’d not be a parent if you weren’t concerned about SIDS.

Initially we used a pool noodle stuck inside a pillow case to create a frame for her so she couldn’t move, on top of having her legs/body swaddled. I think we simply stopped when she got too big for it. The only scare we had was when she was put in the bed when I was already asleep and I started to roll over, but woke up when I came into contact with her.

Transitioned to the crib at 7-8 months, I think? I could look up my posts about it. Just started by her being put in her crib asleep and leaving her there for as long as she lasted before waking up and screaming which fairly quickly became the whole night.

Transitioning her to falling asleep in her crib was a bigger pain in the ass.

Also our newborn seems to hate being swaddled. She constantly pushes her arms and legs through.
She hated having her arms bound up, so we never tried that again. She ended up scratching her face a lot but someone has made it to 23 months with an intact face.
 

emag

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,909
I think you’d not be a parent if you weren’t concerned about SIDS.
Cosleeping-related SIDS fears are vastly overblown in the US. Outside of parents' heavy drug use, rare medical conditions, or extreme obesity, co-sleeping-related deaths are vanishingly uncommon. For what its worth, most of the world co-sleeps and has lower SIDS rates than the US.

US pediatricians and obgyns are obsessed with what amount to marginal risks, such as sushi and soft cheeses and co-sleeping, that the rest of the world does fine with.

Do you have one of the swaddle sacks?
Sleep sacks are great.
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,695
Our 10mos old naps with me from like 6am - 730. She usually wakes up around 530 or so, I get up, change her, give her a bottle,a nd my wife is a teacher so she's at work, and so she lays down in the big bed with me after her bottle. It's hilarious how she will fall asleep IMMEDIATELY in our bed, and makes it so tempting, but we don't co sleep at night usually.

I have my dog curled up on one side of me, and then the baby in the middle of the bed on the other and she's out like a light, dog is snoring. I'm usually curled into some awkward pretzel position, but it's the best time of my day.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,705
I have my dog curled up on one side of me, and then the baby in the middle of the bed on the other and she's out like a light, dog is snoring. I'm usually curled into some awkward pretzel position, but it's the best time of my day.
Morning naps are so nice. Our 10 month old can't fall asleep unless rocked to sleep. Definitely won't fall asleep with a bottle, but yeah I rock him to sleep at about 7:30/8 for his morning nap (he wakes up usually at like 5). Then I get to relax for a bit. Watch TV on my phone with my headphones in or read while drinking coffee and watching him peacefully nap.

I really should put him down for naps now, but goddamn that little break in the day is so nice. That and I know for a fact his naps would then only last 30 minutes and not a second more if he was away from one of us.

We don't do co-sleeping at night, but I wouldn't be against it now that he's bigger. Our main issue is currently in the crib our cats leave him the fuck alone. I'm not sure why, but they do. One of our cats is incredibly cuddly but also dumb so he'll claw me and keep me awake a lot. I don't want to subject the little one to that and have him wake up even more. And if we locked our cats out they'd pound the goddamned door all night and wake us all up.
 

johnny_park

Member
Jan 16, 2018
50
I drop off my son at my gf's parents house in the morning when I go to work if my gf is working an overnight shift. When she went to pick him up today her mother had cut his bangs. She was pissed.

I don't understand why her mom would think it is ok to cut his hair without asking us.
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,695
Grandparents man, they're so weird.

My mother's thing is to make small jabs at us by talking to the baby. "OH did your daddy not put a thick enough coat on you today?" and shit like that. It's these small shade comments.
 

Septimus Prime

EA
Verified
Oct 25, 2017
4,195
Any thoughts on on-site daycare at your work? I just had a spot open up for my older son, which would get my younger to the top of the wait-list if I enroll. The trouble is that this comes right as I'm about to enroll them at another place near home.

From what I can tell, the main pros to work daycare would be cost and convenience, though cost would come out a wash because I'd already lose money from the deposits on the other place. Convenience would be good because I could drop off and pick up when I go to and from work, which I'm going to do most of the time anyway. It would just suck if I get sick or work from home, since work is about a half hour's commute away.

Do you think it's worth it?
 

Rocketz

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,944
Ferndale, Michigan
My son picked up buzzing with his lips over the weekend. From where I dunno but we laid him down for bed and he just spent 20 minutes rolling around making buzzing noises.

My wife and I were dying listening to him on the monitor.
 

emag

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,909
Any thoughts on on-site daycare at your work? I just had a spot open up for my older son, which would get my younger to the top of the wait-list if I enroll. The trouble is that this comes right as I'm about to enroll them at another place near home.

From what I can tell, the main pros to work daycare would be cost and convenience, though cost would come out a wash because I'd already lose money from the deposits on the other place. Convenience would be good because I could drop off and pick up when I go to and from work, which I'm going to do most of the time anyway. It would just suck if I get sick or work from home, since work is about a half hour's commute away.

Do you think it's worth it?
On-site daycare is fantastic, all other things being equal. I’d happily pay extra to have the convenience and added time w/ child.

That said, you’ll have to consider how often you work from home or travel for work.
 

RustyNails

Member
Oct 26, 2017
9,029
I think I need intervention with my 4yo who is gonna be 5 in couple of months. He is not emotionally developing enough and has really tough time being flexible for a 4 yo. He still acts and picks up after his 2 year old brother which is really troubling. Like he is dropping his sentences and using one or two words like a toddler. He has incredibly tough time taking no for an answer. Like, super tough. You basically have to negotiate a hostage situation with this kid. Reason and reward. Bribe with something better. If you're lucky it will work but it rarely does. Anything outside of a structure he has trouble adapting. He is very, very active. Needs constant stimulation and constant attention too.

Biggest embarrassment comes on playgrounds where he has absolutely no clue how to play with other kids. Like, he wants the soccer ball but won't pass it to others. The other day we were at a mall that had an open area and fluffy soccer balls kids his age were playing. He goes and grabs it, and wants it for himself. When other kids rightfully take it back, he bursts into tears.

But here's a twist. He is absolutely enamored with numbers. It's beyond ridiculous how much he likes them. He likes to count them, watch a number counter on YouTube and even when I'm filling gas he wants to see the total on the gasoline pump. He loves getting high scores on games. He is also really bright for his age. He can read a kids' book and loves learning about space. Neil Armstrong is his favorite hero, not Captain America or Batman (nothing wrong with either). He loves learning new things constantly.

So today, we went to a friend's party and in backyard the kids were playing soccer. So a similar situation happened. He grabbed the ball and sat on it and shut his entire body and mind with a frown face. On the fly I came up with a solution. "RustyNails Jr, for every time you kick and pass the ball to this other kid, you get 20 points". His eyes lit up and he immediately started playing...like a normal kid. And he was enjoying it too! The problem was he was playing to get a high score even though it looked like he was having a ton of fun.

So, am I being an overreacting internet parent? Or should I take him to see a child psychologist or someone? We have tried everything with this kid. He and his emotions are so, so, so difficult to manage. I am completely exhausted by afternoon on the weekends with him. There's so much more to him. Like I said he is also really bright and loves being challenged.
 

BriareosGAF

Member
Oct 28, 2017
902
So, am I being an overreacting internet parent? Or should I take him to see a child psychologist or someone?
It would be good to see someone, or even two to get multiple opinions if that's not a burden, if for no other reason than to set your self at ease. The hardest part of this process is usually getting to a point where you accept that it's not a commentary on your parenting, or that there is someting "wrong" with your child. Being concerned and trying to solve a problem now so it doesn't grow into something more difficult is exactly what a conscientious parent should be doing. You can get referrals from your GP.
 

Chopchop

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,854
So we've been struggling to teach our kid to use a spoon to feed himself. He'd usually refuse at dinner and then whine until we spoofed him, and it's frustrating because he's shown enough motor skills with other things to make us sure that he could use a spoon if he tried.

After a few weeks of this, we talk about this to our day care and the day care person says he can use a spoon fine....?

So the next day, we give him his dessert in a bowl with a spoon, and hide so that he can't call us for help.

He whines fruitlessly for a few minutes, then... Picks up the spoon and eats the whole dessert with it.

God fucking dammit. I'm annoyed, amused, and proud all at the same time.

So, am I being an overreacting internet parent? Or should I take him to see a child psychologist or someone? We have tried everything with this kid. He and his emotions are so, so, so difficult to manage. I am completely exhausted by afternoon on the weekends with him. There's so much more to him. Like I said he is also really bright and loves being challenged.
You may want to take him to see someone. Even a normal pediatrician may be able to evaluate him and tell you if there's any reason to go see a specialist, and point you in the right direction.

If you don't want to visit a doctor, there may be official health hotlines you can call for advice, depending on where you live. They may also be able to point you in the right direction.

Even if the ped says "there's nothing wrong with him", that's at least a load off your mind.

Grandparents man, they're so weird.

My mother's thing is to make small jabs at us by talking to the baby. "OH did your daddy not put a thick enough coat on you today?" and shit like that. It's these small shade comments.
Man, I hate that condescending shit. I've gotten stuff like that once or twice from my mom, but I think I looked annoyed enough about it that she learned to knock it off.

I've heard of strangers pulling this on dads about this stuff before because of the useless dad stereotype, and it sucks. But it's especially annoying when it's your own relatives pulling that shit.

Any thoughts on on-site daycare at your work?
My old workplace had one and I think it was about the same cost as any other daycare. But I didn't go for it because there was always some asshole or another taking a smoke break within a dozen paces of the outdoor area of the daycare.

I also changed jobs, so if you're not too happy with your current job, that's also a factor.
 
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RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,705
I think I need intervention with my 4yo who is gonna be 5 in couple of months. He is not emotionally developing enough and has really tough time being flexible for a 4 yo. He still acts and picks up after his 2 year old brother which is really troubling. Like he is dropping his sentences and using one or two words like a toddler. He has incredibly tough time taking no for an answer. Like, super tough. You basically have to negotiate a hostage situation with this kid. Reason and reward. Bribe with something better. If you're lucky it will work but it rarely does. Anything outside of a structure he has trouble adapting. He is very, very active. Needs constant stimulation and constant attention too.

Biggest embarrassment comes on playgrounds where he has absolutely no clue how to play with other kids. Like, he wants the soccer ball but won't pass it to others. The other day we were at a mall that had an open area and fluffy soccer balls kids his age were playing. He goes and grabs it, and wants it for himself. When other kids rightfully take it back, he bursts into tears.

But here's a twist. He is absolutely enamored with numbers. It's beyond ridiculous how much he likes them. He likes to count them, watch a number counter on YouTube and even when I'm filling gas he wants to see the total on the gasoline pump. He loves getting high scores on games. He is also really bright for his age. He can read a kids' book and loves learning about space. Neil Armstrong is his favorite hero, not Captain America or Batman (nothing wrong with either). He loves learning new things constantly.

So today, we went to a friend's party and in backyard the kids were playing soccer. So a similar situation happened. He grabbed the ball and sat on it and shut his entire body and mind with a frown face. On the fly I came up with a solution. "RustyNails Jr, for every time you kick and pass the ball to this other kid, you get 20 points". His eyes lit up and he immediately started playing...like a normal kid. And he was enjoying it too! The problem was he was playing to get a high score even though it looked like he was having a ton of fun.

So, am I being an overreacting internet parent? Or should I take him to see a child psychologist or someone? We have tried everything with this kid. He and his emotions are so, so, so difficult to manage. I am completely exhausted by afternoon on the weekends with him. There's so much more to him. Like I said he is also really bright and loves being challenged.

This does not sound fully like what's going on at all, I think there's more to it, but your post did remind me of these two pieces I had seen recently:

What's So Bad About Bribing Your Child?
3. Because when children are rewarded for a desired behavior (sharing, reading, eating broccoli) they actually do less of the behavior.

Now, this is convincing. Research shows that rewarding a child for a behavior communicates that the behavior must be unpleasant, since you "have to be rewarded" for doing it. Unfortunately, this is true not only for material rewards but even for the reward of praise (Research shows that "Good sharing!"makes kids share less -- unless an adult is watching.)

This seems to be because rewards are so powerful they make kids focus on the reward as the benefit of what they assume is an "unpleasant" activity. So they never experience the inherent rewards of the activity itself: Sharing can give you a good feeling, reading can be entrancing, and broccoli can taste good!

Conclusion: Using bribes to manipulate kids to repeat a desired behavior is a control tactic that makes kids focus on the reward rather than helping them want to repeat the behavior. Luckily, there's an alternative. We can point out the result of the behavior and empower our child to decide if he wants to repeat it: "Sam looked so happy when you shared your truck with him!"

4. Because when children get used to constant rewards for doing what we ask, we're training them that the reason to do what we ask is because they'll "get" something.

This is certainly true. As children get older, they learn that once we're offering them a reward, they can negotiate it upwards. So if your child ever says "What do I get if I do that?" you know that you've taken rewards way too far. And as we established above, if you offer your child a "reward" for stopping "bad" behavior, you're actually training him to misbehave in order to get future rewards.

Conclusion: We've all pulled out an enticement on an airplane, or at Grandma's house, hoping to distract our child from an impending explosion. And that's fine; think of it as triage. Just know that your child still has all those feelings pent up inside looking for an outlet, and be sure you welcome those feelings later, even if it means a meltdown. And for this strategy to be effective, you have to resist using it except in "emergencies." While a peaceful Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma's may qualify as an emergency, the supermarket check-out line probably doesn't, simply because it happens so often, and your child will learn how to use it to extort bribes. It's better in the long run to just walk away and leave your shopping cart than to use a bribe once your child is demanding one.

Why bribing kids with rewards doesn’t work
Offering rewards can actually take away from this beautiful natural motivation by making a child want to do something for you rather than for himself.

For example, say Johnny naturally enjoys raking leaves. It’s a great chance to be outside and use his big muscles and accomplish a useful task, which feels good. But maybe one day you ask him and he says “no” because he’s busy building with blocks. You have company coming over and you really want the leaves raked, so you offer him a reward, maybe candy or extra screen time, for doing it.The leaves get raked and Johnny is happy because he got an extra 30 minutes on the iPad.Everyone wins, right?

But what about next time? Your child may no longer want to rake leaves for the joy of it. Now he expects a reward. He is now extrinsically motivated.

This is not only a small annoyance—now you have to stockpile candy or rake the leaves yourself—it is a fundamental change in how a child sees work.

Intrinsically motivated children work hard because they enjoy a challenge, they want to learn how to do new things, and they enjoy the sense of satisfaction that comes from contributing to the community.

Extrinsically motivated children do things for others’ praise or to get a prize. This mindset can follow a child into adulthood, so it is important to support their natural intrinsic motivation while they’re young.

It turns out rewards don’t work for adult behavior either, as habit and human nature expert Gretchen Rubin writes about here. For both children and adults, rewards only work in the short term.

Rewards diminish an activity’s value
Telling your child that you’ll give him something to complete a task implies that the task is somehow unpleasant or not inherently valuable.

For example, “You can pick out a toy from the toy store if you turn in your homework every day for a month” implies that the homework is not worth doing for its own sake.

Interesting studies have been conducted around this effect in schools. In her book Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius, Angeline Lillard discusses the science of motivation. She seeks scientific data comparing the traditional schools’ reward-based grading system with Montessori schools, which emphasize intrinsic motivation and often do not give grades.

Among others, Lillard cites Mark Lepper’s study of 3-5 year olds which tracked how offering rewards impacted their interest in coloring with markers. One group of children was offered a reward (a fancy gold star plaque) for coloring and the other group was offered nothing. The reward group was found to use the markers only half as much as the group that was not rewarded a few weeks later.

Offering a reward implies that an activity is unpleasant or not inherently valuable on its own, hence the need for the reward.

Rewards ignore the underlying issue
Offering a reward for a desired behavior ignores the underlying reason that a child is refusing. For example, a parent might think, “My child refuses to read, I’ll give him a sticker for each book he reads.”

This type of system fails to ask why the child doesn’t like to read. Maybe he doesn’t have any books that interest him and he would love a book about dinosaurs. Maybe the books he’s being asked to read are too challenging (or not challenging enough!). Maybe he would enjoy reading more if you were sitting next to him reading too or he would enjoy being read to.

If your child is refusing to do something, there is generally a reason why, and offering a reward can prevent you from discovering what that reason is.

Not saying you bribing him during your 'hostage situations' is causing it, but I think there's definitely a motivation issue going on. He's obviously not finding motivation from the fun of playing with others but is finding it with reward systems. I think some people may just be more wired that way. Maybe thinking about that sort of thing will help you taylor responses to him. Maybe he is consciously or unconsciously trying to manipulate some sort of reward from things.
 

splash wave

Member
Oct 25, 2017
552
Bay Area, CA
My girlfriend is in labor right now and I’m kind of a mess. This process is just so insanely stressful, with little quirks and twists that have happened along the way that scare the shit out of me. Can I get some words of encouragement? I think we have another half a day to go.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,705
My girlfriend is in labor right now and I’m kind of a mess. This process is just so insanely stressful, with little quirks and twists that have happened along the way that scare the shit out of me. Can I get some words of encouragement? I think we have another half a day to go.
The thing about labor and pregnancy in general is that we as a society tend to not talk about it. We whitewash the whole thing. It's a crazy process and a lot of women experience complications throughout. So when you're in the moment that makes it even scarier, thinking what's happening is some big outlier. It's not. You've likely got a great medical team around her, and they know what they're doing. They'll help her through, and you guys will be on the other side of the equation praying for sleep like the rest of us. But you'll have an amazing baby after it all. Focus on your girlfriend and helping her in any way you can. And if you can't, then get some good rest. However much you can, because you'll need to be there for her and the little one very soon.

Hoping things go well for you guys!
 

BriareosGAF

Member
Oct 28, 2017
902
Can I get some words of encouragement?
As RDreamer hinted, there's literally never been a better time in history than now to be having a baby when it comes to care, so take some solace in that. We played some games, crossword puzzles, talked, tracked all the contractions on 3x5 cards, etc. It will get crazy and weird at some point (for us that was a trip to the bathroom that was probably too late in the process for them to be letting us try that) and then you'll be in active labor and pushing and that's also crazy and weird and super interesting. Stay calm, ask questions if you need clarification, and support your partner (mostly by staying calm).

Good luck!
 

splash wave

Member
Oct 25, 2017
552
Bay Area, CA
The thing about labor and pregnancy in general is that we as a society tend to not talk about it. We whitewash the whole thing. It's a crazy process and a lot of women experience complications throughout. So when you're in the moment that makes it even scarier, thinking what's happening is some big outlier. It's not. You've likely got a great medical team around her, and they know what they're doing. They'll help her through, and you guys will be on the other side of the equation praying for sleep like the rest of us. But you'll have an amazing baby after it all. Focus on your girlfriend and helping her in any way you can. And if you can't, then get some good rest. However much you can, because you'll need to be there for her and the little one very soon.

Hoping things go well for you guys!
As RDreamer hinted, there's literally never been a better time in history than now to be having a baby when it comes to care, so take some solace in that. We played some games, crossword puzzles, talked, tracked all the contractions on 3x5 cards, etc. It will get crazy and weird at some point (for us that was a trip to the bathroom that was probably too late in the process for them to be letting us try that) and then you'll be in active labor and pushing and that's also crazy and weird and super interesting. Stay calm, ask questions if you need clarification, and support your partner (mostly by staying calm).

Good luck!
I sincerely appreciate the kind words. It isn’t even worth explaining what happened, but the difficult part has likely passed. It didn’t help that our nurse was just not at all comforting. I’ve been able to stay outwardly strong for my partner but I’m so just so unbelievably exhausted that it’s getting tough.

Our daughter will in all likelihood be out before Father’s Day!
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,705
I sincerely appreciate the kind words. It isn’t even worth explaining what happened, but the difficult part has likely passed. It didn’t help that our nurse was just not at all comforting. I’ve been able to stay outwardly strong for my partner but I’m so just so unbelievably exhausted that it’s getting tough.

Our daughter will in all likelihood be out before Father’s Day!
That’s a huge bummer. The nurse with us the majority of time until birth when the doctors were there was abso-fucking-lutely over-the-top amazing. She deserves awards. And a raise. We had one I didn’t quite like for an hour or so prior to her. So thankful we got her.

Congrats ahead of time. You’ll definitely have an exhausting but very happy first Father’s Day!
 

Nephtes

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,298
All the about to be new dads, congrats!
And get some sleep in the delivery room while you cannnnnnnnnn...

Take it from me, John Nephtes, currently feeding my 3 week old daughter at 2:50am on Father’s Day...because that’s what you do now. Take care of a Tamagotchi...a very loud Tamagotchi...whenever she needs it because you love her (and it’s your only way to get back to the thing you want...sleep).
 

Kyuur

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,602
Happy dad day to all my fellow dads. I took my 15 month old to a BBQ fest today. She loved the beans, cornbread and potatoes -- no pulled pork though, still has a slight aversion to meat.

I sincerely appreciate the kind words. It isn’t even worth explaining what happened, but the difficult part has likely passed. It didn’t help that our nurse was just not at all comforting. I’ve been able to stay outwardly strong for my partner but I’m so just so unbelievably exhausted that it’s getting tough.

Our daughter will in all likelihood be out before Father’s Day!
Hope all went well!
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,705
Hope all the dads here had a good fathers day.

It just feels like last week we were starting to crawl. Now were onto standing on our own.
Fun times! Ours crawled (normally) and started pushing up at pretty much the same exact time. He was army crawling for a few weeks prior though. Now at 9.5 months he can stand just from the floor without pushing on anything. Can't walk yet.

The first few weeks of pushing up on stuff I joked was a time of "two hands on the baby at all times." Lots of testing things out.
 
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Anno

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,437
Columbus, Ohio
Ours just refused to crawl as a means of getting around. She would to get under things but to move she just butt scooted everywhere. I think it’s because she really liked carrying things around.

Now we’re trying to get her to use a fork and she’s instead decided maybe forks should be used as weapons.

 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,695
Our ~10.5mos old hasn't crawled at all, but she's just recently moved onto pulling herself up. My wife worries about the non-crawling stuff, but I don't really care... I think kids'll just do their thing. She's tried to crawl, she shows interest in it, and she'll move a bit, but not really keep at it and find something in her immediate vicinity to occupy her.
 

Nephtes

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,298
Our ~10.5mos old hasn't crawled at all, but she's just recently moved onto pulling herself up. My wife worries about the non-crawling stuff, but I don't really care... I think kids'll just do their thing. She's tried to crawl, she shows interest in it, and she'll move a bit, but not really keep at it and find something in her immediate vicinity to occupy her.
You're probably fine. I have a niece that never crawled. She scooted on her butt everywhere till she learned to walk at around 14 months... And her parents have never stopped complaining about how mobile she is and how she gets into everything and they have to have everything bolted down or latched shut now...
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,306
My wife gave birth to twin boys on Saturday. The three are still in hospital being monitored but all healthy and well. Some minor problems getting them to feed so far with slightly greater weight loss than desirable but it can be managed.

I'm exhausted already. It just doesn't stop. But I know already, after 48 hours, that it couldn't be more worth it.
 

splash wave

Member
Oct 25, 2017
552
Bay Area, CA
That’s a huge bummer. The nurse with us the majority of time until birth when the doctors were there was abso-fucking-lutely over-the-top amazing. She deserves awards. And a raise. We had one I didn’t quite like for an hour or so prior to her. So thankful we got her.

Congrats ahead of time. You’ll definitely have an exhausting but very happy first Father’s Day!
Yeah,
The thing about labor and pregnancy in general is that we as a society tend to not talk about it. We whitewash the whole thing. It's a crazy process and a lot of women experience complications throughout. So when you're in the moment that makes it even scarier, thinking what's happening is some big outlier. It's not. You've likely got a great medical team around her, and they know what they're doing. They'll help her through, and you guys will be on the other side of the equation praying for sleep like the rest of us. But you'll have an amazing baby after it all. Focus on your girlfriend and helping her in any way you can. And if you can't, then get some good rest. However much you can, because you'll need to be there for her and the little one very soon.

Hoping things go well for you guys!
As RDreamer hinted, there's literally never been a better time in history than now to be having a baby when it comes to care, so take some solace in that. We played some games, crossword puzzles, talked, tracked all the contractions on 3x5 cards, etc. It will get crazy and weird at some point (for us that was a trip to the bathroom that was probably too late in the process for them to be letting us try that) and then you'll be in active labor and pushing and that's also crazy and weird and super interesting. Stay calm, ask questions if you need clarification, and support your partner (mostly by staying calm).

Good luck!
That’s a huge bummer. The nurse with us the majority of time until birth when the doctors were there was abso-fucking-lutely over-the-top amazing. She deserves awards. And a raise. We had one I didn’t quite like for an hour or so prior to her. So thankful we got her.

Congrats ahead of time. You’ll definitely have an exhausting but very happy first Father’s Day!
Happy dad day to all my fellow dads. I took my 15 month old to a BBQ fest today. She loved the beans, cornbread and potatoes -- no pulled pork though, still has a slight aversion to meat.



Hope all went well!
Thanks again to everyone. Labor ended up being a fucking nightmare (long story, but it ended with my partner having to be heavily drugged and given a c-section), but both she and the baby came out of it perfectly healthy. Our daughter was born on Father’s Day. <3
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,695
ParentEra, I got a Q...

I'm flying to Europe with our 11mo old in a couple weeks and we're staying at a relative's house in Italy for a week. My aunt has a nice house in Italy, but she obviously doesn't have baby stuff there, most notably, a pack and play or crib. Originally we were thinking baby will just sleep in our bed, but she's crawling around at this age, and I could see her waking up and crawling about the bed, falling off, and thne we'd be freaking out.

Long story short ... anybody got suggestions for how to best get a pack & play to europe? I was thinking maybe we could just buy one from Amazon.it and have it shipped to my aunt's house... but navigating Amazon.it, even with google translate, is pretty challenging and it's tough because I'm searching for American products which ship from AMerica and so th shipping is very high (~$100+), which defeats the purpose.

Have any of you shipped like this similarly in the past for baby stuff when traveling? ParcelMonkey? USPS? UPS? DHL...?
 

Kyuur

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,602
How big is your biggest suitcase?

Only half joking. We did this once before but our daughter wasn't as old as yours, plus she's tiny to begin with.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,705
ParentEra, I got a Q...

I'm flying to Europe with our 11mo old in a couple weeks and we're staying at a relative's house in Italy for a week. My aunt has a nice house in Italy, but she obviously doesn't have baby stuff there, most notably, a pack and play or crib. Originally we were thinking baby will just sleep in our bed, but she's crawling around at this age, and I could see her waking up and crawling about the bed, falling off, and thne we'd be freaking out.

Long story short ... anybody got suggestions for how to best get a pack & play to europe? I was thinking maybe we could just buy one from Amazon.it and have it shipped to my aunt's house... but navigating Amazon.it, even with google translate, is pretty challenging and it's tough because I'm searching for American products which ship from AMerica and so th shipping is very high (~$100+), which defeats the purpose.

Have any of you shipped like this similarly in the past for baby stuff when traveling? ParcelMonkey? USPS? UPS? DHL...?
There are services that let you rent cribs and stuff. We’ve used them in the US. I was curious for Italy and did a quick search. This place rents in Italy.
 

BriareosGAF

Member
Oct 28, 2017
902
I'm flying to Europe with our 11mo old in a couple weeks and we're staying at a relative's house in Italy for a week. My aunt has a nice house in Italy, but she obviously doesn't have baby stuff there, most notably, a pack and play or crib.
I would just have her buy one and reimburse her? Compared to cost of trip, seems like way less hassle. There are rental services in Europe, though, if you want to try that:


etc.
 

RedNalgene

Member
Oct 25, 2017
330
There are services that let you rent cribs and stuff. We’ve used them in the US. I was curious for Italy and did a quick search. This place rents in Italy.
Came to suggest this. We've done this all over the US since we tend to rent AirBnBs instead of hotels and AirBnBs typically don't have cribs, but I'm sure you can find a place wherever you are in Italy that does the same thing. Many of them will even deliver what you need.

Alternatively, can your relative buy/order the pack and play and other necessities for you, so you don't have to navigate international shipping?
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,695
Oh nice I'll check those out! We're staying near Moncalvo which is like an hour from Torino and Milan, so might be able to check those cities for rentals. Thank you, had no idea about that rental site... My wife and I have stayed in Hotels with the baby but we used to stay in Airbnbs pre-baby, so that's a great service!

damn looks like the only rental location for that Travel Baby Italia site is in Rome, which we're pretty far from. But I'll check more
 

Scheris

Member
Oct 27, 2017
355
You're probably fine. I have a niece that never crawled. She scooted on her butt everywhere till she learned to walk at around 14 months... And her parents have never stopped complaining about how mobile she is and how she gets into everything and they have to have everything bolted down or latched shut now...
Seconding this, my mother said I went straight from being immobile to walking around 14 months (granted I was the kind of kid that had perpetual bruises on my head at that age from walking into stuff lol).
 

Septimus Prime

EA
Verified
Oct 25, 2017
4,195
My son didn't skip crawling, per se, but he moved almost immediately to walking. We were a little worried because all the kids his age and younger were crawling, but then once he got it, he just moved on right away.
 

RedNalgene

Member
Oct 25, 2017
330
My daughter scooted on one knee for a number of months before she just started walking. We were worried a little bit because she would sorta drag one leg behind her when she scooted (always the same leg) and although she was standing and walking with assistance, it seemed like the one leg that was dragging was way weaker than the other. Then one day she took two steps on her own. Next day she took like 4 steps. Next day she walked across the room. After a week she was basically running, and showed no leg dominance. So yeah, we worried for nothing, but it's easy to get caught up in "looking for clues" when something doesn't follow what you'd expect.
 

Nephtes

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,298
1ish month update.

My daughter turns one month old in 14 hours from now or so.
After one month of surviving without a "Rock and Play" (because of the recall and my wife is terrified putting the baby's toe in it will kill her) or any other kind of artificial baby soothing device (swing, bouncer, etc.), my sister-in-law pulled out her kid's baby swing and showed my wife how to get much needed peace and quiet.

So after going back and forth on baby swing models and finding one that met all of her exacting specifications we went to Target and picked it up last night.

I assembled it in under 20 minutes, we put the baby in it and she fell right to sleep.

10 minutes later, the baby spit up the entire contents of her stomach all over the swing and floor and now my wife has relegated the swing over to the Rock and Play pile... 😭

Some day I'll get sleep again....some day. 😖
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,705
1ish month update.

My daughter turns one month old in 14 hours from now or so.
After one month of surviving without a "Rock and Play" (because of the recall and my wife is terrified putting the baby's toe in it will kill her) or any other kind of artificial baby soothing device (swing, bouncer, etc.), my sister-in-law pulled out her kid's baby swing and showed my wife how to get much needed peace and quiet.

So after going back and forth on baby swing models and finding one that met all of her exacting specifications we went to Target and picked it up last night.

I assembled it in under 20 minutes, we put the baby in it and she fell right to sleep.

10 minutes later, the baby spit up the entire contents of her stomach all over the swing and floor and now my wife has relegated the swing over to the Rock and Play pile... 😭

Some day I'll get sleep again....some day. 😖
Hang in there man, just another 3 or so years!

But yeah, swings are definitely not for sleeping. Unsafe when unattended (presumably you'd be sleeping, too), and not good for bone development at all. It's good she relegated it to the rock and play pile. Babies shouldn't really be in 'baby gear' for more than like 20-30 minutes at most.

We're at 10 months and still probably average about 5 hours of sleep each night. The first month was shit, but honestly we knew it would be shit so we'd pound some caffeine and stay up while the other tried to sleep. After the first week where I got probably a combined 20 hours of sleep getting anything at all seemed good.

At about 1 month we got the technique down for putting him in the bassinet for night sleeping. It takes a shit-ton of finesse and care to do it, but we got there. Then we actually got some decent sleep from about 2 months to 4 months. He'd usually sleep for about 30 minutes right a way, wake up for some milk, then be out again for 3 or so hours. Then milk, then 2 hours, then milk, then maybe an hour or two. It worked out well.

4 months everything went to hell and never came back. He rarely sleeps past two hours and averages about an hour and a half each time. We might put our mattress on the floor and move to co-sleeping now that he's older and we feel things are safer (we don't drink or smoke or anything that makes it higher risk). We'll see.

If you sleep train/cry-it-out you can maybe get ahead of things for a bit, but my wife is about 1000% against that and I'm not terribly into it especially if she isn't.
 
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Nephtes

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,298
Hang in there man, just another 3 or so years!

But yeah, swings are definitely not for sleeping. Unsafe when unattended (presumably you'd be sleeping, too), and not good for bone development at all. It's good she relegated it to the rock and play pile. Babies shouldn't really be in 'baby gear' for more than like 20-30 minutes at most.

We're at 10 months and still probably average about 5 hours of sleep each night. The first month was shit, but honestly we knew it would be shit so we'd pound some caffeine and stay up while the other tried to sleep. At about 1 month we got the technique down for putting him in the bassinet for night sleeping. It takes a shit-ton of finesse and care to do it, but we got there. Then we actually got some decent sleep from about 2 months to 4 months. He'd usually sleep for about 30 minutes right a way, wake up for some milk, then be out again for 3 or so hours. Then milk, then 2 hours, then milk, then maybe an hour or two. It worked out well.

4 months everything went to hell and never came back. He rarely sleeps past two hours and averages about an hour and a half each time. We might put our mattress on the floor and move to co-sleeping now that he's older and we feel things are safer (we don't drink or smoke or anything that makes it higher risk). We'll see.

If you sleep train/cry-it-out you can maybe get ahead of things for a bit, but my wife is about 1000% against that and I'm not terribly into it especially if she isn't.
Eh, the swing wasn't so much for sleep as I just need something we can put the baby in to soothe her so we can get things done around the house. Like, we just just cannot keep up with things between me working and her focusing on the baby while she has maternity leave.

So typically what happens is, I get home and I get handed off a baby and my wife passes out. If I try to put her down to cook dinner or clean house, 7 times out of 10, she cries because she likes to be rocked The swing was mostly supposed to be for the purposes of quieting her so things could get done around the house.

We're looking forward to "cry it out" and "sleep training", but we've read you don't want to start that till they're 4 or 5 months old...
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,705
Eh, the swing wasn't so much for sleep as I just need something we can put the baby in to soothe her so we can get things done around the house. Like, we just just cannot keep up with things between me working and her focusing on the baby while she has maternity leave.

So typically what happens is, I get home and I get handed off a baby and my wife passes out. If I try to put her down to cook dinner or clean house, 7 times out of 10, she cries because she likes to be rocked The swing was mostly supposed to be for the purposes of quieting her so things could get done around the house.

We're looking forward to "cry it out" and "sleep training", but we've read you don't want to start that till they're 4 or 5 months old...
Ah, that makes sense and is totally fine. We didn't put ours in anything until like 3 or 4 months, then he was ok in baby wearing thing for a bit, like 20 minutes at a time. Then like 5 or 6 months I think it was I could put him in an exersaucer, again for only like 20 minutes, while cooking or doing something quick like pooping.

We learned to do a lot while holding him.

The house got fucking messy. That's just going to be true for a long time. Get used to that lol.

Our biggest trick? We made food in massive batches. Usually while the baby napped the other person would make food for the next week.

I also got good at squeezing chores into tiny bits of time. Every second of the day was utilized.

Your baby might be better with baby wearing, though. A lot are. Ours fucking HATED it until we could do forward facing. Then he liked it, but you're not supposed to have them like that too long anyway.