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ParentERA |OT| What To Expect When You’re Not Sleeping

Any chance you could give more information on this sleep training? Any resources, books etc on it? Did you get a sleep consultant or anything in to help?
I used a modified version of what they call the "Extinction" method. It's similar to some of what GiJose said about the checking at intervals that gradually increase. As he mentioned, babies of ~6 months are capable of sleeping through the night without needing to eat, so that's considered the time you can give it a go. You check that they're freshly changed, fed before bed (we used to do it right before bed), comfortable, etc. You do whatever mini-routine you do for your bedtime (we did a sound app on, a little bit of rocking, and then into the cot), and then leave. When they fuss or cry, wait a few minutes first, then go in and gently pat or lay your hand on their back or chest for reassurance, but don't pick up or talk. Just pat a little, or wait for a few moments, then leave. If they fuss or cry, wait for a slightly longer interval. Rinse repeat. I did this, and the longest interval I got to was not quite 30 mins on the first day, less than 20 mins the next day, and on the third day I only had to go in once (at the 7min? mark). After that she was pretty much 7-7. Before this I'd been getting maybe one 2hr stretch of sleep at best and she'd wake 4-6x a night. It was hell. She's been fantastic ever since (she's almost 4 now), and there have been no behavioral issues or concerns. She's a lovely kid and the full night of sleep has had a good effect on her as well. We have to remember that it's not just us getting crummy sleep but them too. Anyway, if you want more details, I'm happy to share via PM if you like. There are things you can do to pave the way before you try it like we did.



God, fuck. This is bleak. We're losing our damned minds.



Less bleak, but our baby is colicky, so... :/



How could you tell your child had a dairy allergy? We had suspected ours did, but some of the "symptoms" we realized were probably just colic, as switching to a soy formula (+breast milk) didn't seem to affect anything. I'd kill for our daughter to be on a similar sleep schedule. She had a decent run where she was sleeping 4-5 hours a stretch before getting restless and constantly waking up, but now she literally lasts about 20 minutes before her eyes just pop open. It's awful.
It was the weight tracking that revealed it. I breastfed both kids, and my first kid had pretty 'loose' poop, so when baby #2 had it I didn't think anything of it. That's just what breastfed poop looked like in my mind. She also didn't fuss at the boob or seem bothered by eating. She just slept horrifically (also like my first). After the 3rd weigh-in, though, it started to show that she wasn't gaining almost anything. She went from 50th percentile at her first weigh-in (even gained after being born!) down to between the 2nd and 9th, and no matter what I did to feed more or increase production or even supplement, she barely put on anything. They couldn't test her for a dairy allergy at that age, but they suggested it might be it and put me on a no-dairy diet (hell) and then Neocate, a super hypoallergenic formula. Eventually I had to stop breastfeeding completely at 4-ish months and just use the formula. She gained finally and stopped doing a nosedive in the weight department. She also started sleeping through the night on her own at 7 months. They said that the cramps/irritation/gas from the dairy allergy was most likely the thing that woke her so much, and she would comfort feed for the pain, but that would just bring more irritation because of the allergy... -_- I felt so horrible. Everything's sorted now, but her poop is horrendous if she has anything with concentrated dairy in it still. Never seemed fussed aside from that, though. Have you guys had any weight gain issues?
 

MrKlaw

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,742
My oldest child is 18 today. fucking hell that went fast. He’s amazing, and going off to university in a few weeks - we couldn’t be prouder of him.

for those of you with little ones - there are always difficulties but try and hold on to the good parts because you’ll blink and thye’ll be all growed up.
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,721
I used a modified version of what they call the "Extinction" method. It's similar to some of what GiJose said about the checking at intervals that gradually increase. As he mentioned, babies of ~6 months are capable of sleeping through the night without needing to eat, so that's considered the time you can give it a go. You check that they're freshly changed, fed before bed (we used to do it right before bed), comfortable, etc. You do whatever mini-routine you do for your bedtime (we did a sound app on, a little bit of rocking, and then into the cot), and then leave. When they fuss or cry, wait a few minutes first, then go in and gently pat or lay your hand on their back or chest for reassurance, but don't pick up or talk. Just pat a little, or wait for a few moments, then leave. If they fuss or cry, wait for a slightly longer interval. Rinse repeat. I did this, and the longest interval I got to was not quite 30 mins on the first day, less than 20 mins the next day, and on the third day I only had to go in once (at the 7min? mark). After that she was pretty much 7-7. Before this I'd been getting maybe one 2hr stretch of sleep at best and she'd wake 4-6x a night. It was hell. She's been fantastic ever since (she's almost 4 now), and there have been no behavioral issues or concerns. She's a lovely kid and the full night of sleep has had a good effect on her as well. We have to remember that it's not just us getting crummy sleep but them too. Anyway, if you want more details, I'm happy to share via PM if you like. There are things you can do to pave the way before you try it like we did.
Thanks so much for this, really helpful. My two little guys are still only 10 weeks so too early for this but I think we're going to go with something like this once they hit about 6 months.

They're sleeping ok at the moment, for example last night we all slept from 10pm-130am and then from 3am-6am, but I've been reading a lot about this 4 month sleep regression which sounds terrifying.
 

RedNalgene

Member
Oct 25, 2017
387
Figured I’d post this here to see if anyone has any similar situations or words of advice. My 21 month old is sick literally all the time. She goes from one illness to the other, to the point that we’re wondering if something is abnormal. For example, 4 weeks ago she got roseola. Then as soon as she recovered from that she had what we think was a stomach bug that caused her to vomit, have trouble keeping food down, and be pretty crabby for a few days. Then she had a runny nose a few days after she recovered from the stomach bug. Now today she was fine all morning and then out of nowhere got clingy to my wife and put her head down, then proceeded to puke everything out of her stomach and spike a fever. She now has a fever of about 100.5 but is able to eat. 4 things in the span of like 5 weeks. Now we’re thinking could it be something in our water? Or a weak immune system? Something lingering on her toys or in our apartment? The probiotic we’re giving her?

We’re taking her to the doctor on Monday, regardless of how she’s doing, just to make sure there isn’t anything glaringly wrong. Also to note she has a nanny but the nanny takes her out for play dates with her other nanny friends with kids ages 1-5 every day. So no daycare, but lots of other kid interaction. And probably lots of germ interaction.

Can I chalk this up to “kids her age just get sick a lot”? Anyone else deal with this kind of thing around this age?
 

GiJose

Member
Oct 25, 2017
134
The probiotic probably doesn't help anything, but certainly doesn't hurt

It's average for kiddos that young to have 1-2 illnesses per month, so that means sometimes more and sometimes less. Sometimes there's a string of bad luck. If you're worried about an immunodeficiency, kids with that often have other issues, maybe poor weight gain. It matters what the infections are and if they're typical or not for her age. Also I think you've talked about allergies in another child? If this one has eczema, children with that for whatever reason seem to get sicker more often. Best bet is to let the pediatrician know and document the infections she's had
 
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RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,705
My little guy turns one today! Can’t believe it. Both feels like forever and also like he was born just yesterday.

His birthday is gonna be a blast. Cousins are coming over but it’ll be a small get together. Got him a water table he’s already played with and liked. We also got him some balls for an at-home ball pit in our sun room. He’s gonna flip. He loved that at the library and children’s museum. My wife spent all day yesterday making a hungry caterpillar themed cake.

Because I love showing him off:

 

RedNalgene

Member
Oct 25, 2017
387
Probiotic wasn’t necessarily recommended by our ped but she said it couldn’t hurt so why not. She’s only been on it for like 10 days and we’re going to temporarily stop just in case it’s causing some stomach troubles.

Yeah, she does have allergies to a couple of foods (oats specifically) and doesn’t really have eczema but does have super sensitive skin. No problem with weight gain - she’s basically dead center on the growth chart for everything.

So yeah, maybe it’s just a string of bad luck. I just hate seeing her like this, and feel like I’m failing her as a parent.
 

GiJose

Member
Oct 25, 2017
134
You sound appropriately concerned

Being overly concerned can lead to unnecessary tests and referrals, most of which are not very fun for your child
 

texhnolyze

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,770
Indonesia
Today is my boy's 2 months anniversary. He's doing great and pretty much healthy so far, hopefully it'll stay that way. He kinda adopts a new habit though nowadays. He often need her mom's breast to get to sleep. He wasn't like this before.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,705
I’m at my wit’s end with my 11-month old daughter. She’s making our lives miserable with her colic, straight up. This is a nightmare.
What's going on? That's not likely to be colic anymore at that age. Most colic ends at around month 2 or 3 with about 90% ending by month 9. Not saying it can't be, obviously.

Definite sympathies, though. We've got a 12 month old and this shit's hard.

Ours definitely had colicky symptoms but that ended by month 3 or so.
 

GiJose

Member
Oct 25, 2017
134
I’m at my wit’s end with my 11-month old daughter. She’s making our lives miserable with her colic, straight up. This is a nightmare.
If the colic hasn't started to improve over the last week or two, maybe go see her doctor

Formula or breast fed?

It usually improves after week 8, though sometimes accumulated lack of sleep can continue to make things difficult

It's ok to put your baby down in a safe place and take a few minutes to gather yourselves, I remember doing this a lot
 

splash wave

Member
Oct 25, 2017
603
Bay Area, CA
If the colic hasn't started to improve over the last week or two, maybe go see her doctor

Formula or breast fed?

It usually improves after week 8, though sometimes accumulated lack of sleep can continue to make things difficult

It's ok to put your baby down in a safe place and take a few minutes to gather yourselves, I remember doing this a lot
We went to a doctor just a few days ago, and she seems to be in perfectly good health aside from slow-ish weight gain. She's an extremely difficult baby.

She's on a mix of formula and breast milk. My partner pumps and is generally able to nurse her at night, but she mostly refuses during the day. We had lactation consultant come by and her theory is that our doctor has posterior tongue tie, which actually lines up exactly with her behavior. We're going to see a specialist this week and hopefully get some clarity, because this would probably solve most of our problems if she does indeed have tongue tie. Here's hoping. :(
 

Rocketz

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,308
Ferndale, Michigan
Meltdowns have started with our little one. He's days away from 11 months so he's curious about everything. Obviously he's not allowed to do some stuff so we need to stop him or take something away and he does not like that at all.

Of course this weekend everything he wanted to see or play with was something he wasn't allowed to so we had a few of them.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,705
Meltdowns have started with our little one. He's days away from 11 months so he's curious about everything. Obviously he's not allowed to do some stuff so we need to stop him or take something away and he does not like that at all.

Of course this weekend everything he wanted to see or play with was something he wasn't allowed to so we had a few of them.
It helps to create a space where there really isn’t anything he can’t interact with. Easier said than done but we started with his room and worked our way to others.

And it also helps to learn to look ahead. See where he’s looking and what he’s into. Remove things before he gets to them. I’m good at this. My wife is horrendous.

Trading fun things can help too. So you’re not just taking something.
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,249
Sleeeepppp regresssssiooonnnnn 🤪😜🤪😜🤪😭😭😭

Yeah 13mos old daughter really having trouble going down lately. Shell cry for like 20mins then sit in her crib quietly but not sleeping then cry again for 20mins.

Trying to do cry it out / expirimatjon method or whatever. Doesn't help when your partner isn't on the same page. My wife is super impatient with everything and even when I say "give her 20mins.." by 9 mins shell pissed off say "fine I'll just go up there" stressed out and then complain.

Makes it harder for sure. But we're been bad on sleep training and need to Stick to something
 

Anno

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,684
Columbus, Ohio
Our good run of luck ended at 16 months and 1 week as my daughter finally got sick. She was kinda fussy all night but no more than some days, then we walk in this morning at 6 and there's throw up all over her crib and super gross poop had leaked through her sleeper. Somehow it all cleaned up okay and aside from barely eating all day she seemed decently normal. I just wish we'd been able to get some more water/pedialite into her through the day.
 

GiJose

Member
Oct 25, 2017
134
We had an issue recently where our son (17 months) wakes up between 4 and 5 am recently, and we're not sure if he's out of that phase or if we now just sleep through it 😴
 
OP
OP
Hollywood Duo

Hollywood Duo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
16,430
It’s been awhile but I thought I’d check in and say Pete had his first day of real preschool today. Time really flies! It’s amazing how far so many of us have come since our early struggles as new parents.
 

emag

Member
Oct 26, 2017
5,711
It’s been awhile but I thought I’d check in and say Pete had his first day of real preschool today. Time really flies! It’s amazing how far so many of us have come since our early struggles as new parents.
Yeah, mine just started real pre-school too. I miss having a little baby in many ways (albeit not the screaming fits), but now I have someone who wants to play soccer/tennis , various board games, and Virtua Fighter/Smash Bros. literally all of the time, which is pretty cool.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,705
School year started which means my wife has to get to work again, since she’s a professor. Never imagined our little one’s sleep would still be this shitty but hey here we are. She’ll have to get out of the house some days at times when she had been catching up on sleep he won’t let her get. Gonna be crappy.

He still wakes up 7-10 times per night. Once in a while he’ll sleep a 2 hour chunk but usually more like an hour to an hour and a half maybe.
 

BriareosGAF

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,035
Some day you'll have the opposite problem. My 15 year old catches the bus in 30 minutes for the first day of school and I'm not sure she's even out of bed yet, much less eaten a meal, has her materials ready, etc., but we're sort of past harassing her about it at this point.

Hollywood Duo I remember when you had your kid some years ago, indeed it goes by fast.
 
Sleeeepppp regresssssiooonnnnn 🤪😜🤪😜🤪😭😭😭

Yeah 13mos old daughter really having trouble going down lately. Shell cry for like 20mins then sit in her crib quietly but not sleeping then cry again for 20mins.

Trying to do cry it out / expirimatjon method or whatever. Doesn't help when your partner isn't on the same page. My wife is super impatient with everything and even when I say "give her 20mins.." by 9 mins shell pissed off say "fine I'll just go up there" stressed out and then complain.

Makes it harder for sure. But we're been bad on sleep training and need to Stick to something
Yeah, I can imagine how super tough it is if you're not on the same page. One step forward, two steps back when the system changes. Even though my husband and I both agreed, I knew it would be stressful and we had to firmly see it through, so I waited for one of his longer business trips to do it on my own. Lucky man left a 4-6x wake up per night terror and came home to a 7-7 sleeper. Is there a chance your wife might take a trip so you can buckle down?
 

splash wave

Member
Oct 25, 2017
603
Bay Area, CA
We got some terrifying news today with regard to our baby: she has low muscle tone, which could be a sign of a neurological disorder. We won’t really know for sure until we see a neurologist on Thursday, but in the meantime my partner and I have just been crying and extremely depressed. We’re so scared for our daughter.

Edit: she has a weak neck and doesn’t move her legs as much as she should at 11 weeks.
 

GiJose

Member
Oct 25, 2017
134
We got some terrifying news today with regard to our baby: she has low muscle tone, which could be a sign of a neurological disorder. We won’t really know for sure until we see a neurologist on Thursday, but in the meantime my partner and I have just been crying and extremely depressed. We’re so scared for our daughter.

Edit: she has a weak neck and doesn’t move her legs as much as she should at 11 weeks.
That's a terrifying thing to hear as parents, sorry you're going through this

Try your best to wait and see what the neurologist says, could be a wide range of things from nothing to what you're worried about
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,249
We got some terrifying news today with regard to our baby: she has low muscle tone, which could be a sign of a neurological disorder. We won’t really know for sure until we see a neurologist on Thursday, but in the meantime my partner and I have just been crying and extremely depressed. We’re so scared for our daughter.

Edit: she has a weak neck and doesn’t move her legs as much as she should at 11 weeks.
Hope everything works out, let us know how the neurologist visit goes.

meh editing the rest of this.
 
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The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,249
Yeah, I can imagine how super tough it is if you're not on the same page. One step forward, two steps back when the system changes. Even though my husband and I both agreed, I knew it would be stressful and we had to firmly see it through, so I waited for one of his longer business trips to do it on my own. Lucky man left a 4-6x wake up per night terror and came home to a 7-7 sleeper. Is there a chance your wife might take a trip so you can buckle down?
I have a suggestion ... you come to our house for the next 5 nights and we'll go on vacation for the week...? Come home to a sleeping baby??
 

splash wave

Member
Oct 25, 2017
603
Bay Area, CA
Hope everything works out, let us know how the neurologist visit goes.

In the meantime, if you can relax and think positively it can help a lot. All babies develop differently, and it's easy to scare yourself when your doctor says something isn't developing nromally, and you can really quickly assume it's the worst. At 11 weeks there's just so much to worry about and everything is new, and there's no users manual that applies to every newborn or being a parent... What you and your partner are feeling are common feelings of all new parents and even if there is a neurological difference with your child it'll be ok. Our 13mos old has low muscle tone too, and she's "hypermobile" (sometimes nicknamed 'double jointed') so she does these unusual things with her arms and legs all the time, sometimes her head, and we've worried at various times that it could be signs of something serious. Usually those all get put to rest over time.

She was slow to crawl, slow to stand on her own, and then once she started crawling (and she crawls everywhere now) she completely stopped standing up 100%, like, refuses to, has no interest in standing at all. It's a little weird and worrying but our pediatrician is pretty level headed about it and is like... she's behind, but let's just wait it out, and she might need early intervention physical therapy for babies if it's this way at ~16mos. Meanwhile, we'll google her behavior and just get a littany of horrible pages telling us every nightmare scenario. It's easy to try to get answers for yourself and then you end up finding things that confirm the worst, but if you're able to wait and see what the experts think when they examine your daughter, that'll be the best thing for all of you.
I really, really appreciate this response. Our PT was feeling “optimistic” but it’s hard to tell what this means, and she did give us a spectrum of issues that *could* be the culprit without saying they’re likely. I made the mistake of googling “low tone” when I got home and the two of us basically had a panic attack. Yesterday truly felt like I was living in a nightmare.

Thankfully, our daughter *does* move, just not a lot, and the pediatrician only noticed after he checked her movement twice between two check-ins only 5 days apart. The first time we asked he said she was totally fine.

Anyway, I’ll try not to drive myself crazy while we wait.

When did you notice your 13mo have low muscle tone?
 

splash wave

Member
Oct 25, 2017
603
Bay Area, CA
we saw the neurologist and got the worst possible news: our daughter has spinal muscular atrophy and will pass away very soon. I’m so sorry for complaining about her in this thread. Please, everyone, go kiss your children.
 

theaface

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,173
we saw the neurologist and got the worst possible news: our daughter has spinal muscular atrophy and will pass away very soon. I’m so sorry for complaining about her in this thread. Please, everyone, go kiss your children.
I’m so very sorry. Please don’t feel guilty for your previous thoughts/words - you couldn’t possibly have known and your feelings then were valid and normal. I wish you both all the courage and comfort in the world for this unimaginably difficult time.
 
we saw the neurologist and got the worst possible news: our daughter has spinal muscular atrophy and will pass away very soon. I’m so sorry for complaining about her in this thread. Please, everyone, go kiss your children.
I don't even know what to say... I'm so, so terribly sorry. Please don't berate yourself or feel guilty over venting. Like theaface said, it's normal and those feelings are normal. Sending you all thoughts and what comfort I can from across the sea.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,705
we saw the neurologist and got the worst possible news: our daughter has spinal muscular atrophy and will pass away very soon. I’m so sorry for complaining about her in this thread. Please, everyone, go kiss your children.
I’m so sorry. I can’t even remotely imagine. My thoughts are with you guys, for however much good that can do. Cherish what you have left and I’ll definitely be holding my little one a bit tighter.

And don’t you dare feel bad for complaining. It’s natural and I’m sure you guys were and are going through a lot. More than any of us can fathom.

Hang in there.
 

emag

Member
Oct 26, 2017
5,711
we saw the neurologist and got the worst possible news: our daughter has spinal muscular atrophy and will pass away very soon. I’m so sorry for complaining about her in this thread. Please, everyone, go kiss your children.
I can't begin imagine what you and your family are going through. I'm so sorry.
 

RedNalgene

Member
Oct 25, 2017
387
we saw the neurologist and got the worst possible news: our daughter has spinal muscular atrophy and will pass away very soon. I’m so sorry for complaining about her in this thread. Please, everyone, go kiss your children.
I'm so, so, so sorry to hear this. I'm in tears. My thoughts are with you and your family.
 

Chopchop

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,412
we saw the neurologist and got the worst possible news: our daughter has spinal muscular atrophy and will pass away very soon. I’m so sorry for complaining about her in this thread. Please, everyone, go kiss your children.
I'm so sorry.

And it's completely okay to complain in this thread. Don't worry about that part.
 

splash wave

Member
Oct 25, 2017
603
Bay Area, CA
All of the kind words really mean a lot to me, truly, as has been the advice given to me from before we knew about her condition. This is a surreal fucking experience, to say the least. I’m so incredibly thankful for my partner. We have an incredibly strong relationship and it’s making this tragedy so much easier to bear.

The insane thing is that we’re both carriers of this really rare condition, so we’ll need gene therapy if we decide to try again.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,705
Any tips on preventing my son from grabbing his poop covered penis and smearing it all over everything while changing his diaper? lol

Man the first year was pretty easy for diapers. For a long time he pooped once, maybe twice, a week. Not so bad. The last month or so he's been pooping non-stop, sometimes like 3 times in a day. And, yeah, he likes to grab at his poopy penis. A bit hard to prevent when one hand is already making sure his legs don't kick like a goddamned mule right into the diaper and the other is removing said diaper. I need one more hand for this shit.
 

GiJose

Member
Oct 25, 2017
134
Any tips on preventing my son from grabbing his poop covered penis and smearing it all over everything while changing his diaper? lol

Man the first year was pretty easy for diapers. For a long time he pooped once, maybe twice, a week. Not so bad. The last month or so he's been pooping non-stop, sometimes like 3 times in a day. And, yeah, he likes to grab at his poopy penis. A bit hard to prevent when one hand is already making sure his legs don't kick like a goddamned mule right into the diaper and the other is removing said diaper. I need one more hand for this shit.
my son's 17 months old
around the 13? month mark I gave up and just started giving him a phone with baby shark on it, and it keeps his hands away from his privates

I feel OK about it, it's really the only time he gets screen time