• The GiftBot 2.0 Launch Giveaway Extravaganza has come to a close with an astounding 8073 games given away to the community by 696 members, a huge success thanks to you! The gifting now continues with more official prizes in the new Gaming Giveaways |OT|. Leftover Steam codes are also being given away to the PC Gaming Era community.

ParentERA |OT| What To Expect When You’re Not Sleeping

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,637
zero poopie phones thus far!
Unfortunately ours really dislikes diaper time and flails around like a goddamned fish mixed with a bucking bronco.

He's mostly ok for me, with the exception of grabbing his penis and maybe bucking his feet a few times, though I hold those. For my wife he's a goddamned monster half the time and tries to roll over. For pee diapers she basically lets him roll over and wander around the changing area while she hopelessly tries to get a diaper on him. I don't ever let him do that, but if she tries to prevent it he basically has a meltdown.

But yeah I've given him things he's interested in and they get stuffed right down by his poopy penis. He had a small car the other day that basically went right to his crotch. Maybe a phone would be so interesting he wouldn't, but I dunno if I trust it.
 

CrudeDiatribe

Member
Oct 25, 2017
938
Eastern Canada
Unfortunately ours really dislikes diaper time and flails around like a goddamned fish mixed with a bucking bronco.
I think I wrote here when mine was 9-12 months old about how every diaper change was like her Cirque de Soleil audition. She settled down eventually, but yeah, a few hands and many feet in poop before. I felt like lighting my hair on fire after she kicked shit into it one time.

Sorry I have no advice.
 

GiJose

Member
Oct 25, 2017
134
ya it got better in general as mine got older

though i'm sure you're sick of hearing that mantra with your sleeping woes >.< (sorry)
 

Chopchop

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,400
Any tips on preventing my son from grabbing his poop covered penis and smearing it all over everything while changing his diaper? lol

Man the first year was pretty easy for diapers. For a long time he pooped once, maybe twice, a week. Not so bad. The last month or so he's been pooping non-stop, sometimes like 3 times in a day. And, yeah, he likes to grab at his poopy penis. A bit hard to prevent when one hand is already making sure his legs don't kick like a goddamned mule right into the diaper and the other is removing said diaper. I need one more hand for this shit.
I find my kid sometimes calms down with music, so I try to sing to him during a diaper change. We have a routine "diaper change song" for him. It sometimes helps.

Distracting him with a toy helps. Sometimes we have the parent who's not doing the changing sit at the kid's head to wave a toy around, talk to him, sing, etc to keep him distracted while the other parent does the change.

Sometimes I negotiate with the kid by telling him that he can bring a toy over for the change. Then he brings a car over or something and fidget with it while I change him. Again, mixed results.

Finally, there's the nuclear option of The Position (tm), which you can do if you change the kid on the floor. Sit on your butt, with your legs out and bent slightly in front of you. Use your feet to gently pin the kid's arms in place (around the shoulders/bicep area), and that frees your arms to do the change while not needing to fend off the kid's arms. The kid most likely doesn't like this level of restraint, but sometimes it needs to be done.

As for kicking into the poopy diaper, I try to get the diaper out reach as fast as I can, and then wipe the poop off the butt only when the diaper is a safe distance away.
 
Last edited:

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,637
I find my kid sometimes calms down with music, so I try to sing to him during a diaper change. We have a routine "diaper change song" for him. It sometimes helps.

Distracting him with a toy helps. Sometimes we have the parent who's not doing the changing sit at the kid's head to wave a toy around, talk to him, sing, etc to keep him distracted while the other parent does the change.

Sometimes I negotiate with the kid by telling him that he can bring a toy over for the change. Then he brings a car over or something and fidget with it while I change him. Again, mixed results.

Finally, there's the nuclear option of The Position (tm), which you can do if you change the kid on the floor. Sit on your butt, with your legs bent forward in front of you. Use your feet to pin the kid's arms in place (around the shoulders/bicep area), and that frees your arms to do the change while not needing to fend off the kid's arms. The kid most likely doesn't like this level of restraint, but sometimes it needs to be done.
Yeah, mostly things we do. Can't negotiate with a one year old though. Haven't restrained him that much.

I do sing to him and stuff, and as I've said before most of the time he takes my diaper changes pretty well. Compared to my wife it's amazingly peaceful for pee diapers. A lot of the times I don't need to hold his legs or anything, really. He's content. Poop diapers are different. Even if he's content, he still wants to grab his penis as quickly as I take the diaper off. More of the time he's just not content for poop diapers.

For my wife he's a weasel on drugs. Personally my theory is that because I don't let him roll over and play with shit/wander off I communicate more effectively to him that it's diaper time not fun time, so just sit through it and we'll be ok. She lets him get up and play with shit and half the time it ends up with her chasing him around with a diaper or something equally silly. She claims she absolutely cannot help it and he's just worse, but I think she kind of let it snowball.

Luckily we do dual team diapers a lot. We work from home a good amount of time, both of us, so we can do it then. But I do have some days where she's gone and times when she's catching up on sleep and I'm up with him.
 

Anno

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,662
Columbus, Ohio
I hope it’s normal when your kid hits a certain age to find entertainment in asking them to do increasingly complex tasks and just having fun seeing what they do. We were very impressed when we asked out 16 month old to go get a certain book and she went upstairs, got it from the desk by her crib and brought it back down.
 

GiJose

Member
Oct 25, 2017
134
I hope it’s normal when your kid hits a certain age to find entertainment in asking them to do increasingly complex tasks and just having fun seeing what they do. We were very impressed when we asked out 16 month old to go get a certain book and she went upstairs, got it from the desk by her crib and brought it back down.
Lol you inspired me to ask my 17 month old. I asked him for the book that was on the floor next to him. He didn't even look up from what he was doing and just said 'No'

The next time I asked he at least looked at the book before saying no
 

Anno

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,662
Columbus, Ohio
Lol you inspired me to ask my 17 month old. I asked him for the book that was on the floor next to him. He didn't even look up from what he was doing and just said 'No'

The next time I asked he at least looked at the book before saying no
Lmao thankfully ours hasn’t learned “no” yet. Usually she’ll just look at you blankly for a few seconds before turning away.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,637
God my wife and I just differ so much in how we handle our 13 month old and how he handles us, really.

He's learning to drink and to ask for a drink. He hasn't got the hang of any cup except open top. So I keep it on the counter for him so he can ask for it and I give him a drink and help, then he gives it back and I dump it. He motions for more sometimes or wants the cup. It's kinda awkward, but he's just learning. And it's important to me he learns to drink because I have him when he's away from mom a lot and can't breastfeed.

With her he keeps it and dumps it on the floor then motions for more. She literally cannot fathom how to stop him from doing this.

I know she wants to let him explore and have fun with a lot of things but I feel like it communicates really weird things to him. It's like his diaper changing where she lets him flip over, stand up, and fuck with anything while she basically harasses him with a diaper. With me we get down to business and that's it. And he doesn't fret in either case! I feel like my method communicates to him that "this is diaper time" or "this is for drinking." Whereas her method is kind of "We're doing whatever you want."

At the dinner table now sometimes he'll motion for her plate and fork because he wants to bang on her plate. He'll sometimes ignore food to do this. He does this because she let him once or twice. He steals her phone a lot and frets sometimes when she won't give it to him. Wiith mine? I have never ever given it to him so he doesn't even acknowledge it's a thing he can do anything with.

But, again, she cannot fathom how to stop him from doing these things because he's got her basically in a loop. He expects it because she allows it.

Never thought I'd be a stricter by-the-books parent, lol.
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,182
We were lucky that my daughter was always pretty good during diaper time. She's ~14mos now and she squirms a bit but doesn't fight it, she just wants to sit up.

Having something for her to hold is the #1 technique, and so it's usually a goddam tube of Desitin (the nearest thing to grab). So.. that's her diaper time toy..... a tube a butt paste. I also sing a jingle of "Butt paste ::clap clap:: Butt baste :: clap clap::" which is a real hit.

When it's time to really get down to business I look at her and say "no fits" and get down to business. I don't know why I say "no fits," but ... I think I said it once and it made me laugh as such an old fashioned thing to say. And now I say it every time.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,637
Having something for her to hold is the #1 technique, and so it's usually a goddam tube of Desitin. So.. that's her diaper time toy..... a tube a butt paste. I also sing a jingle of "Butt paste ::clap clap:: Butt baste :: clap clap::" which is a real hit.
Oh my god our son loves the butt paste tube too. He'll carry it around the damned house. That and his toothpaste tube.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,637
Also I'm really happy I'm starting to get the hang of cooking while not confining him to his exersaucer. He's mostly fine in there, but I feel a bit bad about it so the last few times I've had him out and about. He used to just endlessly whine and reach up at us when we did something like that, especially my wife. Now he's pretty fine playing with whatever and wandering about. I give him something interesting every few minutes like a canister of peanuts or some cans or the fucking dog leash, but it works out. Yesterday I made a massive pot of chili with him.

I'm also able to take him on big grocery trips now and he doesn't give a shit about the car seat or being in public. It feels so freeing compared to last semester when my wife was teaching. Colicky baby plus poor weather had us/me feeling kinda trapped.

Hahaha yeah I don't get it. She loves that damn tube though so I'm like whatever makes you happy kid.
Ours just like clicks his teeth on it a lot of the time. He's not really chewing or biting per se. Just clicking weirdly on the top part.
 

lt519

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,566
Having something for her to hold is the #1 technique, and so it's usually a goddam tube of Desitin (the nearest thing to grab). So.. that's her diaper time toy..... a tube a butt paste. I also sing a jingle of "Butt paste ::clap clap:: Butt baste :: clap clap::" which is a real hit.
lol, same with both our kids

We're getting to the fighter stage with changing and putting on clothes for night time. They get SO mad. Usually give them a water wipe to suck on or even the bag of wipes since it crinkles. Sometimes a spare diaper. Whatever distracts them for 5 seconds so we can do our thing. Mostly I think you just have to become a pro at speed changing, there is no rationalizing with them. Singing does help, for a few days Old McDonald was a big hit with the boy and he didn't make a peep or squirm and now that doesn't work.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,637
We're getting to the fighter stage with changing and putting on clothes for night time. They get SO mad. Usually give them a water wipe to suck on or even the bag of wipes since it crinkles. Sometimes a spare diaper. Whatever distracts them for 5 seconds so we can do our thing. Mostly I think you just have to become a pro at speed changing, there is no rationalizing with them. Singing does help, for a few days Old McDonald was a big hit with the boy and he didn't make a peep or squirm and now that doesn't work.
Yeah ours hates night time changing now. He's always been perceptive of when bed time is happening and gets real sad. He doesn't fight the final diaper change and pajamas a ton, but for me at night time he cries his ass off now. It's so sad.
 

lt519

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,566
Yeah ours hates night time changing now. He's always been perceptive of when bed time is happening and gets real sad. He doesn't fight the final diaper change and pajamas a ton, but for me at night time he cries his ass off now. It's so sad.
Doesn't help that they are already cranky from cutting down to 2 naps a day instead of 3. Their last awake period pushes 4 hours and they are giggle/cracking at that point. But they def know they are going to bed because it is the same routine every night...solid food in the high chair, pick out some bath toys on the play mat, bath, clothing, food, bed.

I've never heard such screams of agony and torture for someone having clothes put on them. It's like I'm pulling their fingernails out with pliers or something, lol. I must be a bad parent because I just have to stop and laugh sometimes (also to keep me sane), like I feel bad for them, but I also know they are fine so it's hard to take their extreme agony seriously.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,637
Doesn't help that they are already cranky from cutting down to 2 naps a day instead of 3. Their last awake period pushes 4 hours and they are giggle/cracking at that point. But they def know they are going to bed because it is the same routine every night...solid food in the high chair, pick out some bath toys on the play mat, bath, clothing, food, bed.

I've never heard such screams of agony and torture for someone having clothes put on them. It's like I'm pulling their fingernails out with pliers or something, lol. I must be a bad parent because I just have to stop and laugh sometimes (also to keep me sane), like I feel bad for them, but I also know they are fine so it's hard to take their extreme agony seriously.
When he was really little and whining a bit at clothes and stuff my wife and I used to jokingly kind of yell "THIS IS NOT IDEAL!"
 

Anno

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,662
Columbus, Ohio
About a month ago we got a combination night light/music thing that’s really helped our 17 month old be in a better mood right before bed and when waking up. You can program in a schedule for various lights coming on and music or sounds playing.

So half an hour before bed it turns on a low light and plays calming music, then at her bed time it turns off the light and turns on her wave noises. Then at 530 it turns on the light low and at six turns it to purple (her favorite color) and plays cheerful bird noises. About a month later and I think she’s learned that the things coming on at certain times means it’s time to start preparing to get ready for bed and in the morning if she wakes up before we’re going to come get her she has a little light to tell her when we’ll be in.
 

lt519

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,566
About a month ago we got a combination night light/music thing that’s really helped our 17 month old be in a better mood right before bed and when waking up. You can program in a schedule for various lights coming on and music or sounds playing.

So half an hour before bed it turns on a low light and plays calming music, then at her bed time it turns off the light and turns on her wave noises. Then at 530 it turns on the light low and at six turns it to purple (her favorite color) and plays cheerful bird noises. About a month later and I think she’s learned that the things coming on at certain times means it’s time to start preparing to get ready for bed and in the morning if she wakes up before we’re going to come get her she has a little light to tell her when we’ll be in.
We have a Hatch, we should really use it better like it's meant to be because you can do all of that. We keep it on one light setting and sound all day since they take naps in the same room and we were keeping that consistent during sleep training. We have it on the washer/dryer noise setting since they are city babies and it helps drown out the random harsh outside noises. Maybe when they are older (8 mos right now) we'll start doing the scheduled light and more calming music before bed.
 

Anno

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,662
Columbus, Ohio
We have a Hatch, we should really use it better like it's meant to be because you can do all of that. We keep it on one light setting and sound all day since they take naps in the same room and we were keeping that consistent during sleep training. We have it on the washer/dryer noise setting since they are city babies and it helps drown out the random harsh outside noises. Maybe when they are older (8 mos right now) we'll start doing the scheduled light and more calming music before bed.
That’s what we have. Or at least a version of it, not sure if there are multiples.
 

Chopchop

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,400
We were lucky that my daughter was always pretty good during diaper time. She's ~14mos now and she squirms a bit but doesn't fight it, she just wants to sit up.

Having something for her to hold is the #1 technique, and so it's usually a goddam tube of Desitin (the nearest thing to grab). So.. that's her diaper time toy..... a tube a butt paste. I also sing a jingle of "Butt paste ::clap clap:: Butt baste :: clap clap::" which is a real hit.

When it's time to really get down to business I look at her and say "no fits" and get down to business. I don't know why I say "no fits," but ... I think I said it once and it made me laugh as such an old fashioned thing to say. And now I say it every time.
Kids are weird. Mine loved tubes of cream and stuff too. Used to carry them around like yours.

And he just isn't into most plushes we try to give him. Doesn't matter how cute or cuddly they are. Instead, he took to a random cheap plush fruit from Ikea one day, and now he sleeps with it.
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,699
I'm having a massively hard time falling back asleep these days after being up during the night. Was up at about 230am to change my son's nappy, its now 420am and I'm still wide awake. This is the first time I've picked up my phone so I haven't been glued to it. Anyone else experiencing this? Any coping tips?
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,182
I'm having a massively hard time falling back asleep these days after being up during the night. Was up at about 230am to change my son's nappy, its now 420am and I'm still wide awake. This is the first time I've picked up my phone so I haven't been glued to it. Anyone else experiencing this? Any coping tips?
I usually turn to my Kindle and read a book, at least I convince myself that it's more productive than endless surfing on the internet and that the screen isn't poisoning my brain (which I'm not 100% sure of, but who knows)
 

Yatahaze

Member
Jun 17, 2018
62
Unfortunately ours really dislikes diaper time and flails around like a goddamned fish mixed with a bucking bronco.

He's mostly ok for me, with the exception of grabbing his penis and maybe bucking his feet a few times, though I hold those. For my wife he's a goddamned monster half the time and tries to roll over. For pee diapers she basically lets him roll over and wander around the changing area while she hopelessly tries to get a diaper on him. I don't ever let him do that, but if she tries to prevent it he basically has a meltdown.

But yeah I've given him things he's interested in and they get stuffed right down by his poopy penis. He had a small car the other day that basically went right to his crotch. Maybe a phone would be so interesting he wouldn't, but I dunno if I trust it.

Man one of my twins wants to roll around at the worst of times, almost always for the diaper changes. I started giving him a nearly empty pack of wipes to play with while I change him and it usually keeps him occupied long enough for me to get the job done. Poops are always a bit trickier, it's a crap shoot, I just try to be as quick as possible. I get as much of the poop as I can with the diaper and then roll it up and hold his ankles as firmly as I can while he's distracted with the empty wipes. I always try to have my wipes out ready to go ahead of time too so I don't have to fumble around. But even then it's a crapshoot at best.
 

lt519

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,566
Little boy isn't eating formula anymore, not sure what is up. Just up and refused it starting last night and went to the doctor today and nothing is wrong. Hopefully just a virus but he tolerates solids like oatmeal and all that so also may be related to the sucking motion (teething/ear infection?) on a sippy cup or bottle. Basically doctor said who knows and just monitor his hydration and keep an eye out for rashes.

Little girl just popped her first tooth so we just got out of that frying pan and now into the fire of whatever is going on with the boy.
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,699
Finding some strain on my relationship with my wife recently. We've 14 week old twin boys. Last night one of them was just losing his shit, nothing we could do would settle him. This went on for a long enough period and was starting to stress me out. I put him down to take off the baby harness I had on and my wife immediately jumps on me telling me to pick him back up etc. I just couldn't take him screaming the house down and then her getting on my back so basically did the only thing that came to mind that would get her to stop talking and just shouted at her to cut her off. I feel terrible now, it's not how we communicate, I apologised a few mins later and explained what happened but I don't like it at all. But fuck me it puts some stress on your life. I'm sure my mind will change but how on earth do people get to a point where they decide to have more kids??
 

BriareosGAF

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,023
I'm sure my mind will change but how on earth do people get to a point where they decide to have more kids??
I have an acquaintance who has twins... and triplets. I have no idea how he has managed. He has a lot less hair then he used to.Recognizing your behaviors indicates you're already on a good path. Patience, forgiveness. As to how you have more, in my experience you just forget the miserable bits, as simple and ridiculous as that sounds. The fun bits overshadow them.

That said the other week we were watching our friends senior dog who requires almost constant care. My wife ended up sleeping in the living room with her to keep her company over the course of a few nights. "There is no way we are ever having more children."
 

lt519

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,566
Finding some strain on my relationship with my wife recently. We've 14 week old twin boys. Last night one of them was just losing his shit, nothing we could do would settle him. This went on for a long enough period and was starting to stress me out. I put him down to take off the baby harness I had on and my wife immediately jumps on me telling me to pick him back up etc. I just couldn't take him screaming the house down and then her getting on my back so basically did the only thing that came to mind that would get her to stop talking and just shouted at her to cut her off. I feel terrible now, it's not how we communicate, I apologised a few mins later and explained what happened but I don't like it at all. But fuck me it puts some stress on your life. I'm sure my mind will change but how on earth do people get to a point where they decide to have more kids??
My wife have jumped down each others throats with our twins as well. We had a stage where the boy was just crying all day and all night, it wears you down really fast between the lack of sleep and the stress created by an unhappy baby. We've been together for 6 years and have never snapped at each other until the twins.

We both have slightly different methods of parenting and neither is right/wrong, just different. It takes some self restraint on my part and on her part to not be upset when the other is doing something differently. I'm more likely to a baby cry it out then her and she's more likely to let them climb things and fall and bonk their heads than me. It's caused some tension for sure because we see one do the other and have a lot of "What the fuck are you doing?" moments. Talk to her about this, there are things you should be consistent about with the babies, but some other things don't need to be exactly the same. How you put a diaper on doesn't need to be the same with how she puts a diaper on and neither should get upset about the differences.

Other than that discussion the best thing to do is have a serious discussion about emotions and how to best handle those situations. Because it WILL happen again and again. There's just no humanly possible way to not snap at someone when you've been trying to soothe a baby that has been crying for 3 hours and your SO is like "Did you try X?" "Yes I've tried literally everything under the sun, fuck off" lol.

What we established is that the outbursts are going to happen and that they are purely heat of the moment problems and that we both need to let them roll off the shoulders. Sometimes that means we watch TV in a different room for the night so as to not let a problem downward spiral and the next morning everything is always back to normal and then we talk about it. Sometimes you don't have to hash everything out when emotions are high, let things simmer down first, then discuss what happened, why it happened, and work together.

You're in for a ride bud, it isn't going to be easy, but you'll come out the other side stronger and thicker skinned with your wife. At around 6 months we started getting back into a rhythm and the outbursts mostly stopped because we started getting more sleep and started eating healthier (THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT TOO).

The next step which we were literally talking about last night is how both of us can get more exercise. We're going to get a spin bike in the house so we can have easy access to some exercise to blow off some steam and get the serotonin flowing.

Getting back into a normal cadence of what you were doing pre-babies is important. My wife use to go to the gym everyday. She hasn't been in 17 months now, and we recollected that when she missed a gym day pre-baby she was always an anxious mess so we're trying to get her back in that rhythm. For me I need decompression time after work or I remain anxious. I can't walk in the door and be swarmed by two babies and my wife asking questions or I have a mental breakdown, so we're working on getting me some personal time when I first get home.

You and your wife's mental health is just as important to the babies upbringing. You can't be anxious/angry messes and raise happy babies. So make sure you work on yourselves too.
 

RedNalgene

Member
Oct 25, 2017
386
My wife have jumped down each others throats with our twins as well. We had a stage where the boy was just crying all day and all night, it wears you down really fast between the lack of sleep and the stress created by an unhappy baby. We've been together for 6 years and have never snapped at each other until the twins.

We both have slightly different methods of parenting and neither is right/wrong, just different. It takes some self restraint on my part and on her part to not be upset when the other is doing something differently. I'm more likely to a baby cry it out then her and she's more likely to let them climb things and fall and bonk their heads than me. It's caused some tension for sure because we see one do the other and have a lot of "What the fuck are you doing?" moments. Talk to her about this, there are things you should be consistent about with the babies, but some other things don't need to be exactly the same. How you put a diaper on doesn't need to be the same with how she puts a diaper on and neither should get upset about the differences.

Other than that discussion the best thing to do is have a serious discussion about emotions and how to best handle those situations. Because it WILL happen again and again. There's just no humanly possible way to not snap at someone when you've been trying to soothe a baby that has been crying for 3 hours and your SO is like "Did you try X?" "Yes I've tried literally everything under the sun, fuck off" lol.

What we established is that the outbursts are going to happen and that they are purely heat of the moment problems and that we both need to let them roll off the shoulders. Sometimes that means we watch TV in a different room for the night so as to not let a problem downward spiral and the next morning everything is always back to normal and then we talk about it. Sometimes you don't have to hash everything out when emotions are high, let things simmer down first, then discuss what happened, why it happened, and work together.

You're in for a ride bud, it isn't going to be easy, but you'll come out the other side stronger and thicker skinned with your wife. At around 6 months we started getting back into a rhythm and the outbursts mostly stopped because we started getting more sleep and started eating healthier (THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT TOO).

The next step which we were literally talking about last night is how both of us can get more exercise. We're going to get a spin bike in the house so we can have easy access to some exercise to blow off some steam and get the serotonin flowing.

Getting back into a normal cadence of what you were doing pre-babies is important. My wife use to go to the gym everyday. She hasn't been in 17 months now, and we recollected that when she missed a gym day pre-baby she was always an anxious mess so we're trying to get her back in that rhythm. For me I need decompression time after work or I remain anxious. I can't walk in the door and be swarmed by two babies and my wife asking questions or I have a mental breakdown, so we're working on getting me some personal time when I first get home.

You and your wife's mental health is just as important to the babies upbringing. You can't be anxious/angry messes and raise happy babies. So make sure you work on yourselves too.
This is a really, really good post. And I'll just add that my wife and I have also snapped at each other in the early months of being parents. We'd never done that pre-baby. I think that's pretty common, and normal. But each time we've cooled off, discussed what happened, and then how we can do better next time. it does get easier, because the kid gets easier. Less crying for no apparent reason (more tantrums, but the kid can be reasoned with). So in a way it's easier. And when you start getting normal sleep things begin falling into place.

Just make sure you're communicating through all this, even if you have to wait a little while to cool off. My wife and I have gotten so much better with communicating with each other (and our communication wasn't bad before). It's just so important to be a team in this.
 

Chopchop

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,400
My wife have jumped down each others throats with our twins as well. We had a stage where the boy was just crying all day and all night, it wears you down really fast between the lack of sleep and the stress created by an unhappy baby. We've been together for 6 years and have never snapped at each other until the twins.

We both have slightly different methods of parenting and neither is right/wrong, just different. It takes some self restraint on my part and on her part to not be upset when the other is doing something differently. I'm more likely to a baby cry it out then her and she's more likely to let them climb things and fall and bonk their heads than me. It's caused some tension for sure because we see one do the other and have a lot of "What the fuck are you doing?" moments. Talk to her about this, there are things you should be consistent about with the babies, but some other things don't need to be exactly the same. How you put a diaper on doesn't need to be the same with how she puts a diaper on and neither should get upset about the differences.

Other than that discussion the best thing to do is have a serious discussion about emotions and how to best handle those situations. Because it WILL happen again and again. There's just no humanly possible way to not snap at someone when you've been trying to soothe a baby that has been crying for 3 hours and your SO is like "Did you try X?" "Yes I've tried literally everything under the sun, fuck off" lol.

What we established is that the outbursts are going to happen and that they are purely heat of the moment problems and that we both need to let them roll off the shoulders. Sometimes that means we watch TV in a different room for the night so as to not let a problem downward spiral and the next morning everything is always back to normal and then we talk about it. Sometimes you don't have to hash everything out when emotions are high, let things simmer down first, then discuss what happened, why it happened, and work together.

You're in for a ride bud, it isn't going to be easy, but you'll come out the other side stronger and thicker skinned with your wife. At around 6 months we started getting back into a rhythm and the outbursts mostly stopped because we started getting more sleep and started eating healthier (THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT TOO).

The next step which we were literally talking about last night is how both of us can get more exercise. We're going to get a spin bike in the house so we can have easy access to some exercise to blow off some steam and get the serotonin flowing.

Getting back into a normal cadence of what you were doing pre-babies is important. My wife use to go to the gym everyday. She hasn't been in 17 months now, and we recollected that when she missed a gym day pre-baby she was always an anxious mess so we're trying to get her back in that rhythm. For me I need decompression time after work or I remain anxious. I can't walk in the door and be swarmed by two babies and my wife asking questions or I have a mental breakdown, so we're working on getting me some personal time when I first get home.

You and your wife's mental health is just as important to the babies upbringing. You can't be anxious/angry messes and raise happy babies. So make sure you work on yourselves too.
Oh man, I remember how jarring it is to come home and have to do parent stuff immediately. There were days when I had to come home and immediately go straight to the kitchen to cook. Didn't even sit down anywhere after coming in through the door. It fucking sucks, but sometimes shit just needs to be done, so I got used to it, even though I still hate it.

To piggyback on this, anyone's relationship becomes strained in the first years after having a kid because of the added stress and fatigue (ESPECIALLY fatigue). Lack of sleep is the slow killer of relationships, because everyone has way less patience when they're tired. So suddenly, small things your SO does that you'd normally let slide become extra grating, you don't have the energy to disagree nicely, and you don't have the patience to word your speech in a way that can't be interpreted as mean. It's hard, but during these times, it's important to remember for both you and your SO to keep in mind that it's just the sleep deprivation talking, and you don't actually want to kill each other. You can snap at each other but don't take it personally. Don't dwell on it. Don't let it fester.

Things get better starting at around the time your kid learns to sleep better. Not perfect, but that's probably the biggest step towards making you not feel exhausted all the time.
 

lt519

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,566
Oh man, I remember how jarring it is to come home and have to do parent stuff immediately. There were days when I had to come home and immediately go straight to the kitchen to cook. Didn't even sit down anywhere after coming in through the door. It fucking sucks, but sometimes shit just needs to be done, so I got used to it, even though I still hate it.

To piggyback on this, anyone's relationship becomes strained in the first years after having a kid because of the added stress and fatigue (ESPECIALLY fatigue). Lack of sleep is the slow killer of relationships, because everyone has way less patience when they're tired. So suddenly, small things your SO does that you'd normally let slide become extra grating, you don't have the energy to disagree nicely, and you don't have the patience to word your speech in a way that can't be interpreted as mean. It's hard, but during these times, it's important to remember for both you and your SO to keep in mind that it's just the sleep deprivation talking, and you don't actually want to kill each other. You can snap at each other but don't take it personally. Don't dwell on it. Don't let it fester.

Things get better starting at around the time your kid learns to sleep better. Not perfect, but that's probably the biggest step towards making you not feel exhausted all the time.
My routine right now is to walk in the door, get swarmed by happy babies, because honestly how could I refuse that. Then play for a few minutes, start their solid food dinner, clean up after them, read some books with them, give them baths and then put them to bed. So really from when I walk in at 5:30 til they go to bed at 7:30 it's just another barrage after work. My wife for a while as soon as they were asleep would start unloading her days problems onto me or asking simple things like what I wanted for dinner and all I wanted to do was go find a hole and hide. So now she knows, give it some time after they go to bed before interacting, and if it is a really bad day for me she'll take them on a walk when I get home so I can have 15 minutes.

On the flip side, my wife works too, so it's the same for her. She gets home an hour earlier and has the kids until I get home so she can't wait until I get home to get a few minutes of relief while I play with them before we tag team up and get them ready for bed.
 

RDreamer

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,637
Yeah I dunno how the fuck anyone does this if they don’t have an amazing relationship with their spouse. It takes an incredible amount of poise, understanding, teamwork, forgiveness, patience, etc etc to get through.

We have never really fought but there’s been some misunderstandings and fuck ups and tone misuse that just happens when you’re on minimum sleep and trying to figure it out. We’re amazing though and both know the other is coming from that same place of absolute sleep deprivation plus genuinely trying our hardest for our little one. So it’s easy for forgive and forget and understand.

Our son still sleeps like ass and is up every 2 hours so we don’t really have a before work or after work routine. We can’t put him to bed and be adults even for a half hour or something. That’s sleep time. We both work, my wife full time and me part time but I work from home my time. She does some times. We don't have child care so he’s with us 100%. No one’s been able to watch him for us since birth. It’s a lot. I love my wife more than ever but I also miss my wife. I know it’s just a phase but god that part sucks.

But yeah she gets home and the little one gets milk right away basically before she can change. I get off work and I’m immediately doing chores like feeding and cleaning. I also do dinner and shit while working on days I’m on the clock. I also have to double up and exercise on my bike while doing my design work on my laptop or I’d get in zero time.
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,699
My wife have jumped down each others throats with our twins as well. We had a stage where the boy was just crying all day and all night, it wears you down really fast between the lack of sleep and the stress created by an unhappy baby. We've been together for 6 years and have never snapped at each other until the twins.

We both have slightly different methods of parenting and neither is right/wrong, just different. It takes some self restraint on my part and on her part to not be upset when the other is doing something differently. I'm more likely to a baby cry it out then her and she's more likely to let them climb things and fall and bonk their heads than me. It's caused some tension for sure because we see one do the other and have a lot of "What the fuck are you doing?" moments. Talk to her about this, there are things you should be consistent about with the babies, but some other things don't need to be exactly the same. How you put a diaper on doesn't need to be the same with how she puts a diaper on and neither should get upset about the differences.

Other than that discussion the best thing to do is have a serious discussion about emotions and how to best handle those situations. Because it WILL happen again and again. There's just no humanly possible way to not snap at someone when you've been trying to soothe a baby that has been crying for 3 hours and your SO is like "Did you try X?" "Yes I've tried literally everything under the sun, fuck off" lol.

What we established is that the outbursts are going to happen and that they are purely heat of the moment problems and that we both need to let them roll off the shoulders. Sometimes that means we watch TV in a different room for the night so as to not let a problem downward spiral and the next morning everything is always back to normal and then we talk about it. Sometimes you don't have to hash everything out when emotions are high, let things simmer down first, then discuss what happened, why it happened, and work together.

You're in for a ride bud, it isn't going to be easy, but you'll come out the other side stronger and thicker skinned with your wife. At around 6 months we started getting back into a rhythm and the outbursts mostly stopped because we started getting more sleep and started eating healthier (THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT TOO).

The next step which we were literally talking about last night is how both of us can get more exercise. We're going to get a spin bike in the house so we can have easy access to some exercise to blow off some steam and get the serotonin flowing.

Getting back into a normal cadence of what you were doing pre-babies is important. My wife use to go to the gym everyday. She hasn't been in 17 months now, and we recollected that when she missed a gym day pre-baby she was always an anxious mess so we're trying to get her back in that rhythm. For me I need decompression time after work or I remain anxious. I can't walk in the door and be swarmed by two babies and my wife asking questions or I have a mental breakdown, so we're working on getting me some personal time when I first get home.

You and your wife's mental health is just as important to the babies upbringing. You can't be anxious/angry messes and raise happy babies. So make sure you work on yourselves too.
Great post and thanks for all the advice. We've been pretty good at sticking together, this was the worst either of us has blown up at each other really. She accepted my apology, we cleared the air, and we're fine now. And yeah I totally can see it happening again, I really am just not able to handle dealing with a baby roaring at me from one direction and then being given out to from another, it's too much for me. Not really sure we have a parenting style yet either, it's purely survival at the moment.

I'm pretty much back in my routine now, I cycle to work so that's my exercise, I just have a baby on hand all evening afterwards. It's much harder for my wife, with 2 babies to look after doing anything is basically impossible. We can't leave them alone with one person yet (e.g. a grandparent) because it's unfair on everyone involved. She's back cooking and baking which is great though (as in she enjoys both) and brings some sort of normality back. Honestly I would give just about anything for that. I just hope, in the next 2 or 3 months, we can get them to sleep for the night. It will make everything in our lives better.

And through it all, you just love the two of them more than you can express. Even if they are little shits.
 

Rocketz

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,283
Ferndale, Michigan
Little boy isn't eating formula anymore, not sure what is up. Just up and refused it starting last night and went to the doctor today and nothing is wrong. Hopefully just a virus but he tolerates solids like oatmeal and all that so also may be related to the sucking motion (teething/ear infection?) on a sippy cup or bottle. Basically doctor said who knows and just monitor his hydration and keep an eye out for rashes.
We had something like this last week. Ended up with Roseola and a ear infection. Started with a lot of drooling then a fever and after that the rash from the roseola. Took him to the doctor and found the ear infection. Would eat food but we could hardly get him to drink an ounce. He's just now basically back to normal with his formula.
 

Nephtes

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,424
I can’t believe my kid will be 4 months old tomorrow...
On the one hand, I can’t seem to remember life before she showed up and I feel like we’ve been in this routine FOR-EV-OR...

But on the other hand, it’s been no time at all.

Everyone keeps saying “oh my gosh she looks so different than the last time I saw her,” but honestly, I don’t see it. She looks pretty similar to the day she popped out.

We’ve already taken a road trip with her 2 months ago (10+ hours in the car) and it was very pleasant honestly. But next week, we’re about to roll the dice on our first airplane ride with layover, so that’s 4 take offs total.

I’m worried we’re going to have a screaming kid and irate passengers wanting to toss us off the plane based on another Era topic earlier this week... 😅
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,699
I can’t believe my kid will be 4 months old tomorrow...
On the one hand, I can’t seem to remember life before she showed up and I feel like we’ve been in this routine FOR-EV-OR...

But on the other hand, it’s been no time at all.

Everyone keeps saying “oh my gosh she looks so different than the last time I saw her,” but honestly, I don’t see it. She looks pretty similar to the day she popped out.

We’ve already taken a road trip with her 2 months ago (10+ hours in the car) and it was very pleasant honestly. But next week, we’re about to roll the dice on our first airplane ride with layover, so that’s 4 take offs total.

I’m worried we’re going to have a screaming kid and irate passengers wanting to toss us off the plane based on another Era topic earlier this week... 😅
Did you see the 'babies shouldn't be allowed on planes' thread on EtcERA earlier this week? Seems this forum really despises children/parents/families for the most part. Anyway good luck!
 

Chopchop

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,400
I can’t believe my kid will be 4 months old tomorrow...
On the one hand, I can’t seem to remember life before she showed up and I feel like we’ve been in this routine FOR-EV-OR...

But on the other hand, it’s been no time at all.

Everyone keeps saying “oh my gosh she looks so different than the last time I saw her,” but honestly, I don’t see it. She looks pretty similar to the day she popped out.

We’ve already taken a road trip with her 2 months ago (10+ hours in the car) and it was very pleasant honestly. But next week, we’re about to roll the dice on our first airplane ride with layover, so that’s 4 take offs total.

I’m worried we’re going to have a screaming kid and irate passengers wanting to toss us off the plane based on another Era topic earlier this week... 😅
I feel like trips with kids are just a crapshoot. Sometimes they behave perfectly and sometimes they go fucking nuts. It's impossible to predict what you'll get until you actually go, because kids change so quickly that they might be fine on one trip but be bored/restless/cranky the next.

I think for trips, try to have a few things to fall back on in case they get restless, like a toy to give them or something. The depressurization before the plane lands can be uncomfortable for them too, but I'm not sure what you can do about that. Some kids are fine with it, but I remember that bothering me a lot when I was younger.

Did you see the 'babies shouldn't be allowed on planes' thread on EtcERA earlier this week? Seems this forum really despises children/parents/families for the most part. Anyway good luck!
Oh God, that one was bad. So much anger and hate in there. So many people just have no tolerance for kids and parents, as if they've never been kids themselves.

There seem to be so many people on this forum who just love to walk into every kid thread to shit on kids and yell at parents. Then the "kids are environmentally unfriendly" crowd follows them in to blare about how woke they are.

So many people on this forum hate children, and many of them seem to hate people who even like or have children. It's depressing.
 
Oct 27, 2017
2,699
Oh God, that one was bad. So much anger and hate in there. So many people just have no tolerance for kids and parents, as if they've never been kids themselves.

There seem to be so many people on this forum who just love to walk into every kid thread to shit on kids and yell at parents. Then the "kids are environmentally unfriendly" crowd follows them in to blare about how woke they are.

So many people on this forum hate children, and many of them seem to hate people who even like or have children. It's depressing.
What really gets me, and I know I shouldn't give a flying fuck about this, is people in those threads saying stuff like "if you do XYZ you're a shit parent" as if they know the first thing about parenting. Anyway. Best ignored.
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,182
Little nervous... our 14mos old has paused in terms of gross motor development, e.g., standing and walking. She was a little slow to roll over but hit that right at the mark basically. She used to stand up until about 10mos old or so, and then right at 10 months, she started crawling and then since then completely stopped standing. Just... gave it up. Can't do it no matter what we've tried, lifting her up, etc. She'll show interest in standing but she'll make due just getting onto her knees and stretching to reach for a toy or an item of interest. After about 3 more months we were getting worried, and now at 14 months she's scheduled to meet with an early interventions team tomorrow.

What kinda bums me out is that I'll look at photos on the Google Home display or those that come up on my phone,a nd she'll be standing along with the other kids at daycare or at family, or like when she started standing at home I took tons of photos... And the last 3-4months or so, basically since early July to now, there's none of that... she refuses to stand completely (like she just picks up her legs *immediately* and will eventually get fussy if you try to force her to). Back in June, July, she was solid standing up... would stand for like 10mins at a time while I got ready in the bathroom, she'd hold onto the tub and kinda dance a bit with her legs, while I'd brush my teeth or wash up or something, we even thought she'd start walking before she crawled (she didn't crawl till like just at 10 months, and didn't really start moving till 11mos). And then it basically stopped, she crawls, sure, but the standing completely stopped. It's one of those hard things as a parent.

She's also kinda paused a bit on talking... She mostly sitll has the same vocabulary, sort of, as she did a few weeks/months ago. She was quick to say "Dada," and now sshe says "Hi," "Dada," "hey," "mama" (sometimes), and variations of that (baba, gaga, daaaa, etc), And all sorts of noises/sounds, and occassionally repeats things back to us, but she's a bit behind. Like every once in a while she'll say something out of nowhere, like I'll say "Hi [dogs name]" to our dog, and she'll randomly repeat back "Hi [dogs name]!" (in ~14mos baby talk), or "Let's go to the car!" and she'll say "gaaa carr," and other things like that, but it's very sporadic and only sometimes.

We're a little concerned she might have cerebral palsey... At least, for a 1 year old she has some of the signs, like for instance, she crawls by dragging a leg behind her. She gets aorund just fine doing that, will crawl all over the house doing it, and also she butt scoots with toys in her hand, but that is a potential sign according to the CDC. So, of course, you can't help but be worried. She never had the other symptoms, like she's always been able to lift things to her mouth (Feed herself, etc), she holds a bottle, holds her water cups, is good at reaching things to other things (like she pretty early picked up on how we get buzzed iinto daycare and she does that every morning), enjoys flipping lights on and off, pressing buttons, plays with fine motorskill toys, holds books and turns pages, seemingly pretty good fine motor skills. She also rocks herself a lot, but usually when over-stimulated like if we go to a new place or we're suddenly surrounded by lots of people she doesn't know.

Going to meet with early interventions tomorrow and have another meeting scheduled for next week too and hopefully we can get some plans figured out and get a sense of what's going on and if there's anythign to worry about.

Y'know you just want your kid to be happy, healthy, develop normally. My wife really obsessed about the slow development things, and I try to stay up beat, positive, "don't worry let's give her time see what the doctor says," etc... I Feel like I can't really share the anxieties that I have because if I do then my wife will really ramp them up 100% and obsess, say "you think she has cerebral palsey!?!? omg shhould we go to the hospital!" and then she'll google mommy blogs and all of these horrible websites or something, and it's like... nah I just have anxieties too as a parent, but I can't share those with her because I have to be the one to reset us back to the baseline. BUt, still, I worry myself.
 
Last edited:

RedNalgene

Member
Oct 25, 2017
386
Little nervous... our 14mos old has paused in terms of gross motor development, e.g., standing and walking. She was a little slow to roll over but hit that right at the mark basically. She used to stand up until about 10mos or so, and then right at 10 months, she started crawling and then since then completely stopped standing. Just... gave it up. Can't do it no matter what we've tried, lifting her up, etc. She'll show interest in standing but she'll make due just getting onto her knees and stretching to reach for a toy or an item of interest. After about 3 more months we were getting worried, and now at 14 months she's scheduled to meet with an early interventions team tomorrow.

She's also kinda paused a bit on talking... She mostly sitll has the same vocabulary, sort of, as she did a few months ago. She was quick to say "Dada," and now sshe says "Hi," "Dada," And all sorts of noises/sounds, and occassionally repeats things back to us, but she's a bit behind.

We're a little concerned she might have cerebral palsey... At least, for a 1 year old she has some of the signs, like for instance, she crawls by dragging a leg behind her. She gets aorund just fine doing that, will crawl all over the house doing it, and also she butt scoots with toys in her hand, but that is a potential sign according to the CDC. So, of course, you can't help but be worried. She never had the other symptoms, like she's always been able to lift things to her mouth (Feed herself, etc), she holds a bottle, plays with toys, holds books and turns pages, seemingly pretty good fine motor skills. She also rocks herself a lot, but usually when over-stimulated like if we go to a new place or we're suddenly surrounded by lots of people she doesn't know.

Going to meet with early interventions tomorrow and have another meeting scheduled for next week too and hopefully we can get some plans figured out and get a sense of what's going on and if there's anythign to worry about.
Our daughter didn't walk until she was 14 months old, and then by 14.5 months she was running, so it was almost like she was waiting until she had it perfect before doing it at all. Meanwhile, my friend's son was running at 11 months (but still isn't talking more than a few words, and he's almost 2). And my daughter never really crawled, she just scooted along on one knee. We were definitely worried for a little while since she scooted on the same knee and never showed any desire to crawl "normally", but ultimately it wasn't an issue. And I feel like my wife and I have been doing this all along - even when she wasn't crawling we were like "have you noticed she kicks her right leg way more than her left when she's on the changing table? Is that something to be worried about? Let's ask the doctor at the next check-up" Developmental milestones are anxiety inducing for those reasons, but again, they help to identify when to seek professional council, so I guess it's good to have.

It's smart you're seeing a specialist to evaluate her, even if it's just for peace of mind. Fingers crossed for you - hopefully they just tell you to stop worrying.
 

CrudeDiatribe

Member
Oct 25, 2017
938
Eastern Canada
She's also kinda paused a bit on talking... She mostly sitll has the same vocabulary, sort of, as she did a few weeks/months ago. She was quick to say "Dada," and now sshe says "Hi," "Dada," "hey," "mama" (sometimes), and variations of that (baba, gaga, daaaa, etc), And all sorts of noises/sounds, and occassionally repeats things back to us, but she's a bit behind. Like every once in a while she'll say something out of nowhere, like I'll say "Hi [dogs name]" to our dog, and she'll randomly repeat back "Hi [dogs name]!" (in ~14mos baby talk), or "Let's go to the car!" and she'll say "gaaa carr," and other things like that, but it's very sporadic and only sometimes.
Can't speak to the motor issues, but our daughter seemingly paused on language for a long time— her first word was "whaszat?!" and then nothing else for months aside from the sign for 'more'. Can see in my message history that I told my mom at 18 months that she had a new word every few days, but I don't really remember when things started progressing past the first words, only that it took forever.
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,182
Our daughter didn't walk until she was 14 months old, and then by 14.5 months she was running, so it was almost like she was waiting until she had it perfect before doing it at all. Meanwhile, my friend's son was running at 11 months (but still isn't talking more than a few words, and he's almost 2). And my daughter never really crawled, she just scooted along on one knee. We were definitely worried for a little while since she scooted on the same knee and never showed any desire to crawl "normally", but ultimately it wasn't an issue. And I feel like my wife and I have been doing this all along - even when she wasn't crawling we were like "have you noticed she kicks her right leg way more than her left when she's on the changing table? Is that something to be worried about? Let's ask the doctor at the next check-up" Developmental milestones are anxiety inducing for those reasons, but again, they help to identify when to seek professional council, so I guess it's good to have.

It's smart you're seeing a specialist to evaluate her, even if it's just for peace of mind. Fingers crossed for you - hopefully they just tell you to stop worrying.
Thanks RedNalgene and CrudeDiatribe ... yeah we hear the same thing from everyone it's so common. And I try to stay pretty level ehaded about it too.

I'm hoping it's one of those things like how she was slow to roll over where suddenly she just figures it out and then ... we can't keep her from rolling over and when I'm changin gher diaper I'm like "Damn... wish she wasn't rolling over!" 👍
 

Chopchop

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,400
Little nervous... our 14mos old has paused in terms of gross motor development, e.g., standing and walking. She was a little slow to roll over but hit that right at the mark basically. She used to stand up until about 10mos old or so, and then right at 10 months, she started crawling and then since then completely stopped standing. Just... gave it up. Can't do it no matter what we've tried, lifting her up, etc. She'll show interest in standing but she'll make due just getting onto her knees and stretching to reach for a toy or an item of interest. After about 3 more months we were getting worried, and now at 14 months she's scheduled to meet with an early interventions team tomorrow.

What kinda bums me out is that I'll look at photos on the Google Home display or those that come up on my phone,a nd she'll be standing along with the other kids at daycare or at family, or like when she started standing at home I took tons of photos... And the last 3-4months or so, basically since early July to now, there's none of that... she refuses to stand completely (like she just picks up her legs *immediately* and will eventually get fussy if you try to force her to). Back in June, July, she was solid standing up... would stand for like 10mins at a time while I got ready in the bathroom, she'd hold onto the tub and kinda dance a bit with her legs, while I'd brush my teeth or wash up or something, we even thought she'd start walking before she crawled (she didn't crawl till like just at 10 months, and didn't really start moving till 11mos). And then it basically stopped, she crawls, sure, but the standing completely stopped. It's one of those hard things as a parent.

She's also kinda paused a bit on talking... She mostly sitll has the same vocabulary, sort of, as she did a few weeks/months ago. She was quick to say "Dada," and now sshe says "Hi," "Dada," "hey," "mama" (sometimes), and variations of that (baba, gaga, daaaa, etc), And all sorts of noises/sounds, and occassionally repeats things back to us, but she's a bit behind. Like every once in a while she'll say something out of nowhere, like I'll say "Hi [dogs name]" to our dog, and she'll randomly repeat back "Hi [dogs name]!" (in ~14mos baby talk), or "Let's go to the car!" and she'll say "gaaa carr," and other things like that, but it's very sporadic and only sometimes.

We're a little concerned she might have cerebral palsey... At least, for a 1 year old she has some of the signs, like for instance, she crawls by dragging a leg behind her. She gets aorund just fine doing that, will crawl all over the house doing it, and also she butt scoots with toys in her hand, but that is a potential sign according to the CDC. So, of course, you can't help but be worried. She never had the other symptoms, like she's always been able to lift things to her mouth (Feed herself, etc), she holds a bottle, holds her water cups, is good at reaching things to other things (like she pretty early picked up on how we get buzzed iinto daycare and she does that every morning), enjoys flipping lights on and off, pressing buttons, plays with fine motorskill toys, holds books and turns pages, seemingly pretty good fine motor skills. She also rocks herself a lot, but usually when over-stimulated like if we go to a new place or we're suddenly surrounded by lots of people she doesn't know.

Going to meet with early interventions tomorrow and have another meeting scheduled for next week too and hopefully we can get some plans figured out and get a sense of what's going on and if there's anythign to worry about.

Y'know you just want your kid to be happy, healthy, develop normally. My wife really obsessed about the slow development things, and I try to stay up beat, positive, "don't worry let's give her time see what the doctor says," etc... I Feel like I can't really share the anxieties that I have because if I do then my wife will really ramp them up 100% and obsess, say "you think she has cerebral palsey!?!? omg shhould we go to the hospital!" and then she'll google mommy blogs and all of these horrible websites or something, and it's like... nah I just have anxieties too as a parent, but I can't share those with her because I have to be the one to reset us back to the baseline. BUt, still, I worry myself.
I don't know about the motor skills, but I think her saying two word phrases at 14 months is good. My kid only started doing that at like 19 months or so.

I feel you about the anxiety. I've been going through something similar with my wife, in that she's been getting extremely anxious that our kid may have ASD. Like your wife, she's been obsessively searching on the internet (though she has toned it down), and has learned that this behavior or that behavior *may* be a sign of something bad, and then I have to rein her in and try to reassure her that seeing those things on their own does not guarantee anything bad. Every interaction we have with our kid is now kinda tense because she watches every single thing our kid does and starts worrying as soon as he does anything that could be interpreted as something bad. Even if it's something like our kid being distracted by something and not responding to us calling him. Yeah, sure, it could be a developmental disorder, but it could also be a kid having a kid's attention span, or a person being normally distracted.

I understand that our kid does a few things that could be concerning, and I'm a bit worried myself, but I know that in psychology, any bad sign generally needs to tick a lot of other boxes on a list before it qualifies as a diagnosis. But even so, sometimes her anxiety gets the better of her and her mind starts racing forward, and then I have to try to be a rock for her. But it's hard to keep it up over time when I'm trying to be a rock for her all day, every day. I feel like I can't express or address any of my own feelings. Can't be tired, or mad, or upset at anything. I just always have to be calm and supportive.
 

Nephtes

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,424
Thanks RedNalgene and CrudeDiatribe ... yeah we hear the same thing from everyone it's so common. And I try to stay pretty level ehaded about it too.

I'm hoping it's one of those things like how she was slow to roll over where suddenly she just figures it out and then ... we can't keep her from rolling over and when I'm changin gher diaper I'm like "Damn... wish she wasn't rolling over!" 👍
So basically, from the time you get pregnant through birth and development when does the worrying stop exactly?😅

We were worried we couldn’t get pregnant, then we had a miscarriage and were worried about more miscarriages.Then we were worried about chromosomal abnormalities, then we were worried about her not breast feeding well... now we’re in the “why hasn’t she rolled over?” stage.

Kids, I swear... oh to not be worried about stuff again.

For what it’s worth, I had a niece that never learned to crawl, she just scootched on her butt everywhere till she figured out walking ...
 

Anno

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,662
Columbus, Ohio
For what it’s worth, I had a niece that never learned to crawl, she just scootched on her butt everywhere till she figured out walking ...
This was us, too. She just butt scooted everywhere until she could stand and then walk. Then like a month later she randomly knew how to crawl if she needed to get under something low. Kids are weird.