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ParentERA |OT| What To Expect When You’re Not Sleeping
- Thread starter Hollywood Duo
- Start date
They don't get good sleep because they're evolutionarily built to want safety and comfort of their parent, but society shuns things like co-sleeping and preaches independence far before a child is actually ready. That and society doesn't give enough for parents to stay with their children. It's back to work you go!
Sleep training is essentially ignoring their needs and communication until they realize you're not coming / it's useless.
Absolutely, it's giving them a nudge to be able to settle themselves, and putting a routine in place that lets them fit enough sleep into the day. Like my two guys at 6 months need to sleep for a good 2 hours in the middle of the day and we have to allow them do that.
No, it is not this. If this is how you're trying to sleep train you're doing it wrong.
People in this very thread talk about ignoring screams for an hour.
A lot of people outside this thread advocate even harsher.
Babies literally cannot regulate their own emotions. That requires a more developed neocortex.
Sleep training is a divisive subject. To say someone is "wrong" or "not wrong" in how we're all trying to get our kids to sleep, IMO, isn't helpful. What works for some parents/children may not work for others.
I try not to villainize those that have to resort to "sleep training." As I've said before, society isn't well set up and expectations are thwarted upon new families very quickly. I can definitely understand why a lot literally have to go that route in order to survive because they need to drive to work, get up and provide, etc. Parents have to make a lot of hard decisions sometimes, and I can't blame them for doing it for whatever reason. I look at it as a bit of a privilege that we personally don't have to go that route and subject him to some of the harsh sleep training things I've heard and seen. It's fucking hard getting only 4-5 hours of sleep on a good night, but we make it work. We know he'll get there someday.
We never actually do "sleep training", but my son is already able to sleep from 7-8 PM to 5 AM in the morning. He's been like that since 4 month old.
I have a 4 year old nephew and he still doesn't talk. He more or less understand what people say but he still talk like a baby. He's getting better at expressing what he wants now, thanks to the long therapy, but he's still not able to speak in a sentence.
Yes, I do use them. What do you mean by sprayer?
I think he's fine for a 2 year old boy. He's probably just the silent type.
I have a 4 year old nephew and he still doesn't talk. He more or less understand what people say but he still talk like a baby. He's getting better at expressing what he wants now, thanks to the long therapy, but he's still not able to speak in a sentence.
Christ that's heavenly. Does he breastfeed? Thats seems to be a pretty big key to sleep. Breastfed babies wake up a lot more, especially prior to any sort of night weening.
Ours went off the rails terrible right at 4 months. Prior to that his sleep was pretty manageable.
Yeah, he does breastfeed once or twice in the night, but he's half asleep while doing that and able to immediately go back to sleep after he's done.
That said, he's somewhat fussy in the day. Like, he don't want to be left alone at times.
Valve, hose and nozzle that attaches to a toilet's water inlet so you can easily get the poop off the diaper and into the toilet.
Didn't have one when I introduced raisins and carrots to my daughter and so I had to pick some thoroughly washed partially digested bits out of my washing machine.
Fun times!
Same for my daughter. Theres a major sleep regression at 4 months, caused by sleep becoming more consolidated. She went from waking up twice in the overnight (and falling right back asleep after bottle/boob) to waking up screaming every hour and unable to fall asleep when in the crib. We did a modified version of sleep training and she was sleeping in 7hr stretches in like 4 days.
11 months later and ours still wakes up every hour and a half to two and a half hours. Sometimes he'll hit a three hour stretch and it'll be quite nice.
Yes you're right, my mistake above. It's very tough on parents so I agree with you here. I won't use language like that again.
I was responding to a conversation saying sleep training is basically leaving the child alone until they learn you aren't coming back. That's not what we did at all and imo it's not what anyone really needs to do. The approach we took was actually the exact opposite, we were trying to teach them that even though they were in a dark room by themselves that we actually were ALWAYS close by, that we WOULD come back and that they were safe. The longest we ever left them to cry continually without going in was 3 minutes. It's 7am here now and they're just waking up having been down since just after 7pm.
Our first-born loin fruit is now 3.5yrs, and he only says a couple of words.
Beefy (, AKA "Beef Chegwin", his soft toy cow, and bro for life)
Apple
Hello, we're home*
Thank you*
*only says these when we say them, so is more repeating noises than actually saying them of his own volition.
That's about it. He's having speech therapy and behavioral therapy, as he gets so frustrated not being able to communicate that he ends up having massive meltdowns.
He's also supposed to be getting booked in to have a slight tongue tie sorted, but god knows when that'll be. I'm hoping the surgery will make it easier/more comfortable to make different sounds.
Breaks my damn heart every time, because you clearly see him getting frustrated because he can't communicate. The most effective thing he can do is grab one of us by the hand and take us near what he wants, points and says "ees uhm" for everything. He'll take us to the stairs (stairgate) because it's nearly bedtime and he wants to cuddle Beefy early. He'll take us to the kitchen because that's where he knows the tablet is on charge, or the apples are there. He'll put his cup in our hand and lead us to the kitchen. Every time "ees uhm".
We're working through it, but every once in a while I start questioning if we've done something wrong.
Our 19 month old daughter kept pointing at a dog toy that was teetering on the brink of falling into the basement and nervously repeating the dogs name. I told her that I'd go move it after I was done making some food. She then got up from reading to her Elmo, walked over and moved it back onto the carpet, then turned to me and signed, "you're welcome" as she went back to reading. Got flexed on and called lazy by a toddler lmao.
Well over the weekend looks like my wife and I had a chemical pregnancy after visiting the doctor. She had a positive test but days after started to have a strange period and all the pregnancy feelings she was having disappeared.
I guess it's the best case scenario since right after getting a positive test it happened if something bad was going to happen. Nothing really was in motion yet so it's almost like we wouldn't of known if she wasn't late and didn't have the feelings.
We were starting to try again for another child but now that we have a date for her sisters wedding and it's this fall we're going to go on hold for a few months until the summer.
I guess it's the best case scenario since right after getting a positive test it happened if something bad was going to happen. Nothing really was in motion yet so it's almost like we wouldn't of known if she wasn't late and didn't have the feelings.
We were starting to try again for another child but now that we have a date for her sisters wedding and it's this fall we're going to go on hold for a few months until the summer.
Ha :) The other day my two year old kept pointing at me and saying "it's naughty." I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to have done wrong. Eventually I figured out that she had wiped her nose on my t-shirt and was pointing at it and saying "snotty."
In the hospital now waiting for baby number three to arrive. My oldest just turned three and the other is about to turn 2 this month.
We've had a full week of my 6 month old twins sleeping through the night now. They go down just after 7, get a feed at 1030, and generally sleep through to the morning. Feels like a miracle.
All the best!
All the best!
You made it! How are they doing when one wakes up in the middle of the night? Generally our girl can sleep through our boys loudest but not the opposite.
Teething is your next challenge! We've got 5 teeth total and the latest top tooth on the girl was brutal. She woke up multiple times a night in full on tears which then woke the boy up. Wasn't a good holiday break of sleep haha.
Also, we did the midnight feeding for a while and my advice is to slowly ween them off of it. Do less and less each night until you cut it out entirely. Our doctor assured us they don't need it, they'll make up for it in the morning, and it's just setting up for problems later. It seemed scary to rock the boat once they started sleeping but I'm glad we did it.
They're pretty good at sleeping through each other crying, though they barely cry at all during the night. Sometimes they wake, have a little chat with themselves, and just go back asleep again. The number of interventions we've had to make have been absolutely minimal which is amazing. My biggest problem at the moment is I have a very loud mechanical keyboard and my PC room is next door to their bedroom!
We've 4 teeth already, 2 each at the bottom. Calpol (is Calpol a thing in the US?) saw us through. They get massive big red cheeks when a tooth is coming so we have a warning, it's pretty funny.
And we're actually off the midnight feed since I posted that. They're pretty well established on solid food (i.e. mush) so that helps a lot. They've been off that feed for 2 nights now and all good. Last night we put them in their cots at 7pm and didn't hear a peep from them until we went to get them at 7am. It definitely felt scary cutting it out but we did as you said, went from a full breastfeed to a few oz in a bottle to nothing over a few nights.
That's awesome to hear! Yeah, we gave them baby ibuprofen when we realized it was teething and that usually got them back to sleep within 20-30 minutes. Ours are rocking 7:30pm to about 6:30am now on a nightly basis minus any common colds/teething that may be occurring any given week.
I'm still generally exhausted though haha, they both are starting to walk and climb everything so it's just absolute mayhem at all times when they are awake. I'm looking forward to when they can play a little more independently so I can take a breather every now and then, but I think that is quite a ways out.
Just had a doctors appointment and I guess our 16 month old is technically speech delayed. The only thing he really says with correct context seems to be "yeah". Not even Mama or Dada yet. Pretty surprising. Not terribly worried but we might do speech therapy stuff. He hasn't reversed like my nephew did, just slow progress.
How did you guys with older kids deal with the "no" phase when they were toddlers? My son doesn't want anyone other than his mother, and he throws a fit when anyone else gets around him.
Hi everyone,
I just discovered this thread. I am a father of almost 3-year-old and we'll soon (in a month or so) are having our second baby. And I can tell you, I thought that it will be easier, but I am almost as nervous as during the first time. I guess I would like to hear from someone that it is manageable but I also don't want getting a false hope, lol. I think that I can just say that there are people with 2 or more children and they did not went insane (fingers crossed ;))
Anyway, just wanted to say hello as I am slowly going through the thread.
I just discovered this thread. I am a father of almost 3-year-old and we'll soon (in a month or so) are having our second baby. And I can tell you, I thought that it will be easier, but I am almost as nervous as during the first time. I guess I would like to hear from someone that it is manageable but I also don't want getting a false hope, lol. I think that I can just say that there are people with 2 or more children and they did not went insane (fingers crossed ;))
Anyway, just wanted to say hello as I am slowly going through the thread.
I've got twins, I guess it's a different dynamic when they're both the same age but you manage. No choice really!
Good luck with the new baby and I hope your wife /partner is doing well.
Little girl is now playing hide and seek with me around corners. When she finds me or I chase her the smiles, laughter, and excitement are just so pure. There is just nothing better than that in the world. She will laugh at me then run around a corner and peek her head out until I chase her. Just the best, just melts me inside.
My daughter does that... although she's still crawling. She'll crawl behind the couch and then peek out each side and just LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH. I love it. My dogs on the other side of the room being like "... what's the big deal?"
Good luck!
My son is still 6 month old. Even so, every time he smiles at me, it's the happiest moment of my life. And he smiles (and laugh) a lot already.
Just had a thought.
If you've got a sink big enough to wash your infant in it, and the baby poops in the sink, do you use the garbage disposal or scoop it out?
Asking because my toddler is now all about that tub pooping life. And at our old house our sink was too small so we always used the tub with a plastic mini tub. But with our current house our sink is one of those nice big soap stone like sinks and if we had another kid we'd use that.
I guess newborns don't have solid poop usually.
Hmmm.
If you've got a sink big enough to wash your infant in it, and the baby poops in the sink, do you use the garbage disposal or scoop it out?
Asking because my toddler is now all about that tub pooping life. And at our old house our sink was too small so we always used the tub with a plastic mini tub. But with our current house our sink is one of those nice big soap stone like sinks and if we had another kid we'd use that.
I guess newborns don't have solid poop usually.
Hmmm.
Pretty sure you want to minimize shit particles in the air. Maybe you don't, I guess, but I wouldn't blend it.
counter-point, sink is blocked and the water has been brown for 2 weeks. Poop water is evaporating into the atmosphere. Do you blend now?
My 6 months old son has started eating, mostly homemade pure (rice, meat, veggies) and sometimes instant food. However, his appetite seems pretty random. Sometimes he'd eat the whole cup in one sitting, but some other time he completely rejects it just after one spoon. We don't use any spice and/or salt in the food, the taste mostly comes from homemade chicken broth.
With my 9 month old it's all about juggling. She loses it when the balls fall everywhere. Totally agreed that there's nothing better. I live to entertain her.
I don't really have an answer for you whereas someone else might, but my daughter used to be pretty inconsistent, too. We were never sure if it was teething, a mood thing, a stomach thing, her appetite being random, or what. Is your son eating on the same schedule each day? If he rejects one meal does he normally eat the next? Does he reject regardless of what you're feeding him?
I wonder if offering a bit more variety might help, too, if each meal is the same purée. Worth trying, at least.
Get used to it. Haha. My daughter will eat an adult portion of something one day, and then the next time won't even touch it. Some nights she is a bottomless pit, and the next she will eat barely anything, and won't be worse for the wear. Keep trying, especially early in life as those first couple of years are when their food preferences form. We'll give our daughter a food 9 or 10 times before we assume she actually doesn't like something.
Yeah, we regularly give our soon a meal about 3-4 times in a day. 2 of them are the big meals, rice puree and proteins. The other 2 are fruits. Speaking of fruits, he really likes them and mostly eat the whole portion each time. But we know that fruits alone are not enough, as he also needs iron, fat, and carbs.
Thanks for the suggestions, we'll keep trying haha.
Yeah to echo rednalgene
Totally wide open spectrum in terms of how much solids kids eat, some do a tablespoon or two once or twice a day, some eat a lot more
It's good to not stress if all they wanna do is play with the food and or just want nothing to do with the food. At 6 months all of the calories still come from milk, and even later they're liable to skip a meal or two in a row. They'll make up for it in subsequent meals.
Push the veggies now! You know they'll love fruits since they're sweet. The cereals have lots of vitamins and iron, and can be used to adjust the thickness of foods.
You know I've never had a problem with schools and banks and the government being closed for
MLK day till today...The first MLK day since my daughter was born.
Showed up to drop her off annnnnnnd, big sign on the door "closed for MLK day" 😑
You know what's not closed? My job.
Trying to see how long till my boss notices my office door is closed or anyone asks me about the random bouts baby crying emanating from the room when she gets bored with the toy she's currently holding ...
MLK day till today...The first MLK day since my daughter was born.
Showed up to drop her off annnnnnnd, big sign on the door "closed for MLK day" 😑
You know what's not closed? My job.
Trying to see how long till my boss notices my office door is closed or anyone asks me about the random bouts baby crying emanating from the room when she gets bored with the toy she's currently holding ...
Kid (just over 2) suddenly started getting pretty bad separation anxiety at bedtime. He was sleeping fine on his own for nearly a year, but now he cries for his parents every time we leave him for bed.
His sleep times have also moved back an hour or two suddenly. No idea why. We tried having him sleep with us for a night or two to try ruling out anxiety and to see if he was actually tired and yeah, he's been facing asleep an hour or two later than usual, but waking up in the morning at around the same times.
Gonna have to deal with this again tonight. Bleh.
His sleep times have also moved back an hour or two suddenly. No idea why. We tried having him sleep with us for a night or two to try ruling out anxiety and to see if he was actually tired and yeah, he's been facing asleep an hour or two later than usual, but waking up in the morning at around the same times.
Gonna have to deal with this again tonight. Bleh.
Get ready for toddler-hood.
She was a GREAT eater from 0-12mos, she transitioned to solid foods great, transitioned to "normal" adult-like food great, loved pasta and fruits and vegetables and bananas and pouches and anything we gave her. She loved pickles and buffalo chicken (literally once she took pulled buffalo chicken from my plate, put it in her mouth, made a horrible twisted face and then was like "MMMMMMM!!!!" and reached for more), and rice and beans and bread and desert and everything under the sun. She'd eat a whole apple at the orchard, scrambled eggs and toast and jam, crackers or beef.
Things were going great and then ... The hunger strike months began. I believe she must have heard about some social inequities at daycare and has been on an intermittent hunger strike for about... 3 months. She'll go multiple days eating like a bird, subsisting on fruits, some vegetables, and the light peck of a piece of cheese or a slice off turkey. And then she'll feast like it's Mardis Gras. And then she'll get word from Ghandi or something and it's back to the hunger strike.
A general rule for toddlers is the amount of time you take preparing their meal is directly inverse to the amount that they'll eat. I made a terrific homemade ma & cheese w/ pulled pork ~3 weeks ago, something that she would normally *love* for a Sunday family dinner .......... and her reaction was like I was trying to make her eat uncooked horse meat after just finishing Red Dead Redemption 2.
This is so fucking true.
First time I made steak and veggies for my kid? Didn't want it. Ate garlic bread instead.
Wife makes tenderloin? Kid doesn't touch it, and ate nothing but eggs.
Make tacos? Kid doesn't touch anything but eats a whole fucking unadorned tortilla himself. This one was easier to stomach because it looked cute.
But yeah, kid eating is weird. I still stress out about it and dread dinner every day. My kid will love and demolish a dish one day and not want to touch it the next. Maybe he doesn't like to eat the same thing two days in a row?
The smallest things could turn him off his food, such as something that "looks weird" to him in the dish. It's still a running debate at home as to whether it's normal for a kid to act this way around food.
Kiddo excitedly asked for a scrambled egg for breakfast then when it was done wanted something else. "Listen, you little shit..." (I did not say this).
Mine does that sometimes too. He'll ask for one food and then change his mind by the time I've crossed the kitchen and gotten it for him.
Or he'll say "all done" then pause and take one or two more bites.
And of course he sounds a little frustrated when we start asking him if he's SURE he's all done.