ParentERA |OT| What To Expect When You’re Not Sleeping

RDreamer · Oct 2, 2019

Development is so weird and different between babies. You can't help but be a bit paranoid. A few months behind feels like a huge deal but when you think about it, it's really nothing in the grand scheme of things. But you worry.

Our little one is pretty spot on physically but he hasn't said squat yet at 13 months. He babbles and he's done a mamamamamama or dadadadada, but we're positive there's zero correlation with us as people and him saying it. Seems he might be trying to say dog or cat but the closest was maybe gog at some point? Just like once. Basically nothing we would call words or speech patterns yet. Always worry a bit when I hear people talk about their like 9 month old speaking. My nephew regressed a ton though and isn't saying much at over 2 years old. Well lately he's saying a bunch but it's exclusively the first syllable of Pokémon and super heroes.

Chopchop · Oct 2, 2019

Nephtes said:
So basically, from the time you get pregnant through birth and development when does the worrying stop exactly?😅

We were worried we couldn't get pregnant, then we had a miscarriage and were worried about more miscarriages.Then we were worried about chromosomal abnormalities, then we were worried about her not breast feeding well... now we're in the "why hasn't she rolled over?" stage.

Kids, I swear... oh to not be worried about stuff again.

For what it's worth, I had a niece that never learned to crawl, she just scootched on her butt everywhere till she figured out walking ...

Ugh, the worrying is awful. It's always one thing and then the next.

Why isn't he learning to roll over?

Why isn't he sitting up?

Why isn't he learning to crawl?

Why isn't he walking?

Why isn't he learning to do this?

Why isn't he eating? Is he teething?

Fucking teething. I swear that I'm going to wonder if my kid's fussing is teething even when he's 30. He'll be stressed about his fucking taxes, and I'll be like "is he upset because he's teething?"

lt519 · Oct 3, 2019

Super hard with twins to not directly compare them too. Our girl is like 6 weeks behind the boy in gross motor skills but she has him trumped by like 6 weeks on fine motor skills. She's social, he isn't. He drags a leg, she doesn't. Etc, etc. You'll drive yourself nuts if you aren't careful.

Anno · Oct 3, 2019

I just badly underestimate my daughter way more often than I should because she's only 17 months old. Today she apparently stole her grandmas car keys sometime in the morning. When grandma went to leave and couldn't find her keys we looked all over to no avail. Then I just asked Josie where she put them and she led us over to the correct corner of the house we hadn't checked in yet.

Nephtes · Oct 3, 2019

Anno said:
I just badly underestimate my daughter way more often than I should because she's only 17 months old. Today she apparently stole her grandmas car keys sometime in the morning. When grandma went to leave and couldn't find her keys we looked all over to no avail. Then I just asked Josie where she put them and she led us over to the correct corner of the house we hadn't checked in yet.

been playing Untitled Goose Game near your kid huh?

Anno · Oct 3, 2019

Nephtes said:
been playing Untitled Goose Game near your kid huh?

She doesn't need any more inspiration!

Interested Observer · Oct 10, 2019

My 16/17 week old son is going through a horrible phase at the moment. Just angry and cranky aaaaalllllll the time about absolutely everything. Can't get him to sleep at night, can't get him to nap properly, can't get him to stop crying when he starts. The only time he's not losing his shit is when he's being fed. It's a real drain :(

Hope he comes through it sooner rather than later.

Deleted member 8860 · Oct 10, 2019

My four year old has always trouble with anger management (particularly when tired), but yesterday was a wake up call: throwing magna tiles and growling in pre-kindergarten. (Also, claiming the teacher "was not telling the truth about throwing magna tiles.")

We're going to have to figure this out. As an only child, we're really lenient/indulgent with our "baby" at home. Any general tips on discipline at this age?

WillyGubbins · Oct 13, 2019

Found my kids (2 and nearly 4) on the kitchen floor eating handfuls of brown sugar from a packet. I only turned my back for a minute. It was 5AM. This is going to be a long day.

Nephtes · Oct 13, 2019

We did it!
We flew from Pensacola Florida to Atlanta and then from Atlanta to Louisville with a 4 month old and she only cried briefly once!
Even though we were right next to the engine and everything!
Even got some Netflix binging in with The Good Place.

We just did our best to keep her awake all day so when we got on the plane, she was so tired she passed right out, and we got lots of accolades for having such a good baby.
Hahaha, if they only knew...

Chopchop · Oct 13, 2019

emag said:
My four year old has always trouble with anger management (particularly when tired), but yesterday was a wake up call: throwing magna tiles and growling in pre-kindergarten. (Also, claiming the teacher "was not telling the truth about throwing magna tiles.")

We're going to have to figure this out. As an only child, we're really lenient/indulgent with our "baby" at home. Any general tips on discipline at this age?

It sounds like you may be too lenient on the kid, which leads to the kid not knowing how to handle being turned town, which can lead to huge tantrums. You may be lenient on your kid, but the teacher may be trying to enforce more order on the kid at school, which may be running counter to the treatment the kid gets at home.

I think you may need to enforce more rules on your kid, but explain to him why he has to behave in a certain way. He may not fully understand those explanations, but you need to try to explain why some things are bad. Trying to explain a rule is better than just enforcing it strictly without giving a reason why.

In child psychology there's a model that splits parenting styles into four categories, based on how strict the parent is, and how responsive the parent is to the kid's feedback when enforcing those rules. There's an article about it here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...effects-children-what-is-your-parenting-style

The short of it is that firmly enforcing rules while explaining to the kid why the rules exist and listening to the kid's feedback is the "best" way to parent, though it's obviously the hardest and most demanding on the part of the parent. The idea is that if you need to punish the kid for being bad, you need to try to make sure that the kid understands why what he did was wrong, and not let the rules speak for themselves. That lets the kid learn the underlying reasons behind why something is bad (which hopefully leads to self-governing behavior) instead of learning to not do something because he's learned that he'll be punished if caught.

Another key point is to avoid using power assertions as much as possible when enforcing rules. Power assertions are when a parent puts their foot down and forces the kid to do something by either raising their voice or physically pulling the kid away from something. While obviously things like that may have to be done occasionally in emergencies, power assertions should be avoided whenever possible because it takes agency away from the kid. The kid is forced to obey and has no say in the situation in a power assertion, and the kid doesn't understand why he's being punished. It can harm their self-esteem and willingness to try new things if it happens too often. It leads back to why it's important to try to explain why a rule exists instead of taking a "do as I say because I said so" sort of approach.

bytesized · Oct 15, 2019

Hi guys. I'm almost 100% sure our 20 month old son has some level of autism and I'm feeling very bad about it. Anybody here going through it at the moment? Have they seen improvement in their kids? Is 20 month still not too late to do something about it?

I regret so much not following my intuition from the beginning because I was already suspicious months ago but I thought to myself it could just be the language barrier since we are a two language household living in a country with a different language from ours.

Anyway, thanks in advance.

GiJose · Oct 15, 2019

bytesized said:
Hi guys. I'm almost 100% sure our 20 month old son has some level of autism and I'm feeling very bad about it. Anybody here going through it at the moment? Have they seen improvement in their kids? Is 20 month still not too late to do something about it?

I regret so much not following my intuition from the beginning because I was already suspicious months ago but I thought to myself it could just be the language barrier since we are a two language household living in a country with a different language from ours.

Anyway, thanks in advance.

what does your pediatrician say?

What sorts of things are making you worried?

Interested Observer · Oct 15, 2019

bytesized said:
Hi guys. I'm almost 100% sure our 20 month old son has some level of autism and I'm feeling very bad about it. Anybody here going through it at the moment? Have they seen improvement in their kids? Is 20 month still not too late to do something about it?

I regret so much not following my intuition from the beginning because I was already suspicious months ago but I thought to myself it could just be the language barrier since we are a two language household living in a country with a different language from ours.

Anyway, thanks in advance.

Have you gone to see a doctor? Diagnosing this yourself, assuming you aren't a medical professional, seems like a terrible idea. What is making you think this?

bytesized · Oct 15, 2019

GiJose said:
what does your pediatrician say?

What sorts of things are making you worried?

Interested Observer said:
Have you gone to see a doctor? Diagnosing this yourself, assuming you aren't a medical professional, seems like a terrible idea. What is making you think this?

We're definitely seeking a diagnosis asap but we've been warned by a specialist that saw some videos of our kid and noticed a lot of signs. After that we made an mchat test and it resulted in a moderate score with the indication to seek medical advise which is what we'll be doing asap, of course.

Basically he doesn't respond to his name (although this had been improving somehow as if late, maybe responds 1 out of 10 times), doesn't point to things, doesn't follow simple commands, avoids eye contact... I always thought it was a personality thing but it seems like too many coincidences to me. Wish I am proven wrong, naturally.

GiJose · Oct 15, 2019

bytesized said:
We're definitely seeking a diagnosis asap but we've been warned by a specialist that saw some videos of our kid and noticed a lot of signs. After that we made an mchat test and it resulted in a moderate score with the indication to seek medical advise which is what we'll be doing asap, of course.

Basically he doesn't respond to his name (although this had been improving somehow as if late, maybe responds 1 out of 10 times), doesn't point to things, doesn't follow simple commands, avoids eye contact... I always thought it was a personality thing but it seems like too many coincidences to me. Wish I am proven wrong, naturally.

yeah, seek a diagnosis, at least for some clarity

do you live in the US? If not, ignore this! It wouldn't be a bad idea to initiate an early intervention referral now - it's parent driven so you would contact your local early intervention center and request and evaluation. It can be a process, so it never hurts to get the ball rolling.

Chopchop · Oct 15, 2019

bytesized said:
We're definitely seeking a diagnosis asap but we've been warned by a specialist that saw some videos of our kid and noticed a lot of signs. After that we made an mchat test and it resulted in a moderate score with the indication to seek medical advise which is what we'll be doing asap, of course.

Basically he doesn't respond to his name (although this had been improving somehow as if late, maybe responds 1 out of 10 times), doesn't point to things, doesn't follow simple commands, avoids eye contact... I always thought it was a personality thing but it seems like too many coincidences to me. Wish I am proven wrong, naturally.

Hopefully things go well, but at least you're already seeing a specialist, who will point you in the right direction regardless of what they find.

For what it's worth, 20 months is most definitely not too late. In fact, usually diagnoses along these lines can't be done definitively one way or the other until around 2 years old anyway.

Monkeylord · Oct 16, 2019

Has anyone got any good methods of preventing shoe removal? Our youngest (1.5yo) is constantly taking off his shoes and slippers. We've almost lost shoes when out and about more times than I can count because he undoes the velcro, pulls them off and then just casually tosses them over the side of his pushchair as we're wandering down the street.

Anno · Oct 16, 2019

The last few weeks my daughter has started saying really long sentences of babble while she's reading or playing with something. But recently she's started saying momma/dada in the middle of them, leaving me to wonder what bad things she's saying about me.

Poiyo · Oct 17, 2019

bytesized said:
Hi guys. I'm almost 100% sure our 20 month old son has some level of autism and I'm feeling very bad about it. Anybody here going through it at the moment? Have they seen improvement in their kids? Is 20 month still not too late to do something about it?

I regret so much not following my intuition from the beginning because I was already suspicious months ago but I thought to myself it could just be the language barrier since we are a two language household living in a country with a different language from ours.

Anyway, thanks in advance.

My son is going through an ASD assessment right now. We had our first appointment a month ago where his developmental pediatrician asked us questions about his behaviour and our family history. Our next appointment is in February, when he will be a bit over 2 and the ped will be observing him and interacting with him as they play (ADOS exam).

20 months is extremely early for ASD to be caught and that means that you will have a lot of time to help your child. Take heart in that. It is absolutely not your fault and just the genetic lottery. That being said, do try to get an appointment with a developmental pediatrician as wait times are very high. We didn't get our first appointment until 6 months in. If you are in the states, try to get early intervention involved to see if you can get the ball rolling on any therapies that your child might need.

Feel free to PM me if you would like someone to talk to or for more information. My son is doing well since I first suspected ASD, but as people say, every child is different: "if you know one kid with autism, you know one kid with autism". Our list of flags is different from yours too. Try not to compare if you can help it.

bytesized · Oct 17, 2019

Poiyo said:
My son is going through an ASD assessment right now. We had our first appointment a month ago where his developmental pediatrician asked us questions about his behaviour and our family history. Our next appointment is in February, when he will be a bit over 2 and the ped will be observing him and interacting with him as they play (ADOS exam).

20 months is extremely early for ASD to be caught and that means that you will have a lot of time to help your child. Take heart in that. It is absolutely not your fault and just the genetic lottery. That being said, do try to get an appointment with a developmental pediatrician as wait times are very high. We didn't get our first appointment until 6 months in. If you are in the states, try to get early intervention involved to see if you can get the ball rolling on any therapies that your child might need.

Feel free to PM me if you would like someone to talk to or for more information. My son is doing well since I first suspected ASD, but as people say, every child is different: "if you know one kid with autism, you know one kid with autism". Our list of flags is different from yours too. Try not to compare if you can help it.

Thanks a lot for your comment, maybe I'll drop you a DM later on when I need more.

I sometimes doubt my intuition and the MCHAT test (that I did myself) because although my son has many of the flags, on the other hand, he's super expressive, agile, inclusive in the way he plays with us.... it is hard to think there's anything wrong with him. But then you call his name 10 times and never turns around... it feels horrible. And he can listen well for sure, we already had him go through a hearing test.

I am trying to stay positive but at the same time I prefer not to get my hopes up too much, I'd rather be happily surprised if I'm wrong and it turns out it was just a phase.

Wish you and your kid the best.

The Albatross · Oct 17, 2019

Monkeylord said:
Has anyone got any good methods of preventing shoe removal? Our youngest (1.5yo) is constantly taking off his shoes and slippers. We've almost lost shoes when out and about more times than I can count because he undoes the velcro, pulls them off and then just casually tosses them over the side of his pushchair as we're wandering down the street.

I wonder if they make shoes that you can a attach to the bottoms of pants, like stirrups?

If they don't: $$$

Nephtes · Oct 17, 2019

The Albatross said:
I wonder if they make shoes that you can a attach to the bottoms of pants, like stirrups?

If they don't: $$$

Or duct tape? Is that allowable? Seems like it'd be cheaper...

mercviper · Oct 17, 2019

Monkeylord said:
Has anyone got any good methods of preventing shoe removal? Our youngest (1.5yo) is constantly taking off his shoes and slippers. We've almost lost shoes when out and about more times than I can count because he undoes the velcro, pulls them off and then just casually tosses them over the side of his pushchair as we're wandering down the street.

If it's just about almost losing the shoes...
What about pocketing the shoes when he's in the push chair since you'll have to put them back on later anyway?

Interested Observer · Oct 17, 2019

HOW do you get a 4 month old to bed at night. They (twins) just won't go down. No ability to self settle. I'm pacing the house at the moment with one in a harness. My entire life now is go to work, come home, try get babies to sleep, have broken sleep myself, go to work.

Nephtes · Oct 17, 2019

Interested Observer said:
HOW do you get a 4 month old to bed at night. They (twins) just won't go down. No ability to self settle. I'm pacing the house at the moment with one in a harness. My entire life now is go to work, come home, try get babies to sleep, have broken sleep myself, go to work.

We only have one four month old, so I imagine it might be a little different with two kiddos... but typically, when we get home at around 6pm, we feed her once at 7pm and then again at 10pm. We do our best to keep her awake and entertained from the time we get home and usually she passes right out at around 8:30-9pm. She barely wakes up for the 10pm feeding at all, and after that we just dump her in her crib unceremoniously in a sleep sack (a kind of weighted arms free swaddle). No rocking or anything, just right in the crib. And after that she's usually out cold till 7am.

RDreamer · Oct 17, 2019

Interested Observer said:
HOW do you get a 4 month old to bed at night. They (twins) just won't go down. No ability to self settle. I'm pacing the house at the moment with one in a harness. My entire life now is go to work, come home, try get babies to sleep, have broken sleep myself, go to work.

4 month sleep regression is such shit. Ours had manageable sleep until then but since that period he wakes up every hour and a half. He's almost 14 months now. Getting a baby to sleep and not sleeping yourself is the perpetual battle.

If you're just having trouble actually getting them to the first sleep that'll get better. Keep a routine bed time. Dark room, white noise and snuggles help ours. He had a lot more fight in him around 4 months but now he's pretty great overall.

4 months is really just huge in brain development and feelings.

Interested Observer · Oct 17, 2019

Nephtes said:
We only have one four month old, so I imagine it might be a little different with two kiddos... but typically, when we get home at around 6pm, we feed her once at 7pm and then again at 10pm. We do our best to keep her awake and entertained from the time we get home and usually she passes right out at around 8:30-9pm. She barely wakes up for the 10pm feeding at all, and after that we just dump her in her crib unceremoniously in a sleep sack (a kind of weighted arms free swaddle). No rocking or anything, just right in the crib. And after that she's usually out cold till 7am.

Our routine is pretty similar to that, might try to put them down a little earlier than 830-9, but it just doesn't work.

As we speak one little guy is down (for now) and my wife is trying to settle the other. This is so tough :(

RDreamer said:
4 month sleep regression is such shit. Ours had manageable sleep until then but since that period he wakes up every hour and a half. He's almost 14 months now. Getting a baby to sleep and not sleeping yourself is the perpetual battle.

If you're just having trouble actually getting them to the first sleep that'll get better. Keep a routine bed time. Dark room, white noise and snuggles help ours. He had a lot more fight in him around 4 months but now he's pretty great overall.

4 months is really just huge in brain development and feelings.

Are you saying yours STILL wakes up every hour and a half at 14 months? Oh my god that sounds terrifying. I feel I could deal with nearly everything else if they'd just sleep.

Anno · Oct 17, 2019

Interested Observer said:
Are you saying yours STILL wakes up every hour and a half at 14 months? Oh my god that sounds terrifying. I feel I could deal with nearly everything else if they'd just sleep.

FWIW our daughter had issues around that age as well and then sometime during month 5 or 6 we did a weekend of sleep training and she's slept through all but one or two nights since then.

mercviper · Oct 17, 2019

Interested Observer said:
HOW do you get a 4 month old to bed at night. They (twins) just won't go down. No ability to self settle. I'm pacing the house at the moment with one in a harness. My entire life now is go to work, come home, try get babies to sleep, have broken sleep myself, go to work.

On the other end of the spectrum, my 4mo has more or less been sleeping from 7pm-7am since 11 weeks. I just have to feed her a bottle before bed and she's good. Slightly worried about when I have to wean her off the bedtime bottle but that's about it. The few times she has been fussy at bedtime have been twice when she had gas, which we've since solved with some mylicon, once when she started to be scared of the dark so we had to leave lights on and get night lights, and a couple times when the feeding schedules were a bit off and she was still too full and refusing the bottle.

RDreamer · Oct 17, 2019

Interested Observer said:
Are you saying yours STILL wakes up every hour and a half at 14 months? Oh my god that sounds terrifying. I feel I could deal with nearly everything else if they'd just sleep.

Yes and it's completely normal for them to sleep like trash like this sometimes until age 3 or so, especially when breast fed and not "sleep trained."

It's not remotely what I envisioned and it fucking sucks a lot. We average maybe 4 1/2 to 5 hours of sleep each while dedicating a fucking ton of time to it. My wife is about a thousand percent against sleep training, so it's an absolute no-go. But "sleep training" doesn't really work with a lot of children anyway and you have setbacks and have to redo and a lot of bullshit.

We're part of some parenting groups and yeah, children just don't sleep well until they're maybe 4 or 5 unless you're fucking lucky or ignore the hell out of them. It's just one of those things people don't talk about or say in the open so people fret and feel isolated and like they've got a non-ordinary baby.

CrudeDiatribe · Oct 17, 2019

I used to bounce my 4 month old to sleep listening to not-at-all peaceful music with a driving kick drum.

Monkeylord said:
Our youngest (1.5yo) is constantly taking off his shoes and slippers. We've almost lost shoes when out and about more times than I can count because he undoes the velcro, pulls them off and then just casually tosses them over the side of his pushchair as we're wandering down the street.

Another vote for leaving them off when he's not walking.

Chopchop · Oct 17, 2019

Interested Observer said:
Our routine is pretty similar to that, might try to put them down a little earlier than 830-9, but it just doesn't work.

As we speak one little guy is down (for now) and my wife is trying to settle the other. This is so tough :(

Are you saying yours STILL wakes up every hour and a half at 14 months? Oh my god that sounds terrifying. I feel I could deal with nearly everything else if they'd just sleep.

Sleeping is very much a "your mileage may vary" sort of thing. Some kids start sleeping through the night at six months. Others won't until 9 months. Some not until even later. It's fairly normal at 4 months for the kid to not really have a sleep schedule, but it becomes easier as they get older. And of course, with two kids it gets even harder because they can wake each other up.

If keeping the low sleep schedule is becoming harder to handle as the kid gets older, you might want to talk to your pediatrician for ideas, or look for a sleep doula. I didn't know that sleep doulas were a thing, but apparently someone I know had to find one for his kid because his kid would refuse to sleep unless on the lap of one parent or another, which meant neither could sleep for long each night. They had to take shifts every night. Apparently a sleep doula fixed that for them, though it was expensive.

My kid's nearly two and was never really sleep trained, but he started sleeping through the night somewhere between six and nine months, which is apparently fairly early. We were originally planning to do a gentler sleep training method called the chair method to get him to sleep. It involved putting the kid to bed, sitting down in a chair next to the kid, and then not engaging or rarely engaging with the kid until he fell asleep. As the kid gets more used to it, you slowly move the chair further and further away from the bed each night, until the chair (and you) are entirely out of the room.

We never followed through with most of that. What we ended up doing was having one parent put him to bed, then sit in the chair next to him, minimize interaction until he falls asleep, and then sneak out of the room. We've been doing that for about a year now, and it's gotten easier to sneak out each time. Sometimes we can just sit around for a few minutes and then leave, even if he's not fully asleep. So it's not really sleep training, but it seems to have become our nap/bedtime routine for him.

texhnolyze · Oct 21, 2019

My baby is still 3 months and a half, and luckily we don't really have much problem in getting him to sleep with a carrier. It's super challenging to make him sleep while lying on the bed though. He would just stare at me or looking around curiously (or worse, crying) instead of sleeping. Is it a bad habit to let the baby sleep in a carrier most of the time?

Something like this:

Interested Observer · Oct 21, 2019

texhnolyze said:
My baby is still 3 months and a half, and luckily we don't really have much problem in getting him to sleep with a carrier. It's super challenging to make him sleep while lying on the bed though. He would just stare at me or looking around curiously (or worse, crying) instead of sleeping. Is it a bad habit to let the baby sleep in a carrier most of the time?

Something like this:

We use them too during the day, get them (twins) to fall asleep in one and then carry gently put them down to sleep. I don't see why it's a bad habit.

texhnolyze · Oct 21, 2019

Interested Observer said:
We use them too during the day, get them (twins) to fall asleep in one and then carry gently put them down to sleep. I don't see why it's a bad habit.

Yes, just like that. After he falls asleep in the carrier, we will then lay him to the bed.

I was thinking that whether we should train him to sleep on the bed instead of the carrier or not.

WillyGubbins · Oct 21, 2019

texhnolyze said:
Yes, just like that. After he falls asleep in the carrier, we will then lay him to the bed.

I was thinking that whether we should train him to sleep on the bed instead of the carrier or not.

You might find that they will fall sleep more easily on the bed as they get older. That was our experience - a sling was great for getting them to sleep in the first 6-9 months and then as they got older they'd fall asleep on the bed no bother.

Interested Observer · Oct 21, 2019

texhnolyze said:
Yes, just like that. After he falls asleep in the carrier, we will then lay him to the bed.

I was thinking that whether we should train him to sleep on the bed instead of the carrier or not.

I think 3.5 months is probably a bit young for sleep training.

Poiyo · Oct 21, 2019

I did light sleep training at 4 months, which was putting baby on my bed besides me for naps and lightly patting him to sleep. Would usually take about 10 mins of fussing before he was out then I'd transfer to his crib. But I think I lucked out having a kid who sleeps decently.

I agree that 3.5 months is a bit early for sleep training. They still have erratic sleeping patterns at that age. It got much easier when my kid dropped to two naps I want to say around 7-8 months.

nekkid · Oct 22, 2019

My eldest son started school last month, and he's already had a kid push and today kick him, unprovoked (according to the teachers). They say they are dealing with it and speaking with his parents (he's got stuff that needs addressing as he lashes out a bit), but I'm not sure what my advice to my son should be.

This is a kid that my son calls his friend, but the first thing I said today is "don't play with him", really just singularly thinking about what's best for my son. But after I started to wonder whether that sort of attitude is screwing up the other kid - I'm sure kids ignoring him is not going to be helpful. Or is that really any of my concern?

Manicstreet · Oct 22, 2019

nekkid said:
My eldest son started school last month, and he's already had a kid push and today kick him, unprovoked (according to the teachers). They say they are dealing with it and speaking with his parents (he's got stuff that needs addressing as he lashes out a bit), but I'm not sure what my advice to my son should be.

This is a kid that my son calls his friend, but the first thing I said today is "don't play with him", really just singularly thinking about what's best for my son. But after I started to wonder whether that sort of attitude is screwing up the other kid - I'm sure kids ignoring him is not going to be helpful. Or is that really any of my concern?

Similar situation. My son came home yesterday and told me that another boy (a so called friend) said that no one likes him and he is stupid. I told my son the same thing as you. Do not play with him.

You can not control the other child so it shouldn't be of any concern to you. Do your best to take care of your son. That is my approach at least. If the other boy keeps hurting your son have the people at the school take care of it.

nekkid · Oct 22, 2019

Manicstreet said:
Similar situation. My son came home yesterday and told me that another boy (a so called friend) said that no one likes him and he is stupid. I told my son the same thing as you. Do not play with him.

You can not control the other child so it shouldn't be of any concern to you. Do your best to take care of your son. That is my approach at least. If the other boy keeps hurting your son have the people at the school take care of it.

"Take care of it" eh??

Yeah, I'm aware I'm overthinking it, but my gut reaction is that it isn't my problem if their kid is an asshole. If their kid is being an asshole to my son, though, that is my problem.

Just have to trust the school, at this point.

Manicstreet · Oct 22, 2019

nekkid said:
"Take care of it" eh??

Yeah, I'm aware I'm overthinking it, but my gut reaction is that it isn't my problem if their kid is an asshole. If their kid is being an asshole to my son, though, that is my problem.

Just have to trust the school, at this point.

Well, what do you think you can do to this child? Why is he going to listen to you? He is an asshole for a reason. Yes, please trust the school there are some wonderful teachers out there.

I use these moments to show my son how NOT to behave.

nekkid · Oct 22, 2019

Manicstreet said:
Well, what do you think you can do to this child? Why is he going to listen to you? He is an asshole for a reason. Yes, please trust the school there are some wonderful teachers out there.

I use these moments to show my son how NOT to behave.

Well I wasn't sure whether telling my son to steer clear was the right thing to do. For that kid or my son, tbh. I can't just blank everyone at work who I think is an asshole, for example.

Manicstreet · Oct 22, 2019

nekkid said:
Well I wasn't sure whether telling my son to steer clear was the right thing to do. For that kid or my son, tbh. I can't just blank everyone at work who I think is an asshole, for example.

True, but are you going to hang around with the people that are rude to you or are you going to interact with them as little as possible? I know that when I dont like someone or they don't like me I tend to steer clear.

Anyways, you do what YOU think is best for YOUR son. IMO I wouldn't worry about the other child. You have no control over them.

Chopchop · Oct 22, 2019

I agree that you can't control what the other kid does or what the teachers will do. What you can do is teach your kid how to react to such situations. Teachers are also hit or miss - some really will try to teach misbehaving kids how to do better, but some will also just tell everyone to stay away from each other so that they have less work to do. I was bullied as a kid, and saw the latter response a lot.

I think "don't play with that kid" may work immediately, but what's more important is teaching your kid why you came to that conclusion. You want your kid to learn how to judge these situations himself because it'll happen throughout life. I think if your kid sees this person as a friend, you may need to explain to your kid that if someone is hurting you on purpose over and over, then they are not your friend, even if you see them as one.

nekkid · Oct 22, 2019

Chopchop said:
I agree that you can't control what the other kid does or what the teachers will do. What you can do is teach your kid how to react to such situations. Teachers are also hit or miss - some really will try to teach misbehaving kids how to do better, but some will also just tell everyone to stay away from each other so that they have less work to do. I was bullied as a kid, and saw the latter response a lot.

I think "don't play with that kid" may work immediately, but what's more important is teaching your kid why you came to that conclusion. You want your kid to learn how to judge these situations himself because it'll happen throughout life. I think if your kid sees this person as a friend, you may need to explain to your kid that if someone is hurting you on purpose over and over, then they are not your friend, even if you see them as one.

Yeah that was the first thing I said: "someone who does that isn't really your friend".

The Albatross · Oct 23, 2019

nekkid said:
My eldest son started school last month, and he's already had a kid push and today kick him, unprovoked (according to the teachers). They say they are dealing with it and speaking with his parents (he's got stuff that needs addressing as he lashes out a bit), but I'm not sure what my advice to my son should be.

This is a kid that my son calls his friend, but the first thing I said today is "don't play with him", really just singularly thinking about what's best for my son. But after I started to wonder whether that sort of attitude is screwing up the other kid - I'm sure kids ignoring him is not going to be helpful. Or is that really any of my concern?

I wouldn't stress about how the aggressor is going to feel when there are social ramifications to his aggression to other kids (your kid), that's something for the adjustment counselors, teachers, and other administrators to work with that kid's parents and the aggressive kid on, not a responsibility for you or your kid.

Nephtes · Oct 23, 2019

Ugggggh... 4 month old got kicked out of daycare Monday with 99.1 degree fever. It went to 100.1 by Monday night. Gave her Tylenol and like magic, no fever 2 hours later.

Daycare says we have to keep her out 24 hours. So I take off work Tuesday to stay home with her. Called the doctor and they're like "did the fever come back? Nah you're good you don't need to come in." She's fine all day. ALL DAY. No fever.

This morning she wakes up with 102.7 fever. We bring her to the doctor, "yeah this is a typical ear infection, y'all should have brought her in yesterday." 🤨

Now she has to stay home the rest of the week and my boss is pissed I have to take off all this time despite having perfect attendance the last 4 years.

Million dollar idea: Sick Daycare.
Daycare for kids too sick to go to regular daycare.

GiJose · Oct 23, 2019

why does she have to stay home the rest of the week? ear infections aren't contagious

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