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DrForester

Mod of the Year 2006
Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,645
They forgot the satire


WASHINGTON—Noting the former congressman's deep, unwavering commitment to shying away from every one of his civic responsibilities, the Heritage Foundation lauded Paul Ryan Thursday for inspiring millions of young gutless fucking cowards to take on leadership roles. "Thank you, Mr. Ryan, for showing countless milquetoast little weaklings across the United States that if they want a place in politics, they can have it," said Heritage Foundation spokesperson Katherine Primm, adding that she was grateful so many young candy-ass pushovers had the chance to see someone just like them not just get elected but also become speaker of the House. "Before Paul Ryan, you'd never see a spineless coward taking charge, but now, faint-of-heart boys and girls will finally have the determination to become leaders and then cower in front of more powerful people and bend to their will. Before, it was just the brave who led—but thankfully, that era is behind us forever."At press time, thousands of newly inspired chickenshit Americans had reportedly begun fundraising for congressional runs in 2020.
 

FaceHugger

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
13,949
USA
The Onion more often than not slices right through the layers of bullshit and delivers the real story when it comes to politics.
 

Buzzman

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
1,549
I'm sensing a slight tone of hostility from the Onion here.
 

cameron

The Fallen
Oct 26, 2017
23,807






Ron Charles @RonCharles

"Ryan depicts Trump as uneducated about the government. 'He didn't know anything about government.' Ryan says he sees the presidency getting worse, with Trump determined to govern and campaign on his terms." https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/new-book-details-how-republican-leaders-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-trump/2019/07/10/be75eff8-a27d-11e9-b7b4-95e30869bd15_story.html …

12:25 PM - Jul 11, 2019


Kyle Griffin @kylegriffin1

Paul Ryan: "We've gotten so numbed ... Not in government, but where we live our lives, we have a responsibility to try and rebuild. Don't call a woman a 'horse face.' Don't cheat on your wife. Don't cheat on anything. Be a good person. Set a good example." https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/new-book-details-how-republican-leaders-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-trump/2019/07/10/be75eff8-a27d-11e9-b7b4-95e30869bd15_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.9558317404ee …

11:45 AM - Jul 11, 2019


VANITY FAIR @VanityFair

Paul Ryan said he viewed his retirement as an "escape hatch" to get away from Trump, who he "wanted to scold...all the time" http://vntyfr.com/hqFwVpe

8:21 PM - Jul 11, 2019
 

Slayven

Never read a comic in his life
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
93,025






Ron Charles @RonCharles

"Ryan depicts Trump as uneducated about the government. 'He didn't know anything about government.' Ryan says he sees the presidency getting worse, with Trump determined to govern and campaign on his terms." https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/new-book-details-how-republican-leaders-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-trump/2019/07/10/be75eff8-a27d-11e9-b7b4-95e30869bd15_story.html …

12:25 PM - Jul 11, 2019


Kyle Griffin @kylegriffin1

Paul Ryan: "We've gotten so numbed ... Not in government, but where we live our lives, we have a responsibility to try and rebuild. Don't call a woman a 'horse face.' Don't cheat on your wife. Don't cheat on anything. Be a good person. Set a good example." https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/new-book-details-how-republican-leaders-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-trump/2019/07/10/be75eff8-a27d-11e9-b7b4-95e30869bd15_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.9558317404ee …

11:45 AM - Jul 11, 2019


VANITY FAIR @VanityFair

Paul Ryan said he viewed his retirement as an "escape hatch" to get away from Trump, who he "wanted to scold...all the time" http://vntyfr.com/hqFwVpe

8:21 PM - Jul 11, 2019

And yet he backed Trump at every turn and cosign everything
 

devenger

The Fallen
Oct 29, 2017
2,734
Weird how you read enough Onion and can recognize it immediately. Not just satire, Oniony.

I really only came for his workout pics, makes me laugh every time.
 
Oct 27, 2017
3,441






Ron Charles @RonCharles

"Ryan depicts Trump as uneducated about the government. 'He didn't know anything about government.' Ryan says he sees the presidency getting worse, with Trump determined to govern and campaign on his terms." https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/new-book-details-how-republican-leaders-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-trump/2019/07/10/be75eff8-a27d-11e9-b7b4-95e30869bd15_story.html …

12:25 PM - Jul 11, 2019


Kyle Griffin @kylegriffin1

Paul Ryan: "We've gotten so numbed ... Not in government, but where we live our lives, we have a responsibility to try and rebuild. Don't call a woman a 'horse face.' Don't cheat on your wife. Don't cheat on anything. Be a good person. Set a good example." https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/new-book-details-how-republican-leaders-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-trump/2019/07/10/be75eff8-a27d-11e9-b7b4-95e30869bd15_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.9558317404ee …

11:45 AM - Jul 11, 2019


VANITY FAIR @VanityFair

Paul Ryan said he viewed his retirement as an "escape hatch" to get away from Trump, who he "wanted to scold...all the time" http://vntyfr.com/hqFwVpe

8:21 PM - Jul 11, 2019

this fucker right here
 

cameron

The Fallen
Oct 26, 2017
23,807




Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump

Paul Ryan, the failed V.P. candidate & former Speaker of the House, whose record of achievement was atrocious (except during my first two years as President), ultimately became a long running lame duck failure, leaving his Party in the lurch both as a fundraiser & leader......

....When Mitt chose Paul I told people that's the end of that Presidential run. He quit Congress because he didn't know how to Win. They gave me standing O's in the Great State of Wisconsin, & booed him off the stage. He promised me the Wall, & failed (happening anyway!)......

....He had the Majority & blew it away with his poor leadership and bad timing. Never knew how to go after the Dems like they go after us. Couldn't get him out of Congress fast enough!

11:10 PM - Jul 11, 2019

April 2018:


Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump

Speaker Paul Ryan is a truly good man, and while he will not be seeking re-election, he will leave a legacy of achievement that nobody can question. We are with you Paul!

9:50 AM - Apr 11, 2018
 

Dekim

Member
Oct 28, 2017
4,300
Why do these motherfuckers always "discover" their spine the second they leave office? And why do they think we want to pay them money to hear/read how fucking cowardly and feckless they were when they were in a position to do something?
 

DanGo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,738
Paul Ryan, like all the rest, only dislikes that Trump pulled the veil further off of their vile policies.
 

Christian

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,636






Ron Charles @RonCharles

"Ryan depicts Trump as uneducated about the government. 'He didn't know anything about government.' Ryan says he sees the presidency getting worse, with Trump determined to govern and campaign on his terms." https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/new-book-details-how-republican-leaders-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-trump/2019/07/10/be75eff8-a27d-11e9-b7b4-95e30869bd15_story.html …

12:25 PM - Jul 11, 2019


Kyle Griffin @kylegriffin1

Paul Ryan: "We've gotten so numbed ... Not in government, but where we live our lives, we have a responsibility to try and rebuild. Don't call a woman a 'horse face.' Don't cheat on your wife. Don't cheat on anything. Be a good person. Set a good example." https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/new-book-details-how-republican-leaders-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-trump/2019/07/10/be75eff8-a27d-11e9-b7b4-95e30869bd15_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.9558317404ee …

11:45 AM - Jul 11, 2019


VANITY FAIR @VanityFair

Paul Ryan said he viewed his retirement as an "escape hatch" to get away from Trump, who he "wanted to scold...all the time" http://vntyfr.com/hqFwVpe

8:21 PM - Jul 11, 2019

merlin_121637357_e0ee9641-bca7-44f4-a56e-6e86a9e1a0e2-articleLarge.jpg
 

MrSaturn99

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,450
I live in a giant bucket.




Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump

Paul Ryan, the failed V.P. candidate & former Speaker of the House, whose record of achievement was atrocious (except during my first two years as President), ultimately became a long running lame duck failure, leaving his Party in the lurch both as a fundraiser & leader......

....When Mitt chose Paul I told people that's the end of that Presidential run. He quit Congress because he didn't know how to Win. They gave me standing O's in the Great State of Wisconsin, & booed him off the stage. He promised me the Wall, & failed (happening anyway!)......

....He had the Majority & blew it away with his poor leadership and bad timing. Never knew how to go after the Dems like they go after us. Couldn't get him out of Congress fast enough!

11:10 PM - Jul 11, 2019

April 2018:


Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump

Speaker Paul Ryan is a truly good man, and while he will not be seeking re-election, he will leave a legacy of achievement that nobody can question. We are with you Paul!

9:50 AM - Apr 11, 2018


C-658VsXoAo3ovC.jpg
 

Ganransu

Member
Nov 21, 2017
1,270
And yet he backed Trump at every turn and cosign everything
Oh come on, you're being too harsh! He may have cosigned everything Trump wants, but you know now that in his heart, he hated all that! He's the good guy that almost stopped Trump, but didn't, but he really wanted to!

It's the thought that counts!
 

Slayven

Never read a comic in his life
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
93,025
Think about it, Paul Ryan was setup as the future of the GOP. He was being groomed for the white house. Now he has to settle for being a highly paid consultant and lobbist. It doesn't sound like an punishment, but for a guy like Ryan, that shit has to burn especially seeing how he literally fell(failed?) into the Speaker job





Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump

Paul Ryan, the failed V.P. candidate & former Speaker of the House, whose record of achievement was atrocious (except during my first two years as President), ultimately became a long running lame duck failure, leaving his Party in the lurch both as a fundraiser & leader......

....When Mitt chose Paul I told people that's the end of that Presidential run. He quit Congress because he didn't know how to Win. They gave me standing O's in the Great State of Wisconsin, & booed him off the stage. He promised me the Wall, & failed (happening anyway!)......

....He had the Majority & blew it away with his poor leadership and bad timing. Never knew how to go after the Dems like they go after us. Couldn't get him out of Congress fast enough!

11:10 PM - Jul 11, 2019

April 2018:


Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump

Speaker Paul Ryan is a truly good man, and while he will not be seeking re-election, he will leave a legacy of achievement that nobody can question. We are with you Paul!

9:50 AM - Apr 11, 2018

the petty.