After the Last Page Dongs Macabre
I thought this was a really interesting story. It was that I've wanted to see in the hero genre. Ive always wonder what a story can be when the usual powerful all perfect fighting only for truth and justice type hero vanishes and seeing how the world would be without them. I really enjoyed the round table discussion part and the aftermath/implications later on.
I think the Light - Guiding Light - Knight Light was a bit at times unclear, especially too when there was a lowercase light too.
Defenders Ursus007
It always takes me a while to get into a story set in first person, the same ended up being true here. I I think I need something there that would really make me connect with the character at the beginning. I think the issue here was that we were tossed right into a war which made it hard to connect and feel immersed.
However, I think the story really took off once we made it to the 2nd half. At that point I felt like I deeply connected with Arthur. He seemed really well done easily ranking as the best written character in your story.
The inspirational speech by their sergeant was actually amazing and even almost made me feel inspired. I wanted to cheer for them and have them make it through.
Good overall
The Last Hero John Dunbar
This was an very Interesting take on Judas character and one that I've never actually encountered in fiction in such a way. He served as an interesting guide and voice for Anselm.
I found Anselm's perceived innocence very nice...but I do wish we had known what he had done. I think if we knew it could have really made the story a bit more impactful, especially with knowing that there are people there who knew what they did in their previous life.
Otherwise compelling premise an an interesting thought experiment on the afterlife from a Christian pov.
The Call Mike
I cant believe vanity phone number generators are real. I actually did go look it up on the web to see if you were making it up and if such a thing existed. It so fun.
The main character ended up being one of the more unique ones among all entries and not just because of his hallucination and potential anxieties but also his earnest and curiosity to try to check it out and do the perceived right thing. Conner really deserves happiness and joy however I was sad that he is now so into it that the barrier between fact and fiction has nearly vanished.
I almost thought the doctor was going to say it was part of some type of superhero scheme or something, (though I was hoping the story would not go there and keep it grounded).
I always think such leads are just not pursued much in writing that I've encountered which is unfortunate.
Refreshing story.
Blue Thunder UCBooties
I never saw that ending coming. I feel so strange that I might have missed some of the details leading up to it from the beginning. Rereading it it seemed that stomach noises that I thought seemed to be odd things to note, and maybe even how knowledgable the protagonist was should have sent off the alarms.
Blue Thunder was precious and would easily be my favorite character if this were a bigger thing. Im sad that even after doing something so heroic he had to be absorbed. He was such a promising youthful upstart even if nervous. Why you do that to him!
Nice world and nice take on the super hero genre.
Inferno adj_noun
I think I might have gotten lost in a little of this. For example it felt like there was a sentence or even a paragraph missing. In one moment Chuck was outside the caution tape, then he described the accountant, then next he was at the boy? Problem a minor misunderstand or a misread on my part. Also there were a few missing "he's" etc in places, and also "No standing O had ever sounded so good"? "O"?
Beyond that it was a really good hero story. I love happy endings but this was, well it felt like twice in his life he was litrally right there to be the hero for someone, but at the final moment something instead took the attention and the credit (flying woman in the video at the wrestling show, even though he was a god to the kid, and then in the end how he was so close to the end with saving the boy and reaching the safe zone but collapsed and this lame dude took the boy and the credit probably).
Paper Heroes Rivenblade
Wow for a story with IRL people I never heard of, this was really good and interesting. I think I can relate with the trading cards and the pure innocence of grade schoolers bringing their cards to school and trading and comparing them with each other was entertaining. I really like all the character's antics and their snippets of personality. The scene when they were waiting to see what was under the other card in the sleeve was amazing.
New Growth W-00
I thought this sounded like a good story to perhaps have for Arbor day. I like the story on the level of the starting new life from that which was burned down, but too bad it didnt translate to the jewels that were mined and taken.
I connected with the girl a lot and share the same sentiment as her about the conclusion of what the British man did.
Gentlemen Xagarath
The story had plenty of potential that almost felt like it was fully tapped. If it had been a bit longer and a bit more detailed with more character interactions then I think it would have been extremely fun.
I did have a good laugh at Robert at the end there and seeing him fall victim to their plotting.
His Godless West Ashes
With so much bad happening to Imtiaz I wondered if he would ever get a good end but I guess you didnt want him to have one. Shame about the pub owners at the end.
The part where he seemed to judge Rashid just based on his skin and assumed without knowing his education was a really well done part.
Too sad.
A vow of unrelenting violence FlowersisBritish
There was a line, kicking up dirt with each broken bone, which Im struggling to visualize. Maybe it was too simplified of a description.
Storywise, really good and great fantasy with magic. Would have liked Mission didnt have a saber, I dont like sabers anymore because it reminds me too much of Saber (Fate, awful character, sorry).
Chiel ended up being my favorite as he seemed more cunning and calculating and experimental in everything, while Chiel seemed a bit less developed and explored in that regard. So, it ended up being, me wanting to see Chiel succeed.
I also do wish we had a bit more on why Chiel had become a murdered, what was his motive and what drove him to go from hero to murderer.
Heromaker Nezumi
Darn did Reky die? I was all really cheering him on that he would finally get to be the hero he wanted to be, not become so dulled with battle sense that he got off'd perhaps by another Hero.
I like your way of describing the battle and moves.
I thought this was a really interesting story. It was that I've wanted to see in the hero genre. Ive always wonder what a story can be when the usual powerful all perfect fighting only for truth and justice type hero vanishes and seeing how the world would be without them. I really enjoyed the round table discussion part and the aftermath/implications later on.
I think the Light - Guiding Light - Knight Light was a bit at times unclear, especially too when there was a lowercase light too.
Defenders Ursus007
It always takes me a while to get into a story set in first person, the same ended up being true here. I I think I need something there that would really make me connect with the character at the beginning. I think the issue here was that we were tossed right into a war which made it hard to connect and feel immersed.
However, I think the story really took off once we made it to the 2nd half. At that point I felt like I deeply connected with Arthur. He seemed really well done easily ranking as the best written character in your story.
The inspirational speech by their sergeant was actually amazing and even almost made me feel inspired. I wanted to cheer for them and have them make it through.
Good overall
The Last Hero John Dunbar
This was an very Interesting take on Judas character and one that I've never actually encountered in fiction in such a way. He served as an interesting guide and voice for Anselm.
I found Anselm's perceived innocence very nice...but I do wish we had known what he had done. I think if we knew it could have really made the story a bit more impactful, especially with knowing that there are people there who knew what they did in their previous life.
Otherwise compelling premise an an interesting thought experiment on the afterlife from a Christian pov.
The Call Mike
I cant believe vanity phone number generators are real. I actually did go look it up on the web to see if you were making it up and if such a thing existed. It so fun.
The main character ended up being one of the more unique ones among all entries and not just because of his hallucination and potential anxieties but also his earnest and curiosity to try to check it out and do the perceived right thing. Conner really deserves happiness and joy however I was sad that he is now so into it that the barrier between fact and fiction has nearly vanished.
I almost thought the doctor was going to say it was part of some type of superhero scheme or something, (though I was hoping the story would not go there and keep it grounded).
I always think such leads are just not pursued much in writing that I've encountered which is unfortunate.
Refreshing story.
Blue Thunder UCBooties
I never saw that ending coming. I feel so strange that I might have missed some of the details leading up to it from the beginning. Rereading it it seemed that stomach noises that I thought seemed to be odd things to note, and maybe even how knowledgable the protagonist was should have sent off the alarms.
Blue Thunder was precious and would easily be my favorite character if this were a bigger thing. Im sad that even after doing something so heroic he had to be absorbed. He was such a promising youthful upstart even if nervous. Why you do that to him!
Nice world and nice take on the super hero genre.
Inferno adj_noun
I think I might have gotten lost in a little of this. For example it felt like there was a sentence or even a paragraph missing. In one moment Chuck was outside the caution tape, then he described the accountant, then next he was at the boy? Problem a minor misunderstand or a misread on my part. Also there were a few missing "he's" etc in places, and also "No standing O had ever sounded so good"? "O"?
Beyond that it was a really good hero story. I love happy endings but this was, well it felt like twice in his life he was litrally right there to be the hero for someone, but at the final moment something instead took the attention and the credit (flying woman in the video at the wrestling show, even though he was a god to the kid, and then in the end how he was so close to the end with saving the boy and reaching the safe zone but collapsed and this lame dude took the boy and the credit probably).
Paper Heroes Rivenblade
Wow for a story with IRL people I never heard of, this was really good and interesting. I think I can relate with the trading cards and the pure innocence of grade schoolers bringing their cards to school and trading and comparing them with each other was entertaining. I really like all the character's antics and their snippets of personality. The scene when they were waiting to see what was under the other card in the sleeve was amazing.
New Growth W-00
I thought this sounded like a good story to perhaps have for Arbor day. I like the story on the level of the starting new life from that which was burned down, but too bad it didnt translate to the jewels that were mined and taken.
I connected with the girl a lot and share the same sentiment as her about the conclusion of what the British man did.
Gentlemen Xagarath
The story had plenty of potential that almost felt like it was fully tapped. If it had been a bit longer and a bit more detailed with more character interactions then I think it would have been extremely fun.
I did have a good laugh at Robert at the end there and seeing him fall victim to their plotting.
His Godless West Ashes
With so much bad happening to Imtiaz I wondered if he would ever get a good end but I guess you didnt want him to have one. Shame about the pub owners at the end.
The part where he seemed to judge Rashid just based on his skin and assumed without knowing his education was a really well done part.
Too sad.
A vow of unrelenting violence FlowersisBritish
There was a line, kicking up dirt with each broken bone, which Im struggling to visualize. Maybe it was too simplified of a description.
Storywise, really good and great fantasy with magic. Would have liked Mission didnt have a saber, I dont like sabers anymore because it reminds me too much of Saber (Fate, awful character, sorry).
Chiel ended up being my favorite as he seemed more cunning and calculating and experimental in everything, while Chiel seemed a bit less developed and explored in that regard. So, it ended up being, me wanting to see Chiel succeed.
I also do wish we had a bit more on why Chiel had become a murdered, what was his motive and what drove him to go from hero to murderer.
Heromaker Nezumi
Darn did Reky die? I was all really cheering him on that he would finally get to be the hero he wanted to be, not become so dulled with battle sense that he got off'd perhaps by another Hero.
I like your way of describing the battle and moves.
