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RE Creative Writing Challenge #015: Surrealism
- Thread starter FlowersisBritish
- Start date
If you squint and have good imagination maybe you can see a gram of as surrealism in mine, maybe.
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Nevermind. How can I possibly continue with my terrible idea when there are such stellar ones right above this post.
At this point I've just been jotting down surreal moments as they come to me. Hopefully can actually make headway on the story tonight. Lord knows if this is going to be cohesive at all. Few little tangents off this idea I've trimmed off to save for other stories.
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Ooooooo, writing down some surreal irl moments is a clever idea. Maybe instead of writing fiction I'll write some non-fiction cause weird stuff has happened in my life
This one time, at band camp.
Flowers played Ghost Trick and then I realized it was nothing but a dream :(
i'm at 6698 words for this week right now. None of them credited towards this. I might for the heck of it try to clean up my little song and post it as a non entry for the heck of it if I finish my normal writing.
it's alright to write at whatever speed you write at.
Just because someone else can do 900 in 30 min doesn't mean it's bad you can't or that their words are any good :P
I was averaging 2k words per hour for the first 4 hours of nano last year lol.
Actually, I wasn't even counting that, I'd completely forgotten. So closer to 13K, I guess.
EDIT: OK, tabulating everything I wrote from Sunday to today, I'm at just a hair over 16K. Frankly, that's a completely bonkers total for me, I typically am nowhere near that.
I think that's pretty much my peak output if I know exactly where I'm going with something. That's part of why I'm so extensive in my outlining, I tend to work out problems in scenes during that phase so I can just expand what I already have down.
I remember an episode of Writing Excuses where Dan said his outlines are where he does his "pantsing" and are essentially so built out that you could call it a first draft. That's pretty much how I do it too.
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Got a first draft, hate it, so now I'm going to completely rewrite it cause I'm feeling extra today. Hope everyone else is feeling just as extra!
One day! And by one day I mean multiple days in the far off future because I am slow at getting to things. My best friend has been pestering me to watch Black Sails for like two years now and I still haven't gotten around to it.
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Well no one can say I didn't try with all of you. I even put a weird picture in the OP damn it!
#title: The Black Hole in the Corner of my Bedroom
I'm gonna be honest, I think I should have just doubled down on my first #entry instead of this but oh well, it's been a hectic week for me.
#title: The Black Hole in the Corner of my Bedroom
I'm gonna be honest, I think I should have just doubled down on my first #entry instead of this but oh well, it's been a hectic week for me.
#title: A Guest in the Kitchen
#entry
Looks like I managed to get something together just in time.
EDIT:
#entry
Looks like I managed to get something together just in time.
EDIT:
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#title: Bandersnatch
wc: 2121
#entry
Super late so I throw myself at the mercy of the grace period. Passed out last night trying to finish but got it done this morning. Though I adore surrealism, my interpretation of what it does and why, may be lacking due to a debt of study.
wc: 2121
#entry
Super late so I throw myself at the mercy of the grace period. Passed out last night trying to finish but got it done this morning. Though I adore surrealism, my interpretation of what it does and why, may be lacking due to a debt of study.
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Entries:
kingofrod - untitled
Mike - The Lineage of Kings
FlowersisBritish - The Black Hole in the Corner of my Bedroom
MilkBeard - A Guest in the Kitchen
Dedication Through Light - The Pencil
Midramble - Bandersnatch
kingofrod - untitled
Mike - The Lineage of Kings
FlowersisBritish - The Black Hole in the Corner of my Bedroom
MilkBeard - A Guest in the Kitchen
Dedication Through Light - The Pencil
Midramble - Bandersnatch
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#title: Odd Meetings
wc: 346
#entry
It's really late, but I figure I'll include the entry formatting in case it would make it in spite of that (but it probably won't. But it's in, so I still accomplished something with my life). This is likely to be the shortest to be posted in this thread, and it's not overtly surreal, but I like it. It's a bit of an experiment.
Password below:
wc: 346
#entry
It's really late, but I figure I'll include the entry formatting in case it would make it in spite of that (but it probably won't. But it's in, so I still accomplished something with my life). This is likely to be the shortest to be posted in this thread, and it's not overtly surreal, but I like it. It's a bit of an experiment.
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At least myself and one other has read them all. There may be others. Writing up feedback now.
Also trying to cook a smoked seafood bisque.
I'm just going to throw this thought out there.
but given the reduced entries, and increased number of people fighting the grace period...
what if the CWC was a monthly thing? Where the story portion is the first 3 weeks of a month (as in days 1-21.) and the voting period is the end of the month.
Remove the grace period completely. if people miss the cutoff they just can't enter. with the extra time ideally it wouldn't be needed. or alternatively given the extended reading period the thread could have less issues with the grace period stuff. (though if you did this this time it could be more like 3-23. that still leaves the week to read)
it's just my thoughts as it seems like people are struggling more and more to get it done in time. It would also potentially allow for two google hangouts to get things done. And with the extended reading period it won't be so much of a rush to read things.
The reading is one of the main issues for me. I have no time to read on friday or saturday period. sunday I also often work and have friends over late, so the first time I can read stuff is sunday night, only if I don't work monday morning, and it's not typically the thing I want to do after the weekends I have, especially since I typically have to get my writing done for the day on sundays at some point.
the rest of the month to vote would mean less pressure to read things right away, and less excuses for why you don't have time to do it in general. I still likely wouldn't participate in many of them. But with a bit more time entering something and reading stories and giving feedback would be more feasible for me. It would also hurt less when my end product is crap because I won't have to stretch myself to my absolute limits to get one done.
I would in general prefer if the entries didn't get any longer even with more time though. though 10 5k word entries with a full week to read them would be easier than 10 2.5k enties to read over the weekend right now.
but given the reduced entries, and increased number of people fighting the grace period...
what if the CWC was a monthly thing? Where the story portion is the first 3 weeks of a month (as in days 1-21.) and the voting period is the end of the month.
Remove the grace period completely. if people miss the cutoff they just can't enter. with the extra time ideally it wouldn't be needed. or alternatively given the extended reading period the thread could have less issues with the grace period stuff. (though if you did this this time it could be more like 3-23. that still leaves the week to read)
it's just my thoughts as it seems like people are struggling more and more to get it done in time. It would also potentially allow for two google hangouts to get things done. And with the extended reading period it won't be so much of a rush to read things.
The reading is one of the main issues for me. I have no time to read on friday or saturday period. sunday I also often work and have friends over late, so the first time I can read stuff is sunday night, only if I don't work monday morning, and it's not typically the thing I want to do after the weekends I have, especially since I typically have to get my writing done for the day on sundays at some point.
the rest of the month to vote would mean less pressure to read things right away, and less excuses for why you don't have time to do it in general. I still likely wouldn't participate in many of them. But with a bit more time entering something and reading stories and giving feedback would be more feasible for me. It would also hurt less when my end product is crap because I won't have to stretch myself to my absolute limits to get one done.
I would in general prefer if the entries didn't get any longer even with more time though. though 10 5k word entries with a full week to read them would be easier than 10 2.5k enties to read over the weekend right now.
I can only speak for myself, but I know for a fact that even if the challenges were to run just twice a year, I'd still be fighting the grace period :D
So, no I'm all for keeping the current format.
So, no I'm all for keeping the current format.
I haven't known you for that long but...
I fully believe you :P
to be fair I figure most people will want to keep it as it currently is at it helps push them.
I'm the weirdo that can continue to work on things without hard deadlines and finish CWC well in advance when I enter them and just spend time editing them.
I prefer normal. I think outside forces will always exist no matter the frequency.
Feedback!
kingofrod:
I liked this, though I do think it felt a bit like two separate stories mashed together, as the ending felt almost a bit tucked on. Which is a shame because the premise of those last few paragraphs is really cool and I almost hope you explore it a bit more in the future.
Funny enough, as soon as you mentioned a movie with "a group of bunnies" on the cover, I thought, "shit, he's gonna traumatize his grandson with Watership Down, isn't he?", so your last line made me chuckle.
Mike:
I really only vaguely remember the first story you wrote about the bird curse, not that I think that it would have mattered much here. I do remember you mentioning that you thought your beginning was overstaying it's welcome and I have to agree that it does, since it is really just one big info dump.
This might make for a good prologue but I'm not sure it works as a standalone short story.
Flowers:
I really liked the beginning of this, with her contemplating and talking to the hole (especially the bit about having to shout because . It started to fell a bit flat for me after she leaves the apartment. I think my biggest gripe was that I didn't quite buy her being old from her internal dialogue.
The foreshadowing to the ending was done well though.
MilkBeard:
I was worried there for a moment, because I'm terribly arachnophobic.
I just wasn't really sure what is going on here, which I guess is fine since the theme was surrealism, but I had trouble understanding why exactly the woman was the only one so bothered by the spider and why she turned into spiders at the end.
DTL:
I feel like this was the third or fourth story I've read from you that started with two people in bed and one of them suddenly getting up in a hurry because they are late, so right out of the gate that kind of bothered me. It doesn't get better when your protagonist starts to stumble about the place in a somewhat forced attempt of comedy. Why would a college student have Lego bricks lying around in the first place?
The rest of the story doesn't really do much for me either. It's just weird how he simply accepts the fact that his boyfriend apparently gave him a magic pencil, one might think he'd at least be somewhat curious about that.
The twist at the ending might have worked if you had just stopped at the revelation that he was an idiot that used the wrong pencil, but you added the piece about writing the email which ultimately leads to the story just feeling incomplete.
Aside from that there were also some minor stylistic problems like repetition of words in consecutive sentences.
I honestly think that maybe you should spice up your normal manga and light novel reading habits with something entirely different every now and then to broaden your understanding of story telling a little bit.
midramble:
Kudos for being probably the only one who nailed the surrealism, even if it made your story hard to follow on the end.
Some great descriptions and I liked how you implemented a lot of the dream stuff we talked about during the hangout.
Eternal Song:
This not being written in proper verse form bothered me to no end :D
Would have wished that it had a bit more of conflict, since there doesn't really happen much besides your protagonist having a pleasant chat with a stranger.
NezuMe:
I had a lot of trouble finding the right voice for this one. In my first attempt I wanted the A.I. to sound a lot more technical but wasn't able to pull it off so I just went full blown anthropomorphic instead. I had also planned to spent more time with some of the town folk but after starting over several times I had simply no time left.
I also sacrificed even the small bit of surrealism I had planned (the camera was to have full blown hallucinations after glitching) but again, not enough time and I felt that it wouldn't have fitted the tone of the story anymore.
Votes:
1.) kingofrod
2.) midramble
3.) Flowers
kingofrod:
I liked this, though I do think it felt a bit like two separate stories mashed together, as the ending felt almost a bit tucked on. Which is a shame because the premise of those last few paragraphs is really cool and I almost hope you explore it a bit more in the future.
Funny enough, as soon as you mentioned a movie with "a group of bunnies" on the cover, I thought, "shit, he's gonna traumatize his grandson with Watership Down, isn't he?", so your last line made me chuckle.
Mike:
I really only vaguely remember the first story you wrote about the bird curse, not that I think that it would have mattered much here. I do remember you mentioning that you thought your beginning was overstaying it's welcome and I have to agree that it does, since it is really just one big info dump.
This might make for a good prologue but I'm not sure it works as a standalone short story.
Flowers:
I really liked the beginning of this, with her contemplating and talking to the hole (especially the bit about having to shout because . It started to fell a bit flat for me after she leaves the apartment. I think my biggest gripe was that I didn't quite buy her being old from her internal dialogue.
The foreshadowing to the ending was done well though.
MilkBeard:
I was worried there for a moment, because I'm terribly arachnophobic.
I just wasn't really sure what is going on here, which I guess is fine since the theme was surrealism, but I had trouble understanding why exactly the woman was the only one so bothered by the spider and why she turned into spiders at the end.
DTL:
I feel like this was the third or fourth story I've read from you that started with two people in bed and one of them suddenly getting up in a hurry because they are late, so right out of the gate that kind of bothered me. It doesn't get better when your protagonist starts to stumble about the place in a somewhat forced attempt of comedy. Why would a college student have Lego bricks lying around in the first place?
The rest of the story doesn't really do much for me either. It's just weird how he simply accepts the fact that his boyfriend apparently gave him a magic pencil, one might think he'd at least be somewhat curious about that.
The twist at the ending might have worked if you had just stopped at the revelation that he was an idiot that used the wrong pencil, but you added the piece about writing the email which ultimately leads to the story just feeling incomplete.
Aside from that there were also some minor stylistic problems like repetition of words in consecutive sentences.
I honestly think that maybe you should spice up your normal manga and light novel reading habits with something entirely different every now and then to broaden your understanding of story telling a little bit.
midramble:
Kudos for being probably the only one who nailed the surrealism, even if it made your story hard to follow on the end.
Some great descriptions and I liked how you implemented a lot of the dream stuff we talked about during the hangout.
Eternal Song:
This not being written in proper verse form bothered me to no end :D
Would have wished that it had a bit more of conflict, since there doesn't really happen much besides your protagonist having a pleasant chat with a stranger.
NezuMe:
I had a lot of trouble finding the right voice for this one. In my first attempt I wanted the A.I. to sound a lot more technical but wasn't able to pull it off so I just went full blown anthropomorphic instead. I had also planned to spent more time with some of the town folk but after starting over several times I had simply no time left.
I also sacrificed even the small bit of surrealism I had planned (the camera was to have full blown hallucinations after glitching) but again, not enough time and I felt that it wouldn't have fitted the tone of the story anymore.
Votes:
1.) kingofrod
2.) midramble
3.) Flowers
What? LEGOs are still a part of some college subcultures, you didnt buy any as part of your college experience or be in a LEGO club?
Thanks for reading, was really stuck on how to end this, I was thinking of ending it there, but I did want to give it a tiny big of a somewhat hopeful ending, also was totally inspired by one of my bad early college final exam experiences
kingofred: The first part had some real satire potential, but I don't think the swerve into it really being about displaced mythical forest beasts living wherever they can find room did the story any favors. Taken individually, "artificial trees have replaced natural ones but no one really minds" and "destruction of natural habitat has driven mythical creatures to live in Wal Mart" are strong premises, but putting them together results in one pulling focus and attention away from the other. I don't know how much you follow up on things you've already written, but I'd say split this in two and flesh them both out to see what happens.
Mike: Not going to lie, my thoughts and attention have been elsewhere for the past couple of weeks. This didn't begin life as an entry in the first place, but then a narrator kind of arose from the natural flow where I hadn't intended and I got to thinking, "Well, the narrator is unreliable, and it's all kind of weird, so maybe it'll work." Not anywhere near my best, but it was only prewriting for something else anyway, so I'm just gonna say it doesn't count.
FlowersisBritish: I'm biting my knuckle really hard to not shout "No information can escape from a black hole! There's no way it can be talking!" but obviously it's not a literal black hole in the cosmological sense of the term. And even if it were, the whole point is that it's from the perspective of someone who's completely loony-toons, so you could pretty much just throw whatever you want out there and say "You can't judge it because it's an unreliable narrator, maaaaaaaaaaan!" I think we've known each other long enough to not pull punches (not that there's really a whole lot to bad mouth here), but on a spectrum of all your work from "Worst thing you ever wrote" to "Amazeballs," this is left of center. It's not great, it's not especially bad, but I've seen better from you and know you're capable of more than this.
MilkBeard: The single largest black mark on this for me was the part about the spider tilting its head. Spiders, as it happens, don't have heads. Their head and thorax are fused into what's called a cephalothorax, which they aren't capable of moving independently of the abdomen. But who else but I am going to care about that? Other than that, thought this was all creepy and weird and impenetrable, which is exactly the sort of nightmare dream logic I think about when I think about surrealism. Typically I like things to be more straight-forward than Lynchian, but I thought everything else was creepy enough that I can tolerate some opacity about what's going on.
Dedication Through Light: For the record, I had a fairly sizable collection of Transformers that continued to grow throughout my college career, so I totally didn't blink an eye at the thought that someone would have Legos in college. That said, I would echo most all of Nezumi's other points. This does seem very similar in setup to previous efforts, the unquestioning acceptance of the magic pencil invites unanswered questions (i.e. if he didn't know the answers to the test, how did he know the answers given by the pencil were correct), and the story doesn't end so much as just stop dead in its tracks. The decision to reach out to the teacher opens the possibility of hope, sure, but it also opens back up what was otherwise a closed plot point and leaves it open. And not intended as a knock, but sometimes when I read your stories it has what I can only describe as a feeling as having been transcribed from a manga or anime? I don't know a better way to describe it. But there are things between story-telling mediums and cultures that don't necessarily translate, which is what I feel like I'm reading sometimes. Manga, anime, comics, animation, movies, these are all fundamentally visual mediums of communication. The written word, without a scaffolding of sequential art to lean upon, is a fundamentally different beast. You're a member of WritingEra, you're surrounded by people who can provide good resources on this. But as always, keep writing.
Midramble: I know we were discussing dreams and synesthesia during the hangout, and I think you pretty much nailed that here. Taken individually, each episode of drug-trip insanity is impressive, but I didn't feel that there was a lot of connective tissue to tie it all together. The story would advance in fits and starts with large swaths of really great, but also really prolonged, imagery between them. I'm not even sure how I would advise on how to square those two competing needs, either, as the hallucinations were pretty integral to the whole thing.
Song of Fire: Agree with Nezumi, not putting this in verse format twinged something deep-seated and resentful in the depths of my soul : P I will always admire people who can compose lyrical or poetic entries for these things, because I don't have a rhyming bone in my body and am probably incapable of producing poetry. So kudos on getting something in the door : )
Nezumi: I actually really liked this one, though I was kind of "meh" on the idea of the bank's security software being able to just wipe out vast chunks of the camera's memory. Idunno, maybe I'm just speaking from a position of ignorance, but I don't think that kind of software exists. I think I'd have liked to have seen a bit more chaos as it starts identifying everyone as serial killers and whatnot, seems like that was really untapped potential. Super cute all around, though.
Votes:
1.) MilkBeard
2.) kingofred
3.) Midramble
Mike: Not going to lie, my thoughts and attention have been elsewhere for the past couple of weeks. This didn't begin life as an entry in the first place, but then a narrator kind of arose from the natural flow where I hadn't intended and I got to thinking, "Well, the narrator is unreliable, and it's all kind of weird, so maybe it'll work." Not anywhere near my best, but it was only prewriting for something else anyway, so I'm just gonna say it doesn't count.
FlowersisBritish: I'm biting my knuckle really hard to not shout "No information can escape from a black hole! There's no way it can be talking!" but obviously it's not a literal black hole in the cosmological sense of the term. And even if it were, the whole point is that it's from the perspective of someone who's completely loony-toons, so you could pretty much just throw whatever you want out there and say "You can't judge it because it's an unreliable narrator, maaaaaaaaaaan!" I think we've known each other long enough to not pull punches (not that there's really a whole lot to bad mouth here), but on a spectrum of all your work from "Worst thing you ever wrote" to "Amazeballs," this is left of center. It's not great, it's not especially bad, but I've seen better from you and know you're capable of more than this.
MilkBeard: The single largest black mark on this for me was the part about the spider tilting its head. Spiders, as it happens, don't have heads. Their head and thorax are fused into what's called a cephalothorax, which they aren't capable of moving independently of the abdomen. But who else but I am going to care about that? Other than that, thought this was all creepy and weird and impenetrable, which is exactly the sort of nightmare dream logic I think about when I think about surrealism. Typically I like things to be more straight-forward than Lynchian, but I thought everything else was creepy enough that I can tolerate some opacity about what's going on.
Dedication Through Light: For the record, I had a fairly sizable collection of Transformers that continued to grow throughout my college career, so I totally didn't blink an eye at the thought that someone would have Legos in college. That said, I would echo most all of Nezumi's other points. This does seem very similar in setup to previous efforts, the unquestioning acceptance of the magic pencil invites unanswered questions (i.e. if he didn't know the answers to the test, how did he know the answers given by the pencil were correct), and the story doesn't end so much as just stop dead in its tracks. The decision to reach out to the teacher opens the possibility of hope, sure, but it also opens back up what was otherwise a closed plot point and leaves it open. And not intended as a knock, but sometimes when I read your stories it has what I can only describe as a feeling as having been transcribed from a manga or anime? I don't know a better way to describe it. But there are things between story-telling mediums and cultures that don't necessarily translate, which is what I feel like I'm reading sometimes. Manga, anime, comics, animation, movies, these are all fundamentally visual mediums of communication. The written word, without a scaffolding of sequential art to lean upon, is a fundamentally different beast. You're a member of WritingEra, you're surrounded by people who can provide good resources on this. But as always, keep writing.
Midramble: I know we were discussing dreams and synesthesia during the hangout, and I think you pretty much nailed that here. Taken individually, each episode of drug-trip insanity is impressive, but I didn't feel that there was a lot of connective tissue to tie it all together. The story would advance in fits and starts with large swaths of really great, but also really prolonged, imagery between them. I'm not even sure how I would advise on how to square those two competing needs, either, as the hallucinations were pretty integral to the whole thing.
Song of Fire: Agree with Nezumi, not putting this in verse format twinged something deep-seated and resentful in the depths of my soul : P I will always admire people who can compose lyrical or poetic entries for these things, because I don't have a rhyming bone in my body and am probably incapable of producing poetry. So kudos on getting something in the door : )
Nezumi: I actually really liked this one, though I was kind of "meh" on the idea of the bank's security software being able to just wipe out vast chunks of the camera's memory. Idunno, maybe I'm just speaking from a position of ignorance, but I don't think that kind of software exists. I think I'd have liked to have seen a bit more chaos as it starts identifying everyone as serial killers and whatnot, seems like that was really untapped potential. Super cute all around, though.
Votes:
1.) MilkBeard
2.) kingofred
3.) Midramble
To the point,
1) MilkBeard
2) FlowersisBritish
3) Nezumi (Second in pure enjoyment)
HM) Mike
HM) KingofRod
Honorable mentions were veeeery close to the 3 spot and could really be swapped. Since it came to that I chose which one overall enjoyed the most of the three as a tiebreaker.
kingofrod - untitled
Mike - The Lineage of Kings
FlowersisBritish - The Black Hole in the Corner of my Bedroom
MilkBeard - A Guest in the Kitchen
Dedication Through Light - The Pencil
Midramble - Bandersnatch
Nezumi - Surveillance
Eternal Song - Odd Meetings
1) MilkBeard
2) FlowersisBritish
3) Nezumi (Second in pure enjoyment)
HM) Mike
HM) KingofRod
Honorable mentions were veeeery close to the 3 spot and could really be swapped. Since it came to that I chose which one overall enjoyed the most of the three as a tiebreaker.
kingofrod - untitled
Loved the general concept. The death of trees and a world adjusted to it. The dialogue and interactions of the family felt very natural. That combined with the premise had quite a pretty moving somber tone that, with the juxtaposition to the present day archaic items like walmart felt so ten minutes into the future that it felt a bit surrealistic in itself. Especially with the ritualistic scene of the culling of the last tree. Though I think the idea of folk creatures being displaced conceptually fit very well with the rest of the story, I feel the tone of the comedic execution detracted from that a bit. Overall pretty great.
Had a lot of fun reading this. I loved the near biblical tale of conquer and lineage in such a typically folksy way. Very Poem of the Cid even but with great Great character. I mean specifically the bird curse. Love how subtly it started. I didn't pick up on it until the 5th or 6th death as I was looking for more nefarious hints. Actually laughed out loud when I noticed. Also loved the slow turn from everyone competing over the throne to the eventually absurdity of people desperately avoiding it. Even more so with the chain of attempts to trick the curse like some sphinx riddle, but again with great characteristic presentation. I liked the punchline (would it be a punchline, or is the better term the conclusion? I don't know these things...) generally, as it's a perfect end point. My assumption is the curse is actually a lie and this person has been pinning deaths or murders on birds to reach this point. I feel like its a pretty great con-story style of reveal. Though something about its delivery feels off. I feel bad that I can't exactly describe why. I can't tell if it feels too short and somehow should have been more subtly revealed as the other points in the story are, or if it should be more abrupt, just brazenly stating "I am the liar king" out of nowhere knocking the reader on their feet that everything they just read was a farce and ridiculous sounding on purpose (though I feel that would cheapen the beautifully crafted premise). In the end it was an enjoyable read and makes me yearn for a medival/fantasy con artist story.
This was very well put together. A tight story with deliberate and engaging pacing. The internal dialogue was very convincing (didn't feel hammy such as a lot of schizophrenic representations do). The internal narrative misrepresentation of the landlord was damn well excellent. The escalation of the hole consuming everything was beautiful. Really the only criticism I could give is that I wanted more from it. I would love this as a longer story of showing her warmed cognition. Which would play into my other criticism, if it can be called that, being that the ending was very final. With how much more I wanted out of it, I actually regretted the permanence of the end and would have personally wanted a more open ended conclusion. Again though, since these are small stories that, I guess, should probably be self contained, the existing ending is probably a better fit than what I selfishly want hahaha.
I adored this story. Perfectly surreal. The juxtaposition of the absurdity and terror of the guest with the very normal and realistically personal family drama is sublime. I get the feeling that the spider either represents an affair, or the wife's distorted cognition of a family dog as this terrifying monstrosity due to some fear of canines, or some hobby the husband has that affects her dreadfully as she desperately tries to cope with her strong reaction against. I love that it feels this open ended. I love that at first it seems illusory and just absurd, but then feels real when acknowledged by the family, but then illusory, when everyone thinks it's normal and and overreaction on her part, but then again real when the husband alone meets with it outside the perspective of the wife. The tension of the scale and funnel imagery, the over the top depiction of the husband and spider's relationship. Her very realistic and human reactions that perfectly match whether inability to cope with a family matter or an actual giant normalized spider. I haven't seen enemy, but I've only seen the end scene and this story is what my mind writes as a plot that leads there. I feel this matched what is considered written surrealism perfectly. Well done.
I liked the idea here, at least the premise/mechanics. A magical pencil rolling to success and the twist of being the wrong type is pretty clever. I like some of the depiction of hurriedness such as the couple of references to the oversized clothes and the spray-shower smell but maybe more meat of the story is dedicated to this than actual characterization. The ending would have probably hit better being more abrupt with the reveal and leaving the completely open ended. A couple other small things: When describing the sounds of the class showing they are also in peril, that is done quite well, though it was undercut by the exposition explaining that in the sentence after. Also the characterization of the teacher felt inconsistent. I was left not knowing whether she was a stoic militaristic prison warden or a cackling witch saying she is going to get everyone's little dog too. A small thing I liked was the greek joke. The setup of the growing greek letters to the punchline "It all looked Greek to me" was pretty clever and got a laugh out of me.
Second and last surreal batches were less cohesive and especially the second lacked the emotional representation of the others. Story focused so much on plot mechanics, trying to be clever, and autowritten surreal rides, that actual characterization was mostly neglected. Not enough world building probably. Abrupt ending attempting to tie to the initial recount is a bit... unclear. Obscurity is not necessarily subtly. In the same vein, swapping to second person viewing in an attempt to later claim it was all in first person because the narrator never changes, is too obscure. Needed an actual signal larger than the dough dropping to represent. Probably too many superfluous adjectives/adverbs. Liked the surrealism imagery and the general premise. Liked the triumphant surrealistic scene at the end.
I really liked this story. Not very surrealist but completely drew me in. The characterization of the camera instantly captured me and held me in so well I genuinely felt sad at the end. She tried so hard :( and was only doing what she was supposed to. She was a good camera... The story was very tight. I loved the imagery of the violent attack. Felt very neuromancer but better in my opinion. My only complaint would be the lack of surrealism, but I feel like the unreliable narrator fit well. Only complaint would be that the idea of helping everyone in the town would have complications of some help hurting other members of the town, like the taking of money, or the hiding the affair. Otherwise love the story.
I don't know anything about the mechanics of poetry. (mainly because my namesake makes it impossible to attempt being goo at it myself so I gave up a loooong time ago). The rhythm and rhyme of the beginning felt a bit rudimentary and was ever so slightly distracting but the flow got better as it went along and I could immerse and enjoy. Overall I liked this story. It felt very midsummer night's dream in a neat little package. I liked the pacing of the mystery and coming and going of the guest. I liked how whimsical it felt overall. The only other critic I'd say probably is that it was less a story and more a scene. But really that's ok. It may have been stronger with a point (though I do feel that there is a vague Robert Frost Two Roads kinda theme here) but it isn't really needed to be enjoyable as it was.
OP
OP
Yup, exactly that.
I'm almost certainly not going to be able to do NaNo this year on account of the baby and all, so I'm actually hoping to crank this out before then.
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Trefoil by kingofrod
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I would think the dying shopping mall would be totally dead by the time the trees are up.
I also think the Trefoil idea was pretty awesome and unique.As well as how Roger has to try to explain to the grandson what trees used to be and what not.
I think there are larger questions that make for this to be an interesting world, in the absence of wood and bark how are there still tons of insects, enough animals to make food and clothes, and etc.
Didnt really enjoy the 2nd half though.
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The Lineage of Kings by Mike
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Really loved alot, especially the different kings and how creative coming up with the different names had to have been. I was also impressed with the different and varying degrees of how random their methods of being removed from throne was. And lastly debates and such going on on how ones choice isnt the one who is next in line to be king. Good.
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The Black Hole in the Corner of my Bedroom by FlowerisBritish
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Nicely paced and fast. Couldnt really feel attached to the characters, and was left a bit confused.
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Bandersnatch by Midramble
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Oops maybe because I currently watched the tv show Reverie, about a VR world, and a character who gets an implant that starts to negatively affect people that she could see effects of the VR immersion in the real world with apotential end goal of not being able to tell real for fake, that I thought this story was a bit er done before. Though, beyond that, as I like comfortable familiar stories, I really loved this. Its such an intersting experience to be seen in writing and probably though at times it was unclear I think that was kind of the point of it, what is real and what is fake, and how to escape it when you reach for the gear but then it does nothing unless you try and try. I enjoyed it.
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Odd Meetings by Eternal Song
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The rhyming was nice and I like your style and writing, definitely loved your entry, if only it was more meaty and expansive.
I will say the only thing I perhaps dont necessarily like about rhyming is that it occasionally takes me out of the story because I end up thinking, "oh what creative word will they get to rhyme with this, or oh that was a sweet way to use that word as a sentence ending")
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Surveillance by Nezumi
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Fun story that went somewhere I didnt expect. The attack on the bank and a counterattack seemed strange to me as I wasnt sure thats how defense systems for things work, as well as also, it didnt ever seem clear that Cami had enough computing power to hack into a banks system. But beyond that good story and creative.
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A Guest in the Kitchen by MilkBeard
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Pretty compelling story though I kind of wish it stayed in the realm of reality as the spider becoming big enough for bradley to rub with his head and what not took me out of a relatively normal and kind of relatable story, especially with the family relationship and the compelling quest to get the creature. Good.
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VOTES
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1. Bandersnatch by Midramble
2. The Lineage of Kings by Mike
3. A Guest in the Kitchen by MilkBeard
HM: Surveillance by Nezumi
Trefoil by kingofrod
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I would think the dying shopping mall would be totally dead by the time the trees are up.
I also think the Trefoil idea was pretty awesome and unique.As well as how Roger has to try to explain to the grandson what trees used to be and what not.
I think there are larger questions that make for this to be an interesting world, in the absence of wood and bark how are there still tons of insects, enough animals to make food and clothes, and etc.
Didnt really enjoy the 2nd half though.
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The Lineage of Kings by Mike
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Really loved alot, especially the different kings and how creative coming up with the different names had to have been. I was also impressed with the different and varying degrees of how random their methods of being removed from throne was. And lastly debates and such going on on how ones choice isnt the one who is next in line to be king. Good.
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The Black Hole in the Corner of my Bedroom by FlowerisBritish
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Nicely paced and fast. Couldnt really feel attached to the characters, and was left a bit confused.
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Bandersnatch by Midramble
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Oops maybe because I currently watched the tv show Reverie, about a VR world, and a character who gets an implant that starts to negatively affect people that she could see effects of the VR immersion in the real world with apotential end goal of not being able to tell real for fake, that I thought this story was a bit er done before. Though, beyond that, as I like comfortable familiar stories, I really loved this. Its such an intersting experience to be seen in writing and probably though at times it was unclear I think that was kind of the point of it, what is real and what is fake, and how to escape it when you reach for the gear but then it does nothing unless you try and try. I enjoyed it.
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Odd Meetings by Eternal Song
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The rhyming was nice and I like your style and writing, definitely loved your entry, if only it was more meaty and expansive.
I will say the only thing I perhaps dont necessarily like about rhyming is that it occasionally takes me out of the story because I end up thinking, "oh what creative word will they get to rhyme with this, or oh that was a sweet way to use that word as a sentence ending")
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Surveillance by Nezumi
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Fun story that went somewhere I didnt expect. The attack on the bank and a counterattack seemed strange to me as I wasnt sure thats how defense systems for things work, as well as also, it didnt ever seem clear that Cami had enough computing power to hack into a banks system. But beyond that good story and creative.
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A Guest in the Kitchen by MilkBeard
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Pretty compelling story though I kind of wish it stayed in the realm of reality as the spider becoming big enough for bradley to rub with his head and what not took me out of a relatively normal and kind of relatable story, especially with the family relationship and the compelling quest to get the creature. Good.
X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X
VOTES
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1. Bandersnatch by Midramble
2. The Lineage of Kings by Mike
3. A Guest in the Kitchen by MilkBeard
HM: Surveillance by Nezumi
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It was a tough call.
Votes:
1) kingofrod
This was an enjoyable read. I liked the concept of nature being a thing of the past, and seeing people talk about what it was like. I've never read Watership Down, but that didn't detract from my enjoyment too much.
2) Mike
I enjoyed how the story turned from seeming like an objective account to an obvious unreliable narration. It was a fun idea, with all of them dying by way of birds. The only issue was, as mentioned by others, the beginning feels a bit dry in its execution.
3) FlowersisBritish
This was a nice, simple story, and didn't overstay its welcome. I liked the brevity, and the tightness of the pacing, though I do feel like I didn't get to know the characters or the setting much.
HM: Midramble
I enjoyed the mix of reality and VR, and the descriptions are pretty well done. I think you have the right idea, at least in terms of constructing visual details to help build the story. However, I feel like the story ultimately lost steam about halfway through. Having a stronger, more visible plot would help keep things moving.
Votes:
1) kingofrod
This was an enjoyable read. I liked the concept of nature being a thing of the past, and seeing people talk about what it was like. I've never read Watership Down, but that didn't detract from my enjoyment too much.
2) Mike
I enjoyed how the story turned from seeming like an objective account to an obvious unreliable narration. It was a fun idea, with all of them dying by way of birds. The only issue was, as mentioned by others, the beginning feels a bit dry in its execution.
3) FlowersisBritish
This was a nice, simple story, and didn't overstay its welcome. I liked the brevity, and the tightness of the pacing, though I do feel like I didn't get to know the characters or the setting much.
HM: Midramble
I enjoyed the mix of reality and VR, and the descriptions are pretty well done. I think you have the right idea, at least in terms of constructing visual details to help build the story. However, I feel like the story ultimately lost steam about halfway through. Having a stronger, more visible plot would help keep things moving.
This one was tough - I really liked Nezumi's story from start to finish, and I'm really loving the description in Milkbeard's story (the spider that looks like it's wearing a dog carcass, the little dot going up the husband's arm as foreshadowing - SO gross but I loved it).
I think I'm going to have to go:
1) Milkbeard - A Guest in the Kitchen - I read horror stories all the time, and this story made me nauseous - which I do mean as a compliment btw!
2) Nezumi - Surveillance - This could be a Black Mirror episode so easily, and I mean that in the best possible way.
3) FlowersisBritish - The Black Hole in the Corner of my Bedroom - I was getting some Kathe Koja vibes in the beginning (which is a good thing), then it turned into its own story. I don't know how you're able to cram so much story into such a small space - I feel like you can start to understand the main character's motivations and outlook in just two pages - I wish I could do that!
HM: Mike - The Lineage of Kings - like someone else said, it does feel a little like a data dump for a short story format, but as soon as you got to the part where all of the sons were born at the exact same time, I was in. And all of their various bird deaths had me cracking up! Please hit me up when you get published and I'll be there day 1.
I think I'm going to have to go:
1) Milkbeard - A Guest in the Kitchen - I read horror stories all the time, and this story made me nauseous - which I do mean as a compliment btw!
2) Nezumi - Surveillance - This could be a Black Mirror episode so easily, and I mean that in the best possible way.
3) FlowersisBritish - The Black Hole in the Corner of my Bedroom - I was getting some Kathe Koja vibes in the beginning (which is a good thing), then it turned into its own story. I don't know how you're able to cram so much story into such a small space - I feel like you can start to understand the main character's motivations and outlook in just two pages - I wish I could do that!
HM: Mike - The Lineage of Kings - like someone else said, it does feel a little like a data dump for a short story format, but as soon as you got to the part where all of the sons were born at the exact same time, I was in. And all of their various bird deaths had me cracking up! Please hit me up when you get published and I'll be there day 1.