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REgals [Women of Era] |OT| Episode I: The Female Menace
- Thread starter weemadarthur
- Start date
- OT
Congrats!! :)
I'm getting married in January, and I can't wait <3
I am thinking of making a career change from healthcare to coding and there might be an internship available at a small start-up company.
Are there coders here and have you experienced sexism at work as in some articles I've read? Or is that rare and it's generally fine depending on your team/boss?
Are there coders here and have you experienced sexism at work as in some articles I've read? Or is that rare and it's generally fine depending on your team/boss?
I'm a coder, and I fortunately have not. I think it has something to do with my city (Montreal) which is generally really good when it comes to gender issues. It also definitely depends on your team/boss, too.
I haven't encountered more sexism in programming than in other walks of life. Just a regular amount, akin to what I've run into in other professional creative environments. The worst of it has come from men who feel inadequate at their work, so don't have any self confidence and rely on belittling instead. If you get on a good team then there shouldn't be as much of that going around.
Please, if you're applying for an internship, make sure it's a legal one. Don't let them trick you into doing free labor on the promise of a potential job offer or being "useful for future resumes".
The worst of it for me was in college. Those years could be emotionally draining.
Actually working in the field has been a lot better. Most of the time it's something I would expect in any work environment. This definitely depends on the team though. For the one I'm currently on, a good share of it is women and the "tech bro" culture is largely absent where I am.
Will also back sabrina up in saying don't do internships for free.
Thank you all for your replies, that's very informative.
I don't know if it would be paid or not, but I don't mind as being in that environment will help me see if tech is for me or not.
To complicate matters, I've been offered a job in my healthcare field which is paying the highest hourly rate and it's very tempting to take that instead of being an intern for three months.
I need to figure out if I want to change careers and take an (initial?) paycut or stick with my current job, where I am already fairly senior.
I don't know if it would be paid or not, but I don't mind as being in that environment will help me see if tech is for me or not.
To complicate matters, I've been offered a job in my healthcare field which is paying the highest hourly rate and it's very tempting to take that instead of being an intern for three months.
I need to figure out if I want to change careers and take an (initial?) paycut or stick with my current job, where I am already fairly senior.
It's hard to say not knowing your finances, safety nets, what type of programming job this actually is, and so on.
I do think it's pretty common for people who change careers in order to do something they like more to take a pay cut, so you're not alone there. It's more a question of can you afford it, and can you return to healthcare if you determine programming isn't for you?
Yes to both points, so I have nothing too much to lose except for three months of time and salary if I don't like coding, but more to gain if I do enjoy the job more.
Hey everyone! Happy Sunday evening/Monday :( . I'm just recently getting back into the groove of being more active here on Era and I thought I would say hello! Hope you guys had a great weekend!
I just realised that I really really dislike the 'good mother' as a character. Movies or shows where the woman is only portrayed in the mother role without any kind of character or depth. All sacrifice, patience and angelic smiles while looking at her little darlings . I feel that it is an unhealthy stereotype.
I see mothers around me feeling guilty when they are not able to live up to that sugarcoated illusion. I just had to tell a crying coworker that it is ok to not feel like playing boardgames with the kids before school when the ending of your relationship is a complete shitstorm. That being a mother doesn't cancel out your right to be a human being with needs like rest. Just adding hurt to an already painful situation.
I see mothers around me feeling guilty when they are not able to live up to that sugarcoated illusion. I just had to tell a crying coworker that it is ok to not feel like playing boardgames with the kids before school when the ending of your relationship is a complete shitstorm. That being a mother doesn't cancel out your right to be a human being with needs like rest. Just adding hurt to an already painful situation.
Unfortunately, this post made me smile as I am rewatching Bates Motel right now. Completely inappropriate for the discussion. You are absolutely right.
Well you're not far off. My annoyance came to a boil watching the haunting of hill house.
Not sure if you've seen Bates Motel, but it's actually a pretty good show for this discussion. Poor Norma, in the end, can't reconcile having a normal life with being a mother to Norman.
I totally agree, those portrayals are grating. I don't have kids, but seeing someone reduced down to their mothering role in media makes me think it must be so hard for women to seek help or even express their real thoughts if they struggle as parents. It sets up such unreasonable expectations. When women are not "good mothers," or even express any negative feelings they may have about being a mother, the amount of judgement they receive is insane. In comparison, men don't really seem to have to do nearly as much to be praised as a stellar dad. Things are changing gradually, thankfully. I hope that as women are achieving higher education levels than men in their age group, we'll see more variety in how families and parenting are portrayed.
I hope your coworker can get take some time for herself and not run herself ragged. It sounds like a really hard situation, but self-care is an important element of giving care to others too.
Yes and please let them stay clear of the ultimate monster. The good mother who is also has a successful career.
And you're totally right about self care. For a lot of women it feels like being selfish and they put it off to long.
I think things are changing some in that regard. Two new network shows this season, I Feel Fine and Single Parents, both prominently focus on parents with complex motivations and varying levels of parental success. As has the show American Housewife, now in its third season, and Netflix show One Day at a Time, which currently has two seasons available for viewing.
Sorry to just dump a bunch of recommendations on you, but I do think things are getting better!
As if I didn't have enough fucking shit going wrong with my health... I now have pretty much constant heartburn the past few days. Zantac not helping anymore. Getting heartburn on an empty stomach and on foods that usually never give me heartburn. Previously, I would only have it with trigger foods and taking a preventive Zantac beforehand would stop it cold. By some miracle, I was able to get an appointment with a GI doctor as a new patient tomorrow. I called today thinking I'd have to wait a few weeks or months and got lucky. I had an endoscopy and colonoscopy and nothing major came up and I was just diagnosed with general IBS. Might be time for a new batch of procedures. My grandmother died at 51 (19 years before I was born) of stomach cancer so I get nervous about this shit.
I also have the back MRI later in the day tomorrow. Busy day of fuckery. Back is feeling better today at least. Hopefully I can get some relief with the heartburn before my vacation in a week. It's a fucking theme park (Universal Orlando) so constant heartburn would really fucking suck with the rides.
I also have the back MRI later in the day tomorrow. Busy day of fuckery. Back is feeling better today at least. Hopefully I can get some relief with the heartburn before my vacation in a week. It's a fucking theme park (Universal Orlando) so constant heartburn would really fucking suck with the rides.
I'm sorry to hear about all the pain and discomfort, I hope everything gets better soon, and you get the care you need. How did the MRI go?
Thank you so much!
MRI went fine. The doctor will get the results today so hopefully I'll hear today or tomorrow.
GI doctor put me on Prilosec for 2 weeks to heal and calm down the inflammation to try to get back to my baseline. He agreed with my theory that it was probably an after effect of an antibiotic I got off 2 weeks ago (though I've never had such a reaction before). If that doesn't work, another 2 weeks on it. If that doesn't work, endoscopy. The Prilosec seems to be helping so I'm glad my vacation next week won't be ruined.
Hope the Prilosec helps you Linkura, and that you can enjoy your vacation! With all your health issues, you really deserve to enjoy them.
Thank you! <3
I'm already noticing quite an improvement this morning.
Thank you!
I'm on a fb group for the theme park I will be visiting on my vacation. Last night a young woman said she was harassed outside the park last night by two guys who kept asking to have drinks with her (she is underage too). Most people responded appropriately, but of course one commenter commented that "you're so pretty no wonder they hit on you." I called him disgusting and that brought out a gross misogynist who called another guy who agreed with me a white knight.
Now I'm kinda worried because I'll be going there alone. Usually the fact that I look like a young teenager at age 30 and the fact that I always wear my wedding ring protects me from most assholes, but I am going to be extra vigilant. Certainly use the provided transportation instead of walking back alone at night.
That poor girl. I've been going there regularly for the last year or so. It's normally pretty chill, but I think rowdier folks come out during this Halloween season. Definitely use the transportation, it's been very reliable for me. The workers there are very attentive as well, if you experience something dodgy.
I hope you have fun though. And from everything I've heard the new fast and furious ride is NOT worth the wait.
How did you know it was Universal hahahaa
I'm staying at Portofino (they JUST made regular rooms available with the Annual Pass discount and it was only 25/night more than Royal Pacific so I nabbed it, wanted to stay there to begin with but until now it was just too much of a price difference to justify), so I'll make sure to take the water taxi everywhere. It'll save my feet a little too. I'm a vet with Disney World solo trips, but this is my first time to Universal in 25 years and my first HHN ever. I've always loved Halloween so I should have fun.
I'm planning on trying the Fast and Furious ride in single rider if it's a short wait because I love "bad" stuff. I think it'll be good for a chuckle at least if it's 15 minute or less wait. I know it's supposed to be shitty.
Saw you mention it in an earlier post. lol. The Harry Potter sections are so damn cool. Have fun and be safe!
I'm glad to hear the Prilosec is helping out, hopefully everything will get sorted soon enough. Enjoy your vacation!!
Thanks. The heartburn is pretty much gone, which is a crazy improvement. I'm still getting some acid reflux/"silent burps" but that's ok.
I'm glad to hear you're feeling better in time for your holiday. It's so frustrating to have all this fun planned and your body decides it won't cooperate. Have a great time! I hope you don't encounter any creeps like that poor girl did. I've been nervous in the past taking trips by myself, but always had a great time in the end. I guess theme parks are a bit different though, especially during the excitement of Halloween.
Got the mri results. No inflammation so just regular arthritis in my lower back and thumbs. Yippeeeee I guess? It's better than the alternative for sure, though it still sucks. Will probably make a follow up with my orthopedic doctor. Could use some pointers on how to handle the back arthritis.
OP
OP
That's osteoarthritis and not rheumatoid arthritis, yes? Because the treatments recommended can be opposites, particularly in regard to heat.
Yup! It looks like the rheumatologist's work is done. Going to make an appointment with the orthopedic.
OP
OP
Ok osteoarthritis is still inflammation, but generally caused by the cartilege deterioration. So, some people report heat treatment being very helpful in pain reduction, despite its possibility of causing additional "swelling" in the area. This is a ymmv situation. Especially in the low back.
Options
Heat
1. Steam heat. Take a hand towel, fold it in thirds in the fancy way your mom made you do as a child for hanging in the guest bathroom. Now roll it up. Place it under very hot faucet until very wet. Wring it out. (You may want to use rubber gloves if the heat is getting to your hands) Place in the microwave, and zap for 30 seconds. It should be hot to the touch without burning. This can then be unrolled, and wrapped around the affected body part. Place a dry towel over it to try to keep the heat in. This will cool down very fast, which is GOOD. You aren't trying to give first degree burns, just get some directed heat on weirdly shaped areas. You can make a bunch of these hot towels and store in a crock pot on low heat but give yourself ten minutes between applications to prevent potential skin damage.
2. Paraffin. This takes some initial investment. You would need to purchase a paraffin melting/maintenance tub, and wax beads to fill it. In the USA this is probably about a $150 investment unless you can find a used one, and that may squick you out. Also some expenses will occur as the wax is inevitably used up (it's reusable, to a point), and for wrappings/gauzes.
Exfoliate treatment area. Then use absorbable oil on it. Then apply paraffin using either direct dip (works on hands, feet and elbows) or dip gauze/muslin strips into the wax and THEN wrap around the treatment area. May need help of another person. Cover waxed area with plastic then cover that with terry cloth to keep the heat in. Sit around for 10-20 minutes, then strip it all off. Recover wax as possible. Throw away plastic. Try not to get your terry cloth waxy lol.
3. Electric heaters. I personally dislike these. They maintain such a consistent temperature that in my opinion, having used them extensively, the body shuts down its heat/cold circulation cycle into the area. However, if used for appropriate intervals, such as five minutes on/ten minutes off, it may provide relief. Requires variable investment depending on what's for sale in your area.
4. Dry heat. You can purchase "grain bags" or make your own. To make your own, take a nice clean mens athletic sock - the boring white gym socks - and fill it with rice, or another small grain. Tie the end shut. If you are fancy and capable, sew lines across the bag to keep little sections of grain separate so it doesn't all collect at one end. Put in the microwave. Usually two minutes is a good number, depending on the power of the microwave. I don't recommend going above 3 minutes. (These also work in the freezer for doing cold treatment). Apply to area, keeping a cloth of some sort between the heat bag and your skin. And be sure to move it if the heat gets overwhelming. NEVER get these things wet.
Cold
1. Dry cold. Same as above with the "grain bags". Put in freezer, apply with a barrier between the cold item and the skin.
2. Cold packs. Not the same as the sort of ice pack used in food coolers, you can purchase cold packs that are intended for skin usage. Store in freezer, use in a similar cycle to heat - 5 on/10 off. Requires initial investment. They last pretty well unless you break them open and the special gel gets out. Some need a cloth between the pack and the skin, some ....claim not to but you might wanna anyway.
3. Ice massage. May require a partner for hard to reach areas. Also, pre warning. This sucks hardcore. Take an ice cube and wrap it in a cloth, leaving one open end. Rub the ice - NEVER allowing it to stop moving in one place on the skin - over the desired treatment area. This is a treatment that needs careful monitoring to prevent frostbite, and is not appropriate for the elderly. As the ice dribbles, just wipe up the water drips. Apply for no more than a minute. Cry. Then maybe feel better after. I'll try to add the method for testing skin for signs that the treatment is definitely over but I need to go look them up again.
Many people get best results switching between heat and cold treatments, but whichever one feels better is okay to stick with if that works for you.
Options
Heat
1. Steam heat. Take a hand towel, fold it in thirds in the fancy way your mom made you do as a child for hanging in the guest bathroom. Now roll it up. Place it under very hot faucet until very wet. Wring it out. (You may want to use rubber gloves if the heat is getting to your hands) Place in the microwave, and zap for 30 seconds. It should be hot to the touch without burning. This can then be unrolled, and wrapped around the affected body part. Place a dry towel over it to try to keep the heat in. This will cool down very fast, which is GOOD. You aren't trying to give first degree burns, just get some directed heat on weirdly shaped areas. You can make a bunch of these hot towels and store in a crock pot on low heat but give yourself ten minutes between applications to prevent potential skin damage.
2. Paraffin. This takes some initial investment. You would need to purchase a paraffin melting/maintenance tub, and wax beads to fill it. In the USA this is probably about a $150 investment unless you can find a used one, and that may squick you out. Also some expenses will occur as the wax is inevitably used up (it's reusable, to a point), and for wrappings/gauzes.
Exfoliate treatment area. Then use absorbable oil on it. Then apply paraffin using either direct dip (works on hands, feet and elbows) or dip gauze/muslin strips into the wax and THEN wrap around the treatment area. May need help of another person. Cover waxed area with plastic then cover that with terry cloth to keep the heat in. Sit around for 10-20 minutes, then strip it all off. Recover wax as possible. Throw away plastic. Try not to get your terry cloth waxy lol.
3. Electric heaters. I personally dislike these. They maintain such a consistent temperature that in my opinion, having used them extensively, the body shuts down its heat/cold circulation cycle into the area. However, if used for appropriate intervals, such as five minutes on/ten minutes off, it may provide relief. Requires variable investment depending on what's for sale in your area.
4. Dry heat. You can purchase "grain bags" or make your own. To make your own, take a nice clean mens athletic sock - the boring white gym socks - and fill it with rice, or another small grain. Tie the end shut. If you are fancy and capable, sew lines across the bag to keep little sections of grain separate so it doesn't all collect at one end. Put in the microwave. Usually two minutes is a good number, depending on the power of the microwave. I don't recommend going above 3 minutes. (These also work in the freezer for doing cold treatment). Apply to area, keeping a cloth of some sort between the heat bag and your skin. And be sure to move it if the heat gets overwhelming. NEVER get these things wet.
Cold
1. Dry cold. Same as above with the "grain bags". Put in freezer, apply with a barrier between the cold item and the skin.
2. Cold packs. Not the same as the sort of ice pack used in food coolers, you can purchase cold packs that are intended for skin usage. Store in freezer, use in a similar cycle to heat - 5 on/10 off. Requires initial investment. They last pretty well unless you break them open and the special gel gets out. Some need a cloth between the pack and the skin, some ....claim not to but you might wanna anyway.
3. Ice massage. May require a partner for hard to reach areas. Also, pre warning. This sucks hardcore. Take an ice cube and wrap it in a cloth, leaving one open end. Rub the ice - NEVER allowing it to stop moving in one place on the skin - over the desired treatment area. This is a treatment that needs careful monitoring to prevent frostbite, and is not appropriate for the elderly. As the ice dribbles, just wipe up the water drips. Apply for no more than a minute. Cry. Then maybe feel better after. I'll try to add the method for testing skin for signs that the treatment is definitely over but I need to go look them up again.
Many people get best results switching between heat and cold treatments, but whichever one feels better is okay to stick with if that works for you.
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Whoa, thanks for all of this great info!
Back before we figured out what was going on with my hands and knees, I used ice packs. They helped a little.
I'm concerned about what type of physical activity to do or avoid. Hopefully the orthopedic doctor can give good advice as well as some pt exercises. I already do some, but hoping to see if others would be more effective.
Back before we figured out what was going on with my hands and knees, I used ice packs. They helped a little.
I'm concerned about what type of physical activity to do or avoid. Hopefully the orthopedic doctor can give good advice as well as some pt exercises. I already do some, but hoping to see if others would be more effective.
OP
OP
Most times i BELIEVE they go with, listen to your body on amount/strenuousness of exercise. However, new ideas to replace things that don't work for an individual can be awesome.
I'm not an exercise expert but people tend to recommend yoga for flexibility, and in the discord people like Adrienne specifically. A youtuber.
Here is one link for knee probs. https://youtu.be/VfSlEgg4ApE
I'm not an exercise expert but people tend to recommend yoga for flexibility, and in the discord people like Adrienne specifically. A youtuber.
Here is one link for knee probs. https://youtu.be/VfSlEgg4ApE
My mother has rather severe RA and finds pain relief in a sauna. So much even that she has an infrared cabin at home now. For exercise she either goes Nordic walking or biking daily. She keeps it gentle and respects her limits. Hope the doctor can give you some good pointers.
So, uhm... hi! I've lurked before but I don't think I've ever posted, I was a bit worried I was too old for the Era demographic, but I've been reassured that's not the case :)
I'm in my forties, gamer, mother and wife (not necessarily in that order) and into most thinks geekery. Our daughter is 18 and off to college next year although luckily she can stay living at home and commute, so no empty nest for me just yet. All three of us are avid gamers, at the moment we're playing World of Warcraft together.
I'm a bit shy, and its been hard to find women of a similar age with similar interests over the years, so I'm happy to have been invited.
I'm in my forties, gamer, mother and wife (not necessarily in that order) and into most thinks geekery. Our daughter is 18 and off to college next year although luckily she can stay living at home and commute, so no empty nest for me just yet. All three of us are avid gamers, at the moment we're playing World of Warcraft together.
I'm a bit shy, and its been hard to find women of a similar age with similar interests over the years, so I'm happy to have been invited.
OP
OP
Aww, welcome! I wish we had more people like you on this board :)