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REgals [Women of Era] |OT| Episode I: The Female Menace

Oct 25, 2017
425
The Netherlands
There's been a mildly positive improvement to the situation, however, I am immensely burnt out with, I dunno, people in general right now, so I've kinda been in 'withdrawn hermit mode' for the last few days and haven't spoken to anyone much. I really don't feel like typing out another huge post at the moment because of this, but I'll give an update once I'm feeling a little better.
That's very understandable. Thanks for the update.
 
Oct 25, 2017
14,163
Today was a rough day for me. Trigger warning: poop

I've been picking my aunt up for our weekly Friday lunch the past few weeks now that she doesn't drive. She was wearing a very short dress- I think it was actually supposed to be a long shirt as she's under 5 feet- that didn't even really cover her butt. With no slacks or tights or anything in 40 degree weather. I didn't notice how quite short it was until after we were already at the restaurant. But anyway, I let her out before me due to the snow and then parked. It was then I noticed that the car seat she was sitting on had brown stains on it. It smelled like it might be shit but I wasn't 100% sure. I had also just done the groceries so I wasn't sure some food stained it or something. At the restaurant I checked her coat and there wasn't any stains on it. When she stood up I also "slyly" pretended to tie my shoe so I could look at her back and bottom and see if I could see anything; couldn't, but she was wearing black underwear.

After I dropped her off at home though, I could immediately smell shit coming from the seat and more brown stains were smeared on it. I called the owner of the restaurant immediately (it's a small place we've been going to for years) and told her to clean where she sat. Then I called my uncle, who stayed home when we were at lunch, and told him about it. He was in denial about it being dementia-related and told me, "I keep telling her to go to a GI doctor." He is COMPLETELY useless. Thankfully they aren't actually married so I have medical and legal authority over him when it comes to it.

I called my mom and told her we need to think about putting my aunt in assisted living at some point in the near future. My uncle cannot be trusted to take care of her properly and she cannot take care of herself. The problem is my aunt has zero assets- she has a gambling and hoarding problem and has likely spent 6 figures over life on lottery tickets and shit. No house (my uncle owns their condo), just a ~$2000/mo pension that she always shits away on lottery tickets and junk. So it will be on my parents and me to pay for it above the pension.

Talked to my dad on the phone later and it was kind of frustrating because it was clear my mom had not been keeping him fully up to date on the situation and it seemed like he thought I was overreacting at first. He said he put in calls to my great aunt and my uncle (my aunt's sister) and said he wanted to see what they say. I told him I spent wayyyyyy more time with her than anyone else except my uncle who lives with her and that he needs to trust me as a primary source (though it's still a good idea to talk to them as well, but they've also voiced concerns). I told him my husband and I cannot do this alone anymore and that either we need other family members to chip in on the burden or she needs to go to assisted living. He voiced concerns about getting her to agree with it, and I said, "I know some lawyers [I work at a law firm]." There's also a brand-new assisted living facility with specialized memory care facilities literally a 3 minute walk from my house. I would be able to visit her daily if she went there.

But anyway, my husband and I cannot do this alone anymore. And my uncle is completely useless and in denial (He was at the house when she left for lunch and didn't notice that she was dressed completely inappropriately or that she had shit all over her ass!!!! He also fails to properly manage her diet [she has type 2 diabetes], her numerous meds, and her finances.). My parents need to step the fuck up and help us. My aunt literally raised my mother starting when my mom was 12 because their mom died and their dad was an alcoholic. Meanwhile my parents have been living 700 miles away for the past 10 years and haven't visited in several years. Other relatives don't do shit.

We have two more tests to go before we can get a diagnosis. She has a brain scan on Tuesday and then they are going to schedule a long-form cognitive test. But even if nothing shows up, she can still have Alzheimer's/dementia. And the fact remains that she cannot take care of herself.

:/
 
Today was a rough day for me. Trigger warning: poop

I've been picking my aunt up for our weekly Friday lunch the past few weeks now that she doesn't drive. She was wearing a very short dress- I think it was actually supposed to be a long shirt as she's under 5 feet- that didn't even really cover her butt. With no slacks or tights or anything in 40 degree weather. I didn't notice how quite short it was until after we were already at the restaurant. But anyway, I let her out before me due to the snow and then parked. It was then I noticed that the car seat she was sitting on had brown stains on it. It smelled like it might be shit but I wasn't 100% sure. I had also just done the groceries so I wasn't sure some food stained it or something. At the restaurant I checked her coat and there wasn't any stains on it. When she stood up I also "slyly" pretended to tie my shoe so I could look at her back and bottom and see if I could see anything; couldn't, but she was wearing black underwear.

After I dropped her off at home though, I could immediately smell shit coming from the seat and more brown stains were smeared on it. I called the owner of the restaurant immediately (it's a small place we've been going to for years) and told her to clean where she sat. Then I called my uncle, who stayed home when we were at lunch, and told him about it. He was in denial about it being dementia-related and told me, "I keep telling her to go to a GI doctor." He is COMPLETELY useless. Thankfully they aren't actually married so I have medical and legal authority over him when it comes to it.

I called my mom and told her we need to think about putting my aunt in assisted living at some point in the near future. My uncle cannot be trusted to take care of her properly and she cannot take care of herself. The problem is my aunt has zero assets- she has a gambling and hoarding problem and has likely spent 6 figures over life on lottery tickets and shit. No house (my uncle owns their condo), just a ~$2000/mo pension that she always shits away on lottery tickets and junk. So it will be on my parents and me to pay for it above the pension.

Talked to my dad on the phone later and it was kind of frustrating because it was clear my mom had not been keeping him fully up to date on the situation and it seemed like he thought I was overreacting at first. He said he put in calls to my great aunt and my uncle (my aunt's sister) and said he wanted to see what they say. I told him I spent wayyyyyy more time with her than anyone else except my uncle who lives with her and that he needs to trust me as a primary source (though it's still a good idea to talk to them as well, but they've also voiced concerns). I told him my husband and I cannot do this alone anymore and that either we need other family members to chip in on the burden or she needs to go to assisted living. He voiced concerns about getting her to agree with it, and I said, "I know some lawyers [I work at a law firm]." There's also a brand-new assisted living facility with specialized memory care facilities literally a 3 minute walk from my house. I would be able to visit her daily if she went there.

But anyway, my husband and I cannot do this alone anymore. And my uncle is completely useless and in denial (He was at the house when she left for lunch and didn't notice that she was dressed completely inappropriately or that she had shit all over her ass!!!! He also fails to properly manage her diet [she has type 2 diabetes], her numerous meds, and her finances.). My parents need to step the fuck up and help us. My aunt literally raised my mother starting when my mom was 12 because their mom died and their dad was an alcoholic. Meanwhile my parents have been living 700 miles away for the past 10 years and haven't visited in several years. Other relatives don't do shit.

We have two more tests to go before we can get a diagnosis. She has a brain scan on Tuesday and then they are going to schedule a long-form cognitive test. But even if nothing shows up, she can still have Alzheimer's/dementia. And the fact remains that she cannot take care of herself.

:/
I love how you care for her. And completely right that your aunt will need more care in the near future. Maybe the doctor who oversees all the tests that are being done, can help you make clear what her options are.
 
Oct 25, 2017
14,163
I love how you care for her. And completely right that your aunt will need more care in the near future. Maybe the doctor who oversees all the tests that are being done, can help you make clear what her options are.
Oh definitely. I plan on being there at the followup appointment and I'm going to tell him about all the stuff that's occurred since the initial appointment.

She could get a home health aide, but I'm honestly leaning heavily towards assisted living. They can tailor her diet to her needs and make sure she eats properly instead of eating junk. They can make sure she gets exercise regularly. And they can make sure she doesn't take trips to the corner store to gamble her money away. I could walk over and visit her daily or even more frequently. It also takes my uncle out of the picture in terms of her care, or his lack thereof. At this point I am sooooo fucking glad they aren't married since it means he has zero legal power. The doctor wouldn't even let him come in for her appointment, but let me. My dad told us not to worry about the money. My parents have plenty of money, truth be told, but we're still willing to chip in.
 
OP
OP
weemadarthur

weemadarthur

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,748
Thinking of you, Linkura.

You’re doing a great job managing this even if it feels like you keep banging your head against a brick wall. This sort of thing always takes time to get through the paperwork.
 
Oct 25, 2017
14,163
Got into an argument with my parents today. I am thinking, hoping they are just in denial. They haven't seen her in 2 or more years, back when she was still normal (for her, heh), and only for a couple days max. They don't know how much worse she's gotten and seem to think I'm overreacting or moving too fast. I told them I have actively been thinking about and working through this stuff on my own for the past couple of years (and my mom at least knows this!!). I've fucking been telling my mom the past several months all the details. Other than my uncle, who is useless, I am the one who sees her in person by far the most out of anyone. I'm the one going to her doctors' appointments. I'm the one taking her out to lunch multiple times per week. I'm the one who got shit on my car seat. And they seem to think I'm overreacting and "jumping to conclusions." My mom in particular says they can't afford it for more than a couple of years, which is a big ass LIE.

Got really fucking mad. I hope they are just in denial; otherwise it seems like the only people who really give a shit are my husband and me. And we cannot afford her proper care on our own.

It seems that she might be eligible for long-term care assistance via the state, but she's kind of on the borderline for eligibility in terms of finances. But we will definitely apply once she has gone through all the tests.

I'm going to call the nearby facility Monday and make sure they have room and arrange a tour. I know it's likely a few months out still at this point, but I want to make sure they are an option when the time comes.

I'm honestly kind of dreading lunch tomorrow with her and my uncle. It's going to be awkward after she got shit in my car.
 
Got into an argument with my parents today. I am thinking, hoping they are just in denial. They haven't seen her in 2 or more years, back when she was still normal (for her, heh), and only for a couple days max. They don't know how much worse she's gotten and seem to think I'm overreacting or moving too fast. I told them I have actively been thinking about and working through this stuff on my own for the past couple of years (and my mom at least knows this!!). I've fucking been telling my mom the past several months all the details. Other than my uncle, who is useless, I am the one who sees her in person by far the most out of anyone. I'm the one going to her doctors' appointments. I'm the one taking her out to lunch multiple times per week. I'm the one who got shit on my car seat. And they seem to think I'm overreacting and "jumping to conclusions." My mom in particular says they can't afford it for more than a couple of years, which is a big ass LIE.

Got really fucking mad. I hope they are just in denial; otherwise it seems like the only people who really give a shit are my husband and me. And we cannot afford her proper care on our own.

It seems that she might be eligible for long-term care assistance via the state, but she's kind of on the borderline for eligibility in terms of finances. But we will definitely apply once she has gone through all the tests.

I'm going to call the nearby facility Monday and make sure they have room and arrange a tour. I know it's likely a few months out still at this point, but I want to make sure they are an option when the time comes.

I'm honestly kind of dreading lunch tomorrow with her and my uncle. It's going to be awkward after she got shit in my car.
I have been thinking about your situation over the weekend. I feel that it is really important that you get as much family members on board as you possibly can. And because they have been long distance they may need some more time to catch up. This is frustrating, but also understandable. The most important question now is what your parents (and other family members) need to get on board. Is it test results, a professional opinion or a clear description of al the possible scenarios with pro’s and cons? And how are your aunt and uncle as partners? I understand he has no legal power and is unable to care for her, but what about the emotional attachment? Separating them can have a huge emotional impact on both.

All the above is from me assuming that you are dealing with more or less sane family members who genuinely care for you and your aunt. Being united in caring for your aunt will be a huge help for you and her.
 
Oct 25, 2017
14,163
I have been thinking about your situation over the weekend. I feel that it is really important that you get as much family members on board as you possibly can. And because they have been long distance they may need some more time to catch up. This is frustrating, but also understandable. The most important question now is what your parents (and other family members) need to get on board. Is it test results, a professional opinion or a clear description of al the possible scenarios with pro’s and cons? And how are your aunt and uncle as partners? I understand he has no legal power and is unable to care for her, but what about the emotional attachment? Separating them can have a huge emotional impact on both.

All the above is from me assuming that you are dealing with more or less sane family members who genuinely care for you and your aunt. Being united in caring for your aunt will be a huge help for you and her.
Yeah, this is where I'm at as well. Thanks for articulating it.

I think the test results will be a huge help in convincing the family. In regards to my uncle, there is attachment of course, but I can tell he is depressed and completely burnt out from caring for her. I'm hoping to convince him that this will help the both of them and that he can visit her any time.

We are going to the nearby assisted living community in an hour for a tour. They say they have space available.
 
Oct 25, 2017
431
Well, here's the update. My friend apologized for the things she said to me. She said that she just recently had a friendship end on bad terms and the other friend became very hostile to her. She said she must have been projecting that hostility onto me and in the heat of the moment thought I was just doing all of this to spite her. At the time she felt she was justified in the things she said.

In any case, she then said that while she does believe sexual assault victims on their word, in this one case she cannot do that. I tried to explain to her that that's not a good double standard to make, especially in a case where so many people are speaking out, and if you can't believe people on their word with this, you can do the same for any other and you don't really mean what you're saying. After having some time to think about it, she changed her position to 'I just can't take a side on this'. She said there's compelling evidence on both side and that she's not fully taking Vic's side either, just that she's going to need definitive proof on either end for her to decide. That's a slightly better position, I guess, and that's probably the best I'm going to get out of her. I'm far too exhausted to push the issue further anymore either way. I don't plan on bringing it up ever again.

I dunno. From what I've seen online, she's got a friend who's pushing the I Stand With Vic thing pretty hard and has been funneling a ton of those shitty conspiracy youtube vids to her that supposedly prove that Vic is innocent. It all feels like Gish Gallop at this point. They've both taken in so many garbage talking points about this that you can't refute all of it and you have no hope of making them understand. Well, either way. I'm done with this. All it did was put me into the worst mental state I've been in in a long time and caused me to become completely disillusioned with my two closed friends.

I told her after we talked all of this out that I need some space to recover from this and we haven't spoken since.

Even if we start talking again, things are never going to be the same between us again either way. I view her completely differently now and I'm going to end up being far more wary talking to her. The trust I had in her is gone and that openness we had isn't coming back. I don't feel comfortable talking with her like the way I used to and I can't imagine us having conversations about anything but the most shallow of subjects at this point.

Oh, and my other friend is still completely shutting me out too. It's fun to find out how little you mattered in spite everything they said otherwise.

All of this has been depressingly eye opening.

And all I keep thinking about is how long it took for me to open up to them and how long it took for me to genuinely become comfortable talking with them. It isn't easy for me to make friends and it isn't easy for me to connect with other people. They kept talking to me through all of my awkwardness and lack of social awareness because they 'wanted' to be friends with me. I remember thinking back then, after everything, 'maybe things will be different this time.'. And it stayed that way just long enough for me to believe it, for me to let my guard down, for me to start thinking that maybe I had finally found some lifelong friends who will stick with me through anything. I mean, we had minor arguments before this but we always able to work it out, but this just feels like something that cuts too deep, and even if I try to ignore it, our friendship is going to be a hollow shell of what it used to be.

It's fucking cruel that this keeps happening.

Well, this last week has only been one long reminder of just how alone I really am. I'm right back to having nobody to talk to after having them for several years. I've been in the worst place mentally that I've been in in a long time. Thank goodness for the Pokemon Direct because I'm just about ready to give up entirely and its the only thing keeping me going right now.
 
Oct 25, 2017
425
The Netherlands
Well, here's the update. My friend apologized for the things she said to me. She said that she just recently had a friendship end on bad terms and the other friend became very hostile to her. She said she must have been projecting that hostility onto me and in the heat of the moment thought I was just doing all of this to spite her. At the time she felt she was justified in the things she said.

In any case, she then said that while she does believe sexual assault victims on their word, in this one case she cannot do that. I tried to explain to her that that's not a good double standard to make, especially in a case where so many people are speaking out, and if you can't believe people on their word with this, you can do the same for any other and you don't really mean what you're saying. After having some time to think about it, she changed her position to 'I just can't take a side on this'. She said there's compelling evidence on both side and that she's not fully taking Vic's side either, just that she's going to need definitive proof on either end for her to decide. That's a slightly better position, I guess, and that's probably the best I'm going to get out of her. I'm far too exhausted to push the issue further anymore either way. I don't plan on bringing it up ever again.

I dunno. From what I've seen online, she's got a friend who's pushing the I Stand With Vic thing pretty hard and has been funneling a ton of those shitty conspiracy youtube vids to her that supposedly prove that Vic is innocent. It all feels like Gish Gallop at this point. They've both taken in so many garbage talking points about this that you can't refute all of it and you have no hope of making them understand. Well, either way. I'm done with this. All it did was put me into the worst mental state I've been in in a long time and caused me to become completely disillusioned with my two closed friends.

I told her after we talked all of this out that I need some space to recover from this and we haven't spoken since.

Even if we start talking again, things are never going to be the same between us again either way. I view her completely differently now and I'm going to end up being far more wary talking to her. The trust I had in her is gone and that openness we had isn't coming back. I don't feel comfortable talking with her like the way I used to and I can't imagine us having conversations about anything but the most shallow of subjects at this point.

Oh, and my other friend is still completely shutting me out too. It's fun to find out how little you mattered in spite everything they said otherwise.

All of this has been depressingly eye opening.

And all I keep thinking about is how long it took for me to open up to them and how long it took for me to genuinely become comfortable talking with them. It isn't easy for me to make friends and it isn't easy for me to connect with other people. They kept talking to me through all of my awkwardness and lack of social awareness because they 'wanted' to be friends with me. I remember thinking back then, after everything, 'maybe things will be different this time.'. And it stayed that way just long enough for me to believe it, for me to let my guard down, for me to start thinking that maybe I had finally found some lifelong friends who will stick with me through anything. I mean, we had minor arguments before this but we always able to work it out, but this just feels like something that cuts too deep, and even if I try to ignore it, our friendship is going to be a hollow shell of what it used to be.

It's fucking cruel that this keeps happening.

Well, this last week has only been one long reminder of just how alone I really am. I'm right back to having nobody to talk to after having them for several years. I've been in the worst place mentally that I've been in in a long time. Thank goodness for the Pokemon Direct because I'm just about ready to give up entirely and its the only thing keeping me going right now.
Hey...

First of all, I'm glad to see that she apologized. But I do understand what you're going through and it doesn't take away the loss you're feeling right now.

This is the reason why I personally don't like to focus on sensitive subjects too much. When I feel that people don't care enough or they would react negatively then I would rather not engage.

I know it's easier said than done but try not to beat yourself up over it.
 
Well, here's the update. My friend apologized for the things she said to me. She said that she just recently had a friendship end on bad terms and the other friend became very hostile to her. She said she must have been projecting that hostility onto me and in the heat of the moment thought I was just doing all of this to spite her. At the time she felt she was justified in the things she said.

In any case, she then said that while she does believe sexual assault victims on their word, in this one case she cannot do that. I tried to explain to her that that's not a good double standard to make, especially in a case where so many people are speaking out, and if you can't believe people on their word with this, you can do the same for any other and you don't really mean what you're saying. After having some time to think about it, she changed her position to 'I just can't take a side on this'. She said there's compelling evidence on both side and that she's not fully taking Vic's side either, just that she's going to need definitive proof on either end for her to decide. That's a slightly better position, I guess, and that's probably the best I'm going to get out of her. I'm far too exhausted to push the issue further anymore either way. I don't plan on bringing it up ever again.

I dunno. From what I've seen online, she's got a friend who's pushing the I Stand With Vic thing pretty hard and has been funneling a ton of those shitty conspiracy youtube vids to her that supposedly prove that Vic is innocent. It all feels like Gish Gallop at this point. They've both taken in so many garbage talking points about this that you can't refute all of it and you have no hope of making them understand. Well, either way. I'm done with this. All it did was put me into the worst mental state I've been in in a long time and caused me to become completely disillusioned with my two closed friends.

I told her after we talked all of this out that I need some space to recover from this and we haven't spoken since.

Even if we start talking again, things are never going to be the same between us again either way. I view her completely differently now and I'm going to end up being far more wary talking to her. The trust I had in her is gone and that openness we had isn't coming back. I don't feel comfortable talking with her like the way I used to and I can't imagine us having conversations about anything but the most shallow of subjects at this point.

Oh, and my other friend is still completely shutting me out too. It's fun to find out how little you mattered in spite everything they said otherwise.

All of this has been depressingly eye opening.

And all I keep thinking about is how long it took for me to open up to them and how long it took for me to genuinely become comfortable talking with them. It isn't easy for me to make friends and it isn't easy for me to connect with other people. They kept talking to me through all of my awkwardness and lack of social awareness because they 'wanted' to be friends with me. I remember thinking back then, after everything, 'maybe things will be different this time.'. And it stayed that way just long enough for me to believe it, for me to let my guard down, for me to start thinking that maybe I had finally found some lifelong friends who will stick with me through anything. I mean, we had minor arguments before this but we always able to work it out, but this just feels like something that cuts too deep, and even if I try to ignore it, our friendship is going to be a hollow shell of what it used to be.

It's fucking cruel that this keeps happening.

Well, this last week has only been one long reminder of just how alone I really am. I'm right back to having nobody to talk to after having them for several years. I've been in the worst place mentally that I've been in in a long time. Thank goodness for the Pokemon Direct because I'm just about ready to give up entirely and its the only thing keeping me going right now.
It’s good to hear that your friend apologised, although it doesn’t undo the damage done to your friendship. Take Your time and be kind to yourself.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,422
Uhhh, I'd been kind of interested in joining the Discord for awhile but had been a bit shy and didn't really know the way to it, as it were. Anyone mind sending an invite my way? Thanks!
 
Oct 25, 2017
14,163
Really disappointed to hear some YIKES things coming out of my husband's mouth re: RLM's Captain Marvel review. Postin' in here because he might be looking at the Etc thread, not sure.

Such things like this regarding Brie's speech at the awards show: "Replace where she said '40 year old white men' with anyone else, would it still be ok to say that??" "What if she said [the n-word]??"

And when I looked up what venue she said it at and told him it was a women in film awards show: "That doesn't make it ok!!"

://////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Yes, my husband is a 4x [half]-white man.
 

Morrigan

Armoring
Moderator
Oct 24, 2017
9,710
Those abortion news coming out of Alabama sure ruined my day, and I don't even live in the same country. It's so fucking depressing.

Stay strong, American friends :(
 
Oct 27, 2017
726
I spent the last few days thinking to myself "Well, at least I don't live in Georgia...," and then this. I didn't even know this was a thing they were voting on until the day of.

Adrtwetgajldsfhqokrsjrghasdfaosurhtasd. That is all. -_-



Also, same question as Eusis, is it still possible to join the discord?
 
Mar 30, 2018
193
France
Oh snap, other women on ERA, they exist!
Hi there, I was starting to despair a bit, every time I'd check someone's profile, it'd say "male" or non-specified (which results in me thinking they're most likely male anyway, not sure that's a particularly good habit of mine tbh).

Anyway, regarding the list of good reads in the OP, I'm currently reading a very fun book about French rape culture, after having read a book about anti-colonialist feminism, as well as another one about Fatphobia, and another one about Feminism & Beauty standards, let's say I'm currently totally into a FUN-READ phase. But still, learning tons in the process of course.
 
Last edited:

Mist

Love & Respect
Administrator
Oct 25, 2017
2,112
Oh snap, other women on ERA, they exist!
Hi there, I was starting to despair a bit, every time I'd check someone's profile, it'd say "male" or non-specified (which results in me thinking they're most likely male anyway, not sure that's a particularly good habit of mine tbh).

Anyway, regarding the list of good reads in the OP, I'm currently reading a very fun book about French rape culture, after having read a book about anti-colonialist feminism, as well as another one about Fatphobia, and another one about Feminism & Beauty standards, let's say I'm currently totally into FUN-READ phase. But still, learning tons in the process of course.
Welcome to the community. ^^ <3 Glad you found us!

Those sound like some interesting books. Would you recommend any of them? I recently started reading a book about Ancient Egyptian queens (or female kings, rather). It's written from a feminist lens. I'm enjoying it so far. I found it thanks to a podcast on Egyptology starring the author, which I enjoyed a lot.
 

Morrigan

Armoring
Moderator
Oct 24, 2017
9,710
Bienvenue Delphine ! Glad to have you around.

I recently started reading a book about Ancient Egyptian queens (or female kings, rather). It's written from a feminist lens. I'm enjoying it so far. I found it thanks to a podcast on Egyptology starring the author, which I enjoyed a lot.
Oh interesting. The only female pharaoh I heard of (who wasn't a queen consort, e.g. Nefertiti, Nefertari etc.) was Hatshepsut, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were more, as female leaders and their contributions have been routinely erased from history books...
 
Oct 27, 2017
357
Seattle
The news has been so consistently depressing for the past couple of years that I’ve largely retreated from engaging on the subject unless there’s something specific I’m trying to achieve. As a spectator sport and casual conversation it’s a nightmare.

The only glimmer of good news out of Alabama is that even among the most ardent anti-abortion advocates there are many who are concerned that the law is a huge over-reach. Even with the stacked Supreme Court, it’s likely to be overturned.
 

Mist

Love & Respect
Administrator
Oct 25, 2017
2,112
Bienvenue Delphine ! Glad to have you around.


Oh interesting. The only female pharaoh I heard of (who wasn't a queen consort, e.g. Nefertiti, Nefertari etc.) was Hatshepsut, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were more, as female leaders and their contributions have been routinely erased from history books...
Nefertiti is featured in the book, though I haven't gotten to her chapter. I believe because she is believed to have ruled alone for some time, but it's an ongoing debate. In case anyone is interested, it's called 'When Women Ruled the World', by Kara Cooney. It focuses on six female heads of state. Merneith, Neferusobek, Hatshepsut, Nefertiti, Tawosret and Cleopatra. Apparently only one of them did not eventually serve formally as a king (Merneith), but she still was in a ruling/decision making position on behalf of her son and is featured in king lists for that reason.

And yeah, women being erased from historical records, sometimes by the very men who they placed into power, is a theme in history. :c
 

shiba5

I shed
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
7,321
The news has been so consistently depressing for the past couple of years that I’ve largely retreated from engaging on the subject unless there’s something specific I’m trying to achieve. As a spectator sport and casual conversation it’s a nightmare.

The only glimmer of good news out of Alabama is that even among the most ardent anti-abortion advocates there are many who are concerned that the law is a huge over-reach. Even with the stacked Supreme Court, it’s likely to be overturned.
The idea is to get the court to chew around the edges of the over-reach so abortion is all but outlawed, but RvW is not overturned. They know exactly what they are doing.
We are going backwards at a million miles an hour.

We know this is about punishing women because one of the GOP Taliban said the quiet part out loud again and stated that IVF embryos are different (aren't persons) because they aren't in a woman.
 
Mar 30, 2018
193
France
Thank you all for the warm welcome, much appreciated!
Sorry to barge in like that at a time where, ugh, the current news is kinda ruining the mood, I'm sorry for that D:

Those sound like some interesting books. Would you recommend any of them? I recently started reading a book about Ancient Egyptian queens (or female kings, rather). It's written from a feminist lens. I'm enjoying it so far. I found it thanks to a podcast on Egyptology starring the author, which I enjoyed a lot.
I definitely would recommend pretty much all of them in a way? Sadly they're all written in French by French authors, and I'm not sure they have been translated in English (or in any other language for that matter), but here goes:

- "Beauté Fatale" by Mona Chollet, is a well documented essay about how alienating feminine beauty standards are to women, and gets in depths about its different aspects, especially in relation to French culture.
- "Gros n'est pas un Gros Mot" by Marx & Perez-Bello is a short essay about what it means, what it feels like, what it implies to be fat in French society, moreso to be a fat women, and what that oppression looks like. It's spot-on and straight-to-the-point, but is not as much as a scholar essay as I wanted it to be. Still worth the read though, especially if you have no idea about it feels like to endure fatphobia in general.
- "Un Féminisme Décolonial" by Françoise Vergès is also a short essay about the history of feminism of WOC in France, and how it intersects with racial issues, as well as issues of class and capitalism. It was a pretty good read, one that shows how different kinds of oppression connect to one another and feed one another, how layered it all is. I think it's pretty interesting and eye-opening read if you're white as a toilet like me.

And the one I'm currently reading:
- "Une culture du viol à la Française" by Valérie Rey-Robert, which so far seems to be a very well-written, highly-documented and annotated essay about what rape culture looks like in France, especially touching up on our very special culture of romance and seducing, which deserves to be criticized and talked about at length through a feminist lens. I'm only 60 pages in, but so far, I'm very amazed by all the care and research that went onto this one.

I also have a long pile of similar books to read, I already went through The Second Sex's first volume (which was A TALL TASK) and need to get onto the 2nd volume when I'll be finished with what I have here. The saddest thing I thought of while reading the 1st volume, was how current and relatable it was. Such book written in 1949 felt like it could have been published in 2019, and that seriously bummed me out. Anyway ugh, yeah, that's why I needed a bit of a break before starting the 2nd volume. Yay to being a woman!

Anyway, I need that book about Ancient Egyptian Queens now, I feel like it'd be right up my alley! (another book on my pile, at this point, who'll notice anyway?)
 
Last edited:
Oct 25, 2017
1,345
Those abortion news coming out of Alabama sure ruined my day, and I don't even live in the same country. It's so fucking depressing.

Stay strong, American friends :(
I was angry about Georgia but Alabama somehow out did them and now I’m even more angry. I’m not even American.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,422
Oh snap, other women on ERA, they exist!
Hi there, I was starting to despair a bit, every time I'd check someone's profile, it'd say "male" or non-specified (which results in me thinking they're most likely male anyway, not sure that's a particularly good habit of mine tbh).
Maybe it’s a bit of projection on my end from past behavior, but I can see quite a few either being trans (but possibly closeted) or otherwise not overly committed to picking male for any similar reason.

Or just didn’t look and never bothered, whichever.

EDIT: Oh, duh. Hello! Been having some screwiness on my phone due to ads getting in the way and crap.
 
Last edited:
Oct 25, 2017
496
Yeah, this alabama bullshit is really impacting my ability to concentrate on stuff I need to do. Every few minutes I'm back on twitter reading about some dipshit thinks women should just shut up and be incubators. I know it's just gonna make me mad but I keep going back.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,422
Ok, off work.

Yeah, what the FUCK at this Alabama nonsense. I swear I want these fuckers shipped off somewhere else and to stop making a god damned mess in this country. My best hope is they bit off more than they could chew and end up screwing things up and strengthen Roe vs Wade instead, but I half expect we may get it struck down BUT with some dissenting opinions that leave wiggle room to fuck things up anyway.
 

Mist

Love & Respect
Administrator
Oct 25, 2017
2,112
Thank you all for the warm welcome, much appreciated!
Sorry to barge in like that at a time where, ugh, the current news is kinda ruining the mood, I'm sorry for that D:



I definitely would recommend pretty much all of them in a way? Sadly they're all written in French by French authors, and I'm not sure they have been translated in English (or in any other language for that matter), but here goes:

- "Beauté Fatale" by Mona Chollet, is a well documented essay about how alienating feminine beauty standards are to women, and gets in depths about its different aspects, especially in relation to French culture.
- "Gros n'est pas un Gros Mot" by Marx & Perez-Bello is a short essay about what it means, what it feels like, what it implies to be fat in French society, moreso to be a fat women, and what that oppression looks like. It's spot-on and straight-to-the-point, but is not as much as a scholar essay as I wanted it to be. Still worth the read though, especially if you have no idea about it feels like to endure fatphobia in general.
- "Un Féminisme Décolonial" by Françoise Vergès is also a short essay about the history of feminism of WOC in France, and how it intersects with racial issues, as well as issues of class and capitalism. It was a pretty good read, one that shows how different kinds of oppression connect to one another and feed one another, how layered it all is. I think it's pretty interesting and eye-opening read if you're white as a toilet like me.

And the one I'm currently reading:
- "Une culture du viol à la Française" by Valérie Rey-Robert, which so far seems to be a very well-written, highly-documented and annotated essay about what rape culture looks like in France, especially touching up on our very special culture of romance and seducing, which deserves to be criticized and talked about at length through a feminist lens. I'm only 60 pages in, but so far, I'm very amazed by all the care and research that went onto this one.

I also have a long pile of similar books to read, I already went through The Second Sex's first volume (which was A TALL TASK) and need to get onto the 2nd volume when I'll be finished with what I have here. The saddest thing I thought of while reading the 1st volume, was how current and relatable it was. Such book written in 1949 felt like it could have been published in 2019, and that seriously bummed me out. Anyway ugh, yeah, that's why I needed a bit of a break before starting the 2nd volume. Yay to being a woman!

Anyway, I need that book about Ancient Egyptian Queens now, I feel like it'd be right up my alley! (another book on my pile, at this point, who'll notice anyway?)
Unfortunately, despite taking French for 3 years at school, I know basically no French. :P Those all sound very interesting though. I'm glad you're enjoying them all!

And yes unfortunately, we're very far from being past such issues. The book I'm reading covers that too, in regards to how female rulers are viewed and treated, and what expectations are placed on them in comparison to their male counterparts.
 

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,544
Those abortion news coming out of Alabama sure ruined my day, and I don't even live in the same country. It's so fucking depressing.

Stay strong, American friends :(
It's pretty horrifying. I lived in a small Georgia town for most of my life, but it's still so disappointing to see the worst kind of people I knew trying to hurt everyone as much as they are. I really hope that these people fail and that they're pushed out of office as soon as possible
 
Oct 27, 2017
3,076
As white male I must apologize for the shitlordery happening in the US

I feel that guilt by association stuff real strong with this administration

also Missouri also wants to be even more of unliveable hellhole so i guess i gotta bitch at some state congress people :(