For real though OP, what you need is to seal up your house better. Your door and/or window seals are probably not up to snuff and letting them get in. Or perhaps your air ventilation. Or if you spend a lot of time with just a screen door or security door open they will be able to get in.
My cat is the first line of defense against such critters. He gives zero fucks about scorpions, he will eat them like they are a tasty treat. I don't
let him eat them, mind, but if he finds them before I do it's on. Same with spiders. Tarantulas he will bat at them but no attempts to actually eat them as of yet. I don't know what he would do with a snake, thankfully never had one in the house.
Not gonna lie, your house sounds terrifying lol
A few months ago I had to move about 40 feet of riprap. I only screamed 3 times! Haha.
What I cannot stand is centipedes.
Camel spiders are weird too, especially when they crawl up out of the drain in your bathroom while you are brushing your teeth.
Having said all that, I don't feel it is particularly dangerous here, you just have to be mindful. Don't stick your hand where you can't see, wear gloves, be careful moving stuff around outside/in your garage. Knock your shoes out before putting your feet in them.
I once lived in a rental place in California that had a serious brown recluse problem, that felt much more dangerous to me than anything where I live now.
And I don't have to deal with roof rats here. I willingly deal with scorpions over roof rats any day.
