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So I'm talking to a Japanese girl on a dating site...

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Mondy

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,456
And we seem to be getting along pretty well. I know some very basic Japanese from years of watching their variety shows, so I can answer with certain phrases mixed with 80% English which she finds cute.

The problem is, her English is very basic itself. She can communicate well enough, but you can tell from her sentence structure and use of words that it's still early days for her. I'd love to meet her if it comes to it, but I'm worried about what challenges the language barrier may bring, especially when it comes to our families if it advances that far.

Does anyone on Era have any experience with this sort of thing? How well does the language exchange usually work out?
 

thetrin

Content Acquisition at DANGEN Entertainment
Verified
Oct 26, 2017
2,102
Osaka Japan
This is what tons of guys go through here in Japan. You'll end up learning lots of Japanese, and she'll learn English.

I do recommend doing some light learning on the side. You'll find it pretty fruitful. (Download Duolingo and try it out)
 

.Detective.

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,151
Mondy, you need to get love advice from the user who had a successful date with a girl who speaks only Spanish. And made arrangements for further dates in the future.

That guy is a pro at this.
 

Xiaomi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,579
Here in Taiwan, that kind of thing happens all the time. The few women I've dated who don't have fluent English have been good people, but you've gotta be comfortable with the fact that you're going to be the foreign boyfriend who can't communicate for years until your language gets better. Just take it one day at a time.
 

Wzrd

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,085
Portland, Oregon
Look I'll save you years of heartache right now. Lawyer up and hit the gym. (I'm kidding)

I'm wondering why her very basic use of English is problematic and your very basic use of Japanese isn't? It's just framed kinda weird in your OP as a primarily her issue, when you both suck at each other's languages. Unless you left out some other details.

Beyond that, I think there is a lot of value to be had in two people not being fluent in each others languages. I personally wouldn't rule out a relationship based on that. I think the challenge could help foster a lot between individuals.
 
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Mechaplum

Member
Oct 26, 2017
5,933
Met my wife through language exchange and we knew each other for two years before getting together so not exactly the same, but from the language perspective she will be quite entertained if you are able to use some Japanese phrases (not merely words) from time to time. For instance "koko dake no hanashi" amused her to no end. It means "between you and me,....." and you can easily wind this into conversation. Check out more phrases and especially their pronunciation.

In terms of the future, meeting the family etc it really depends on how traditional and confident her family is with English. My in laws don't speak the language at all and I underwent a two hour interview in full suit and tie when I met them. Thankfully this isn't that common.
 

KillLaCam

Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,780
Singapore and Seoul
What country are you guys in? If you're in Japan you'll probably pick up Japanese easier than she'll pick up English. But either way you guys will probably have good enough communication skills by the time family comes into it.
 

TaterTots

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,597
Mondy, you need to get love advice from the user who had a successful date with a girl who speaks only Spanish. And made arrangements for further dates in the future.

That guy is a pro at this.
Oh shit. I was gonna tell the OP to check out that thread for advice, but didn't know it worked out so well.
 

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,017
UK
And we seem to be getting along pretty well. I know some very basic Japanese from years of watching their variety shows, so I can answer with certain phrases mixed with 80% English which she finds cute.

The problem is, her English is very basic itself. She can communicate well enough, but you can tell from her sentence structure and use of words that it's still early days for her. I'd love to meet her if it comes to it, but I'm worried about what challenges the language barrier may bring, especially when it comes to our families if it advances that far.

Does anyone on Era have any experience with this sort of thing? How well does the language exchange usually work out?
Seems like a lot of work but I'm curious what made you choose her instead of other English speaking women to the point where you're thinking of family? Or are you living in Japan and there aren't many other English speaking women?
 

Krejlooc

Indie Game Dev
Verified
Oct 27, 2017
18,423
IIRC the phrase "Omae wa mou shindeiru" is popular in japan. Try that.
 

Ratrat

User requested ban
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,867
I've seen a lot of cases like this and the times it doesnt work out is almost always because the western guy is not putting enough into the relationship. I dont understand international couples not learning each others languages.
 

matrix-cat

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,156
It's imperative that you work out who is older so you know which of you is the senpai. Trust me.
 

Ratrat

User requested ban
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,867
does she make your kokoro go doki doki tho
Just waifu her and worry about the rest later.
Wakarimasen, senpai

I've got no experience, but I'm rooting for you!
It's imperative that you work out who is older so you know which of you is the senpai. Trust me.
Ew. I get this is a gaming site but you dont need to post idiotic anime memes for no reason.
 

Deleted member 9145

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
9,680
Just get duolingo and if you have a friend that knows japanese maybe they can assist/teach you too

ignore all the weirdos posting desu desu shit here
 

DVCY201

Member
Oct 25, 2017
974
Ew. I get this is a gaming site but you dont need to post idiotic anime memes for no reason.
ごめんなさい。

If you thought that was a meme, then you must hate the entire Japanese language.

For OP, you may find it easier if you pick up a book. Genki is what I was taught with, and it helps cover the basics for reading, speaking, and writing. As others have said, Duolingo is an option as well. If you have a friend who can help teach, great! If not, Google translate can actually help decently with the overall meaning.
 

Polioliolio

Member
Nov 6, 2017
2,899
Sounds like you're really jumping the gun. Just have fun talking with her in the moment.. Almost none of the connections from dating sites go anywhere. A lot of people use these kinds of things for language exchange in a casual way.

Personally I think I'd become frustrated if we couldn't intellectually connect, whether that would be because of limited language or not. When you develop strong feelings, you have to be able to connect or you may develop resentment.

Again, I'd say take it easy and just enjoy chatting with someone in another language. Also reach out to others too.
 

smoothj

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
719
I met a girl like this a long time ago. She barely spoke English but better than my Japanese. We worked on it and were able to make progress in both languages. Just help each other and then you'll find your own way of getting your feelings across.

Good luck!
 

HardRojo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,195
You're on a dating site, don't take it so seriously and if it comes down to a fling, then so be it. I've flirted with a couple of Japanese girls before (my Japanese is kind of intermediate, since I studied in a Peruvian-Japanese high school) and mixing some Japanese with English helps a lot since, even though they lack basic sentence structure when trying to communicate, their vocabulary is bigger than you'd expect. Then again, it helps that I can speak somewhat decent Japanese so I can try and get what I'm trying to say across more easily.
 

Turtleboats

Member
Nov 13, 2017
1,653
As smoothj says, there maybe some hope in this love triangle you have with this lady. YOU+HER+LANGUAGE BARRIER.

I wish you best of luck of OP. If shes worth it you will know, thats for sure.

Good luck hombre.
 

Ratrat

User requested ban
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,867
ごめんなさい。

If you thought that was a meme, then you must hate the entire Japanese language.
...

Anyway. Not a big deal. I was just imagining being a Japanese women for a second and thinking of all these obnoxious associations some people have. Just view people as people.
 

DVCY201

Member
Oct 25, 2017
974
...

Anyway. Not a big deal. I was just imagining being a Japanese women for a second and thinking of all these obnoxious associations some people have. Just view people as people.
You mean the fetishization of Asian women? I can agree with your point, people are people. In OPs case, 'feel' is important. I think you two could have a lot of fun teaching each other's language. I had a previous girlfriend who taught me some Cantonese and Mandarin, and it was fun, albeit embarrassing when I flubbed it in front of family.
 

Danis Saur

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,313
If you want this to be serious, and you are SURE you can get far with this person, learn the language.

There are many free sources to learn... and I think it would be romantic to learn a language just for her.
 

SaviourMK2

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
1,707
CT
I dont have any experience with a language barrier, especially on dating, but it seems like you guys are very interested in each other. Make strives for it, try learning Japanese and see if it leads anywhere, she might be more turned onto your efforts. Give it a go and good luck.
Distance will be an issue (I know mine was one for 4 years before we finally moved in with each other).
 
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