So I'm talking to a Japanese girl on a dating site...

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M52B28

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Oct 26, 2017
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I'll be straight up:

Don't take it seriously and end up like my friend who caught feelings and ended up depressed and alone in Japan after a girl he liked fucked him and left after a few months.

Just have fun, don't think too much about it, and please, don't fetishize.

That same friend of mine went back to the States and fucked his married Japanese tutor while her husband was passed out drunk, as if he had some drought of Japanese women.
 

SolidChamp

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Oct 27, 2017
3,225
I've seen a lot of cases like this and the times it doesnt work out is almost always because the western guy is not putting enough into the relationship. I dont understand international couples not learning each others languages.
From what I’ve observed living in Asia the past ten years, this is what happens most of the time. Lately I’ve been meeting a LOT of middle-aged white dudes who are divorced from a local woman because they claim “she went crazy after we got married”, which is total bullshit.

They saw the “sexy Asian woman” first and foremost without bothering to learn anything about the culture or the language, and when the communication barriers and cultural incompatibilities started to cause a deterioration in the marriage, the dudes usually end up bolting and trading up for someone younger/hotter.

I’m not saying “all white guys”, just pretty much 90% of the ones I’ve met. And I can say that without a shred of exaggeration.

OP, just take the time to learn the language and be sensitive to the cultural differences and always, always try to appreciate where she’s coming from. Don’t be “that guy” who has an Asian girlfriend who he can barely communicate with on a deeper, proper level.

/cynical rant
 

M52B28

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Oct 26, 2017
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Kind of spot on. As you mentioned, is not about discouraging OP, but making sure he's aware that, with the language barrier, it's going to take more to maintain a relationship. Not only that, but the cultural barrier as well.

Please, don't be that guy.
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,949
China
Lately I’ve been meeting a LOT of middle-aged white dudes who are divorced from a local woman because they claim “she went crazy after we got married”, which is total bullshit.
It's not, some people can keep the crazy in check until they have thier feet under the table. Those dudes rushed and dodnt sweat the women out to see if they were that type.
 

Ratrat

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From what I’ve observed living in Asia the past ten years, this is what happens most of the time. Lately I’ve been meeting a LOT of middle-aged white dudes who are divorced from a local woman because they claim “she went crazy after we got married”, which is total bullshit.

They saw the “sexy Asian woman” first and foremost without bothering to learn anything about the culture or the language, and when the communication barriers and cultural incompatibilities started to cause a deterioration in the marriage, the dudes usually end up bolting and trading up for someone younger/hotter.

I’m not saying “all white guys”, just pretty much 90% of the ones I’ve met. And I can say that without a shred of exaggeration.

OP, just take the time to learn the language and be sensitive to the cultural differences and always, always try to appreciate where she’s coming from. Don’t be “that guy” who has an Asian girlfriend who he can barely communicate with on a deeper, proper level.

/cynical rant
From what I've seen, there is this completely wrong assumption that their girlfriend/wife will learn English, quit her career and leave her family and friends to go live in America or whatever because they have this conceit that its so much better in their country. Sacrifices have to be made both ways for this kind of relationship to work.
 

The Waistcoat

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Nov 8, 2017
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Just go for it and figure out any potential language barriers as they come. They aren't that hard to overcome as long as you're both willing to work at it enough .
 

ggundam8

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Mar 12, 2018
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Japan
Dating sites do work in Japan but most girls aren't looking for serious relationships. Just like foreign males, Japanes women also like exotify foreigners.

Anyway, don't over think it and if you truly fall for each other the language barrier won't be a problem. Just have patience.

*Married four years to Japanese lady*
 

GayAnimeDad

Member
Feb 13, 2018
2,241
Japan
If you live in Japan be careful she’s not one of those girls that use foreign guys for free English practice. I’ve gotten people on Tinder like that who may be flirty but either only meet up when they need help with studying English or keep talking to you but never meet.
 

Troll

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Nov 10, 2017
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she’s probably talking to like 10 other English speaking people on the site so she might pick it up quicker than you think
 

Ratrat

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Well, this is the most embarrassing thread of Ive seen in a while. I will definitely book mark it for future arguments.
 

Beartruck

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Oct 25, 2017
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My friend dated when he was in japan, cultural barrier is worse than language. He said a lot of women view gaijin as something to have fun with more than someone to settle down with, which sucked for him as he's the long term relationship type.
 

Deleted member 15326

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And we seem to be getting along pretty well. I know some very basic Japanese from years of watching their variety shows, so I can answer with certain phrases mixed with 80% English which she finds cute.

The problem is, her English is very basic itself. She can communicate well enough, but you can tell from her sentence structure and use of words that it's still early days for her. I'd love to meet her if it comes to it, but I'm worried about what challenges the language barrier may bring, especially when it comes to our families if it advances that far.

Does anyone on Era have any experience with this sort of thing? How well does the language exchange usually work out?
Her English is better than your Japanese and you’re getting way ahead of yourself even worrying about families
 

Dark_EMT

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Apr 19, 2018
571
Bro you’re getting way ahead of yourself. Are y’all even living in the same country? How long have y’all talkes for?
 

Blackpanther25

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
677
USA
This is what tons of guys go through here in Japan. You'll end up learning lots of Japanese, and she'll learn English.

I do recommend doing some light learning on the side. You'll find it pretty fruitful. (Download Duolingo and try it out)
Yup I have seen exactly this as well. Start learning you will be fine. Cheers.
 

ekka4shiki

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Oct 31, 2017
516
Honestly, if I ever have foreign girlfriend, language is the least of my worry. You (and the girl) can always learn. It's the culture clash that I'm scared off if one decide to pursue serious commitment. How do you deal with her family, how your family deal with foreigner yadda yadda.
 

NeuralProxy

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Oct 25, 2017
1,481
Italy
If you're young and sure it's not a scam I'd say go ahead. It'll be a pretty cool and enriching experience for both of you, no matter how it goes.
 

Gonzalez

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Oct 25, 2017
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Just say “Sou Desu Ne” after every break she has while talking. With that you’ll be her Samurai warrior in no time OP.
 

kittens

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Oct 27, 2017
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I've been in this boat too, and from my experience the relationship can't really go very far. I need more discussion and emotional and intellectual engagement than a language barrier like that can really facilitate.
 

Shadybiz

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Oct 27, 2017
5,166
I don't have any direct experience with that, but it can be done.

A good friend of mine started seeing a woman who is originally from Vietnam. Spoke very little English, but they made it work. They've been together for about 5 years now, and are living together.

Take it slow though, and just see how it goes.
 

momshotdad

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Oct 27, 2017
1,287
Denton, TX
Dated a Korean foreign exchange student for 5-6mo. I don't know any Korean but we made it work. Cultural differences are harder than the language barrier IMO.
 
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