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So I'm talking to a Japanese girl on a dating site...

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Mondy

Mondy

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,456
And we seem to be getting along pretty well. I know some very basic Japanese from years of watching their variety shows, so I can answer with certain phrases mixed with 80% English which she finds cute.

The problem is, her English is very basic itself. She can communicate well enough, but you can tell from her sentence structure and use of words that it's still early days for her. I'd love to meet her if it comes to it, but I'm worried about what challenges the language barrier may bring, especially when it comes to our families if it advances that far.

Does anyone on Era have any experience with this sort of thing? How well does the language exchange usually work out?
 
Fat4all

Fat4all

Woke up, got a money tag, swears a lot
Member
Oct 25, 2017
92,367
here
the only japanese word i know is 'oppai' so i dont think i can help all that much
 
thetrin

thetrin

Member
Oct 26, 2017
7,605
Atlanta, GA
This is what tons of guys go through here in Japan. You'll end up learning lots of Japanese, and she'll learn English.

I do recommend doing some light learning on the side. You'll find it pretty fruitful. (Download Duolingo and try it out)
 
.Detective.

.Detective.

Member
Oct 27, 2017
9,657
Mondy, you need to get love advice from the user who had a successful date with a girl who speaks only Spanish. And made arrangements for further dates in the future.

That guy is a pro at this.
 
Xiaomi

Xiaomi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,237
Here in Taiwan, that kind of thing happens all the time. The few women I've dated who don't have fluent English have been good people, but you've gotta be comfortable with the fact that you're going to be the foreign boyfriend who can't communicate for years until your language gets better. Just take it one day at a time.
 
Wzrd

Wzrd

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,085
Portland, Oregon
Look I'll save you years of heartache right now. Lawyer up and hit the gym. (I'm kidding)

I'm wondering why her very basic use of English is problematic and your very basic use of Japanese isn't? It's just framed kinda weird in your OP as a primarily her issue, when you both suck at each other's languages. Unless you left out some other details.

Beyond that, I think there is a lot of value to be had in two people not being fluent in each others languages. I personally wouldn't rule out a relationship based on that. I think the challenge could help foster a lot between individuals.
 
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Mechaplum

Mechaplum

Enlightened
Member
Oct 26, 2017
18,788
JP
Met my wife through language exchange and we knew each other for two years before getting together so not exactly the same, but from the language perspective she will be quite entertained if you are able to use some Japanese phrases (not merely words) from time to time. For instance "koko dake no hanashi" amused her to no end. It means "between you and me,....." and you can easily wind this into conversation. Check out more phrases and especially their pronunciation.

In terms of the future, meeting the family etc it really depends on how traditional and confident her family is with English. My in laws don't speak the language at all and I underwent a two hour interview in full suit and tie when I met them. Thankfully this isn't that common.
 
KillLaCam

KillLaCam

Prophet of Truth
Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,380
Seoul
What country are you guys in? If you're in Japan you'll probably pick up Japanese easier than she'll pick up English. But either way you guys will probably have good enough communication skills by the time family comes into it.
 
Kuro

Kuro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
20,535
I always thought those international dating sites were ripe with scams.
 
TaterTots

TaterTots

Member
Oct 27, 2017
12,960
.Detective. said:
Mondy, you need to get love advice from the user who had a successful date with a girl who speaks only Spanish. And made arrangements for further dates in the future.

That guy is a pro at this.
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Oh shit. I was gonna tell the OP to check out that thread for advice, but didn't know it worked out so well.
 
Messofanego

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
26,071
UK
Mondy said:
And we seem to be getting along pretty well. I know some very basic Japanese from years of watching their variety shows, so I can answer with certain phrases mixed with 80% English which she finds cute.

The problem is, her English is very basic itself. She can communicate well enough, but you can tell from her sentence structure and use of words that it's still early days for her. I'd love to meet her if it comes to it, but I'm worried about what challenges the language barrier may bring, especially when it comes to our families if it advances that far.

Does anyone on Era have any experience with this sort of thing? How well does the language exchange usually work out?
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Seems like a lot of work but I'm curious what made you choose her instead of other English speaking women to the point where you're thinking of family? Or are you living in Japan and there aren't many other English speaking women?
 
Ratrat

Ratrat

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Oct 27, 2017
1,867
I've seen a lot of cases like this and the times it doesnt work out is almost always because the western guy is not putting enough into the relationship. I dont understand international couples not learning each others languages.
 
matrix-cat

matrix-cat

Member
Oct 27, 2017
10,284
It's imperative that you work out who is older so you know which of you is the senpai. Trust me.
 
Ratrat

Ratrat

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Oct 27, 2017
1,867
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) said:
Baka
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Infinitebento said:
does she make your kokoro go doki doki tho
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Seductivpancakes said:
Is she kawaii?
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Nemo said:
Just waifu her and worry about the rest later.
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DVCY201 said:
Wakarimasen, senpai

I've got no experience, but I'm rooting for you!
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matrix-cat said:
It's imperative that you work out who is older so you know which of you is the senpai. Trust me.
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Ew. I get this is a gaming site but you dont need to post idiotic anime memes for no reason.
 
AnansiThePersona

AnansiThePersona

Started a revolution but the mic was unplugged
Member
Oct 27, 2017
15,682
Ratrat said:
Ew. I get this is a gaming site but you dont need to post idiotic anime memes for no reason.
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Z7HeRxU.png
 

Deleted member 9145

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
9,680
Just get duolingo and if you have a friend that knows japanese maybe they can assist/teach you too

ignore all the weirdos posting desu desu shit here
 
DVCY201

DVCY201

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,166
Ratrat said:
Ew. I get this is a gaming site but you dont need to post idiotic anime memes for no reason.
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ごめんなさい。

If you thought that was a meme, then you must hate the entire Japanese language.

For OP, you may find it easier if you pick up a book. Genki is what I was taught with, and it helps cover the basics for reading, speaking, and writing. As others have said, Duolingo is an option as well. If you have a friend who can help teach, great! If not, Google translate can actually help decently with the overall meaning.
 
Polioliolio

Polioliolio

Member
Nov 6, 2017
5,396
Sounds like you're really jumping the gun. Just have fun talking with her in the moment.. Almost none of the connections from dating sites go anywhere. A lot of people use these kinds of things for language exchange in a casual way.

Personally I think I'd become frustrated if we couldn't intellectually connect, whether that would be because of limited language or not. When you develop strong feelings, you have to be able to connect or you may develop resentment.

Again, I'd say take it easy and just enjoy chatting with someone in another language. Also reach out to others too.
 
smoothj

smoothj

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
1,341
I met a girl like this a long time ago. She barely spoke English but better than my Japanese. We worked on it and were able to make progress in both languages. Just help each other and then you'll find your own way of getting your feelings across.

Good luck!
 
HardRojo

HardRojo

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
26,081
Peru
You're on a dating site, don't take it so seriously and if it comes down to a fling, then so be it. I've flirted with a couple of Japanese girls before (my Japanese is kind of intermediate, since I studied in a Peruvian-Japanese high school) and mixing some Japanese with English helps a lot since, even though they lack basic sentence structure when trying to communicate, their vocabulary is bigger than you'd expect. Then again, it helps that I can speak somewhat decent Japanese so I can try and get what I'm trying to say across more easily.
 
Turtleboats

Turtleboats

Member
Nov 13, 2017
1,797
As smoothj says, there maybe some hope in this love triangle you have with this lady. YOU+HER+LANGUAGE BARRIER.

I wish you best of luck of OP. If shes worth it you will know, thats for sure.

Good luck hombre.
 
Ratrat

Ratrat

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Oct 27, 2017
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DVCY201 said:
ごめんなさい。

If you thought that was a meme, then you must hate the entire Japanese language.
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...

Anyway. Not a big deal. I was just imagining being a Japanese women for a second and thinking of all these obnoxious associations some people have. Just view people as people.
 
DVCY201

DVCY201

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,166
Ratrat said:
...

Anyway. Not a big deal. I was just imagining being a Japanese women for a second and thinking of all these obnoxious associations some people have. Just view people as people.
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You mean the fetishization of Asian women? I can agree with your point, people are people. In OPs case, 'feel' is important. I think you two could have a lot of fun teaching each other's language. I had a previous girlfriend who taught me some Cantonese and Mandarin, and it was fun, albeit embarrassing when I flubbed it in front of family.
 

Deleted member 13015

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Oct 27, 2017
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If you want this to be serious, and you are SURE you can get far with this person, learn the language.

There are many free sources to learn... and I think it would be romantic to learn a language just for her.
 
SaviourMK2

SaviourMK2

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Oct 25, 2017
1,711
CT
I dont have any experience with a language barrier, especially on dating, but it seems like you guys are very interested in each other. Make strives for it, try learning Japanese and see if it leads anywhere, she might be more turned onto your efforts. Give it a go and good luck.
Distance will be an issue (I know mine was one for 4 years before we finally moved in with each other).
 
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