So I've got liver transplant...

[SapientWolf]

1 liter is a lethal dose of alcohol. You're a walking miracle.

I hope you find success with your anxiety issues, OP. I have heard of some people having success with mindfulness training. There are also milder meds like baclofen being studied for anxiety.

 

[Annoyinmous]

I'm so glad you're okay OP! I'm sure there's no need to tell you to cherish your second life now :p. I suffered from Anxiety too (and other stuff) so I hit the bottle for a few years then Alcoholism destroyed my life (not health-wise) and ruined everything for me. Good luck to you and keep fighting!

 

[Nabbit]

M1chl how are you holding up man? Just wanted to check in. Hope you are doing well.

 

[M1chl]

M1chl how are you holding up man? Just wanted to check in. Hope you are doing well.

Click to shrink...

Well, things get definitely better on the physical side of things. I am physically almost okay, problem is my psychical state. My financial state, etc. Because I am sort of psychically unstable. I pretty much costing me my relationship, which suck major ass. (Since I originally pretty much started drinking, because I felt alone) My head is not in state for my job, which is software engineer/programmer which is pretty much draining my account at worrying rate. And basically I am unemployed, because I was some sort of "self made man", so yeah. I am not sure how I pull through all this. Obviously urge to drink is strong, but my anxiety about what could happened is greater. So that is nice.

Real problem is anxiety which only get higher and depression from the situation, which on itself is not a big deal, but with combination with everything else, it sucks. This is by far the worst situation I have ever been through, my OG post was at the time, where I felt amazing in comparison to these days.

I wanted to post a thread of me bitching about this sort of thing, but I am not sure why would anyone care, is not that I am some amazing contributor to this forum. Also thoughts about going to gofundme and post something about this whole situation and beg for money is strong, but I am not even sure if I qualify and I am not under some great debt, I have zero debts, but I am very worried, that is going to change quickly, if I don't find some suitable job.

Since now it's harder than before, because if I don't take meds, I simply die.

Issue is, that I need to find some job over the internet with half IQ I had before (even with 2 ‰ of alcohol in my veins). I am pretty much panicking when I go in front of my house. Agoraphobia is strong. Thus going to some job interview is a no go, at least at this moment.

So yeah, I have been better. Worst thing that I am not sure who to ask for help, since I am not amazingly social person, who has many friends, etc.

Figuring what to do.

 

[Firaga]

Get well soon op and keep fighting.

 

[M1chl]

Get well soon op and keep fighting.

Click to shrink...

Well, I am trying, it's pretty tough, have to say and I am not necessarily someone who says that often.

 

[SABO.]

What do you mean by "with half IQ I had before"?

I hope you are not attributing the alcohol to your ability.

Once you get the ball rolling, you will find you are so much more capable of doing better than when you were under the influence.

Maybe this will come off really harsh thru written message, but you need to understand that the alternative to your current situation is that you would be dead.

I hope you can let that motivate you. Being alive and sharing your life with others is one of the greatest things life can offer regardless of the challenges that we all face.

 

[Replicant]

I got diagnosed with PSC earlier this year. Super rare liver disease that is thought to be related to Ulcerative Colitis, which I've had for over 20 years.

There's no cure or treatment. So I have to start eating for my liver to get worse and worse until I'm at the point of a transplant.

 

[M1chl]

What do you mean by "with half IQ I had before"?

I hope you are not attributing the alcohol to your ability.

Once you get the ball rolling, you will find you are so much more capable of doing better than when you were under the influence.

Maybe this will come off really harsh thru written message, but you need to understand that the alternative to your current situation is that you would be dead.

I hope you can let that motivate you. Being alive and sharing your life with others is one of the greatest things life can offer regardless of the challenges that we all face.

Click to shrink...

Actually no, I am not blaming the alcohol here. The surgery was the problem, I had to be bring to life few times and it was revisioned 3 times after the first attempt of the surgery. I was probably without an oxygen for some time too. I was not provided with many details actually. I just know, that I have to took some "stupid" tests like how much is 1+1, memorising some shapes, colors and that kind of stuff, like for little children and even that was hard to do in the beginning. I also lost a fair amount of memory, which is really not that nice, because you have "pieces" like if someone told you some sentence and you remember just the words not how the go after each other. It's a mess.

My brain "overheats" really quickly when I try to study and do stuff, I have the memory blackouts (which is strange I never have them before with heavy alcohol usage), I struggle with languages, even with my native one (to be fair which is quite complicated on it's own) so even now to shape what I think into words it's really hard. This ability is also crucial for programming because you put thoughts into words of machine, so to speak.

My cognitive ability definitely suffers a lot and that's not because alcohol related stuff, but because the surgery was so complicated. Even if you look at this post, I could probably said this in far less words. But how, right?

I got diagnosed with PSC earlier this year. Super rare liver disease that is thought to be related to Ulcerative Colitis, which I've had for over 20 years.

There's no cure or treatment. So I have to start eating for my liver to get worse and worse until I'm at the point of a transplant.

Click to shrink...

Sorry to hear that, if you do not have any sort of auto-immunity disease, the surgery and recovery is not that bad. My main problems stems from complicated surgery, they told me it's going to be 2 hour surgery and it lasted 18 hours....

It's not that bad, if you live in some country where there is a normal health care system. And if I were you, I would go to hospital early, so you could be sure, that you actually get the liver in time. I have been extremely lucky, with one week waiting, but normal waiting is probably months. In that hospital where I was, it's 4 months on average.

 

[SABO.]

No, I don't think you couldn't have said that in far less words and theres no reason to beat yourself up about that. The fact that you can write and articulate your thoughts like that is excellent.

You've gone through a major life event. Its okay to not feel normal. Its going to take some time.

It sounds like what you need most at the moment is emotional support. Unfortunately I'm not familiar with how things are in your country but surely there should be some support groups for people who have gone through similar situations?

 

[TickleMeElbow]

Fuck dude I had a similar scare 6 years ago. Started turning yellow and everything.

Started drinking regularly at 17, and by 26 I had been going through at least 1 liter of vodka every 24 hours.

Luckily my cirrhosis was in the early stages so they said as long as I avoid alcohol and NSAIDs I should be good for "a long time".

You're super lucky OP. Here in the US they won't even consider you for a transplant unless you've had documented sobriety for at least 6 months.

I wish you a safe and speedy recovery, and continued sobriety.

 

[M1chl]

No, I don't think you couldn't have said that in far less words and theres no reason to beat yourself up about that. The fact that you can write and articulate your thoughts like that is excellent.

You've gone through a major life event. Its okay to not feel normal. Its going to take some time.

It sounds like what you need most at the moment is emotional support. Unfortunately I'm not familiar with how things are in your country but surely there should be some support groups for people who have gone through similar situations?

Click to shrink...

Thank you, I still think I could do far better, but that's me. Anyway for emotional support, I am really not so sure. Psychologist obviously exists, but some meeting with other people going through the same shit, probably don't as we Czech's are well-known hard asses on the outside. It's beyond my mind that something like would exists, even though, I would greatly appreciated that. I actually asked this in hospital and I was almost laughed at. It's cool, it's just how things are in here. That's maybe why beer is cheaper than water in restaurants and why we as a nation drink so much.

Besides I even try to search on the internet about this sort of group where I could reach out and speak to them and what I learned, that people don't get transplants, they just die. Because obviously money issues and those who do get transplants probably do not have internet or are very old.

Because my issue is that I would say, weird. I feel that different person inside me, I changed somewhat and even though I am in the hands of professionals and talk to them probably daily....they do not live through this, so it's hard for them to really help me in a way I wanted.

Fuck dude I had a similar scare 6 years ago. Started turning yellow and everything.

Started drinking regularly at 17, and by 26 I had been going through at least 1 liter of vodka every 24 hours.

Luckily my cirrhosis was in the early stages so they said as long as I avoid alcohol and NSAIDs I should be good for "a long time".

You're super lucky OP. Here in the US they won't even consider you for a transplant unless you've had documented sobriety for at least 6 months.

I wish you a safe and speedy recovery, and continued sobriety.

Click to shrink...

Well thank you very much and good for you. Even though you drank far longer than I do, I have not been that lucky, because the reason why I even have the shot of getting liver, was hardcore Psoriasis, which pretty much ate my liver so really my alcohol issue (or big fucking problem) was secondary. Imagine being stripped out of your skin with your body being in tickling hell for 2 years after one stupid Psoriasis outbreak. I am not sure who would not drink, even though I am not saying this to feel sorry about myself. It was just a shitty life situation. I am not even sure how would you here do a 6 months sobriety test or how to call it. And well even if you do, people in this thread wrote that it would be 1 million dollar surgery anyway.

You are really lucky and well, I guess we both have to keep going clean from "now" on. So good luck to you.

 

[Puggles]

Damn sorry you had to go through this. Hopefully it's a good wake up call to someone who needs it. I also drank heavily for a good 8 years because I had major anxiety issues which I eventually resolved but lately I have noticed I was drinking way more on weekends (10-12 beers) and barely feeling the effects. Currently on day 21 of sobriety and feeling a lot better.

 

[M1chl]

Damn sorry you had to go through this. Hopefully it's a good wake up call to someone who needs it. I also drank heavily for a good 8 years because I had major anxiety issues which I eventually resolved but lately I have noticed I was drinking way more on weekends (10-12 beers) and barely feeling the effects. Currently on day 21 of sobriety and feeling a lot better.

Click to shrink...

Good for you, but I have to seriously wish you a strong will, because what I sometimes experience, the urge to drink is....difficult to put it mildly. I never drink beer (even though my Czech nationality should point in other direction in this matter) and went straight to hard drinks, since it was easier to feel the calming effect on anxiety, loneliness, etc.

 

[TickleMeElbow]

Well thank you very much and good for you. Even though you drank far longer than I do, I have not been that lucky, because the reason why I even have the shot of getting liver, was hardcore Psoriasis, which pretty much ate my liver so really my alcohol issue (or big fucking problem) was secondary. Imagine being stripped out of your skin with your body being in tickling hell for 2 years after one stupid Psoriasis outbreak. I am not sure who would not drink, even though I am not saying this to feel sorry about myself. It was just a shitty life situation. I am not even sure how would you here do a 6 months sobriety test or how to call it. And well even if you do, people in this thread wrote that it would be 1 million dollar surgery anyway.

You are really lucky and well, I guess we both have to keep going clean from "now" on. So good luck to you.

Click to shrink...

Yeah they kept running a bunch of tests to see if I had any other underlying issues that could've contributed, because getting cirrhosis at 26 from drinking is highly unusual, but nah I just drank waaaaay too much lol.

As for how they confirm your sobriety, you need a sponsor or someone from a legit recovery program to vouch for you. There's also a panel of doctors who will examine your case, and determine whether you meet the requirements.

 

[M1chl]

Yeah they kept running a bunch of tests to see if I had any other underlying issues that could've contributed, because getting cirrhosis at 26 from drinking is highly unusual, but nah I just drank waaaaay too much lol.

As for how they confirm your sobriety, you need a sponsor or someone from a legit recovery program to vouch for you. There's also a panel of doctors who will examine your case, and determine whether you meet the requirements.

Click to shrink...

Bolded is also true in here, but I get my liver from standard 60bucks/month health insurance (mandatory for you to have one). Yeah well they run bunch of test on me as well and it was determined, that Psoriasis has bigger impact, since getting cirrhosis at the age of 30, only after drinking for 4 years is highly unusual. Problem is now, if my new liver holds, even if I am not drinking if Psoriasis was bigger factor. Well, we see.

 

[TickleMeElbow]

Bolded is also true in here, but I get my liver from standard 60bucks/month health insurance (mandatory for you to have one). Yeah well they run bunch of test on me as well and it was determined, that Psoriasis has bigger impact, since getting cirrhosis at the age of 30, only after drinking for 4 years is highly unusual. Problem is now, if my new liver holds, even if I am not drinking if Psoriasis was bigger factor. Well, we see.

Click to shrink...

Fuck dude it's always the worst when it's out of your control.

 

[M1chl]

I decided to answer some questions, because somewhat I feel the nee to talk about this and wuld not like to create another thread.

Yeah the Czech drink more per capita than any other Europeans last I read. Is it common to find people who drank as much as you? I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I also have a very difficult to treat generalized anxiety disorder. Traditional medications haven't worked for me except for benzos. However I have always been very careful with my rarely used Xanax dosage and I never mix it with alcohol. Nowadays a mix of mirtazapine and buspirone has helped me manage most of my daily anxiety. You're very lucky to be alive with having alcoholism and a benzo addiction. Good luck to you in the future.

Click to shrink...

Well Czech drinks alcohol a lot, but definitely not like me. In our country beer is cheaper than water in restaurants and default beer in here is about 4-5% alcohol in volume. So not exactly some harmless juice. I never like a beer, so I guess I am disqualified as Czech citizen : ) I tried mirtazapine and buspirone too, but to no avail, sadly. I also mixed Benzos (mainly Diazepam) with alcohol since alcohol started to make me feel anxious to drink more and Diazepam kind of smoothed it out. I know dangerous, but I felt fucking invincible in this regard. And so how are you doing as of now, everything is fine? : )

1 liter is a lethal dose of alcohol. You're a walking miracle.

I hope you find success with your anxiety issues, OP. I have heard of some people having success with mindfulness training. There are also milder meds like baclofen being studied for anxiety.

Click to shrink...

1 liter of alcohol is deadly dose probably if that's a just pure alcohol, if this would be a case, I am fairly sure that it would be far more people dead from alcohol poisoning.

I'm so glad you're okay OP! I'm sure there's no need to tell you to cherish your second life now :p. I suffered from Anxiety too (and other stuff) so I hit the bottle for a few years then Alcoholism destroyed my life (not health-wise) and ruined everything for me. Good luck to you and keep fighting!

Click to shrink...

Yeah well , I ruined my too to some degree, so I can relate. Thank you and don't worry, I have determination to fight, not drink, etc.