I am not writing this to be interesting or anything like that. I am here to maybe warn some users about what happened to me. I have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), which is pretty shitty mental health disease. I am not here to make excuses, but this shit is solely responsible for my drinking problem.
See, I had been abstinent, completely. Well, till 2015 when this disease struck. Till then I was hooked on Alcohol when I felt anxious. Yes, I have attended many doctors, but hardly anything worked. Well Benzodiazepines did, but at one time I got cut off of my dose and W/D was brutal. So after that, I search for something which does not form dependence (funny, I know, when I was boozing like crazy). I remember when I have problem with Sciatica nerve, I took Pregabalin, which not only ease the pain, but it made me calm and well, normal. Sadly after Pfizer have class-action lawsuit, this medicine is very hard to get hands on. At least in my country. I was still getting prescribed some useless anti-depressants, which obviously does not work or Benzos which I don't want, but sadly they worked, so I have, thanks to doctors which change doses quite often, many W/Ds. Alcohol makes more bearable, so I form a habit of heavy drinking, it was not a problem to down 2x 0.7l bottle of 40% (80 proof) Alcohol per day, when I had particular bad day. I've never had a hangover or anything like that, so it was easy to feel that Alcohol did no damage to my body since it help me through the day, to be productive or at least I could do stuff. I am know that my self-delusion was strong.
Well, until this May. In this month I've turned yellow and needed to be hospitalized. In hospital they've told me, that I am not going to make it, if I am not going to get a liver transplant. I was pretty stunned. "So this is it...". Well not quite, I was moved to pretty well known IKEM Prague hospital...where they flat out told me, that I am not worthy of liver transplant and that they are going to take care of me, but that I should not expect any miracles. So yeah it was tough few days. Than minds of doctors changed. I am not sure why, but maybe it was that I have a GF who visited me every day, my friends, which I wanted to say "goodbye" or my words which I told to doctors. Something, I am still processing "why?", but nonetheless I am deeply grateful for this second chance. The surgery was not easy, I was 8 hours on the table and then I have 2 more revisions of that surgery. Grand total: 18 hours of saving my life... Then I was administered with opiates for pain management and proceed to be fucked up like never before, it's pretty insane what brain can do. Not that I want to experiment with those substances, I've heard to much bad stories about that to even be near them. And now I am laying in hospital for recovery and thinking what I am going to do next, in my new life. Luckily in here I got Lyrica (Pregabalin) and I feel stabilized. Hopefully, I will get a prescription when I am going to be dismissed from here.
So what I wanted to say, that liver Cirrhosis could be closer than you might think. If you have any problem with Alcohol get help, it's not worth the risk. If you have some mental disease and you need to drink, get better doctor, immediately. It's not so harmless substance. Sadly, I am living example what it could do... I am ashamed of that, I was ashamed to drink, so I did that in quietness of my house mostly. But not exclusively. It's a shitty habit to have and 4 years was enough to almost got me killed.
So take care of yourselves folks, it's not a laughing matter and thanks to doctors, nurses, staff in IKEM Prague for saving my life.
Side note: I don't think that socialized health care is a bad think, I've got new liver for merely 60 buck per month at no extra cost (even though the price for new liver and surgery is around 65 grand of freedom dollars), sure I was at the mercy of doctors, but all in all, it's hardly a bad deal...
See, I had been abstinent, completely. Well, till 2015 when this disease struck. Till then I was hooked on Alcohol when I felt anxious. Yes, I have attended many doctors, but hardly anything worked. Well Benzodiazepines did, but at one time I got cut off of my dose and W/D was brutal. So after that, I search for something which does not form dependence (funny, I know, when I was boozing like crazy). I remember when I have problem with Sciatica nerve, I took Pregabalin, which not only ease the pain, but it made me calm and well, normal. Sadly after Pfizer have class-action lawsuit, this medicine is very hard to get hands on. At least in my country. I was still getting prescribed some useless anti-depressants, which obviously does not work or Benzos which I don't want, but sadly they worked, so I have, thanks to doctors which change doses quite often, many W/Ds. Alcohol makes more bearable, so I form a habit of heavy drinking, it was not a problem to down 2x 0.7l bottle of 40% (80 proof) Alcohol per day, when I had particular bad day. I've never had a hangover or anything like that, so it was easy to feel that Alcohol did no damage to my body since it help me through the day, to be productive or at least I could do stuff. I am know that my self-delusion was strong.
Well, until this May. In this month I've turned yellow and needed to be hospitalized. In hospital they've told me, that I am not going to make it, if I am not going to get a liver transplant. I was pretty stunned. "So this is it...". Well not quite, I was moved to pretty well known IKEM Prague hospital...where they flat out told me, that I am not worthy of liver transplant and that they are going to take care of me, but that I should not expect any miracles. So yeah it was tough few days. Than minds of doctors changed. I am not sure why, but maybe it was that I have a GF who visited me every day, my friends, which I wanted to say "goodbye" or my words which I told to doctors. Something, I am still processing "why?", but nonetheless I am deeply grateful for this second chance. The surgery was not easy, I was 8 hours on the table and then I have 2 more revisions of that surgery. Grand total: 18 hours of saving my life... Then I was administered with opiates for pain management and proceed to be fucked up like never before, it's pretty insane what brain can do. Not that I want to experiment with those substances, I've heard to much bad stories about that to even be near them. And now I am laying in hospital for recovery and thinking what I am going to do next, in my new life. Luckily in here I got Lyrica (Pregabalin) and I feel stabilized. Hopefully, I will get a prescription when I am going to be dismissed from here.
So what I wanted to say, that liver Cirrhosis could be closer than you might think. If you have any problem with Alcohol get help, it's not worth the risk. If you have some mental disease and you need to drink, get better doctor, immediately. It's not so harmless substance. Sadly, I am living example what it could do... I am ashamed of that, I was ashamed to drink, so I did that in quietness of my house mostly. But not exclusively. It's a shitty habit to have and 4 years was enough to almost got me killed.
So take care of yourselves folks, it's not a laughing matter and thanks to doctors, nurses, staff in IKEM Prague for saving my life.
Side note: I don't think that socialized health care is a bad think, I've got new liver for merely 60 buck per month at no extra cost (even though the price for new liver and surgery is around 65 grand of freedom dollars), sure I was at the mercy of doctors, but all in all, it's hardly a bad deal...