So my girlfriend just had a screaming fit at me in front of a large group of strangers and I'm kind of ticked off

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Oct 25, 2017
5,391
Ireland
It is absolutely insane to me that you know she had a shitty experience at a concert before hand, and you still don't even look for her after losing her in another rowdy concert. Or even simpler, just shoot her a text. She done you a solid going with you there, at least pretend you care and return the favour and look out for her.
 

PJV3

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,523
London
It is absolutely insane to me that you know she had a shitty experience at a concert before hand, and you still don't even look for her after losing her in another rowdy concert. Or even simpler, just shoot her a text. She done you a solid going with you there, at least pretend you care and return the favour and look out for her.
To be honest i would be a lot happier if she didn't come to the gig, she has done the opposite of doing him a solid.
I'd be pretty pissed off, it isn't an evening with Barry Manilow.
 

TheGhost

Member
Oct 25, 2017
16,259
Long Island
My girlfriend told me this story a while ago that she had a bad experience in a Mosh pit................. I just figured that we just got separated and we'd reunite once the set was finished. Again, this was a very crowded and dark venue, so not easy to look around or move.
I'm surprised she even waited for you, if I was her I would have been packing my shit up at home and breaking up with you.

Then again if I was you I would have immediately went looking for her.

Your idea of normal is fucked up, the fact that you're ticked off is ridiculous.

She deserves better
 

SABO.

Member
Nov 6, 2017
2,979
It's much ado about nothing really, he has already apologised and has probably learned the hard way that she expects to be looked after at gigs. she survived, he got told off.
She doesn't expect to be looked after at gigs. What a shitty comment to make.

She expects a partner that considers her.
 

whytemyke

The Fallen
Oct 28, 2017
1,689
I see most people in this thread are weak minded cretins that have never done SERE training like I have. So here’s what you should really do, OP:

wait until she goes to bed one night. Then you need to invite like 30 people over and quietly, oh so quietly, sneak them into her room and surround her bed. Make sure she doesn’t know any of these people or else the lesson won’t be learned. No weirdos or anything either— maybe if you’re having trouble finding people you can use ZipRecruiter for help?

Then you also quietly, oh so quietly, invite the band Sum 41 over as well and have them set up shop in the room as well. SILENCE IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE!!!! She cannot wake up during the set up

Then at the stroke of 3:57am, you have multiple things happen at once: the band starts playing Fat Lip at no less than 130 decibels WHILE the people you brought over start dancing and you flash the lights on and off! Your girlfriend will then wake from her slumber and believe herself to be in a mosh pit again! This will obviously be terrifying for her, but that’s the point!

After the song is over you’ll have everyone quietly pack up and leave. She might be in tears and have soiled herself, but more importantly she’ll thank you for helping her to face her fears head on! And then next time you guys go to a concert, you’ll be able to walk away and she won’t yell at you outside again! #winning

Anyways I hope that helps. It’s really the only solution to all of this that I can see, short of just giving her space and then having a conversation and explaining how you didn’t mean to make her feel abandoned. Good luck!!

really hope it’s obvious I’m messing with OP with everything but the last paragraph haha
 

Purdy

Member
Oct 27, 2017
523
People getting a bit separated at a show where the crowd is active feels normal to me? It seems to happen to me often when going with friends and we just get back together between songs if we can or at the end, no big deal. I've never gone to a show like this with my current gf though, so I didn't know her feelings about it.
Never happened to me and my partner, friends is a different story, I'd instantly be looking despite no bad experience in mosh pits/concerts before.

She clearly got very anxious/worked up by the situation, just let her cool off and show some sympathy, I'm sure she'll feel it was an overreaction on her part at some point but obviously at the time felt awful.
 

PJV3

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,523
London
This is an extremely selfish attitude.

So what, it’s just a snow. Things happen. Be there for your partner. It’s not a big ask.
no i'm just saying this should be sorted out beforehand, i go to events with people and discuss what to do if x,y,z happens.
i didn't realise this thread was going to get so moody over a bit of a tiff at a gig.(not you)
 

TheGhost

Member
Oct 25, 2017
16,259
Long Island
It's much ado about nothing really, he has already apologised and has probably learned the hard way that she expects to be looked after at gigs. she survived, he got told off.
Did he learn? He came acting like a victim about how he is ticked off and had to be told by multiple people how wrong he was.

It's not about being looked after it's about doing very basic entry level boyfriend things like actually caring about your girlfriend
 

THErest

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,887
You're gf disappeared in the middle of a show and you made no effort to find her and make sure she was okay? Like you didn't even send a text? Yeah I'd be a bit miffed if I was her.
This.

I figured she was probably behind me a bit and we just got separated by one or two people. This happened probably 3/4's of the way through the final band's set so I figured I'd just stay put for the final few songs and find her right after. A lot people around me were pushing forward/jumping/dancing so we got moved around a bit during the show. Apparently she turned around and fully beelined out of the venue which I just didn't expect since she didn't give any indication of feeling uncomfortable or wanting to leave.
Well, it happened after you two were forcibly separated. How could you know? Oh, maybe find her, or text her. That's how.

I mean, if me and my GF got separated at a concert, I would 100% be looking for her if it was just us two there.
Again, this.
 

Rosé Fighter

Member
Aug 23, 2019
527
Did he learn? He came acting like a victim about how he is ticked off and had to be told by multiple people how wrong he was.

It's not about being looked after it's about doing very basic entry level boyfriend things like actually caring about your girlfriend
But he shouldn't care about his girlfriend, He's a man an his woman screamed at him in public! Think about his pride!

</S> you can tell the amount of people posting here who have never had a loved one.
 

Pluto

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,385
just wait until you get married
You think behaving like that is normal? Screaming at your partner and calling them a fucking asshole? I could never be in a relationship with a person like that.

I understand she was upset and felt he didn't care but that doesn't justify what she did. You can be angry, express that anger and argue without becoming abusive.
 

DiipuSurotu

Member
Oct 25, 2017
17,528
France
Dude... She didn't go to the show because she was a fan of the band, she went to see them with you, and you left her without you... Like wtf
 

TheGhost

Member
Oct 25, 2017
16,259
Long Island
You think behaving like that is normal? Screaming at your partner and calling them a fucking asshole? I could never be in a relationship with a person like that.

I understand she was upset and felt he didn't care but that doesn't justify what she did. You can be angry, express that anger and argue without becoming abusive.
Wtf did she do? He was selfish and she called him out on that. End of story

Maybe she should have just voiced calmly why she doesn't appreciate being left alone at a crowded venue 🙄
 

andymcc

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,903
Columbus, OH
It is absolutely insane to me that you know she had a shitty experience at a concert before hand, and you still don't even look for her after losing her in another rowdy concert. Or even simpler, just shoot her a text. She done you a solid going with you there, at least pretend you care and return the favour and look out for her.
This. I’ve been to dozens of shows with my SO, some with pretty active if not violent pits, and NEVER been separated. How was she not a higher priority?
 

n00bs7ay3r

Member
Aug 21, 2018
818
Wtf did she do? He was selfish and she called him out on that. End of story

Maybe she should have just voiced calmly why she doesn't appreciate being left alone at a crowded venue 🙄
I guess you did not get the memo. If a woman is angry and expresses that she is abusive. She should maintain the meek and subversive attitude that society expects of her.
 

Mahonay

Member
Oct 25, 2017
17,191
Pencils Vania

THErest

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,887
Wtf did she do? She screamed at him, called him a selfish fucking asshole and other choice words. That's abusive behavior!


Yes, that would have been an option.
Lol, yeah, I'm sure she could have been totally calm after her boyfriend (who knew she'd had a bad experience at a concert before) did absolutely nothing to find her or see if she was okay after they were forcibly separated in a packed crowd. Dude just shrugged and finished the show. Even if she is wrong and he's not a selfish asshole after all, I find his actions borderline inconcievable, and totally understand why she'd be angry.
 

PJV3

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,523
London
Wtf did she do? She screamed at him, called him a selfish fucking asshole and other choice words. That's abusive behavior!


Yes, that would have been an option.
She freaked out, he's shocked by it, calling it insane.
i don't think it's abusive, he should give her a bit of space though.
 

Pluto

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,385
I guess you did not get the memo. If a woman is angry and expresses that she is abusive. She should maintain the meek and subversive attitude that society expects of her.
Bullshit. Screaming at someone they're a selfish fucking asshole is abusive regardless of gender. Again, it is possible to express your anger without hurling abuse at someone.

“People are only allowed to be upset in a way that makes me comfortable“


...after you’ve just abandoned them
Technically she abandoned him when she left the venue. Just saying.

Obviously the OP didn't handle the situation perfectly but let's not pretend she did.
 

Agar25

Member
Apr 12, 2018
6,259
Bullshit. Screaming at someone they're a selfish fucking asshole is abusive regardless of gender. Again, it is possible to express your anger without hurling abuse at someone.


Technically she abandoned him when she left the venue. Just saying.

Obviously the OP didn't handle the situation perfectly but let's not pretend she did.
I am howling at these POV’s
“Abusive”
“Technically she abandoned him “

Like, whaaaaaaaaat
 

Rosé Fighter

Member
Aug 23, 2019
527
Dude... She didn't go to the show because she was a fan of the band, she went to see them with you, and you left her without you... Like wtf
You think this would be obvious

But the fact is OP sought to be appointed that he was right by posting this. He didn't want actual feedback. He wanted to be supported that he was right.
I've seen this story time and time before. I can call out the bullshit.
 

n00bs7ay3r

Member
Aug 21, 2018
818
You think this would be obvious

But the fact is OP sought to be appointed that he was right by posting this. He didn't want actual feedback. He wanted to be supported that he was right.
I've seen this story time and time before. I can call out the bullshit.
Well at the end of the day I think we can all agree that bitches be crazy though right?
 

TheGhost

Member
Oct 25, 2017
16,259
Long Island
I guess you did not get the memo. If a woman is angry and expresses that she is abusive. She should maintain the meek and subversive attitude that society expects of her.
All I know is I'm definitely guilty Of not being an angel but it's bullshit people are blaming her
Wtf did she do? She screamed at him, called him a selfish fucking asshole and other choice words. That's abusive behavior!


Yes, that would have been an option.
but he is guilty of all those things.

It's troubling in society when a man can't admit he did wrong and we are asking women to jot over react to being wrong.

I fall into most toxic masculinity tropes, I'm not the most progressive guy around these parts. But even I know this shit I'd just wrong. It's not fair to her and it's stupid to expect her to be "nice" about it.
 
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SugarDave

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,323
What happened happened. All I'll say is that when you two next see each other, don't get into some semantics argument about who's to blame etc. You'll only make it worse. Just bypass all the trying to save face stuff and apologise.
 
Oct 25, 2017
1,950
eh if I'm being honest I think you're very in the wrong for not having looked for her right away

it sounds like she overreacted, but I can't imagine losing my SO in a venue like that and just being like "well, I will see them later I suppose"

This is really all I'm saying too. If I lose my SO, shit...if I lose a Friend, family member, anyone! who came with me to a concert, I'm sending a text asap. Those shows have way too much people and because of that, you could easily get kidnapped, drugged or something without anyone paying attention....and her reaction to me, is probably along the lines of that thinking. So while you aren't being an asshole OP, it's kind of fucked up to just assume she's okay. You should of text right away. Honestly, think about the world we live in now and it's not hard to see why she was broken up.

leaving out the part of her giving you break up words probably would have been important to put in for a better assessment.
 

AtomicShroom

Tools & Automation
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Oct 28, 2017
1,579
I can’t wrap my head around all the people defending the girl here. She sounds absolutely childish and immature on all counts. Doesn’t voice concerns, doesn’t text, expects boyfriend to be at her servitude, breaks into yelling fit when he doesn’t.

If I’m with my girlfriend at an event that I’m not enjoying but I know she is (and we got separated so I can’t tell her), then I will simply leave, text her, and wish her to have fun for the rest of the evening and not worry about me. That’s what a normal mature adult does.

OP sounds like you’re going to have to ponder on this real hard. That kind of attitude of hers is not likely to change and is bound to repeat. Choose wisely.
 

Kaguya

Member
Jun 19, 2018
3,166
Had she communicated that this was a situation that could have made her uncomfortable I absolutely wouldn't have gone to the show. At the show, had she said something to me before leaving or sent me a text, I would have absolutely would have left to go be with her. Apparently losing track of her at a rowdy, rock show was grounds for a public dressing down.

Like there's no way I'm in the wrong here, right? This just feels so insane to me I almost can't wrap my head around it.
Regardless of how poorly she communicated her experience, or how guilty you were(or not) about not going out searching for her, it looks like she went through PTSD from her previous experience and you really shouldn't hold what she did against her.
 
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