It is absolutely insane to me that you know she had a shitty experience at a concert before hand, and you still don't even look for her after losing her in another rowdy concert. Or even simpler, just shoot her a text. She done you a solid going with you there, at least pretend you care and return the favour and look out for her.
It is absolutely insane to me that you know she had a shitty experience at a concert before hand, and you still don't even look for her after losing her in another rowdy concert. Or even simpler, just shoot her a text. She done you a solid going with you there, at least pretend you care and return the favour and look out for her.
To be honest i would be a lot happier if she didn't come to the gig, she has done the opposite of doing him a solid.
I'd be pretty pissed off, it isn't an evening with Barry Manilow.
My girlfriend told me this story a while ago that she had a bad experience in a Mosh pit................. I just figured that we just got separated and we'd reunite once the set was finished. Again, this was a very crowded and dark venue, so not easy to look around or move.
It's much ado about nothing really, he has already apologised and has probably learned the hard way that she expects to be looked after at gigs. she survived, he got told off.
To be honest i would be a lot happier if she didn't come to the gig, she has done the opposite of doing him a solid.
I'd be pretty pissed off, it isn't an evening with Barry Manilow.
I see most people in this thread are weak minded cretins that have never done SERE training like I have. So here's what you should really do, OP:
wait until she goes to bed one night. Then you need to invite like 30 people over and quietly, oh so quietly, sneak them into her room and surround her bed. Make sure she doesn't know any of these people or else the lesson won't be learned. No weirdos or anything either— maybe if you're having trouble finding people you can use ZipRecruiter for help?
Then you also quietly, oh so quietly, invite the band Sum 41 over as well and have them set up shop in the room as well. SILENCE IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE!!!! She cannot wake up during the set up
Then at the stroke of 3:57am, you have multiple things happen at once: the band starts playing Fat Lip at no less than 130 decibels WHILE the people you brought over start dancing and you flash the lights on and off! Your girlfriend will then wake from her slumber and believe herself to be in a mosh pit again! This will obviously be terrifying for her, but that's the point!
After the song is over you'll have everyone quietly pack up and leave. She might be in tears and have soiled herself, but more importantly she'll thank you for helping her to face her fears head on! And then next time you guys go to a concert, you'll be able to walk away and she won't yell at you outside again! #winning
Anyways I hope that helps. It's really the only solution to all of this that I can see, short of just giving her space and then having a conversation and explaining how you didn't mean to make her feel abandoned. Good luck!!
really hope it's obvious I'm messing with OP with everything but the last paragraph haha
People getting a bit separated at a show where the crowd is active feels normal to me? It seems to happen to me often when going with friends and we just get back together between songs if we can or at the end, no big deal. I've never gone to a show like this with my current gf though, so I didn't know her feelings about it.
Never happened to me and my partner, friends is a different story, I'd instantly be looking despite no bad experience in mosh pits/concerts before.
She clearly got very anxious/worked up by the situation, just let her cool off and show some sympathy, I'm sure she'll feel it was an overreaction on her part at some point but obviously at the time felt awful.
no i'm just saying this should be sorted out beforehand, i go to events with people and discuss what to do if x,y,z happens.
i didn't realise this thread was going to get so moody over a bit of a tiff at a gig.(not you)
It's much ado about nothing really, he has already apologised and has probably learned the hard way that she expects to be looked after at gigs. she survived, he got told off.
You're gf disappeared in the middle of a show and you made no effort to find her and make sure she was okay? Like you didn't even send a text? Yeah I'd be a bit miffed if I was her.
I figured she was probably behind me a bit and we just got separated by one or two people. This happened probably 3/4's of the way through the final band's set so I figured I'd just stay put for the final few songs and find her right after. A lot people around me were pushing forward/jumping/dancing so we got moved around a bit during the show. Apparently she turned around and fully beelined out of the venue which I just didn't expect since she didn't give any indication of feeling uncomfortable or wanting to leave.
well, i'm assuming that normally happens and this gig is out of the ordinary for the pair of them, i didn't think of anything on a deeper level than that.
You think behaving like that is normal? Screaming at your partner and calling them a fucking asshole? I could never be in a relationship with a person like that.
I understand she was upset and felt he didn't care but that doesn't justify what she did. You can be angry, express that anger and argue without becoming abusive.
You think behaving like that is normal? Screaming at your partner and calling them a fucking asshole? I could never be in a relationship with a person like that.
I understand she was upset and felt he didn't care but that doesn't justify what she did. You can be angry, express that anger and argue without becoming abusive.
It is absolutely insane to me that you know she had a shitty experience at a concert before hand, and you still don't even look for her after losing her in another rowdy concert. Or even simpler, just shoot her a text. She done you a solid going with you there, at least pretend you care and return the favour and look out for her.
This. I've been to dozens of shows with my SO, some with pretty active if not violent pits, and NEVER been separated. How was she not a higher priority?
I guess you did not get the memo. If a woman is angry and expresses that she is abusive. She should maintain the meek and subversive attitude that society expects of her.
Every one of these advice threads are the same. Every single one. I'd never ask for advice on Era and admire those willing to wade through the inevitable muck to do so.
Edit - I note that the OP hasn't posted in a while. I don't blame him.
Lol, yeah, I'm sure she could have been totally calm after her boyfriend (who knew she'd had a bad experience at a concert before) did absolutely nothing to find her or see if she was okay after they were forcibly separated in a packed crowd. Dude just shrugged and finished the show. Even if she is wrong and he's not a selfish asshole after all, I find his actions borderline inconcievable, and totally understand why she'd be angry.
I guess you did not get the memo. If a woman is angry and expresses that she is abusive. She should maintain the meek and subversive attitude that society expects of her.
Bullshit. Screaming at someone they're a selfish fucking asshole is abusive regardless of gender. Again, it is possible to express your anger without hurling abuse at someone.
Bullshit. Screaming at someone they're a selfish fucking asshole is abusive regardless of gender. Again, it is possible to express your anger without hurling abuse at someone.
Technically she abandoned him when she left the venue. Just saying.
Obviously the OP didn't handle the situation perfectly but let's not pretend she did.
But the fact is OP sought to be appointed that he was right by posting this. He didn't want actual feedback. He wanted to be supported that he was right.
I've seen this story time and time before. I can call out the bullshit.
But the fact is OP sought to be appointed that he was right by posting this. He didn't want actual feedback. He wanted to be supported that he was right.
I've seen this story time and time before. I can call out the bullshit.
I guess you did not get the memo. If a woman is angry and expresses that she is abusive. She should maintain the meek and subversive attitude that society expects of her.
It's troubling in society when a man can't admit he did wrong and we are asking women to jot over react to being wrong.
I fall into most toxic masculinity tropes, I'm not the most progressive guy around these parts. But even I know this shit I'd just wrong. It's not fair to her and it's stupid to expect her to be "nice" about it.
What happened happened. All I'll say is that when you two next see each other, don't get into some semantics argument about who's to blame etc. You'll only make it worse. Just bypass all the trying to save face stuff and apologise.
Your girlfriend goes missing at a crowded raucous concert, which you took her to, your girlfriend who had had prior negative experiences in that very scenario, and then you proceed to just watch the rest of the show instead of bothering to look for her...
This is really all I'm saying too. If I lose my SO, shit...if I lose a Friend, family member, anyone! who came with me to a concert, I'm sending a text asap. Those shows have way too much people and because of that, you could easily get kidnapped, drugged or something without anyone paying attention....and her reaction to me, is probably along the lines of that thinking. So while you aren't being an asshole OP, it's kind of fucked up to just assume she's okay. You should of text right away. Honestly, think about the world we live in now and it's not hard to see why she was broken up.
leaving out the part of her giving you break up words probably would have been important to put in for a better assessment.
I can't wrap my head around all the people defending the girl here. She sounds absolutely childish and immature on all counts. Doesn't voice concerns, doesn't text, expects boyfriend to be at her servitude, breaks into yelling fit when he doesn't.
If I'm with my girlfriend at an event that I'm not enjoying but I know she is (and we got separated so I can't tell her), then I will simply leave, text her, and wish her to have fun for the rest of the evening and not worry about me. That's what a normal mature adult does.
OP sounds like you're going to have to ponder on this real hard. That kind of attitude of hers is not likely to change and is bound to repeat. Choose wisely.
Had she communicated that this was a situation that could have made her uncomfortable I absolutely wouldn't have gone to the show. At the show, had she said something to me before leaving or sent me a text, I would have absolutely would have left to go be with her. Apparently losing track of her at a rowdy, rock show was grounds for a public dressing down.
Like there's no way I'm in the wrong here, right? This just feels so insane to me I almost can't wrap my head around it.
Regardless of how poorly she communicated her experience, or how guilty you were(or not) about not going out searching for her, it looks like she went through PTSD from her previous experience and you really shouldn't hold what she did against her.
