So uh.... who did Palpatine cream the twinkie with? (TROS Spoilers)

[Bor Gullet]

"It's not a story the Jedi would tell you."

So from The Rise of Skywalker, we get a big revelation that good ol Sheev was boning. This could have been a secret lover/wife, or a prostitute, or maybe he had a one night stand.

This also opens up a whole other bunch of questions.

Did Palpatine have sex when he was looking like a wrinkly ballsack?

Or when he was a sexy senator (hopefully the latter).

When he had sex, was he passionate about it, or was too weak for it?

Exhibit A: Passion

Exhibit B: Too weak

Regardless this must have been the final result when Sheev nutted into the poor woman who give birth to Rey's father.

 

[Officer Big Mac]

Ask your friends at recess.

 

[Gundam]

Yoda

 

[sphagnum]

I believe the question is "when did he lay pipe".

 

[SchrodingerC]

I quite dislike how this movie has us question who Palps banged.
This is not how the 10s should end. 😐

 

[BDS]

Well I can tell you one thing, we definitely need a six part comic series about it.

 

[Cocolina]

Padme

 

[Patitoloco]

The Force.

 

[BasilZero]

This is how you want to end the year eh?

 

[Ryan.]

I believe the question is "when did he lay pipe".

Click to shrink...

LMAO

 

[Deleted member 29660]

Papa Palpatine did the true trench run while in his younger days as an up and comer.

 

[Deleted member 14377]

I believe the question is "when did he lay pipe".

Click to shrink...

He laid the Palp.

 

[finfinfin]

Mods. Mods!

 

[Deleted member 60582]

 

[apocat]

Well I can tell you one thing, we definitely need a six part comic series about it.

Click to shrink...

No we don't. We really don't.

But nevertheless we'll get it.

 

[chandoog]

thank you for ruining twinkies for me forever.

 

[FormatCompatible]

Your pal Friendpatine.

 

[DrBo42]

I guess it's open season for RoS spoilers in titles. Even if it's a complete joke.

 

[Sectorseven]

Yaddle

 

[Irnbru]

I believe the question is "when did he lay pipe".

Click to shrink...

Looooooool

 

[Wood Man]

Well I can tell you one thing, we definitely need a six part comic series about it.

Click to shrink...

And there it is. Marvel already hard at work I'm guessing.

 

[Twstr709]

We gonna ship Palpatine now?

 

[Bor Gullet]

I guess it's open season for RoS spoilers in titles. Even if it's a complete joke.

Click to shrink...

I deliberately made the thread title into a euphemism so people who haven't seen the movie probably wouldn't think it meant sex.

Or maybe it's too obvious.

 

[thewienke]

My head canon is kinda dark where Palpatine was fucking around with force genetics on some kind of "human farm". Seems more plausible to me than anything else.

 

[skeezx]

serious answer- as grandad the timeline qualifies him as "eligible bachelor" around his son's birth so could be anybody

i doubt the future canon will explain it mundanely as sheev prowling the bar scene but if we have RotS to go on in a vacuum, that's more or less what it is

 

[greengr]

This is where it happened

https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Imperialis

 

[Deleted member 13798]

Is it the weekend already

 

[DrForester]

Dexter Sexter

 

[Felt]

I would guess that it wasn't a story of romance and love, damn.

 

[hateradio]

Mods. Mods!

Click to shrink...

CAN WE PLEASE FINALLY GET A SW SUBFORUM FOR ALL THIS GARBAGE


/s not /s?

 

[Empress of ice cream]

Sly Moore and Mas Amedda. I bet someone wrote fic for that on AO3.

 

[Kernel]

And there it is. Marvel already hard at work I'm guessing.

Click to shrink...

First ever Harlequin+Marvel collaboration here we go.

 

[Deleted member 1478]

Was it confirmed somewhere that Anakin was created by Palpatine and genetic tampering to try and create a powerful Sith? I know I've seen people talk about it but can't remember if it was real or just over zealous theories.

 

[ClickyCal']

One of them?

 

[Deleted member 13645]

I would guess that it wasn't a story of romance and love, damn.

Click to shrink...

Yeah dude was a powerful head of an empire, and was notoriously evil and not exactly a looker by that point. Either he found someone just as evil as him who had very unique tastes in looks, or it wasn't them having a kid due to love. I have to assume if someone as politically powerful as him desired a woman to have a child with, his underlings would find a way to make it happen.

But it's less problematic to assume he just found another evil villain woman who was super into men who look like weird potatoes.

 

[Lotus]

I deliberately made the thread title into a euphemism so people who haven't seen the movie probably wouldn't think it meant sex.

Or maybe it's too obvious.

Click to shrink...

It's definitely too obvious

 

[crimsonECHIDNA]

What an incredibly gross joke OP!

 

[Sax]

Your crude phrasing offends my delicate sensibilities.

 

[The Silver]

Was it confirmed somewhere that Anakin was created by Palpatine and genetic tampering to try and create a powerful Sith? I know I've seen people talk about it but can't remember if it was real or just over zealous theories.

Click to shrink...

No, there's a comic that keeps getting taken out of context. It's still ambiguous if Anakin is a Sith creation or not.

 

[Ikuu]

I believe the question is "when did he lay pipe".

Click to shrink...

Reported for making a gross joke.

 

[Soybean]

I was definitely thinking Force immaculate conception, but then how would the mother know it was a Palpatine baby?

 

[Pendas]

This thread title is gross

I believe the question is "when did he lay pipe".

Click to shrink...

This is also gross.

 

[Tabaxi]

You all know he shouted "UNLIMITED POWER" while he was busting his rope.

 

[Charred Knight]

This is how they are going to bring in Mara Jade into the Star Wars universe. They are going to reveal that Emperor Palpatine had sex with Mara Jade in Dexter Jettster's cafe while Dexter regaled them with his exploits, then Grandma Mara Jade is going to show up to go on Jedi adventures with Rey.

 

[Nepenthe]

Dear Star Wars fans. Enough.