Trying to hop on the wagon today after months of fucking around. Breaking point was a concert a few days ago, got so fucked up I'm not sure how something terrible didn't happen to me. Gotta to get control of things, It's gotten pretty bad.
For Christmas a couple years ago, my parents spent like $150 for me to go to a 2 day metal festival, with a hotel room and everything, and Ozzy headlining. I was soooo stoked, tho thinkthat in my lifetime I was going to get to see the Prince of Darkness, one of the founding fathers of metal! Even my Dad was jealous, and he helped by the tickets for me, lol! The first day I made it through without blacking out. The second day I snuck in a bottle of rum and blacked out sometime in the afternoon. I woke up sleeping in the backseat of my car.
I know I was going ham because the last thing I remember is losing my mind to Sevendust. So, I'm not sure if I got kicked out, or just walked, dragged out... I mean, I was black out drunk and I'm sure I was stumbling around and falling down and shit, probably causing a scene. And I drank nearly an entire bottle of rum in the like 6 - 8 hours so I can't imagine a scenario where security didn't drag my drunk ass out of there. I'm sure something along those lines happened. But I'll never know. Which fills me with an emotion hard to describe, but I know I hate it, and when I feel it, I hate myself...
One of the things that hurt the most was that all too familiar feeling of, "God dammnit, again!? Really Kev!? The fuck is wrong with you!?". And, of course, I missed Ozzy and like 3 of the bands I really wanted to see. Sitting there in my Mom's car (oh yeah she let me borrow her car too!) I felt so angry at myself, so ashamed for having wasted the amazing gift my amazing, relentlessly loving parents had bought for me, and so helpless to control my addictive tendencies, that all I could do was break down crying. For a good half hour I just sat there cursing, crying, occasionally pounding the steering wheel. Then I went straight to the liquor store, bought more booze, went back to the hotel room and drank until I blacked out again.
I was really, utterly powerless to control myself. And so many amazing moments in my life were falling victim to my addictions. I believe that was one of the last time's I ever got that drunk. And a few months later, July 2018, I went to another concert, decided not to drink, and I've been sober ever since that day.
Sometimes man, these "breaking points" like you had are what finally pushes us over the edge to give up the piss. I know it seems like life won't be as fun without it but I'm here to tell you, with many concerts under my belt since that Ozzy show, that it is just as fun if not more without the poison. I can actually remember seeing my favorite bands. I don't get embarrassingly drunk at family events. I actually have money to go do other fun things (my parents don't have to buy me tickets anymore lol!).
So, I dunno maybe it'll take a few more blackout nights for you to come around, but why not make it now? Why not nip that shit in the bud and make sure that you don't have those moments of self loathing after waking up from blacking out (again and again and again, trust me i know how that goes)? No one's saying you never have to drink again, but why not try it out for a month or maybe a year? I think you'll find that life (and concerts!) are not only as enjoyable, but often times even more enjoyable that way.
Good luck! Keep coming back, we'd love to hear from you!
